APRIL FOOLS, 2019
PAW PRINT Person of Next Year
BEN TURBOW SOON TO BE PRINCIPAL OF DRIPPING SPRINGS HIGH SCHOOL pg 4
Photo by Cady Russell
Cover design by Giselle Galletti
my dshs student media - dripping springs, tx - volume 1 - issue 6
APRIL Fools, 2019
I’ve Goat Your Back
Ph os by lee
The FFA and 4-H members have been training their humans for a long time, all in preparation for their shows. However, to do this, there needs to be some knowledge about what the human does or does not like in their training, feeding, and other events. “I really like braaaacing and when my human, Angelina, understands what I aaaam teaching her.” freshman goat Olly said. There is a lot of time and effort that goes into training animals, although there are some animals that only require time to feed. “My human, Austin Smith, re-oink-ally - really likes to sleep and eat. There is not much else to train him for. The point is to just make him big for auction,” junior pig, Dr. Porkchop, said. Although these animals really enjoy training their humans, it does come with a lot of difficulties.
“My human is a very stubborn human, but when I put the collar on Staff Writer her for showings, she knows it is time to get serious,” Olly said. “But because of her stubbornness, it is harder to work with her when training.” While some animals have a bond with their humans and work with them in events, others do not have this special bond. “I don’t think my human likes me because I feed him human,” Dr. Porkchop said. “Which, I guess, is cannibalism, but he doesn’t know. But hey, he would do the same [to me] if roles were reversed right? I am just a pig trying to fatten up my human to get the big bucks at auction.” For future animals looking to join the members of FFA and 4H, it’s important to know that it comes with its hardships and excitement of raising a human. “I love my human and I really enjoy training it,” Olly said. “Even though my human is hard-headed and never stops talking, I love him anyway.”
Student’s Car Emissions Hi-Stepper Cause Pool To Heat Up Q&A with junior Hope McFarlin
Car emissions have always been known to heat up things, like water, air, and the atmosphere. However, it all seemed pretty chill in retrospect. Only cities had hotter things, not us here in Dripping Springs. But now, it seems the sheer number of student-owned, single-passenger cars have been heating up everyone’s local pools and causing chaos as winter melts away. “I want to get into my pool to cool off in the summer, but now when I get in, it’s like boiling my skin off hot,” junior Hannah Mitchell said. It’s not just private pools either, but the school’s swim team has been feeling the effects of the warming. “Practice is awful now. I love swimming, don’t get me wrong, but it’s like swimming in pea soup,” junior Kiara Bobb said. “I didn’t think I could actually sweat in the water during practice, but now it’s every day. It’s just so hot.”
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While the heat up is causing swimmers to melt, others think that’s just the way it is. “I have things to do after school. And, like, you know, I can’t waste that time being eco-friendly and stuff. I have assignments,” sophomore Jesse Honway said. “Besides, how else am I supposed to get from games to home. Do I walk?” Besides the unbearable heat and awful practices, the increasing temperature of pools has another side issue: cost. “I have to change the water so much trying to keep the pool clean and cool. It’s driving up the cost of maintaining a pool,” Mitchell said. While the increasing warmth doesn’t seem to be slowing down, many have accepted the fate of the pools. “I remember the cool, crisp waters of my youthful summer days,” Mitchell said. “But now, it has been replaced by this swampy, muggy, wasteland.”
The school is suddenly taken over by aliens, what’s your first move?
A: “To run of course! I would get in my car and drive away!!”
If you could choose one faculty member to be an honorary Hi-Stepper who would it be be?
A:“Easy, Ms. Hinkle by far! She always has a smile on her face and she looks like she would be a good dance and bust a move.”
If the Hi-Steppers had their own personal mascot, what animal would it be?
“A flamingo! That’s my rank’s mascot; we’re Margo’s flamingos!”
