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Jokes The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing €1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time (weight-lifters, rugby players, etc.) but nobody could do it. One day this scrawny little man came into the bar, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny
squeaky voice " I'd like to try the bet" After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the €1000, and asked the little man "what do you do for a living? Are you a lumber-
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jack, a weight-lifter, or what?" The man replied "I work for the Revenue."
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear"
A housewife, tired of her husbands answers to “What would you like for dinner” came up with a way of solving the problem. She labelled all the food on her shelves and in the fridgewith stickers saying "Whatever," "Anything," "I Don't Know," "I Don't Care," "Something Good," or "Food." Now he gets whatever he chooses.
Ways to tell you've grown up:Your houseplants are alive and you can't smoke any of them. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question. You keep more food than beer in the fridge. 6am is when you get up, not when you go to bed. You go from 130 days of holidays to 14. You're the one calling the police because those kids next door won't turn down the music. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt. You take naps. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one. You go to the chemist for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
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Specialists in the upgrading of single pane glass to energy efficient double glazed units. • This procedure is as effective as replacing frames with new upvc .The glass units used are the same as in new upvc frames • Reglazing existing frames is very successful. • Frames are rebated to fit in the new unit typically a 20mm unit as standard.The unit is then sealed and secured using appropriate slips(teak Frames) or beading(aluminium frames) Also if required frames can be sanded and openings draft proofed. This increases energy efficiency in the home along with drowning out noise from outside. • If your windows are drafty, we provide a draft proofing service. • Energy efficient glass-it has been stated that high performance insulation glass is up to 136% better than standard double glazing. Advantaged of energy efficient glass: Helps to achieve high window energy ratings when combined in suitable framing. • Helps cut energy cost/fuel bills • Makes your home more comfortable • Eliminates uncomfortable cold spots close to windows.
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Wheelchair Hurling Club Proposed for Co. Offaly & Co. Westmeath Do You Have a Passion for Hurling? Offaly and Westmeath Sports Partnership, in conjunction with the Offaly and Westmeath ‘Coaching and Games Promotion Officers’ are currently recruiting members to join a WHEELCHAIR HURLING CLUB in Co. Offaly and Westmeath. Wheelchair Hurling is a relatively new and exciting competitive sport for manual wheelchair users. This is an action packed, skilful team sport targeting 8 to 18 year olds of all abilities. Offaly and Westmeath GAA Development Officers fully support the establishment of this exciting new club and are looking toward recruiting interested parties. If you wish to get involved either as a participant or spectator, please contact:
Claire Grehan, Offaly Sports Partnership - 057 93 57463 / email@example.com Mary Duignan, Westmeath Sports partnership - (044) 93 38921 / firstname.lastname@example.org Ref: www.offalysports.ie
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Book Review The Holy Thief by William Ryan Review by Nigel Quinlan This superb thriller, by an Irish author, is set in Moscow in 1936, a hungry, fearful place. The Revolution is in full swing. Stalin reigns supreme. The secret police stalk the streets and offices and homes and informers whisper in their ears. Every now and then the statue of a Russian hero is taken down and his picture removed and he is never heard from again. The populace walk on eggshells, but the real Terror is yet to come. The churches are deconsecrated and religion is a crime, but Russia’s long, devout history does not die easily. After the discovery of the horribly mutilated body of a women displayed on the altar of a church, Captain Alexei Dimitrevich Korolev of the Criminal Investigation Division of the Moscow Militia investigates. The discovery that the body is that of an American citizen causes grave concern and draws unwelcome attention from his superiors and from the NKVD. More bodies are discovered, and Korolev follows a trail that takes him to the lowest depths of the Moscow underworld and the highest reaches of his own organisation. Gripping and atmospheric, this debut thriller threatens to charge off into serial-killer-meets-DaVinci
Code territory, with its horrible murders and historical artefacts, but Ryan keeps the story firmly grounded, so much so that one of the most memorable sections of the book is a trip to a Spartak Moscow soccer match, depicting the crush and excitement and the hurly-burly with an impressive eye for detail. Korolev is an engaging character, strong, decent, secretly religious, determinedly optimistic about Russia’s communist future. This is the first volume of a series that promises to be one of the most interesting forays into historical crime fiction in recent years.
