Josephine March 2012
St. Joseph’s women’s magazine
OVERCOMING THE CLUTTER OF KIDS
Making a difference Single mom works to keep up with busy lifestyle and wouldn’t want it any other way
We give you some tips for controlling the chaos of your home
MORE INSIDE: Just a white lie? How to keep it that way The health risks of not getting enough sleep
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our staff Editor Jess DeHaven email@example.com Presentation editor Paul Branson firstname.lastname@example.org Photo editor Todd Weddle email@example.com Graphics editor George Stanton firstname.lastname@example.org
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the regulars editor’s note
Cover photography by Matt Reid/Josephine magazine
cover girl Anyone looking for an example of the stereotypical, overburdened single mother won’t find it in Jesie Phillips. Not that the Savannah, Mo., woman doesn’t have a full calendar. In addition to a full-time job with the Missouri State Highway Patrol and a parttime job as a substitute teacher, she’s also active in her church and community, as well as with her 14-year-old son’s athletics. But when it comes to being busy, she wouldn’t have it any other way. “I don’t look at my situation as stressful. I look at my life as awesome,” she says. “ ... What I think is important when it comes to this is an attitude. I have a positive attitude toward every part of my life.” Read more about Jesie on page 16.
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Snack time Planning can help you avoid the lure of the vending machine
Staying the course Keeping yourself motivated towards a goal may mean changing things up
Conquering kid clutter Tips for getting your home under control
Single mom or Superwoman? Savannah mother thrives on desire to make a difference
Switch up Take your look from day to night with a few simple tricks
The lying game How to keep white lies from going to the dark side
Tossing and turning If you’re not getting enough sleep, your health may be at risk
Get what you pay for Take these steps to ensure you’re given the best repair possible
editor’s note CAN YOUR LIFE INSURANCE HELP PAY FOR HIS DREAM OF COLLEGE?
By JESS DEHAVEN There’s a lot going on at Josephine, and we’re excited to share what we’ve been up to with our readers. In the past couple of weeks, we’ve begun supplementing all the great stories you’ve come to expect from Josephine every month with shorter bits of interesting news that’s available several times a week on our website, www.newspressnow. com/josephine. Now you don’t have to wait a month to read more Josephine! You also can check us out on Facebook at facebook.com/ josephinemagazine and follow us on Twitter (@JosephineMag). Watch those spots not only for the latest from our staff but also for updates on fun get-togethers we’re planning and contests. Also, planning is well under way for the 2012 Josephine Expo, set for Oct. 6 at the Civic Arena. This year’s theme is “Hats off to her,” and we’re considering some fresh ideas for this year’s event. If you’re interested in being one of our vendors, check out www.newspress now.com/josephineexpo. And those of you who are just excited about attending can keep up with all the news on our main website, Facebook and Twitter.
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2012 march area events
Every Monday 9:45 a.m. (weigh-in at 8:30), TOPS (Take Off Pounds Sensibly) a non-profit, weight-loss support and education group, East Hills Church of Christ, 3912 Penn, 238-7245. March 5 7 to 9 p.m., St. Joseph Camera Club, Rolling Hills Consolidated Library.
March 19 & 27 3 p.m. and 7 p.m., Young Living Essential Oils presents free natural health seminar, 1570 Calhoun St., Chillicothe, Mo. Call (660) 7070097 or e-mail millergloria@att. net.
March 6 6:30 p.m., Pony Express Chapter of Cowboys for Christ, Pony Express Saddle and Bridle Club, north of K Highway on County Road 371. Call 238-7503.
Every Wednesday 7 a.m., Indoor farmer’s market, 3821 Eastridge Village. 7:30 a.m., St. Joseph BNI weekly meeting, Pony Express Museum. Call 262-9684.
March 8 9:30 a.m. St. Joseph Garden Club, Joyce Raye Patterson Senior Citizens Center, program on hardscaping by Mann’s Lawn & Landscaping. Visitors welcome, call 232-9151 for information.
Every Friday 5 to 8 p.m., Friday Night Wine Tastings, Smooth Endings Fine Wines, Spirits and Cigars, corner of Belt and Beck, (816) 749-4WINE, $5 per person.
Every Saturday 7 a.m., Indoor farmer’s market, 3821 Eastridge Village.
March 20 6:30 p.m., Pony Express Chapter of ABWA meeting. To find out more and to make reservations, please call Vickie at (816) 244-5648 the Friday before the meeting. March 27 10 a.m., Welcome Wagon Social Club of St. Joseph, monthly meeting, Rolling Hills Library, 1904 N. Belt Highway. Call 279-1947.
March 15 5:30 p.m., Third Thursday Wine Tasting, AlbrechtKemper Museum of Art. Cost is $10 per person. Call 232-9750. March 22 6:30 p.m., St. Joseph Aglow Community Lighthouse, St. Joseph Library at East Hills. Call 351-2139.
7 p.m., Introductory session to Creighton Model Fertility Awareness and Appreciation, Heartland Medical Plaza. Course is designed to help couples cooperate with their fertility in family planning. Call 232-2258.
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tips for life
Repurpose spare buttons ORGANIZE. As you go about your spring cleaning, think twice before throwing out any extra buttons you have lying around. Even if you aren’t much for sewing, you can put them to use in keeping pairs of earrings together — a tip courtesy of Elle magazine. Most buttons have at least two holes in them, so simply place an earring in each opening to neatly store when not wearing.
Breast cancer and alcohol linked
HEALTH. A large study recently published in the Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA) confirms that the amount of alcohol you drink is linked to your risk for breast cancer. The type of alcohol didn’t matter. Women who had about three to six alcoholic drinks a week had a 15 percent higher risk of breast cancer compared to women who didn’t drink. Women who had more than 30 drinks a week had a 50 percent higher risk of breast cancer. And binge drinking (drinking a lot of alcohol now and then) increased risk much more than regularly drinking small amounts of alcohol. To learn more about how you can keep your risk of breast cancer as low as it can be, visit www. breastcancer.org/risk/.