LIFESTYLE & THE ARTS APRIL FOOLS, 2019
FAILED INSTAGRAM MODEL forced to re-enroll at DSHS Andrew Spiegel Staff Writer Each year people moving to the Austin area look to DSISD to enroll their children in a spectacular school district. New students come and go and a lot leave a mark on DSHS, no matter what year they start here. This year, DSISD has welcomed many students at several locations but one stands out, in more than one place. Tiffani “T-T” Thorn will be welcomed as a junior this upcoming semester at DSHS. Some readers may remember Tiffani, as she was a student here in 2017, her freshman year. Her ordinary, high school life was flipped upside down with one single post. Late in 2017, Tiff and her friends went into downtown Austin to do fun, quirky things, as we all do. The afternoon, for most of us, would end on the ride home; but for Tiffani, her day was far from over. She spent countless hours painstakingly editing the photos her and her friends took that day, as an attempt to spice up their feeds. The highly saturated photos in front of Kendra Scott, Jo’s Coffee Shop, Toms, and even the “Hi, how are you” mural were posted, with the girls flexing their Gucci belts and mom jeans, paired with metallic Birkenstocks, and checkered vans. Shortly after, Tiffani’s life was altered. After Tiff edited her pictures to perfection, she posted them and went to sleep. When she woke up she expected 250-300 likes on her post, but the numbers she put up were much greater. Tiff woke up that morning to roughly 38,000 likes, 750 comments, and 1400 new followers. Obviously, with this boost in likes, she had to continue her feed with the same style, and quality pictures. The next picture she posted was her and her friend, who wishes to remain nameless, at a restaurant in downtown Austin. Of course a picture of this caliber was set to do very well on insta, and it did. Tiff blew right past the 100,000 likes milestone and was picking up followers left and right. It wasn’t long before she was posting ads for everything from teeth whitening kits to hardware stores. It was around her 120,000 follower mark that she decided small town life wasn’t for her. She packed her bags and moved to the one place that you can really stand out, Los Angeles. She seemed to be thriving in LA. She was making posts that reminded followers of when she was still in Austin, for example, a photo of her in front of the skyline with the caption reading, “love my city”. Tiff even went viral for a few days when she did a skit video with Jacob Sartorius. Tiff’s career-ending mistake as an influencer was the day she decided to start making vlogs. She was under the impression that her followers from Instagram would all flock over to subscribe to her YouTube, but unfortunately, she was mistaken. With all her focus on YouTube, her instagram was not kept up. Therefore she lost followers, and she lost them fast. After one month in The City of Angels, Tiffani “T-T” Thorn lost her wings and had a harsh fall back to reality. Welcome back, Tiffani!
Upcoming Artist: Jeff Bixby
Psychology, government and world history teacher Mr. Bixby to be releasing album
Bixby recently announced to his students that he has been very occupied in writing songs for his upcoming album, which is said to be an ode to his cats. The album is to consist of upbeat tempos and soulful ballads. Students were shocked after hearing the quick guitar solo he played in class, and are truly excited for the release of his album. After releasing one single, titled “kitten” on Soundcloud, prospective agents are also trying to reach our own, Mr. Bixby! Stay tuned for more information about our upcoming artist.
Camryn Horst Co-Editor-in-Chief & Lifestyle Editor Photo from @JeffBixby on Twitter
“MO BAMBA”officially BANNED
Rapper Sheck Wes’ “Mo Bamba” has recently been banned from all DSISD campuses and events. The banning of the song is said to have been planned since its release in 2017. Two long years later, the district has finally received the approval to make the ban official- a ban now to be rumored to be punishable by the confiscation of personal phones, speakers and even three to four days in AEP. A junior that wishes to remain nameless said, “One of my teachers heard me playing “Mo Bamba” through my headphones during class and took my phone. My mom had to come pick it up but she wasn’t that mad so it’s chill.” The Tiger water polo team was recently under fire from administration when a player decided to play “Mo Bamba” over his speaker on the bus to an away game. The player that had aux had to sit in the front of the bus next to the coach the remainder of the season, and music privileges were tragically revoked. The ban originated when a senior of the class of 2017, who also wishes to remain nameless, punched a whole in the wall while listening to the song. “I don’t know man, it just hypes me up you know?” said the senior. The senior was listening to the song during a passing period and got so “hyped” he punched a hole in the wall of A Hall. He was hospitalized and left the hospital with a broken hand and could not play baseball for the first two games of pre-season. Then ban will stay until further notice. Andrew Spiegel Staff Writer
4 FEATURES Study Reveals: WANT TO BE A Babies Are Stupid APRIL Fools, 2019
that “even cockroaches” can get through more hardships than babies. “As a woman who could possibly have children in the future, I am disheartened,” Glenn said. “I don’t want to have children if they’re just going to roll over and die at any given moment.” In fact, while merely waiting for the study to commence, 84 babies choked to death on individual Legos. “They are the reason companies have to ban socalled ‘dangerous toys’ that are ‘choking hazards,’” Glenn said, pointing at a child walking by. Now, Glenn plans to go straight to the president to make him aware of these disturbing findings. “The only reasonable solution to this is to replace all children with little android bots that can actually do math,” Glenn said. “Unlike babies.”