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The Holy Thief is available in paperback from Sheelagh na Gig bookshop. Call in or order by post with free post and packing. Sheelagh na Gig bookshop, Cloughjordan, is open 6 days a week: Tue-Thu 9.30am-5pm, Fri 9.30am-6pm, Sat 10am-6pm and Sunday 1pm-6pm. Tel: 0505 42123, email, email@example.com, or follow us on Twitter @sheelaghnagig.
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Top Ten Reasons Why Dogs Are Better Pets Than Cats 1. Dogs will tilt their heads and try to understand every word you say. Cats will ignore you and take a nap. 2. Cats look silly on a leash. 3. When you come home from work, your dog will be happy and lick your face. Cats will still be mad at you for leaving in the first place. 4. Dogs will give you unconditional love until the day they die. Cats will make you pay for every mistake you've ever made since the day you were born. 5. A dog knows when you're sad. And he'll try to comfort you. Cats don't care how you feel, as long as you remember where the can opener is.
6. Dogs will bring you your slippers. Cats will drop a dead mouse in your slippers. 7. When you take them for a ride, dogs will sit on the seat next to you. Cats have to have their own private basket, or they won't go at all. 8. Dogs will come when you call them. And they'll be happy. Cats will have someone take a message and get back to you. 9. Dogs will play fetch with you all day long. The only thing cats will play with all day long are small rodents or bugs, preferably ones that look like they're in pain. 10. Dogs will wake you up if the house is on fire. Cats will quietly sneak out the back door.
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Based on last year’s feedback, we are making the session longer so that you can meet as many contacts as possible. We have Following on from the success of also reduced the fee from €25 to last year’s Midlands Speed Netjust €20. working Event, Offaly & Westmeath County Enterprise Boards Registration: 1.30 pm are organising the event again Networking: 2.00 pm - 5.00 pm this year, in conjunction with Venue: Tullamore Court Hotel Athlone, Tullamore, Mullingar and the Midlands Gateway Notes Chambers. • If you book a place you MUST stay for the duration of the event. If you are looking to promote • Pre-Booking is essential, closyour business and find new cus- ing date is Friday, 10th Septemtomers then book now for this ber. event - a fast and fun way to • Only one delegate per compamake new business contacts and ny. This event is open to busibroaden your business network. nesses only. Last year 80 businesses attended • You will meet a minimum of 40 the event – and we expect even people on the day. more this year so you are guaran- • Come prepared with plenty of teed to make some good contacts. business cards and have your pitch ready.
Autumn Training Courses Brochure Offaly County Enterprise Board (OCEB) offers a variety of training courses for anyone considering starting or growing their business in County Offaly.
The Autumn Training Courses Brochure can be downloaded from the website www.offalyceb.ie
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Modern Homes & Building Exhibition Returns To Thurles The Modern Homes & Building Exhibition returns to the Presentation Sports Complex, Thurles on 10th 11th & 12th September. The show is on schedule to be a huge success and will open its doors to the public from 7pm – 10pm on Friday and 12noon – 6pm on Saturday and Sunday. A large number of exhibition visitors are expected to attend the event over the three days with their house plans and questions for building a new home, adding an extension or improving their existing home. It is a perfect way to see the latest products and services available on the market place. For those in business, who have the products and services to meet these needs and want to expand their business the Thurles Modern Homes & Building Exhibition is the place to be.
THE EXHIBITION WITH EVERYTHING FOR THE HOUSE AND HOME BUILDING • RENOVATING • EXTENDING • INTERIORS • FURNISHING RENEWABLE ENERGY • EXTERIORS • INSULATION
BOOST YOUR BUSINESS INCREASE YOUR SALES BY TAKING PART The show represents one of the most costTHURLES MODERN HOMES & BUILDING effective ways to bring together buyers EXHIBITION and sellers in a face-to-face environment PRESENTATION SPORTS COMPLEX, that generates results. 10TH, 11TH, & 12TH SEPTEMBER The Presentation Sports ComFri: 7pm-10pm, Sat & Sun 12noon-6pm plex is an ideal location offering all the facilities required for the exhibition and is If your line of business has anything to do with the house or home, the perfect shop-front to meet a large volYou should take part. You can reach thousands of people all in one place ume of people under one roof. The adverEnquiries: P 058 48633 E firstname.lastname@example.org W www.modernhomes.ie tising campaign is enormous and incorporates all possible media channels available, so companies that want to be the leading force in their field should book a stand now by contacting 058 48633. Bear in mind the earlier you book the wider the choice and availability. For further information and enquiries visit www.modernhomes.ie or email Association of Landscape Contractors of Ireland email@example.com
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Gordon Kennedy runs well in European Championships
Phone: 087 9794863 Fax: 087 59794863
Gordon was also a member of the 4x400m relay that took to the track on Saturday. Hopes were high that the team could make it through to the finals but these hopes were scupThe Ballyskenagh man ran in lane 3 pered when David Gillick pulled out after a disappointing run in the 400m and finished in a time of 46.63. The final on Friday night. Gordon ran a semi finals took place on Wednesday with Gordon finishing in 8th in a fast first leg getting the team off to a great start. Moving into the last leg, time of 46.72, a great acheivement the team were in 3rd but lost ground and well deserved after all teh hard o the last leg to finish in 6th. work put in. Tullamore Harriers athelte Gordon Kennedy qualified for the semi final of the 400m at the European Championships in Barcelona last week.
