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NEED A LOCKSMITH? Please turn to our ad on page 30

Plus - All aspects of home security

Hello everybody and as always a huge welcome to this super sunny edition of your Fuddler! You’ll find the usual fun and nonsense inside, lots of local information and of course those all important messages from our advertisers. Please look carefully

through the edition as we all know: ‘Whatever you’re looking for - you’ll find it in The Fuddler!’ If you are off on holiday we hope you have a really great time and we’ll see you again in September. If you would like to advertise with us all our contact details are on page four of each issue.


See our ad on page 26

The Zonita is back at Parkside Hall Ampthill for a new season starting Sept 3rd. Matinee: UP Cert The Kings Speech Cert Doors open 1.15pm Evening Show starts performance 2.00pm Doors open Tickets 6.15pm Children Show starts £2.50 7.00pm Adults £5.00 Fully licensed bar and snack kiosk.

ARAGON WINDOWS Your local specialist in UPVC for:Windows, Doors, Patio Doors and French Doors, Conservatories Fascia, Soffit and Guttering Our windows and doors are 70mm internally glazed for security. All windows are fitted with fire hinges, locking handles, a twin action espagnolette mushroom headed bolt system, and with vent facility. Doors are fitted with claw and mortice lock, and panels are reinforced. Fully compliant with current FENSA Regulations, plus insurance backed guarantee.

CHRIS FREEMAN Tel/Fax 01525 403992 50 Russell Drive Ampthill Beds Established in 1990 and built on reputation

C&R PEST MANAGEMENT x40 Yrs experience xFully Insured xSpecial Rates for OAPS! Wasps, Rats, Mice, Rabbits, Moles, etc Free Estimate 01525 288207 07500 431131 NEED AN ELECTRICIAN? NIC-EIC Registered All electrical work Testing and Certification Free Estimates AMPTHILL ELECTRICAL SERVICES

01525 632921 07977173452

Lush Beauty MiniǦPedicure: —–‹…Ž‡•ǡŠƒ”†•‹”‡‘˜ƒŽƬ‡šˆ‘Ž‹ƒ–‹‘ ™‹–Š ‡Ž‘˜‡”Žƒ›ǡ Šƒ––‡”‘”ƒ‹Žˆ‘‹Ž•͉ʹͷǤͲͲ  BioSculptureGelNails IndividualEyelash  ƒ†•͉ʹͲǤͲͲ Extensions  ‘‡• ͉ͳͷǤͲͲ —ŽŽ•‡–͉ͶͲǤͲͲ  ƒ‹–‡ƒ…‡͉ʹͲǤͲͲ Specialoffer:  ƒ†• ƒ† ‘‡• ͉͵ͲǤͲͲ   ‘Sunjunkie’SprayTanning: —ŽŽ‘†›͉ʹͲǤͲͲ   ƒŽˆ‘†›͉ͳͷǤͲͲ  CallAlisontodayon07956467352 BasedinFlitwick Daytime,EveningandWeekendappointmentsavailable

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THIS IS A FREE ADMISSION EVENT! Bank holiday Sunday 28th August come join us outside on our terrace & green for Reggae Reggae/Ska Sun-splash Day. Live Bands performing are "Ampthill's Festival Legends" New Groove Formation, The Defectors & Dj's playing summer Reggae music all afternoon/evening. Outdoor bars, BBQ's, stage & bouncy castles, make it a fun Sunday for the whole family. Starts 2pm finishes 9pm. Check for details.

With Summer here, isn’t it time you considered replacing those doors and windows? Or maybe a new conservatory to enjoy. Don’t compromise on style - call into our showroom and see our stunning range of doors and windows including “The Composite Door”.

No window or glazing job too small.


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Sharman Law S O L I C I T O R S Incorporating Sharman & Trethewy

The Solicitors who care for you, your family and your business 88 Dunstable Street, Ampthill Telephone: 01525 750 750 1 Harpur Street, Bedford Telephone: 01234 30 30 30 Email: Website:

Bank Holiday Monday the 29th August sees another chance to go along to the Old Sun pub in Ampthill and watch the ferrets race! There are five races during the course of the afternoon with the first challenge at around about 2.03 pm! The whole event is geared up to raise money for local charities and you have the chance for a flutter on each race, or if you prefer, you can go for the ‘Big One’ and make a small wager on the Accumulator bet which covers all 5 races during the afternoon and you could win the jackpot! The Sun’s ad is on page 7 .

‘On Friday 7th October 2011 we will be holding a sponsored fire walk challenge to be held at Alameda Middle School, Station Road, Ampthill to raise funds for Alameda School Association, The Firs Lower School PTA and Ampthill Scout Group. After 2 hours of intensive training you will be ready to walk barefoot over hot coals and begin the journey of a life time. Registration for this fantastic event is £25 (non refundable) and you will need to commit to raising at least £100 in sponsorship. Training starts at 6.30pm Fire walk starts at 8.30pm Licensed bar, refreshments, stalls and activities. Free entry for spectators! For a registration pack please go to or call Paul on 07973 898166

On Saturday 20th August, Ampthill Community Fire Station warmly welcomes you to their ‘Open Day’ between 1.00 pm and 4.00 pm. There are planned demonstrations, vehicles on display and fire safety advice. Refreshments will also be provided in aid of Macmillan Cancer care and a raffle. • Also watch out for details about a forthcoming Charity car wash and valet to be held at the Station.


Paws4Puppies JacquiStevenson Tel:01525718129or07900891827 i i i i i i i i i

Fully Qualified Apprentice Served Established 28 years Experts in all aspects Quality Guaranteed Public Liability Insured Reliable Professional Service Interior & Exterior FREE ESTIMATES

Tel: 01525 280176 Mob: 07759 240 414

“Paws4Walks”dogwalkingservice haveexpandedinto“Paws4Puppies”! 

Nowoffering“PuppyTrainingClasses” PuppyTrainingClasses £36forasixweekcourse 

Usingthelatest,positivetrainingmethods. Classesaredesignedforyouandyourpuppytohavefun. 


