April 25, 2012
April Challenges, Week 4 Goals Your last week in the month. You can do this! Let’s keep moving forward and make those changes “Habits” that will last a lifetime. Remember the time you invest now will have big returns in the end. All your resources and support systems are within reach. Don’t go this journey alone; if you
“Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude.” -Thomas Jefferson
need support remember to use your resources. Take a look at this weeks goals.(Continued on page 2)
Tips and Tools for Success There are a lot of tricks and tools out there that will help increase your effectiveness at achieving each goal. With each week’s goals we pro-
Inside this Issue Page 2 April Challenges, Week 4 goals
vide questions, handouts, information and other resources that can help
you make positive changes in your lifestyle. (Continued on page 3)
Tips and Tools Page 5-6
Five Dumb Things Arguing Couples Say .
When couples get angry or frustrated in a relationship, they often begin
It’s all about the Act of “Action”
patterns of thinking that seem logical, but are destructive to the relation-
ship. Check out these five common irrational arguments and see if they
Base Resource Phone List
look familiar to your relationship. (Page 5)
Base Phone List Check out additional resources on our website: Getting involved in various programs and accessing resources is key to your success. Don’t isolate yourself in your efforts to improve. Instead, get involved with groups, classes, and events that will keep you motivated.
Check out the list of base resources on page 6.
Challenge 4 Life Website Check out additional resources on our website: http://www.med.navy.mil/sites/NavalHospitalJax/Challenge4Life/Pages/default.aspx
www.choosemyplate. gov www.smallstep.gov www.cdc.gov/ healthyweight
April Challenges: Week 4 Goals APRIL CHALLENGE:
Get Moving, Stay Motivated.
Defeat negative thoughts. What you think influences how you feel. Negative
Begin small and you will see amazing changes.
thoughts lead to unhealthy emotions that can have a
Make those goals small and achievable in order to
bad impact on our mood, behavior and relationships. Learn how to replace unhealthy thoughts with positive
promote your success.
Week 4 Goal: Add Strength Training.
Increasing your strength means better bones and more efficient weight loss. Safely add weights to your routine ask a Fitness Specialist at the Fitness Source about how to get started with weights or join their
Week 4: Take a positive approach. Try to see the positive side of every circumstance. The saying, “When life hands you lemons; make lemonade,” is an excellent reminder to be aware of your thoughts and to use them to make the best of each situation.
Learn to Lift Program.
Express appreciation and fondness. One of the most important ways we show love is to say it. But expressing love goes beyond saying “I love you.” Explore ways to expand your love vocabulary.
Week 4 Goal: Express attraction and pride in the relationship. Comments like, “Wow, you look amazing!” can mean a lot. Look for opportunities to flirt with and to brag about your partner. Make him/her feel like you are a not-so-secret admirer.
Find your “Higher Power.” Whether you believe in God as defined by a religion or not, it is important to recognize a power greater than yourself and to develop the ability to receive guidance and empowerment through that relationship.
Week 4 Goal: Make your higher power a central part of your life. Use your higher power to find meaning, and direction. Also use it to enhance your connection to family, and community. Seek to find passion in meaningful things and to build true sense of self– worth.
April 25, 2012
Tips and Tools for Success Body Week 4 Goal: Add Strength Training. Increasing your strength means better bones and more efficient weight loss. Safely add weights to your routine ask a Fitness Specialist at the Fitness Source about how to get started with weights or join their Learn to Lift Program. Strength training is an important part of everyone’s weekly workout plan. Improving muscle strength helps eliminate injuries that occur as a body ages and provides bone strengthening which also eliminates age relate injuries. In addition, more muscle means more efficient weight loss and maintenance of healthy weight. Make sure you work a variety of muscle groups, not just the same ones over and over.
Mind Week 4: Take a positive approach. Try to see the positive side of every circumstance. The saying, “When life hands you lemons; make lemonade,” is an excellent reminder to be aware of your thoughts and to use them to make the best of each situation.
Recognize that there are good and bad aspects to almost anything and everyone. View life more realistically! See the potential for possible resolution to negative circumstances given increased time and effort. Acknowledge personal resources and abilities that can have an impact on negative situations and see opportunities to make a difference. Consider that all possible outcomes may occur and recognizing that without effort no positive outcome is possible. Think positive. Talk positive. Read positive quotable quotes of great people.
