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The Girlfriend Experience

Romain Mader / ECAL 2012


THE FOLLOWING IS A TRUE STORY.


IT REALLY HAPPENED.


Trigger


my wingman


R


i s s u R

o C n a

e n 誰 a c


«WHAT NEED IS SPANK


ATT YOU A GOOD KING!»


VIENNA VIENNA


AA


THE PEAC TECHN


COCKING NIQUE.


I WAS SINCERE. Y O U DIFFE


BEING . REALLY. W E R E RENT.


«WE COULD GO TO THE ZOO, SEE WHAT THE ANIMALS ARE UP TO…»


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1. Trigger

2. VOYEUR

Tout à commencé quand j’ai décidé que, comme les autres garçons normaux, je pourrai avoir des relations sexuelles avec des filles et leurs amies. C’était vraiment difficile au début car je suis du genre timide… Je me suis mis à chercher un coach de drague et après beaucoup d’investigations j’ai trouvé Jan a. k. a. Trigger1, mon wingman (copilote). Trigger est de Genève, je l’ai rencontré via un ami qui me l’a fortement recommandé. Nous étions les deux à la recherche du bonheur à court terme, rapide efficace et surtout sans problèmes. Notre principale motivation était de trouver des filles avec qui s’amuser et avoir une histoire prenante à raconter à nos petits enfants dans le futur. Trigger avait pour habitude de sortir à Lausanne car, personne ne le connaissait et parce qu’il trouvait cette ville plus ouverte pour ce genre de jeu/chasse. Nous avons donc commencé à sortir ensemble sur Lausanne. Après quelques rencontres la routine commençait à s’installer, nous avions un ordre bien précis des bars dans lesquels nous devions passer prendre un verre et aborder des jolies jeunes et moins jeunes suisses. A l’inverse de Trigger j’avais passé la plus part de mon premier quart de vie dans cette ville. Le but était donc d’aller dans des endroits où le marché était porteur et inconnu pour nous. Notre chemin pour le 7ème ciel ressemblait à ça : The Great Escape, ensuite la Girafe, suivi rapidement du XIIIe siècle et finalement le Lido… avec un peu d’ambition l’appartement d’une fille… mais cela ne fonctionnait pas vraiment comme on le souhaitait au début. Aborder les filles en anglais les faisaient rentrer dans un jeu, elles se rendaient bien compte que j’étais de langue maternelle française comme elles mais cela les intriguaient et elles se joignaient à mon petit jeu dans la plus part des cas. Ce petit divertissement ne marchait pas dutout sur les hommes, il les rendaient plutôt agressifs que sympathiques.

Après quelques soirées d’entraide (bien qu’il ait été plus avancé que moi) nous étions prêt pour le grand saut dans les culottes des filles. Un jour dans ma cave j’ai remarqué les bouteilles de vin datant de 1988 que mon père avait acheté à ma naissance. Elles étaient stockées au frais pour le jour ou j’aurai un événement important à célébrer, le mariage si j’avais bien compris. La pression était grande et il fallait que l’on débouche ces bouteilles avant qu’elles ne soient imbuvable. Ma motivation redoublait et les sorties aussi.

1

Trigger, ?ans, philosophe contemporain, Genève.

3. VIENNA Je réalise plusieurs voyages pour voir si l’herbe est plus verte dans d’autres contrées, un premier voyage à Vienne me redonne de l’espoir quant à ma vie sexuelle mais ce n’est toujours pas ça. Peut-être à cause de mon allemand aproximatif ou de mon envie démesurée de Käsekrainers. Je m’accroche à une demoiselle autrichienne, tente de la séduire, fini par être invité plusieurs fois chez elle… mais hélas l’alcool, trop présent dans mon sang, me fait tomber comme une pierre dans son lit. Mal de crâne et embaras me réveillent, je m’échappe. Mon coach m’avait donné quelques phrases d’ouverture à essayer, je m’y appliquais et remarquait que les plus simples restaient les plus efficaces mais que ça ne marchait pas tout le temps non plus. Avant de sortir il y avait tout une phase d’apprentissage via des livres, dont le très fameux «Bang» du pick-up artist 2 Roosh V3. On y lit les aventures et techniques d’hommes à l’aise avec les filles. «À l’aise?» sera d’ailleurs une des phrases d’introduction proposée par mon compagnon de kermesse. J’ai compris assez vite que cela ne fonctionne pas vraiment sur toutes les filles de tous les milieux… Voir pas du tout. Mais c’était amusant de se prendre un vent et de ne plus se soucier de l’avis des gens. Je crois que ces méthodes aident beaucoup plus à se sentir libre et oublier sa timidité que réellement fonctionner sur les filles. C’est plus le fait de donner l’impression d’être à l’aise que de demander si elles le sont qui fonctionne. Trigger me suggérait d’ailleurs de ne pas poser de questions sur l’état de la fille, de ne pas donner trop d’informations dès le début car la conversation risquerait de couper court. 2 3

Pick-up artist est un titre que se donnent les gens qui pratiquent la game. Le site internet de Roosh V: http://www.rooshv.com


