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Est. 2002

Dog Holiday Care Overnight stays and holiday care in our home - a great alternative to kennels. Walks in the local countryside Est over 14 years Collection available DAWN SMITH Tel: 01234 764459 Mobile: 07789 585766 www.dogholidays.vpweb.co.uk alfred.smiths@btinternet.com Overnight Stays, Day Care & Walks

C&R PEST MANAGEMENT x40 Yrs experience xFully Insured xSpecial Rates for OAPS! Wasps, Rats, Mice, Rabbits, Moles, etc Free Estimate 01525 288207 07500 431131

Hello everyone and a massive welcome to your packed July edition of The Fuddler and it is an amazing 11 years since your Fuddler first appeared! You’ll find all the usual fun and nonsense inside plus of course those all important messages from our advertisers showing as we all know - ‘Whatever you are

looking for - you’ll find it in The Fuddler!’ May we say a very big thank you to all our advertisers, contributors and readers for keeping The Fuddler as popular as it is today! If you would like to advertise with us you’ll find all our contact details on page four of each issue.

NEED AN ELECTRICIAN? NIC-EIC Registered All electrical work Testing and Certification Free Estimates AMPTHILL ELECTRICAL SERVICES

01525 632921 07977173452

EXCITING OPPORTUNITY FOR HAIRDRESSERS, BEAUTICIANS, NAIL TECHNICIANS AND ALL OTHER AFFILIATED PROFESSIONS

Sick PC or laptop?

A limited number of spaces are available to rent in a well established, centrally located salon and all on very good terms.

Call the Doc for Hardware & software Diagnosis & treatment

Please call 07970 467805 for more

01525-402227

details or email info@kevinreynolds.info

john.stafford@compu-doc.biz

  

HWAͲRANG 

i i i i i i i i i

Fully Qualified Apprentice Served Established 28 years Experts in all aspects Quality Guaranteed Public Liability Insured Reliable Professional Service Interior & Exterior FREE ESTIMATES

Tel: 01525 280176 Mob: 07759 240 414

    

SCHOOLOF

TAEKWONDO AMPTHILL TAEKWONDOFORSELFDEFENCE FITNESS&SELFCONFIDENCE

BEGINNERSCOURSE  TUESDAYS@7PMFIRS

SUITABLEFORADULTS&CHILDREN

LOWERSCHOOL

CRBCHECKED&FULLYINSURED4TH DANBLACKBELTINSTRUCTOR

THURSDAYS@6.15PM RUSSELLLOWER

TEL01234343221

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

SCHOOL


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With Summer here, isn’t it time you considered replacing those doors and windows? Or maybe a new conservatory to enjoy. Don’t compromise on style - call into our showroom and see our stunning range of doors and windows including “The Composite Door”.

No window or glazing job too small.

33, RUSSELL DRIVE AMPTHILL

Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com


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T.H.E. BEST BUTCHERS

Didyouhearaboutthecannibal Accountant? Hechargesanarmandaleg!

* INTERESTING RANGE OF SPECIALITY SAUSAGES

Accounts,Payroll,Bookkeeping,Tax,BusinessAdvice ...andmuchmore. Ringtobookafree,noͲobligationmeetingtoday!

Telephone (01908) 375275 www.bestbutcher.co.uk

Unit 5, Lower Rectory Farm, Great Brickhill, Milton Keynes, Bucks MK17 9AF

114HighStreet,Cranfield,Beds,MK430DG Tel:01234752566Email:info@vowles.co.uk www.vowles.co.uk

Aragon Day 2013 History Festival Ampthill eagerly awaits this year’s spectacular Festival! On Friday the 5th July we see AmpRocks featuring ‘Toploader’, ‘The Hoosiers’ and ‘Skies on Fire’. Then on Saturday 6th The Ampthill Park Proms stars The Ampthill Concert Orchestra and ‘Bonaventura Bottone.’ On Sunday 7th the whole extravaganza culminates with the famous ‘Gala Day’ in the park following the Parade which leaves Station Road at 12.15pm. A fun day for all the family with a host of attractions and free entry! See www.ampthillfestival.co.uk

11.00 to 4.00pm

‘This year Aragon Day is on 27th July and will be in the garden of The Old Sun, Dunstable Street, Ampthill. We will start at 11.00am with a procession from outside St Andrew’s Church, through the town to The Old Sun. This is a lovely display by re-enactors for all to see and talk to. There will be Birds of Prey (from Shuttleworth British School of Falconry), a Surgeon, a Bowyer, an Executioner, a Story Teller where children can sit comfortably and listen to her tales. We have a cookery demonstration (which you can taste from) of Medieval, Tudor and 17th Century recipes with Professor Roland Rotherham, an acknowledged expert. A medieval/Tudor garden display and musician who will play on the instruments he has made. All this and more, is free and you can come and go as you please. For more information please ring Penny on 01525 841352.’ “Alameda Middle School in Ampthill are holding a cheese and wine tasting evening on Friday 12th July. The event starts at 7.30pm at Alameda School with lots of great wines to taste. Over 18’s only. Tickets are £13.00 per person or £25.00 per couple. Please call Karen Rabjohn 07846164948 for more details.”

