5 ways 2 have a great relationship and enjoy alcohol on a diet!
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EXCLUSIVE: Miley Cyrus music video breakdown!
Inside articles by columnist Natalie Attafua
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page 2. I prefer my natural fake page 4. 5 ways 2
page 7. Read of the week
page 9. Scandal of the week page 12. Analysing Miley page 17.I am Black still, right?
-eyezd Edited by Natalie Attafua *All literature was written and composed by Natalie Attafua(me) for a course module at the University of Kent Canterbury. I do not own any pictures provided. This is a fictional magazine.
Natalie Attafua on why…
…Looking being natural! What’s the point in being natural when being fake can do the ‘looking natural’ for us? (And do a better a job may I add) I hold my hands up and admit that I have fallen ill to the laziness and convenience pandemic with my first symptom being my ‘Can’t be arsed’ mantra. It’s come to the point where if you look amazing and it just so happens to be you in your natural state, i.e. no make-up, long hair, perked boobs and firm butt- people will question on impulse ‘Is that all you?’
you would never guess who’s who or even care as long as it all ‘looks natural’. There’s the looming irony that people now assume something is fake because it’s too good to be natural. I for one think there’s no harm in faking it if your ‘natural look’ differs from your natural state- sh*t on fire. When you really look at it, fakeness outlives naturalness. It’s encoded by their definitions. Natural things decay which is not a problem if you live by ‘growing old gracefully’ but I don’t so bore off. From experience, looking natural and attractive is less upkeep than being natural attractive. Stick with me here. Conscious about your overhairing bits? Get laser hair removal and within a matter of months your new natural state will be hairless. This treatment, for example, is long lasting and cost-effective in comparison to the monthly purchase of razors, waxing treatments, hair removal creams, threading etc. In 2010 Hello magazine reported a woman will spend just under £10,000 in a lifetime on hair removal products!! Now in comparison, the average full laser hair removal treatment will cost you just under £1,000, with near enough permanent hair removal. I say it’s a great investment, especially if you sprout hairs like a muskox!
“What is the point in being
naturally flawless if people are going to be sceptical about your assets?”
So I say sod it. What is the point in being naturally flawless if people are going to be sceptical about your assets? Some people are blessed I give you that, whilst others are ‘enhanced’, let’s say. But in today’s culture 1|sunzelle
Getting the right colour hair extensions or even breast implants that ‘look and feel natural’ –a slogan which is embedded in near enough every beauty campaign- can do wonders for a person’s appearance and self-esteem. Call it superficiality but so what? We live in an image conscious culture, let’s not be ignorant.
It is convenient to fake being natural- call it an oxymoron or what have you but it’s true. Lack of sun? Instead of going on a costly holiday get a fake tan. Eyelashes look limp? Get subtle semi-permanent falsies made from delicate silk fibres. Not only is this investment cost effective too (saves on having to fork out money on mascara, strips lashes and eye make-up removal pads) but its time efficient as you don’t have to waste hours a month coating your lashes with mascara.
‘Extend’, ‘enhance’, ‘illuminate’, ‘define’ all keywords used to describe beauty products and procedures when advertising them to the public. This marketing strategy cleverly suggests that we already have ‘it’ or what we want to achieve, it’s just the means of brining it out. In all honesty its propaganda which makes us feel better about ourselves. It makes us think we have the potential to be great. These procedures or means will reveal the optimum version of you and what the bloody hell is wrong with that? If you don’t have conviction and confidence in yourself then who else will? At the end of the day it’s about doing what makes you happy and if it means faking it a little so be it! You only live once.
