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Jokes Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, "I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?" "Only one kiss per yard," replied the smirking male clerk. "That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards."

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What’s UP? There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is "UP." It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report? We call UP ! our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP! the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special. And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are

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Photographic Exhibition


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compiled by Offaly Historical & Archaeological Society and County Library Service Venue: Council Chamber, Town Hall, Cormac Street Time: 9.30am to 4.00pm Free of Charge and all welcome

Talk on the History of Urban Local Government and Tullamore Town Council in the Town Hall that evening. Speakers include Michael Byrne from the Offaly Historical & Archaeological Society and Dr. Matthew Potter, Department of History, Mary Immaculate College, University of Limerick and author of ’Urban Government and Civic Cultures in Ireland since 1800’ Confi ned to Invited Guests only due to limited space FRIDAY 24TH SEPTEMBER, 2010

purpose built barge designed to provide access to the waterways for all and is promoted and managed by the Muirosa Foundation in Monasterevin. Space is limited to 12 per tour so come early to avoid disappointment. Trips last approx. 1 hour Venue: Outer Canal Harbour beside Parochial House Time: 11.00am to 5.00pm (last tour 4.00pm) Free of Charge and all welcome

‘Party in The Park’ - Family activities in the Town Park sponsored by Age Action as part of Positive Ageing Week 2010 Venue: Lloyd Town Park, Cormac Street Time: 2.00pm to 6.00pm Free of Charge and all welcome young and old Tour of Tullamore Dew Heritage Centre

Photographic Exhibition compiled by Offaly Historical & Archaeological Society and County Library Service Venue: Council Chamber, Town Hall, Cormac Street Time: 9.30am to 4.00pm Free of Charge and all welcome SATURDAY 25TH SEPTEMBER, 2010

Barge 107 B Multimedia Exhibition showcasing 200 years of Grand Canal heritage and includes many rare photographs and film of the boating past. The Grand Canal was a major feature in the economic life of Tullamore in the 19th and early 20th centuries and like the Town Council has played a major part in shaping the thriving and vibrant town we have today. This particular barge dates back to 1930 and has been restored locally for the purpose of holding canal based exhibitions Venue: Moored close to the Tullamore Dew Heritage Ctr. Time: 11.00am to 5.00pm Free of Charge and all welcome

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Mass will be celebrated in Tullamore Parish Church to remember deceased Elected Members and staff of the Town Council Venue: Church of the Assumption, Tullamore Time: 1.00pm All Welcome

Historical Walking Tour of Tullamore conducted by Michael Byrne  of  the  O  aly Historical and Archaeological Society Venue: Meet at Lloyd Town Park (Cormac St. entrance) Time: 2.00pm Free of Charge and all welcome

‘Family Fun Day’ in the town park organised by the County Offaly Childcare Committee & Offaly County Council in conjunction with Tullamore Town Council. Come along and meet the Cathaoirleach and Members of Tullamore Town Council and get a free souvenir to mark the Council’s 150th Birthday and enjoy outdoor games, bouncy castles and see a magician in action

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MAGIC FOR SPORTS INJURIES: Offaly 2-12 Wexford 2-10

M Crean; J Brady 0-2, A Kelly, S Flannery 0-4; K Nugent, E Dermody 2-3(0-1f), T Hannon. Subs: M Davis Offaly held off a spirited Wexford in for Kelly (43); A Hughes 0-1 for a tumultuous second half to claim Nugent (45); E Dunne 0-1 for Flanthe honours in a Gala All-Ireland nery (56) camogie final for the second season in a row. Wexford: H Jacob; J Hayden, L Last year’s junior champions have O’Leary, C Atkinson; F Doran, L flourished under the stewardship of Codd, S Kehoe; E Moran, L Faithful legend Joachim Kelly and O’Connor; F Rochford 2-1, S Nolan, showed tremendous character to fin- S Redmond 0-1; S Kehoe, C ish strongly in this intermediate deO’Connor 0-5(3fs), Lisa Bolger 0-2. cider, after seeing their good work in Subs: E O’Connor for Nolan (ht); B the first half wiped out by Curran for Doran (ht); Linda Bolger Wexford’s scoring burst of 2-4 in 0-1 for Kehoe (54) the 19 minutes after the resumption. The pacy Fiona Rochford, who was switched to full-forward in the first half, bagged both of Wexford’s goals in the 45th and 49th minutes. The second brought the sides level at 2-8 apiece but crucially, Offaly hit back with four of the next five points. Ailsa Hughes notched up their first score in 15 minutes to put them in Reigning champions Clara have profront and Siobhan Flannery followed gressed to the semi-finals of this up with a wonder score, her fourth year's Tullamore Court Hotel Senior of the day. Football Championship after an exInspirational Wexford captain Claire citing game against Tubber at O’Connor reduced the margin to the O'Connor Park on Sunday evening. minimum from a free. But with the Offaly skipper Michae- Clara won by 1-13 to 0-12, having la Morkan colossal at centre-back led 0-8 to 0-5 at half time. Tullamthe midlanders kicked on. Emma ore fought back to level at 0-11 each Dunne and Arlene Watkins slotted with just over ten minutes to go, but the points which made Linda John Reynolds scored a goal to see Bolger’s riposte an insufficient one. them through. Tullamore and ShamIt had looked like a much more com- rocks had claimed the first two slots fortable day at the office for Offaly in the semi-finals the previous when the magnificent Elaine Dermo- evening. dy threatened to win the game on her own. The Drumcullen sharpshooter struck for goals in the eighth and 29th min- In the first game at O’Connor Park utes, and with Flannery driving over on Saturday, Tullamore led Walsh three points and Jean Brady provid- Island by 0-11 to 0-2 at the interval, ing two, they were full value for having been aided by a breeze. A their 2-7 to 0-4 interval lead despite William Mulhall goal midway the brilliance of Wexford centrethrough the second half cut the gap back Louise Codd. to just three points (0-12 to 1-6) but Wexford made two substitutions at ‘The Blues’ finished strong to win half time and with the switch of with five to spare. O’Connor and Rochford paying major dividends they made a thrilling contest of this final. Perhaps significantly though, they In the second part of the doublenever managed to get their noses in header, Ballycumber had the wind in front and it was Offaly who showed their favour in the first half and led the greater staying power to claim at the interval by 0-6 to 0-3. But the Jack McGrath Cup. Shamrocks took control in the secOffaly: A Kennedy; F Stephens, L ond half and two P.J. Ward goals Keena, K Brady; S Sullivan, M helped them to a 2-10 to 0-10. Morkan, L Sullivan; A Watkins 0-1,

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are: Ferbane v Ballycumber; Erin Rovers or St Rynagh's v Kinnitty. The Ferbane versus Rhode Senior Football Championship quarter-final was postponed due to a bereavement in the Rhode club and will be played on Wednesday, 15th September, at 6pm in O'Connor Park.

