together less stable, but it is also more dangerous for children. Children in these relationships, as research has indicated, are more likely to become delinquent, abuse drugs and drop out of school, according to Wilcox’s research. So if we’re going to live together for a period of time, how can I help my children cope and minimize the risks? Wendy Manning and K.A. Lamb at the Population Studies Center at the University of Michigan offer the following information on how to improve outcomes:
Improving Child Outcomes
Growing up in a stable married home with two biological parents appears to be a child’s best bet, statistically
family eating dinner image Monkey Business Images/shutterstock.com
When teens consistently have dinner with their families, they are at lower risk for substance abuse. speaking. However, this arrangement is not always possible. If you are a livingtogether parent, here are some steps you can take to minimize the negative impacts on your child: ● Good parenting: Good parenting is good parenting. While family structure is important, so is the individual character and conduct of all parental figures involved. ● Limiting your child’s exposure: Be sure anyone you bring into your home can be trusted to be a positive influence on your child. A revolving door of live-in boyfriends or girlfriends can be confusing to a child, so limit the number of significant others you bring into your home. This may make it easier for your
child to attach to your partner, if and when you find someone truly worthy of commitment. ● The importance of intent: Marriage or at least the intent to marry can make a difference. There are two types of livingtogether arrangements: those who intend to marry and those who do not. Those who live together with the intention of marrying often share many of the positive characteristics of marriage. By contrast, those who cohabit without intending to marry typically have short relationships with few of these benefits. ● Having dinner together as a family: When teens consistently have dinner with their families, they are at lower risk for substance abuse. When teens have dinner with their
families two or more times a week, they are 2.5 times less likely to smoke cigarettes, 1.5 times less likely to drink alcohol and nearly three times less likely to try marijuana. These basic steps set the stage for your new relationship by inviting participation by both adults to share in responsible parenting. And doing daily things such as
chores, dinners and activities inside and outside of the home will communicate to one and all the importance of commitment to the concept of building a loving, robust and healthy family for one and all to grow, enjoy and thrive within. ✪
Please visit www.ecrh.org for more information and parenting resources.
About the Author
Richard Amiss, DMin, LPC-S, is a counselor at the Ecumenical Center for Religion and Health, where he and his colleagues provide a wide variety of services including outpatient psychotherapy for adults, as well as play therapy for children. Amiss also works with clients on a variety of issues relative to relationships, trauma, personality disorders and spiritual issues, and he is able to provide supervision for interns and graduate students.
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