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RED - DELTA : Applies in the immediate area where a terrorist attack has occurred or when intelligence has been received that terrorist action against a specific location or person is imminent. DELTA is usually declared as a localized condition and is not intended to be sustained for substantial periods.










My government gave me this photograph of the Earth1 and my government gave me this fake of the Moon.2 It took several governments to give me this photograph of another 173 million objects in the sky.3 Of all the places my government could have sent me, they sent me here to this town. A town named TRACY. Not accepting this 17 day mission #8 was not an option. At this time I had already been in a condition RED - DELTA for 937 days.

It was during this time here I was part of two additional attacks. One I only witnessed the aftermath and the clean up while the other I couldn’t see as I was involved.

I do not know which side I was on.

DELTA is usually declared as a localized condition and is not intended to be sustained for substantial periods.

1. Blue Marble - January 4th - 5 days before I arrived in Tracy, California. - NASA/NOAA/GSFC/Suomi NPP/VIIRS/Norman Kuring. 2. Full Moon - The first time that accurate shadows are possible in such a computer simulation. - NASA/Goddard Space Flight Center Scientific Visualization Studio. 3. Via Lactea (Milky Way) - 315 square degrees of the sky, less than 1% of the entire sky, during 1,929 hours of observation during a 5 year period. - Courtesy ESO/JosĂŠ Francisco.


January 9

10 January

11 January

12 January

13 January

I drove to a city in which I used to live. There was something I wanted to do there on this particular day. I used to live right here up those stairs, through that circle, up two more sets of stairs and in the back of a make shift attic. During all that time, I never noticed that rising sun or that setting sun over the window I saw out but only once. I wished for another chance.

Now on this specific day, in the last hour of this day, I had returned and there was a moment when it felt as if I had never left.

14 January I had not been to this place in many many many years even if I sometimes wished I could enter once a month or once a day or once an hour or more. I paid the man with the stupid tie so he let me in. It was more than it should be and I hated him for it. It is never quite like I remember it. This time, tonight, it seemed smaller than ever before too. It was more unkempt, more dirty in the ways I wished it wasn’t, it was darker and it no longer possessed an impressive majesty. This night it was not busy, there was no one in my way to get to where I was going inside. There were no workers milling about to peek at like there always had been before. I missed that. I went to the seat, the very seat I had last sat in here so long ago, chosen with purpose, with the intent it would yet again serve as my hope designed. I waited and while I did I watched a her, dancing in and out of the light in beat with the music I cannot recall nor likely heard anyway. She was the kind of woman I cannot meet but wanted to, the kind of woman I wish I could say I have had, but have not. She knows this, it is why I would assume this her is here for me to give my money to. This her at which I was staring however, she would not get my money this night. The song was about to end as I wondered what her face looked like when they applied her ink scars. That’s when it happened and it hadn’t even taken a single song.“Would you like some company?” Was whispered in my ear so closely I could almost feel her lips. “Yes,” I said, without even looking at her. I wanted to be targeted and chosen, not choose myself. I wanted to know what it felt like to be a customer today, this particular day and I was about to, just like that. I let it begin just like she desired or designed. I took her offered hand and she led the way, when I finally looked at her, well, she looked just like you, to terrifying detail. Only this her, her skin was the opposite color and her hair was absent of any at all. The hair was the same shape, the same curls, the same volume. I watched it as it fell down her back and around her shoulders as she weaved me through this place. It glistened with it’s blackness as my eyes left staring at it and moved down her body to her feet and back up again.