MASCOT FOR DSHS?
Student Comes to a Shocking Conclusion Madeline Tredway Eliana Glenn peers at her lab Staff Writer notes with hands clasped. There is palpable tension in the air. She flips to a page with data scrawled in an aggressive manner. However, most notable on the paper is a phrase, barely legible, angrily written down in the middle of her notes: “BABIES ARE STUPID??” A shocking new study conducted by junior Eliana Glenn reveals that babies are so stupid, it’s not even funny. “It was thought that babies were incredibly curious creatures with the ability to tirelessly navigate a world they are new to, but it turns out they’re just really dumb,” junior Eliana Glenn said. Glenn conducted a study that took 2,000 babies and poked each of them with a long stick. Glenn was floored when she found that 80% of the babies didn’t even make an attempt to defend themselves. “Some of the babies even fell over,” Glenn said, exasperated, “like idiots.” Glenn also discovered a baby’s inherent inability to survive in harsh conditions. “We put them out in the wilderness for 72 hours and you know what happened?” Glenn said. “More than 90% died.” Glenn was frustrated with these results, as she says
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Angry and disappointed, Glenn throws a baby into a trash can.
Photo by Katie Haberman
MUST LIKE COLORS ORANGE AND BLACK. YOU CANNOT BE THE MASCOT IF YOU DON’T LIKE THESE COLORS
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DUE DATE TO APPLY DECEMBER 89TH, 2405
18-year-old Senior Class President Hired as New Principal
With only one more applicant to go and 500 others down the drain, Superintendent Gearing looks down at the last name on his list, looks into the camera, and tells the audience that this man may save us all. The current principal’s retirement is approaching fast, and students and parents alike are wondering who will be leading them into the next school year. After months of interviews, home invasions, and spa days, the school board has finally settled on who they feel will be the best fit for the job: senior class president, Ben Turbow. “They sent an email to my school email address, so it took a while to find, but it was just great reading that they decided to bring me onto the team,” Turbow said. “It’s really an honor, really surprising that they decided I was the best choice. I don’t know why, but in their wisdom, they brought me on.” Turbow has turned down full-ride swim scholarships from both Duke and Harvard to accept this position but still intends to pursue a Bachelor’s of Science at Trinity University in the fall once he gets settled into a routine. “I feel like I already have a lot of knowledge on how to administrate a school, at least the senior class,” Turbow said. “I mean, with all of the responsibilities I have as senior class president, I was pretty much the principal already. Signing off on the budget, organizing all of these events and stuff, designing t-shirts, going to meetings, all sorts of stuff like that. I feel like it was all pretty principally.” When asked how grueling the interview process was, due to the sheer number of applicants, Turbow was very humble with his answer. “There were other people who were probably more qualified than me, you know from other schools that came in,” Turbow said. “But what they did was it was like the superintendent, both assistant principals, the principal himself, and me in a room, and they all just kind of like yelled questions at me and grilled
me. And I like to think of that as like a trial by fire, I think I came through pretty nicely.” Moving forward, the next big question on everyone’s minds centers on what Turbow plans to do with his newfound power. “As part of the student body, I do see a lot of issues around the campus,” Turbow said. “I broke it down into categories: parking, vaping, and people in the hallways between classes. So for parking, I mean, the real issue is that when the sophomores and juniors and whatever, 2nd semester bring in their new cars and the parking lot gets flooded. It takes 30 minutes to get out at the end of the day, it’s awful. So my idea is that, well, how about the freshmen bring their cars? Because they can’t drive, so they won’t have any. Pretty simple solution there.” After conquering the parking issue, Turbow’s next plan of attack focuses on creating better traffic flow in the hallways. With so many new developments in the area, the constant influx of new families will only continue, and with them, new students. “Going between classes is very slow and upsetting sometimes,” Turbow said. “If you’ve ever been to an airport you know that they have those little carts that drive people around to their gates, and since the parking ticket guy won’t have a job anymore due to no cars in the student lots, I will be having him take on that role in the hallways. As well as those moving sidewalks, Segways, and Lime Scooters if we can get sponsorships.” As a swimmer and avid outdoorsman, Turbow will also be focused on environmental issues as well. The sorting stations in the cafeteria were a big inspiration for him, due to how well they’ve been working since their introduction back in 2016. “Putting Tesla charging ports in D lot is part of the ‘Green Initiative’, some of that funding will be spent on the charging ports, solar panels, more of those water bottle filling stations,”