Meanwhile, in the SFC relegation play-offs, Erin Rovers beat Gracefield 1-14 to 0-14 and Edenderry defeated St Brigid’s 0-11 to 0-9. Therefore, Gracefield must play St Brigid’s, with the loser dropping to Intermediate for 2011.

Action continued in the Intermediate Football Championship over the weekend, with quarter-finals held. There were wins for Raheen over Doon (3-8 to 0-9), Durrow over Clonbullogue (2-7 to 2-5); St Rynagh’s over Birr (1-14 to 0-9); and Shannonbridge over Rhode (2-9 to 0-7). In the Intermediate Football Championship semi-finals, Raheen will play St Rynagh's and Shannonbridge will take on Durrow.

Clonmore Harps, who won the JFC ‘B’ in 2008, are in the JFC ‘A’ final following a 2-11 to 0-8 win over Daingean on Saturday. The will play Shamrocks in the final, as they beat Tullamore 4-8 to 0-8 on Friday evening.

Underage finals continued in Offaly on Saturday also, with Ferbane/ Belmont completing a hat-trick of titles, with their under 12 and under 16 teams capturing the silverware, after their under 14 team triumphed last Sunday. The results were:

U-12 ‘A’ FC Final: Ferbane/ Belmont 2-6, Clara 1-6 U-16 ‘A’ FC Final: Ferbane/ Belmont 6-9, Tullamore 1-4 U-12 ‘A’ HC Final: St Rynagh’s 1-6, Coolderry 1-4. U-16 'B' FC Final: Gracefield 1-16, DER Gaels 0-7.

Courtesy And in the Junior 'B' Football Championship semi-finals, the pairings

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Shine Through At National Finals As the Community Games year draws to a close for participants those representing Offaly at the national finals over two weekends of competition and fun at AIT were determined to make an exit from the season on a winning note, and that is exactly what a number of our children ensured in what was the most successful finals for the faithful county in the last decade.

around his neck, presented to him by Community Games president Michael Curely in recognition of his presence at the national finals.

Proceedings got underway on Friday 13th of August for what now has become known as National Finals Weekend 2. While the date itself is known to have bad omen it proved to be clearly myth for those who attended the new format opening concert which replaced what was previously known as the opening ceremony. The opening concert was the culmination of a lot of hard work by National Youth Director and Offaly man Kevin Doyle and his team. The event saw each county parade onto the all weather pitch at the Athlone campus and enter into a party fever. Former popstars singer and presenter of The Den Emma O'Driscoll was MC for the occasion accompanied by children's news programme, New2Day presenter Yvonne Redmond being the on pitch announcer.

Clara made their return to the Offaly Community Games scene this year and U8 swimmer Lee Tiernan made sure that it would be a return that would be noticed, as he swam his way to victory and the number 1 position on the rostrum in the boys freestyle event. Gracefield/Walsh Island swimmer John Ridgeway also found his place on the number one spot on the presentation podium after claiming the gold medal in the boys U12 freestyle event. Offaly has never been known as a stronghold county in the swimming event but the performances displayed by our gold medal winners and all our swimmers at this years finals will have changed the opinion of a lot of counties on this front.

The opening concert saw performances from former contestants and stalwarts of the games "The Desperate Duo" made up of Offaly man Jared Madden and Kildare man via Lanzorote David Timmons. Other performers on the day included parachute jumps by the Black Knights, Limerick drummer Larry Roche, DJ Paul as well a magician to name but a few.

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Irish athlete and Offaly man Gordon Kennedy was one this years esteemed guests at the national finals. A competitor at the national finals between 1993-1997 Gordon took time out to meet and greet some of the thousands of children taking part. He offered words of wisdom, reminding the children that the important thing was about taking part, and that while he never one a medal at the Community Games finals in their former home in Mosney he believes it played a huge roll in getting him to where he is today. While the Offaly man may never have won a medal during his competing days and is now somewhat over age he too was another Offaly man to leave the Athlone camp with a medal

Saturday morning was when the real action kicked off and on a weekend which saw children participating in events including swimming, gymnastics, cycling, skittles and gaelic football to name but a few.

Two medals in one weekend was not enough of a haul for the faithful county and Edenderry's Josef Kane added to the winning streak when he won silver in the boys u12 gymnastics. Like Clara, Killeigh also made a welcome return to the Offaly Community Games scene this year and Luke Price made sure that his area would be home to a national community games medal by winning bronze in the boys u14 gymnastics event. And so as weekend two of the national finals drew to a close the faithful county exited camp with 2 gold medals, a silver and a bronze and who could of predicted that there was more to follow. Weekend 3 has traditionally been the most action packed weekend on the community games front. Children from all over Ireland competed in competitions including, track and field events, rounders, basketball, hurling and mini rugby. Ferbane Parish representative Saul O'Carroll was quick off the mark to ensure and build on the success of the previous weeks actions and paced himself well coming in 2nd in both his heat and semi final before using all his reserves to cross the finish line sporting our new singlet

