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C&R PEST MANAGEMENT x40 Yrs experience xFully Insured xSpecial Rates for OAPS! Wasps, Rats, Mice, Rabbits, Moles, etc Free Estimate 01525 288207 07500 431131

Hello again everyone and as always a great big welcome to yet another edition of your Fuddler! There’s lots of local information inside plus all the usual fun and nonsense and please do take time to carefully look at what our advertisers are saying

because as we all know by now - ‘Whatever you are looking for - you’ll find it in The Fuddler!’ If you decide that you too would like to advertise with us you will find all of our contact details on page four of each issue. See you all for Christmas!

NEED A LOCKSMITH? Please turn to our ad on page 30

Plus - All aspects of home security

D & G SHORT x x x x

Bio Sculpture Gel Nails & Pedicures

Brush and vac service Bird guard installation Nest removal Blockage removal

NEED AN ELECTRICIAN? NIC-EIC Registered All electrical work Testing and Certification Free Estimates AMPTHILL ELECTRICAL SERVICES

Great service • Great prices

01525 860424 07858 688785

117 Clophill Rd. Maulden 01525 860688

01525 632921 07977173452

Sharman Law S O L I C I T O R S Incorporating Sharman & Trethewy

The Solicitors who care for you, your family and your business 88 Dunstable Street, Ampthill Telephone: 01525 750 750 1 Harpur Street, Bedford Telephone: 01234 30 30 30

Lush Beauty Party Season offer - Spray Tanning £15.00 (offer ends 31 Dec)  Full Body  Book a tanning party and the host will receive a FREE  spray tan.  Bio Sculpture Gel Nails:

Hands £20.00 Toes £15.00  Special offer - Book together £30.00  Hands & Toes 

Eye Treatments: Eyebrow shape £6.00 Eyebrow Tint £6.00 Eyelash Tint £8.00 Eyelash Extensions: Full set £40.00

Call Alison today on 07956 467352 4 Airedale Close, Flitwick, MK45 1FA

Email: Website:

Daytime, Evening and Weekend appointments available Gift Vouchers available

Special offers & Loyalty Card

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Christmas Menu 2011 - £35.00 per head Starters Desserts Mains Christmas pudding Spicy Butternut Squash Soup Herb and garlic crusted Cod loin, with brandy custard with a chestnut dumpling with saffron risotto and spinach Wood pigeon Wellington with Pan Roasted Fillet, oxtail croquette, Sussex pond pudding with maple syrup tempura mushrooms, spinach triple cooked chips and a bone Treacle Tart with and port gravy marrow sauce clotted cream ice Smoked Salmon Scotch Egg Roast saddle of lamb, black pudding cream & raspberry with aioli hash, celeriac and carrot puree and coulis Grilled black pudding with pan mustard gravy Chocolate mousse fried Foie Gras, watercress Roasted breast of duck, parsnip tart, Chocolate Sorbet salad with an apple and vanilla puree, poached pear and roasted and Cappuccino chutney sweet potatoes with braised red Mascarpone Pheasant and Guinea Fowl Espresso Ice cream cabbage and shortbread biscuit Terrine, piccalilli and toasted Stuffed Turkey legs with roast Boozy trifle brioche veggies and cranberry gravy Goose risotto Parsnip, cranberry and chestnut loaf Coffee & homemade chocolates

With Winter not far away, isn’t it time you considered replacing those doors and windows? Or maybe a new conservatory to enjoy. Don’t compromise on style - call into our showroom and see our stunning range of doors and windows including “The Composite Door”.

No window or glazing job too small.


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Quality decorating doesn’t cost more. Interior and exterior painting ■ Wallpaper hanging ■ Interior design and colour advice ■ A professional eye for detail and finish ■

Brian Waters

Painting and Decoration Tel: 01525 405586 / 07771 866960

Saturday 12th November sees a performance by Ampthill Concert Orchestra at Redborne School, Ampthill of: Grieg’s Piano Concerto in A minor Op 16, featuring soloist Richard Powell. Brahms Academic Festival Overture Op 80 and Beethoven’s Symphony No 3 in E Flat major, Op 55, ‘Eroica’. The performance is from 7.30pm - 10pm with doors opening at 7pm. Tickets are priced at £5.00 and are on sale at Waitrose, in Ampthill.

Professional NPTC City and Guilds qualified, fully insured. Bathing, scissoring, clipping, nail trim, glands, de-matting, hand stripping, ear cleaning/ plucking. Flea treatments available. I cater for all dogs large and small in a kind and sensitive environment. Pick up and drop off service available. Discounts for puppies and special OAP day! Tel: 01296 728672

On the 24th, 25th & 26th November, at Parkside Hall in Ampthill, Ampthill & Flitwick Dramatic Society are presenting ‘Matching Briefs’. Two plays: ‘Bazaar and Rubbish’ by Sue Townsend and ‘Smalls Talk’ by Sue & Clive Read. The show starts at 7.45 with tickets costing £8.00 (Thurs & Sat) and £12.00 (Friday with Fish & Chips). Box office is 01525 720446 or see for more details. Ampthill Twinning Association are holding a Quiz & Fish and Chips Supper on Saturday 19 November at Parkside Hall, Ampthill. Start time 7.30pm. Ticket price £8.00 Teams of up to 6 people. Tickets available from Horatio’s Bookshop, 9 Church Street, Ampthill or Angie Murdoch at 01525 403076