April 25, 2012
Tips and Tools for Success Spirit Week 4 Goal: Make your higher power a central part of your life. Use your higher power to find meaning, and direction. Also use it to enhance your connection to family, and community. Seek to find passion in meaningful things and to build true sense of self– worth. If your higher power is filed away in some file in your brain only to be pulled out when somebody asks you what you believe, or on an occasional holy day, then you probably aren’t benefiting much from your belief. However, if your belief is important to you, you will use it to guide you every day. It will help you determine how you act, how you treat others, how you react to challenges, and what goals you are working toward. In order to make your life more spiritually centered, here are some simple suggestions. Get your bearings daily- It is important to have a way to stop and remind yourself what is important, where you want to be, and what you need to do to get there. It also helps to take a look at what is standing in your way. Prayer or meditation is a great way for this as well as using rituals or regular reminders. Ask the hard questions- Some questions seem too difficult to answer (such as “what is the meaning of life?” and “why do bad things happen?”), but you would be surprised how easy it is to come up with personal answers when you know and understand your higher power. Train yourself to think about it. If spirituality keeps slipping to the back of your mind, find ways to keep it in the front. Fill your life with pictures, music, and other reminders that naturally pull spirituality to the front of your mind. Point out the effects of your higher power in the world around you and express gratitude.
Relationships Week 4 Goal: Express attraction and pride in the relationship. Comments like, “Wow, you look amazing!” can mean a lot. Look for opportunities to flirt with and to brag about your partner. Make him/her feel like you are a not-so-secret admirer. We all love to feel attractive. Millions of dollars are spent each month on clothes, make-up, plastic surgery, gym memberships, etc. in an attempt to make ourselves more attractive. At our core, we are all quite insecure. That is why relationships can feel so wonderful and can be so addictive. It feels good to have somebody attracted to us. After a while, though, much of the flame of infatuation can die off, especially if it is not fanned. If a couple isn’t careful, they can quickly end up living mostly just as business partners. Regularly express attraction both through words and actions. Act as though you are so proud to show off your catch, even after 3, 10 or 30 years. Remember that attraction isn’t only about appearance. Make sure you emphasize a variety things you are attracted to and proud of. For Parent-Child Relationships. The same principles apply with children, who are also developing their self image. Make sure you don’t focus only on physical appearance, or how good they are at sports. Help them see that their worth doesn’t come only from what others think is important.
April 25, 2012
Five Dumb Things Arguing Couples Say Have you ever noticed that it seems that your fights with your significant other sometimes never really make since. Take a few minutes to read about the five dumb things that married people commonly say to each other (or think to themselves) when they are arguing , along with an explanation about why they are dumb things to say. After you reflect on these scenarios, see if it applies to you and make it a point to work on changing this situations in the future. “You’ve changed. You’re not the same person I married.” Of course he or she has changed. So have you. So have your family and friends. So has the nation, your career, and what is on television. The point is that change is a part of life. Your love should not depend on life remaining as it was when you first got married. The truth is that you probably didn’t know your spouse when you were engaged as well as you thought you did. Now you are facing the reality of life. Stress from work, children, in-laws, finances, etc. can bring out sides of your spouse and yourself that you never saw in the early dating environment. Your relationship may even be influenced by mental illness, addiction, health problems, or grief related changes. To make your relationship work you must be flexible and accept change. You must be able to love your spouse for who they are, not for who you thought they were or who you expected them to become. If you cannot love what your spouse has become, that may say more about you than it does about your spouse.* “This isn’t how love/marriage is supposed to be.” What makes you so sure you know how it is “supposed to be?” Most people develop their idea of how marriage should be from two things: their parents, and Hollywood. Neither of those are the best examples for you. You may learn a lot of good things about marriage from your parents, but remember that your perception of their marriage may not reflect reality, especially if you are comparing their marriage right now to your marriage right now. Early in their marriage things were probably much more difficult for them than they are now. Besides, your marriage faces unique challenges in a changing society that they never did. As for learning from Hollywood (movies, music, romance novels, and even many popular magazines), I shouldn’t even have to explain the problem with that. Hollywood is not exactly famous for its happy marriages. So how is marriage supposed to be? “Hard.” You were told that when you got