ClassesheldatFlitton&GreenfieldVillageHall OnThursdayevenings

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LORD DEE’S PONDERINGS Imagine my chagrin! I explained to Check-ItOut and Duster that someone had pointed out an article suggesting we may see the decline of the napkin. Well really! Please rest assured that we have proper napkins with napkin rings set at the dinner table each day.

So now you know.

RICHARDSON’S PLASTERING SERVICES All aspects of plastering undertaken Honest, reliable service, competitive prices Call Andy for a free quote

01525 717784 or 07940 396211 email- Established 30 Years / Fully Insured

Across: 1 Pares, 4 Sluice, 9 Tartine, 10 Chide, 11 Ogle, 12 Surface, 13 Dry, 14 Coda, 16 Tied, 18 Foe, 20 Tearful, 21 Gala, 24 Tried, 25 Consort, 26 Canals, 27 Greed.

Down: 1 Patron, 2 Rural, 3 Skit, 5 Lacerate, 6 Imitate, 7 Exeter, 8 Messy, 13 Daffodil, 15 Ovation, 17 Static, 18 Fleck, 19 Ranted, 22 Adore, 23 Snug. Many thanks again!



Really bad weather for St Swithin’s day even the table tennis got rained off in Huddersfield

Special Summer Deal

Visit our showroom. Over 70 modern and traditional fireplaces and stoves on display.

1, Woburn Street, 10% off Stoves Ampthill, Beds Valid on Tel: 01525 841199 orders placed in July & Mon - Fri: 10am - 5pm August Sat: 10am - 4pm Terms and conditions apply

Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at

“The Fuddler” is published by MDA Publications and printed by Fidelity. The views expressed herein are not necessarily those of the publisher. No part of this publication may be copied in any form or by any means without written permission of the Publisher. Copyright MDA Publications.

Like to book an ad, or ask about our absurdly low rates please ring Martin on

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‘It’s Summertime - and we make choosing your carpets so easy!’

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at!

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Electrical Contractor Domestic and Industrial Your local Electrical Contractor All types of testing and certification undertaken


*Maintenance *Drainage *Driveways

NICEIC Approved Contractor Working with Ampthill Town Council 11 Cedar Close, Ampthill, Bedford, MK45 2UD

Tel & Fax: 01525 714057

*Landscaping *Fencing


Contact: Andi Brackenridge T: 07789 681252 Email: Here’s another of Marjorie’s excellent brain teasers!













13 15 17














Across: 1 Kingdom (5) 4 Banquet (5) 10 Sharp, shrill sound (7) 11 Attain (5) 12 Torro (anag) (5) 13 Borne (7) 15 Help (4) 17 Shoulder scarf (5) 19 Colour (5) 22 Unconvincing (4) 25 Below (7) 27 Right hand page (5) 29 Heather (5) 30 Unprofessional (7) 31 Type of drum (5) 32 Wading bird (5)

Down: 2 Proclamation (5) 3 Flanking (7) 5 Mistake (5) 6 More unpleasant (7) 7 Churn (5) 8 Ergo (5) 9 Admonish (5) 14 Iota (4) 16 Cincture (4) 18 Leaning (7) 20 Incontrovertible (7) 21 Monastery (5) 23 Winning (5) 24 Fret (5) 26 Frighten (5) 28 Inexpensive (5) R







Front of house staff required for The French Horn in Steppingley Tel: 01525 720122 Good rates of pay. Please send CV to Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at



Sandra’s working her way through another big book (dictionary?) so she’s found lots more words for us! See whether or not this one jumps put at you. (Answer at the bottom of the page if it doesn’t!)





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What’s On at...THE


Ampthill. Tel.405466

10TH ANNUAL FERRET RACING MEETING BANK HOLIDAY MONDAY 29TH AUGUST The event will be held in aid of Keech Cottage and there is also the chance for people to win cash themselves by betting on individual races or

winning big on the accumulator! In the afternoon there will be a

barbeque and our new bouncy castle.

We look forward to seeing you there!!

“Fun for all the family!” When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at!

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AT HOME OR WORK Full and part valets, Hand washed and polished Seats and carpets cleaned Call Nigel on 01525 261485 Mobile 07977 605987 email:

Benedictus of the ‘9Tails’.......... It seemed for ever that Benedictus followed ‘Featherstone’ Luke – he was getting quite exhausted and felt he could not make this pursuit much longer….anyway what was he in pursuit of? He had absolutely no idea. All he was doing was obeying a command from Great Uncle Abraham to the challenge of bravery!... BRAVERY? he did not like the sound of that! Oh well… onwards. At last the two cats reached the town but to Bennie’s dismay they did not stop there; instead they scampered right through it and down a long lonely lane. There

at the bottom of the lane, lying in the ditch was a pipe ….and from this pipe came the most pitiful of cries. ‘Featherstone’ turned to Bennie to explain that ‘Smitten’ the cat from the butchers shop, who found great favour there because of her ability to keep down the mice population, had got herself stuck in this pipe and was too scared to try and come out. She must get home soon as she had kittens to feed…their fate lay in her hands. ‘Featherstone’ then went on to explain that he himself had tried to go down the pipe to help ‘Smitten’ but he knew he was too large because his whiskers would not go through the pipe without touching the sides. He needed help.


Installations,servicesandcallǦoutsfordomestic pumpingsystems,sewageandgroundwater 

Tel:07792895293 ~friendlyservice,competitiverates~ Bennie went to the end of the pipe and peered in…pitch black…silence because the plaintiff cries from ‘Smitten’ had stopped… Very creepy… However, Bennie gingerly stepped into the pipe and thankfully his whiskers cleared the sides …but only just….it was going to be tricky. He moved slowly down the pipe until he reached ‘Smitten’. It was obvious why she could go no further. Something was blocking the pipe. Bennie knew what he had to do, so with mews of encouragement he managed to persuade the very frightened ‘Smitten’ to move slowly backwards as he himself moved. At first she was reluctant, frozen to the spot but Bennie did not give up….eight

paws got moving……. and finally it worked for out of the pipe, backward – naturally, came Bennie followed by ‘Smitten’ She did not wait to thank him but was off in a flash towards town …cheek! Featherstone too was gone… mystery!...but where?...not a trace. All very puzzling. Then once again Bennie heard the voice of Great uncle Abraham “Do we move through time? Or does it move through us? Yesterday is not as far from you as you think and tomorrow is much near than you imagine. You can bring it forward most delightfully today….Bennie, you must return to the church whe re the ke y awaits you”………… (Copyright reserved)