Back to School Tips Fruit is a great addition to any lunchbox • Buy small, sweet apple varieties, but don’t serve apples every single day! Alternate with other fruit to keep it interesting. • Oranges are hard for small hands to peel. Cut them into segments, then push them back together and wrap tightly in tin foil or cling film. Small soft citrus fruits are high in vitamin C and are perfect, but not always available. • Pears bruise very easily, but kiwis are more robust. Add a teaspoon for scooping. • Small bunches of seedless grapes always go down well. • A handful of dried fruit like mango, apricots or raisins can introduce a little change, and counts towards their five a day. • Bananas are wonderful for an energy boost but need protection so make sure it’s in the tuber ware not mashed between the books! • Invest in some smaller, sealable tubs or pots, and send cubed melon, mixed blueberries and raspberries or diced peach. Always check to see which are the best fruits inseason.
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Annual Community Threshing Festival , Black Bull, 29th Aug.
Win free Passes to the Threshing Festival
The Annual Community Threshing Festival will take place at the Black Bull Sharavogue Birr on Sunday 29th Aug 2010 starting at 1pm.
We’ve got 10 free passes for The Annual Community Threshing Festival taking place at the Black Bull, Sharavogue, Birr, on Sunday 29th Aug. To win a pass simply answer the following question:What date is The Annual Community Threshing Festival being held? To enter, text your answer along with your name to 086-3191673 Or email your answer and name to firstname.lastname@example.org Or become a fan on Facebook www.facebook.com/OffalyTatler and leave a comment with your answer
Our hope is to provide a fun and enjoyable day for all the family. As always we will have the usual run of events - Donkey Derby – this was a tremendous success last year and hope to see our “jockeys” back again for more of the same, Mice races, Vintage display, music and dance, Produce stall, with the usual good fair and new this year bags of turf and “candle decorated turf” for that fireplace that is not used. Pat’s kitchen, the colcannon has been very popular and no doubt it will be again this year. pony & trap rides, barbeque, pillow fighting, dumped in the water tank, horse shoe throwing, sheaf pitching, face painting , dog show and once again we have introduced some new ones for this year which include: Walking on stilts, Soldier Course, Fishing Reel race, Bucking Brown Bull, Guess the Weight of the beast, guess the Face, Brick o’Brac.
There will be an Auction with lots of items of interest for everyone. There will also be the usual Tea Tent and where there is always a great welcome to those who attend and great food. We have our shop where the kids can buy their drinks and sweets. The Threshing committee had an evening on the bog this year to cut turf with the slane – this was a great success and enjoyed by the large crowd that attended the turf has now been saved and will be auctioned on the day in various lots. The Day will finish with music and dancing in the Black-bull where all are very welcome. The funds raised are all put back into Charities and local projects – this year’s project is the Aghancon Hall build. The Charities are yet to be decided but these will be notified and asked to attend a Presentation night. Looking forward to seeing you there on the day.
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Fairy Fort Farm, Summerhill, Borrisoleigh (Just off the Templemore Rd. 1 mile from Borrisoleigh)
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Trend in new car sales continuing · 74,111 new cars sold so far this year · 47% increase on last year · Ford Focus best selling model this year Commenting on the figures, Director General of SIMI, Alan Nolan said, “Seven months into the year and the figures are still showing an increase over last year. Clearly the trend in new car sales is continuing with a steady increase
in sales month on month. This is very much in line with the data released by the CSO both on vehicle sales and on consumer spending. It is very positive that the improved sales are continuing. This is hugely important for businesses and employment in our sector as the fragility of the recovery has been underlined recently with a number of dealership closures.”
