CHAPTER 1
Hiding is always a good option for a child. Kids learn that leaving and making themselves scarce works. However, what works for kids does not necessarily work for adults. Too often these habits that play havoc in an adult’s life are displayed by an unwillingness to talk through issues. The person may run away, ignore the situation, or completely shut down. They can go from partner-to-partner, job-to-job, friend-to-friend because issues are too overwhelming and difficult to face. They learn someone—like the abuser—is always in control, and thus, they have no rights. Therefore, they disappear. The protection of her little brothers and sister was of great concern to Karen. She felt as though she was responsible to take care of them. Shield them. As a child, Karen, was unable to do much of anything, but she tried desperately. Her mother had her own issues of victimization: “Karen, I made Daddy mad. That’s why he hit me.” Not only did Karen feel a need to look out for her siblings, but also Mom. Sadly, this type of situation can build into an adult the neurotic need to help everyone, rescue them, and make everything alright They can, and often do, try to take care of others while neglecting their own needs, desires, dreams, and life. They are over-giving, too much and too often. Feeling overly responsible for the well-being of others is referred to in psychological circles as enmeshment, taking on another’s issues as your own. It goes far beyond the normalcy of being kind, loving, and caring. hen Karen told her brother she was writing a book on domestic abuse, he opened up and told her his story.
FINALLY ABLE TO SPEAK THE TRUTH RICHARD STOKES
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