That glisten brought me comfort. We got to the booth, an arch covered nook, really. She pulled back the curtain exposing the small blanket covered red love seat inside it and she smiled. I walked under her arm and remembered the last time I was here, it had all happened the same way. I sat down on the love seat and tried to not think about the cleanliness of the blanket. I sat on the edge near the archway so I could watch her climb over me to the other side. She entered the booth, this nook and closed the curtain behind her. She then climbed over me and she did so with a grace no one in such shoes should have, but always do. She sat next to me and I wanted her to explain it to me, tell me what she wanted me to want from her. She said the things she could do, would do, if I only paid just this much or that much. It was too much. I told her how much was my all. I got out my wallet and counted my money, I wanted her to see that I was hiding nothing and offering my everything. I counted through the bills and as I was, I saw her reach down and simply take what I hadn’t counted yet. I do not know if she saw me see this or not and in that moment, I didn’t care. She said if I could get more, just this much more from the machine just outside our booth, our nook, she would do all she could and would. I agreed. She stood up, she turned away from me, she put her money, my old money, away into some funny sparkling bag and she then faced me. She seemed 100 feet tall and I liked that. She took off whatever she had been wearing that I had never actually noticed. I had only seen her shapes, the way her shapes looked just like yours. Her hair, her stocky feminine build, her muscles, her tone, her giggle, her attitude and the surgery she’d had that was clearly, well, surgery she’d had to make her shapes what they now were. She was now naked except for those shoes, towering over me. She pushed my legs apart and stood between my knees. She told me to take my pants off, so I stood up and I did, trying to forget I was about to sit back down on that love seat, that blanket. I looked at her again, I was still taller than her even in those shoes and now she seemed so small. She looked up at me in the dim, dim light in this booth, this nook, and she said, “I

bet you have a big dick.” I laughed, quietly and told her, “A lot of women assume that.” I stared right into her eyes; her green in this light eyes and I sat down with my pants down. She reached in to her funny sparkling bag and pulled out a condom. She put it on me even though I wasn’t ready for it to be there. She did this with her mouth. Just her mouth. Then as she pushed my knees farther apart I could no longer see anything but that hair and all its lack of color. I watched it glisten in the dim, again. It wasn’t enough, this wasn’t working when what I wanted was for it to be enough, for this to work, as it was the only option I had to fulfill these desires, right now, this day. I leaned my head back, shut my eyes and wished she looked nothing like you, yet, of course she did. She wasn’t giving up although I had almost instantly. She shifted and now straddled my right leg, still using her mouth on the condom, on me, still not ready. I watched the muscles to the side of her spine flex with her breathing. I could feel her surgery shapes on either side of my leg, I reached out and I put my hand all around one. It was too big for my hand and I felt her mouth tighten with my touch each time I caressed it. It felt just like yours when I touched it. Of course it did. She planted her feet, stopped and leaned up into me, whispering in my ear, “Are you okay?” So I told her my everything, “No.” She turned her back to me, now standing between my knees, she leaned forward, put her hands on the booth, nook, wall and showed me her ass. It had the same shape yours does, of course it did. I watched it as she lowered it down, into my lap. I watched the top of it, where the part meets the spine as it nuzzled into me. I stared at her ink scars, running up her back in symbols I could never read like I can read yours now that I know how. I felt her hands take me, still not ready, from under her and on top of me and place me in, rub me in, work me in, I felt me, still not ready, still in the condom, go in her. I thought of the first moment I was in you, where for just that first moment, that first feel, there was nothing between us. Now, with her, of course there was and nothing was working. No matter my will, no matter my money, no matter her efforts. I watched her try, keep

trying, always moving. I watched her back start to glisten with sweat, glisten like her hair as a bead of that sweat started to trickle down that small valley along her spine between those long rounded muscles on either side. I reached around her, with both hands and felt her surgery shapes, again. I closed my eyes, I pulled her closer, I gripped her right hip with my right hand, I gripped her left surgery shape with my left hand and I finally finished, in the condom, in her. I did all this without ever being happy. I took a deep breath as she stood up and off of me. I stood, I reached down, pulled off the condom and threw it in the large, silver, mall style garbage can just to the right. I reached down and pulled up my pants. She looked at me and smiled, I laughed. Loudly. She said, “What’s so funny?” To which I replied, “This is just weird.” Now she laughed, loudly, “All the men say that.” She, still mostly naked, opened the curtain and pointed to the machine just outside our booth, our nook. She had done all she could, and would, and I still had to pay her, that more. I walked up to this machine but the machine told me, “OUT OF ORDER.” I turned and relayed the message to her, standing behind me. She looked at the machine, then at me and told me there was another, up front. She put her top on and walked with me to the front. This time, she did not take my hand. I walked up to this machine but this machine also told me, “OUT OF ORDER.” I relayed this message as well. She looked at the machine, then at me and told me there was another, across the street. I looked at her, standing there, staring at me and back at the machine. The machine still said, “OUT OF ORDER.” So I turned and walked through the doors of this place that lacked it’s impressive majesty and I crossed the street, went into the deli, found the machine, placed my card in, entered my code and stared at the amount more I needed. The amount was right there on the screen,“FLASHING AT ME.” I stared at the amount more I needed and I thought about how she had taken what I had not counted to give her yet, not so long ago. I pressed the cancel button, I took my card out, I walked to my car and I drove back to my hotel. - 15 January