Especially You Hair Design We would like to invite you to help celebrate the opening of Shefford’s new modern Hairdressing Salon 10% off your first treatment with this advertisement! 10 High Street, Shefford SG17 5DG 07500900981 Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at

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Integrated Clinical Excellence Making life more flexible Structural, Cranial and Visceral Osteopathy at ICE Deborah Pedley BSc(Hons)Ost Alice Wilkins B.Ost Med Fully qualified and experienced osteopaths Deborah and Alice offer friendly, effective treatment to help you with: x x x x x x

Back pain Sports injuries Postural problems Muscle tension Digestive problems Repetitive strain injury Daytime and evening appointments available

Tel : 01525 841845 ICE, 35 Russell Drive, Ampthill, Beds., MK45 2TX

Registered Member of The British Chiropody and Podiatry Association HPC Registration No. CH17913

THERESE GRAY FSSCh. Dip Pod Med. MBChA. Chiropodist/Podiatrist Surgery By Appointment

Telephone: 01525 841845 Email: Do not let flip flops spoil your summer holiday ......... Orthotic flip flops available. Effective treatment for shin splints.... heel pain.... back pain and tired aching feet. Ring the clinic and ask for details or make an appointment and give your feet the care they deserve.

ICE Integrated Clinical Excellence 35 Russell Drive Ampthill MK45 2TX

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at!

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ANTIQUES TO SELL? Talk to Elfyn at Town Hall Antiques. Established in 1993 we are always looking to buy, from single items to whole collections. Market Place, Woburn, Beds. MK17 9PZ Open Every Day

Tel: 01525 290950 email:

With Jimmy The Voice JTV has once again sent us some nonsense! In the picture below, do you see two rows of tables or are there six sets of 2 faces looking at each other?

Let Pete Take Care of Your Feet! The Yard, Rear of Cheeseman’s Chemists Shop

By Julio Van Peebles 1) Do people who stand right on your shoulder at supermarket checkouts think they are going to get out quicker ? 2) Has anyone ever been called Penelope Black ? 3) Do Japanese people get tattoos in English ? 4) Why do bagels have a hole in the middle ? 5) Why do people often return from their holiday more shattered than when they went ? Julio’s Top Tip: If you are a lorry driver, make time appear to stand still by attempting to overtake another lorry without actually accelerating !!

We can’t work it out! We think that JTV ought to come in from the sun!

Auntie Mags - Congratulations on your 70th 60th Birthday on the 11th August!

Now’s the time to have your shoes repaired in time for winter!! Please note the shop is closed from the 14th August and re-opens on the 24th.

Birthday greetings to Brian on the 7th August


‘We fink that Fluffy has gone on holiday this month’

Happy Birthday to my Mummy & Daddy for 12th & 15th Lots of Love from Maddi and Nannie Cabbage xxxxx

Skip and Helen welcome you to

THE OSSORY ARMS 9 Arthur Street, Ampthill Helen 07791 908 699 Skip 07711 000 628 BAR MENU

Served all day every day


All major sports events shown here .... QUIZ NIGHT EVERY THURSDAY???

CHARITY QUIZ NIGHT Thursday 1st September


ask at the bar for more details

£5.50 served with rice + nan + poppadoms

BREAKFAST SERVED From 10.30 Fri/Sat And from 9.30 0n Sun

Skip’s £5.50 Bell’s £4.00

Unlimited tea/coffee

CHARITY FOOTBALL MATCH Saturday 3rd September Queensmans pitch kick off 2.00pm Ossory Arms v Old Sun Friday 9th September

GOLF SOCIETY DAY ask Skip for details

Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at

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JH ELECTRICAL 34, Dunstable Street, Ampthill MK45 2JT





All electrical work undertaken email:

Following Henry Flagstaff’s advice, Babs trotted off to the local library hoping to find a good book to read. However a few days later she returned the book and complained to the librarian at the counter: ‘This book is very boring. It has far too many characters, I don’t understand the plot and there are also too many numbers. Please may I return it.’ she said sensibly. The librarian turned to the other librarian and exclaimed ‘So here’s the lady who took our telephone book.’

x x x x x x x


And … Lots More!



Beauty tip: Never put flowers in your nose. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day, drinking beer. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is. My friends husband is so silly that he went looking for a glow in the dark sun dial. Have you noticed how relaxed you feel when you remove your watch? Remove yours occasionally to escape the pressures of time. Never do today what you can put off until a week next Tuesday. I can’t go back to your place. Two people won’t fit under a rock. The day your Mother approves of your hairstyle - it’s the beginning of the end. The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who got there first. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

Extensions Conservatories & Windows Kitchens & Bathrooms Fencing Patios Electrical


1. Where would you find an ‘Axletree’? 2. When was the battle of ‘Aachen’? 3. ‘Array’ is the collective noun for which creature? 4. What is a ‘Falchion’? 5. In which county in the UK is there a place called ‘Crackpot’? 6. Who played Dr Who’s assistant ’Dodo Chaplet’? 7. What is a ‘Musette’? 8. Who presented Blue Peter from 1992-4? 9. What is a ‘Wahoo’? 10.I f y o u s u f f e r e d f r o m ‘Achluophobia’, of what would you be afraid? 1 Watermill, 2 1944 (WWII), 3 Hedgehog, 4 Sword, 5 N. Yorks, 6 Jackie Lane, 7 Small French bagpipe, 8 Anthea Turner, 9 Fish, 10 Darkness.