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Offaly Community Games Participants Shine Through At National Finals (continued)

in the number 1 position in the boys U10 100m hurdles. Laura Dolan another native of the green fields area, took part in the U16 javelin event and in what was her last year of competitive participation in community games she too made sure that another medal would make the short journey from Athlone and across the border into the faithful county when she claimed silver in her event. Olive Kearney of Mucklagh/Rahan/The Island was determined to bring home a medal to her area and after her brilliant performance in the girls U14 long puck competition she claimed a 4th place medal, adding to the total tally. Nicky Turtak of Birr represented not only his area but his county in the boys U12 ball throw and fought off stiff competition to make his way to the number 2 position in the presentation marquee.

finals. Every child who represented Offaly over the two weekends did so with pride and courage and we in Offaly Community Games could not be prouder of all those who represented us this year, to each and every child who participated let it be at area, county or national level this year, to you we say a big congratulations and we look forward to you coming back to join in the fun again next year. The success which has permeated throughout the county this year would not be possible without the commitment and dedication of all our hard working volunteers, the people who give so freely of their time to ensure that a safe and enjoyable environment is created for all our children to participate in. To each and everyone of you, your contribution is invaluable and all we can say is a big thank you.

2010 is definitely a year we can look back on and smile with fondness of the memories of a great year, but And the winning streak was not over this is not enough we can not let all just yet as Edenderry's James Mulli- the good work of this year stop here, our challenge now is to build on this gan stepped up to compete in the success. In the coming weeks each boys U16 discus. A seasoned comarea will be holding their AGM and petitor at the national finals James now is the time to encourage contindid not leave the 2010 finals disapued participation but also to promote pointed as he collected the bronze Community Games in our areas and medal in what proved to be a very welcome new volunteers for the tough competition. coming year. We can look back on the national finals in Athlone in August 2010 as Offaly Community Games will host their next County Executive meeting Offaly's most successful finals in on Tuesday 21st of September in over a decade. When we speak of The Bridge House Hotel Tullamore the success though we are not only at 8.30pm. All areas are reminded speaking of the medals which our that singlet's used at the national fichildren brought home but we are speaking of all the children who rep- nals are to be returned at this meetresented their area and county at the ing. Where dreams come true • Wedding Supplier Directory • Articles & Resources to help plan your Wedding

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Borrisoleigh native Noreen O Donnell became an Internet sensation in the week running up to the All Ireland Final. A video of her on YouTube has been viewed over 130,000 times. The video is a parody of the recent shameful case in England where a woman throws a cat in a wheelie bin. Noreen’s version (see images above) shows her approaching a wheelie bin and stroking a toy cat sitting on the lid, then looking around to make sure no one is watching before lifting the lid to put the toy Kilkenny Cat into the bin. On the underside of the lid is a poster that reads ‘Five in a Row, My Arse!’ The video was filmed by Noreen’s son Derry, the editor/publisher of the Offaly Tatler (this fantastic magazine that you are now reading) and Tipp Tatler who uploaded it the

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Tel / Fax: 057 9125256 Mob: 086 8071155 The World’s most advanced puncture preventative • Works for any tyre • Reduce running costs by up to 5c a litre • Can Extend the tyre life by up to 40%

Phelan Advisory & Training Services Soil Sampling Nutrient Management Planning Dept. of Agricultural Services Phone: 0504-32204 P.J.Phelan Mobile: 086-8046455

Advisory & Training Services Email:

Increase Sales, call the Offaly Tatler 0504-51945

Clara GAA Notes

Brian McDonnell & Sons n

By Mike Mullen, Clara GAA PRO. Weekly Club Lotto Weekly Lotto 11/09/10-There was no winner of the weekly club Lotto jackpot. The winning numbers were 2-1012-19. There were thirteen match three winners and they were Tommie Owens, Sam McLoughlin, Kevin Higgins, Niall Doorley, Louise and Jenny Gavin, Eileen Hughes(Jnr), Eamon Fleming, Jude Meehan, Fran Molloy, Niall Rooney, Nan Robbins, Steven Kelly and James Kelly. Next weeks lotto takes place in Cowens and the Jackpot is €4550. Thanks to all who support our lotto and thanks to all our ticket sellers.

Senior Football Championship Clara played Tubber in the quarter final of the championship on Sunday last and won on a scoreline of 1-13 to 0-12. Points by J Reynolds, J O’Hara and T Deehan along with a point by Tubber had Clara 0-3 to 0-1 up after 5 minutes. T Deehan then scored a free and Tubber got 3 points without reply to leave the match level at 0-4 each mid way though the half.The teams then swapped points, the Clara point coming from G Guilfoyle. T Deehan got 3 more points to leave the half time score 0-8 to 0-5. Tubber got the first 2 points of the second half before T Deehan got 2 frees. K Meehan then saved a penalty and Tubber scored a point. Another T Deehan point with 3 Tubber points left the scores level at 0-11 each going into the last ten minutes. J Reynolds got a goal to open up a 3 point lead. 2 Clara points from T Deehan and G Guilfoyle with a Tubber point left the full time score 1-13 to 0-12. Clara Team: K Meehan, A Cronin, J Ledwith, D Ledwith, D Kelly, M Mitchell, L Hiney, S Brady, R Brady, C Kelly, J O’Hara(0-1), G Guilfoyle(0-2), P Deehan, J Reynolds (1-1), T Deehan(0-9,0-5frees)

IHC All roads lead to Moystown next Sunday evening at 5.30 for our quarter final clash with St. Rynaghs. After finishing 2nd in our group hopes are high that we can go one better than last year and qualify for the semi finals. So come out and support the lads.

Tipperary. Brian we have no doubt that next year you will be the man in the middle.

U12 football Hard luck to our U12 footballers who were beaten by Ferbane/Belmont in the U12 football final played on an excellently prepared O’Connor Park last Saturday morning. After a great game of football we were beaten by a goal on a scoreline of 2-6 to 1-6. Well done lads on reaching the final and a thanks to your mentors Tony Egan, Greg Tierney, Mark Murray and Daithi Johnston.