Profile View Of Solar Flare Eruption Loops The Size Of Several Earths4 January 15 --I didn’t know anything about Tracy, so I looked on the internet and the internet taught me Tracy is most known for a fire. On August 7, 1998 a fire began at a tire disposal facility in Tracy, California that was illegally storing approximately 7 million tires. Determined too dangerous and polluting to the groundwater to attempt to extinguish, this fire was allowed to burn itself out. Initial reports said it could burn for as long as two weeks. This Tracy fire would go on to continuously burn for well over two years and the groundwater was polluted anyway.

4. Lovely Loops - January 15-16, 2012 - Credit: NASA/GSFC/SDO.

I got as close as I was able to where this more than two year fire had burned. I looked straight up and I looked straight down.

Fifty Feet Downwind Of: 121o 25’ 05” W, 37o 41’ 12” N January 15 “Now, nearly 13 years after the fire broke out Aug. 7, 1998, the possible health impact of the black smoke from the burning tires is centered on one family’s eyes. A mother, her teenage daughter and a 4-year-old daughter living near or downwind from the fire all went blind, and medical researchers suspect the combination of the smoke and a little-known genetic disease could be the cause.”5 --There, just past the brush, low berm, poles and no dumping sign, is the large pit that was the previous site of S.F. Royster’s Tire Disposal Facility. The fire started the day after Royster lost his final appeal with the waste management board over fire safety concerns. On August 14, 1998 just 7 days after the fire started, Royster was indicted on bankruptcy fraud charges. On August 18, 1998 just 11 days after the fire started, Royster died of lung and throat cancer.

5. Tracy Press - January 14, 2011 Tracing Tracy Territory: The Fire That Keeps On Burning - Sam Matthews

I was being watched here too from some place far away and there was nothing I could do about it. The only sound in the air was the water, running all around this place but no where to be seen. It hides in its home right underneath my feet but I couldn’t see it. In this almost quiet here, I wondered what that poisoned water tasted like and when I shut my eyes I could feel the gentle wind all around me. It felt as if it was coming from every direction all at once.

During these 17 days I received a single visitor from my past. A man that once upon a time often tried to protect me from myself.

I had already been to the happiest place on earth not far from here. I didn’t find it joyful. So I decided to go to where I had been told was the most beautiful place on earth instead. It also was not far. When I got there it was very cold and soon snow began to fall all around me. There was a thick mist hovering in the sky just out of reach. I could not see what I came for and everywhere I could see looked like it too had just burned.