Flitwick Lower School are holding their Christmas Fayre on Sunday 27 November 2011 between 2-4pm At Flitwick Lower School. Santa's Grotto, Face Painting, Books, Tombola, Stalls, Refreshments and much more.... Learn the fascinating art of

Special Beginners Classes For Children and Adults

No Special Clothing Necessary


In Flitwick

Starting Monday 7th and 14th November at 6.00pm and every Monday thereafter Flitwick Leisure Centre Steppingley Road Flitwick

Everyone Welcome

mob: 07927 195345

The Firs School, Ampthill are presenting two concerts: On November 25th at 7.30 pm there is to be a Flute and Piano concert with Peter O’Connor (Flute) and Angela Doughty (Piano). Tickets are £5.00 available on the door. On December 12th at 7.30 pm there is Ampthill and District Choral Society Christmas Concert. Tickets are £7.00 adults, and £1.00 children including seasonal fare. Drinks will be available to purchase. The programme will include a wide variety of music, poetry and other readings

DEVELOPMENT SITE FOR SALE 2 acre Brownfield development site at Sampshill Road, Westoning, MK45 5LB for sale or to be let. Previously the site being sold by British Railway at public auction. If the site is not sold by private treaty, it would be auctioned by Allsop on the 13th December 2011. Contact:


Enquiries: Tel: 01525 634052

Tel: 01322 448270 Mob: 07958 433809

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I was recollecting a conversation I had with the late great Check-It -Out and my old mate Duster about the time when I actually finished a sentence. It was when their Worships returned my driving licence to me after a cautionary ban for introducing excessive speed to my motor car. Ciao


I put my wheelbarrow into stealth mode now I can’t find it.


Across: 1 Mushy, 4 Alogy, 10 Natural, 11 Peril, 12 Carve, 13 Contact, 15 Step, 17 Erase, 19 Eager, 22 Aunt, 25 Adjourn, 27 Taste, 29 Child, 30 Tempest, 31 Heady, 32 Stole

Down: 2 Utter, 3 Harness, 5 Lupin, 6 Garbage, 7 Knack, 8 Alice, 9 Blate, 14 Open, 16 Tear, 18 Rejoice, 20 Attempt, 21 Lance, 23 Unity, 24 Teeth, 26 Undid, 28 Shell

Don’t forget Town Hall Antiques in Woburn. A wide variety of Antiques, the biggest stock of Moorcroft around and always quirky things. If you’re looking to sell antiques speak to Elfyn 01525 290950. Market Place, Woburn, Beds. MK17 9PZ Open Every Day email:

YOU WILL HAVE NOTICED THAT WINTER IS UPON US! So now would be the time to order your new stove!

Visit our showroom. Over 70 modern and traditional fireplaces and stoves on display.

1, Woburn Street, Ampthill, Beds

Tel: 01525 841199 Mon - Fri: 10am - 5pm Sat: 10am - 4pm

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“The Fuddler� is published by MDA Publications and printed by Fidelity. The views expressed herein are not necessarily those of the publisher. No part of this publication may be copied in any form or by any means without written permission of the Publisher. Copyright MDA Publications.

Like to book an ad, or ask about our absurdly low rates please ring Martin on

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THE CHEQUERS Park Road, Westoning Tel: 07873 876 506 / 01525 715 337

Patrick and Deborah McCarthy and son Aran (aged 6!) would like to welcome you to The Chequers family pub and restaurant. Taking over the pub in August they have seen business go from strength to strength with an emphasis on providing a traditional village country pub with an emphasis on catering for families. Originally from Cork in Ireland, Patrick is an experienced hotel manager and Deborah is a fully qualified chef. They have now returned to the UK after 4 years running 2 Irish bars in Spain and are pleased to have secured a long lease on the Chequers!

TRADITIONAL PUB DOING TRADITIONAL PUB GRUB Monday to Thursday 2 mains for £10.00 or 3 course meal + bottle of wine £25.00 for both people

TRADITIONAL SUNDAY ROAST £6.50 or 2 course £9.00

PIZZERIA SPECIALS! Our pizzas are made from fresh dough with Deborah’s secret sauce passed to her from ‘Luciano’ an elderly Italian man! MONDAYS - BUY 1 PIZZA AND GET ONE FREE! NOW TAKING BOOKINGS FOR CHRISTMAS PARTIES Lunch and evening all through December (No food Christmas day)

OPEN CHRISTMAS DAY 12.00 - 3.00 AND 7.00 UNTIL MIDNIGHT NEW YEAR’S EVE 40 people, £40 per head - 4 course dinner including a bottle of bubbly for 2 Reserve your table and it is yours for the night! (Limited space 1st come - 1st served)

QUIZ NIGHT - LAST THURSDAY OF THE MONTH Plus ‘Take your Pick’ - win cash prizes.

SKY SPORTS AND ESPN When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at!

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24 HR CALLOUT AVAILABLE All electrical work undertaken email: And again, our grateful thanks to Marjorie! 1















16 17



Across: 1 Part of window (7) 5 Buckets (5) 8 Antiquated (5) 9 Smirch (7) 10 Treatment of feet (9) 12 Pointed tool (3) 13 Malapropism (6) 14 Sword (6) 17 Fall ill (3) 18 Receptacle (9) 20 Deceit (7) 21 Ascend (5) 23 Terminated (5) 24 Rectify (7)


1 Intern (5) 2 Authorise (3) 3 At home (7) 4 Inkling (6) 5 Celebration (5) 6 Counterfeit (9) 7 Savant (7) 11 Cut off (9) 13 Determine (7) 15 Startled (7) 16 Mooring (6) 18 Cloud anag (5) 19 Appraises (5) 22 Employ (3) T

*Maintenance *Drainage *Driveways *Landscaping *Fencing


Contact: Andi Brackenridge T: 07789 681252 Email:

i i i i i i i i i






Sandra’s working her way through another big book (dictionary?) so she’s found lots more words for us! See whether or not this one jumps put at you. (Answer at the bottom of the page if it doesn’t!)