“Men prefer their women natural but you only see us as natural as we allow you to” Even better if you’re planning on having a reckless night, you won’t have to worry about tagged Facebook pictures of yourself with one eyelash hanging off your chin. There are people out there that are trained to enhance our natural state or ‘fake us up’ so don’t go cheap! Do your research and go to credible companies that offer a reliable service. Now its forever been said that men prefer their women natural, (probably linking to some Darwinian theory that it gives them an indication of what their offspring will look like) but they are none the wiser let’s be honest- you only see us as natural as we allow you to. We do these things not only for self-reassurance but to be more desirable to men and other females. If you have something fake other women will compliment you by saying… dun dun dun, it ‘looks natural’. You don’t get praised for being naturally good looking. That would be borderline derogatory, conceited and shallow- pretty sure it also has tenors of discrimination if I teased out certain aspects of that notion. People respond better to you if you look naturally pretty rather than are. I think it’s because you’re less of a threat or intimidating which restores faith in the 11th commandment -no one is perfect. 2|sunzelle
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…have a happy relationship 1. Love unconditionally, even when you’re having an argument, don’t harbour negativity towards your loved one, think is it really THAT bad? 2. Never have a three-way with social networking sites. 80% of people in a relationship claim that they caused ‘unnecessary’ arguments. When you are together focus on each other and put aside mobiles, laptops and tablets. 3. Listen and communicate whatever you feel is right. The more you hold on to a thought the more you begin to speculate and assume rather than address the issue. Listen to what your loved one has to say then give a response, never give a response for the sake of giving an answer. 4. Show verbal affirmation more often even if it is over something small like tidying up or asking how your day was. Tell your loved one you appreciate them and their input, no matter how small, no matter how little effort went into doing it. 5. Have great sex! The release of hormones intensifies the connection between you and your partner. Be committed and explore each other finding out what each person needs and how they want to be touched. It strengthens your emotional tie to one and other.
…enjoy alcohol on a diet
1. Go for the lighter option of beers or ciders. When you’re ordering at a bar get the ‘skinny’ version of your favourite cocktail as it uses the low sugar version of mixer. 2. Dilute your alcohol with ¼ part water. You will feel like you are drinking the same amount when in actuality you are drinking less and in taking fewer calories. When possible opt for a spirit and tonic. It is the alcohol in the drink that makes you put on weight so reducing the amount will reduce your waistline. 3. Avoid sugary, fizzy mixers. They are unnecessary added calories. Try reduced sugar cranberry juice and cordials, or the diet version of the pop of your choice. 4. Nurse your drinks! Don’t be in a rush to chug them down in one go. Sip slowly and you’ll end up drinking less, plus you will feel when the alcohol gets to your head thus you’ll be more aware when you’ve reached your limit. You save more money too! 5. Lastly, know your limit! Choose your choice of alcohol for the night if you’re going out and stick to either a spirit, rum, wine or champagne. Don’t mix them as this will more likely lead to a hangover the next morning.
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Read of the week:
Deepak Chopra, MD, What Are You Hungry For?
The Chopra Solution to Permanent Weight Loss, WellBeing and Lightness of Soul
£9.09 Amazon Paperback: 304 pages Publisher: Rider (2nd January 2014) (Click image to purchase) Review by Natalie Attafua
Many of us fall victim to the diet fad- women and men alike. But are we sure that a food diet is the key to losing and sustaining an ideal weight? What are you hungry for by Deepak Chopra explores the notion that what we are really craven for is not food because pragmatically we only need food for sustenance. Chopra feeds us with his wisdom essentially drawing to the hypothesis that food will not fill what our spirit/ soul/ emotions lack. And we as humans tend to use food abusively as a crutch to fill another type of hunger- a hunger that resides within self-fulfilment in all other aspects of life. A real eye opener, ‘What are you hungry for’ teaches us that “The body is a physical reflection of the choices you make over a lifetime” as well as centring your thoughts separating emotion from your stomach and makes you generally think ‘what am I hungry for’ in a figurative sense as opposed to literal. It is not your typical dieting book about losing a certain amount of weight in a certain amount of time. It 5| s u n z e l l e
addresses the issue of being content in other aspects of your life so much so that you will only call to food when your body needs it not wants it. I must admit you do need to be open-minded and realistic. Its reminding us to view food healthily to live like our primitive cave man ancestors thus acquiring a healthy lifestyle, after all diets are not meant to be permanent. The average dieter tends to gain more weight than they lost and crash dieting pandemic is just as unhealthy as engulfing in heavily fat and sugar laden foods. His mantra being connecting the mind and body is the key to life-long well-being. This book helps you see concepts that you never thought about in terms of why you look to food. When you are able to figure out what you use food for then you can begin to see what you can supplement food for in terms of other stimulating activity. the aspect of this being a self-help book and diet guide combined is ingenious because it really makes you feel enlightened and self-educated plus this form of mental dieting doesn’t involve any strenuous exercise, just a dim light, comfy lounging spot, a clear mind with a light brew. Chopras anecdote method of philosophy really does make this the perfect light read, easy to digest and a perfect pick me up for a late night read or early morning start whilst commuting. Written in a decade that plans meeting with acquaintances around food, this is timely and readable by all even if you are not on a mission to lose weight but just be better educated about eating well in general, for your sake or a friend or relative. Filled with witty remarks and insightful words, you can’t go wrong at such an affordably priced book for under a score. It is clearly understandable why he is such an acclaimed holistic health guru. His background as a former physician proves his nobility. His words are profound leaving you with many eureka moments and thought provoking closes such as “Your true desires will lead you in the right direction, false desires will lead you in the wrong direction.” That being said I encourage everyone to invest in this light read.
