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TRANSFORM PLASTICS CENTRE

A tough looking group of bikers were out riding when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge so they stop. The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?" "I'm going to commit a suicide," came the reply While the biker didn’t want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity he asked "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?" so, she does and it was a long, deep lingering kiss.

Stockists of: Freefoam fascias and soffits Flowplast guttering, down pipes and fittings Decorative internal paneling for showers and wet rooms Eaves protector @1.5 metres

After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had. That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous why are you committing suicide?" "My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl......"

Silicones, polytop pins, etc Purpose made windows and doors (these are to order) We can supply only or supply and fit most building plastics

01608 646829

mob: 07950 832517 fax: 01608 643820 email: Info@transform-plastics-centre.co.uk www.transform-plastics-centre.co.uk TRANSFORM PLASTICS CENTRE Unit 15, Elmsfield Industrial Estate Worcester Road, Chipping Norton, OX7 5XL

To advertise call 01608 641712 or email: imakesigns@tiscali.co.uk


The Oxfordshire Highwayman This publication is being produced as a light hearted local magazine with jokes, stories, local news and articles some true others a bit far fetched there may occasionally be articles or jokes that may sometimes offend, it’s not my intention to offend but I hope you are broad minded enough for it to put a smile on your face. So please, do not be outraged on behalf of an imaginary friend or the rest of mankind if you don’t like it just put it back and go and sit down. If something I write could be taken two ways and one upsets you - I meant it the other way....

Imake Signs. Tel: 01608 641 712 imakesigns@tiscali.co.uk

There will be jokes or stories some you have heard before, I expect some will be repeated but I will try not to repeat them as often as Top Gear is repeated on Dave. To advertise call: 01608 641712 Email to: imakesigns@tiscali.co.uk Pictures and articles taken off the internet to save you looking will include the appropriate credits to whoever where possible. Are you a budding Journalist? Do you have anything interesting to say about Chippy, short stories, funny stories? Something amusing that happened to you you would like to share, stories you couldn’t make up type of stuff, a funny someone has emailed you or sent it via your mobile, if so please send them to: Imakesigns@tiscali.co.uk

The Crown & Cushion

RESTAURANT 23 High Street, Chipping Norton, Oxfordshire OX7 5AD

HARRY PARDOE

Dry Stone Walling 01608 683686 07765 931718

My wife and I were lying in bed the other day. My hands were slowly finding their way across her body. I whispered, "I'm gonna make you the happiest woman in the world." She whispered back, "I'll miss you."

Not just for special occasions, our Restaurant offers a full a la carte menu, open evenings and Sunday Lunch including Carvery. Bar meals available Lunchtimes & Evenings. 01608 642533

To advertise call 01608 641712 or email: imakesigns@tiscali.co.uk


An RAF Group Captain was about to start the morning briefing to his staff. While waiting for the coffee machine to finish its brewing, the Group Captain decided to pose a question to all assembled. He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep. He posed the question of just how much of sex was "work" and how much of it was "pleasure?" A Wing Commander chimed in with 75-25% in favour of work. A Squadron Leader said it was 50-50%. A Flight Lieutenant responded with 25-75% in favour of pleasure, depending upon his state of inebriation at the time. There being no consensus, the Group Captain turned to the Corporal who was in charge of making the coffee. What was his opinion? Without any hesitation, the young Corporal responded, "Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure." The Group Captain was surprised and, as you might guess, asked why? "Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them." Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

To advertise call 01608 641712 or email: imakesigns@tiscali.co.uk


Amazing photograph sent in by Dave while flying over Africa en route to Kenya.

Chipping Norton Museum of Local History

For the technically minded the photo was taken with a Canon D90 wide angled lens F2.8, speed 500 mph

Shop

above the Open

Monday to Saturday 2-4pm, Easter - End October & Bank Holiday Mondays

If You have amazing photographs like this please send them to: Imakesigns@tiscali.co.uk

TILING-SLATING-LEADWORK-INSULATION-FELT ROOFING

www.cotswoldroofing.co.uk Office: 01608 641 067 Rob: 07973 895 730 Karl: 07952 804 617

To advertise call 01608 641712 or email: imakesigns@tiscali.co.uk


Well done Kylie!

Despite all your years in show business you haven’t learnt how to hold a teddy bear and a microphone at the same time

SUPERMARKET SCAM A "caution" for those men who “food” shop on their own. This one caught me by surprise. Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get food has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive to think it couldn't happen to you. Here's how the scam works: Two good-looking 20-21 year old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the boot. They both start washing and wiping your windscreen with J cloths, just wearing skimpy thin tee shirts that gets wet and sort-of see thru so its obvious they are cold so you offer something to cover themselves. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they said "No" but we are cold so instead they ask you for a lift to a nearby café or somewhere similar. You agree and they get in the back seat. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them climbs over the front seat and starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet. I had my wallet stolen March 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th , 24th & 29th. Also April 1st, 4th, twice on the 8th, 16th, 23rd, 26th, 30th, three times last Saturday and very likely again this upcoming weekend. So tell your friends, be careful.

To advertise call 01608 641712 or email: imakesigns@tiscali.co.uk


To advertise call 01608 641712 or email: imakesigns@tiscali.co.uk

The Oxfordshire Highwayman  

Local magazine.

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