Garage Door Solutions Ltd Your local garage door expert for:

Replacements, Repairs and Spares xAll makes & designs available x24 Hour repair service xNo call out charge xAll work guaranteed xFree quotations Call us now on: 01525 721615 / 07761 093468 Website: www.garagedoorsolutionsltd.co.uk Or see the yellow pages

3, Woodcock Walk, Flitwick, Bedfordshire, MK 45 1RD

on

SATURDAY 10th AUGUST 3pm (after judging of produce) at

THE METHODIST CHURCH, AMPTHILL There will be: ... refreshments; a raffle; auction of produce; a photograph display ... Please join us at this popular social afternoon ...’ ALL WELCOME

WINDOW REPAIRS AAAA WINDOW REPAIRS DOUBLE GLAZING REPAIR SPECIALIST x

MISTY DOUBLE GLAZING REPLACED

x

x

DRAUGHTY WINDOWS x REPAIRED

x

WINDOW & DOOR HANDLES REPLACED

x

WINDOW & DOOR ADJUSTMENTS LEAKING GUTTERS REPAIRED AND MUCH MORE ON OUR WEBSITE

CALL 24/7 FOR A FREE QUOTE OR ADVICE TELEPHONE: 01525 718432 / 07432679405

www.aawindowrepairs.co.uk

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!


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LORD DEE’S PONDERINGS

I was very pleased with Mellors considerable work on the eastern meadow, digging out the Ha-Ha to keep our ovine friends from wandering. I have also advised Duster IV that he should refrain from chasing them. I am now looking forward to completion of the water feature. I’ll let you know.

Ciao

A BRIANISM I went to the book shop and asked if they had a book by Shakespeare. When the chap asked which one I replied William.

Yoga -

For men and women.

Posture, Relaxation, Flexibility, Strength

Husborne Crawley Village Hall Wed. 7.00 – 8.30pm from September £30 for six sessions or £6.00 per session

Contact Pip: Text Yoga or ring: 07787 920 025 Email: Pippafenton@btinternet.com

Across: 1 Damned, 4 Arbour, 7 Fortitude, 9 Anon, 10 Eros, 11 Mulch, 13 Meteor, 14 Kowtow, 15 Pawpaw, 17 Method, 19 Rival, 20 Mete, 22 Elan, 23 Hailstone, 24 Ludlow, 25 Coyote

Down: 1 Disarm, 2 Neon, 3 Detour, 4 Attack, 5 Bide, 6 Ripsaw, 7 Forthwith, 8 Erstwhile, 11 Molar, 12 Hovel, 15 Pummel, 16 Willow, 17 Mastic, 18 Dingle, 21 Earl, 22 Envy

Lush Beauty nails ~ tanning ~ waxing ~ tinting

 Bio Sculpture Gel Overlay  Shellac Gel Polish

Like to book an ad, or ask about our absurdly low rates please ring Martin on

Pedicures Spray Tanning



Waxing

“The Fuddler� is published by MDA Publications and printed by Fidelity. The views expressed herein are not necessarily those of the publisher. No part of this publication may be copied in any form or by any means without written permission of the Publisher. Copyright MDA Publications.

Tinting Call Alison today on 07956 467352 Based in Flitwick

Or if you prefer, drop us an email to martin@thefuddler.com

8\HSPĂ„LK[YLLZ\YNLY` NHYKLUJHYLZLY]PJL

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;YLLYLK\JPUNHUKYLZOHWPUN ;YLLMLSSPUN /LKNLTHPU[LUHUJLHUKYLTV]HS .LULYHSNHYKLUJSLHYHUJLZ :LHZVULKSVNZ

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^^^ZH\UKLYZ[YLLZ\YNLY`JV\R Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com


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THE

ROSE & CROWN 89 High street Ridgmont Beds MK43 0TY

TELEPHONE: 01525 280245

ComingsoontotheRose&Crown...LIVEMUSICTWICEAMONTH 

Pluswehavemanydifferentpromotionsondrinksandlotsofdifferentmealsoffers. 

EVERYWEDNESDAYISCURRYNIGHTWITHACHOICE OFUPTO5DIFFERENTCURRIES 

THURSDAYNIGHTISSTEAKNIGHTͲATEXCEPTIONALPRICES! 

Chefandowner,Marekhasover31yearsexperienceandhascompletedtraining courseswithcelebritychefGordonRamsay.Heispleasedtoofferthefinestquality offoodusingonlyfreshingredientsfromlocalsuppliers. 

Ourcustomerswillalsofindaconstantlychangingrangeofrealalesandwines toensurethatwecaterforallneeds. 

Fromnextmonthweaplanningaseriesofspeciallythemedweeksfeaturing

CLASSICINTERNATIONALMENUSFROMAROUNDTHEWORLD suchasFrance,Italy,Germany,PolandandSpainwithfoodinspiredbyMarek’s internationaltravelsandheishopingtoofferhiscustomerstheopportunityto enjoyanauthenticflavourofindividualcountries. 

FUNCTIONAVAILABLETOHIREͲPLEASEBOOKINADVANCEFORYOURSPECIALDO 

Youwillalwaysfindaverywarmatmospherecreatedbyourteam Alicja,Shirley,Alexandra,Marek,BobiandArtur. 

Welookforwardtowelcomingyou. 

Wealsohaveacampsiteavailablethroughouttheyearforcaravansandtents When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!


