Nanine Prins â€“ This is my testimony as on the 18th of November 2010 There was a time that I was so ashamed, embarrassed and full of guilt that I made myself believe some of the things in my life did not happen. It was easier that way. My story has all the elements a proper scandal requires. It started in my childhood, my sister is mentally disabled. My parents tried to the best of their ability to cope with the challenges of raising a child with very special needs. I soon realised that it demands more than the normal person has to offer. At times I craved attention and felt guilty for needing something when she needed everything. I sometimes hated her for being the way she was and that made me feel guilty even more. My parentâ€™s marriage took massive strain over the years and it came as no surprise when they got divorced. Interesting that even though I knew and understood it did not make the separation easier in any way. (After some years they got back together and are so happy today. I guess they have their own testimony to give). I looked for and found acceptance in all the wrong places. Getting involved with drugs 10 years ago was astonishingly easy. The experience was short lived but unfortunately the consequences lasted for months thereafter. I suffered from severe insomnia and was tormented by terrible nightmares. It took me a while to realize the only way to keep the demons away was to pray. For some reason Psalm 23 was the only thing I could remember. I would say it over and over again until I finally fell asleep. Sometimes I didnâ€™t even know how to pray but I hoped God would hear me anyway. After so many failed relationships, I prayed that God will send me someone. Not anyone but the right someone for me. It was not long after my drug experiences, I was broken and damaged in so many ways. God send someone and this man looked beyond the weaknesses and insecurities and straight into my heart. Through him and a very dear friend, I gave my life to the Lord and was saved. It changed my life. It restored the relationship with my parents and I was able after 21 years to forgive them set them free. Getting married was the easy part, after a few years we got very comfortable with each other. We were so happy but the devil just could not resist stealing and destroying everything dear to me. By the time we realized there was something wrong in our relationship, the damage was already so extensive.
The magic was gone and somehow we managed to grow totally apart. We tried to fix it but we ended up hurting one another even more. I used to believe that people who have affairs are the reckless and irresponsible type. The sort you can spot easily, until it happened to me. Someone came along that acted in a way that resonated with all my unfulfilled emotional needs. Having the affair was exciting but excruciating at the same time. As much I enjoyed the attention, guilt destroyed everything. I just ended up feeling empty and lonely just like when I was a little girl. Even though I begged God to forgive me, I somehow could not forgive myself. Maybe it was because I kept it secret for months. Then I met someone else and this time it was different because I didnâ€™t want another affair. However it did not stop me from becoming very dependant and emotionally involved. My husband and I separated. Our relationship deteriorated to a point there was just nothing left. I saw nothing of the man I fell so deeply in love with. And I was a shadow of the wife my husband deserved. But he just never gave up on me, even after I moved out. He refused to believe that the life we build was over. He prayed continuously and asked God for divine intervention. God performed a miracle and made a way where was absolutely no way, He changed my life for a second time. My husband was able to forgive me and he loves me still, despite all that I have done. Today I know what real love is. Real love is not lust and it is not the excitement you feel. Real love is unconditional forgiveness and acceptance regardless the weaknesses and failures. John 8 verse 32 says â€œYou will know the truth and the truth shall set you freeâ€?. Being honest about everything and accepting responsibility for my part covered all the lies and hurt. Through hard work, intense therapy and prayer and the absolute grace of God our marriage is restored. For the first time we fully understand the marriage covenant and our Godly responsibilities to one another as husband and wife. We renewed our vows and we are blessed with a better relationship than we ever had before. We serve a merciful God, all the glory and honour to Him.
My prayer for each person reading this is that you will find someone to love like crazy and that will love you the same way back. Donâ€™t regret the past because it helps to mould you into the person you are today. A life without risk and experiences is a life not lived at all. My wish for you is that you will have a life as rich and blessed as mine. I want to urge you to make time, to truly find God sooner rather than later. I promise you will experience love, blessing and fulfilment like no other. It is the ultimate rush and thrill. God takes away all the guilt, shame and condemnation and you will be truly free to enjoy this precious thing we call life. If you are reading this and I have hurt you in any way, I am truly and deeply sorry. I pray that you will find it in your heart to forgive me, as God forgave me, as I forgave myself. I am grateful for so many things. Mostly for my parents, my loving husband and the dear friends I made along the way. Thank you for loving me when I least deserved it. And thank you for loving me still. The will of God will never take you where the grace of God cannot protect you.