Tidewater Parent March 2012

Page 18

Should you ole out these... Parents and experts don’t always agree BY KRISTEN DE DEYN KIRK

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What Hampton Roads parents think: Alexis, mom to three boys, 7th grade to freshman in college :H IHHO WKDW SD\LQJ IRU JUDGHV VHWV XS D EDG SUHFHGHQFH IRU UHZDUGV DQG VHQGV WKH ZURQJ PHVVDJH )RU LQVWDQFH RXU FKLOGUHQ UH FHLYH D YHU\ VPDOO DOORZDQFH DW WKH EHJLQQLQJ RI HDFK PRQWK 7KH\ FDQ VSHQG KDOI DQG VDYH WKH RWKHU KDOI :H GRQ¶W WLH WKH DOORZDQFH WR DQ\ WKLQJ 7KH NLGV DUH SDLG UHJDUGOHVV +RZHYHU RXU NLGV DUH UHTXLUHG WR KHOS ZLWK GDLO\ FKRUHV WDNLQJ FDUH RI WKH \DUG FOHDQLQJ WKHLU URRPV EDWKURRPV ODXQGU\ HWF 7KH NLGV NQRZ WKH\ KDYH WR FRPSOHWH WKHLU FKRUHV EHIRUH WKH\ FDQ GR DQ\WKLQJ HOVH 7KH\ DUH W\SLFDOO\ PRWLYDWHG WR JHW WKH ZRUN GRQH HDUO\ DQG TXLFNO\

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What national experts say:

Stephanie, mom to two daughters, one in 7th grade and one in 5th :H GR QRW SD\ IRU JUDGHV *RRG JUDGHV DUH H[SHFWHG ² DV DUH JRRG PDQQHUV HWKLFDO EHKDYLRU ORYH IRU *RG DQG IDP LO\ :H KDYH DOZD\V KDG SUHWW\ KLJK H[ [ SHFWDWLRQV IRU WKHP VLQFH WKH\ ZHUH YHU\ \RXQJ DQG QRZ WKH\ KDYH WKRVH VDPH KLJK H[SHFWDWLRQV IRU WKHPVHOYHV 7KH\ ZDQW WR GR ZHOO WR SOHDVH XV DQG PDNH XV SURXG DQG VR WKDW WKH\ FDQ EH SURXG RI WKHPVHOYHV :H MXVW IHHO \RX FDQ SXW D SULFH WDJ RQ WKDW +RZHYHU ZH GR QRW MXGJH RWKHUV WKDW JLYH PRQH\ IRU JUDGHV 7R HDFK KLV RZQ

Ray Erickson, author of Ten Tips to Tame Your Teen ,¶P D FOLQLFDO VRFLDO ZRUN HU LQ 6DFUDPHQWR &DOLIRUQLD ZLWK RYHU \HDUV RI H[SHUL HQFH ZRUNLQJ ZLWK WHHQDJHUV DQG IDPLOLHV ,¶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

Renee, mom to four boys, from first grade to freshmen in college :H KDYH QHYHU SDLG IRU JUDGHV , DP QRW VD\LQJ WKDW , ZRXOGQ¶W LI , WKRXJKW LW ZRXOG ZRUN RQ P\ SDUWLFXODU FKLOG , KDYH DOZD\V EHOLHYHG WKDW HDFK FKLOG LV GLIIHUHQW DQG SDUHQWLQJ LV D V\VWHP RI WULDO DQG HUURU , WDONHG WR P\ ROG HVW DERXW KRZ ZH PRWLYDWHG KLP WR GR ZHOO DQG KH WROG PH WKDW LW KDG WR FRPH IURP ZLWKLQ DQG QR DPRXQW RI SOHDGLQJ VFUHDPLQJ RU RIIHULQJ LQFHQ WLYHV ZRXOG KDYH FKDQJHG DQ\WKLQJ +H ZRXOGQ¶W KDYH PLQGHG HDUQLQJ WKH FDVK EXW LW ZRXOGQ¶W KDYH FDXVHG KLP WR ZRUN KDUGHU +DKD

Roland Fryer, Harvard University professor and researcher 3D\LQJ IRU JUDGHV GRHVQ¶W ZRUN EXW SD\LQJ IRU KRPHZRUN DQG DWWHQGLQJ FODVVHV FDQ DF FRUGLQJ WR UHVHDUFK E\ )U\HU WKDW ZDV SXEOLVKHG LQ +H DQG IHOORZ UHVHDUFKHUV IROORZHG VWXGHQWV LQ VFKRROV LQ 'DOODV &KLFDJR 1HZ <RUN &LW\ DQG :DVKLQJWRQ ' & 6RPH ZHUH SDLG IRU JUDGHV DQG VRPH IRU EHKDYLRUV VXFK DV UHDGLQJ DQG JRLQJ WR VFKRRO 7KH VWX GHQWV ZKR GLG WKH EHVW ZHUH LQ


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