Farming Farm Action
by PJ Phelan
Farm incomes This year has been a relatively good year so far for dairying, tillage and sheep. Dairy farmers and indeed some tillage farmers are now looking to expand. Farmers who are not happy with their current level of performance might consider forming a partnership on some or part of their lands. If interested contact P. J. Phelan for further information. Grassland Management. The response of grass to Nitrogen reduces from now on. Therefore if you intend to apply more nitrogen now is the time to do so. There is no advantage in waiting until later this month or for early September. Check your own fertiliser plan to see how much Nitrogen you have used so far this year relative to what you are allowed to use. Assuming that you have not used your full allocation you should now apply fertiliser as per the table below. Nitrogen applied early in August will give 10 – 15% more grass than Nitrogen applied in late August.
(See Table 1 below) Sulphur will still improve grass yield in August/Sept on light soils, deficient in sulphur by 3-50%.
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Phelan Advisory & Training Services Soil Sampling Nutrient Management Planning Dept. of Agricultural Services Phone: 0504-32204 P.J.Phelan Mobile: 086-8046455
Advisory & Training Services
+ CAN +S costs €5-10 per ton extra and is well worth it. The response of grass to nitrogen application is much better in August( 12kgsDM) than in September(8kgsDM of grass per kg N applied),
Reseeding Soil fertility is critical for the establishment of grassland. It is generally advisable to apply at least 1t lime per ac if reseeding is done without ploughing as surface acidity is widespread in grassland. In all cases it is advisable to have soil analysed so as to determine lime Phosphate and Potash requirements. Prior to the Nitrate regulations high phosphate applications were recommended for reseeds. However you must now abide by the regulated limits
Table 2 Nutrient applications at establishment (units/ac) of grass/white clover reseed. Soil Index N 1 48 2 40 3 32 4 32
P 31 23 15 0
K 90 70 40 30
before cultivation so as to kill off old grasses and weeds. Land should then be either ploughed and tilled or simply cultivated with a disc or power harrow. It can be difficult to manage trash where ploughing is omitted. After cultivation land should be rolled so as to ensure a good firm seedbed when sowing. Sowing should be to a depth of 1cm and land rolled again after sowing. Information on suitable grass and clover varieties is available on the Department of Agriculture website or from you agricultural advisor/consultant.
Note if you farm is stocked at less than 130kg/ha N the Phosphorus applications must be reduced by 4 units Tillage per acre. Derogation farms may apply up to 4 or 8 units addition P deProspects for grain prices are good pending on stocking rate. this year – if you are selling but are of concern if you are going to be Land to be reseeded should be buying grain to feed. Now is the sprayed with Glyphosate at 6 -7 days time to consider a partnership for the future so as to remove this risk – you supply land, the tillage farmer supplies the work, you split input costs and you share the grain and the straw. The winter barley harvest is now completed with most crops yielding 2.5 – 3.5t/ac. Winter Oats is also yielding well at around 3.2 t/ac. Demand for straw is high and round bales are generally making €16/bale. PJ Phelan is an Agricultural Advisor. Phone 0504-32204 or 0868046455
Increase Sales, call the Offaly Tatler 0504-51945
Clara GAA Notes By Peter Sheridan, Clara GAA PRO. U14 HURLING FINAL Clara U14 hurlers will play in the clubs first county final of 2010 next Sunday at 12noon in O’Connor Park Tullamore. Clara’s opposition will be CRC Gaels. Come show your support to the lads and wear your Black and Whites!