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JH

G. LAWSON FLOORING (Based in Ampthill)

ELECTRICAL

All types of flooring undertaken including

• DOMESTIC • INDUSTRIAL • COMMERCIAL

CARPETS / WOODS AND LAMINATES KARNDEAN / VINYLS (Including wet rooms) CERAMICS AND NATURAL STONE

24 HR CALLOUT AVAILABLE

Supply and fit or fit only service available

All electrical work undertaken

Tel: 07595 474675 2

3

4

5

7

6

8

9

10 11

12

13

14

15

16

17

18

19 20

21

22

U O

25

I

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Sandra’s been busy again looking through her big book of words (dictionary?) and brings us the word below. (Nothing to do with the crossword.) Just look at the hexagon and see whether or not the word jumps out at you! (Answer at the bottom of the page if it doesn’t!)

23

24

Here’s another of Marjorie’s fine crosswords for our entertainment Across: Down: 1 Pamper (6) 1 Part of eye (6) 4 Bug (6) 2 Large seabird (4) 7 Eggplant (9) 3 Conical tent (6) 9 Exploding star (4) 4 Gold bars (6) 10 Entangle (4) 5 Submerge (4) 11 Estuary (5) 6 Expression of contempt (3,3) 7 Inundation (9) 13 Beguile (6) 8 Mysterious (9) 14 Plug, faucet (6) 11 Reverie (5) 15 Almanac (6) 12 Bee-like (5) 17 Badger, annoy (6) 15 Minute organism (6) 19 Fruit (5) 16 Fable (6) 20 Darts line (4) 17 Large steam bath (3,3) 22 Mediaeval instrument (4) 18 Vendor (6) 23 Bizarre (9) 21 Light fawn (4) 24 Roughly (6) 22 Vista (4) 25 Archery technician (6)

A S

1

email: supaspark@tiscali.co.uk

O

*Maintenance *Drainage *Driveways *Landscaping *Fencing

*Patios

Contact: Andi Brackenridge T: 07789 681252 Email: enquiries@abbuildingandgroundworks.co.uk Voracious

Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com


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D L R O W W E N a o t Welcome t a e r a c g o d d n a s g o for d re t n e C n e d r a G n e d l u Ma Doggie World is a new concept in caring for the four-pawed members of your family. On site we have a dog crèche, grooming salon, self dog wash, microchipping, tag engraving and a specialist pet shop

Does your dog fret while you are at work? Drop your dogs at our daycare facility for all-day play and stimulation at our DOG CRÈCHE

Inside and outside areas for exercise, rest and play Short of time? We’ll pick up and return your dog to your home

Everything for your dog from an extensive range of specialist feeds, treats, toys, beds, coats, collars and leads to every doggie gift you can possibly imagine.

Your dog too dirty to put in the bath? Then try our purpose-built, self dog wash with all the professional equipment you need. On-site grooming salon also available

Call us now on 01525 862866 See us on-line at www.doggie-world.co.uk e-mail info@doggie-world.co.uk Or come see how we put your dog first at

Doggie World Maulden Garden Centre, A507 Bypass, Maulden, Bedfordshire MK45 2BJ When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!


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25yrs experience

Collections l Deliveries

From taps to toilets - all aspects of plumbing Fully insured - friendly & reliable Free estimates - also affordable! Tel: 07712 654887 or 01582 751813

VERBAL ETCHINGS FROM THE BIG OAK CHAIR At the moment Meerkat is recuperating from a severe case of ‘writers cramp’ due to the excessive signings in and out at several establishments throughout the town …. this exercise has worn Meerkat out and she needs rest. She also needs time to think about how she may be able to out do a certain St Geoffrey … he has been warned … revenge is best served cold!! Meerkat will be back in September but for the moment she has

loaned her column to her dear and zany friend The Duchess of Troll …D.O.T for short, who has tales of Bog Troll to relate …. the space is only on loan and on Meerkat’s return the Duchess will need her own space ….. story 1 … Feral Goats … Hello Folks …. someone has to do it, that is put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) to relate stories and tales of their family history and I have been elected for this mission. (impossible) Presently I am deep in research into the exploits of Bog Troll, my famous nephew; trouble is like most busy people getting him to sit

Light Haulage l Cheap Rates

down and talk to me is nigh near impossible! But they say there is no such word as can’t! In October and November he travels to North Wales, or the Valley of the Rocks in Lynton Devon, or to Lundy Island to watch the yearly rutting of the wild goats; thought to have been introduced by Neolithic man when they first crossed the channel over 5,000 years ago. About 1,500 years ago as they were taken to the mountains of North Wales to feed the lush pastures, some were left behind and multiplied. These feral goats are an imposing sight and worth

lying amongst the rocks to watch the head to head combat, even though Bog Troll himself is wary of these creatures. He recalls the tale of reading the story of “The Nanny Goat and Seven Kids” to his off springs., so to enforce science knowledge to them asks how many kids do goats have? .... because seven seems quite a lot. “I know “ came the reply from a little voice, “It’s sixteen” “How come” asks Bog Troll “Well there’s a television programme called “Sixteen kids and counting” …Must add this to the family tree. Cheers … D.O.T. Copyright reserved

Maulden Garage Ltd FOR ALL YOUR VEHICLE NEEDS Modern Classic or Vintage Repairs, Servicing, Breakdowns, Fabrication, Tyres, Exhausts Classic Rally Car Preparation and on event service support Unit 10 Woodside Clophill Road Maulden Beds MK45 2AE www.mauldengarage.com mauldengarage@btconnect.com

01525 862877 Free local delivery and collection service

Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com


Page 9

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!