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Secret to happiness RELATE. Author and relationship guru Andrea Syrtash knows what makes obnoxiously happy couples tick isnâ€™t that big of a secret. To up relationship satisfaction, she recommends each partner pursue his or her interests, even if itâ€™s not an activity both like to do. You donâ€™t need a spouse to be in a book club or go for a bike ride. She also recommends each person try to find small gestures that let the other know he or she is cared for, like scraping the ice off a windshield or doing the dishes. Most of all, couples can be happier if they donâ€™t compare themselves to other couples, Syrtash writes in an article for MSN.com. There isnâ€™t a perfect relationship out there, and what you see in a friendâ€™s marriage might not reflect the actual state of his or her relationship.
May I help you? MONEY. Though your knee-jerk reaction to eager department store salespeople may be â€œIâ€™m just looking,â€? consider taking them up on their offer to serve you. Better yet, seek them out every time you shop the store. According to Andrea Woroch â€” a consumer and moneysaving expert for Kinoli Inc., who has been featured on â€œGood Morning America,â€? NBCâ€™s â€œToday,â€? MSNBC, New York Times, CNNMoney and more â€” building a rapport with a sales associate leads to the insidetrack on upcoming sales and yields better customer service.
Field of dreams WHAT IS HE THINKING? This has been on our Kevin Krauskopfâ€™s mind: Weâ€™ve spent the offseason â€” sorry, all fall and winter â€” following every roster move our favorite baseball team makes. Now spring training is here, and itâ€™s only going to get worse as we prepare our fantasy baseball rosters. Think weâ€™re being a little obsessive? Probably, but most of us grew up dreaming of being the next George Brett, so please let us continue to live out those dreams vicariously.
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Snack time T By CHRISTINA HAZELWOOD HECKMAN Josephine magazine
here you are, going about your day minding your own business when out of nowhere you see it, drawing you in like an insect to the light. Sometimes the beckoning glow of the vending machine is just too much to resist. When temptation gets the best of you, you can make healthy choices that will help you avoid getting burned by bad snack decisions.
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“I think vending machines should never be your first choice, but if you are in a pinch or a hurry, then they might be the answer,” says Bob Boyles, certified strength and conditioning specialist at Body Image Gym. “You could probably avoid ever using a vending machine if you plan your meals and snacks ahead of time, but some people will never be that organized or disciplined, so there you are needing to find a quick fix.” Efrem Williams, a personal trainer in Kansas City, says carbohydrates can give people a short burst of energy, but if the carbohydrates are not quickly burned off, they eventually will be stored as fat. “This is the case even with healthy carbohydrates, but the situation is much worse with junk-food carbohydrates, which offer only empty calories stripped of vitamin and mineral content,” Williams says. “Examples are candy bars and energy drinks that, over the years, have been promoted in commercials as a means of obtaining
Planning can help you avoid the lure of the vending machine a quick burst of energy. In fact, this and all other white-sugar-based candies give only a quick â€˜sugar highâ€™ followed almost immediately by a much lower energy â€˜low.â€™â€? Heartland Wellness Connections dietitian Jessica Hagey says some of the worst choices people can make when it comes to vending machine food are those with large portions that are higher in fat and sugar such as big bags of chips, candy bars and cookies. Also be mindful of drinking calories from sugary drinks such as pop, sports drinks, energy drinks and even large bottles of juice, she says. The best snacks include healthy, nutrient-dense foods, says an article at shapefit.com. Unprocessed whole foods make incredible snacks to fuel your body throughout the day and provide the energy you need to perform at optimal levels. There are so many quick and healthy snacks to choose from. You just need to make the decision to make smart snack choices. You should never need to grab another bag of potato chips, box of cookies or candy bar ever again. These types of foods are all empty calories and lead to fat gain and out-of-control insulin levels, which make you feel tired and sluggish. Your body needs clean fuel, so give it nutrient-dense foods all day long. â€œSome vending companies will mark healthier choices in their machines,â€? Hagey says. â€œOn some items just going for the smaller portion or smallest bag, such as with chips, will be better than the larger size obviously, so some of it is portion control. The best is if healthier items are available such as small bags of nuts, small bags of trail mix, cheese sticks or beef jerky â€” although higher in sodium, still lower in calories and fat than many of the other choices.â€? Your options may be limited if faced with a standard vending machine, but you might be fortunate enough to run across a machine with sandwiches or actual food items. â€œYou must use good judgment if you are health conscious,â€? Boyles says. â€œItems with protein and a little fat are usually OK compared to all the sweet and sugar-loaded things with almost little or no food value. â€œDrinks are probably the most soughtafter items in vending machines. Usually you can find bottled water and flavored water, green tea or regular, Gatorade and sports drinks,â€? he says. â€œWatch the sugar
and caffeine content. It might surprise you. Avoid drinks like Red Bull and other high-caffeine drinks. They may not be right for you. You might get lucky and come across a vending machine with Muscle Milk or something similar. Then you will have a well-balanced protein drink for a snack or meal replacement.â€? As in any situation, planning is key. It is the best way to avoid snacking on junk food or other nutritionally deficient foods and drinks found in vending machines. â€œPlan ahead so that you have a healthier snack with you,â€? Hagey says. â€œIf you know you tend to want a pick-me-up in the middle of the afternoon and all the sweets in that vending machine are really tempting, you will do better if you bring a snack along with you. That way you get your pick-me-up but in a much healthier way. Try an apple with some peanut butter or string cheese. For a sweet treat, try light yogurt with some whole-grain cereal mixed in.â€? According to WebMD.com, it is normal to have snack food cravings, but itâ€™s important to distinguish whether your craving is physiological or psychological. Physical cravings may be a result of low fat intake or low blood sugar. For many, the cravings we feel are our bodyâ€™s way of telling us we actually need to eat. A piece of fruit, yogurt or a handful of nuts can get blood sugar levels back up and keep us from reaching for the unhealthy snacks we think weâ€™re craving.
If youâ€™re not physically hungry, WebMD offers several recommendations for handling your cravings: g Brush your teeth and gargle with an antiseptic mouthwash like Listerine.