Fully Qualified Apprentice Served Established 28 years Experts in all aspects Quality Guaranteed Public Liability Insured Reliable Professional Service Interior & Exterior FREE ESTIMATES

Tel: 01525 280176 Mob: 07759 240 414

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Benedictusȱofȱtheȱ ‘9Tails’..........ȱ (Continuedȱfromȱȱ lastȱmonth)ȱ …….thenȱ timeȱ overȱ tookȱ andȱ insteadȱ ofȱ goingȱ forwardȱ intoȱ theȱ pew,ȱ Benedictusȱ involuntaryȱ wentȱbackwards…heȱwasȱ notȱ onlyȱ powerlessȱ butȱ totallyȱ confused.ȱ Thenȱ theȱ voiceȱ ofȱ Judgeȱ Jacobȱ cameȱandȱwentȱinȱaȱseriesȱ ofȱ waves,ȱ alternatingȱ betweenȱ loudȱ andȱ softȱ finishingȱ inaudiblyȱ asȱ heȱ

saidȱ “Timeȱ hasȱ nothingȱ toȱ doȱwithȱtheȱclock.ȱȱThat’sȱanȱ overȬsimplificationȱ systemȱ ofȱ measurementȱ thatȱ weȱ allȱ agreeȱ toȱ applyȱ toȱ aȱ muchȱ m o r e ȱ c o m p l e xȱ phenomenon…….ȱBennie,ȱaȱ clockȱ cannotȱ tellȱ youȱ howȱ muchȱ timeȱ youȱ haveȱ leftȱ orȱ howȱ muchȱ timeȱ youȱ haveȱ alreadyȱ ‘spent’…….norȱ canȱ itȱ tellȱ youȱ ifȱ youȱ areȱ spendingȱ qualityȱ timeȱ orȱ justȱ idlingȱ awayȱ yourȱ allottedȱ hours….”ȱ Judgeȱ Jacobȱ thenȱ becameȱ aȱ

AT HOME OR WORK Full and part valets, Hand washed and polished Seats and carpets cleaned Call Nigel on 01525 261485 Mobile 07977 605987 email:

blur…aȱ figmentȱ ofȱ theȱ imagination?....No,ȱ howȱ couldȱ heȱ be,ȱ becauseȱ heȱ wasȱ joinedȱ byȱ twoȱ otherȱ catsȱ whomȱ Benedictusȱ immediatelyȱ recognisedȱ soȱ heȱ mustȱ beȱ real…ȱ butȱ recognitionȱ fadedȱ andȱ Bennieȱ couldȱ notȱ recallȱ themȱ toȱ mind!ȱ ȱ Oh,ȱ thisȱ time….suchȱ power,ȱ soȱ uncontrollableȱȬȱandȱwithȱ thatȱ Benedictusȱ wasȱ onȱ ‘theȱ fringe’ȱ andȱ fadedȱ intoȱ aȱ swirlȱ ofȱ historyȱ ……..ȱ(Benedictusȱ willȱ beȱ backȱinȱtheȱNewȱYear)ȱȱȱȱ (Copyȱrightȱreserved)ȱ

‘I don’t fink I’ve said anyfink silly this month unless you count what I’ve just said.’

Lots and lots of British love and congratulations being sent to Thomas and Kasey in California for the announcement of their engagement! Hope the party on Guy Fawkes night is a roaring success! All our love Mum, Katy and Roo xxx

Skip and Helen welcome you to

OSSORY ARMS 9 Arthur Street, Ampthill 01525 841188

BREAKFAST SERVED from 10.30am FRI / SAT and from 10.00am Sunday EVERY WEDNESDAY IS


JEWELLERY AND CARD PARTY Tuesday 22nd November


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You can’t beat this …



Epson, HP, Brother, Samsung and many more top names - too numerous to mention! Clearance Abandoned Stock Specialists

Please call for appointment to view

Tel: John: 07811 116486 or Matt: 07785 503438 All items subject to availability When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at!

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Times to suit you. 1st assessment FREE 45 mins lessons ALL AGES


For further information contact

Experienced Mechanic

Guy on 07811 364 328

With Jimmy The Voice JTV is playing tricks with us this month! He has sent us this picture which he says is a picture of a lady’s face

Look who’s 60 50 on November 10th! By Julio Van Peebles 1) Did Curiosity really kill the cat? 2) When bubble wrap is made, what do they pack it in? 3) What happened to Fablon? 4) When a 'Medium' becomes good at their job, do they become a 'Large'? 5) Why are cars made to go faster when the speed limit keeps coming down? Julio’s Top Tip: Improve the flavour of iced tea by simply heating it up and adding milk and sugar to taste !!

However we reckon it is a man playing a saxophone! But what do you think?

