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Est. 2002

Hello again and welcome to this super sunny springtime edition of your Fuddler! As usual you will find lots of local information inside, plenty of fun and nonsense and this month we have a great competition for you too! Please also look carefully ay

Dog Holiday Care Overnight stays and holiday care in our home - a great alternative to kennels. Walks in the local countryside Est 1998 Collection available DAWN SMITH

Tel: 01234 764459 Mobile: 07789 585766

what our advertisers are saying because, you know and we do, that ‘Whatever you are looking for you’ll find it in The Fuddler’! We very much hope you will enjoy the edition and if you decide that you would like to advertise with us our details are on page four. Overnight Stays

Sick PC or laptop? Call the Doc for Hardware & software Diagnosis & treatment


C&R PEST MANAGEMENT x40 Yrs experience xFully Insured xSpecial Rates for OAPS! Wasps, Rats, Mice, Rabbits, Moles, etc Free Estimate 01525 288207 07500 431131

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NEED AN ELECTRICIAN? NIC-EIC Registered All electrical work Testing and Certification Free Estimates AMPTHILL ELECTRICAL SERVICES

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Spring is upon us! Why not spruce up your home with new Windows and Doors to get that ‘spring’ clean feeling? *** No window or glazing job too small. x

10 Year insurance backed guarantee x Free quotations x Est. 1976

Put your trust in a company that has been trading for over 30 years!

   New showroom coming soon! For all your window, doors and conservatory needs call us now or visit our website. Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at

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T.H.E. BEST i i i i i i i i i

Fully Qualified Apprentice Served Established 28 years Experts in all aspects Quality Guaranteed Public Liability Insured Reliable Professional Service Interior & Exterior FREE ESTIMATES

Tel: 01525 280176 Mob: 07759 240 414

‘Carol Rutherford who nearly died from a brain tumour in 2012 and since recovering has spent her time raising money for the brain tumour charity, she was shocked to learn the small amount of funding the government puts into research and support of this condition. In 2013 a fantastic team of friends and family called themselves ' The Greensand Ridge Rovers ' and raised nearly £10,000 walking 48 miles along the Greensands Ridge. All funds went to Brian Tumour UK, so they can continue to help and maintain their groundbreaking research and support people with brain tumours and their families at such a difficult time. This years walk starts 26 / 4 / 14 We are doing a 13 mile ( half marathon ) - starts Leighton Buzzard finishes Segenhoe Church & 26 mile ( Full marathon ) ends at St Marys Church Clophill along the Greensands Ridge Walk. You can follow us or sponsor us on face book @ Greensand RidgeRovers People can also donate on our fund raiser account : We would love people to come along and join in on the walk to help raise as much as we can contact or 07999909982’



Telephone (01908) 375275

Unit 5, Lower Rectory Farm, Great Brickhill, Milton Keynes, Bucks MK17 9AF

Jigsaw Club - not, as many people think somewhere for the good folk of Ampthill to go to do jig-saws but a club providing social needs for people with disabilities from Ampthill and the surrounding areas. The original members chose the name because it was felt that as they were all a mixture of different disabilities, that together they made up a whole - just like a jigsaw puzzle. Members of Jigsaw Club meet at Ampthill Day Care Centre in Oliver Street once a fortnight on Thursdays evenings and enjoy a wide and varied programme of entertainment. The programme for the near future includes April 10th - An Easter Bonnet competition with a visit from the ladies of Ampthill and District Inner Wheel April 24th - Plant a planter - A demonstration by a local gardening expert with the chance for members to plant their own. Jigsaw Club is supported by ‘Friends of Jigsaw Club’ who are the fund raising side of the Club. The Friends aim to raise much needed funds to buy and upkeep the ambulances which transport members to and from the Club and to help with the Club’s general running expenses. If you are interested in learning more about Jigsaw Club or the Friends of Jigsaw Club please contact Mr. Philip Hines (secretary) on 07904953096.

FREE PRESCRIPTION DELIVERY Can’t get to the chemist or surgery? Don’t worry, we’ll pick up your prescription from your surgery and deliver your medication to your door.

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CHEESEMANS PHARMACY OF AMPTHILL Tel: 01525 402173 When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re online too at!

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LORD DEE’S PONDERINGS Recently a good friend and fellow dog walker very kindly bought Duster IV a treat from the local pet shop. I asked perhaps if I could look after said treat until later as I explained that I do not allow Duster IV to eat in the street as it is the epitome of bad manners.

So know you know. Ciao

For everything you need for all types of party - and more ... please have a look at our website to see! or call Zoe on 07794 144601

Across: 1 Pastel, 4 Locate, 7 Panoramic, 9 Told, 10 Near, 11 Saint, 13 Clinch, 14 Tousle, 15 Retort, 17 Violin, 19 Eaten, 20 Daft, 22 Tsar, 23 Facetious, 24 Hasten, 25 Yearly

Down: 1 Poetic, 2 Toad, 3 Loofah, 4 Learnt, 5 Coin, 6 Emerge, 7 Plaintiff, 8 Ceaseless, 11 Scare, 12 Toxin, 15 Radish, 16 Tavern, 17 Verify, 18 Norway, 21 Tact, 22 Tuba

A BRIANISM I never did like playing sport at school - it was just too fast.

“The Fuddler” is published by MDA Publications. The views expressed herein are not necessarily those of the publisher. No part of this publication may be copied in any form or by any means without written permission of the Publisher. Copyright MDA Publications.