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SITUATION WANTED

Servicing Spares Repairs ON ALL MAKES OF MOTORCYCLES Reasonable Rates Experienced Mechanic

61 year old male is actively seeking local employment. All possibilities considered. Please ring 07756 802115

With Jimmy The Voice This month JTV tells us he has been busy building this wall in his garden. He assures us that despite appearances the wall is perfect ...

Motorcycles always wanted in any condition - parts or whole

Happy Birthday to ‘Andy The Swede’ for the 26th July By Julio Van Peebles 1) Why do the ends of your fingers wrinkle up in the bath but not when you do the washing up? 2) At what point does fast food become slow food? 3) Do stairs go up or down? 4) Why does your sleeve always catch on the door handle? 5) Do sheep count humans to help them go to sleep? Julio’s Top Tip: Fool you're neighbours in to thinking you have a sauna by regularly walking to you're shed wearing just a dressing gown !!

... however we think the rows of bricks are not straight at all! But, what do you think?

Happy Birthday Owen for the 15th July!

Happy Birthday to Robbie for the 22nd July!

‘I fink I undid all the good I did at boot camp by having a burger and chips afterwards.’

Happy Birthday Natty Noos for the 17th July!

The Red Lion South End, Milton Bryan, Woburn, Bedfordshire. MK17 9HS Tel: 01525 210044

SPECIAL OFFERS FOR JULY HAPPY HOUR! Happy Hour from 6pm until 7pm Monday to Friday (half price drinks)

FAB FRIDAYS! Fish and Chips or a Homemade Pie of the Day on Friday evenings for £9.95pp.

www.redlionmiltonbryan.com

BOG OFF! We are offering "Two for One" main courses from Monday to Thursday for Lunch and Dinner. Basically buy one main course and get one free from our midweek menu.

enquiries@redlionmiltonbryan.com

Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com


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FREE PRESCRIPTION DELIVERY Can’t get to the chemist or surgery? Don’t worry, we’ll pick up your prescription from your surgery and deliver your medication to your door.

Covering Ampthill, Clophill, Flitwick, Houghton Conquest, Maulden, Silsoe, Wilstead & surrounding villages.

Building Preservation Specialists x

Damp Proofing

x

Woodworm Treatments

x

Dry / Wet Rot Treatments

x

Basement Waterproofing

Telephone/Fax (01525) 406655 Mobile: 07850 727752

Babs went to help out at her friend’s school. During games she noticed a girl standing alone on one side of the playing field whilst the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of football on the other. Babs approached the girl and asked if she was all right and the girl said she was. A while later Babs noticed the girl still standing alone in the same spot, so she approached the girl again and started chatting. Sensibly, Babs then asked the girl why she was standing all by herself. ‘Because’ the girl said, exasperated, ‘I’m the goalie.’

email: Jim@dunritepreservation.co.uk

16 Tavistock Avenue, Ampthill, Bedford. MK45 2RY

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? Remember every cloud has a silver lining, and you can use silver to buy whatever you want. Life is very interesting if you make mistakes. The older you get the more difficult it is to lose weight. By then your body and your fat are really good friends. My friend’s husband is so silly that he is always happy ignorance is bliss. The only time a woman wishes she was a year older is when she is expecting a baby. Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses. If you are bored you could try some dangerous sports - stand in front of the TV whilst football is on, give his oldest tattiest jumper to the charity shop or wash his car with a brillo pad. My RSI affects my computer hand - not my beer arm. Men socialise by insulting each other, but they don’t really mean it. Women socialise by complimenting each other, and they don’t really mean it either.

1. ‘Cravattine is a type of what? 2. Where would you find a ‘Sellet’? 3. In which year was the Siege of Warsaw? 4. Who said: ‘A lawyer is a person who writes a 10,000 word document and calls it a brief’? 5. Who played Dr Who’s assistant ‘Grace Holloway’? 6. A ‘Bale’ is the collective noun for which creature? 7. In which US state is a town called ‘Waterproof’? 8. I f y o u s u f f e r e d f r o m ‘Rhabdophobia’, what would you fear? 9. When was central heating invented? 10.‘Steel’ is the celebration of which Wedding Anniversary? 1 Pasta, 2 Suit of armour, 3 1945, 4 Frank Kafka, 5 Daphne Ashbrook, 6 Turtle, 7 Louisiana, 8 Magic, 9 400BC, 10 Eleventh

CHEESEMANS PHARMACY OF AMPTHILL Tel: 01525 402173

Painting and Decorating For all your interior and exterior decorating requirements. City & Guilds qualified. Professional, clean, reliable and friendly service. Fully insured. For a free competitive quotation please call Paul

01525 404645 or Mobile 07747 755943 www.prcdecorating.co.uk When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!


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Your wonderful photos keep coming in and a huge thank you to everybody. This month on the left, Pete tells us that you can get a Fuddler in The Maldives, and below is Irene with her Fuddler at the statue in memory of Steve Urwine, at Mooloolaba on the Sunshine Coast in Australia. Thank you! If you have any pictures of a Fuddler being read away from home please send them in to martin@thefuddler.com

Tel: 01525 403319 email: engineandtender@live.co.uk Engine & Tender - Bar

THURSDAY JULY 11th

Come and see some great musical talent ...

