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PEOPLE OF GOD
Healthy Marriages, Wise Couples By Hillary A. Bravo MA, Program Director, Healthy Marriages
Couples flourish in their relationships when they have the proper support structures in place to face life’s challenges. There is an 80% probability that an individual will marry by the age of 40. Yet 50% of those marriages will end in divorce. It does not have to be that way. Good marriages can be great marriages. An encouraging, nurturing environment made up of healthy relationships and solid marital role models can be key ingredients to the survival and health of a marriage. There is a way for a church to intentionally create this nurturing environment. The Family Life Office, in partnership with Samaritan Counseling Center’s Healthy Marriage Program, will host several FREE Wise Couple trainings in 2011. The eight-hour training, which would
normally cost $195.00 per couple, is provided free through Healthy Marriage’s Federal grant. The training will equip couples to use the Prepare-Enrich inventory and materials. Deacon Mark Bussemeier from Risen Savior Catholic Community has observed, “It’s not only those preparing for marriage who have benefited from the Wise Couple program; the married Wise Couples themselves have also grown in their marriages.” Clinical Psychologist, Dr. David Dennedy-Frank who represents the Pastoral Counseling Center in Santa Fe and attends Santa Maria de la Paz found that “Wise Couples’ marriages have been enriched and their “training” of other couples is a strong and vital example of peer support that is invaluable in our busy and challeng-
Marriage, A Sacrament By Heddy Long, Director, Family Life
I can remember how PROUD and HAPPY I was on our wedding day. Fr. McCarron described me “as happy as a bird chirping all the way to the altar to be with my soon-to-be-husband, Dick.” That’s because I was firmly sure and I still am, I was marrying the right man. Because of some superstitious beliefs, I wasn’t allowed to see Dick the day before the actual ceremony. I remember my sister-in-law having a fit, because Dick and I talked to each other at the beauty parlor. Hesitatingly, I had to ask Dick to leave. I remember my mother crying because her littlest one was getting married. I was only 24. I will always cherish that memory in my heart. What Dick remembered most was “feeling out of control, moving in a dream world.” We were married in Manila and all the traditions and ceremonies were unfamiliar to him. He expressed, “I knew I was going to end up with the deal of my life. I liked the idea of Heddy bring-
ing me closer to God. Marrying her was like buying an insurance policy --- she was my guarantee to heaven.” In spite of that, Dick further explained, “I didn’t think much of God that day. It was a ritual…Heddy and I were already married in spirit.” On our wedding day, I never thought of our sacrament as a covenant with God. I always thought of matrimony as a means that we use to get God’s and the Catholic Church’s approval of our union. I never thought of Christ being an active part of our union. I thought of Him as the King who was giving us His blessing and His approval that we live together till death do us part. As the years went by, as we continued to work on our marriage relationship and our covenant with God, our attitudes, beliefs and even our feelings about our Sacrament changed because we began to work on our relationship with one another. It may be true that our marriage is made in heaven, but the maintenance has to be made on earth, which was what we did. We See SACRAMENT on 24
ing world. As an Advisory Board member of the Healthy Marriages program, I have been convinced about the value of this innovative approach to making committed relationships stronger.” Wise Couples are couples who: • Have been married at least 5 years • Are willing to provide education and support based on program resources and their own experience to other couples • Are willing to mentor at least one other couple within a year of training Many parishes have already taken advantage of this opportunity offered both in English and Spanish; Risen Savior, Aquinas Newman Center, Our Lady of the Most Holy Rosary Catholic Community, Prince of Peace, Santa Maria de la Paz, Nuestra Señora de los Dolores, San Martin de Porres, to say a few. This unique opportunity can help
February 2011
build and strengthen your marriage enrichment program. Myrna B. Fraker, LPCC, a Catholic Therapist stated that “The program is a wonderful tool in helping young couples to discern the marital vocation with honesty and love.” We feel honored Archbishop Michael J. Sheehan has encouraged parishes to incorporate our program into their marriage preparation and enrichment programs. The next 2011 training opportunities are: February 12, March 5, and June 11. Our team is passionate about strengthening marriages and we want to work with your parish to help more couples make this a priority in 2011! If more information is needed or to register for a training, visit www.healthymarriagesnm.org or call 505.247.1511. We are happy to partner with parishes, for more information, contact Healthy Marriages Director Hillary Bravo at extension 405.
Rules for Good Fighting Fight constructively for the relationship, rather than destructively against each other. Remember that you are fighting with your best friend. A fight should be held in order to reach a solution, not to gain a victory. 1. Touch to comfort and heal. Hold hands while fighting. 2. Stick to the subject. Fight about one thing at a time. Be sure that you know what the subject is. 3. Don’t revive past history or fights that have already been settled. Stick to the issue at hand. 4. Don’t garbage dump. (That is, don’t bring up all the terrible rotten things that you think your spouse did to you). 5. Don’t hit below the belt. (Don’t take unfair advantage of your spouse’s sore points or weaknesses). Don’t wear your own belt too high. (Don’t be over-sensitive to remarks about yourself). 6. You can complain about what your spouse does, but not about who he or she is. 7. No name calling. You may not remember what the fight was about, but you will never forget the names you called each other. 8. Don’t walk out on a fight. Don’t go to bed without each other. Don’t refuse to fight. If something is very important to one spouse in a marriage, it is worth fighting over. (Some fights should be postponed or “put on hold,” in order to let one spouse, or the other, or both, cool off. But be honest and don’t use this “cooling off” idea as a cop out). 9. It is okay to agree to disagree on an issue. 10. Listen actively and openly to your spouse’s points. Maybe, by working together, you can reach a solution that is good for both of you.