(OPENING TIMES) Mon - Sat 9.00 - 5.00 Closed Sunday

Building Preservation Specialists x

Damp Proofing


Woodworm Treatments


Dry / Wet Rot Treatments


Basement Waterproofing

Telephone/Fax (01525) 406655 Mobile: 07850 727752 email:

16 Tavistock Avenue, Ampthill, Bedford. MK45 2RY When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at!

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The Number 1 Ironing and Laundry Service Professional, high quality and friendly service Dry cleaning & alterations Free delivery and collection Drop-in and collect service available ( Open from 8 am daily )

Optional same day service For further information contact


01525 841114 Or see our website at

31, Russell Drive, Ampthill MK45 2TX

CANCER (June 22-July 23) New ideas or projects seem to be indicated over the next few weeks. It could lead to be an exciting time but probably not one without pitfalls.

CAPRICORN (Dec 23-Jan 20) There seems to be a forthcoming opportunity on the horizon. This could involve a new or rekindled romantic interlude.

LEO (July 24-August 23) With the current planetary aspects as they are, there could well be a critical choice to be made. Best to thoroughly examine everything before deciding.

AQUARIUS (Jan 21-Feb 19) Be careful to watch expenditure over the next few weeks as you never know when an unexpected bill could arrive and throw your plans out.

VIRGO (Aug 24-Sept 23) The good old travel bug seems to have got you. Whether it is just a holiday or something more far reaching is not clear at this time.

PISCES (Feb 20-March 20) It may well be time to jump at a new chance if it is presented to you in the correct way. Be sure to look at all the details before deciding.

LIBRA (Sept 24-Oct 23) Someone could be about to enter your life with fascinating proposals which could affect your working life. Examine all with a fine tooth comb.

ARIES (March 21-April 20) You seem to be very decisive at the moment with plenty of different things on the agenda. Remember to keep the momentum going.

SCORPIO (Oct 24-Nov 22) With the new moon at the end of this month could come an abundance of fresh ideas. Why not go with the flow and see where it takes you.

TAURUS (April 21-May 21) It is possible that things look a little gloomy on the work front. However, there should be a light appearing at the end of the tunnel shortly.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov 23-Dec 22) There could be a change soon in the way you are looking at things. Be sure to heed appropriate advice before making a commitment.

GEMINI (May 22-June 21) It may now be a good time to throw caution to the wind and get on with what you really want to do. Planetary alignments indicate good fortune.

Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at

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Our new promotions are about to begin, So let me tell what great deals we have in. Let me start with kids sweets any 10 for a £1 Which are out on display in our promotional baskets, so they can be easily found. With a selection of sweets from which you can choose, With a great deal like this as a customer you cannot lose. Also with randoms, milky bar, fruit pastilles and more, They’re 3 for £1.30 again on sale in our store. We have 2 packs of Walker’s crisps for just 90p Which are on display by the tills, so they’re easy to see. You can buy a coke 330ml and a mars bar std for just £1 Another great offer in Martins to be found. With 4 pack of cans tango, and sprite for again only one pound, We have over 300 so please spread the word around. There are many other great offers on display in our store So pop in and see us, so we can show you many more. Oh and I nearly forgot to tell you about Some of the new products that have just come in, Like skittle crazy cores, guzzle puzzles, and turbo tango drinks, With names like that, that’s going to make you think, ( WHAT ARE THEY?). YOUR LOCAL NEWSAGENT 17 CHURCH STREET AMPTHILL 01525 404096 ALL OFFERS WERE CORRECT GOING TO PRINT, BUT MAY BE SUBJECT TO CHANGE, AND WHILE STOCKS LAST.

Dunstable Street Ampthill

Tel: 01525 403319 email: Facebook Engine & Tender - Bar


FOOTBALL IS BACK! WATCH ALL LIVE SPORTS EVENTS IN HD Not to forget the Rugby World Cup! (Ask for details)

Great Value Quality Food Served Monday to Friday 12.00 - 2.00 Plus ...

GREAT NEW EVENING MENU Served Monday to Thursday 5.00 - 8.00

Choose from 10 dishes all at an incredible £5.00 each!! Please ring or pop in for more details

21st Sunday August

GHT QUIZ NItry £1.00 en izes Cash Pr

August Bank Holiday Monday BBQ!! Served fro m 2.00 pm

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at!

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OFFICE: SMART Motorcycle Training 38, Kings Road, Maulden, Beds MK45 2DT

TRAINING CENTRE: SMART Motorcycle Training, Redborne School, Ampthill, Beds MK45 2NU

Picture the scene, you have just returned home from a fantastic week abroad with the family, everyone is on a high. Unfortunately you have a weeks worth of washing to do, if that’s not bad enough you go to use the washing machine and it’s decided to pack up, give up and throw in the towel! A replacement is needed and fast, as some of your children are away again in a couple of days! Rest assured the latest in washing machine technology is only a call away. Super sized drums handling up to 12kg loads with spin speeds faster than an Aston Martin’s fan belt! Talking about speed one call to our hotline 01234 352107 will have our speedy delivery team removing your old machine, installing the new one, and testing everything is ok, all on the same day as your call! Now that’s service you will struggle to get anywhere else in Bedford. With the BBQ season fast approaching you really don’t want to get caught in the kitchen doing the dishes. So if you haven’t got a dishwasher, now is the time to get one. Some of the latest models can have a 12-place setting washed in less than 30 minutes. That’s quicker than dad can burn the sausages! Super Quiet modes won’t wake up granny taking her afternoon nap, and they all use less water. Hands up if you have had enough of all your remote controls. How many do you have two, three four or more? Well help is at hand, bring in your make and model numbers and we will program a simple to use all in one remote control for you. Say goodbye to an armchair full of remotes and hello to just the ONE. The answer as always is to speak to your local Independent Specialist to get professional information and a demonstration. Paul Mead - Michael R Peters, Tavistock Sound & Vision 01234 352107/356323 (See their ad on back page of this issue)

Constantia Clinic

01525 719588 Primary Care Physician* in Natural Medicine

Dr Julia Spivack BSc (Hons), DO, MSCC, MICO, Dip Hom, MSc (Ayur) Investigates, determines and treats the cause of disease for a wide range of common health issues in people of all ages eg eczema and other skin complaints, hayfever, whiplash, anxiety, depression, period pain and other menstrual problems, recurrent infections eg tonsillitis, chest infections. Specialist in women’s, babies and children’s health.