‘KONG’ featuring Natalie

ASHES SERIES 1st Test - July 10th & 14th 2nd Test - July 18th & 22nd QUIZ NIGHT

Sunday July 28th Cash Prizes!

MEAT RAFFLE

£1.00 per ticket - lots of prizes

Coming soon ...

BT SPORT & SKY ALL LIVE SPORT SHOWN If it’s on - it’s on here!!

ExecutiveChauffeurDriveServiceforSouth Bedfordshireandthesurroundingarea.Specialistin airportruns,seaportandrailtransfers,holidayand corporatetravel.Specialfixedratesfortraveltoand frommostUKAirports,MainLineRailwayStations, andCruiseandFerryTerminals.Promptand reliable,mature,experienceddriver,checkedwith CRBandlicensedbyCentralBedfordshireCouncil. Nochargeforflightdelays. 

Toenableustomeetyourrequirementsweprefer atleast24hoursnotice.Ifyoucannotbookthrough theonͲlineservice,pleasecalluson07909983179 forfurtherinformation,helpandavailabilityorsend detailsofyourrequirementsto bookings@elitetransfer.co.uk. Wewilltrytohelpwheneverwecanandalwaysaim toanswerenquiriesasquicklyaspossible. 

Web:www.elitetransfer.co.uk Email:bookings@elitetransfer.co.uk Dunstable,Bedfordshire

Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com


Page 13

Remember in last month’s issue, where we announced our new game that had just begun, Did you find our Meerkat, where she was hiding after her short run. She was hidden in one of the pages, waiting to be found, And many of you did find her, and brought the details round. So now we have a winner, your prize is waiting at our store, The details can be found below, and we’ve decided to play the game some more. So hidden in the Fuddler little Meerkat needs to be found, Somewhere she’s been hidden, after all her running around. Just find the little Meerkat and tell us where she has been found, Write it down on a piece of paper and drop the details round. I would also like to thank the people who have dropped diaries in, Where our writer of Meerkat’s musings has spent time and has bin. They thought I wanted a record, of all that she has done, So thank you Mrs Meerkat for joining in the fun. (I won’t mention the pub ha ha ). Well now let me tell you about what’s new in your local store, Because in your local newsagent we offer our customers much more. We have a new range of books that start from just 99p A range of children’s and adults that you must call in and see. And we have updated our £3 pound meal deal that now includes some fruit, Which should make the man happy, who calls in, in his suit (you know who you are). But don’t forget we are still your local newsagent and still deliver newspapers to your door, So for information on our special offers please call into our store. MARTINS NEWSAGENT 17 CHURCH STREET AMPTHILL 01525 404096 The winner is ….Mr P Adams

Registered Member of The British Chiropody and Podiatry Association HPC Registration No. CH17913

THERESE GRAY FSSCh. Dip Pod Med. MBChA. Chiropodist/Podiatrist Surgery By Appointment

Telephone: 01525 841845 Email: therese_777@msn.com Do not let flip flops spoil your summer holiday ......... Orthotic flip flops available. Effective treatment for shin splints.... heel pain.... back pain and tired aching feet. Ring the clinic and ask for details or make an appointment and give your feet the care they deserve.

ICE Integrated Clinical Excellence 35 Russell Drive Ampthill MK45 2TX

For your convenience ...

MOTs NOW AVAILABLE 7 DAYS A WEEK! Plus ... Ÿ Servicing and repairs to all makes and models Ÿ Free local delivery and collection Ÿ Tyres now in stock Ÿ Four wheel alignment Ÿ Courtesy vehicles Ÿ Discounts for Pensioners Ÿ Full bodyshop facilities

Monday to Friday 8.30 - 5.30 Thursday till 8.00 pm Saturday & Sunday 8.30 - 12.30pm

We are a family run business who have been working in the motor trade for over 40 years

Total Fleet Care

Unit 5, Vass Industrial Estate, Station Road, Ampthill, MK45 2RB

Telephone: 01525 405055

Mob: 07821 179619 / 07891 282689 Web: www.totalfleetcare.com When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!


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AMPTHILL & DISTRICT LIONS CLUB

36 Dunstable Street, Ampthill Telephone 01525 634857 1500+ Ales from April 2010 THE PERMANENT BEER FEST SOUTH BEDS CAMRA PUB OF THE YEAR 2013 July is CaMRA Pub and Charity month

Thurs 18th July FUN TRUE or FALSE QUIZ 8.30 start - free to enter everybody welcome, no limit to team size!!