Don’t Messa with Miss Dessa! Happy Birthday for 11/11/11

Happy 2nd Birthday to Martha on the 7th November

Happy Birthday Ben Sear !!

love Alex, Sebastian, Gregory and Yasmine



Findingtherightmortgagecanbechallengingatthebestoftimes TheAmpthillMortgageStudiohasover70yearsofMortgageBrokingexperience OuradviceisFree, ConfidentialandIndependent  Mortgagelendershavebeenofferingsomeofthelowestratesonrecord Ratesarepotentiallysettorise Nowisthetimetosecurealowratebeforetheincreasescomein Don’tforgetouradviceisfree! CallKarlTayloron01525402722 16Ͳ18BedfordStreet,Ampthill,BedfordshireMK454NL   AmpthillMortgageStudioisauthorisedandregulatedbytheFinancialServicesAuthority. Yourhomemayberepossessedifyoudonotkeepuprepaymentsonyourmortgage 

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THE FIRS GUEST HOUSE & CAFE 85, High Street, Ridgmont, Beds

Tel: 01525 280279 or 288282

GREAT VALUE AT THE FIRS! Bed & Breakfast from only £25.00 pppn

FREE PRESCRIPTION DELIVERY Can’t get to the chemist or surgery? Don’t worry, we’ll pick up your prescription from your surgery and deliver your medication to your door.

Covering Ampthill, Clophill, Flitwick, Houghton Conquest, Maulden, Silsoe, Wilstead & surrounding villages.

CONTRACTORS WELCOME Why not call in for one of our


Oops! Babs has found herself in a little bit of trouble! She was again whizzing along in her car at a speed that was way too fast for the displayed speed limit when a police car pulled her over. ‘May I see your driving licence and insurance documents please?’ said the police officer. ‘I wish you lot would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my licence and now today you want me to show it to you!’ replied a somewhat miffed Babs, sensibly.


I’ve discovered a torch is a metal tube used to store dead batteries. I know I said I’d stay with you. I just didn’t say for how long. My bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired. It is coming to the time of year when I don’t flirt with everyone. Mind you I haven’t met everyone yet. My friend’s husband is so silly that she says the only difference between him and a bottle of wine is that wine matures. The best way a man can help around the house is by buying you one. Superfluous ornaments and ornamentation increase labour uselessly. The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think. Forget love - I’d rather fall in chocolate. Dolphins are so clever that within weeks of captivity they can train humans to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

BOB AMBLER HOME DESIGNS Carpentry Kitchens - Bedrooms Home Offices - Bathrooms Replacement Kitchen Doors Worktops and Built in Appliances A complete design, supply and installation service

01525 405393 ans. phone Mobile: 07889 058345

1. ‘Sleuth’ is the collective term for which creature? 2. Who created ‘Superintendent Hannasyde’? 3. When was the battle of ‘Artois’? 4. I f y o u s u f f e r e d f r o m ‘Thixophobia’ of what would you be afraid? 5. Where would you find a ‘Clerestory’? 6. What kind of creature is a ‘Castlemilk Moorit’? 7. Who played Dr Who’s assistant Grace Holloway? 8. Where in the UK is a town called ‘Nobottle’? 9. When was the umbrella invented? 10.What is a ‘Kasmin’? 1 Bear, 2 Georgette Heyer, 3 1915 - WW1, 4 Touch, 5 Church, 6 Sheep, 7 Daphne Ashbrook, 8 Northamptonshire, 9 1637, 10 Wind

Plus … Teas, coffees, sandwiches, rolls and a large selection of home cooked meals at £5.00 or less! Eat in or take away



Telephone (01908) 375275

Unit 5, Lower Rectory Farm, Great Brickhill, Milton Keynes, Bucks MK17 9AF

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AMPTHILL CHAMBER OF TRADE & COMMERCE FAVOURITE BUSINESS AWARD With the launch of Ampthill Town Council’s PRIDE IN AMPTHILL campaign, the Chamber of Trade and Commerce invites the public to vote for their favourite Ampthill business. THINGS TO CONSIDER: Appearance. The look of the premises inside and out. Layout of the premises. Service. Friendliness, politeness and efficiency of staff. Knowledge. A good knowledge of products and services. Value. Does the business offer good value for money? BUSINESS Nominated: …………………………………………………… COMMENTS (not obligatory) ……………………………………………………

CANCER (June 22-July 23) The stubborn strait appears to be rearing its head again. Try to accept criticism in the way that it is intended - as helpful.

CAPRICORN (Dec 23-Jan 20) Travel! Travel! Travel! That’s what the stars foresee. Are you about to embark on a terrific adventure? Think carefully before you act.

LEO (July 24-August 23) Your love life appears to be heading to a place where you want it to be! Follow your heart and do not allow others to influence your decision.

AQUARIUS (Jan 21-Feb 19) There seems to be a great deal of joy surrounding Aquarians at the present time. Could there be major changes on the horizon?

VIRGO (Aug 24-Sept 23) When things sometimes become too much, it is important that you sit back and see matters from a different perspective.

PISCES (Feb 20-March 20) Financial arrangements could turn out better than you expected. It is clear that you must remain focused on the things that are important to you.

LIBRA (Sept 24-Oct 23) Don’t take things too seriously. That which is important of course you must, but allow yourself some reckless frivolity.

ARIES (March 21-April 20) Your planetary aspects seem to indicate some tremendous fun coming your way. This could mean an exciting trip or a new career move.

SCORPIO (Oct 24-Nov 22) Possibly it is time to take control and aim for a healthier way of life. Travel plans may be marred by an unforeseen joy.