Like to book an ad, or ask about our absurdly low rates please ring Martin on

Or if you prefer, drop us an email to

Call in today to view the extensive range of stoves and fireplaces, now including the UK's finest range of woodburning stoves from Clearview Ifyou’vehadastoveinstalledbyusyoumay bedueyourannualSweep&Service

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Stove refurbishment andchimney Tel: 01525 841199 sweptbyour HETAS Mon - Fri: 10am - 5pm engineers SPRINGOFFER Sat: 10am - 4pm £114.00 incVAT Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at

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*Maintenance *Drainage *Driveways *Landscaping *Fencing


Contact: Andi Brackenridge T: 07789 681252 Email:








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19 20



Electrical Contractor Domestic and Industrial Your local Electrical Contractor All types of testing and certification undertaken

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Working with Ampthill Town Council 11 Cedar Close, Ampthill, Bedford, MK45 2UD

Tel & Fax: 01525 714057






Sandra’s been busy again looking through her big book of words (dictionary?) and brings us the word below. (Nothing to do with the crossword.) Just look at the hexagon and see whether or not the word jumps out at you! (Answer at the bottom of the page if it doesn’t!)




Here’s another of Marjorie’s fine crosswords for our entertainment Across: Down: 1 Type of hat (6) 1 Aromatic vegetable (6) 4 Aspect (6) 2 Musical work (4) 7 Estimate (9) 3 Show up (6) 9 Common sense (4) 4 Comprehend (6) 10 Plough (4) 5 Aquatic bird (4) 11 Pry (5) 6 Truly (6) 7 Certified (9) 13 Soothed (6) 8 Horror (9) 14 Powerful (6) 11 Cut (5) 15 Low seat (6) 12 Imp (5) 17 Smoulder (6) 15 Spasm (6) 19 Exploration (5) 16 Ennui (6) 20 Article (4) 17 Fissure (6) 22 Encourage (4) 18 Steering device (6) 23 Ridiculous (9) 21 Muddle (4) 24 Two wheeled carriage (6) 22 Fleshy fruit (4) 25 Mime artist (6)




Pest control at reasonable rates Private gardens, sports fields and public areas One off or ongoing contracts Also wasp management service

Contact 01525 404335 Mobile 07791 024418 Email: Website:

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Notable Dates Easter Sunday 20th April Monthly Dinners “Beltane” Gaelic May Day 1st May A Taste of Italy Tuesday 24th June

Set Menu Lunch Tuesday-Saturday Dinner Tuesday-Thursday One Course £14 Two Course £18 Three Course £21

A la carte menu served Tuesday-Saturday Lunch & Dinner

Set in the heart of Wootton, The Legstraps is a quaint country pub serving modern British food. Just recently we have undergone new management with Paul (Formerly of Earls Restaurant in Ampthill) and Selina joining the team. We look forward to welcoming you whether it is just for a drink in our nice relaxing bar, or to try some of our wonderful Bar snacks: homemade burgers, sandwiches or maybe sit in our beautiful restaurant Bookings are advised at the weekends



Traditional Sunday Lunch Served 12pm-4pm

20 Keeley Lane Wootton Bedford Mk43 9hr 01234 854112 When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re online too at!

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With The Duchess of Troll

… All Sorts of Sheds and Hideaways ... Part 3 The Old blacksmith’s barn in our village was a place of mystery. The open doors meant the blacksmith was working, and therefore children barred … not to cross the threshold – only allowed to watch from a distance. Many years later, a chance came along to visit a disused blacksmith’s barn to buy a small shepherd’s stove. Across the forbidden threshold. My eyes lit up to the interiors secrets.

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07584 903297 handmade so were the wooden handles for hoes, forks, spades, rakes, larger hoeing implements and the so useful seed drill, that by turning a cover in the wooden seed box, different sized seeds could be sown. The onion hoe, just a few inches across, weaved its way through miles of rows of onions, growing in East Bedfordshire….a perfect tool which just needed sharpening now and again. Later on, a larger hoeing machine that a man pushed forward working the fields of onions, peas, runner beans and potatoes. No sea miles across the world – just a few steps to your village blacksmith. You

On looking up to the heavily beamed roof, which seemed to go on for ever with its bat droppings and cobwebs everywhere, not a spare inch of space was wasted. Hanging down from the handmade chains – iron fencing gates, household tools and numerous old farm implements, such as, wood saws, harrowing tools and ploughing blades. The beamed walls covered in ‘work in progress’ and finished work hanging from handmade nails. The floor was littered with larger farm implements waiting to be painted- unfinished. The now empty fireplaces and rotten bellows stood forlorn. Not only were the metal parts

asked … he made …you paid and collected. Once experienced never forgotten; The smell of the fire, the smell of the sweat of burning hoof as the horse was shod for new shoes; the noise of the bellows, majestic that stood besides the fire keeping the flame at the correct temperature as the air pumped and hissed between the ambers; the clanking of hammer topping the shape into the metal and the echo tapping on the anvil to maintain the rhythm of the arm and movement of the work. Watching from the farmyard in wonderment and awe … long, long ago. DOT


Traditional Country Village Pub and Restaurant Springisfinallywithusandwehavejusthadthecoldestnightofthewinter! IanisbusyinthegardenmakingeverythingreadyfortheEasterBankHolidayandthelovely sunnyweatherweareallhopingfor. 

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Mondayis'PigRoast'inthegarden. Threeroastmeatscookedonthemachinewithallthetimingsandservedwithrollsandsalads. Alwaysawinner!12.00Ͳ4.00pm 


THE JOLLY COOPERS, WARDHEDGES, FLITTON, BEDS TEL: 01525 860626 Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at

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Saturday 10th May Evening performance Doors open 6.15pm Show starts at 7.00pm

Matinee performance Doors open 1.15pm Show starts at 2.00pm

Parkside Hall, Woburn St, Ampthill Email:

With a fully licensed bar and snack kiosk, the Ampthill Communty Cinema brings back the golden days of cinema. Join us on Join our newsletter at Advance tickets on sale from Waitrose.