4. THE PEACOCKING TECHNIQUE A plusieurs reprises lors de nos sorties il à utilisé la technique de Mystery4, la fameuse technique du Peacocking5. Cette technique requiert beaucoup d’auto dérision et vous attirera les foudres des autres mâles que vous rencontrerez. Elle consiste à imiter la parade nuptiale du Paon qui, pour la réussir, déploie ses plumes qui attirent femelles et prédateurs. Comme l’animal, vous devrez faire face aux attaques des prédateurs, réussir à les repousser et donc séduire la femelle. Elle aura compris que vous êtes un mâle dominant car vous n’avez ni peur du ridicule ni des adversaires. Trigger portait fièrement un chapeau de Cow-Boy rouge, nous partagions quelques bières et quelques filles venaient lui causer. Sans pour autant que ce soit la folie. La première fois qu’il l’a porté il m’a raconté qu’il avait pu open6 un groupe d’hôtesses de l’air qui faisaient un arrêt à Genève. Il avait sortit l’accroche désormais culte «What you need is a good spanking», qui avait selon ses dires fait son effet. Trigger me racontait que le look de Cow-Boy l’avait aidé à devenir proche de ses sujets, un peu comme les cabanes portatives que l’on peut découvrir dans Chasse & Pêche7 pour tirer le canard. Il arrivait donc à tirer des meufs, et cela marchait si bien qu’il n’avait pas prévu assez de capotes pour rendre tout ces numéros de téléphones utiles. Note à moi-même, essayer une fois ce déguisement sous-vide, cela fait 6ans que tu veux et que tu oses pas.

5. LES FEMMES MÛRES Après avoir essayé, sans grand succès, avec les jeunes filles je m’attaque aux femmes d’âge mûr, en soulève quelques unes mais je m’en lasse assez vite.

6. PARIS PRISCILLIA ET MOI Mon deuxième voyage s’annonce beaucoup plus enrichissant, je sais que je vais revoir une amie perdue de vue il y a quelques années sur laquelle j’avais croché, Priscillia. Tout se passe à merveille, nous passons quelques jours enssemble à visiter des expositions, se moquer des passants, perdre nos clés et avoir la gueule de bois le matin. Après une soirée arosée, on fait du quad et on s’embrasse sur une péniche. Priscillia, toute extravertie qu’elle est, invite une amie à elle dans le lit… soirée folle. La belle vie, je crois que je suis amoureux.

LOVE

Merci à Jan, Priscillia, Niels, Chloé, Cédric, Emile, Nadja, Dieu sans qui je n’aurai pas pu.

4 Un poète de la game qui à créé la méthode Mystery, de son propre surnom. Une méthode qui est recommandée par la plus part des artistes du milieu. 5 Le paon en français 6 Ouvrir une discussion en language gage, car oui, quand tu game tu ne traduit pas tout tes mots en français. 7 Émission de télévision diffusée par France 2 tard la nuit sur le sujet de la chasse et de la pêche en nature.


PEACOCKING Excessive displays of upper body flesh, by men, at inappropriate times in an effort to show off a new fake tan, a new roided up body, or a new trendy tattoo (i.e. barbed wire or Chinese power symbol); originated in homosexual communities, but is now commonly practiced by “alleged” heterosexuals at concerts, festivals, and other even more inapproprate settings. It’s 40 degrees, but those New Jersey pricks are still peacocking around in jeans and no shirt. It’s curious why a man would be peacocking at a Pantera concert... there aren’t even any women here.

COCKBLOCKER Cockblocker: 1. (noun) a female friend who accompanies another female friend to planned meetings with a male peer, to ensure that the sista does not get into trouble; 2. (Noun) a male who interferes with another male’s attempt to freak the woman whom the former either wishes to protect as a friend, or is already pursuing himself; 3. (Verb) to cockblock: basically, to interfere, by way of one’s mere presence, with the attempt of one person to freak another 1. Jill “Jane, I really need you to come along tonight as my cockblocker so I don’t do anything I would later regret. Jane “Sure” 2. I made my move toward that hottie Jennifer with the thought of grinding with her. That cockblocker Alex cut in and got it first. 3. Alex cockblocks all the time

WHICH MALE DANCE MOVES ATTRACT WOMEN? British scientists have carried out an unusual experiment: they have carefully analyzed dance moves and determined which of them make men more attractive in the eyes of women. The researchers confirmed that women instantly associate a good dance with good health and therefore a high reproductive potential in a partner. “In animals, the male has to be in good physical quality to carry out these movements. We think the same is happening in humans and certainly the guys that can put these movements together are going to be young and fit and healthy,” said Nick Neave, a psychologist at the University of Northumbria. The scientists also took blood samples from volunteers. The results showed that men who have good dancing skills are in good health while bad dancers are not.

