she is, she will be more likely to accept and like herself—no matter what anyone else thinks of her. A girl who is nice to herself is more likely to be nice to others—and to bounce back from hurtful words. Teach how to detach from drama. Advise your daughter to step back from emotionally charged situations. Girl vendettas are common in middle school and
In middle school, popularity is perceived as power, and kids instinctively hunger for it. can ignite for the slightest reasons. When such a situation erupts, your daughter may empathize with one or both girls and inadvertently get sucked into a feud. Encourage her to avoid taking sides. Teach her to listen to the facts and form her own opinion without getting involved in any drama. Be her safe harbor. Authentic self-expression can be a struggle for teen girls. Let your daughter know she can be honest and real with you, even if she is having trouble saying to her peers what she really means. Don’t give in to the common misperception that teenagers need to be left alone. She may push you away and not want to talk as much as she used to, but your middle schooler needs help navigating her brave new social world. If you expect her to do it on her own, she is going to feel stressed and look for friends who can help her take the edge off. You have to be there every day, listening and responsive, whenever she wants to talk. www.sonomafamilylife.com
Keep your negativity in check. When confronted with a challenging situation, your daughter will intuitively imitate the way you behave. If you project negativity onto others, she is going to learn to do the same. If you are insecure, she will be insecure. If you are superior and competitive with others, she will follow suit. If you judge and condemn...I am sure you get the picture. You can’t hold your daughter accountable for her attitudes and actions if you are not accountable for yours. Be sure you set a good example, or your daughter’s behavior may end up reflecting your least appealing qualities. Reinforce and challenge your daughter’s strengths. Girls who are confident about their positive
qualities are less likely to become mean or to fall prey to a mean girl’s attacks; they can shrug off a negative encounter and easily bounce back. So make sure you often point out your daughter’s strengths and give her opportunities to use her gifts in your community. If you focus only on her weaknesses, she is going to believe she is a walking, talking pile of “not good enough”—fertile ground for either becoming, or being a victim of, a mean girl. Follow these six points, and you will have a good shot at raising a kind and confident daughter who is never the target of a mean girl. ¶ Christina Katz and her teen daughter enjoy watching chick flicks, going out to eat, shopping, and talking about life.
Empowering Reads For Parents Michelle Anthony and Reyna Lindert, Little Girls Can Be Mean: Four Steps to Bully-proof Girls in the Early Grades
(St. Martin’s Griffin, 2010). Rachel Simmons, Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls (Mariner Books, 2011). Rosalind Wiseman, Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and the New Realities of Girl World (Harmony, 2009). For Kids Patti Kelley Criswell, A Smart Girl’s Guide: Friendship Troubles: Dealing With Fights, Being Left Out, and the Whole Popularity Thing (American Girl, 2013). Patti Kelley Criswell, A Smart Girl’s Guide to Knowing What to Say (American Girl, 2011). Patti Kelley Criswell, Stand Up for Yourself and Your Friends: Dealing with Bullies and Bossiness and Finding a Better Way (American Girl, 2009). Nancy Holyoke, A Smart Girl’s Guide: Drama, Rumors & Secrets: Staying True to Yourself in Changing Times (American Girl, 2015).
August 2015
SonomaFamilyLife 23