TAURUS (April 21-May 21) Try and turn back the clock and you might see what went wrong. However this is not irreversible and you should be grateful to those that support you.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov 23-Dec 22) Your career looks to be in very strong shape. Could there be a change on the way? Financial aspects look to be promising.

GEMINI (May 22-June 21) Wow! With the craziness of Christmas just around the corner, your life looks to be so busy! Great news could be arriving soon.

Please return this completed nomination slip by 5pm Friday 16th December 2011 to any of the shops below: Sweet Sensations, 98 Dunstable Street Fairies & Frogs, 86A Dunstable Street Cooks Collection, 4 Bedford Street The Stationery Boutique, 2A Woburn Street Waitrose, Bedford Street

As an incentive to encourage you to nominate your favourite Ampthill business, all completed nomination forms will be entered into a prize draw for a voucher worth £25 which can be used by the winner at any shop or business which is a Member of Ampthill Chamber of Trade and Commerce. The lucky winner of the voucher will be contacted by Thursday 20th December 2011. In the event of a tie, Ampthill Chamber of Trade and Commerce will make a final decision taking into account the comments supplied. The winner of the Favourite Business Award will be announced in the New Year 2012 ‘Around the Pump’. Name:

FullyQualified FullyInsured 10yearsSalonExperience

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£25.00 £32.00 £10.00 £5.00 £15.00 £18.00 £20.00 £40.00 £45.00 £30.00 £20.00 £25.00 £20.00

Contact Number:


E mail address:

Call:07917727265or01234768706 Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at

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Well where shall we go, at this cold time of the year, I know, lets go to Martins our local newsagents, you shout, I hear. They have many great Christmas goodies, and new toys on display And many great new offers, to tempt you to buy, and take away. With Christmas cards, tags, bags, and Christmas wrap too, And with happy staff waiting, just to serve you. They still have the offer running for, 4 weeks newspapers at half price, And with free delivery, that sounds quite nice, (delivery is FREE). So why not come along and see for yourself, They have many great offers clearly displayed on the shelf. Oh and I nearly forgot to tell you they have many new magazines that they have not stocked before, And they even offer to deliver them straight to your door. So it just leaves me to tell you about what’s going on, And what Martins is doing at the town’s lights switch on. So here’s the date you all need to remember It’s Sunday the 27th of November. Free hot drinks they will be giving away To warm you all up on this fun cold day. There will be free children’s goodie bags, while stocks last So call in quick, they will go fast. They will also be selling cakes and mince pies on this day, So please donate some money and take them away. There will be many other things going on, But I cannot list them all so please just come along. They will also be keeping the shop open till 6 To give you a chance to get your Christmas gifts. (All money raised will be going to the AIR AMBULANCE and KEECH HOSPICE)












Fancy coming to try numerous food goodies accompanied by a glass of wine?! Tickets are available from the shop at £10 each.

Ɣ CHRISTMAS CAKE AND CHRISTMAS PUDDING MAKING? We hold the equipment to help you create the cakes and puddings of your dreams! Including tins, pudding basins, string, muslin, cake boards, ribbons, icing, marzipan, cake decorations and much more!

Ɣ CHRISTMAS THREE BIRD ROASTS AVAILABLE FOR CHRISTMAS! Available in three different sizes and combinations, deboned, ever so easy to cook and seriously delicious!

Ɣ CHRISTMAS HAMPERS Hampers are a great idea for friends and family, especially those who have ‘got everything’!

Open 7 days a week Mon - Sat 9.00 - 17.30 + Sun 11.00 -17.00!

4b Bedford Street, Ampthill

Tel: 01525 402023

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A daring group of over 40 Ampthill mums have stripped off and posed for a calendar! (In the best possible taste of course!) The idea behind the project is to raise awareness and money for the Samantha Dickson Brain Tumour Trust, a charity that raises money to look into curing brain tumours in children. This follows the discovery that one local mum Karen’s son had a brain tumour 2 years ago ‘My little boy Ben was diagnosed with a brain tumour 2 years ago. He was rushed to Addenbrookes and had an operation to remove part of the tumour. The remaining tumour cannot be removed so we wait to see how it behaves hoping that it won't grow any further.’ The calendars are on sale at Waitrose, Tesco and several local Ampthill shops or simply visit local photographer Becky Kerr’s website at for more details.

Saturday 12th November sees the 4th Annual Wartime Dance at Parkside Hall in Ampthill, with music from the era. Starting at 7.00 for 7.30 until late, the evening features ‘Kas The Forces Sweetheart’ and Paul Roberts and the Swingers! Tickets are priced at £20.00 (in advance) or £25.00 on the door, which includes hot and cold buffets. There is also to be a licensed bar, real ale, raffle and prize for best fancy dress (period dress optional, but appreciated) with all proceeds to local charities. For more information or to book your ticket please call or text 07876 470503

ALL DAY SUNDAY ROASTS As you probably know our kitchen refurbishment is now complete and Daniel is once again offering his legendary Sunday Roasts all day! (Booking essential though - he does get busy!)

Plus ... Daniel is pleased to introduce his delicious daily homemade specials! CHRISTMAS PARTY BOOKINGS NOW BEING TAKEN Daniel’s Christmas menu will soon be available so please ring or pop in for the details or to make your booking. 

QUIZ NIGHT EVERY WEDNESDAY With our resident guest Quizmasters - starts at 9.00 pm. No entry fee and everyone welcome!