16 January

17 January

18 January

19 January

20 January

21 January

22 January

23 January

24 January

25 January

26 January - I was leaving the hotel, I couldn’t just sit there. I hadn’t slept in over 24 hours and although the work day was over with a single day remaining, I again couldn’t sleep. It was time to do something, anything. When I was walking through the lobby on my way out, there were many of my co-workers sitting around and telling stories, drinking. I nodded and went out the doors. Several hours later when I returned, two of them were still there. A large, single bottle of golden liquor sat between them but this bottle was all gone minus the sliver of gold across the bottom of the glass glistening in the bad hotel lobby light. They waved me over and I joined them. It was just after midnight. I had my books in my hand and the man closer to me asked to see one. I handed it over, the man opened it and started reading aloud as if it was poetry. His voiced boomed throughout the bad hotel lobby as he, now standing and sarcastically pontificating, wildly gestured along with the words. He would occasionally laugh in his own amusement after reading for some time. Then, he became quiet and simply sat down, reading only to himself. With this show over, the other man who had been laughing along, excused himself in his usual gentlemanly way and vanished upstairs. I watched the man read my book until he suddenly proclaimed, “I have to piss.” The man stood up, walked around the corner into the hall and vanished. I started gathering my things, stood to leave and that’s when I saw the man come back around the corner from the hall. He was laughing, “I didn’t make it.” Sure enough, he hadn’t. He had pissed himself. I grabbed my forever machine, also laughing and he spread his legs as he almost fell over, propping himself up on the wall while also trying to light a cigarette. The flash of my forever machine boomed around the bad hotel lobby. We were both laughing. It was 12:34 a.m. and with that, I told him good night and I went to my room. All I wanted in the world was to sleep. Just one more work day then the big drive, out of and finally away from this place. I got to my room, stripped down and collapsed on the bed. I stared around in the dark and waited for sleep. A few minutes went by and I heard a loud, furious banging on my hotel door. It was so damn loud, strong, I feared the door itself would not hold. I rolled over, ignoring it, trying to get over the jolt of loud at my door. A few moments passed, BOOM, BOOM, BOOM, each BOOM, got louder and louder. I thought to myself, there is no reason for anyone to be at my door, more or less, doing this. I tried to ignore it. Then, I heard my name, “JONATHAN!” Followed by another BOOM, BOOM, BOOM. “JONATHAN, it’s [the man]!” BOOM, BOOM, BOOM. I got up, wrapped a towel around myself I found on the floor, walked to the door and peeked through the peephole. Sure enough, there was the man. He looked towering through the peephole. Bulked up, larger and taller and well, bigger in every way and I’d been working with him for day after day here. Now, suddenly through this peephole, he looked enormous. I latched the door and opened it just enough to see him. He was sweaty, he was breathing really hard, each breath made his whole body heave. He turned his head from the peephole and towards me, looking at him through my latched door. He was crying, I could see the tears running down his face. I looked him over, something wasn’t quite right beyond just his mood. Then I saw his hand, dripping blood. “The mother fuckers jumped me man, they fucking jumped me. All that time I was over there they never got me, now here, in my country, the Arabs jumped me! You gotta let me in, you gotta photograph what they did to me!” I shut the door, undid the latch and let him in. The man walked right by me into my dark hotel room as I checked the hall to see if anyone else had come out, been stirred by the yelling and BOOM, BOOM, BOOM. The hall was empty, all the other doors, closed. I shut my door and turned the light on. The man was pacing, pacing madly back and forth, forth and back. I squeezed by him, found my pants, got them on and found my forever machine. I sat on the edge of my bed and just watched him pace. The man was shaking, all over. The man was breathing hard, he could barely catch his breath. He was getting worse and worse, then finally, after many long minutes of watching all this, I was able to get in the question, “What happened?” The man said, “I went to the [store name] to get more cigarettes. When I walked out, there were two fucking Arabs in the parking lot. They asked me for a cigarette and I told them no. When I was walking away from them, they just fucking jumped me!” The man went on to tell the story, how the two men jumped him from behind at the same time, knocking him down. He told me, he re-enacted and then he showed me in explicit pantomime all that happened. How he put his hand down to try and stop his fall, how he spun and started swinging at anything and how he yelled and screamed. Finally he also told me, how his military training kicked in. The man was still pacing, wildly gesticulating and growing more manic. “I am going to firebomb that fucking [store name]! I called my old military buddy already, he’s got my back for anything, we are firebombing that fucking [store name] right fucking now.” The man held out his palm,“Take a picture of this!” I did. The man held out his arm, skin peeled, smeared blood, bruising already turning the colors it does, “Take a picture of this!” I did. The man stuck out his tongue, which had been bitten or cut when he was punched, “Take a picture of this!” I did. The man pulled his shirt back, revealing the marks from where they got around his throat,“Take a picture of this!” I did. The man showed me his cheek, but it was really his upper lip and