5| s u n z e l l e
YOUNG WOMAN, IMPREGNATED AFTER DRUNKEN ‘FAMILY’ ORGY, UNSURE OF FOETUS’ FATHER. Reported by Sunzelle 19th April 2014 Sam Kipling, 25, has found herself pregnant after having sex with three men in the same night and is now unsure about who the dad is. Sam's casual flat warming party in Hackney, East London, ended in an awkward sexcapade involving her boyfriend, his twin brother and their cousin.
Invites were sent through Facebook and the party took place February 21st with Sam inviting around 15 close friends, including boyfriend Kane Pattison, his brother Tommy- who happens to be Sam’s ex and their cousin Adam Pattisonwho was on leave from the armed forces.
the only thing that rose that night. It said to have been around 7pm when the party kicked off. By 1am the following morning, guests called it a night, whilst the three Pattisons were still going strong. Sam went to her new bedroom and enticed who she thought was boyfriend Kane to help ‘christen’ the pad. What she didn’t realise was that she was actually luring Kanes brother, Tommy, who swapped shirts with Kane after being sick on his own. With both Sam and Tommy having beer goggles for eyes, one thing led to another and they started ‘passionately kissing’ on her newly assembled bed. Sam alleged “all my senses were utterly disabled; It doesn’t help that the two look similar when I’m sober so when I’m drunk it’s easy to see how that mistake could have been made.” After Tommy and Sam got down to business they both passed out with Tommy spilling over on the floor. Sometime after non-the-wiser Kane stumbled into the bed and collapsed next to Sam. Beforehand Kane had been passed out on the bathroom floor but managed to get up to Sam’s room. He nudged her and the pair began kissing in what Sam supposedly thought was the foreplay to a second round of passion.
The invitation read ‘B.Y.O.D and I’ll provide the entertainment [sic]’ and by certain did she bring the entertainment. It seemed after a few rounds of excessive drinking games her boyfriend- the designated driver of the three Pattison boys, was ‘too hammered’ to take them all home so the trio decided to crash at Sam’s new 2 bedroom abode. Boyfriend Kane said “I have never been that sh*t faced in all of my life, I think we all over did it in celebrating Sam’s new home and my cousin coming back from the army, spirits got too high”. It would certainly seem that those spirits weren’t
Pictured above Alcohol awareness campaign 2014 https://www.drinkaware.co.uk/ Follow link to read about knowing YOUR limits
At around 4am, Adam moved to where he thought was the guest room. He too crashed out on Sam’s bed pushing Kane on the floor. Sam heard some ruffling and initially thought that was Kane’s cue to start round 3. Sam stated “Kane and I have a very active sex life, so going rounds in a night was nothing out of the ordinary; I turned to face who was in my bed and just started kissing them”. Adam admitted he had always fancied Sam and claimed she was initiating a one off fling. Adam said “She’s a fit bird, we were both so far gone that we didn’t even talk about what we were doing, we just started groping each other and yeah, it felt right so we had sex”. Noon that day, Sam told Kane that she doesn’t really remember what happened, but by the ‘looks’ of herself they had a great night of passion. Kane responded by apologising that they couldn’t have gone on for longer but the alcohol made him ‘tired’. That’s when Sam apparently started to think something wasn’t right; “I looked at my bits and the marks around my body and there was definitely evidence of more than just one quick pump”. Kane joked, “I hope you didn’t shag my brother thinking it was me”, leading Sam to confess she ‘accidently’ slept with Tommy because he was wearing Kane’s shirt and she thought it was him. After discovering the truth, although angry, Kane chose to forgive Sam. Adam, who was on leave, ‘felt bad’ because he knew what he was doing. Sam eventually admitted to condoning having sex with Adam bargaining that it was a one off drunken mistake. Tommy felt just as awful but claims he had no recollection of the night let alone the love making. Sam took a pregnancy test last week after feeling nauseous. The test was positive and now Sam is unsure if she conceived the child during the drunken escapade or days before. Admittedly Sam told us that it is a hard time for her and her boyfriend but her family have been very supportive throughout this whole ordeal. Sam will now have to only wait until the foetus is 8-
13 weeks so she can have Chorionic Villus Sampling (CVS) to determine the baby’s father. Sunelle will keep you updated but does respect Ms Kipling's wishes during this time VISIT: http://www.sth.nhs.uk/contraception-andsexual-health-service/scash/unplanned-pregnancyadvice for advice about unplanned pregnancies.