Leaving Cert The club would like to congratulate all our players who received their Leaving Cert results recently. We wish you all the best for the future whatever that may be. Sponsor a Sod “Sponsor a Sod”- Clara GAA club would like to invite all current and past members (and anyone with any connection to the club, no matter how tenuous!) to be part of the launch of the new official Clara GAA Club website and the 'Sponsor a Sod' campaign. As part of our fund raising campaign to complete the new Championship pitch in Kilcoursey members and friends of the club are invited to sponsor a sod on the new pitch. Sponsors will receive a piece of the virtual pitch on a special page on our new website with each “sod” being added piece by piece to the page. Each “sod” can be purchased for €20 from any committee member .Log onto to see how our pitch is doing. Club Notes By Email Club Notes By Email-Anyone who wishes to recieve the club notes by email please send your email address to , you will be added to our email list and you should recieve them every Monday night.

Club Upcoming Fixtures Wed 15th Sep Minor Hurling St Davids v St Rynaghs in Banagher at 6.15pm.

Recovery Services Phone: 057 9343214 Book Review Infoquake by David Louis Edelman Review by Nigel Quinlan There’s nothing like a slick, smart, well-written science fiction thriller to set the mind buzzing and racing with strange new ideas and brilliant, imaginative, logical leaps into the future. The reader is plunged into a world that is utterly strange and yet oddly familiar, as human passions and drives and desires play their old games in this future funhouse. The future funhouse of Infoquake gives us a world where technology is literally built into people, turning them into walking iPhones, and the big business is in creating, developing and selling apps for a populace hungry for novelty and innovation. Fiefcorps compete savagely for their share of the market, and one of the youngest, hungriest and most devious of these fiefcorps is run by a supremely ambitious young man called Natch, along with his old friend Horvil, an engineer, and an analyst called Jara, who finds her conscience under severe strain thanks to some of Natch’s more underhanded strategies. Their exploits bring them to the attention of Margaret Surina, descendant of one of the geniuses who helped create the technology that shapes the world. Rumour has it that she may be set to reshape the world again with a mysterious new technology called Multireal.

With enemies and rivals closing in on all sides, Surina convinces Natch to prepare and develop Multireal for demonstration and release in only a few days. But potentially lethal rivals and a crushing deadline are only minor problems compared to the biggest of all: nobody seems to know what Multireal is. At heart, Infoquake is an old-school corporate thriller full of cut-throat boardroom politics, manoeuvres and countermanoeuvres, back-stabbing and betrayal, all married to a vividly realised world full of wild technological marvels. It’s an adrenaline-fuelled ride from start to finish as Natch and friends fight to stay alive and stay on top. Infoquake is available in paperback from Sheelagh na Gig bookshop. Call in or order by post with free post and packing. Sheelagh na Gig bookshop, Cloughjordan, is open 6 days a week: Tue-Thu 9.30am-5pm, Fri 9.30am-6pm, Sat 10am-6pm and Sunday 1pm-6pm. Tel: 0505 42123, email,, or follow us on Twitter @sheelaghnagig.

Repetition is an important part of Advertising Why?

Congratulations The club would like to congratulate our local referee Brian Gavin on running the line in last Sundays All-Ireland final between Kilkenny and

Sat 18th Sep U10 Football blitz in Tullamore Sun 19th Intermediate Hurling Q/Final Clara v St Rynaghs in Moystown at 5.30pm

Because it is through repetition that you establish your credibility, establish brand familiarity and become the first thought when a need for your type of product or service arises.

PRODUCTS & SERVICES - PRODUCTS & SERVICES Raymond Heavin Specialising in: Buy 5 Get 1 Free Concrete Finishing & Core Drilling When you prepay for 5 ads you 1 Free Call 0504-51945 To avail of this Special Offer



Main Street, Banagher, Co. Offaly • Tel: 057 9151080 Gas Cookers • Fridges • Vacuum Cleaners Kitchen Appliances • Sim Free Mobile Phones Huge selection of Lighting Digital Technology Cameras MP3 / IPODs / Portable DVD Players

Covering All Offaly & Nationwide

Mobile: 087 1326712 O’Moore Street, Tullamore, Co. Offaly Tel: 085 738 5772

DRESSMAKING & ALTERATIONS Bridal Wear, Graduation Dresses, Wedding Outfits, Evening Wear

Clara U-14 County Champions 2010Open: Tues - Fri: 10am - 5pm & Sat: 10am - 2pm Evening Appointments Available for Bridal, Everything Electrical Graduation & Occasional Wear Killion Garden Centre 057-912 0974 Summer Bedding, Patio Plants, Window Boxes, Wall Baskets, Large Selection Of Pre-Planted Hanging Baskets, Pots and Grave Tubs or your own Refilled. Shrubs, Trees, Perennials, Roses, Etc. Landscaping & Garden Maintenance

5 mins from Birr on Kinnity Road

Cleaning Doctor We are tough on dirt yet gentle on your home


Bernard Lynam Stonework • Stonewalls • Patios • Fireplaces • Flower & Shrub Containers • Old Well Water Feature

All built with Natural Stone

Call Robert 057-9350014 / 086-3225743

Complete Computer Solutions

Amazing results in only 2 weeks To learn more, please contact Mary Murphy F.S.T. Practitioner

0505-47358 086-2232936 Advanced Sports Performance Ireland

Clara House Clara, Co. Offaly Tel: 057 936 8913 Mob: 087 264 9401


“Arrive as a group, leave as a team” Email:

Email: Tinlough, Carrig, Birr

Bergin Kitchen & Bedrooms Rathdowney Pat: 0505-41277 Mbl: 086-8339630 Shinrone Robbie: 0505-47501 Mbl: 086-3523844


Provide PC & Laptop Repairs • Virus Removal, • Non starting machines • Cracked Screens, Slow Computers & much more

• Roof Slate/Tile Colours Slate Grey/Black/Red/Terracotta & Much More

• Hotel/Bar/Dumpster Area Washing • Wheelie Bin/Skip Wash Fully Insured • Chewing Gum/Graffiti Removal & Registered • Sign Cleaning (Road/Commercial) • Window Cleaning

Free collection & Professional Service

ADD / ADHD Speech Delay Concentration Issues Autism Dyslexia Hypersensitive Hearing Sensory Processing Disorder Aspergers Syndrome Learning Disability

Tel: 057 91 20156 / 25659 Mobile: 087 2597993 / 8339632 Fax: 057 91 20164



With Filtered Sound Training

087 6437118

Smyths Sand & Gravel LTD.