U12 HURLING SEMI FINAL Clara U12 hurlers lost to CRC Gaels in the county semi-final last Sat 6th of August which was played at a well prepared Rath pitch. In a low scoring game of 1-5 to 1-2 Clara could not break down a very well organized CRC defence. The scores were level at half-time 4 pts to Clara’s 1-1 but CRC scored a crucial goal at the start of the 2nd half. Both teams produced some very exciting hurling with Clara throwing everything at CRC but time ran out and we wish CRC and Ballinamere well in the County final. Training continues every Thursday at 6.15pm with 2 challenge games organized for the end of the month. Well done to the panel and selectors, Mark Murray, Tony Egan, Mel Doyle and Greg Tierney who left no stone unturned since indoor hurling training started last January in the GAA centre. Clara Panel: Ruairi Cushen, Daryl O’ Brien, Gerard Hackett, Thomas Dolan, Conor Egan, Kieran Hartnett, Adam Owens, Callum Egan, Seamus O’Brien, Ciaran Doyle, Eoin Dunne, Mark Newman, David Falsey, , Conor Murray, Sean Tierney, Nathan Bracken, Andrew Fitzpatrick, Stuart Kelly, Josh Fleming, Mark Doorley, Jack Mears, Gary Kelly, Alex Roe, Josh McCloskey, Sean Fleming, U14 FOOTBALL Clara U14 footballers played Killcormac/Killoughy last Monday evening the 9th of August and won on a scoreline of Clara 3-13 to 4-8. After a poor first half Clara found themselves down by six points at half time. With a very exciting second half Clara came out victors on the narrowest of margins. Carl Stewart was outstanding along with Alan Gavin, Stephen Buckley, Luke Dignam and Donal Recks in Goals. All in all Clara put in a great team effort. SENIOR FOOTBALL Clara Senior Footballers played Ferbane in this year’s second round of the championship last Saturday evening the 7th August 2010 in Pollogh. Ferbane got off to the better start going 1-1 to no score up after 10 minutes. Clara got a couple of chances without getting a score. 15 minutes in Clara got their 1st score through a Matt Mitchell 45. This was cancelled out straight away by a Ferbane free. T Deehan then scored a free for Clara and he got another from play to leave the score 1-2 to 3 points in favour of Ferbane at half time. Clara got the opening two scores of the second half through T Deehan and J O'Hara to level up the match before another T Deehan point put Clara ahead. Clara then got a goal scored by T Dalton to put Clara 4 points up. A Ross Brady free and a J Reynolds point extended Clara's lead to 6. A goal scored by J Reynolds and a T Deehan point put Clara 10 clear. Ferbane then scored what would be their only score of the second half before A Cronin and T Deehan got the last 2 scores of the match to leave the end score 2-10 to 1-3 in favour of Clara. INTERMEDIATE FOOTBALL Clara Intermediate footballers played St. Rynaghs in Ferbane on Sunday last the 8th of August 2010. Clara lost on a scoreline of Clara 0-8 to St. Rynaghs 2-18. The Clara team was J Buckley, E Dunne, S Nolan, L Monaghan, D Coyne, J Taylor, S Grennan, M Meehan, K O'Meara, K Mannering, M Deehan (0-1), B
Cushen (0-1), J Kinahan, C Flanagan (0-6, frees) and P Moran. Subs used, W Flanagan for J Buckley, N McEvoy for J Kinahan. St. Rynaghs got off to a good start going 1-4 to no score up after 10 minutes before a C Flanagan free gave Clara their first score. Rynaghs got the next 2 points to leave them 1-6 to 0-1 up with 5 minutes left in the half. A C Flanagan free with 4 Rynaghs points left the half time score 1-10 to 0-2 in favour of St Rynaghs. St. Rynaghs got the opening point of the 2nd half. C Flanagan scored a point from a free before St. Rynaghs got 3 unanswered points to leave the score 1-14 to 0-3 after 510 minutes of the half. A St. Rynaghs point together with a B Cushen point and 2 C Flanagan frees left the put St. Rynaghs 1-15 to 0-6 ahead mid way through the half. St. Rynaghs got another point before Clara got further scores through C Flanagan and M Deehan. St. Rynaghs got a goal and a point in the closing minutes to leave the end score 2-18 to 0-8. BACK TO SCHOOL DISCOS Clara GAA Bord na Nog are holding two discos on Sat the 21st of August in the GAA social centre. The kids can look forward to DJ Bundy in the afternoon from 4pm to 6pm and the Teenagers will have their Disco from 8.30pm to 11.30pm. WEEKLY LOTTO Weekly Lotto 7/08/10-There was no winner of the weekly club lotto jackpot. The winning numbers were 8-13-17-21. There were eight match three winners who will receive €20 and they were Sheila Coyne, Jude Meehan, Eileen Hughes, Margaret Smith, Nanto Reynolds, Seamus Doyle, Derek Handy and Aileen Feehan. Next weeks lotto takes place in Dolan’s and the Jackpot is €3800. Thanks to all who support our lotto and thanks to all our ticket sellers. SPONSOR A SOD “Sponsor a Sod”- Clara GAA club would like to invite all current and past members (and anyone with any connection to the club, no matter how tenuous!) to be part of the launch of the new official Clara GAA Club website and the 'Sponsor a Sod' campaign. As part of our fund raising