chin, more cuts from the punching,“Take a picture of this!” I did. Finally, the man showed me the back of his left hand, still dripping blood, “Take a picture of this!” I did. I looked at his hand closer, there was a bulging dark red pool of blood, just under that, there was white. The man would push on it and one could see it move. “When they jumped me and I spun to fight back, I caught one in the mouth, I got the fucker’s tooth in my hand!” I made him hold it up again, I took another frame, the flash from my forever machine boomed around the room. It was now, 2:38 a.m. It seems I had possibly gotten some sleep, maybe an hour or a little more. So while I was finally asleep, this man was attacked and being beaten. After my last flash boomed around the room, the man went back to frantically pacing. Still shaking, still crying, still full of rage and intent to firebomb the [store name]. I tried to calm him. I tried to let him know that wasn’t likely a good idea. He came up to me and got in my face, directing his rage at me. I kept my voice the same and just kept talking, even though there was nothing to be said, no reasoning. The man stepped back, turned, walked to the desk in my room and then threw the chair. I asked if he wanted me to call the police. I told him he should. The man said no. I told him the [store name] likely had surveillance video. I told him they should. The man said he didn’t care. Then I said, “That is a human tooth in your hand, you need to go to the Emergency Room.” The man said no. I sat down on the edge of the bed and started trying to find my shirt. My things were strewn about the room, some by me, some by him. “You need to go to the ER,” I pleaded, looking for the closest one on my maps.“You need to go to the ER,” I just kept repeating. His pacing was getting more manic. I said it again,“You need to go to the ER.” Then, while doing laps of my room, he suddenly stopped, picked up the chair, sat down at the desk and starting weeping. I looked over at the man, sitting at the desk. “I didn’t want to kill women and children, I didn’t want to kill women and children, I didn’t want to kill women and children.” This sentence was being repeated like a mantra, with a crackling, breaking voice, while the man stared at the desk and occasionally, looking at me while saying it, his eyes full of wet glistening. I told him again, “You need to go to the ER.” I had found one, it was almost 45 minutes away. I showed him on the map. I took another look at his hand. I told him, “That could be a tooth, but what if it is part of your bone, your hand is swelling, your adrenaline is fading. Forget the police, forget firebombing the [store name], forget everything, let’s go to the ER. You have insurance, you have benefits, let’s go.” He stood up, pulled his wallet out and started looking for his insurance card. He got as far as a photograph in his wallet of his child, then he sat back down and it all repeated… An hour or more later, with much of the same, we were finally in the car. He ranted at me and told me his plans of vengeance, his regrets and the things he cannot take back he so desperately wants to. I listened while I kept that car between the lines, well, tried to. I dreamed of sleep and thought, maybe this was all a dream. So I’d look for his eyes when the road straightened to see if I could see that glisten of wet on them in the dark. I did. It was that glisten that made me realize, this is not a dream, this is really happening. The emergency room parking lot was a small one, as was the hospital itself. There were almost no cars in the lot but the sign above the doors was all lit up, waiting it seemed just for us. We got out of the car, walking side by side and I started telling him we were doing the right thing, we needed to be here. The doors opened automatically and that’s when I heard a soft yelling behind me. He was no longer beside me. I turned and saw a lone figure in the parking lot, not far from our car. The man was doing Tai Chi, right there, under the glow of parking lot lights faking the sun from multiple directions all at once. The sky was starting to fade to blue from black on the horizon as dawn was near. I walked over to him,“We are almost there, let’s go in.” He almost ignored me, kept doing his moves then finally said,“Not yet, wait.” So I did. Eventually, we went inside. I drove us back to the hotel in the soft, early morning sunlight. I had to begin my shift in 45 minutes. I went to my room, put everything back in place, packed my things, went back to the bad hotel lobby, ate the free food, met the co-workers and we all went to work. When my work was over and after two days of working and two nights without sleeping, I drove away and tried to stay within those lines painted on the road for the next 6 hours. There was nothing to watch glisten and I do not remember driving it.

GREEN - NORMAL : Applies when a general global threat of possible terrorist activity exists and warrants a routine security posture. BLUE - ALPHA : Applies when there is an increased general threat of possible terrorist activity against personnel or facilities, the nature and extent of which are unpredictable. ALPHA measures must be capable of being maintained indefinitely. YELLOW - BRAVO : Applies when an increased or more predictable threat of terrorist activity exists. Sustaining BRAVO measures for a prolonged period may affect operational capability and militarycivil relationships with local authorities. ORANGE - CHARLIE : Applies when an incident occurs or intelligence is received indicating that some form of terrorist action or targeting against personnel or facilities is likely. Implementation of CHARLIE measures may create hardship and affect the activities of the unit and its personnel.



jonathan saunders



»Tracy / Sharpe – A True Story«  

Jonathan Saunders

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