Turbow said. “We are becoming sea turtle advocates. Nobody wants those rings from plastic water bottles around sea turtle necks, that’s terrible, just look at the pictures.” Continuing the push forward from our recent service day project, Turbow feels that it’s very important for the students to experience their community in as many ways as possible. “We’re going to be looking at more field trips because when I think of high school I think of maybe one, two, three maybe four field trips a week (Although one of the business teachers may have broken the bus specifically meant for field trips, Turbow is confident that he will still be able to accomplish this goal.),” Turbow said. “Just to get the kids out, get them excited, you know in the field learning. Just a lot of field trips. Trips to the football and playing fields will count as well.” He may be the youngest principal this district has ever see, but this has only driven him to exceed expectations, and to be the best principal he can be. However, with a little less than two months left until graduation, Turbow is currently focusing on passing AP Macroeconomics instead of the school’s plans for next year, as getting a 5 on the AP test is more important at this time. “It’s going to be weird,” Turbow said. “I hope that the principal doesn’t feel like there are any hard feelings between us. It’s just a rumor that I actually pushed him out of the job, causing him to retire. There was nothing there, I mean there were a couple of letters and a petition or two but that wasn’t anything related. It really comes down to the fact that the youth are the future, and I am the youth.” *The current principal will be honored with a life-size wax replica that will be replacing the giant taxidermy tiger next to the C and B gyms. Any money saved on taxidermy tiger maintenance will go towards buying a real tiger
2019: The End of the 19th? Students Protest to Repeal the 19th Amendment Katie Haberman Features Editor
A loud thunder of gives me such a feeling of chanting fills the brisk spring accomplishment.” air, students overflowing A few teachers couldn’t help from the entrance of DSHS. themselves from participating Some are stoic in demeanor, either. As students escaped from others emotional in their classes in droves, their educators heartfelt opinion, but all with ran alongside them to express Tredway, the same goal in mind: to their passions against the 19th fighting for advocate for the repeal of amendment. what she the 19th amendment. “An important part of believes in. Here at education is standing up for what Photos by Katie Haberman DSHS, students you believe in,” Dash Dashel, AP wholeheartedly women’s studies teacher, said, believe in the simpler aspects of life. Boys become breathing heavily. “And this is men, and girls become women, so long as they stay it’s just an awesome thing to nestled away in the kitchen. And on March 8, almost believe in.” 100% of the student population came out to voice Coincidentally, the these views in the fight to rid women of the pesky March 8 rally actually burden of voting. fell on International “Sometimes Constitutional amendments Women’s Day. become outdated,” senior Mo Bamba said, Though this was chuckling to his girlfriend, freshman Hailey completely and Hicks. “I’m not sure who thought givin’ our gals utterly unplanned, the right to vote was thinkin’ straight.” women participating The March 8 rally itself rose from the in the rally felt vigor of the recently established ‘We Love empowered as they Women - But Not That Much’ club. As the selffought to limit their own appointed president of the group, senior Matthew rights. Gynecologer organized the protest with the help “Something about Junior Jami Holms of at least 500 of the organization’s loyal members. stands stoically, poster losing the right to vote “The idea for this protest actually came to me in in hand and Airpods in is just, I don’t know, freeing,” junior Caroline Sprague place. a dream,” Gynecologer said. “It was like I looked said. “I’m a little shy, so it’s nice to think that I won’t be into the eyes of some otherwordly being and it obligated to show up to the polls on election day.” told me, ‘Matthew. Repeal the 19th amendment.’ And that’s With the majority of the student body population what I set out to do.” participating in the rally, DSHS actually became fully unified Many DSHS student and alumni passions lie in political for the first time since its founding. On March 8, there were no activism. A few graduates even returned to participate cliques, no outcasts, and no lonesome wannabes. On in the protest, eager to express their views and leave March 8, there was only a spirit of connectedness and a their parents’ vibe of pure equality. Students protest basements. “About halfway through the protest it was like with handmade “I just love everything just stopped,” Hicks said. “All of the girls signs to represent coming back here their beliefs. were pushed to the edges, and we watched in and acting as a pure awe as the men of our school took role model to the their rightful place - completely in students,” Ashley Ashley, charge of us all.” 36, said. “Participating The protest marked a new in these kinds of dynamic in student life. Though the protests just 19th amendment hasn’t legally been