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Semiotic analysis: Miley Cyrus Wrecking Ball music video: Written by Natalie Attafua 0:00- 0:41 ‘We clawed, we chained our hearts in vain We jumped never asking why We kissed, I fell under your spell. A love no one could deny Don't you ever say I just walked away I will always want you I can't live a lie, running for my life I will always want you’ The music video opens with a close up headshot of the female singers face- Miley Cyrus. Conforming to the typical trend of a young female in society and celeb icon, her face is subtly laced with make-up. Oddly and quite humbly it shows glamour in a reduced form. The make-up is all she’s wearing and in a sense her red lipstick is her main garment. The bold red emphasises she is woman, hear her roar. It connotes sensuality, lust and indulgence synonymous to the red of the apple in the Garden of Eden parable. The red draws focus to her mouth as she is singing, almost prostituting her mouth like the red light district- with her lips being the main attraction, the reader is seductively lead through her lips to hear her voice. She’s naked but her lips are dressed as they are doing the performing. Love, passion, courage, anger, rawness etc. -all paradigmatic to the red of her lips. The whole bare image is fitting with her recent rebellious stints fashion and character wise. Her solemn still poise denotes vulnerability. She is naked as this song is a bare all damsels in distress saga and all she has left from being heartbroken is her in a raw form. A single 7|Page
showing that this is very emotional for her. She is upset and pained as her tear filled eyes stare into the camera to engage the reader for empathy. Her eyes are focused through the centre of the lens as if she’s talking directly to us. Her eyes close tight and more tears gush as the tempo of the music increases
moment of distress and pain. 1:04- 1:34 ‘I put you high up in the sky And now, you're not coming down It slowly turned, you let me burn And now, we're ashes on the ground Don't you ever say I just walked away I will always want you I can't live a lie, running for my life I will always want you’
This frame introduces a full body image of Miley. Her midriff and legs are bare exposing part of her flesh -just like her heart was exposed during the relationship which the song is centred on. Her body position is placed on top of a huge grey bulldozer which corresponds to the song title ‘wrecking ball’- the title anchoring the image. She wears a white tank top and underpants which connotes her virginal reborn identity, with workman boots on her feet as the setting is an industrial site so she partially adheres to the uniform required. This is quite sardonic because she is not wearing any other protection garments. Miley is clung on to ball which starts swaying like a pendulum reflecting how progression and time change is inevitable, she can’t control it so she ‘hangs on’ for the ride like a rollercoaster. Essentially her life and healing process is literally entrusted in times hands. As the motion of the swaying is slowed down, the viewer can lock eyes with Miley who is gazing at the camera in a bid for help from this rollercoaster of emotions she is riding. Her eyes are powered gazed into the camera lens in a bid to reveal what her heart conceals. This is Miley imposing her power onto the viewers; she is gradually 7|Page
becoming strong enough to ride out the pain. This then leads on to her being fully naked which is the epitome of the relationship- the break up stage where she was left at her most vulnerable, her most exposed. The removal of clothes reflects
boyfriend’s love- She is empty and bare.
sensually caress the chain she’s holding
personified; Miley is simulating sex with the bulldozer and oral sex with a large stone hammer as she proceeds to lick the head enticingly. These provocative visuals are tropes to the conception of young women today who are more rapidly engaging in casual sex in a bid for male affection. The idea behind this is that she is utilising her feminine attributes to gain control of the swinging ball which connotes time, her ex love and her emotions- all things she is submissive to.