Children £3.00 Adults £5.00 When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re online too at!

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D. Hymus Carpentry

All types of Carpentry & Joinery undertaken including, Doors, Locks, Skirting, Kitchens, Laminate/Real wood flooring, Fencing and Decking, also Ceramic wall/floor tiling. Fully insured qualified tradesman Please call Dan on 01525 636230 Mob 07794 004037 For a competitive quote.

Times to suit you. 1st assessment FREE 45 mins lessons ALL AGES For further information contact

Guy on 07811 364 328

With Jimmy The Voice This month JTV has sent us this lovely arrangement of Easter eggs. But he reckons he has hidden an invisible cube in the picture ...

APRIL 3rd Hiya Sis ... ... on your 60th!! By Julio Van Peebles 1) Why has anything brand new got anything to with spanking? 2) Has anyone ever been called Colin Lyon? 3) Does anyone speak Esperanto? 4) Who remembers 77 Sunset Strip? 5) Why do some people call Poland 'Poleland? Julio’s Useless Fact: Did you know that on the 12th March 2004 it snowed !!?

... however, we don’t think it’s invisible at all as we think we can see it! But ... what do you think?

Happy Birthday to Bob for 8th April

Birthday greetings to Roger for the 7th April

Birthday Greetings to Katy for the 16th April

A BIG Happy Birthday to Lanie for the 27th April

Lots of love ... me xxx

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AmpthillMOTCentrehaveafullyfeaturedClassIVMOTtestingbay.Welaunchedtheserviceinearly2009, servingHerts,BedsandBucks.FullyqualifiedMOTinspectorsareavailableforcarsandsmallvans,withover 40yearsexperience.Authorisedvehicletestingstationapprovedbythevehicleinspectorate. At Ampthill MOT Centre, we carry out servicing and repairstoallmakesandmodels.Toprolongthelifeof your vehicle it is important that you have it serviced regularly. We service all vehicle types and models, including cars, vans, miniͲcoaches & small plant / equipment.Ifyouhaveyourvehicleservicedwithus,it will not invalidate the manufacturer's warranty. Competitiverates.



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For all your interior and exterior decorating requirements. City & Guilds qualified. Professional, clean, reliable and friendly service. Fully insured. For a free competitive quotation please call Paul

01525 404645 or Mobile 07747 755943

Babs decided to take a weekend break at a farm. She wasn’t expecting many visitors and was pleased when a friend of hers went to see her. When the friend arrived she was astonished to see Babs standing as stiff as a board in the cow pasture. ‘What on earth are you doing’ called the friend. ‘Trying to win the Nobel peace prize’ Babs replied. ‘OK, but why are you in the paddock?’ asked the friend. ‘I was reading the newspaper and it said all you had to do to win the Nobel peace prize was to be outstanding in your field.’ Babs replied, sensibly.

Building Preservation Specialists x

Damp Proofing


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Basement Waterproofing

Telephone/Fax (01525) 406655 Mobile: 07850 727752 email:

16 Tavistock Avenue, Ampthill, Bedford. MK45 2RY

Solving other people’s problems is easy. The only person I can’t seem to figure out is myself. Life is like a tin of sardines - we are all just looking for the key. I realise that reliability is very important. But so is my need to remain an enigma. If you really want to worry him, why not send him flowers once in a while. You realise you are getting out of shape when you can’t pull the supermarket shopping trolleys apart. The only thing that remains unsolved is the answer to the problem. My friend’s husband is so silly that he thinks that eating a balanced diet is leaving the crusts on his egg soldiers. If you suffer from low self esteem, remember that everyone is better than someone else. Anti ageing creams are a triumph of hope over experience. I would never say boo to a goose. I am not a coward but I realise it would be largely pointless. If the shoe fits get another one just like it.

Garage Door Solutions Ltd Your local garage door expert for:

Replacements, Repairs and Spares xAll makes & designs available x24 Hour repair service xNo call out charge xAll work guaranteed xFree quotations Call us now on: 01525 721615 / 07761 093468 Website: Or see the yellow pages

1. What is a ‘Harmattan’? 2. In which year was the siege of Khartoum? 3. A ‘Pit’ is the collective term for which creature? 4. Where in the US is a town called ‘Experiment’? 5. Where would you find ‘The Calcaneus’? 6. What is a ‘Polypody’? 7. If you suffered from ‘Pediculophobia’, what would you fear? 8. Who created ‘Lord Peter Wimsey’? 9. Where would you find ‘Daniel Quilp’? 10.In which year was ‘No Woman, No Cry’ written? 1 Wind, 2 1885, 3 Snake, 4 Georgia, 5 Heel bone, 6 Fern, 7 Lice, 8 Dorothy L Sayers, 9 The Old Curiosity Shop, 10 1975

Painting and Decorating


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When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re online too at!