repealed, it was fully demolished within school grounds, paving the way to a new future. “I’ll kick you in the teeth if you don’t repeal the 19th,” junior Madeline Tredway said. “I promise.”
Students stand in front of the flagpole near the main office, their screams echoing across campus.
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CREATIVE APRIL Fools, 2019
Ramen Space Pants By: Samantha Moore and Evelyn Peterson Chillin’ in my space pants, eating ramen and reading twitter rants. Slurpin’ on my ramen, hopin’ nothing stains, staining my space pants would bring me lots of pain. I knew in my gut, ramen always stains, but, I wanted to be lazy. Maybe the stains won’t show, because the pants are already crazy. Naturally, another clothing casualty, Another sad loss to ramen. Now they serve no other purpose, they are now solely Ramen Space Pants.
CHEESE PIZZA By: Ella Johnson
Cheese Pizza, the lizard, hadn’t anticipated the direction his life would go. His parents had expected the best of him and he had blindly followed their example. His path was simple- do the best he can in high school, get a scholarship in lacrosse to a nearby school, go pre-law or pre-med and get somewhere comfortable. Unfortunately, his parents had made one massive mistake in their master plan for him- they named him Cheese Pizza. When Cheese arrived in the Big City, bright-eyed and spiny-tailed, he encountered a whole new world of which he hadn’t been aware. The dark underbelly of the Big City was the darkest and meanest in the country, and Cheese Pizza was about to run face first into it. Cheese’s lowly community college was situated right next to the heart of the slums of the city, and the campus had long been overrun with gangs. The first few months were the hardest, with all the new freshman lizards scrambling to either earn their place in the factions or simply not die walking across the quad. Cheese still has no idea how he made it through the first 3 months before finding his place. His place was a quiet little pizza parlor a few blocks from the outskirts of campus. He and his roommate had literally run into the place after getting caught up in a drug deal gone wrong. The place clearly hadn’t been renovated in years and was still sporting the original upholstery that the great-grandmother of the family who owned had plastered onto the chairs. It smelled of rosemary, tomatoes, and cigarettes and Cheese had never felt more at home. The parlor, Marlo’s Pies, had long been in the middle of the territorial disputes of the two most powerful gangs in the area, but had lasted this long and wasn’t about to give up. “Don’t you ever want to fight back, Mama?” Cheese asked the owner’s wife one day, she was a proud, large, Sicilian Wall Lizard with bright green scales interspersed with black dots across her body. She chuckled at him as she spread marinara sauce over dough. “Of course not, formaggio. We are better than the petty disputes of these ruffians.” The whole family followed these rules, and Cheese loved them more every day. He visited the restaurant far too often and neglected his studies even more than he had from just disinterest. The owners saw him as their son, and he saw them as the supportive, loving parents he had never gotten. Eventually, after Cheese had lost contact with his birth parents entirely, not a tough feat in the hell-hole he had found himself in, they took him in as their oldest son. Because they didn’t have any children of their own that were old enough to help out around the restaurant, and Cheese had already proven himself a reliable helper, they made Cheese the sole owner of the parlor in their will. No longer seeing a need for a degree, he would never use, Cheese dropped out of school and began focusing all his time on training to be the perfect pizza parlor owner. Years later, Cheese’s adoptive parents had been killed. It wasn’t unexpected, it happened all the time in the place they lived, but Cheese wasn’t prepared to say goodbye to the people who had made him into the lizard he was. He took over the shop immediately, caring for his younger siblings, only 13 and 10 at the time, and declared to the world that Marlo’s Pies was a neutral zone. And surprisingly, he was heard.