2:52-3:16 ‘Don't you ever say I just walked away I will always want you I came in like a wrecking ball I never hit so hard in love All I wanted was to break your walls All you ever did was wreck me I came in like a wrecking ball Yeah, I just closed my eyes and swung Left me crashing in a blazing fall All you ever did was wreck me Yeah, you, you wreck me’
As the audio reaches a crescendo, the frame shows a head shot of Miley, analogous to how the video first started. Things are now becoming full circle after all the tribulations she’s endured. A brick wall then takes the full focus of the next frame. It is shattered as this is the last scene, the end. The lyrics are manifested through the visuals as she repeats the hook ‘you you wreck me’. The wrecking ball has caused trauma and destruction to the wall which
signifies Miley- broken and in pieces over the floor which mimics her body position in the next frame- sat knees to chest on the ground. The grey monotone colours connote the solemnity of the topic and how this song bares a personal sombre meaning. Amidst scenes of wreckage, a slow motion Miley is hammering at the ruins of the brick wall. This scene depicts how not only has her lover damaged her but she is at war with herself. The break up has left Miley self-conflicted making her angry and frustrated- synonyms of pain. She hacks at the wall as if she is hitting herself. She is confessing to playing a part in wrecking herself too with anguish and self-deprivation. The scene ends in collateral damage just like her after the whole ordeal. She buries herself in the rubble to show she is akin to the broken pieces. Lying with her eyes closed symbolises how Miley has to come to terms with mess she made and metaphorically lay in the bed she has created. The songstress is tired and lifeless as all her energy has gone into this ‘mess’ of a relationship and so it appears as though she has been ‘put to rest’. She sleeps like a post-modern snow white with her apple red lips and hands clung onto the hammer as opposed to a rose. The hammer signifies protection. It is her armour. She will not enter into another relationship without her guard up. This modern day damsel is left awaiting her prince charming to come and salvage her from the wreckage of love.
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Natalie Attafua on why… I am black still, right?
about was which Bratz Doll I was getting for Christmas and whether dad was going to let me go to the tuck shop after school to get those liquorice thingys with the icing in the middleGod those were delish. I suppose I can’t be completely ignorant to the fact that there were discrepancies between me and my White friends. For example my hair was always ‘spongier’ than theirs. Or the well-seasoned Jollof Rice my mum made them for dinner or ‘tea’ was too spicy (it was not too spicy it was just flavoursome, I think their taste buds were having an orgasm because they were being introduced to other herbs than salt and black pepper).
picture above- universal images Grace Jones
It’s funny, growing up in a predominantly ‘White’ suburb never fazed me. As a first generation Anglo-African, I didn’t grow up with many people ‘like me’. In fact I was the only Black girl in my whole primary school, which fleeted near enough 400 pupils. What’s also amusing is that I only realised this in my teens. As a child I didn’t care. What importance does race bare unless you’re filling out the extended version of a job application labelled ‘you don’t have to answer, it’s just for equal rights opportunities’. I mean they ask your ethnicity like it’s a naughty secret. Hello! When you meet me I’m pretty sure you’ll meet my melanin too. As a child I didn’t see complexion as a definitive character trait to which I must choose my affiliates on. All I cared 9 Sunzelle
“The only black people I knew were my family, family friends and the cast of the Fresh Prince of Bel Air” The only black people I knew were my family, family friends and the cast of the Fresh Prince of Bel Air amongst the many other faces of the sitcoms on Nickelodeon and Trouble. Again, this didn’t faze me because why? I didn’t care! It wasn’t until I went to High School, still in a predominantly White middle class area, to which I noticed I was actually a black teenager as opposed to a teenager. During my teens when make-up so illicitly became the norm, I found myself struggling to find the right foundation to match my complexion. I started to become a bit more conscious about my skin tone when my friends wanted to buy make up , so I would go with them to Superdrug or Boots and have to go to the more ‘lavish’ brands of L’Oreal or Clinique to
find my foundation shade, instead of the cheap shitty ones like Miss Sporty for £3.99. Even brands such as Maybelline always tried to ‘appeal’ to the darker skin tones but their products always came out with a greyish undertone. Flattering- I think not. During puberty I noticed all of my friends starting to grow into their bodies and wearing fancy lace underwear, whilst I was still in a cotton vest because I only had tiny nipple supports as opposed to boobs. Still to this day my small bosom is still a small bosom but I’ve learnt the tricks of the trade and to embrace the freedom and comfort of living life bra-free!