campaign to complete the new Championship pitch in Kilcoursey members and friends of the club are invited to sponsor a sod on the new pitch. Sponsors will receive a piece of the virtual pitch on a special page on our new website with each “sod” being added piece by piece to the page. Each “sod” can be purchased for €20 from any committee member .Log onto anclarach.com to see how our pitch is doing. CLUB NOTES BY EMAIL Club Notes By Email-Anyone who wishes to recieve the club notes by email please send your email address to email@example.com , you will be added to our email list and you should recieve them every Monday night. CLUB UPCOMING FIXTURES SFC: Fri 13th v Tullamore in Tullamore @ 7.15 U14H Final: Sun 15th v CRC Gaels in Tullamore @ 12 JHC: Sun 15th v Coolderry in Killcormac @ 6pm IHC: Mon 16th v Birr in Moystown @7.15 Minor(A)H: Wed 18th St David’s v Coolderry in Cool @ 7.15 Minor(B)H: Thur 19th v CRC Gaels in Carrig @7.15
Friday 13th is back! Well it’s that time of month again!!! (no ladies, not THAT time of month) Friday 13th is a normal day for some but for others it can mean not going outside the front door. It is right up there on the scale of superstition with April Fool’s Day and Murphy’s Law. I am not at all superstitious but do believe in Karma, so do something good for yourself on Friday 13th. Here are some facts according to WIKI: “The fear of Friday the 13th is called paraskavedekatriaphobia, a word derived from the concatenation of the Greek words Paraskeví (meaning Friday), and dekatreís (meaning thirteen), attached to phobía (meaning fear). This is a specialized form of triskaidekaphobia, a simple phobia (fear) of the number thirteen, and is also known as friggatriskaidekaphobia.” What a mouthful! Here is a suspicious little story for you: Do you know how to determine if a mirror is 2-way or not? This is not to scare you, but to raise your awareness. Try it with a ‘regular’ mirror, and you can easily see what the gap means. When we visit toilets, bathrooms, hotel rooms, changing rooms, etc., how many of you know for sure that the seemingly ordinary mirror hanging on the wall is a real mirror, or actually a 2-way mirror? (they can see you, but you can’t see them) There have been many cases of people installing 2-way mirrors in female changing rooms. It is very difficult to positively identify the surface by just looking at it. So, how do we determine with any amount of certainty what type of mirror we are looking at? Just conduct this simple test: Place the tip of your fingernail [or ballpoint pen, eyebrow pencil. any object] against the reflective surface and if there IS A GAP between your fingernail and the image of the nail, then it is a GENUINE mirror. However, if your fingernail DIRECTLY TOUCHES the image of your nail, then BEWARE, BECAUSE IT IS a 2-WAY MIRROR! REMEMBER…every time you see a mirror, do the “fingernail test.” It doesn’t cost you anything, it is simple to do, and it might save you embarrassment or violation. (source – www.quizilla.com)
By Elaine Rogers
I do not know if it is true but have checked all the mirrors in my house and the space is there. REMEMBER…”NO SPACE, LEAVE THE PLACE!” Do the mirror test to see if you find a two-way mirror. Friday 13th has many explanations. Friday being the day Jesus was crucified, 13 being the number at the last supper. Alternatively, in British tradition, Friday was the day of public hangings, with 13 steps to the noose. Or it can be tracked more recently to 1306, when King Philip of France arrested the revered Knights Templar and began torturing them, marking the occasion as a day of evil. However, today our fear of Friday 13th, is mostly illogical, and comes from condtioning at an early age. Anyone who experienced bad luck on the date, has their fears justified, but somehow forgets that other days of the year also brought bad luck or misfortune. If nothing bad happens on Friday 13th, we quickly forget. If it does, we remember well for the next time. In 2009, we experienced 3 occurences of Friday 13th, so it could be deemed as rather an unlucky year. This year is somewhat better as August being the only one, and you’ll be glad to learn that the next occurrence is not until May 2011, also being the only one for 2011, with the next one Jan 2012. If you genuinely believe you will have bad luck this Friday 13th, you are probably right. If you beleve this superstition is nonsense, you are probably right.
Elaine Rogers of seefincoaching.com is a qualified Business Coach & Trainer. She works closely and empathetically with her clients to help them develop and enhance crucial aspects of their personal & business effectiveness. This ensures they achieve their maximum potential, and be the change they want to be. You can contact Elaine on 0861955660 if you have any further questions. Further reading available at Elaine’s blog www.seefincoaching.com/blog
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Call Robert 057-9350014 / 086-3225743 You'll receive the most thorough clean ever or it's free!