Plus: x x x x x

Classical osteopathic medicine Homeopathy Ayurvedic medicine Meditation Help with conception & pregnancy

x x x x x

Cranial Osteopathy Allergy diagnosis and treatment Life coaching Stress management Help with childhood asthma, eczema etc

Constantia Clinic, Rectory Road, Steppingley, Bedfordshire, MK45 5AT 100 yards from French Horn pub *Not a registered medical practitioner Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at

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NISA Store has now arrived at Westoning Post Office and Stores Telephone: 01525 712675

AS YOU KNOW - THE STORE IS UNDER NEW MANAGEMENT It’s exciting times here in Westoning as our refurbishment is now complete!

GRAND OPENING VERY SOON! Now .... even LONGER opening hours ... Monday to Friday 6am to 9pm Saturday 7am to 9pm Sunday 7am to 7pm Post Office 9 am to 5.30 pm Mon - Fri, Saturday 9 am to 12.30 pm

Special offers in store and leaflets will be arriving through your door soon .....

Come in and see the changes and meet the friendly staff and owners Harvey, Sarina, Tara and Kay

Debit & Credit Card Payments accepted - ATM Machine arriving soon When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at!

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Times to suit you. 1st assessment FREE 45 mins lessons AGES 6 to 60

2 bedroom house in Ampthill, Gas CH, available 1st September ÂŁ600.00 pcm

Call 07400 294499 or 07958 479530 for more details

For further information contact

Guy on 07811 364 328

Here’s a little more whimsy from one of our readers:

A three-legged dog walked into a saloon in the Old West. He slid up to the bar and announced: ‘I'm looking for the man who shot my paw.’ A sandwich walked into a bar. The barman said ‘Sorry we don't serve food in here’. Oh Dear! But thanks! Happy Birthday Susan. Lots of Love. Jim, Richard & Vera.

Loads of licks from Boris the original Heinz Variety!!!

With Mrs Pinkleton

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT LOVE & MARRIAGE? ‘If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don't want to do it. It takes too long.’ Simon, age 7 ‘Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife.’ Terry, age 5 ‘Love is the most important thing in the world, but football is pretty good too.’ John, age 8 ‘I think you're supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn't supposed to be so painful.’ Mark, age 8 ‘One of you should know how to write a cheque. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills.’ Eve, age 8

Congratulations to Simon and Harriet on their 4th Wedding Anniversary on the 3rd August

"true love in this differs from gold and clay... that to divide is not to take away" (Shelley)

Remembering you Lionheart on what would have been your birthday, September 4th. Love Meerkat. Thought for the month You can't teach an old leopard new spots! Happy Anniversary Sarah & Iain for the 12th lots of love Mum & Maddi xxxxx







ZZZTXHVWKROLGD\VFRXN Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at

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YOUR LOCAL Memory Foam Mattresses Direct from the manufacturer at trade prices!

No.1 For Scooters, Stairlifts & Mobility Can’t get to us? Call now to organise a free no pressure home demonstration with one of our friendly sales advisors.

Curved & Straight stairlifts available. AtȱComfortȱMattressȱweȱmanufactureȱ andȱdistributeȱhighȱqualityȱȱ MemoryȱFoamȱmattressesȱlocallyȱ fromȱShefford.ȱ Weȱsellȱdirectȱtoȱtheȱpublicȱandȱtradeȱ cuttingȱoutȱtheȱmiddleȱmen,ȱallowingȱ usȱtoȱsellȱaȱrangeȱofȱfoamȱproductsȱatȱȱ FANTASTICȱlowȱprices!!ȱ Takeȱadvantageȱofȱmassiveȱ discountedȱpricesȱonlyȱavailableȱȱ fromȱourȱFactoryȱOutletȱatȱȱ 12CȱOldbridgeȱWay,ȱSheffordȱȱ IndȱEst,ȱBedsȱSG17ȱ5HQȱ 30% Discount off web site prices with this voucher. Not to used with any other offer

New and used Scooters, part ex welcome. Wheelchairs, Ramps, Walking Sticks, Grab Rails, Tri-Walkers, Rollators, Bathlifts, Waterproof Clothing & much more. For more information call us or visit our website at

WWW.COMFORT MATTRESS.CO.UK When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at!

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CONTINUATION OF ROCKET’S GRAND TOUR ON A BMW MOTORCYCLE (copied from his daily journal) Part 2 of Day 8 (Continued from last month)

Drove round Ceurta looking for insurance places. You can only obtain it here, could not find anywhere, so I thought I might just go down to the border and try to blag my way through! (Cuerta is a Spanish held port in Morroco) I rode towards the frontier and sat there, then spoke to an old man with no teeth who informed me I was in the wrong lane. He got me over to the correct one and took over from there really. He filled in all the forms I needed to get me and the bike into Morroco, when it came to insurance he said I could get it in Fez, but I would have to take a guide with me. The last border guard to pull me over was a laugh, Ha Ha, he came storming over shouting in Arabic, then smiled and shook my hand and said “welcome to Morocco” and waved me on. The toothless fellow pushed forward another little bloke and said , “he go with you”, what to Fez, I said. No you want to go to Tetouan, much better! Now go, so I moved my sleeping bag and tent onto my top box and he jumped on the back of my bike and off we went, it happened so quickly I forgot to put my helmet back on, a Moroccan policeman pointed and shouted, so I stopped with my little guide still on the back and put it on. We rode down to Tetouan, it was very much like the Spanish countryside, very clean on the way down. We then pulled into the Paris Hotel, it may sound posh, but trust me it was not! My guide said “ You go get shower, Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at

change things, I show you round, we get money changed and insurance.”, to which I replied ”How much”, he said “don’t worry about that now”. I kept asking him, he kept telling me not to worry. I said I had not got much money, he then started to add up in his head “€200, he said. I said I have not got that much, he said, I do special deal €100, I said no I can’t afford that (trying to do my best Ian Roberts impression), after I had my shower we settled on £60 sterling which I was happy to pay, as without him I would still be in that Spanish hell hole Ceurta. I left my bike in the hotel garage and went with Mohamed-he was a man of his word, he took me to exchange some money, where he exchanged some too. Then to an insurance brokers, while explaining all about The Great Palace where the King resides. We went up stairs to see the insurance broker, who was a bored kinder looking man with a stinking cold by the sounds of him. He took my documents, tapped something in his computer, then walked round to another computer and gave me an insurance certificate for 5 days at a cost of 480 dirham. ( £37-52p ). Mohammed then took me round the markets in loads of little back alleys I was very unnerved, a busy hustle and bustle of all colours of people. Everything you could imagine for sale, from shoes to live chickens ( which one would you like sir?) they kill and butcher them on the spot! He then took me to a tannery, owned by one of the richest families in town, where they cure hides. The smell was overpowering, even for me! To be continued ...