“I also had a White child minder, to which my mum jokes, explains my ‘straight’ figure.” Admittedly my Mum didn’t want my brother and I to grow up with an accent which she believed would have happened if she spoke to us in Twi (her native Ghanaian dialect). No mum if you spoke to us in Twi I would have been a bilingual activist who probably would have won a noble peace prize, be an oil tycoon and find the cure for aids. But I don’t bare grudges. I also had a White child minder, to which my mum jokes, explains my ‘straight’ figure. I didn’t grow up eating Ground Peanut Soup and Okra with Fish, or FuFu. After thought I genuinely started to think this was the reason why my body isn’t the figure ‘8’ to which many African ladies suit. I do not possess the ‘bumper’ of Nicki Minaj or large fatty breasts- in fact I doubt she naturally possess them too. I’m a figure 1. I’m flat chested with a small roundish bum. No protruding hips with 9 Sunzelle
a waist to hip difference of 12” plus. Nope, not curvy at all apart from when I eat a carb loaded meal and get bloated. I grew up on chip Butty’s picture above- universal images and the Ashley from Fresh Prince of Bel-Air mediocre stuff like Jollof rice, Plantains, Yams, Black eyed peas and Rice- only so when we went to African family parties my brother and I aren’t the feral children of the ‘black culture’. I constantly make the joke with my parents and friends that my mums not black she’s ‘blaque’- a member of the posh reformed modern day black elite, who forgets where she’s originally from. I’m Not saying I didn’t know I was black, what I’m saying I didn’t see it as the main focal point in defining who I am. Of course when you meet me you’ll meet my melanin and if you choose to prejudge me based on that then by law you’re a racist whose ancestors captured and enslaved mine as well as probably being your local representative for the BNP. I mean honestly come on. Everyone innately prejudges each other, it’s instilled upon us to recognise and analyse when something is different to us, and it’s whether you choose to discriminate a person based on that matter which makes it wrong. When I started to socialise outside of my school circle at local bars and clubs and met my first boyfriend who lived in a different borough, was then when I realised that I ‘talk White’. Yes. Apparently I speak an entire race. White is a language you know. Other black people would talk to me and say
‘hey you speak different’ to which I would say ‘different how?’ and them ‘I don’t know you sound White, I like it’. I always at this point would screw my face in sheer amazement at the ignorant comment which was supposed to be flattering? I’m sorry but how does demeaning your own race prove to be a compliment? I got bored of educating people who approached me that I do not sound like a race, my accent sounds more proper because of the area I am from, which is actually inhabited by many different creeds. I talk like I’m from Carshalton, not from ‘White’. It’s funny because now in my second year of university studying English Language and Linguistics, I’ve come to understand articulation and covert and overt prestige in accents so if I really wanted to I could write them a 2,500 word essay on why they ‘talk black’.
“Being bilingual can’t make me ‘more black’ just as living in Britain doesn’t make me ‘Whiter’” I have never been uncomfortable in my skin just more aware that my voice and appearance ‘oddly’ correlate. I don’t speak Twi, I can’t even do the accent properly but it doesn’t really trouble me. Being bilingual can’t make me ‘more black’ just as living in Britain doesn’t make me ‘Whiter’. Now I’ve found that my generation are much more open to embracing different fashions and creeds of life, with it being more celebrated than rejected. I love who I am and how I was raised and all the experiences I’ve encountered because it makes me me. And I wouldn’t know how to be anyone else if I’m honest! 9 Sunzelle
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