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g Distract yourself. g Exercise. g Choose a healthy substitute. g If you know what situations trigger your cravings, avoid them if possible. g Drink at least 64 ounces of water a day. We all face temptation and suffer from cravings on occasion, but with a little planning we can avoid making snack decisions we might grow to regret.
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Staying the course By CRYSTAL K. WIEBE I Josephine magazine
it’s been a couple of months. How’s that New Year’s resolution coming along?
Whenever we decide to make changes, maintaining motivation can be a challenge. Fortunately, whether you’re trying to lose weight, kick an unhealthy habit or save money, simply changing your approach can vastly improve the chance for success.
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The trendy workout style known as Zumba provides a great model for the benefits of approaching a goal non-traditionally. “It’s exercise in disguise,” says Zumba fitness instructor Mark Gomez. The 27year-old leads classes several days a week at Buffalo Bar in Downtown St. Joseph. More appealing for many than a lonely hour spent on a treadmill, Zumba incorporates world music and a group of people in a dance-based workout. Gomez takes things one step further by teaching his class during off hours at a
bar. For his students, the familiar setting is less intimidating than a gym full of hard bodies. The same concept can be applied to other mundane or unappealing tasks. Do you hate writing reports but have a lengthy one due? Get out of your usual writing environment. Go somewhere you enjoy being — a coffee shop or restaurant, even someplace at the office that isn’t your desk — and do the work there. Having a hard time resisting the urge to splurge on lunch with co-workers every day? Assign each of your regular lunch mates one day per week to bring a sack lunch (within a budget) for everyone else. The key is to make whatever you are trying to stay focused on enjoyable and to remind yourself why you are plodding this path in the first place. The latter goes to the heart of Corinna West’s philosophy. “You’ve gotta find your thing,” she says. The Kansas City woman understands the significance that motivation — or the lack thereof — can have on one’s life. She’s been to the Olympics for judo. She’s been homeless. She’s been unemployed. She earned a master’s degree. She tried to kill herself six times. West founded Poetry for Personal Power, a federally funded outreach program aimed at helping young adults who’ve been touched by the mental health system channel their inner strength and passions to overcome personal challenges. “In our program, what we say is, everybody goes through tough times in their life. So, if you’re going through a tough time,” West says, “find out what helps you.” For the program, West gathers stories about what motivates people through open mic poetry contests, such as a Feb. 28 event at Missouri Western State University. “For a lot of the poets who enter the contest, it’s poetry,” West says. “But for everybody, it’s a different thing — gardening, running, journaling. One young lady (at a Kansas City event) talked about art and how artwork is important — for the process, not really the result.” Keeping track of the process — and your progress — can be highly motivating. West recommends breaking goals down into manageable chunks. “Set a goal and then start small, and do a tiny bit each day and be consistent,” she says. Make a list of tasks you want to accomplish during the day and check things off as you complete them. Challenge yourself
to stick to a budget, and set a time each Sunday to add up receipts from the previous week. You’ll know where you stand and feel invigorated about maintaining the progress or doing better. Sometimes, the motivation drain comes from simply trying to do too much. Gomez says, “I’m an extremely motivated person, but at times I find it difficult to focus on one thing at a time. I have so many goals, interests and hobbies that I can hardly find time to do it all. Motivation requires focus, so I have to constantly remind myself what my defined goals are and stick to them.” Being organized helps, but it’s inevitable for the ennui to set in sometimes. When it does, Gomez says, just keep going. “Many people think you need to be motivated in order to take action,” Gomez says. “I strongly believe it works the other way around. By taking action you create motivation.”
6 TIPS TO STAY MOTIVATED g Limit your distractions. Turn off your phone. Log out of Facebook. Find a way to minimize, even for a short period each day, whatever it is that consistently pulls you away from your goal. g Make it fun. Find a way to enjoy what you’re doing. Music or a change of environment can enhance almost any task. g Find an accountability partner. This could be someone pursuing the same goal you are or just a friend with whom you make a point to check in regularly for the purpose of discussing personal progress. g Make it public. Spell out your goal in a blog and keep track of your progress. You may find that your journey inspires others. g Remind yourself what you are striving for. You started down this path for a good reason, so focus on that. g Don’t let a setback turn into a backslide. We all have off days. Just reaffirm your commitment to yourself and keep going.
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Conquering kid clutter By SYLVIA ANDERSON I Josephine magazine
tephanie Pierce has no problem keeping her house in order, even though she is a mother of three and homeschools her two youngest children. Everything has a place and everything is in its place.
“That’s from my Type A personality,” she laughs. “I don’t like clutter.” Neatness seems to come naturally for Pierce, but for some of us, it can be a battle. Even if you can keep your own things picked up, when you add a busy schedule and a couple of energetic kids, you’ve got clutter and then some. You understand what we’re talking about if you get panic attacks when the doorbell rings with an unexpected guest. Christopher Lowell can help. The TV host and best-selling author of “Seven Layers of
| Josephine magazine |
If toys have taken over, this expert can help Organization: Unclutter Your Home, Unclutter Your Life” was dubbed the “Doctor of Design” by U.S. News and World Report. “You can do it” is his mantra. His television show on the Discovery Channel, nominated 13 times for an Emmy, was one of the first “how to” shows on the air. “When I first came on TV, there was a whole group of women watching Martha
Stewart (on PBS), in that sort of aspirational Turkey Hill experience. The woman I was talking to was the stressedout woman who is trying to balance work, had a kid running with a load in his pants, a husband who wasn’t sure what part he was playing in the household now since his dad never was. That was and still is my audience.”
He’s come up with a few tips that can help get your home under control. GET A SYSTEM “You can’t yell at your kids because there is stuff all over the place if you haven’t taught them what’s their space and what’s not their space,” Lowell says. You need a system. Start with a place to store their things in their room. It can be as simple as three bright-colored dollar store laundry baskets on shelves. Then teach them to put the toys back in the baskets after they are finished playing and to not leave them on the living room floor. “Kids can put a star-shaped object into a star shaped hole, so they can certainly put a toy into a basket.”
were a kid or try to create the childhood you never had. “Quite frankly, it’s not the stuff they want,” Lowell says. “It’s you they want.”