Raffle for Keech Hospice Care, drawn on the night. Tickets on sale during the week. Thurs 25th - Sun 28th July CIDER & STRONG BEER FEST plus British Cheese platters 16 Ciders + 8 Strong Beers 10p per pint to Keech Hospice Care

Members of Ampthill & District Lions Club celebrated their 33rd Charter Anniversary on 12th May at Mount Pleasant Golf Club, Lower Stondon. A lovely venue and excellent food enjoyed by Lions members and guests including our District Governor John Savell and his wife Linda. We had great pleasure in presenting Linda with a cheque for £200 towards her charity for the year, Centrepoint. Several of our members were presented with awards for their services to the community. Laura Wood, the daughter of one of our members Alan Wood, took part in a sponsored swim for Marie Curie Cancer Care at Flitwick Leisure Centre. She completed over 100 lengths of the pool and we were delighted to donate £250 towards her sponsorship money. Our Fun Day for Adults with Learning Difficulties was held on Friday 7th June at Flitwick Leisure Centre. 80 Adults and Carers attended taking part in sports and activities with the help of Lions and the staff at the Leisure Centre. All went home very happy with a medal each presented by our President Bob Pledger. We would like to thank all the staff of Flitwick Leisure Centre for their support and help with this event. We will soon be advertising our Moonraker Sponsored Night Walk which will be held on Saturday 5th October 2013 around Flitwick Moor. Teams can take part on a 50/50 basis keeping half their teams money raised for their own cause or charity with half going to our Lions charity of the year. Watch this space for further details. Contact details for Ampthill & District Lions Club are on our website: www.ampthilllions.btck.co.uk

AMPTHILL PLASTICS Open to Trade and DIY

All Freefoa m UPVC 50 ye ars guarantee The No 1 Market Lea der 2013

Fascia, soffit & all fixings xAll colours from stock xAll types of guttering xAll plastic under and over ground drainage

in stock New stock arriving weekly - Call for best prices.

CAMRA BEDS PUB OF THE YEAR 2013 OUR OTHER PUBS ARE: The Globe, Winfield Street, Dunstable (Bedfordshire Pub of the year 2010) - Tel: 01582 512300

SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL AMPTHILL BUSINESS

Unit 1 L W Vass Industrial Estate Ampthill MK45 2RB

The Wellington Arms, Wellington Street, Bedford (North Beds Pub of the year 2010) - Tel: 01234 308033 The Elm Tree, Orchard Street, Cambridge - Tel: 01223 502632 The Brewery Tap, North Bridge Street, Shefford - Tel: 01462 628448 Seven Stars, Albert Square, Rugby, CV21 2SH - Tel: 01788 561402

T

01525 888510

M

07957 435556

Mon-Fri 7.30-5.30 Sat 8-12

www.banksandtaylor.com Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com


Page 15

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!


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o o o o o o

Routine Foot and Nail Care Corn & Callus Removed Treatment for Verruca Footcare for Diabetic Patients Problem Nails Nail Reconstruction

Don’t forget Town Hall Antiques in Woburn. Silver, jewellery, porcelain, pictures and much more. 01525 290950. Market Place, Woburn, Beds. MK17 9PZ Open Tues to Fri 10am until 5.30pm, 11am until 5.30pm Sunday www.townhallantiques.co.uk info@townhallantiques.co.uk

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I frequently irritate my family whilst watching movies or documentaries by exclaiming loudly at some point “I’ve been there!� for a short time it was amusing, then it rapidly became annoying until I was obviously lying! Like during the recent successful landing of a vehicle on Mars. In truth I have visited some interesting places, many of which where off the rarely beaten track, so when I recently watched an old film which featured a view of

PS We’re always looking to buy as well

The Golden Gate bridge in San Francisco, taken from a strange angle, and having seen the bridge from that angle I knew the camera must have been VERY close to where I had been, I stopped the recording and went back and forth until I could see a building that was easy to identify. My feeling was that if I Google Street viewed the area and found the building from which I thought the shot was taken, I could say truthfully, “I’ve been there�. All right, I am retired and frequently bored, OK? So I panned around and eventually saw a vaguely

visible, but un-focused label on the side of a building. ‘YES, I was standing quite near were that film was shot’. I did a print screen of the building and associated label. I sharpened, de-speckled, contrasted and grey scaled until I saw the writing on the wall that would identify the property. It read “Resident Parking Only� After further cursory examination I reckon I’ve never been there! The Pseudo Rustic (And we thought you’d been everywhere!)

MUSHROOMS IN CREAM You need: 500 gm large mushrooms, 1 small onion, 2 bacon rashers,50gm butter, salt and pepper and 125 ml single cream. Preheat oven to 190 C. Chop mushroom stalks, onion and bacon and fry in the butter till tender. Season, and spoon a little of this mixture into the mushroom caps, set them in a casserole dish and pour cream over. Cover and bake in centre of the oven for about 30 minutes. Lovely!

 

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Page 17

Now is your opportunity to book a stall at this year’s Woburn Village Festival annual Antiques Fleamarket. By public demand the Fleamarket will be at The Pitchings on both Saturday 7th and Sunday 8th September this year. So if you are a stall holder and would like to book your pitch please ring Elfyn or Elaine at Town Hall Antiques on 01525 290950. The Craft Fair at the Village Festival will also operate on the 7th and 8th September on and around Park St.

FARMERS MARKET AT WOBURN Don’t forget the famous Woburn Farmers Market is on Sunday the 21st July and is held on the Pitchings in Woburn from 10.00am - 2.00pm. You are welcome to come and peruse a great variety of fresh produce!