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Once again thanks to you all for the wonderful photos you have kindly sent to us! On the left here is Jen (AKA Howdo Bean) with her Fuddler outside the Bulldog Coffee Shop/ex Police Station in Amsterdam, and below is Mike with his copy at Copacabana Beach, Australia! If you have any pictures of a Fuddler being read away from home please send them in to

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 It’s that time of year when I go quackers, But don’t worry I won’t be out dancing shaking my maracas. It’s coming up to that time of year, When Easter will soon be here, And as you all know the egg words will begin I’m sorry but please don’t dump my rhyme in the bin. So let me tell you what’s going on Sorry Mr Fuddler I’ll try not to make it too long. As you will see when you walk through our door Our eggs-cellent egg range and this year we’ve been sent in so much more. With Easter eggs starting from just a pound It’s a great eggs-ample of the great deals that can be found. Also with our Easter toys and gifts out on display, With egg-citing ideas for you all to take away. I’m not eggs-aggerating about our eggs-traodinary deals that can be found, Just call in and have a good look around. And other news. With the recent warm weather we put the ice-creams out on display And as soon as we did the sun went away. (Just my luck) But we do have Cornettos for just one pound, Now they gotta be the cheapest price I’ve found. And do you remember those funny feet That foot shaped ice cream that we all loved to eat. Well they have brought them back out and are ready to buy, Just for the old times sake; you must come and give them a try. I think that’s about from me on this nice sunny day But it just leaves me with one thing to say. HAPPY EASTER from as all And if there’s anything you need just give us a call MARTINS NEWSAGENT 17 CHURCH STREET AMPTHILL 01525 404096.

5VGRJGPŐU 2NCPVU at Maulden Garden Centre on the A507 bypass (near A6 / Clophill)

for your Seasonal and hardy plants

Vegetable seeds and plants Hanging baskets and tubs plus composts and fertilisers all with EXPERT ADVICE


Telephone: 01525 861696

The Traditional Association of Shotokan Karate Do you want a life changing experience? Learn the fascinating art of Shotokan Karate. Improve confidence - self esteem - lose weight and get fit! Age is no barrier to the practice of Shotokan Karate. 6yrs – 70yrs you train to your own ability. Beginners classes every Monday and Wednesday Mondays (Flitwick Dojo). 6.00 – 7.00pm Main Hall, Flitwick Leisure Centre, Steppingley Rd, Flitwick. MK45 1TH Contact: Sensei B. Cross: 01525 750149 or 07757509939

Wednesday’s (Haynes West End Dojo). 7.30 – 8.30pm. The Sophie May Dance Studio, West End Farm, Haynes West End, Beds MK45 3RA. Contact: Sensei S. Protopapas: 01525 713000 or 07504974831

Six week beginners course (includes 2 free lessons) Juniors (under 14yrs) £17.00. Adults (14yrs & over) £21.00 Normal training fees: Juniors £4.50/session Adults £5.50 per/session


Independent Financial Advisers

Fiona is friendly, caring and very knowledgeable about financial matters, especially tax planning. She listens to what your needs are and will give you appropriate advice tailor-made to your circumstances. I have recommended her on several occasions and always received positive feedback. Mrs E M, Beds

Call to arrange a free initial meeting

01525 450037

The Old Forge, 39A Woburn Street, Ampthill, Bedfordshire MK45 2HX Fiona Gray Financial Planning Limited is an appointed representative of Caliber Financial Associates Limited, which is authorised and regulated by the Financial Conduct Authority

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re online too at!

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36 Dunstable Street, Ampthill Telephone 01525 634857 1500+ Ales from April 2010 THE PERMANENT BEER FEST SOUTH BEDS CAMRA PUB OF THE YEAR 2014 10th - 13th April It’s our 4th Birthday BEER, CIDER & SAUSAGE FEST 10 real ales, 8 real ciders and bespoke sausages!

Sunday - May the 4th

(May the force!)

ISSIE’S STAR WARS THEMED BIRTHDAY PARTY AT THE ALBION! Dress up, come along and have fun celebrating her 40th! CAMRA BEDS PUB OF THE YEAR 2013 OUR OTHER PUBS ARE: The Globe, Winfield Street, Dunstable (Bedfordshire Pub of the year 2010) - Tel: 01582 512300 The Wellington Arms, Wellington Street, Bedford (North Beds Pub of the year 2010) - Tel: 01234 308033 The Elm Tree, Orchard Street, Cambridge - Tel: 01223 502632 The Brewery Tap, North Bridge Street, Shefford - Tel: 01462 628448 Seven Stars, Albert Square, Rugby, CV21 2SH - Tel: 01788 561402 Bricklayers Arms, 29 Queen Street, Hitchin, SG4 9TP - Tel: 01462 815080

Yes -the Frog Racing Night is back by popular demand, raising money for Ampthill Festival Gala Day. Those of you who have been before will know what a great night it is …. and the frogs are just pretend! Those of you who enjoy a little flutter can bet on each race and/or buy a frog for just £1 (with a 1 in 8 chance of winning £5!) All will be explained on the night! Tickets are £8.50 which includes a light buffet and as there is no licensed bar please bring your own favourite tipple. **Those of you with local businesses have a great opportunity to promote your business on the night by sponsoring a race for £25 or a table for just £10. The event is at Parkside Hall and starts promptly at 7.30. To get your tickets just pop into either Fairies ‘n’ Frogs or The Stationery Boutique, both in town. Any queries or questions about the event itself or how you can promote your business with some sponsorship just give Belinda (07880 734148) or Jill (07840 932930) a ring. **Remember Festival Dates for your Diaries: AmpRocks Friday 4th July; Proms in the Park Saturday 5th July, Gala Day 6th July. We also have a very warm welcome for any volunteers who want to help with all or any of the above. Contact Mark Tiana at and keep checking our website on Happy Birthday ‘Hayleyweeney’ for the 26th April!

Love from everyone!

Happy Birthday to Peter for the 15th April, from your younger brother!

T Butlin Building and Plastering Est 1987

26 years in business For your extensions, renovations, alterations, Upvc fascias / soffitts, guttering, block paving and all plastering including artex ceilings and walls plastered back to flat. Tel: 01525 405670 / Mob: 07778 680393

Also offering: Impressions Female decorators All aspects of painting and decorating. With female finesse to make the most of your home Tel 01234 751282 or 01525 405670 / Mob: 07944 710179

Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at

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When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re online too at!