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Bedding plants for sale, Birghten up your flower beds with joint yellow sun flowers, dwarf sun flowers, petunias, lupins, nasturtiums, french marigolds, amaranthus with beautiful crimson tassels. Contact 087 9808723, Templemore
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DRESSMAKING & ALTERATIONS Bridal Wear, Graduation Dresses, Wedding Outfits, Evening Wear Open: Tues - Fri: 10am - 5pm & Sat: 10am - 2pm
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Bernard Lynam Stonework • Stonewalls • Patios • Fireplaces • Flower & Shrub Containers • Old Well Water Feature
All built with Natural Stone
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We deliver to Nenagh, Birr,
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for Nurses, Beauticians, Hairdressers, Chefs etc. Full Stock available at Uniforms on the Move Ph. Eileen for Appointment 086-0668826 0504-32229 www.uniformspoint.com
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all colours, all lengths available now We do a full range of Flashings and Accessories, PVC or Polyester Ready to Erect Sheds, Made to Order Box Profile & corrugated available in all lengths Nationwide delivery Ph: 087-9390661
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Resonable Rates New Houses Quality Service Extensions Free Quotations Attic Conversions Fully Registered Local Authority Grants Insurance Claims General Building Work
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with slides, raincovers etc.
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When the plane you are on is late, the plane you want to transfer to is on time. ~Author Unknown
ACROSS 1. Mown when tail not straightened out in Armagh village in picturesque hill country of the Fews. (15) 6. Keep an eye on male for the overnight security worker. (8) 8. Pub disagreement concerning river on which Carlow Town stands. (6) 10. "I will arise and go now, for ------ night and day I hear lake water ..." W.B. Yeats. (6) 11. Run fast in Southern impression on surface. (6) 12. Holy Vatican look? (3) 13. "If a writer has to --- his mother, he will not hesitate" William Faulkner. (3) 16. Rearrange later, by wall in Down resort village on the shores of Strangford Lough. (11) 17 "By a high star our course is set, Our --- is Life. Put out to sea." Louis MacNeice. (3) 18. "I hear a sudden --- of pain! There is a rabbit in a snare;" James Stephens. (3) 21. Mop lab up with self confidence. (6) 23. 'Tis up to little Richard to find the old Danish invader of Ireland. (6) 25. Inclusive legal charge in Rathlin dictation. (6) 26. Di frowns but is out of order in quiet Mayo market town on a tributary of the River Moy. (8) 27. Lace it, gauge heel. (anag.) Founded by Douglas Hyde in 1893 to restore the Irish language. (3,6,6) DOWN 1. Lest we can get excited in famous Down seaside and golf resort at the foot of Slieve Donard . (9) 2. Powerful unit! (4) 3. W.B. splits atom to discover Australian marsupial. (6) 4. "A man may build himself a ------ of bayonets, but he cannot sit on it;" Dean Inge. (6) 5. Northern water-jug is not so old. (5) 7. Drawn to news about busy Down linen town on the Belfast to Donaghadee road. (11) 8. "Where are the ---- of the Old Brigade, Who fought with us side by side?" Frederick Weatherly. (4) 9. C.I.A. pry into crime, in the main. (6) 12. "The shrill, demented choirs of wailing ------; and bugles calling for them from sad shires." Wilfred Owen. (6)
13. Crop sounds distorted to one side. (3) 14. "Things that are --- for me do not tempt me." G.B. Shaw. (3) 15. Brag in bed. (anag.) Busy Down linen town on the River Bann. (9) 19. "The ------ of the Sands." Erskine Childers. (6) 20. Irish this whiskey liqueur, seen on a soft day. (4) 21. Accountant returns for a rise on Ireland's largest island, in Mayo. (6) 22. Did this Irish writer (1667-1745) write Gulliver's Travels quickly? (5) 24. "The ill-bred son of a livery stable keeper - Luxuriant ----." W.B. Yeats. (4)
Grow Your Business!
Sudoku for Kids! Every row, column and minigrid must contain the numbers 1 through 4. Don’t guess use logic!