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10 - 9 - 8 - 7 - 6 ..... THE COUNTDOWN HAS STARTED!! The kitchen refurbishment is now well under way and we expect to shortly announce the resumption of Daniel’s famous Sunday Lunches ... watch this space!

NEW OPENING TIMES Due to popular demand we are pleased to say we are now open from 3.00 pm to close on Monday to Thursday and 12.00 noon to close on Friday, Saturday & Sunday

REAL ALES Up to 8 real ales now available to enjoy in the bars or on our sunny side patio!

QUIZ NIGHT EVERY WEDNESDAY With our resident Quizmaster and his lovely assistant, or sometimes a guest quizmaster starts at 9.00 pm and is open to all at no charge - why not come along and have a go?

Comealongandmeetahostoflocalweddingspecialistsand viewoursuperbManorHouse AutumnWeddingFayreSunday18thSeptember201111.00amͲ3.00pm WinterWeddingFayreSunday26thFebruary201211.00amͲ3.00pm

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BOB AMBLER HOME DESIGNS Carpentry Kitchens - Bedrooms Home Offices - Bathrooms Replacement Kitchen Doors Worktops and Built in Appliances A complete design, supply and installation service

01525 405393 ans. phone Mobile: 07889 058345 KEEP THE DOORS SHUT WHILE THE PLANE IS IN THE AIR! (continued from last month) Melbourne Victoria Australia 1976 Many stories arose from that journey before we reached Alice and our time in Alice was quite eventful as well. Quite a while later, back in Melbourne, I got work as a service technician with Rank Xerox, this meant 3 weeks training in Sydney. One of the instructors had also learned to fly and having got to a total of 90 hours was keen to get as much practise as possible. Jean came up to visit for a week, she had relatives to meet in Sydney and could stay in the Hotel with me at no

extra cost and on one weekend, we hired a four seat plane and flew about 60 miles up the coast for a picnic, my instructor brought his wife along and it was a good break from study. Now although I had flown solo, I did not have a full licence so technically I should have NOT done as much of the flying as I did on that trip but it was all very relaxed. When we were ready to return, we did all the preflight checks and eventually headed off down the bush runway and were soon at about 150 feet up, it was then that I realised my door was not shut properly. I should point out at this point that the fin on an aircraft includes a small vertical hinged strip at the back called

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the rudder, you knew that, it is mainly used to assist in turns and over zealous use can cause quite dramatic effects. The door of this plane was probably 10 times the size of the rudder and without any warning I stupidly opened the door by about 6 inches and slammed it shut. The effect was “interesting” and it took several seconds for our pilot to correct, at 150 feet, those few seconds were even “more interesting”. He must have been on something; he did not even chastise me for being a total idiot and even let my fly most of the way home until we were on final, when thankfully he took over. Prof Reginald V Q da Ghama IPA With kind permission of Jim Barr

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Page 21

Saturday 3rd September sees the 7th Annual Charity Clay Shoot to be held at Rosehill Farm, Shillington SG5 3HE, this year raising funds for Keech Cottage Children’s Hospice. The day consists of 60 – 70 bird competition, with a hospitality area to be proud of. Offering breakfast rolls, BBQ lunch, beer tent, entertainment, raffles, and auction. Registration is from 9.00 am with shooting from 9.30 and entry is £20.00. Top prize is £100.00, with £60.00 2nd prize and £40.00 3rd. To book or for more information please see or ring Paul Glenister 07721 783758, Jason Cooper 07770 334692 or Ian Cooper 07795 201809

Now is your opportunity to book a stall at the famous Woburn Oyster Festival’s annual Antiques Fleamarket. By public demand the Fleamarket will be at The Pitchings on both the 10th and 11th September this year. So if your are a stall holder and would like to book your pitch please ring Elfyn or Elaine at Town Hall Antiques on 01525 290950. The Craft Fair at the Oyster Festival will also operate on the 10th and 11th September at the Churchyard. If you are interested in having a stall at the Craft fair please ring Ken or Sue on 01525 290352.

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The accommodation comprises of the following Living room, Bedroom, En-suite bathroom, Kitchen with R e f r i g e r a t o r, M i c r o w a v e , Dishwasher, washing machine, Oven and Hob, Breakfast/Dining area, Hallway. There is a separate patio area and garden which is exclusive to the apartment. The apartment also has it’s own entrance and private parking place. The price per week is £175 which includes, Gas, electricity,water, television and the services of our gardener. The apartment has been fully renovated with new bathroom, Kitchen and has fully fitted carpets and curtains throughout. It is fully furnished with quality furniture. Contact: Michael on 01525 718729 or 07500 838695


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Page 22

Big Al’s Texan Chilli When I was in Texas earlier this year I was given this recipe by the chef and he advised me to try and get as many of the ingredients as possible and follow the recipe as closely as you can to allow you to experience the unique and wonderful flavour of this chilli. Once you have done so, you change your recipe according to taste. The Mexican oregano and the fresh and dried chillies are available at a very reasonable price from It’s worth it... The following ingredients are for 6-8 people and is slow cooked, cooking time is 2 ½ hours. Ingredients Beef dripping or vegetable oil 1 kg good quality mince 2 fairly large onions chopped 3 - 4 cloves garlic - finely chopped 500 ml freshly brewed filter coffee 2 chipotle chillies - dried 2 ancho chillies - dried