Opening Hours: 10.00am-6.00pm Six days a week Main Street, Birr, Co. Offaly Tel/Fax: 057 9120766

You'll receive the most thorough clean ever or it's free!

Train the Brain and Behaviour

Leagh, Roscrea, Co. Tipperary

PROMPT DELIVERY 057 9341467 087 9223647

Fitting Service Available Free Delivery

•Thorough Cleaning by Experts •Dry Carpets in 30 minutes •Stain and Odour Removal

•Roofing •1st & 2nd Fixing •Extensions •Renovations

Washed Sand & Gravel, Broken Stone, Washed Drainage Chippings, Claus 804, Lego Block Wall and Floor Screed Now Available

Complete Home Furnishings

Carpet, Curtain & Upholstery Cleaning and Restoration Services

Carpentry Service

Suppliers of Ready Mixed Concrete

Birr Carpets & Furnishings Ltd.

Home Cleaning Services

Adrian Naylor

Or email:

Counselling & Psychotherapy Feeling depressed, anxiety, stress, Relationship problems...? Need someone to talk to in confidence?

We also water seal your roof from the inside with

Ian: 085-2464143 waterproof spray foam Patrick: 085-7219527 Email:

Joe Dunican Plumbing and Heating Solar Panels

Contact Nora: 087-7453870


Doyles Undertakers Roscrea Est. 1983

0505-21722 24hr Service Embalming Overseas Shipments Funeral Home Facilities Personal Supervision

Domestic & Industrial

Dermot Guinan Mini-Bus Hire 14 & 26 Seater Available All Occasions Catered For

Dermot Guinan

086-254 5189 or 057-9135 270


Costello Engineering

Michéal Fox

Sheds Gates Feederbarriers Cattle Pens and Crushes General Steel Fabrication Supplier of all types of Steel at very competitive prices


Tel: 057 9121411 The Arch, Unit 2, Green Street Birr, Co. Offaly


Killeen Bearings & Motor Factors Ltd Killeen Birr Co. Offaly

Tammy Spain Dip, C.S.C.T. Counsellor

In Time....offers couselling for Bereavement, Rape/Sexual Assault, Anxiety, Work and School Related Stress, OCD (Obssesive CompulsiveDisorder), Post Natal Depression, Loneliness and more.... Life Coaching....Looking at ways to improve your life, Setting goals and achieving them by unleashing the real you.

Renewable Energy Solar Panels Underfloor Heating Oil, Gas, Solid Fuel Control Heating Systems

087 2768148

"How to Get More Customers" Download FREE Report Now or Call now 087 687 3223 Eamon Ward Bookkeeping Services

Tim Ryan Monumental Sculptor

HEADSTONES Limestone, Marble & Granite Irish Celtic Crosses Stone Cleaning & Inscriptions Templederry, Nenagh Tel: (087) 270 3615 & (086) 192 1554 Email:

Kitchen Worktops Custom Made Stove Hearths in granite

Puncture Preventative

& Tyre Life Extender

WIXTED ELECTRICAL New Builds • Extensions • Renovations (Prop: James Wixted) Templemore, Co. Tipperary.

Maintenance Contractors

086 - 3958 694 C2 Reg, Fully Insured FREE QUOTATIONS

Secure your Premises with Automatic Gates A closed gate is a great deterrent to keep unwanted intruders away

Repairs Punctures “As they happen”

Solid Fuel - Turf / Firewood

Castle Video & Photography Weddings 086-8230506 057-9121047 Contact Camillus King

Willie Naylor Patio Slabs Decorative Stone in tonne bags

Full / Half Lorry Loads Good Quality Dry Seasoned Hopper Turf / Firewood Available in Bags Variable Size Loads (Offaly) 087-0904953

(Tipp) 087-1413238

Dooley’s Pre-Cast Concrete Lentils. Panel Fencing, Pillars, Cills, Slabs, Septic Tanks, Bio Cycle Tanks, Kerbs, Fountains, Flower Pots, Brick Paving, Limestone Slabs Phone/Fax: 0505 22132 Contact John: 086 6000 188 Contact Patrick: 086 3039239 Delivery Service Available

BLINDS & CURTAINS Roller, Wood, Venetian & Vertical Readymade & Made-To-Measure Curtains Wide Range to Choose from & Best Price Around

Fitting & Measuring Service Provided P.J. & Breda Jones, Moneygall 0505-45287 / 087-2717465 / 087-2593111

Chris Young

Computer Specialist Small Businesses and Homes





• Works for any tyre • Reduce running costs by 5c a litre • Extends the tyre life by up to 40%


• Gates Supplied & Automated Tel: • GSM Gate Openers Email: Philip Quirke • DIY Gate Kits Tel:0504-42497 • CCTV Systems Web:


Ireland Ltd. 083-0032400

Permanent Tyre Puncture Repairs

Dungar, Roscrea Tel / Fax: (0505) 21534

Domestic - Commercial - Industrial

Tel: (057 91) 31159 Mobile: (087) 2526515 Email:

067 21388


Main Street, Birr, Co. Offaly

Together We Can Beat This Recession.