TOY ROTATION Children only play with about a third of their toys, Lowell says. So go through all of the toys with your child and have him pick out what will fit into the designated containers. Those will be the toys to play with for the month. Take the rest of the toys and put them in boxes and store them in the garage. Next month they can swap out toys for “new” toys from the garage. “It’s like Christmas for these kids,” Lowell says. “What’s old becomes new again.”
THE FRIDGE IS NOT A GALLERY “It’s supposed to preserve food, not hold magnets,” Lowell says. Instead of hanging every piece of art on your fridge, go to an art store and get a couple of big panels (4-foot-by6-foot pieces) of foam core, he suggests. Cover one side with fabric or Contact paper. Paint the other side with blackboard paint. Iron on trim around the edges. Put a piece of rope with a big knot coming through so you can flip it like an open and closed sign in a store. Then hang it like a picture. When kids want to draw, they can use the blackboard. They can hang the latest drawings on the other side with big push pins. Or stretch a clothesline in their bedroom and hang art with clothespins. Then with your child, pick out the best art and give it a proper frame. Hang the framed pieces (all with the same frame color) in the hall and start building a gallery. Add track lighting and you have an art gallery everyone can be proud of.
TOYS ARE NOT LOVE “Do you know there were gorgeous houses where I had to literally push the front door open to get through the kid toys?” Lowell asks. “When I interview these dual-income, turbo-tasking parents, the toys were the guilt mechanism. It was about, ‘I can’t be home with you the way I want to, so I will give you toys and the TV, so that will occupy your mind while I am away.’” More toys will not make them happy, he says. And don’t buy toys you wanted when you
BE A ROLE MODEL Spend a weekend and have the whole family toss or donate the things nobody uses. Lowell estimates that the amount we don’t use is around 50 percent. “Kids emulate you,” he says. “So if your house has a lot of your crap around, it’s time for you to purge, too.” You can make it fun as long as you explain what you are doing, he says. Make it a game. And once it is clean, promise not to let it get that way again.
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Single mom or Superwoman? Savannah mother thrives on desire to make a difference Story by ERIN WISDOM Photos by MATT REID Josephine magazine
t’s a stereotype for a reason: The single mom who does it all because she has to. But in the case of Savannah, Mo., mother Jesie Phillips, doing it all is not so much a duty as a desire. In addition to working full time for the Missouri State Highway Patrol (and commuting to and from Kansas City to do so), she works part time as a substitute teacher, volunteers at her church, acts as secretary of Savannah’s Park Board and is involved with her 14-year-old son’s athletics — not only attending games but also assisting with league paperwork and even making highlight videos of each season for the numerous sports he’s involved in. Please see Page 18
I don’t look at my situation as stressful. I look at my life as awesome. I look at it like you should have a calendar completely full every day, or you’re not living. — JESIE PHILLIPS, Savannah Mo.
CONTINUED FROM Page 17
“I don’t look at my situation as stressful. I look at my life as awesome,” Jesie says. “I look at it like you should have your calendar completely full every day, or you’re not living.” But for her, it’s not busyness simply for the sake of being busy: Every task she’s taken on has been for the purpose of a passion. For part of her career with the Highway Patrol, for example, she was an officer with the D.A.R.E. program and so much enjoyed working with students that, after she was assigned to another position, she became a part-time substitute to continue having time in the classroom. “I leave at the end of the day feeling like I at least helped one kid out while I was there,” she notes. Her involvement with students has extended to the football field, where Jesie is responsible for black flags cheering on Savannah’s team that she asked local businesses to sponsor and that she puts in the town square area the day of each home game, before moving them to the stadium that evening. While this might not seem like too unusual a commitment for a parent of a player, Jesie’s son, Jacob, isn’t yet old enough for high school football — meaning her display of team spirit is motivated purely out of a desire to serve the community. Well, that or a deep-seated desire to show support for high school sports, which may go back
to when she acted as her school’s mascot during her own time in high school. “People say I’m still a mascot; I just don’t have an outfit,” she laughs. But what she does have are some fans of her own. “I don’t know when she sleeps. I’m pretty sure she doesn’t,” says Rachelle Holt of Savannah, who has known Jesie since their sons, now eighth-graders, were in third grade. “It’s an amazing combination — excelling in a male-dominated career like she does and still being so involved with Jake.” “Excels” is a word also used by Jesie’s supervisor, Sgt. Terry Spain, in speaking of her performance with the Highway Patrol, in which she works in conjunction with the Missouri Gaming Division to ensure regulations are followed at Harrah’s North Kansas City Hotel and Casino. “She’s got great people skills,” he adds. “In this kind of business, you have to.” Those people skills trickle over into numerous other items on the list of everything Jesie’s involved in — but don’t expect to find her feeling burdened by it all. “I don’t want to make it seem like I’m great, like I’m Mother Theresa out here,” she says. “But if I can go to bed at night feeling like I made a difference in the world, I’m a happy person. And with all of these different things I’m involved with, I feel like I have a good chance at that every day.”
I don’t know when she sleeps. I’m pretty sure she doesn’t. It’s an amazing combination — excelling in a male-dominated career like she does and still being so involved with Jake. — RACHELLE HOLT, Savannah Mo.
