and Defeat Anxiety. He attests that having Make Caring Connections a growth mindset is vital, focusing on Social networks are critical in the face of strengths without disregarding areas needchallenges, resilience experts agree. “When ing improvement. we are wronged or feel unsafe, it’s natural to Maintaining a balanced outlook that’s withdraw when we should do the opposite,” realistic, yet positive, enables individuals to says Feldman. “It’s also not the number of move on from trauma. For supersurvivors, friends you have, or even how much time being pragmatic serves them far better you spend with them, that matters. All you than a false sense of optimism about bad need is at least one person you can count on.” situations, Feldman found, “We are built to be Parents do a saying, “They grieved lossconnected with others. It disservice to their has a significant impact es, but thought realistically about what to do next.” in regulating stress,” says kids when they “Optimism in the Southwick, a co-author of try to remove best sense is focusing on Resilience: The Science of adversity from their Mastering Life’s Greatest the positive without denylives. When little Challenges, from West Haing the negative, while focusing on what’s in your ven, Connecticut. Over the things go wrong, control,” notes Hensch. rather than rush to past two decades, South Martin Seligman, wick and his colleagues fix it, let the kids known as the “father of have studied three groups positive psychology”, found figure out a solution. that have come through that when people take setThey’ll realize it’s not harrowing events: being backs personally, viewing the end of the world. Vietnam War prisoners, them as permanent, perSpecial Forces instructors ~Doug Hensch vasive and personal, they and civilians. They found develop a sense of learned people that rebounded helplessness that inhibits growth and hapstrongly often shared common attributes, piness. “It’s important not to ‘catastrophize’ including embracing a spiritual outlook and or generalize a failure and extend it to other social network. areas of life,” says Dr. Steven M. Southwick, In 2013, Damon Redd, of Boulder, a professor of psychiatry at Yale University Colorado, awoke to a severe flooding event, School of Medicine who focuses on postwith his home and business buried under traumatic stress disorder and resilience. five feet of mud and water that nearly wiped
out his clothing business, Kind Design, overnight. “It was the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through, to lose everything I had built. It also gave me a new perspective on what’s important. It made me aware that you can replace physical things, but you can’t replace memories. My mind was blown away by the support I received.” Redd ended up paying forward the kindness. “We cleaned and repaired 1,500 pairs of gloves in our inventory that were damaged that day, and are donating them to search-and-rescue teams and ski patrols. The more good you do, the more good other people will do,” Redd professes. Altruism and owning a moral code is another common characteristic of resilient individuals, according to Southwick. Having a purpose is a huge indicator of whether a person will rise to the occasion. “You can endure almost anything if you have a mission, or believe what you are doing has meaning. It gives you great strength,” he says. In 2016, Bobbi Huffman lost her high school sweetheart and husband to suicide a few days before Valentine’s Day. As she began to process the tragedy, she saw two choices ahead: “Drop into a deep depression and give up or focus on our deep love for one another, get into therapy, and make a difference by inspiring, encouraging and helping others,” says Huffman. She chose the latter, asking for professional help and signing up for the 16-mile
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