REAL ALES Up to 8 real ales available

AMPTHILL PIE FESTIVAL 2011 Richard, Daniel and the team would like to offer sincere thanks to all those who entered such a wonderful array of pies, to the local businesses who so generously donated raffle prizes, to the artistes who provided the musical entertainment on the day, the judges, Redbornstoke Morris Dancers and of course all those who came along to support the do! We are pleased to say that over £521.00 was raised for MacMillan Cancer Support. Thanks again to everyone for making this the best Pie Festival yet!

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Page 16

Andy Collier


Xmas special

Singer / Entertainer

A MARSTON VALE ENTERTAINMENT PRODUCTION A special Christmas Songs Afternoon at FLITWICK VILLAGE HALL SAT DEC 17th 2.30pm This is a show not to miss with special effects! COME AND HAVE FUN & JOIN IN! Tickets £5 full £4 concessions & £3 children from box office 01525383783 Book now! Donation to 'Imperial Cancer' will be made ..

The perfect gift or just an indulgence For November and December you can have your very own professional

This special Xmas package includes

studio photo shoot for just

An individual or group studio portrait shoot

£ 100.00

( with a minimum of 50 shots to choose from) ……………………………………

3 high resolution, enhanced, colour or black & white, card framed A4 prints of your choice Plus A CD of your 3 chosen images …………………………… Extra images £10.00 per image. A3 prints & prints on canvas also available

Gift vouchers also available For more information contact Simon on Organization 07939541941

CRAFTY CHICKEN TIKKA MASALA Here’s a quick and tasty way to prepare this ever popular dish: For 2/3 you will need: 2 Chicken Supremes from your local butcher 1 tin condensed tomato soup 1 jar Tikka Masala concentrated paste Rice to taste The vital ingredient - a glass or two of wine. Firstly chop up the chicken breasts into the size chunks that you like. Then take a crafty slurp of wine.

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Take a frying pan into which place a small knob of butter and place over lowish heat. Brown the chicken and then add the condensed tomato soup and a little water. Finish off with a teaspoon or two (according to taste) of the Tikka Masalsa paste and stir thoroughly. Whilst you are boiling your rice, allow to cook gently for about 15 minutes or until chicken is thoroughly cooked and serve. And there you go - it couldn’t be easier and you’ll have plenty of time to enjoy your wine.

Page 17

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As always, there is tremendous excitement in the air with the forthcoming Ampthill Christmas Lights Switching on Ceremony! Taking place on Sunday 27th November from 2.30 pm in the Town Centre car park, you are invited to come and wander round the various stalls and attractions, meet Father Christmas, and marvel at the many fairground rides available. We understand that there will be Carol Singing leading up to the big switch on at 4.30 pm. Refreshments are also available on the big day which promises to be a fun afternoon for all the family!

Happy Birthday Jonny for 30th November from myself as the wife didn’t put this in!

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Now is the time to book your Christmas advertising in The Fuddler! For more details or to reserve your space please ring Martin on 01525 841434

With Gerard Boughtye

An item of clothing worn by the Three Musketeers:.............‘A horse.’ Something that frightens Dracula: .................‘The King of the Vampires.’ A musical instrument you can play in the bath: ..‘A drum kit.’ Something you pull: ................................................‘A potato.’ Something with a red light on it: .............................‘A Dalek.’ A weapon in the game of Cluedo: .................................‘Dice.’ A jacket potato topping: .................................................‘Jam.’ Something people take to the beach: ..........................‘Turkey’ A game played in the dark: .....................................‘Charades’

You no doubt will have spotted the scaffolding on the corner of Ampthill Market Square and Bedford Street which is due to come down in the next few days! Also the smell of burning paint round the town has now gone (!) - all in readiness for the continuing works to be carried out on the refurbishment of this lovely building in readiness for Ampthill Fireplaces move early in the new year.

Worried councillor... all is well, the lost shirt has now been found!

Happy Birthday Mitch for the 7th November!

With Ann, Robin & Son, For your delectation and pleasure, here are some more of those unbelievable answers that contestants have come up with on various game shows.

Hello everyone. I am an actress who is appearing in an immensely popular period drama currently being shown on your television sets. But who do you think I am? You’ll find the answer at the foot of the page.






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Jessica Brown Findlay - Downton Abbey

Page 21

Development Options Want help with your university application or your personal statement or simply not sure what to do next?  Development Options exists to help young people with their choices beyond school1.Which university? 2.Which course? 3.Which career? We can help you with all of these decisions by talking you through your individual choices and by helping you through each part of the process. We are a team of experienced educational professionals with a successful track record in guiding young people. We can provide expert support across a wide range of subjects.

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just a few G&T's around ..... In Arthur’s


Question . . . what's the difference between a large G&T, with ice and a slice in your own back yard and three of the same in a sumptuous M e d i t e r r a n e a n hideaway ? Answer . . . .you can do your own back yard thing any time although you may need a patio heater on full blast and a big umbrella. In our recent experience in a Med. hideaway you got the full monty ..... warm sunshine, soft sand set around a beautiful sea and a distant backdrop of

nature in the raw !.. Plus the obligatory G&T's in ample supply 'cos they brew the stuff just down the road and over the hill. Sounds like a paragraph from a travel brochure . . but that is Es Grau one of Menorca's best kept secrets. Or at least it was until Arthur's World dropped in for a few days last month. The locals don't speak a lot of English (or in my case Geordie) but they are so protective of their community, a local byelaw stipulates that all cat's must be neutered. Now that's a first in my experience ! ! Our accommodation was brilliant. Mrs A. was not