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Switch up Take your look from day to night with a few simple tricks By KRISTEN HARE I Josephine magazine
fter a long day of work, you might be ready to hit the couch. If that’s the case, just slip into some comfy soft clothes, grab your remote and read no further. This article won’t be of much use to you. But if, after
a long day of work, you’re ready instead to hit the town, then read on. Going out after a day in the office doesn’t require a complete change of clothes. All of the tips here boil down to one pretty simple idea: just turn up the volume a bit on your daytime look.
| Josephine magazine |
SUBTRACTION If you’re of the suit set, underneath your nice jacket wear a camisole, says Casey Wallerstedt, owner of Mod Podge Boutique and Design Studio. When it’s time to leave the office, the jacket comes off. Same with a cardigan. Switch it out with a shimmery shawl or scarf, and you’re better prepared for a night on the town. Another idea for that suit: switch out your suit pants with jeans, and leave the blazer on, Wallerstedt says. Blazers, with the sleeves pushed up a little, are quite popular now. Then add a long necklace or some chunky bracelets, and you’re updated for the evening. And you can’t go wrong with wearing black, says Shelly Lemke, co-owner of Lil’ Pink Closet. “You can go anywhere with black,” she says. “Anywhere.” Wear a little black dress under a blazer, suggests Vicki Patterson, manager of Dress Barn, then take the blazer off before leaving the office. Now that you’ve removed the office from your look, it’s time to add a little something for the evening.
ADDITION One addition that won’t take up much room is switching from pantyhose to patterned or colored tights, says Wallerstedt. You also can add clips to those sensible shoes for a little extra something. They’re making a comeback, she says, “and I love them.” Or you could switch out your shoes, from that something sensible to a sexy heel or platform. The subtle jewelry also can be removed, and add, instead, a funky stack of bracelets, Wallerstedt says, or a patterned scarf with a vintage broach. Lemke recommends also popping your make-up up a notch by adding some glitter to your eyes, while Wallerstedt says to go smoky with the eyes and pull your hair into a sexy updo. “I think it’s just bringing it up a notch,” Patterson agrees. And finally, leave the huge tote bag in your car and slip your lipstick, ID and cash into a nice clutch that won’t slow you down. “Take something small,” Wallerstedt says. “When I go out, I don’t want to have to take all that.” One more tip, which involves nothing more than the flick of your wrist. If you’re asked to go out at the last minute and don’t have any of your tricks with you, touch up your make-up, pull up your hair and pop your collar, Wallerstedt says. Your look will have a little more attitude, and you can finally get down to the business of having a bit of fun.
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The lying game How to keep white lies from going to the dark side By JENNIFER GORDON I Josephine magazine
he truth is that some pants accentuate weight gain, not all dresses flatter and you’ve probably had a haircut that looks better under a baseball cap. But ask someone how that shirt looks on you, and you’ll likely hear the answer you want, not the honest one. “I’m not just going to tell them I hate their stuff,” says Cody Benowitz, a student at Missouri Western State University. “That’s rude. I’d say, ‘That’s not my style, but on you it looks OK.’” White lies can be considerate. They can spare feelings and deflect arguments, and they also easily can cross over from harmless to hurtful. At what point that happens may depend on what side of the lie you’re on. One person’s politesse can look like a character flaw in the eyes of the receiver. Determining the actual degree of a lie requires both parties to look at why the lie’s told in the first place. Lies can be altruistic or egoistic, says Dr. Kelly Bouas Henry, a professor in organizational psychology at Missouri Western. An altruistic lie tries to bend the truth to spare another’s feelings. An egoistic lie tries to cover something
up or make the lie teller appear better. To no surprise, most lie tellers believe they’re doing the former. “With almost all liars, (the lie) conflicts with their self view of themselves as honest,” Dr. Henry says. “One of the ways we can kind of reconcile that is to attribute it to an altruistic motive. ‘I am an honest person, but I’m also a kind person, and this would upset them.’ When we’re the receiver, we’re not experiencing that kind dissonance.” Lie receivers likely will not see the liar’s justification if they find out their friend or loved one wasn’t honest. Whereas liars are more apt to see the altruism, those hearing the lies are more likely to view the motive as egoistic. An emotional component often accompanies the discovery of an untruth. “Well, it hurts when you find out you’ve been lied to,” says Emily Tyson,
| Josephine magazine |
a student at Missouri Western. “I don’t talk to that person anymore.” Before responding with a knee-jerk reaction, the lie receiver should consider why the lie might have been told, Dr. Henry says. Know that it will feel personal, but remember you’re both looking at the motive for the lie differently. The lie is likely not a sign of a friend or partner’s larger character issue. Address the lie casually, says Ilene Schaller, a licensed social worker and counselor in St. Joseph, to keep the conversation from becoming accusatory. Preface the topic you want the lie teller to be honest about with, “it’s no big deal, but...” See if that opens the conversation for why the other person felt he or she couldn’t be truthful. If it doesn’t, take a more direct approach, Schaller advises, and reveal how you found out about the lie. Lie tellers can avoid the situation if they give pause before spouting out even a minor untruth. Consider the consequences if the lie would be exposed, and then determine the best route to take. “Sometimes it’s best not to say anything if you think about it and it’s going to upset somebody else,” Schaller says.
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Tossing and turning If you’re not getting enough sleep, your health may be at risk By LISA HORN | Josephine magazine
s kids, we had the bedtime routine down — a warm bath, snuggly pajamas, a story and a kiss good night. But somehow along the way to adulthood, bad habits may have developed that can lead to sleeplessness. But how do you know when poor sleep is something to worry about?