1 4 1
Call the Offaly Tatler today & Promote Your Business throughout Co Offaly. Phone 087-6258475 / 0504-51945 “Trying to do Business without Advertising is like winking at A girl in the dark. You know you’re doing it, but no one else does” Phone today to Book your ad, Tel: Fiona 087-6258475 Office 0504-51945 E: email@example.com
Solution to crossword in last issue (No. 3)
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Prayers The Miraculous Prayer – Dear Heart of Jesus, in the past I’ve asked for many favours. This time I ask You this very special one (mention favour). Take it Dear Heart of Jesus and place it within Your own broken heart where Your Father sees it. Then in His merciful eyes it will become Your favour, not mine. Amen. Say this prayer for 3 days, promise publication and favour will be granted. Never known to fail. B.R.
A Prayer to The Virgin Mary (Never known to fail) - O most beautiful Flower of Mount Carmel, fruitful vine, spleandour of heaven, Blessed Mother of the son of God, Immaculate Virgin assist me in this my necessity. O Star of the Sea help me and show me herin you are my Mother. O Holy Mary Mother of God, Queen of Heaven and Earth, I humbly beseech you from the bottom of my heart to succour me in this my necessity (make request). There are none that withstand your power. O show me my Mother. O show me herin you are my mother. O Mary conceived without sin pray for us who have recourse to
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thee (3 times). Say this prayer for 3 consecutive days and then publish and it will be granted. E.R. Novena to Padre Pio Oh Jesus, full of grace and charity, victim for sinners, so impelled by Your love for us that You willed to die on the Cross, I humbly beseech You to glorify in heaven and on earth, the Servant of God, Padre Pio of Pietrelcina, who generously participated in Your sufferings, who loved You so much, and labored so faithfully for the glory of Your Heavenly Father and for the good of souls. With confidence, I beseech You to grant me, through His intercession, the grace of (mention your request) which I ardently desire. W.K.
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Bereavement and grieving The Four Tasks of Mourning
By Jim O’Shea
ple say that they have not changed a deceased child s room, but have If grief refers to loss, mourning re- left everything as it was. This is fers to the process that follows loss. very understandable. Giving away It is often used interchangeably possessions emphasises the finality with grieving. most of the writers of death, and it is only natural to on grief explore what they call the postpone this. But, if it continues circle of grief, which is a range of over a long time it is unhealthy feelings that the survivor experienc- grieving. I recall when we gave es, starting with disbelief and endaway our child s clothes and toys. ing with acceptance. One excellent It was extremely painful. author, William Worden, gives another helpful perspective that might Other types of denial include minibe useful for those that have sufmising the loss, denying its irreversfered losses. This involves 4 tasks ibility, selectively forgetting, of mourning - (1) to accept the real- resorting to spiritualism and even ity of the loss, (2) to work through irrationally searching for the dethe pain of grief, (3) to adjust to an ceased. environment in which the deceased is missing and (4) to emotionally Working through the pain of grief relocate the deceased and move on has already been dealt with in other with life. I suppose, given the terri- articles. Some people try to avoid ble pain of mourning, the word this by idealising the dead, using task may sound a little harsh. So drugs or alcohol, or perhaps travellet us remember how painful it is ling to get some relief from their for us to meet those tasks. emotions. I brought my family with me to London in 1990 when my In this article I will briefly look at child was killed. My other son and I the first two. The immediate task is found work on a building site and to accept the reality of the loss. The my wife worked in a hospital. But mourner who fails in this will bemy pain travelled with me. I carried come stuck in the grieving process it to my work each day. Grief is an and will inevitably suffer anger and inner tormenting ache, and we must perhaps depression. Accepting the carry it, and endure it, so that it will reality of the death of a loved one ultimately heal. however, is not easy. We can convince ourselves that we have done so, but we must feel this acceptJim O’Shea works as a counsellor ance. Acceptance is not a happy from Furze, Thurles. Ph. 087 feeling, but is one of peace, where 8211009 www.jimoshea.net . the anxiety and confusion, menJimO’Shea’s book ‘When a child tioned in another article, have disdies. Footsteps of a Grieving Famisolved. Very often there is denial, ly’ is published by Veritas. The royand this is seen by some psycholoalties from this book will go tosthe gists as a temporary healthy reacChildren’s Hospital in Crumlin. tion, and a buffer to cope with sudden death. My own acceptance of my sons death was immediate. I suffered the full crushing impact of the loss at once. However, I now realise that this was a biological and intellectual acceptance, rather than an emotional one. Emotional acceptance enables the survivor to properly grieve and move on. I mentioned above being stuck in the grieving process. This can sometimes be seen by people who turn the deceased s room into a shrine. How often do we hear peo-
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Published on Aug 13, 2010
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