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at all in favour of me playing around in the big dinghy with outdoor motor (I was looking forward to that) so for the sake of a peaceful relationship we gave it a miss. The roof top terrace was brilliant for looking at exceptional sunsets and we got into locals mode by drying out our smalls and bits and pieces of washing for a quick blow dry. Around the area there were a couple of bandits came out of the hills masquerading as Restaurant Rip off Merchants but we soon got the measure of them. The local lads are

brilliant. They have a little bar opening at 6am (yes-that early !) for the fishermen when they come off night shift. A lovely place for an early morning coffee (plus a brandy if you so desire). They don't speak a word of English but the common language is the “click click” of the dominoes at a table in the corner going on from near opening time to close at 3 o'clock. I could have just got into my stride when last orders were called. Overall marks out of 10 – I'll give it 11. Drawbacks – I hate airports, but I did enjoy the bit in the middle.

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By Henry Flagstaff After dinner with the Fairweathersâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; I decided to pop along to the library and catch up with some reading. Not that there was anything wrong with the dinner, but Gladys was out somewhere with the cat and I just wanted some time alone in the wingback with a malt or two! Thus I found myself rushing slowly home again from the library clutching a book called â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Velocityâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; by the i n t e r n a t i o n a l l y w o r ld famous author Dean

Hereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a little more whimsy from one of our readers: I told my mum that I'd opened a theatre. She said, â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Are you having me on?' I said, 'Well I'll give you an audition, but I'm not promising you anything.'

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Page 25

‘The Green Man, a charming village eatery located in Eversholt near Woburn, celebrated significant acclaim in the annual Observer Food Monthly Awards, announced recently. Recognised as Runner Up in the Best Sunday Lunch category for the South & West region, The Green Man joins a prestigious collection of award winners, including Dinner by Heston Blumenthal (Best Restaurant) and Hugh FearnleyWhittingstall (Best Food Personality). The awards, voted for by readers of the Observer Food Monthly, declared The Green Man: “(A) lovely pub in the picturesque village of Eversholt” with “a hearty Sunday roast menu that will please all the family.” Owner James Freeman and Head Chef Sean Austin select choice cuts of locally-raised beef and pork from to create succulent roasts, served with all the trimming. Diners have the choice of fireside, quaint dining room or spacious patio to enjoy relaxing Sundays with family or friends. James, along with his wife Louise and their team are thrilled with the recognition: “We are truly thankful to all our patrons who voted in the awards, from our loyal regulars to those who come from far and wide to visit our country pub & restaurant” said James who also operates The Hogman, supplying lamb and pig roasts for private parties across the region. This year marked the 9th year of these national awards, voted for by both the general public and a highly qualified judging panel. This marks the second occasion that James and Louise have been recognised in the Observer Food Monthly Awards.’



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With Flora the Explorer I had someone ask for an aisle seats so that his or her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window. A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, ‘Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?’ I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information when she interrupted me with ‘I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts.’ Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, ‘Capecod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa.’ Her response ... click. I just got off the phone with a man who asked, ‘How do I know which plane to get on?’ I asked him what exactly he meant, which he replied, ‘I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these darn planes have numbers on them.’ A woman called and said, ‘I need to fly to Pepsi-cola on one of those computer planes.’ I asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola on a commuter plane. She said, ‘Yeah, whatever.’ I got a call from a man who asked, ‘Is it possible to see England from Canada?’ I said, ‘No.’ He said ‘But they look so close on the map.’ Which just goes to show some people should never travel!

A big Happy Birthday to Alan for the 24th November!

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Page 27


The Farmers Market in Woburn is held on the third Sunday of every month at The Pitchings, whilst Ampthill Farmers Market is held on the last Saturday of each month at their new home at The Prince of Wales in Bedford Street, Ampthill.

Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t forget The Charter Market in Ampthill every Thursday and Flitwick Market on Fridays!

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WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT LOVE & MARRIAGE? â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.â&#x20AC;&#x2122; John, 10 â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;When somebody's been dating for a while, the boy might propose to the girl. He says to her, â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;I'll take you for a whole life, or at least until we have kids and get divorced.â&#x20AC;&#x2122; Susan, 9 â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;A man and a woman promise to go through sickness and illness and diseases together.â&#x20AC;&#x2122; David, age 10 â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Single is better . . . for the simple reason that I wouldn't want to change no nappies. Of course, if I did get married, I'd figure something out. I'd just phone my mother and have her come over for some coffee and nappy-changing.â&#x20AC;&#x2122; Karen, age 10



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Warren Farm, Ampthill – Public Consultation Development Brief Connolly Homes and Denison Investments are consulting on a Development Brief, which provides the context to proposals for a residential development scheme at Warren Farm. The site is located between Flitwick Road and Abbey Lane, Ampthill.

With Lauren Louella Boughalls

Hello again everyone, many thanks to all of you who correctly identified last month’s picture as being Ampthill Zoo, Wingfield Park, Ampthill. Well done James, Susan, Boris, Geoff, Mary and everyone else who got it right! Now for this month’s poser, Algi and I have been out and about, furiously cycling around the parish in this fine autumnal weather and have found this scene: But do you recognise where this picture was taken?

Consultation on this document starts on 7 November and closes on 5 December 2011 at 5pm. The Development Brief and information on how you can make comments will be available for downloading at on 7 November. Copies can also be viewed at Ampthill Town Council’s Offices, Ampthill Library and Central Bedfordshire Council’s Offices in Chicksands from the same date.