First of all, don’t stress, says Dr. Randy Mitchem, physician director of the Heartland Regional Medical Center Sleep Disorders Center. Mitchem deals with medical disorders that cause sleeplessness such as sleep apnea or narcolepsy, while his colleague Janice Mayer, an adult psychiatric mental health nurse practitioner, works with patients who, over time, have developed poor sleep habits or have psychiatric
| Josephine magazine |
issues that contribute to their insomnia. “The more time you lay in bed worrying about sleep, the more awake you’ll become,” Mayer says. A night of sleeplessness every once in a while is common, both practitioners say. In fact, 20 percent of Western society suffers from insomnia at any given time, Mitchem says. Short-term insomnia can be caused by negative stress, such as a loved one’s
passing or the loss of a job. Other causes of poor sleep relate more to “positive” stress such as getting married or moving. If irregular or lack of sleep persists, however, it’s something to ask your doctor about, Mayer says. Insomnia is often a symptom of a medical condition such as sleep apnea or narcolepsy or a mental health issue such as depression or anxiety. “It’s like saying you just have a fever,” she says. “With insomnia, there is more to it; we have to go look for the cause.” When searching for the answer, Mayer asks her patients questions about their sleep habits such as, “What time do you go to sleep?” “Do you wake up during the night?” “Do you feel refreshed in the morning?” These and a battery of other questions, the person’s medical history and a night in the sleep lab may help determine the cause(s). Lab results can be particularly helpful in showing sleep apnea sufferers just how poorly they’re sleeping. Sleep apnea occurs when breathing repeatedly stops and starts during sleep. For most people, these “micro wake ups” last five to seven seconds multiple times during the night. This most common sleep disorder is particularly concerning not only because of the needed rest it steals from the sufferer, but the effect it has on the body as a whole, Mitchem says. Sleep apnea sufferers’ risk of heart attack and stroke is 200 to 300 percent higher than in those without the illness, he says. Common in people who are overweight, research also shows a link between sleep apnea and an increased risk of diabetes and high blood pressure. “A lot of people want to blame their lack of sleep on
something else,” says Mitchem, referring to many of his patients who often think their age, stress at work or other issues are the culprits. Many of Mitchem and Mayer’s patients are unaware of how poorly they’re sleeping and seek treatment at the urging of a concerned spouse. It is only after treatment that they realize how much their quality of life has improved. “I have had patients tell me, ‘I didn’t know I was sleepy until I woke up,’” Mitchem says. Medical conditions or mental health issues aren’t always the causes of insomnia, but the demands we put on ourselves often are. Most adults need between 7.5 and 8.5 hours of sleep a night but think they can manage with less, Mitchem says. For example, watching TV, trying out your latest app or bringing work to bed will not promote good sleep. A good rule of thumb is, “Don’t use your bed for anything other than sleep or sex,” Mayer adds. Think you can catch up on your Zs this weekend? That can disrupt your altered sleep schedule even more. “Not getting enough sleep is like borrowing money,” Mitchem says. “Eventually, you have to pay it back.” A consistent bedtime routine and waking at the same time each day will help ensure a good night’s rest, both Mitchem and Mayer say. “Anything you can do to dissipate the stress of the day is good,” Mayer says. She recommends soft music, some light reading, herbal tea and even mild exercise as good transitions to bedtime. As long as you stick with it and feel rested the next day, you’re on the right track, Mayer says. And if a warm bath and snuggly pajamas help you fall into slumber, who says that’s a bad thing?
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Get W what you pay for
By Shea Conner Josephine magazine
e’ve all had that feeling. That little fireball in the pit of your stomach that tells you that you’ve been scammed. Cheated. Grifted. Rubed. Had the rug pulled over on you.
Take these steps to ensure you’re given the best repair possible
Often, that feeling comes from a shoddy repair job. The problem is that it’s difficult to make sure you’re getting what you paid for when it comes to home or auto repair. After all, you would take care of it if you could, but these complex jobs usually require the attention and skill of a professional. However, it’s a tough task to judge whether said professional is trustworthy and reliable. The easiest way to check up on a repair business is to look for customer reviews. Glowing reviews have equaled more jobs for Brian Steeby of Brian’s Handyman Service in St. Joseph. Steeby — who tackles a number of small jobs in the areas of carpentry, electrical work, plumbing, gutter cleaning, painting and more — has received 26 Google customer reviews, and all of them are rated five stars. That word of mouth has been crucial to the success of his service. “Because I have the reviews, they trust me to do it,” Steeby says. “It’s not like I can run anything past anybody.” Many reviews indicate that Steeby gets the job done quickly, but it’s his dedication to customer service that pushes him over the top. Steeby
| Josephine magazine |
says he always reviews the repairs he made with his customers. He shows them the parts he replaced and what caused the malfunctions when possible. He adds that customers can prevent being scammed by familiarizing themselves with certain aspects of the job. If your dishwasher is making horrible noises, check online to see what usually causes dishwashers to make those noises. If your car feels wobbly when it turns left, call a local auto parts store to find out what could be the problem. Many of those same auto parts stores offer service/repair manuals that you can reference. Steeby has one other important tip for customers — never, EVER give a repairman money upfront. Reputable professionals don’t get paid until they’re done with the job, he says. “Once someone has the money, it’s a little less motivation to come back,” Steeby says. Steeby’s advice is good for those who need small-scale repairs. However, big home renovation jobs are often another monster all together. If your home needs a facelift, use the following tips from financial advice columnist Lynette Khalfani-Cox to ensure your renovation isn’t a ripoff:
O Ask to see the contractor’s business license and other credentials. O Use local contractors when possible; never let strangers into your home without verifying their business affiliation. O Get written estimates from several licensed firms. Remember, the lowest price is not necessarily the best deal, nor does the highest quote suggest superior service.
O Ask for local references and call them. O Before any work begins or money is paid, get a written, signed contract that spells out all the details of the work, including materials, deadlines and the total cost. O Make sure the contractor obtains all applicable permits and that all required inspections are completed. O Check on the work as it is being done. O In the case of exterior work such as driveways, gutters, sidewalks, landscaping and fence installations, ask for references for work done by the contractor one to two years ago. Automotive repair can prove just as intimidating and frustrating. But John DiPietro, automotive editor for the car website Edmunds. com, says there are precautions you can take when working with a mechanic:
O If the problem is something that affects safety or seems to be a common manufacturing defect, chances are you can get the problem taken care of for free. What you want to do is find out if a recall (which is when the manufacturer openly acknowledges a defect) has been issued for that problem. You can find that information at NHTSA.gov under the category of “Recall Searches by make, model, year.” O Check with your local Better Business Bureau to see if any complaints have been filed against the repair shops or dealerships you’re considering for your car’s care.