Comics by: Jade Howe
APRIL FOOLS, 2019
Stop Parking Your Truck Next to My Car
Q&A With a truck driver
Tessa Stigler Opinion Editor
Why did you decide to start driving a truck?
According to the most recent surgeon general’s report, truck drivers have been identified as the number one threat to our society today. In Dripping Springs, we know this all too well. Each morning, these monstrous vehicles prey on each and every one of our cars under their careless drivers’ jurisdiction. Scratching doors, damaging side mirrors, parking outside the lines - this needs to stop. Since the beginning of car time, truck drivers have fed off of fear. A survey conducted in 2017 by teen truck drivers confirms that these people are, in fact, monsters. 100% of respondents confirm that they drive a truck solely to make up for their insecurities, while another 50% raise their wheels for (literally) no good reason at all. 100% of trucks that park at DSHS have been sighted outside of the parking lines, probably because they’re always backing in so violently. Why do they do that? I count 57 trucks on my morning drive to school, and there are too many to count on my way home. I have never experienced a second of my life in Dripping Springs outside a 500-foot radius of these machines. At night, I am haunted by visions of junk on wheels hurling at my car. During the day, I am surrounded by these barbarian vehicles. For too long responsibly sized cars have fallen victim to truck drivers’ reign, and it is time to fight back. Sedans, minivans, and hatchbacks alike need to unite and show the trucks drivers that they will not be driven over any longer.
“One night, I had a dream, a dream that everything in the world turned to chaos at my finger tips. When I woke up that morning, I headed straight to the dealership to fulfill my prophecy.”
How often do you scratch other students cars in the parking lot? “Daily. My boys and I pick out a color for each week and target all those colored cars until there’s nothing left.”
Do you ever think about people other than yourself? “No, why would I do that? Do the other people drive trucks? Maybe then.”
What’s wrong with you? Really?
