4 minute read
Shut Your Pie Hole: Good Bosses Listen First
[ CAREER CONNECTION ]
By Dena Cordova-Jack
Let’s just say it plainly: If you’re the boss, and you’re the first one to speak in every meeting, you’re probably doing it wrong.
I had a wise mentor once tell me that when the leader speaks their mind first, the entire conversation that follows tends to orbit around that opinion. Not because it was brilliant. Not because it was inspiring. But because everyone else just mentally packed up their bags and went home. Why bother throwing out a different idea when the boss already decided what’s best?
This is what I like to call the “echo chamber effect.” Or, if you’re feeling spicy, the “follow-the-leader-lemming-syndrome.” It’s where creativity goes to die, innovation flatlines and psychological safety has left the building.
Here’s the truth: good bosses don’t dominate the conversation. They sponsor it. They create the space. They set the tone. They protect the room from idea assassins and status quo worshippers. And most importantly: they shut their pie hole.
Now I know that sounds harsh. But let’s be honest: some leaders love the sound of their own voice more than a karaoke machine at an office Christmas party. And sure, there’s a time and a place for sharing a vision or offering guidance. But if you’re doing all the talking, you’re not leading — you’re monologuing.
Listening is a leadership skill. It’s not passive. It’s not soft. And it’s not the warm-up act before you drop your “real” ideas on the group. It’s strategic. It’s essential. And it takes a little bit of humility to do it well.
My southern Grandmother always told us, “God gave you two ears and one mouth.” That ratio was not an accident.
When leaders choose to listen first, magical things start to happen:
• The quiet folks chime in with insights that would’ve been bulldozed.
• The devil’s advocates feel safe enough to poke holes in flawed plans (before the market does).
• The team starts to believe their input actually matters, which means they stop phoning it in.
• And best of all, you don’t have to have all the answers — because you don’t.
Great leaders are curiosity-driven, not control-obsessed. They don’t need to be the smartest person in the room. They want to build the smartest room possible.
That requires asking questions and actually wanting to hear the answers. It means not shooting down a different viewpoint just because it makes you uncomfortable or wasn’t part of your original “vision deck.” It means resisting the urge to tie every discussion up in a nice bow with your opinion as the shiny topper.
Sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is, “Interesting…tell me more.”
Or even better, “What do you all think before I weigh in?”
It’s not weakness. It’s leadership maturity. It’s knowing that your team’s ideas, experience and perspectives are not a threat — they are your competitive advantage.
But it takes guts.
You have to be willing to hear the hard stuff. To sit in the discomfort. To not have the final word. To shut your pie hole even when you’re dying to jump in with that one brilliant thing you just thought of. Write it down. You’ll live.
Look, I get it. You didn’t get into leadership because you love the sound of crickets. But if you want innovation, loyalty and ownership from your team, you have to make room for voices that aren’t yours.
And if you’re the kind of boss who believes in “group think” (not to be confused with group sync), you better believe that your voice carries weight. Use that power to create space, not fill it. In summary: Speak last. Listen well. And every once in a while, shut your pie hole. It just might be the smartest thing you don’t say all day.
The Women in the Industry sessions are part of BLD Connection’s professional development programming, with this year’s theme Built to Lead. Facilitated by Dena Cordova-Jack, the series offers a relaxed, supportive space for women working at all levels of the lumber and building material industry to learn from and encourage one another. For upcoming session dates and registration links, visit the event calendar at bldconnection.org.
With more than 30 years in the LBM industry at companies including Georgia-Pacific, Boise Cascade, FoxworthGalbraith, and Kodiak Building Partners, Dena Cordova-Jack has experienced leadership from every angle. Now, through CordovaJack Consulting, she helps women lead boldly, ditch perfectionism and take their seat at the table.
