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RELATIONSHIPS, PARENTING AND KIDS

IS NOW THE

time TO CREATE A

DIVORCELESS relationship?

WORDS DR DAIN HEER

H

ave you ever gotten into a relationship because you were sure it would make your life better? Then, after a surprisingly short time, you wondered what happened because it definitely wasn’t turning out that way? If you have ever wondered “where did I go?”, “why am I here?”, I have a suggestion for you: learn to create a divorceless relationship instead. What is a divorceless relationship? Quite simply, it’s a relationship in which you don’t have to divorce any part of you in order to make the relationship work. The way it works for most people is that they divorce parts of themselves to be in relationship with another person. In other words, they stop doing the things they love, or they stop hanging out with people they care about because it’s seen as not caring for their partner. Often, we try to make our partner in “intimate” relationship the sole source for everything in our lives. This is not a kindness – to us – or to them. What if something that is nurturing to

you, is also nurturing to your whole relationship? Here are three really simple tools to get you started in the direction of a divorceless relationship. 1. ASK yourself: “What percentage of me have I divorced to be in my current (or most recent) relationship?” Just go for whatever the number is. It’s just to give you awareness. For many people they are surprised at how high the number is. COMMIT TO YOURSELF: Commit to yourself that you are no longer going to divorce you to create a relationship. (By the way, a healthy amount of compromise is fine. You know when compromise has turned into divorcing you when you start to get resentful of the other person or start feeling distant from them.) 2. ASK yourself: “What three things do I love to do that I’ve stopped doing since starting this relationship?” and “What three people do I love being in connection with that I’ve stopped being in connection with since starting this relationship?”

COMMIT to yourself that you are going to start by doing one thing and connect with one of those people within the next week. 3. KEEP ASKING: “How does my relationship get any better than this?” This works to make a “bad” relationship better and it works to make a “good” relationship even better. Most of us never ask this question, so we are stuck with the relationship we have, rather than the better one we would like to have. Now, here comes the trick question! What if you could be that person for you? What if you could be the one person who never asked you to divorce any part of you? What if you stopped divorcing you to fit into other people’s realities? Would your life – and your relationships – get better? Are you ready for that? To stop divorcing you, and step into being you, in totality, as phenomenal as you truly be? drdainheer.com/australia2016/

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| OCTOBER 2016 | Holistic Bliss

16/09/2016 11:48:48 AM

Holistic bliss oct vol 84  
Holistic bliss oct vol 84  

Australia's premier holistic lifestyle magazine created on the Sunshine Coast

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