“Nothing. What’s wrong with you, clown car?” Tessa Stigler Opinion Editor
Photo by Tessa Stigler
Freshman Boy Mistakes USB For Juul, Gets Sent To Nurse’s Office With A Cut Lip
Why Does Everyone Keep Saying I Look Like Obama Throughout the 17 years of my life, I have struggled with something that only a fraction of people can relate to. You may think I’m talking about dealing with anxiety or even just the attention getting to my head. However, these do not compare. I cannot go to a public place without being stopped by someone or being asked for a picture. To put it in simpler terms, I am Obama. As it turns out, being a 5’1” female with blonde hair gets you a lot of popularity. Now I know this seems bizarre, but it has really taken a toll. I can just be walking down the street or going to get food, and someone will stop me to ask for a picture. “Obama! Can you take a picture with me?” they yell. The craziest incident to date was the time I was casually shopping at Urban Outfitters, and a girl walks up to me asking if I was shopping for Michelle Obama! First off, Michelle Obama does not wear clothes from Urban Outfitters, and second, what would Obama be doing in
Jami Holms Staff Writer
downtown Austin? At this point, I think I should be provided with security. When I meet a new person, I almost Hanna Gaither always get told that I resemble Mr. Obama. At first, I was surprised, but Staff Writer after 17 years of hearing this, it is almost something I expect to hear The epidemic of every single day. “juuling” has cursed this Although I am used to people asking community an entire year, for pictures, I never expected my privacy and the harmful effects of to be invaded so much. After the this can now be observed. BuzzFeed article “This Uncanny Barack As many are aware, the Obama Look-Alike Will Shock You” far-famed Juuls closely came out, people have been finding resemble USB ports, but no my location, sending me mail, and even one ever suspected that following me around. I totally relate to the physical appearance celebrities that hate the press or have to was so similar. According dress up in a secret identity. to an anonymous source, However, it has gotten so bad my an unnamed freshman friends do not even want to hang out boy mistook a USB port with me. This has become extremely that was laying on a desk hard to deal with, especially being an for a Juul. He tried taking extroverted person. Sometimes, I don’t a hit, and when it was even want to leave my house because not working correctly, he the press just becomes too much. decided it to be a good I know this may be hard to idea to keep trying to hit hear, especially if you think it. After many minutes of someone you look up failed attempts at nicotine to is telling you this, but inhalation, his lip was cut, sometimes the people his hopes were shattered. are too much. Being He reluctantly went to the Barack Obama is a nurse’s office, lip cut into hard task (I could pieces. This problem has not even imagine to come to an end. The if I actually had freshmen male population his responsibilities) is taking hits left and right, so I please ask literally and figuratively, that if you see as many of them fall prey me, respect my to the USB port facade. privacy. Although Our community turns a Obama is a blind eye to the harmful friendly guy, I am consequences, as sure this is how he observed with this incident. feels as well! In the wisest way possible to ask, “Why can’t I just eat my waffle?” Barack Obama said when trying to eat at a Scranton diner.
Photo by Tessa Stigler
CONTACT US General Questions: DSHSstudentmedia@dsisdconnect.com 512-858-3243 Advertising Inquiries: DSHSadvertising@gmail.com
Lifestyle & the Arts Giselle Galletti ‘19 & Camryn Horst ‘19 Cover Design
Features Editor Katie Haberman ‘20
Creative Editor Jade Howe ‘19
@myDSHSnews @myDSHSsports @my_dshs_news
50% of those respondents were lying.
15% of Juulers have lost a friendship over pod-related disagreements. 40% of Juulers report smelling like blue raspberry constantly. 25% of Juulers admit to pretending to know vape by tricks. Graphic Tessa Stigler OPINION
MEET THE STAFF Sports Editor Rigley Willis ‘20
20% of Juulers think they could stop if they wanted to.
Opinion Editor Tessa Stigler ‘20
News Editor Jade Berry ‘19
Staff Writers Hanna Gaither, Jami Holms, Samantha Moore, Evelyn Peterson, Cady Russell, Andrew Spiegel, Collin Spires, Madeline Tredway, Mitchell Williams
The PawPrint welcomes reader viewpoints through letters to the editor and guest columns. Opinions expressed in PawPrint are not necessarily those of the Dripping Springs High School or Dripping Springs ISD administration
EDITORIALS, COLUMNS, & LETTERS
Editorials express the opinion of the writers. Letters and columns are the opinions of an individual and not PawPrint
To submit a letter, email DSHSstudentmedia@dsisdconnect. com. Letters should be a maximum of 400 words. The letter is not guaranteed to be published.
