Our voices, our stories
So-called parenting advice By Michael Botur
What is a kid bod and how can I get one?
his morning while I was scurrying about the house nuzzling a steaming cup
of coffee, cranking up the heat pump and shivering under a scorching shower, my six year old boy, Abe, was in his boxer shorts playing on his Nintendo DS, oblivious to the cold.
here are just days left for youth to register for the opportunity to take part in the 2017 Northland Youth Summit Arts Festival which will be held in Dargaville on Wednesday and Thursday 6 & 7 September. This FREE two-day festival gives our 12-24 year olds the chance to express their stories and voices in a medium that suits their interests. There will be ﬁve innovative and creative workshops facilitated by experts in the ﬁelds of music production, digital ﬁlm and video, mural design, performance and theatre and 3D projection mapping. The facilitators include actor/director Christopher Graham and Jess Collins drama teacher representing Northland Youth Theatre who will work with the students to create a performance piece. The music group will write lyrics and compose songs with music tutor Paul Mathieson and Otium lead singer Jessie Samu. Northtec visual arts tutor Faith McManus and painter David Sarich will guide the mural artists to paint a series of mural panels which when assembled together will be exhibited on a location to be revealed in Dargaville. Ana Heremaia and Ruby Watson from Akau Studio in Kaikohe along with Hans Kim from Mass will facilitate the 3D projection mapping workshop where participants will play, experiment and learn about design, storytelling, creative drawing and communication skills as well as 3D projection mapping technology skills. Director of photography Adam Jones and Facebox producer Raewyn Barry will teach the digital ﬁlm and video workshop attendees to use professional camera, sound and editing equipment to document the entire Summit, with their ﬁlm screened at the end of the event and when completed put on YouTube. If you know someone that could be interested in this fantastic opportunity get them to apply now as applications close on Friday 11 August. For further information please contact Sarah Miln on 09 430 0710 or email@example.com or visit www.creativenorthland.com for a registration form and to see what has come out of the past youth summits.
This morning while I was scurrying about the house nuzzling a steaming cup
xenomorphs, you name it: none of us can match naturally perfect body while kids
of coffee, cranking up the heat pump and shivering under a scorching shower, my six year old boy, Abe, was in his boxer shorts playing on his Nintendo DS,
are blessed with. I have mates starving themselves. I have mates thrashing their bodies in the gym for ten hours a week. I have morbidly obese mates; I have mates
oblivious to the cold. While the boy was shirtless, I couldn’t help but admire his ridiculously sculpted body. Even with
who cannot put on weight, even during Hot & Spicy season at KFC. For adults to acquire the ﬂat, lean body shape and
terrible gaming posture he looked ripped. His back was hunched and his belly compressed, yet only the tiniest sliver of fat could be spotted on the boy. I could see
perfect skin of little kids would take a hell of a lot of personal training, plastic surgery and liposuction. Some people try – and still, they no grown-up manages to attain
every curve and stretch of muscle, from shoulders to biceps to pecs. In case you’re saying to yourself, “Oh, Abe probably stays
the perfection of the kid bod. Sure, okay, maybe my boy deserves to have perfectly functioning organs and no
ripped cause he does BoxFit classes every morning before school.” I’m not sure if they do BoxFit classes for six year olds, but I can tell you this: Abe doesn’t deserve
cholesterol because he doesn’t drink beer, order drive-thru or do eating competitions at Jimmy Jack’s Rib Shack (as far as I know). It’s not as if kids are into paleo
his incredible bod. No child does. Surely, if there is a God in heaven, he can swap things around so that us hardworking
and clean eating, though. Kids begin their day eating sugary carbohydrate cereal with sugary milk, have more carbs at
parents are rewarded with incredible physiques, while our lazy kids get the schlubby body. Last month I columned about the Dad
lunch, and get a reward of sugary dessert if they eat their sugary beetroot and sugary chicken nuggets. Even Pamol and toothpaste are loaded with sugar.
Bod, which is the body shape acquired by males after they sire children. To bring you up to speed: when gaining a
If I eat the exact same stuff as my six year old boy – including boogers, scabs, and bubblegum pulled off the tarmac at
dad bod, you go from being built like a brick shithouse to being built like a shitty pile of collapsed bricks. Amongst my peers I have ectomorphs, endomorphs,
school – will I end up with a Kid Bod? Maybe. I’m thinking about giving it a try. It’s worth a shot. Wish me luck.
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