Marriage Matters

By Daron Brown

As pastors, one of our great privileges is ushering couples through the threshold of a wedding ceremony and into the lifelong rhythm of marriage. However, in recent years, a subtle shift has occurred. The wedding reception has eclipsed the ceremony. The party is now the main event, while the sacred rite is viewed merely as a preamble. This trend mirrors a broader landscape marked by high divorce rates, normalized cohabitation, and a general apathy toward the sanctity of the union. If we are to counter this, we must return to our mandate. The Church of the Nazarene Manual (par. 124.9) charges pastors to “give due care to matters relating to solemnizing marriages.” Giving “due care” requires a robust theology of covenant. In a Christian marriage, the bond between husband and wife embodies and reflects the covenant relationship between God and the people of God. The currency of Christian covenant is self-giving love. Christian covenant is marked by Christ-centeredness, faithfulness, mutuality, and permanence. While our tradition does not regard marriage as a sacrament, it is undeniably sacramental—a means by which we encounter the holy love of God and witness that love to a watching world. As we observe the sacred duty of solemnizing marriages, I propose three practices to help us give due care and promote a healthier understanding of Christian covenant.

1. Prioritize Premarital Counseling

Many couples, hearts aflutter, cannot see past their momentary feelings. They operate with an overly romanticized notion of marriage (thanks, fairy tales and romcoms!). They are not thinking about or talking through topics like, Why marriage? What is Christian marriage? What about religious differences? How do we communicate or handle money or deal with stress? Our Manual (par. 530.1) states that a minister should only solemnize marriages for those “qualified by careful counseling.” Ask the church board to support the pastor by adopting a local policy that requires couples to participate in premarital counseling. Give the policy teeth: The pastor will not give final agreement to officiate the ceremony until premarital counseling is complete. During premarital counseling, teach Christian covenant. Give them good questions. Help them move toward healthy answers. Encourage them to think Christianly about gender roles, parenting, stewardship, conflict resolution, sexuality, and other important topics. Comprehensive premarital counseling resources are available and helpful. Many couples spend untold amounts of time, energy, and money on the wedding day itself (flowers, wardrobe, venue, etc.). Premarital counseling is about every day after the wedding day.

2. Let the Liturgy Speak

The wedding ceremony is not just for the couple; it is a witness to the gathered community. It is an opportunity to declare the mystery and beauty of Christian covenant. Be intentional with the wedding liturgy. In the absence of historically anchored, theologically sound liturgy, people opt for novelty in vows and practices. Personalized vows may be sweet, but they are not sturdy enough to support the weight of Christian covenant. There is no greater expression of Christian covenant than the sacrament of holy communion. Jesus said, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood…” (Luke 22:20). If the couple agrees, open the table, and open the table to all who are willing. Doing so centers the ceremony on Christ, who is our sure foundation.

3. Provide Post-Wedding Presence

Honeymoons end. Reality sets in. Couples begin to realize that marriage does not run on autopilot. Feelings flicker. Stress compounds. Pray for them. Remind them that you are praying for them. Offer to continue meeting. Revisit conversations from premarital counseling sessions. Direct them to resources. Connect them with seasoned couples for marriage mentoring. Your post-wedding presence will resource and reinforce their covenant life.

As broader culture diminishes the sacredness and seriousness of marriage, the Church has the opportunity to offer a beautiful, countercultural witness. Our God is a covenant-making God, and our marriages are meant to be a living icon of the relationship God has with us through Jesus Christ. Pastors, let us give due care to these matters. Because marriage—Christ-centered, covenantal marriage—matters.

Rev. Daron Brown lives and pastors in Waverly, Tennessee, with his wife, Katie, and children, Kendall, Parker, and Macy.