Fancy a dip? The lovely Woburn Lido in Crawley Road, Woburn is now open and is open every day from 10.00 am till 6.30.pm until the end of August. You can take a dip for £8.50 for adults and £5.00 for children. Senior Citizens also pay £5.00 but they also enjoy a free swimming concession before midday. There is also a ticket price of £3.00 for a nonswimming adult. Season tickets and family tickets are also available. ȱ

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ROCKET’S SECOND “GRAND TOUR” ON A B.M.W. MOTOR CYCLE Continued from last month: Day 3 Wed 4th July 2012 I am awoken by the sound of my phone bleeping to say its flat and going to expire at any minute! I’ve wired a charger on the bike so it’s no problem! After giving the all you can eat buffet a good hammering and checking out I set off north east towards Hamelin in search of the pied piper! I virtually have the roads to myself today, only seeing the odd car and it’s bliss, the sun is shining and the scenery is very much like the lake district but without the lakes, all I can hear is the drum

of my tyres and the gentle tapping of a very content engine between my feet, what can be better than this it’s like being in a dream! I start to catch sight of bigger than lifesize plastic pied pipers everywhere and fall back into the tourist stream! Hamelin is quite a big built up smelly busy town, not the picture I had in my head of a small picturesque half timbered village that has been frozen in the medieval times, I stop for a break and look up at the buildings, I see a man admiring the morning out of his window, he is sporting a big beard and for just a second I thought it was Ralph Rainer staring back at me (one of my favourite teachers from Redborne school) There doesn’t seem to be much here of interest, the only pied piper



evidence I saw was on the way in with the nasty plastic effigies everywhere! I carry on to Hanover, where our royal family descend from, George 1st was the initial king from Hanover, Great Britain has had links with Germany ever since, I ride into the centre of Hanover again with a picture of grandeur in my head and I am once again disappointed, everything is post 1950’s, I know that Hanover suffered a lot of bombing from the English and Americans in the war time, it’s such a shame it wasn’t rebuilt after the war as it was and the fine architecture was replaced with concrete rubbish! It just goes to show that there were irreplaceable architectural losses in Germany as well as England. To be continued

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CHRIS FREEMAN Tel/Fax 01525 403992 50 Russell Drive Ampthill Beds Established in 1990 and built on reputation Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

Thought for the month: ‘Doubt is not a pleasant condition but certainty is absurd.’

True extracts from CVs sent to prospective employers 1. ‘Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.’ 2. ‘Received a plague for salesperson of the year.’ 3. ‘References none. I’ve left a path of destruction behind me.’

Note to Editor In the recent Letter to Editor I noted with some surprise it was written by Thomas Cranmer - he has done well to write from beyond the grave as he died in 1556 !!!


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Whilst I expected my article (May edition) to bring about debate and controversy I certainly did not expect such a vitriolic attack. So let us examine some of the points raised by the teacher of 15 years experience. Firstly ‘to read Shakespeare is one of life’s great pleasures’. To check how many people actually find pleasure in this activity I visited the library and enquired how often the Bard’s works were lent. The librarian could not remember anyone actually tacking a tome by ‘the greatest playwright ever’, and a check through the date sheet contained within the books showed that this year just one had been borrowed, in January, so not exactly flying off the shelves. Then upon canvassing a cross section of the public most had indeed only read one work, in order to pass an exam, and had no intention of repeating the process. How many people I wonder pretend to like Shakespeare because it makes them appear to be educated? The teacher and performer of 15 years experience finds views that he does not agree with insulting to the intelligence, well that argument works both ways as I find it insulting to be labelled uneducated because I don’t happen to like Shakespeare. As for the ‘cheap comments from the uneducated masses’ re performers I was merely quoting the actor of more than 15 years experience, Sir Ian McKellan who boiled the craft of acting down to the bone by stating that ‘it’s pretending, folks’. Lastly as for ‘getting my kicks from reading Jackie Collins novels’ I have never actually read one but I do enjoy a Wilbur Smith. P.S. The ‘fraying round the edges’ ex-landlord has been complaining that his garden seems to be shrinking on a daily basis. This can only mean one thing. Yes, he’s slowly losing the plot.

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Page 22

If you’re quick you could book your advertisement in the next edition of The Fuddler! For more details or to book your space please ring Martin on 01525 841434

A simple question this month: how many squares are there on a chess board?

With The Imp

1. ‘I’m having a month free Fuddler.’ 2. ‘I don’t like fruit with food.’ 3. ‘Geckos are like exotic squirrels.’ 4. ‘She’s only 19 - not even 20 yet.’ Thanks again Imp

With Dr St John Beautox Actual writings in an overseas hospital records: The patient has no previous history of suicides. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch. She is numb from her toes down. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities. And many thanks for those!

Hello to you all. I am an actress starring in a gripping new show currently on your televisions, but where all is not as it seems. (And that’s a big clue.) Do you recognise me though? And which show an I in? Answer at the foot of the page.

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Keri Russell - The Americans - ITV

Here’s a bit more mischief that a kind reader has sent in:

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Page 23

Free WiFi

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EVENTS FOR CLUB MEMBERS Barbeques, Sunday quizzes, Race nights, Treasure Hunts Golf tournament – President’s Cup 14th September Fishing Club BINGO – every Thursday evening Doms – Monday nite in the Ampthill & District League Doms – Thursday nite in the Shillington & District League Crib & Doms - Monday nite inthe Maulden & District League Darts – Wednesday nite in the Ampthill & District League Pool – Bedfordshire County League Every Sunday a meat raffle Karaoke August 28th Wingy Beer Festival, Open Day, Barbeque & Live entertainment