Answers by email to or on a postcard to The Fuddler, PO Box 756 Ampthill Bedford MK45 2WZ Answer next month!

Public Exhibition A separate public exhibition is to be held on the emerging development proposals and you are invited to view and discuss these. Representatives of Connolly Homes and Denison Investments and their professional advisors will be on hand to explain the proposals and, wherever possible, answer your questions. The exhibition is to take place at the following dates and venues: Friday 18 November: 13:00 – 19:00 at Ampthill Town Council’s Offices, Dunstable Street, Ampthill Saturday 19 November: 10:00 – 15:30 at Redborne Upper School North Site, Flitwick Road, Ampthill For further details please

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Page 29


Day 10 Woke up at 7-10am, getting packed up now and going to head for Santander to see if I can get the ferry from there back home to England. As it seems France is on strike and all the pumps are shut down. Mum looked up the ferry times, there is one at 1515pm so shall try for that. Set off at 7-45 am, just passed a bad smash on theN34, looks like it has just happened, both drivers slumped over steering wheels. Nothing I could do, saw emergency vehicles on way. Stopped at service station bought €23 of petrol, now done 3,087 miles. I got to Santander at12 midday and rode straight to the ferry

terminus, only to be told all ferries for today are full! I have managed to book the last place on tomorrows ferry leaving at 3pm. Filled up with fuel ready for my ride from Portsmouth to home the day after tomorrow, 3,314 miles. Booked into a 3 star hotel with a mini bar-posh or what! It’s costing €69, but I don’t care, it may be the last hotel I stay in for a while. Been for a wander round Santander, lovely place lots of nice shops. Went to the cathedral but it was closed. Had a burger and some oddly shaped chips which were very nice. I am back in the hotel now, found BBC news 24 and watched a film about Arnhem in Spanish, going to relax and do my crossword book. Felt hungry again so went for a wander around Santander and found a small bar where I got an American Pizza. Went back to hotel had a shower then went to bed. To be continued ...

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Here we bring you some more observations and tales from the whimsical world of Montgolfier: Why do papers print photos of people then blank out their face? Why not just leave the picture out? A place has just stopped leather footballs being used as they could injure someone. The softer ball now have to be used. Perhaps now we’ll have to use ping-pong balls for a game of cricket. If you have lost a hubcap off your car and had passed over a cattle grid - that is where you’ll find it. There always seems to be several lying around by cattle grids. My neighbour remembers people making tea with tea leaves and said that some people even used a tea pot. I might give it a try. Going back a while a garden on the outskirts of Aylesbury had a lot of gnomes and one night they all went missing. About 2 days later they were all at the main bus station queuing up for a bus to get home. So they must have a brain. A Duke is one rank below a Prince so why does a Royal Prince get demoted when he marries? I use to go round doing shows and on several there was a lady fire eater. Sometimes when she gave me a kiss it was slightly like siphoning diesel from a diesel tank. I was chatting to a lad and asked if he was from Woburn Sands. He said no he was from next door - he was one of the Aspley Guys.

Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at


Page 31

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I NEED A CO-DRIVER TO CROSS THE GIBSON. Alice Springs to Well 35 on the Canning Stock Route 1976 Day One, Continued from last month Having spoken to the right people in the “Reserve”, Gerry said we could move on and we made good progress on a steadily deteriorating track. Around midday, we parked up in relative civilisation, (i.e. we could clearly see the track we were following!), and quickly lit a fire to brew tea; as we waited while the billy boiled, we surveyed our surroundings, By our UK standards, it was VERY open sparse woodland, no undergrowth, just sand and many black charred trees, a

bush fire had been through within the last few weeks. Very little wind but a rustling sound betrayed a “Willy-Willy”, a baby tornado, very popular in the tropics. You could see the spiral of black ash and debris rising up in the 5-10 foot diameter vertical funnel of wind. This is a very common sight in the tropics, and normally no cause for alarm. At this time we were using the tail-board of the Land Rover to prepare our cucumber and tuna sandwiches when Gerry became very animated and shouted some obscenity about losing everything. The willywilly was on a collision course with our picnic spot. We barely managed to put lids on margarine and close the bread bin before the whole place was in turmoil, when the dust cleared, (literally), we had to look for a couple of maps and

decide whether the food was edible, (it wasn’t, … but it was). I think we did more damage by running around, e.g. kicking the fire over and losing valuable water. New rules for midday stops were drawn up. The waste of water was the most upsetting aspect; days later, we would miss that pint of clean water. As I said earlier, no cause for alarm, unless it means you lose vital supplies! Later, with some light in the western sky, and having progressed some reasonable distance, we made camp and after a ghastly meal of Vesta curry, it rained, just a trickle but a rare event in the Gibson Desert. Prof Reginald V Q da Ghama IPA With kind permission of Jim Barr

Apologies to my reader for my absence this month - I am away in foreign climes!

1. I had my ponytail cut off 18 years ago, and it’s in a bag somewhere round the house. I must look it out. 2. ‘So what’s for dinner tonight?’ ‘Well, the wife’s been cleaning out the fish tank.’ 3. ‘I’m glad the clocks are going back - that means we get an extra night in bed.’ 4. ‘I best go home - see whether the wife’s got the frost off her face.’ 5. ‘I went to the library - it was absolutely stuffed with books.’

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Page 32

Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at

The Fuddler, November 2011  

A free, lighthearted publication from Ampthill, UK.

The Fuddler, November 2011  

A free, lighthearted publication from Ampthill, UK.