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The Wingfield Club Ltd A Private Members Club Affiliated to the CIU

37 Church Street Ampthill MK45 2PL Office: 01525 841736 Open 0900 to 12.30 We'reacrosstheroadfromStAndrew'sChurch andwehavealargefreecarparkformembers andtheirguests.Wealsohireroomsfor Weddings,Birthdays,ChristeningsandWakes andsupportlocalcharities. 

WeinviteyoutopopinthisApril2014andhave alook.Ifyoulikewhatyouseepleaseaskforan applicationformtocomplete.Theannual membershipfeeis£10.00plus£3.50forC.I.U card.Askatthebarfordetails. 


CHEAPESTBARINTHEAMPTHILLAREA Ͳcompareourprices Automaticinvitationtoalloursocialfunctions pluspreferentialratesforhiringrooms. 


PROBABLYTHEBEST POOLTABLEAROUND! Wehave4realales alwaysavailable


OldRosiedraughtcider £3.40apint Guinness















Planning for the 2014 switch-on of the town's much-admired colourful seasonal attraction has already started. Aiming to raise £5500 annually, two fundraising events have been confirmed with more to follow. Teams of up to four persons are invited to register for our QUIZ NIGHT to be held on Friday April 25th. at The Cross Keys, Pulloxhill 7.30 for an 8 p.m. start. The cost is £10 per person which includes a choice of hot supper (lasagne, bangers and mash, or vegetarian option.). Contact Phil on 07904953096 evenings and weekends, or Donna on 01525 844171 daytime to register. Please also note that our popular FUN RACE NIGHT suitable for all the family - takes place at Parkside Hall on Saturday October 18th. Further details about tickets and sponsorship opportunities to follow. Would you like to be involved with The Friends of Ampthill's Christmas Lights as a committee member - about five meetings a year, - to assist with our fundraising efforts, or to help on Switch-On Sunday then please get in touch with Richard Holden (Chairman) on 01525 403141.

Friday 16th May sees a ‘Pamper/Shopping Evening’ to be held at Flitwick Lower School, Temple Way, Flitwick. The event starts at 7.30pm and is an opportunity for a great Girls’ night out with pampering/beauty treatments and shopping. The entrance fee is £5.00. and you are invited to bring your own drinks. To pre-book your tickets or for more information please call Debbie on 07752 390 829. Ampthill & District Inner Wheel are holding a charity fashion show by Beales of Bedford on Friday May 16th at Parkside Hall, Ampthill at 7.00pm. Proceeds to Medicins Sans Frontieres and other Inner Wheel Charities. Stalls include handbags, makeup and jewellery. Tickets are £7.00, including a glass of wine, from 01525 754516 or at the door. Ampthill and District Choral Society, with invited soloists, will be performing Samson by Handel on Saturday May 17 at 7.30pm at Ampthill Methodist Church Dunstable Street Ampthill. Tickets on the door £7. All welcome. For more information contact June Lockley 01525 404238 or Penny Stimson 01234 357750.

Fortnightly walks are held in and around Ampthill. If you need to get more active these short led walks could be just for you. You walk at your own pace in a friendly group and the walks last about an hour (there are some hills). It’s all free just turn up. Next walks - all start at 10.00am: 11th April 25th April 9th May

Woburn, car park opp Church Maulden Woods, A6 layby Houghton House car park

For further information please contact: Lynda on 01234 740788 or at or Dennis on 07508 827279 or at Or see

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Page 18


Don’t forget the famous Woburn Farmers Market is on Sunday the 20th April and is held on the Pitchings in Woburn from 10.00am - 2.00pm. You are welcome to come and peruse a great variety of fresh produce!

Happy Birthday Rocketman for the 9th April

With The Imp

And that’s the darn thing of it!

with Auntie Vi Sometimes it takes longer to rest than to get tired.

Happy Birthday Martin B. for the 22nd

1.‘You look like a rodeo.’ 2.‘The date stone on the building might have been when it was built.’ 3.‘Come on then - I’ve got the bit between my feet.’ 4.‘We went to different schools together.’ 5.‘It was in Tuscany but I can’t remember for the life of me where it was.’ 6.‘I can use a roller brush.’

Market Place, Woburn, Beds. MK17 9PZ Open Tues to Fri 10am until 5.30pm, 11am until 5.30pm Sunday

PS We’re always looking to buy as well Happy Birthday to ‘Fenny’ for the 4th April!

7.‘That fell on stony ears.’ 8.‘I’m so stressed even my eyebrows are tense.’ 9.‘If I drive somewhere, it’s part of getting there. 10.‘My mother was so tight she used a fork in the sugar bowl.’ 11.‘It’s rare that you get a heavy drought.’ 12.‘I’ve got all the vinyl on vinyl.’ Thanks again Imp

Happy Birthday to ‘The Mouse’ for the 27th April!

Happy Birthday to Doris ‘The Naiad’ for the 4th April!! Love from everybody! xxx Note to reader: Sorry about the e’s! I am now trying a story with no x’s! Eunice Swarbrick

Here’s a bit more mischief that a kind reader has sent in:

If it were 2 hours later, it would be ½ as long until midnight as it would be if it was an hour later. What time is it now?

Answer below

Tel: 01234 862372 Mobile: 07771 644668 Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at

9.00 pm

Happy Birthday Choc for 5th April!

Don’t forget Town Hall Antiques in Woburn. Silver, jewellery, porcelain, pictures and much more. 01525 290950.