O Ask the respective shop managers if the mechanics they employ are “ASE” (Automotive Service Excellence) certified, and in what areas (such as engine, brakes, electrical, etc.). O When you’ve picked a shop and are dropping the car off, tell the person handling your car that you want to be given an estimate before they perform the repairs. Tell them to call you with the estimate and for your authorization before they do anything else so you can decide whether you want them to do the work. O Once you’ve gotten the lowdown on the necessary repairs and an estimate, call other shops (that also have good credentials) to get additional estimates for the work. Be certain that you make it clear to them exactly what you need done to your vehicle. What you’re looking for is some consistency — estimates that are a lot lower than the average might not be real, whereas ones that are a lot higher could indicate a shop trying to take you to the cleaners. O After the repairs are complete and you’ve gone to the shop to pick up your car, first scrutinize the bill to make sure the agreed-upon work was done and the cost is in line with the estimate. If anything looks awry, ask about it right then and there. O Check out your car and take it for a brief test drive with the service advisor or the mechanic riding shotgun. This way, if the car still makes the “funny noise” or “runs rough” or “pulls to the side” when you hit the brakes, he’ll be right there to witness it. Don’t take the car unless you are satisfied.
than men after college, and you see men are getting shortchanged somewhere. Using recent U.S. Census data, the
New York Times found that women, in the decade after college, make
more on average than men. Men are supposedly weaker economically more than at any other time in history compared to women, according
hen men think they
outnumber women they tend to be less frugal. That’s the finding from a study on personal finance reported in a recent USA Today article. The study, done by the University of Minnesota’s Carlson’s School of Management, claims that when men think they outnumber women, they save less and borrow more. And, they’re also more
likely to buy things on impulse. The researchers found this out by asking groups of men to read news articles that suggested there were either more or less women in the particular area where they lived. The research-
Are men still expected to be the spenders in relationships?
ers then asked the men depending on their circumstance, how much money would they save or borrow each month. When men felt there were more of them than women in a given city, their savings rate fell by 42 percent. At the same time, their borrowing habits increased by 84 percent, ac-
ALONZO WESTON is a columnist and
cording to the study.
reporter for the St. Joseph News-Press. The St. Joseph native has served on the News-Press staff for more than 20 years. He and his wife, Deanna, have two children and a dog. The St. Joseph native is also a sports junkie who doesn’t pick up after himself. If you’d like to suggest an idea for this column, contact Alonzo at alonzo.weston@ newspressnow.com.
A similar study on women found that those sex ratios didn’t have the same effect on their monetary habits. However, when the women did find out that they were outnumbered by men, they expected the guys to spend more money on them. Now juxtapose that information with a recent New York Times article
to the Times article. I have trouble believing that, but if it is true, why do women expect men to spend more money on them? Is it the result of some prehistoric hardwiring that says men are supposed to be the breadwinners and spend more even if the women are bringing home more bacon? I’ve never been in a relationship where the woman made more money than me. I’m not sure how I would deal with that. I am hard-wired to think men are supposed to pay for things like dinners and movies. But I’m not going to spring for dinner at Pierpont’s when all I can afford is Ryan’s Steakhouse. I’m happily married now, but if I were dating and I had to go broke to prove my love to some woman, I’d drop her like a hot potato. And it wouldn’t matter if there were more men in town or not. I’m not competitive to where I would max out my credit card just to impress someone. You want to call that cheap? That’s fine with me. I’ll keep my money. When I met my wife, Deanna, I was broke as the Ten Commandments. Thankfully she saw beyond my billfold. I’m still cheap and broke today, and it doesn’t bother her one bit. I think.
that said women make more money
| Josephine magazine |
up.” He replied, “It didn’t work.” When I told him he should have informed me of this before I wore it to a funeral, he said, “You shouldn’t even
y hubby and I were
having one of those deep, philosophi-
wear it to your own funeral.” He did end the conversation with
cal conversations that men hate and
some nice words. “Just hold on to it
women love. Our discussion began
for 20 more years and then it will look
with an observation that when you
beautiful on you.”
begin dating someone, you think the
Being completely honest in a rela-
person is absolutely perfect. Flawless
tionship is like trying to do the Samba
even. But something strange happens
in a field full of land mines. You may
when you walk down the aisle. Sud-
think you are doing something won-
denly that “work of art” becomes a
derful, but the risk of a major explo-
“work in progress.” You come home
sion is pretty high.
from the honeymoon and immediately
Don’t agree? Well, let me just list a
get started changing that person into
few examples of some “honesty land
who you really want them to be.
mines” that I think a person should
I was feeling pretty high and mighty,
really try and avoid if they want to
explaining to my hubby how I let him
remain in a relationship.
be all that he wants to be. He quickly
O Never say “Honey, don’t you just love my mother?” This is just setting yourself up for information you don’t really want to hear.
informed me that I was lying to him, and to myself, if I really thought that was a true statement. He went on to list examples of how I boss him around. I quickly conceded the point. After thinking for a brief moment, he replied, “I let you be 90 percent yourself. I reserve the right on the other 10 percent for those occasions when you do something really strange.” The smile left my face. “Well 10 percent seems like a pretty large gap,” I explained. “I don’t really think you need that much.” He looked at me and said, “I actually would like to say more. I just don’t.” I did a quick inventory of my qualities and said, “Be honest with me. Is there anything you are thinking about at this moment?” (This was really a test.) I expected to hear, “No darling, you are a perfect specimen of womanhood,” but instead I got this: “You know that black and white dress you wore yesterday? Well, using my 10 percent, I need to ask you to never wear it again. It looks like it is from the Betty White collection.” I gasped, then tried to defend myself. “Well the dress was bought at a trendy
O Do not point out “When little Johnny throws a fit, he looks just like you.” Well, unless you want to see the two of them throw a fit together. O “Darling, just think how much money we save on shampoo since you lost so much hair,” is not a sweet nothing that you whisper in the ear of your loved one as you stroke what little hair they have left. O “I think those lines around your eyes make you look noble.” Ironically, the stress caused by this statement, and the proceeding argument, actually will cause wrinkles, FOR YOU BOTH! O And the comment, “Wow, your high school classmate looks 10 years younger than you” can actually bring you great physical pain.
Honestly? Should couples really share everything that’s on their minds?