T/A Belhill Electrical, Belhill, Clareen Birr, Co. Offaly Carrig, Birr

Phone 0509 25805 Mobile: 086 0648454 Fax: 0509 25805 Email:

John Maher Electrical

Brophy Plumbing & Heating

Tel: 057 91 20456 Mbl: 087 686 2814 Fax: 057 91 20985

IN TIME.... Private Counselling Service


Bearings • Belts • Chains • Oil Tools • Filters • Shocks


Specialising in Roman blinds All types of Rollers and Venetians Made to measure curtains or re-vamp your old curtains


Castlecuff, Clonaslee, Co. Laois


Proprietors: Marie & Bernie

FENCING CONTRACTOR Call Michéal 086 804 2147

Manufacturers of:

Internet Networking Repairs Security Websites

086 8150890

Slabs Panel Fencing Garden Edging Tel:

057 91 39123


087 227 2871

TERRY NAYLOR CONCRETE PRODUCTS • Fast efficient way to pour your concrete finished floors • Ideal for underfloor heating • Up to 300sqm poured in a day

Flo-Screed Self Levelling concrete Flooring Supplied and layed Phone: 0579139037 Fax: 057 9139974 Mobile: 087 2758311

General Plumbing & Maintenance Emergency Call Out Service Boiler/Heating Bathroom Upgrades Colm Ryan 087-3233820

William Buckley Specialist in Wall & Floor Tiling Ceramic, Mosaic, Quarry & Vinyl 1 Esker Court, Clara, Co. Offaly 087-6601101 or 057-9330124

For ads that get noticed, not lost, call the Offaly Tatler 0504-51945

Classified Ads “You’ve a much better chance of selling it closer to home! would You travel to West Cork to buy a used telly? ........neither would I!”

You can pay for all ads by Credit Card or Laser

Sell Your Stuff!

per issue (line adverts)

(For up to 25 words. Over 25 words add .25c per word Highlight your classified ad with a colour background €10 Place a box around your ad and include photo €20 Payments by Credit Card or Laser - Minimum of €10

To place a classified ad post ad with payment to: Offaly Tatler, Curraghgraigue, Borrisoleigh, Co. Tipperary

Need Extra Cash? Clear out your attic Empty Your Shed Sell it Fast in The Offaly Tatler

This size ad + photo €20 Phone 0504-51945 Email:

Financial Servic- Hire / Sale


es Longman’s Latin Grammar Part 1.

Need advice on mortgages,clearing

Phone: (086) 1225747 iss5

debt, life assurance costs,health cover etc contact Eamonn Walsh

Counselling Professional counselling available in the Thurles area. The service covers general counselling, be-

now 086-0471147 iss145

Gardening Mini Chip Garden Bark , Top quality 75 litre Bags, Wholesale Price, can deliver Boomerang 0504 90402/ 087 9042625

stress, anxiety, self-esteem, relationship difficulties and couples counselling. Qualification recognised by the Irish Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (IACP). Some evening appointments available. ph Jim O Shea

Bonhams for Sale Beautiful multi-coloured piglets for sale. Outdoor breed. Thriving well. Male and female. Tel; 086 4021659

To Rent

One ladies 3 piece Olive Green suit, size 12, design Gold by Michael H., worn once. Original price €480, asking €250, feathers included. Also 3 piece ladies suit, size 14, bronze and champagne. Design name John Charles. Bought in Olivia Dnaielle’s and worn once. Original price €590, asking €300. Receipt can be seen. 085-8221054 / 05793 55826 iss6

Commercial/Storage Units to rent,

Health & Beauty

Full and half lorry loads of turf de-

Durrow, Tullamore, Co. Offaly. Tel: 087-9866000

Turf / Firewood Lorry loads of Turf/Firewood for sale, also in bags, big and small. 087-1413238 iss156 livered. 087-0904953 iss152

Make-Up Artist. Carmel Ryan is a

reavement, suicide bereavement,

087-8211 009


Swedish Redwood decking boards and components. Tanalised and Pressure treated. Prices starting at €2.00 per sq foot for joists and boards. Patrick Cody Ltd., Clonakenny, Roscrea, for all your decking requirements. We also supply new type Redwood Railway Sleepers. Delivery service available. Tel: 0505 43154 iss147

freelance make-up artist, based in Roscrea, Co. Tipperary. she specialises in


make-up for debs and bridal parties.

Complete Wedding Album or story For your wedding, she offers a mobile book, 3 DVDs of all the wedding. service in the comfort and privacy of Music - Djs - Singalong Karaoke,

your own home. Mobile: 087-

photos taken. Also video conversion,

2773351 iss150

duplicates. 087-2606110 or 0909 643045

Life in the 1500s The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be. Here are some facts about the 1500s:

privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children - last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty someone could actually get lost in it! Hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater."

Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May and still smelled pretty good by the next month. Even so, they were starting to stink, so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.

Houses had thatched roofs - thick straw piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the dogs, cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying "It's raining cats and dogs."

Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the

There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house in those days. This posed a real problem in the bedroom, where bugs and other droppings could really mess up a nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence. The floors were dirt, and only the wealthy had something other than dirt, from which came the saying "dirt poor." The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on the floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they kept adding more thresh until when the door was opened it would all start slipping outside. A piece of

wood was placed in the entranceway to prevent this, hence the saying a "thresh hold." Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man "could bring home the bacon." They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and "chew the fat." Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or "upper crust."


Take your first steps to healthy feet

Do you suffer discomfort from……… Corns; Callus & or cracked heels Athlete’s foot; Ingrown toe nails Fungal & thickened nails; Verrucas Mobile clinic available on Unable to cut your nails.

CANGORT MEMORIALS • Headstones of distinction erected countrywide • Quality cleaning service


All work completed without delay

MARY MURPHY S.A.C. Dip FHPT S.A.C. Dip FHPP Registered Member of the Irish Chiropodists/Podiatrists Organisation Ltd

Tel: 087 8475307 / 086 6075415

To an appointment Contact Mary on (086)3519416

Joe Grogan Construction Ltd. • New Builds • Renovations • Concrete Work Tel: 087 2605693

Pat MorrisAnnagh, Birr Metal Recycling Think Recycling, The Possibilities Are Endless


Bar Seating New or Re-Upholstered Collect & Deliver Free


Co Steel Sheds & Garages All sizes Maintenance Free

24 Hour Nationwide Recovery Service

Delivered and Erected

Templemore Co. Tipperary Ph: 0504-31333

087-796 4298 / 087-983 2832

Display Area Now Open 7 Days

Sills Lintels Kerbing Patio Slabs

Post & Panel Fencing Wall & Pier Capping Septic Tanks Ornamental Garden Products

Phone/Fax 067 31083 Mbl: 086 8353197 Web: Email



Your idea Corporate • Workwear HERE! Hen & Stag Night • Birthdays T-shirts • Hoodies • Sweatshirts Polo & Rugby Shirts • Jackets