Page 19

Here we bring you the conclusion of this delightful story:

THE RING By Magnus Cowell

I made the arrangements for Thursday and told Julie as soon as I got home. She was flustered, both excited and nervous, and although I could understand the excitement, the nervousness had me baffled. At last, after what seemed an age, Thursday arrived and with it the advent (it’s the only word I can think of to describe it) of Malcolm Percival. He was ceremoniously seated in the lounge, given tea and cakes, and then Julie began. She had, let me add, been extremely evasive up to this point, but as soon as he had finished the tea she began to expound. She told him how she had found the ring and laid it out for his inspection on the small table. Malcolm Percival looked at the ring for about thirty seconds and then he looked directly at my wife. The first thing he said was, “Do you mind if I call you Julie?” My wife almost visibly melted, and not for the first time I wondered: what is it with some men that they have a natural affinity with what women like. Most of us never acquire it and we resent bitterly those who do. That, however, is by the by. Julie said yes, of course, and he continued. “Gold is a very soft metal. If it is buried in the ground it is subject to all manner of changes: the movements of the earth, the depredations of small animals and the changes of the seasons. Over time a ring lost in a garden would show signs of having been in the ground for a good many years. This ring, however,” and he picked it up to show us, “is perfect and unblemished. It could not have been buried for the best part of thirty years and remain in the condition it now appears to be in. Julie, I think I can say without fear of contradiction that you have a heart of gold. You went out of your way to try to bring happiness to my wife and myself by buying a cheap ring and pretending that it was the one we lost. Is that correct?” Julie nodded, blushing furiously. He went on: “I thank you for your kindness and your sentiment. However, there are other considerations to be taken into account. You have both seen my wife, Marianne. I wonder if you can imagine how she would feel wearing a wedding ring so obviously cheap and so obviously bought because there was no alternative available.” Personally I could imagine very well what Marianne’s views would be on the subject, but I said nothing. Malcolm Percival reached into his waistcoat pocket and pulled out a piece of tissue paper. He unfolded it and laid it down on the table a small, cheap gold wedding ring. “I found it the morning after we had the great argument,” he said. “I knew at that time that Marianne would never be happy to wear it and so I never told her. Please do not misunderstand me,” he said. “I know that Marianne loves me dearly, and she has been an excellent wife for many years, but this ring is simply not the kind of token of that life that she would be happy to wear.” He stood up and on his face was a wistful smile that, despite my rather cynical approach to life, I could not help but respond to. “I hope you will allow us to visit you later this year,” he said, “to search for the ring.”


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If you would like an advertisement in The Fuddler please ring Martin on 01525 841434 to reserve your space!


When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re online too at!

Page 20

Now would be the perfect time to book your advertisement in our next edition! Please ring Martin on 01525 841434 to reserve your space or for more details! With Admiral Meethegate

A three part serial about a moment of terror on the A303. Part three:'He's on the phone. I'm sure that's not right and he's waving his arms about. Perhaps he's talking to the lady with a second cousin in Flitwick.' I nod, feeling cold sweat breaking loose between the shoulder blades. 'Ah, he's put the phone down, that's better.' Whatever passed between him and the nice lady with a second cousin in Flitwick he is not over pleased to see our Ford Fusion literally at his feet and expresses whatever he is feeling with a mighty blast

on the horn. It's as if a bell has rung for the second round. Dropping back, surging up to our bumper, bull roaring, engine roaring and to make it more personal he now leans out of the window and swears horribly to the rhythmic beat of his fist on the outside of his door. But then, just as I'm braced for another testosterone loaded charge, a lay-by opens up beside us and we scuttle in like a frightened rabbit leaving our fellow traveller to continue Eastwards roaring with frustration. We pause for a bite to eat and a cup of tea from Nanny's Thermos while I stand by the car, a cool breeze drying my shirt until I feel able to rejoin the fray. Perhaps ten, maybe fifteen

miles further on we see blue flashing lights ahead. Our lorry is parked in a lay-by and a policeman is escorting the driver towards his vehicle while his colleague inspects the lorry. Nanny shuts her book and looks thoughtful. 'May I use your phone again? I'm sure they have received several complaints but I really do think they ought to check his phone, they can do that can't they?' I pass the phone across without enthusiasm, I've had enough, I want to go home and in the absence of rage I yearn for peace, understanding and forgiveness. It would seem that Nanny Willshaw never gets excited or angry but she does get even: And how! Admiral Meethegate

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JO For 17th April Love from all your friends!!

Oh, and me! J x ‘The horses of hope run fast but the asses of experience amble thoughtfully’

Helloooooooo Howie And a very Happy Birthday for 6th April ‘Youngster’!!

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Page 21

Continued from last month: In the dark all four boarded the small tender. The motor spluttered into life and we set off into the inky blackness. By using the lights from the two pubs we knew roughly where the boat was moored and spent some time motoring around in the dark. A shape loomed up in front of us - a boat! We groped our way round to the boat’s stern and with the aid of a cigarette lighter read the name. Not ours. Eventually we found the correct craft and climbed aboard. Soon we were lulled to sleep by the gentle rocking motion of the boat, the creaking timbers being our lullaby. Why do all boats have creaking timbers, even when built of fibre glass? The return trip was a joy. A broad reach led to a very pleasant, and quite rapid, sail home. The experience led to our noble captain changing career and plying his trade at sea for several years and for another member of the crew to buy his own boat. Some thirty five years later we decided to repeat the adventure. We were older, wiser and heavier than before, indeed that small tender would have stood no chance! One thing remained constant however, our skipper was still sick over the side of the boat, but I think the copious amount of beer he consumed rather than no sealegs was the reason. P.S. The Fuddler has a wonderful new column. I refer to the excellent ‘Briars and Brogues’. Witty and informative congratulations to all involved. One piece of criticism, however. It appears that the reporters imbibed upon Becks, a lager. Surely a real ale or flagon of mead would be more in keeping with the overall ambience. • ‘Briars and Brogues’ hope to be back next month

Tel: 01525 403319 email: Engine & Tender - Bar

LIVE MUSIC Thursday 10th April

‘BIG IN BRAZIL’ MONTHLY MEAT RAFFLE £1.00 per ticket - lots of prizes


Homemade food served in a friendly and relaxed atmosphere


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BBQ’S ARE HERE AGAIN! Join us for the 1st BBQ of the season on Easter Monday April 21st!!