As you can see, there are times when you look back on your honesty that you can later refer to as “the day my marriage fell apart.” My sweet hubby saying my dress looked like it belonged in the closet of a 90-year-old woman is not going to be the end for us, but I am concerned
STACEY MOLLUS is a humor columnist who believes laughter is the best form of exercise and happy people are the best looking people. She loves her family, chocolate, clothes that are stretchy and things that sparkle. You can contact her at firstname.lastname@example.org or follow her on Facebook at “Queen of Chocolates.”
about him bringing up that “10 percent.” Makes me wonder what other things he has been biting his tongue about and holding back.
store, and I wore fun shoes to funk it newspressnow.com/josephine
| Josephine magazine |
The accidental eater Well, OK, I’ve never really accidentally eaten anything, but I have eaten the whole thing claiming it was an accident. High on the list of things I can’t resist if they are anywhere near me are Congo Bars. There are several versions, but I think this one is the best.
Congo bars 11 tablespoons unsalted butter 1 pound light brown sugar 3 large eggs 2¾ cups all-purpose flour 2½ teaspoons baking powder 1/2 teaspoon salt 2 cups semi sweet chocolate chips 1 cups walnuts or pecans (first toasted) and chopped Preheat oven to 325 degrees, Butter a 10x15x1-inch baking pan (jelly roll type). In a large bowl, mix butter, brown sugar and eggs, making sure to break up any lumps of brown sugar. In a separate bowl, sift together the flour, baking power and salt. Mix the dry ingredients into the egg mixture, then stir in chocolate chips and nuts. Spread the batter into the pan as evenly as possible. It will be sticky, so use your fingers to pat it out. Bake for about 20 minutes or until deep golden brown. Remove from the oven, let cool a few minutes and cut into bars while still warm. These slightly improve after a day in an airtight container stored at room temperature. When teaching pastry, I tell my students that if you only have one good dessert sauce in your repertoire, it should be Crème Anglaise. Considered the mother sauce among pastry chefs, it is the beginning of ice cream, starch-thickened pastry cream and so much more. This versatile custard can be poured over cakes, cobblers, tarts, fresh fruit and cookies. It can be made ahead, and that proves to be my downfall: Walking by the pitcher of Crème Anglaise in the refrigerator and sneaking a small spoonful each time. More than once I had to make another batch.
Crème Anglaise 2 cups whole milk 6 tablespoons sugar Pinch of salt 1 vanilla bean, split lengthwise 6 large egg yolks 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract (use real vanilla, not imitation) Place a medium metal bowl in a larger bowl filled with ice water. Set a mesh strainer across the top. In a medium saucepan, combine milk, sugar and salt. Scrape the seeds from the vanilla bean and add to the saucepan, then drop in the pod. Over low heat, warm the mixture to dissolve the sugar. In a small bowl, lightly whisk the egg yolks. Whisk in some of the warmed milk mixture to help warm the yolks, then add the warmed yolks back into the milk mixture. This helps keep the yolks from scrambling. Cook over medium low heat, stirring constantly until the custard is thick enough to coat the back of a spoon. If you run your finger down the back of the spoon and the mixture remains intact, it’s ready. If it blurs on the edges, it’s not cooked enough yet (180 degrees on an instant-read thermometer). When ready, immediately strain the custard through the mesh strainer into the chilled bowl. (Save the vanilla pod, rinse and dry for another use.) Add the vanilla extract, keep stirring until the cream cools down. Once cool, cover and refrigerate. It will keep covered up to three days. You can “spike” this dessert sauce with a couple of tablespoons of Grand Marnier, rum or Cognac.
Basic roasted nuts 2 cups (about 1 pound) unsalted mixed nuts 1 tablespoon peanut oil 1 teaspoon to 1 tablespoon of your favorite spice, I like curry powder or a good chili powder Salt and freshly ground pepper Preheat oven to 450 degrees. Toss the nuts in the oil, spice, salt and pepper. Place on baking sheet and roast, shaking occasionally, until lightly browned, about 10 minutes. Cool before serving, they will crisp up as they cool. These also are really good with just butter.
LONNIE GANDARA TAYLOR is a St. Joseph native who
I love nuts (and just not the ones in my family). These quick recipes make “accidentally eating” them really easy.
has returned home after a prestigious career in the culinary field. She taught
cooking classes in the San Francisco Bay area for years and was a profes-
6 tablespoons unsalted butter 4 cups pecans (about one pound) 2 tablespoons soy sauce 1 teaspoon salt and freshly ground pepper Preheat oven to 300 degrees. Put butter in large baking pan, set in oven until melted. Add pecans and toss to coat. Bake eight to 10 minutes until nuts just start to brown. Remove from oven, let cool a minute or two, then toss with soy sauce, salt and pepper to taste, mix well. Serve slightly warm or at room temperature.
| Josephine magazine |
sional assistant to Julia Child, James Beard, Martha Stewart, Simone Beck and Martin Yan, among others. She is a graduate of the Paris Cordon Bleu, the Academie du Vin in Paris and the first culinary class held in the Oriental Hotel in Bangkok, as well as being the author of five cookbooks.
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Gluten-Free Cooking Class with Chef Ralph of Luna’s Catering and Sheri Caldwell, Hy-Vee Store Dietitian
Saturday, March 10, 2012 Sheri Caldwell RD, LD, CLT Hy-Vee Store Dietitian
11:00 AM - 2:00 PM
214 N. 20th St., St. Joseph, MO Chef Ralph Filipelli
$15 by prepaid reservation at Hy-Vee Customer Service Lunch Included Class size limited to 20 participants
Gluten-Free Menu Includes:
Mixed Greens with Tomatoes and Asiago Luna’s House Dressing P Penne Pasta with Chicken or Shrimp Bread Pizza Molten Lava Cake Visit all of our wonderful Hy-Vee departments: FLORAL • KITCHEN • ITALIAN • CHINESE • DELICATESSEN • PRODUCE • BAKERY • SALAD BAR • DAIRY FROZEN • MEAT & SEAFOOD MARKET• PHARMACY • HEALTHMARKET • WINE & SPIRITS
201 N. Belt Hwy. • 816-232-9750 Follow us on
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