married. You just didn’t think about it then because you were so “in love.” If you are having difficulties in your relationship, then things are normal. It is what you do with those difficulties that will determine the future of your relationship. If things aren’t hard, great! Just don’t panic if it happens. Remember, just because it is hard doesn’t mean it isn’t “true love,” or isn’t “meant to be.” If it didn’t require sacrifice and effort then it wouldn’t really be love, would it? The love and happiness that comes from working through difficulties is much more rewarding than the kind portrayed in the movies. “You always …” or “You never…” This is a great phrase to use if you enjoy arguing with a brick wall. The second you use absolute language like this your spouse will stop listening to you. If you say, “You never show appreciation,” your spouse will immediately begin thinking of all the times he or she did. When you use this kind of extreme language you know that your emotions are taking the argument away from where it needs to go. Instead, acknowledge his or her efforts and progress, and then explain your feelings. For example, “I love it when you thank me for making dinner. It makes me feel appreciated and shows that you notice what I am doing for our family. It hurts my feelings when you don’t seem to notice my efforts.” (Continued on next page)
April 25, 2012
Five Dumb Things…(Continued) “Maybe we should just end it.” Don’t say the “D” word (divorce). Don’t even imply it. Sometimes when couples are really frustrated and feel that their spouse is not getting it, they use this as a weapon to show that they mean business. Often when it is initially used there is no real intention of actually ending it. It is first used for shock value. What they really want to say is “Hey, I am unhappy and it doesn’t seem like you care!” Once you cross this line, things can spiral out of control. After awhile throwing the “D” word around doesn’t have the same effect it initially did so you may actually talk to a lawyer or get the paper work. Eventually couples may find themselves divorced before they were ever really committed to it. Studies show that most people regret the decision later on. Decide beforehand as a couple to never threaten divorce as a weapon. Regardless of how unromantic such a discussion may be, it is important that you discuss divorce in your relationship and come to an understanding. Discuss what circumstances in marriage should warrant separation (for example, you may commit to making the relationship work unless there is abuse, infidelity, or conditions that create an unsafe environment). Make your own list of when you believe it is okay to discuss divorce, then vow to never bring up or threaten divorce unless one of those criteria is met. “You make me so … (angry, frustrated, depressed, etc).” Quit trying to pawn off responsibility for your emotions on somebody else. For some reason it seems comforting to claim that your unhappiness is the result of what is going on around you and that you can’t control how you feel. But giving away responsibility for your feelings takes away your ability to control them. Your emotions are not an unconditional response to outside events, otherwise everyone would react to events the same. For example, in a sporting event, when one team scores, not every one watching will have the same emotional reaction to it. It is your perception of the event that determines the emotional reaction. So if you want to change your reaction, change the way you think about the event. When your spouse does something that drives you nuts, often it is your fault that it is driving you nuts. Real happiness comes when you learn how to control your thinking and take some control over your emotions. There are many things that bother you in marriage that you must learn to live with by changing your thinking about them.* Other times, when you need to discuss it with your spouse, own your feelings by saying something like, “I feel ________ when you ________, because I think ________.” For example, “I feel hurt when you spend hours watching TV because I think that you don’t want to spend time with me.” *Disclaimer: I am not telling you that you should let your spouse abuse, exploit, or manipulate you and just accept it. I am telling you to pick your battles wisely. Obviously there are limits to what you should put up with. If you aren’t sure whether things in your relationship have crossed those limits, seek advice from people you trust and respect. Now that you have seen things that cause fights, take the time to really focus on how you can use this knowledge to fix, repair or save yourself the stress of unnecessary fights in the future.
April 25, 2012
Base Resource Phone List FLORIDA JACKSONVILLE Fleet and Family Services: Base Gym: Fitness Source: Base Pools: Chaplain:
904-542-2766 904-542-2930 904-542-3518 904-542-2930 904-542-3051 or 904-542-3052
MAYPORT Fleet and Family Services: Surfside Fitness Center: Base Gym: Base Pool: Base Chaplain:
904-270-6600 904-270-7718 904-270-5451 904-270-5425 904-270-5212
GEORGIA KINGS BAY Fleet and Family Service Center: GYM: Pools: Chaplain: Wellness:
912-573-4512 912-573-3990 912-573-3001 912-573-4501 912-573-4237 or
DSN 573-4512 DSN 573-3990 DSN 573-3001 DSN 573-4501 DSN 573-4237 or
ALBANY Marine Corps Community Services (MCCS): Fitness Center: Gymnasium: Base Pool (summers only): NBHC Health Promotion and Wellness Clinic: Semper Fit Health Promotion Coordinator: Chaplains Office:
229-639-5234 229-639-6234 229-639-5246 229-639-5195 229-639-5542 229-639-7935 229-639-5284