APRIL Fools, 2019
Serve, Strike, Strum? Student’s Racket Malfunction Leads to a Harmonious Solo Collin Spires Staff Writer
The typical routine for this Junior tennis player at Dripping Springs High School turns terribly wrong. After the tough loss last week, he let his frustration out by slamming his tennis racket onto the court. It was a long week, but he soon found the new racket he wanted. The only problem: There was no string on it. When asked about how the situation was going, Junior James Henry responded, “It is hard to find a racket like the one you have been used to for so long, but I was able to buy the same one without strings,” Henry said. Off of the court, James also plays weekly at Hudson’s on Mercer where he performs solos with his guitar. He has not let the love of music affect his athletic career for the most part. Henry has a strong passion for both activities, “Ever since I could walk, I was always playing with my plastic tennis racket and toy guitar, Henry said. As I grew older, my friends would always ask me which one I would pursue in, but every time I gave them the same long speech about how I will never get rid of one or the other.” Once James got his new racket, he looked up how to string the tennis racket, because all of his older rackets had come with the strings already on it. Learning new things can be challenging, but fun, “It was fun to learn something new,” Henry said, “After awhile of doing it I actually got the hang of it, so it went by really fast.” The next day, the Tigers competed in a home tournament and Henry was able to try out his new racket with the new string he had put on it the night before. Learning and correcting is important in life, “I was super excited for the match today,” Henry said, “I knew all the hard work would pay off, but when the match started and I returned the serve my racket made a musical note. I was very confused and kept playing the whole game. After the game, I took a closer look at the racket and noticed I used my guitar string on the tennis racket.” Photo by Rigley Willis. Photo of Mitchell Williams
Jimmer Coachman plans to lead the Tigers to State Sports Editor
Bernie Coachman has recently been appointed the new head coach at Dripping Springs High School. Following Coachman is his son Jimmer, the highest ranked 5 year old in the nation. Jimmer, listed at 3’4”, is said to start for the varsity this coming winter. “My son is a flat out hooper,” Coach Coachman said, “I keep my son on a very strict basketball regimen, basketball in the morning, basketball during lunch, and basketball in place of school.” Jimmer Coachman is set to receive starting minutes over Adonis Walker, who was firstteam all-district in his junior year campaign. “I don’t want to say anything too rash, but I have my accolades, and this kid just comes in and takes the starting job from me? That’s not [going to] happen. Bye, bye Dripping Springs, I’m taking my talents to LBJ,” Walker said. Practice has been rough for the Tigers so far, Jimmer is struggling and the team is finding it difficult to rally behind a leader that hasn’t finished the second grade. “First, [Adonis] left, now this kid, who was supposed to be this phenom, is struggling to get the ball to the rim,” center Corey Thomas said, “I’m not going to waste my senior year dealing with this.” As of right now, Dripping Springs will be without both Walker and Thomas, who averaged 30 points and 10 rebounds between them. The team is going to be forced to lean on Jimmer Coachman, who still has yet to show any reason why he’s worth the losses the Tigers took.
Warner Bros Caught in a Space Jam The World looks for answers as the Monstars have gone missing ahead of the Space Jam 2 premiere Mitchell Williams Staff Writer
On February 21, 2019, the release date for the much anticipated sequel to the classic “Space Jam” was announced. It was set for July 16, 2021. There has been much speculation as to why the date is so far in the future. Some have said it is simply due to the fact that NBA players, like star LeBron James, have limited time to film. New leaked research, however, has found that the infamous Monstars have gone missing. The extensiveness of the issue is far reaching, with President Trump initiating a NASA search that was secretly launched on Christmas day in 2018. When asked about the issue, the president’s only words were “We must build the wall.” It seems that the whole build a wall issue has been code for the Monstar search for a while now. Jim Bridenstine, NASA’s administrator, declined an interview, but
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tweeted that this has been “The toughest assignment in the history of our country.” While progress is slow, Bridenstine has come to the conclusion that Swackhammer, the leader of the Monstars, has been scheming in the Sombrero Galaxy ever since he was ousted by Jordan in 1996. Given that the Sombrero is over 29 million light years away from Earth, and is focused around a massive black hole, we can now fully understand the time-line for release of the film. As Michael Jordan once famously said, “The ceiling is the roof” for this investigation; we are simply not technologically advanced enough to endure such space travel. That is why NASA is reverting to cellular devices that emit signals through space. More information about the search will be available soon. As for the present, all we can do is hope, pray, and wait for these aliens to be abducted.
Missing Drawing by Jade Howe
Dripping Springs High School