Creoistdered em br ri n te d rp

Personalised Gifts School Club Crests Premiership Jersey No's Kevin Mahon


Banagher, Co. Offaly Crinkle Birr 087 6176472 057 9120103 Office - 057 52982 Email:


Computer Troubleshooters TECHNOLOGY SOLVED

• Laptop & PC Repairs • Virus Control • Clean up, Speed up • Websites

• Internet, Email • Networks, Wireless • New Systems Supplied • Call Out Available Tel: 057 9341603 Mob: 087 2305385

Irish Shamrock Trees All Trees, Tree Plants & Hedging

(05791) 21580 086 8727618


24hr service

Whitethorn & Beech Hedging etc. etc. Ring John anytime

Riverstown, Birr, Co. Offaly

087-274 3914

Roscrea Glazing Manufacturers of Double Glazed Unit

Noel Kileen

Building Contractor

Roofing Supplies Between Birr and Portumna

Covering all areas of North and South Tipperary


Unit 1 Industrial Estate, Shinrone, Birr

TOM TURNER & SONS Motor Engineer

VW, Audi & Mercedes Specialists Service & Repairs NCT Pre-Test Motor Caravan DOE Pre-Tests Camper Conversions

Roof Cladding Available

all colours, all lengths available now We do a full range of Flashings and Accessories, PVC or Polyester Ready to Erect Sheds, Made to Order Box Profile & corrugated available in all lengths Nationwide delivery Ph: 087-9390661

Dog Grooming and Boarding Kennels Pick up service locally Tel:

0505 47239



Resonable Rates New Houses Quality Service Extensions Free Quotations Attic Conversions Fully Registered Local Authority Grants Insurance Claims General Building Work

Contact Michael

087 1411248

Spooners Contract Cleaning Services

Heads ‘n Tails Michael Morkan Groomer, Member of IPDGA

087 9692992

ROSCREA Rd., Shinrone, Birr, Co. Offaly

Premier Industrial Equipment Ltd Dumpers • Diggers • Rollers • Water Pumps Mixers • Cherrypickers • Pokers • P/Floats

Tony Monaghan, Tullamore

Ph: 086 8776737



Mob: 087-2561835 Mob: 086-2561835

Ballinwear Pre-Cast Concrete Ltd.

Over 30 Years in Business TEL: 057-9120620 MOB: 087-1223384

Tel/Fax: 057 9122985 Mike: 087 6680668 Jacinta: 087 2986652 Mill Street, Birr, Co. Offaly

Cangort Park, Shinrone, Co. Offaly

Vehicles for recycling collected Phone 090 - 97 39098 mbl: 086 0850263 Fax. 090 - 97 39177.

Tiles & Timber Flooring Ltd. Large range of tiles and timber floors Available, Solid Doors available. Professional fitting service available Free Quotation Free Delivery |Presented by: Mike Gavin



• Industrial, Commercial & Domestic • Tarmac & concrete drives restored and coated • Slate and tile roofs cleaned/washed • House painting and roof painting • Carpet, tile and window cleaning • Mobile car valeting • Floor polishing, • Oven cleaning, house dusting

Phone Darragh for a free competitive quote on

087-2273934 Work Guaranteed, Fully Insured and Registered

Increase Sales, call the Offaly Tatler 0504-51945

When the plane you are on is late, the plane you want to transfer to is on time. ~Author Unknown

Cryptic Crossword

ACROSS 1. Moor up behind Mac on the Sullane River in Cork town which once had a castle owned by William Penn, whose son founded Pennsylvania. (7) 4. Dog bone about in Clare village near Kilkee where the Clooraclare river enters the sea. (7) 9. Or table I'm shifting in West Cork boat building town, a stronghold of the O'Driscolls. (9) 10. Dilly goes out into the picturesque countryside. (5) 11. Forgeries are safe around the king. (5) 13. Veil disturbed in a very bad way. (4) 15. Spoon around on the way back through Ballyferriter it's claimed. (4) 16. Longed to be over in Tipperary village near Thomastown, on the Suir, home to the de Burghs. (6) 17. One try up in Ulster county with no coastline except for Lough Neagh, where the O'Neills held sway. (6) 21. Push hard suddenly with a soft stick. (4) 22. Note well there's some hesitation inside showing a lack of feeling. (4) 24. Lug back the silver to the Russian place of detention. (5) 27. Cyril is confused about the poetic description. (5) 28. Ann, mud is dispersed on the way to small Cork town in wild rocky countryside beyond Bandon. (9) 29. Tile rim broken in Connacht village naming its county. (7) 30. Blurs in another way in busy Antrim linen town which was rebuilt after a fire in 1707. (7) DOWN 1. Six fifty surrounded by a furry digger in Donegal resort on Lough Foyle, near Greencastle. (7) 2. Only European Community leaders get confused about Cork village with a 14th century Cathedral. (6) 3. Alternatively, Mr. Capone, by word of mouth. (4) 5. Leave it out, there's nothing before a thousand get it. (4) 6. Second class item in the auction will leave its mark. (4) 7. Angel, Mr., over Antrim village north of Larne, named for one of the nine Glens of Antrim. (7) 8. Elk wandering in the day in Co. Dublin resort where Shaw lived in Torca Cottage from 1866-74. (6)

11. Running away from strong Cork water on top of mixed gin. (7) 12. Remaining and supporting? (7) 14. Mr. Doonican I'd say is genuine. (5) 15. "Pity the man drowned in the -----, for after the rain comes the sunshine." Irish Proverb. (5) 18. Did laps around picturesque Galway resort in the Gaeltacht with a sandy beach on Galway Bay. (7) 19. Way lag went out to Connacht city with much Spanish architecture, due to past trading links.(6) 20. Och, clan uprising in ancient Irish beehive shaped drystone hut. (7) 23. Ulster Unionist leaders in mix-up over bare office. (6) 25. Christina is finally up against it. (4) 26. Honest place to buy and sell cattle? (4) 27. Fifty one on ship going to ancient Irish fort. (4)

Grow Your Business!