ALL LIVE SPORTS SHOWN If it’s on - it’s on here!! QUIZ NIGHT

Sunday 27th April Cash Prizes!

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re online too at!

Page 22


24 HR CALLOUT AVAILABLE All electrical work undertaken email: ROCKET’S SECOND “GRAND TOUR” ON A B.M.W. MOTOR CYCLE Continued from last month: Day 4 Thursday 5th July 2012 After breakfast I pack up and go down to reception, the desk is empty so I go and pack the bike up instead, outside packing are the three motorcyclists, very friendly bunch, we had a long talk about various motorcycles one of them had a BMW like mine so there was plenty of fuel for conversation. I had thoughts of investing in a newer GS so I had a sit on one of their bikes and comfortable it was too, but very heavy. I think I will stick to my nice light dependable, simple old GS. I

said my goodbyes and went to see if there was anyone at reception, there was, so I returned the key and paid a reasonable 38.10 euro’s (that’s for the whole room so if I had wanted to share with two people it would have been a third of that) and enquired about any guided tours. “Yes one has just started in the court yard, GO NOW!” so off I marched, I joined the back of a group and immediately the guide stopped talking and all eyes were on me, “have you paid!” she said “err no, how much is it?” “30 euro’s” she barked at me “I have to be off soon thanks anyway” and off I went for my own free tour, I found the museum and it looked free so I had a wander round that instead, It is a very interesting place and the

ingenuity of the prisoners escape attempts was astonishing! They made German army uniforms out of blankets, forging German papers so If they got stopped they had the right documents and famously they managed to build a whole glider to fly out of the castle right under the Germans noses, the war ended and they never got to try it out but recent reconstructions show that it would have actually worked! This place has hundreds of stories concerning escape attempts and in the end it was quite a game to the Germans. On most foiled escape attempts they got the prisoners to act out how they did it for the guard’s entertainment! One which is quite amusing is one prisoner put on one of the

uniforms they made complete with all badges, insignia, belt buckle and a carved wooden mock up gun and simply joined the guards wandering around and walked straight out of the gate! His attempt was foiled when a German guard said “hello” and he couldn’t and didn’t answer him! I’ve finished looking at the museum and have a look round the gift shop the lady asked me behind the counter if I would like admission to the museum! I didn’t have the heart to tell her I had already been round the museum! So to make up I bought a Colditz T shirt and guide book from there, after taking some more photos I jump on the bike and head down to Dresden. ... to be continued

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Page 23

MEERKAT GOES WALKABOUT TO THE RIDGMONT STATION TEA ROOM….. A few weeks ago Meerkat stopped off at the Ridgmont Station Tea Rooms. She had been told it was a place to visit. What a treat. From the tea room she could look out onto the station itself. There is a little area, where on a lovely summer day she would be able to sit outside. The whole place was so atmospheric and the welcome - very warming. Meerkat thought to herself …… ‘had Celia Johnson and Trevor Howard walked in (‘Brief Encounter’ fame) and sat down they would not have been out of place’ Meerkat enjoyed a cup of coffee and a slice of delicious home made cake. There were lots of other freshly made foods on the menu and cream teas are a specialty …… something to look forward to on the next visit. The tea room itself is beautifully decorated and set out. Delicate quintessential memorabilia which adorn the room gives that wonderful restful feeling …. whisks one away to restore the soul ….. and we all need restoring every now and again. Of course being a ‘one time’ busy station one would expect to see a train or two. The Bedford to Bletchley train stops every hour. Of course that train being modern, it more or less glided into the station that afternoon. If one was deep in conversation or a book one might not even notice. It certainly would not disturb. More fascinating was a goods train that passed through – it musically ‘rumbled’ through and that rumble echoed across the tea room floor; not in a menacing way - no – it bought the tea room alive and gave Meerkat a momentary glimpse into its former life. Meerkat suggests you pay a visit ……. you won’t be disappointed. Also from 8th April, there will be tours around the station to enjoy its history…. Meerkat was lucky the day she visited because a young lady was being shown round before joining the volunteers team and Meerkat was invited to ‘tag along’ and being naturally nosey and not one to miss an opportunity Meerkat tagged along ……. and was fascinated. If any of you, the reader, have any memories about Ridgmont station please contact Stephen Sleight – Marston Vale Community Rail Partnership Officer - because all history connected with the station is important. (01234)832645 or

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When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re online too at!

Page 24

With Archie Fairweather & the Photographer's Assistant

You have a chance to win £50.00 worth of vouchers to spend with any advertiser in this edition! All you have to do is to identify these Churches and where they are, then email your answer to or if

you don’t have email write down your answers on a postcard and drop it into Martins Newsagents at Church Street Ampthill. Closing date is 30th April and the winner will be the 1st of the correct answers drawn on May 1st.