1 tsp cumin seeds - toasted 2 tsp’s chilli powder 1 tsp dark brown muscavado sugar 2 - 3 fresh long green chillies 1 tin 400g kidney beans – drained Rock salt Heat the dripping or oil in a large heavy bottomed pan on a high heat and gradually add the mince and brown. Add the chopped onions to the pan and gently mix in until the onions are soft and add the coffee and stir. Turn the heat down and add the garlic. Using a pestle & mortar, grind up the chipotle and

Ampthill presents… *First on... THURSDAY 1ST SEPTEMBER

ancho chillies with the cumin seeds and the rock salt and place to one side. After 2 hours of simmering, stir in the Mexican oregano and the chilli powder. Add the other ground spices to the pan along with the muscavado sugar and fresh chillies. Simmer partly covered for a further 30 min’s adding a little water if it appears too dry. 10 min’s from the end add the drained kidney beans. Serve in a bowl ideally with cornbread or corn tortillas and a glass or three of some chilled Texan pale ale Well, thanks for that Big Al we’ll give it a go!!

Then the main event… SATURDAY 3RD SEPTEMBER K/O 4PM




THE OSSORY ARMS CHARITY FOOTBALL QUIZ STARTING 8:30PM Come along and play to win great prizes, and raise money for two great charities home and away!! THE WARM UP FOR THE BIG MATCH

Get your thinking caps on!!!

THE OSSORY ARMS The match is being held at Queensmans football ground (opposite ampthill park) EVERYONE’S WELCOME Free entrance COME AND SHOW YOUR SUPPORT

All proceeds to Keech Cottage Childrens Hospice and Gambia. BBQ & presentation @ The Old Sun after! Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at

Page 23

t us e i s i & v ft stor e Com 0 sq. from 0 s 6 e t ur 3 inu e a at o 20 m r y &a l l l n i o p th Am

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Page 24

FARMERS MARKETS The Farmers Market in Woburn is held on the third Sunday of every month at The Pitchings, whilst Ampthill Farmers Market is held on the last Saturday of each month at their new home at The Prince of Wales in Bedford Street, Ampthill.

Don’t forget The Charter Market in Ampthill every Thursday and Flitwick Market on Fridays!

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With Ann, Robin & Son, For your delectation and pleasure, here are some more of those unbelievable answers that contestants have come up with on various game shows.

A Boy's name beginning with the letter J: ................. ‘Gerald’ A word beginning with Z: ................................... ‘Xylophone’ A measurement of liquid: ............................................. ‘Paint’ A place you would keep a pen: ...................................‘A zoo’ Something you make into a ball: ...................................‘Eggs’ A game that uses a black ball: ......................................‘Darts’ A sign of the Zodiac: ...................................................‘April’ An animal used as a form of transport: .....................‘A turtle’ Something that makes you scream: .......................‘A squirrel’ AUGUST 7th Happy Birthday Mum (Mabel) Lots of love Martin xx


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Happy Birthday Havers for the 28th August!

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Page 25

Now open in Ampthill




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Page 26

Dick Molloy


Local Painter & Decorator Free quotations


07872 938037

Experienced Mechanic

28 years experience

1. ‘I’ve got a meeting at 1.30 so I’ll leave at a quarter to two to make sure I’m on time.’ 2. ‘The wife asked me if I knew how to thicken the casserole - I said no that’s why I married you.’ 3. ‘ I went to the supermarket without my shopping list, so I hunted around for a trolley with someone else’s list in case I got inspiration.’ Happy Birthday to Heather for the 2nd August

By Henry Flagstaff

Gladys was ensconced in the kitchen making cakes for her friends who were coming round for high tea, the cat was all right so I took the opportunity to pop up to see the lovely ladies in the library and select a tome which I could read whilst aforementioned high tea was going on. A James Patterson novel entitled ‘Cross Country’

caught my eye featuring his splendid character Alex Cross. An absolutely gripping tale involving a dangerous underworld in the heart of Washington DC, and Cross’s tracking through Africa of a psychopathic leader of a fearsome gang of killers. Great stuff! The malt was splendid and the wingback comfy as ever! May have some tea after all.


Lis - a very Happy Birthday to you for the 15th August - love Honky xx

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Spotted by eagle eyed readers who have very kindly sent these in: AIRLINE TICKET COUNTER, HOLLAND : We take your bags and send them in all directions. DOCTORS OFFICE, ROME : Specialist in women and other diseases. COCKTAIL LOUNGE NORWAY : Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar. Thanks again for these!

Page 27

With Al B. Suppin

xAccording to The Code of Hammurabi of ancient Babylonia (c. 1750 B.C.) a merchant could be put to death for diluting beer. xIn Germany there is a beer ice cream in popsicle form. Its alcohol content is lower than that of classic beer. xIn Medieval Europe, brewing and baking went together. Thus women were the first European brewers and were often called ale wives. xKing Frederick the Great once banned coffee to bolster sagging beer sales xIn Babylon over 4000 years ago, it was customary for the bride's father to supply his new son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. As mead is a honey beer and their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the 'honey month' – or what we know today as the 'honeymoon'. In fact, Babylonians believed if the groom drank mead for an entire month, it enhanced the chances of his wife bearing a male heir. xIn Bavaria, beer is legally defined as a staple food. xIn 1116 BC, Chinese imperial edict stated that heaven required people to drink beer.

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Our grateful thanks once again Al!

Happy Birthday Tash for the 1st August

Congratulations to Big Al on getting his ‘O’ level !!



Ampthill TV is a project to produce a pictorial showcase of Ampthill and Ampthill life so that news, events and local talent can be recorded for posterity and available to view free on the internet. The Ampthill Festival weekend this year featured the talent of the Lightning Seeds, Pearl Handled Revolver, Betaboy, Enraged Horizon, Ampthill Rock Choir, Ampthill Town Band, Ampthill Concert Orchestra, Redborne Jazz Band, Louise Owen, Bonaventura Bottone plus several local groups and other Gala Day attractions. The highlights will appear on ATV over the next month or so followed by the sale of three double DVD or HD Blu-ray albums available sometime in the autumn. All proceeds go to Ampthill Festival funds. When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at!