Sudoku for Kids! Every row, column and minigrid must contain the numbers 1 through 4. Don’t guess use logic!

2 4

1 4 1


2 3


Call the Offaly Tatler today & Promote Your Business throughout Co Offaly. Phone 087-6258475 / 0504-51945 “Trying to do Business without Advertising is like winking at A girl in the dark. You know you’re doing it, but no one else does” Phone today to Book your ad, Tel: Fiona 087-6258475 Office 0504-51945 E:

Solution to crossword in last issue (No. 4)

Increase Sales, call the Offaly Tatler 0504-51945


Testimonials Our sister publication the Tipp Tatler has been providing excellent results for our advertisers for over 8 years. Here’s what some have to say “We are very happy with the service provided by the Tipp Tatler, it gets us lots of local jobs”. Jason, Drain It Ltd. “We find the Tipp Tatler to be a great advertising medium. Its distribution means our business is promoted over a large area to a wide range of people ensuring our business remains successful”. Tom Gleeson – Arra Communications, Nenagh

Prayers The Miraculous Prayer – Dear Heart of Jesus, in the past I’ve asked for many favours. This time I ask You this very special one (mention favour). Take it Dear Heart of Jesus and place it within Your own broken heart where Your Father sees it. Then in His merciful eyes it will become Your favour, not mine. Amen. Say this prayer for 3 days, promise publication and favour will be granted. Never known to fail. R.O.D.. The Miraculous Prayer – Dear Heart of Jesus, in the past I’ve asked for many favours. This time I ask You this very special one (mention favour). Take it Dear Heart of Jesus and place it within Your own broken heart where Your Father sees it. Then in His merciful eyes it will become Your favour, not mine.

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Bereavement and grieving (continued from previous issue)

Do we all grieve the same way? This is a very important question. By assuming that we all grieve in the same way, we can sometimes cause offence and pain to the bereaved by offering well meant but ill-conceived remarks. I used to be extremely angry when people said to me you have an angel in Heaven  . I didn  t want an angel in Heaven. I wanted my child on earth. People were projecting their own feelings onto me.

There are many factors that ensure that we all grieve differently. Counsellors call Amen. Say this prayer for 3 days, these mediators of mourning. One of the promise publication and favour will be most important is that of relationship and kinship. Clearly a different response may granted. Never known to fail. T.S. be forthcoming at the death of an aged parent as against that of a child. The death The Miraculous Prayer – of a distant cousin will evoke a different Dear Heart of Jesus, in the past I’ve asked response to that of a sibling. And so on. for many favours. This time I ask You this very special one (mention favour). Take it Dear Heart of Jesus and place it within Your own broken heart where Your Father sees it. Then in His merciful eyes it will become Your favour, not mine. Amen. Say this prayer for 3 days, promise publication and favour will be granted. Never known to fail. D.R.

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The nature of the attachment between the survivor and the deceased is one of the most crucial elements affecting the grief response. Attachment has been much written about by psychologists. It is a complex issue, but at its simplest, the stronger the attachment the greater the grieving pain. A counsellor called Mary Jones once wrote that   grief is the price we pay for love  . How often did Isay this when I was grieving for my child, when I prayed for relief from the torment. Of course, I found there was no escape. I loved my child dearly, and hence my pain was great. In a sense it was a contradiction for me to pray for release. It was like praying for release from the love I had for my child. Bereavement writers, however, also caution us that, in some cases, love may constitute a level of dependency that is intolerant of separation. In such cases the survivor may experience intense anger at being left alone. On a contrary level, the death of a person may sometimes be a source of relief to a survivor. This, for example, has been called relationship relief following the death of an abusive partner. There is also a grief reaction called dual relief, i.e. relief for the survivor and for the deceased who had suffered a long, painful illness.

Another factor, which influences the nature of grief, lies in the mode of death. These can be broken down into 4 broad categories    natural, accidental, suicidal and homicidal. Within each of these there are many variables that cannot be touched on in brief articles such as these. I would, however, like to look at some subtypes. In this article I will confine myself to a brief exploration of survivors following the death of a person with AIDS. We do not hear much about AIDS nowadays, except in relation to the huge

By Jim O’Shea amount of people suffering from it in Africa. But, it is a reality in Ireland, and people whose relations or partners have died from AIDS related diseases suffer particular grief responses. Since AIDS is transmitted through bodily fluids sexual partners may be anxious about their own health, and may confuse some of the physical sensations or illnesses associated with bereavement with those stemming from AIDS. This can greatly add to their anxiety. Survivors may also conceal the real reason for death because of the social stigma associated with the disease. This deception can lead to anxiety, anger and guilt. There is also the question of the lack of of social support, and the exclusion of a gay lover from the family grieving process. Because AIDS is essentially associated with the gay community, AIDS related deaths may impact heavily upon members of that community, who are often faced with multiple losses. AIDS related illnesses can leave a person mentally and physically impaired, and survivors of these losses often experience intense guilt and prolonged sad memories of the deceased. Sometimes AIDS sufferers develop behaviours similar to Alzheimer sufferers, and this can lead to an early grief response in friends and family. In conclusion, AIDS related deaths often evoke rage, fear, shame, isolation and lack of support. It can cause conflict in families, and encourages secrecy. In a sense, some survivors may be denied the social right to mourn and to seek consolation from others. (continued in next issue) Jim O’Shea works as a counsellor from Furze, Thurles. Ph. 087 8211009 . JimO’Shea’s book ‘When a child dies. Footsteps of a Grieving Family’ is published by Veritas. The royalties from this book will go tosthe Children’s Hospital in Crumlin.

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Offaly Tatler Issue 6 September 2010  

The Offaly Tatler is a free fortnightly magazine distributed throughout Co Offaly.

Offaly Tatler Issue 6 September 2010  

The Offaly Tatler is a free fortnightly magazine distributed throughout Co Offaly.