As you may remember, nobody won the Christmas competition so I was asked to arrange one for Easter. So, here it is! We have been out and about in Fuddlerland taking photographs of some of the glorious Churches!


Don’t forget to leave your contact details! Please remember the editor’s decision is final and no correspondence can be entered into. I hope you have as much fun with the competition as we did!










Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at

Page 25

With Lauren Louella Boughalls Hello everyone once again. Firstly very many thanks to everybody who had a go at identifying last month’s poser! Congratulations to Win, Brian, Robbie, Roy, Jennifer and everyone else who correctly identified the picture as the shelter in Tingrith. This month we have once again been travelling around in the villages of Fuddlerland and have come across this idyllic pastoral scene. But do you recognise it and where it could be?

WHAT’S ON AT THE QUEENS... ... In addition to the wall to wall conversations interspersed with a little light banter, we are pleased to offer ...

QUIZ NIGHT EVERY WEDNESDAY Our highly popular quiz is every Wednesday starting at 8.00pm sharp. Come and test your knowledge with our guest Quizmasters - everyone welcome.


If you think you know drop us an email to Answer next month!

A truly sumptuous array of bar snacks and nibbles for you to enjoy with your drinks ... with Richard’s compliments

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VINYL NIGHT EVERY THURSDAY Starting at 8.00pm you are invited to bring along your old vinyl records to play, or simply come along and enjoy the music!

Plus ... IMPROMPTU MUSIC NIGHTS With talented local artistes

LOTS OF OTHER STUFF TOO! You never know what is going to happen!

SUNNY WEST TERRACE All spruced up and ready for you to sit in the afternoon’s sunshine!

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Page 26

Here we delve more into the whimsical, wacky and interesting world of Montgolfier:

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Last year I went to the most remote part of the UK - a small island. It has a new school costing £1 million. There is just one pupil and one teacher who happens to be his mother. Population about 30. Christmas day is celebrated on January 6th and New Year’s Day on January 1th. Missed shots? I went to our local golf club for one of their super meals. Whilst there I counted the golf balls on the flat roof section - there were 17. Remember that a clock that has stopped is right twice a day. One which is either slow or fast is never right. With all the saturated fields and a lot of them flooded I wondered how moles survive, or don’t they? We do have one mole on top of our garage roof but the garage is underground with a foot of soil on top and is turfed. Sign on the back of a real sporty car: 0 to 60 eventually. I got the yard broom out the other day and gave our paving slabs a good scrub. I thought it would be good practise in case I’m in the next Olympic Curling team. A lad was telling us how he used to work in a coal mine. Then someone asked what type of lighting they used. He replied that he didn’t know as he only did the day shift. On altering the clock I didn’t meet anyone who forgot to put it forward one hour but I did meet one person who put hers back one hour. A man whose home was struck by lightning received only minor injuries but was taken to hospital suffering from severe shock. (They were probably right.)

Happy Birthday ‘Tinky Winky’ for the 20th!

Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at

Page 27

G. LAWSON FLOORING (Based in Ampthill) All types of flooring undertaken including CARPETS / WOODS AND LAMINATES KARNDEAN / VINYLS (Including wet rooms) CERAMICS AND NATURAL STONE Supply and fit or fit only service available

Tel: 07595 474675 Confessions of a Dog Walker Episode 3: Mammoth Man’s Best Friend ....cont’d from last month

Gladstone turned out to be a 6yr old English bulldog, a quite grumpy but adorable, muscular strong dog with wrinkly skin. He had short fat legs and a big round tummy, did not need much exercise and he slobbered and drooled a lot. Before you lot say anything about “dogs resembling their owners” remember I was just walking him, but yes there could be a couple of characteristics we have in common, and if I was ever to get a dog myself I would get a similar model.


One part of Gladstone’s behaviour that was greatly appealing was that he was completely reluctant to participate in other, sometimes annoying and seemingly pointless canine activities that other members of his subspecies indulge in. For example he was entirely uninterested in chasing after sticks, balls and other ‘doggie’ projectiles. He never ran around madly chasing his tail, rolling about madly in muddy wet puddles and would simply walk past other dog’s deposits without having the need to smell them constantly. Gladstone was also completely disinterested in other dogs, he would not bark or growl at them, unless one got too close to his never regions with their nose of course, and then he would just turn and give the










CALL 24/7 FOR A FREE QUOTE OR ADVICE TELEPHONE: 01525 718432 / 07432679405 offender one of his stares, invariably the other dog would run off sheepishly as if in some way aware that his or her actions were not appropriate behaviour. Once we got to the park, yes we were still here in Paddington Green, I would let him off the lead, he did not really require one anyway as he was not going to run away anywhere and we would just take a slow walk round the circuit. I did occasionally meet up with Leonora, but the downside of Gladstone was that he was very slow, and so of course other dog walkers would be going at a much faster than , Leonora included. Rolly, Gladstone’s owner was a freelance writer and for some reason could not walk him during the day, I guess it would take too long with

Gladstone’s reluctance to go into a gentle trot and interfere with his writing. So I got to walk him twice a day during the week, Rolly’s partner Jeremy, came to stay at weekends and would take up the dog walking duties. During the 2 months I walked Gladstone I was invited to several garden parties hosted by Rolly and Jez, as I was now encouraged to call Jeremy. I met the Patsy lookalike, Annie there a couple of times and she even tried to get myself and one of her friends, Helen, together ...... but that is another story. I really enjoyed my time with Gladstone but all good things must come to an end. ‘Laziness can be considered a virtue if people consider you cute enough’


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Page 28

Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at

The Fuddler April 2014  
The Fuddler April 2014  

A free, lighthearted publication from Ampthill, UK