Page 28

T Butlin Building and Plastering Est 1987

For your extensions, renovations, alterations, Upvc fascias / soffitts, guttering, block paving and all plastering. Tel: 01525 405670 / Mob: 07778 680393

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Impressions Female decorators All aspects of painting and decorating. With female finesse to make the most of your home Tel 01234 751282 or 01525 405670 / Mob: 07944 710179

With Geoffrey THE Golfer

Jonathan had retired and had been given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers as a leaving present. Thinking he'd try the game, he went along to the local golf course and asked the pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatever of the game. The pro showed him the stance and swing, then told Jonathan to just hit the ball

With Percy Veere At the height of the gale, the harbour master radioed a coast guard and asked him to estimate the wind speed. He replied he was sorry, but he didn't have a gauge. However, if it was any help, the wind had just blown his Land Rover off the cliff.

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towards the flag on the first green. Jonathan then teed up and struck the ball straight down the fairway and onto the green, where it stopped just inches from the hole. ‘What happens now?’ he asked the speechless pro. ‘Uh... you're supposed to hit the ball into the cup.’ the pro finally said, after he was able to speak again. ‘Oh great ! so NOW you tell me.’ said Jonathan in a disgusted tone. GTG

Another true story from the files of our crime correspondent: A man in Arkansas, US, was arrested for robbing a series of vending machines. He strenuously denied all charges and at the preliminary court hearing he was granted bail at $300. He promptly paid this in quarters!

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With Lauren Louella Boughalls

Hello again and wow! Lots of readers correctly identified last month’s picture as being Church Street Ampthill (we think taken in the late 1800’s). So a big thank you to Peter, Mike, Josh, Bob, Miriam, Jenny, Dave and everyone else who sent in the correct answer! (Sorry if I haven’t named you but space is limited.) Algi and I have been inspired by the old pictures that a Fuddler reader has been sending in, so we have found this charming picture for you. Can you recognise where it is?

Answers by email to or on a postcard to The Fuddler, PO Box 756 Ampthill Bedford MK45 2WZ Answer next month!



LouiseȱandȱJamesȱwelcomeȱyouȱtoȱtheirȱrealȱ countryȱpubȱinȱaȱfabulousȱvillageȱlocationȱ onlyȱaȱcoupleȱofȱminutesȱfromȱȱ WoburnȱSafariȱPark.ȱȱ ȱȱ

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Page 30

Here we bring you some more observations and tales from the whimsical world of Montgolfier: A friend told me that his wife always calls him ‘John Dear’. He said he was beginning to feel like a tractor. I bought a coffee table and underneath is a sticker saying ‘See warning before use.’ I’ve no idea what the warning is. I went into the gents hairdresser and asked for a Tony Curtis haircut. He seemed to be taking a lot off so I queried it. He sais ‘I saw Tony Curtis in The King and I’. I read on a leaflet that the night sentries at a castle in 1322 were paid 1/2d a night. That is less than our 1p. But they could buy over 2 gallons of beer which would now cost you about ?? So the space shuttle has now eventually been retired. In it’s lifetime it had covered a total of 123,000,000 miles with 4,671 orbits. On it’s last trip it covered 6,500,000 miles. On it’s total mileage my car would have used 41,000,000 gallons of diesel at a cost of £205,000,000. If you have a smaller car you could have bettered this. What fuel did the shuttle use? Why are the waists of men’s trousers measured in even numbers and the legs measured in odd numbers? In my local store an item is on sale at £1.25 or 2 for £1.00 Bargain or mistake? On the shore of Lochlinnhe we found a lovely skull and we could not figure out which creature it could have come from. When we arrived in Wigtown we went into the museum and found out it was from a porpoise. As they hadn’t got one we left it with them.

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Page 31

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Episode 26 Pt 3 .............The Rock On arrival in Gibraltar it was immediately evident that this was a very important naval base and busy merchant highway. As we entered the harbour area there were container ships and tankers of all shapes, sizes and from many different nations, I remember having a game of “recognising the flag” with one of my school chums. It seemed to take forever getting to the mooring but at least it meant that we had a great view of the Island and of the ‘Rock of Gibraltar’ which was one of the Pillars of Hercules and was known to the Romans as Mons Calpe, the other pillar being Mons Abyla or Jebel Musa on the African


side of the body of water that separates the island from Africa, the ‘Straits of Gibraltar’. In ancient times the two points marked the limit to the known world, a myth originally fostered by the Phoenicians. As we continued into the harbour we were treated to a wonderful view of the then flagship of the Royal Navy, HMS Ark Royal. I remember when I was about 7yrs old, trying to build an Airfix model of this aircraft carrier and that it took almost two years to complete and it was obvious that I had not done her any justice at all. We eventually docked and were shepherded off the ship down the gangway. It was a very long walk from the docks to the town of Gibraltar and it was immediately obvious that this Island was very British,

tel: 01525 633336 and that the British wanted to make sure that everybody who visited, left not in two minds that it was British. There were red post boxes and telephone booths, the policemen looked exactly like the ones back home and there were British cars with British registration plates as well as all the usual high street shops. The only real differences, apart from the weather, were the shopkeepers who were all foreign. I was not aware at the time of the tax haven that existed in Gibraltar and the political battle between the Spanish over ownership of the Island. We visited the Moorish Castle on top of the Rock which is a relic of the Moorish occupation of Gibraltar, which lasted for 710 years. It was built in the year A.D. 711. I was unaware at the time, of the Neanderthal

remains that were discovered here in one of the caves, Gorham’s Cave. The date of the Neanderthals presence in Gibraltar are thought to be around 24,000 years ago, the Neanderthals were believed to have died out about 35,000 years ago, at a time when modern humans were advancing across the continent so this could be one of the last refugia for the species, if the dates are correct. Incidentally my only other visit to Gibraltar was in 2009 when I attended a conference concerning the anniversaries of the archaeological finds and Charles Darwin’s On the Origin of Species. We returned to the SS Uganda and set off for our next port of call, Malaga in Spain. To be continued............

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The Fuddler August 2011  

A free, lighthearted publication from Ampthill, UK

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