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City Slickers Part 8

CROSSING A DEEP RIVER ON HORSE BACK East Australia, 1977 Another of Jack Lovick's tricks was to get the city slickers to cross a river at point where the horses would be out of their depth. The river was less than 20 feet wide but the exit point was about 20 yards down stream from the entry point. Jack insisted that the best way to cross was to take your feet from the stirrups and cross the stirrups over your horse, then cross your legs over the front of the

saddle; thus keeping your legs and feet dry; Hmm, not very stable! A swimming horse can wobble a bit! Jack demonstrated the procedure and once most of the trippers were in the river, he would pretend to get into trouble while helping someone who was in trouble and while Jack recovered; the other rider would fall off his horse. This only happened to one or two people during a single trip and it was close to the next camp, no one was hurt and warm clothes were soon at hand, and yet again confidence was built although there was a tendency to question whether or not Jack’s

suggestions were to be believed. I have to admit that, having deliberately cantered into deep water on a horse and fallen off well out of our depth several times, it does feel a bit scary; if only because there is a powerful desire to keep your legs near the surface, well away from the thrashing horses legs just below! But I was never kicked and I think the horses liked to swim, so I was never put off the idea. Prof Reginald V Q da Ghama IPA With kind permission of Jim Barr (And there’s more of this tale to follow shortly ...)

Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

Spotted by eagle eyed readers who have very kindly sent these in: 1.‘This hotel is renowned for its peace and solitude in fact crowds from all over the world flock here to enjoy its solitude.’ 2. ‘In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.’ Thanks again for those!

with Auntie Vi The irony of life is that, by the time that you're old enough to know your way around, you're not going anywhere.


Page 25

With Lauren Louella Boughalls Hello once again to everybody and thank you so much for your entries into last month’s photo challenge! We haven’t room to list all correct answers here but well done to Brian, Martin & Pat, Paul, Montgolfier, Sue and everyone else who correctly identified one of the lights in the grounds of St Mary’s Church at Woburn. Now this month we have headed off into the villages once again and have come across this wonderful old building which we thought we should show you. But do you recognise it and where it could be?

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Page 26

T Butlin Building and Plastering Est 1987

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Also offering: Impressions Female decorators All aspects of painting and decorating. With female finesse to make the most of your home Tel 01234 751282 or 01525 405670 / Mob: 07944 710179

Here we delve more into the whimsical, wacky and interesting world of Montgolfier: On board ship, if we got a new crew member we would ask if they would like a game of snooker. If they said yes we would say pop to the PO’s mess for the key to the snooker room. There they would be told it was elsewhere - can you imagine playing snooker on a rolling ship? Also you would have a job plating LP records on a LP player as the needle would dig in and then lift as the ship rolled each way. I met someone once who said they had got various veins in their legs. I have stopped checking the lottery numbers now. Reason I’ve packed up doing the lottery. Did you know what the word Cenotaph means? Empty tomb. The large house where I was born had a twin seated wooden toilet in the walled garden. It is still there but is not used today. In the village here there is a three seater toilet - again no longer used. Must have been a good place for a nice long chat. On June 4th the David Niven 1940 war film ‘The Way Ahead’ was on TV. Now the first time I saw it was a few months before D-Day, I was 12 years old. I saw it in a big country house which had been requisitioned and troops were stationed there; I think they were R.A.S.C. Because of the large number of trucks parked in the fields. So I watched it in the house with these lads waiting for D-Day plus the land girls from the Agricultural College next door where my father was an instructor. I feel absolutely certain that David Niven was in the audience with us. A long time ago!

Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com


Page 27

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Episode 38 .............. Much Ado About Something There is something afoot in Fuddlerland these past few weeks, its usual peace and quiet being shaken with mischief spreading faster than a Westy rumour. It all started with Toady’s ‘ra mb ling’ attack on Shakespeare. The expected backlash was led by a mysterious writer ‘Thomas Cranmer’ who is the perpetrator of the recent response to the bard’s debate which has taken hold of late. Various waterholes in Fuddlerland reported scenes of heated debate and even suggestions of a conspiracy

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theory from one ex-landlord suggesting that Toady replied to his own column. Apart from this saga, we also had Meerkat going missing, leading Geoffrey from our favourite Fuddler outlet, offering a confectionary reward for any accurate sightings; answers on a postcard please! There was a poll to find a suitable new nickname for one of Hitchin Rich’s closest and senior members, that had to be cancelled after it backfired when certain wags were being too cheeky for their own good in their suggestions, and then poor Old Father Time himself, who was seen giving a good impression of aged mammal attempting to cross a busy

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dual carriageway, when trying to get to his local from his home for elderly gentlemen. The only good to come of all this was that the attention was taken away from Westy for a while, and he was left to chase soup cans and rats on his stunt cycle unnoticed. So who was responsible for all this chaos and mayhem? I originally suspected it may be the work of the Cornish pixie Skillywidden, but I fear it could be someone a lot closer to home ....... eh Fuddler? As always all characters and events portrayed in this diary are real and any resemblance to real people or incidents is purely intentional.

17th July Happy Birthday ‘Mammoth Man’

From all of us! ‘If Mummy has a girl we’re calling it Molly, if it’s a boy Mummy says we’re calling it Quits.’

With Dave (Theo) Saurus Is an Archaeologist a person whose career lies in ruins?

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Page 28

Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com


The Fuddler July 2013  

A free, lighthearted publication from Ampthill, UK

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