THE STREET Street game is the hardest venue to game, hands down. Girls will be hesitant to talk to you because you’re literally a stranger off the street. Your beginning street close rate will likely not be higher than about 5%, meaning it will take twenty approaches to get a decent number. To get higher than that you not only need tighter game, but also a niche spot like a neighborhood public park or bustling city square. Even a respectable 10–20% close rate from the street is less than half of what I get in most other venues with the same level of game. On the other hand, the number of prospects on the street can be limitless and you’ll be able to see girls who don’t frequent other venues. In cities where only ugly girls frequent bars, you’ll want to tap into street talent to at least be able to meet hotter girls. Street game also needs the least amount of logistical set up in that there are no props involved. You can do the approaches with nothing but the clothes on your back.

WINGMAN WINGMAN—noun: a male friend, generally with some pickup knowledge, who assists one in meeting, attracting, or taking home a woman. A wing can help by keep- ing a woman’s friends occupied while the pickup artist talks to her, or by talk- ing to the woman directly about the pickup artist’s positive traits. Also: wingman. WINGWOMAN-noun: see pivot.

A breast instead of a career THE TWIN SISTERS BIA AND BRACA FERES DECIDED TO STOP THEIR SPORT’S CAREER. THEY PREFER A BREAST AUGMENTATION. The two brasilan twin sisters are really famous in the country of Cariocas. At some point that Bia and Braca (23 years old) decided to stop their sport’s carreer to do plastic surgery. They won’t go to the next London Olympics Games. They want, non only to improve their breat, but also their chances to succes in their reconversion in the television buisiness. Bia and Braca want to be tv presenter.

SEXUAL FRUSTRATION BY NEIL STRAUSS

The only reason you go out, The only objective in mind, A glimpse of a familiar pair Of legs on a busy street or A squeeze from a female who You can only call your friend.

When your own hand becomes your best lover, When your life-giving fertilizer is wasted In a Kleenex and flushed down the toilet You wonder when you are going to stop Thinking about what could have happened That night when you almost got somewhere.

A scoreless night fosters hostility. A scoreless weekend breeds animosity. Through red eyes all the world is seen, Angry at friends and family for no Reason that they can perceive. Only you know why you are so mad.

There is the coy one who smiles And looks like she wants to meet you, But you can’t work up the nerve to talk. So instead she will become one of your nighttime Fantasies, where you could have but didn’t. Your hand will be substituted for hers.

There is the ‘justfriends’ one who you’ve Known for so long, who respects you So much that you can’t do what you want. And she no longer bothers to put on her False personality and flirt because she thinks You like her for who she is when what you Liked about her was her flirtatiousness.

When you neglect work and meaningful activities, When you neglect the ones who really love you, For a shot at a target that you rarely hit. Does everyone get lucky with women but you, Or do females just not want it as bad as you do?

SEINFELD GAME Jerry: I’ll tell you what the big advantage of homosexuality is: If you’r going out with some one your size, right there, you double your wardrobe! Chick: I suppose… J: Ho come on that’s a huge feature. when they approach a new recruit i’m sure that’s one of the big sally point C: Jerry… J: Yes? C: I’ve been doing a lot of thinking… J: hahin C: Well, i don’t think we should see eachother any more… J: Oh, that’s okay! C: What?! J: No it’s fine, no problem… I’ll meet somebody else. C: You will? J: Sure, see things allways even out for me. C: Ha? J: That’s fine, anyway it’s been really nice dating your for a while and… good luck! C: Yeah you too…

YOU WON’T SUCCEED AT THE FIRST APPROACH, TRY AGAIN AND GET BETTER! They succeed because they want sex and are willing to do however many attempts it takes to make it happen. The proof lies with your very existence. Even though you’ve just digested more than 1,000 man-hours of experience, your first few approaches will suck huge balls. It will take a couple dozen approaches before you can get comfortable with elderly openers, rambling, big bait drops, and Galnuc. That doesn’t mean you won’t get lucky on your first approach, but knowledge alone doesn’t guarantee success; consistent and thoughtful action guarantees success. That should come in the form of at least ten approaches per week. This means you have to schedule at least a two-hour block of time every week just for day gaming.

THE GLASS OF MILK AT SPRÜNGLI Someone told me to go to Sprüngli in Zurich and order a glass of milk. It’s the common sign, apparently, to be recognized as a male prostitute. I was looking around, with my 3,60.- glass of milk and a chocolate square on the side, to establish eye contact with a mature lady.


IT DIDN’T WORKED SO WELL… One looked at me for such a long time, but I think it was because of my amazing attitude that I had at this precise moment. Twenty minutes later an asian girl asked me if the other seat was free, I was thinking “yes, that’s even better than a mature lady”, but she didn’t know about the glass of milk and was with her boyfriend. Too bad, next time i’ll try it at night.

WHAT IS THE PERCENTAGE OF GIRLS IN THE WORLD YOU WOULD FUCK? Make sure to include all those poor countries where girls have crooked teeth, bad breath, skin rashes, and constant diarrhea from lack of proper drinking water. I’d estimate that you wouldn’t have sex with 95% of the world’s women. You’re a human being with certain tastes and desires who isn’t satisfied with everything he sees. That works the other way around, too. The faster you get over the fact that a lot of pretty girls simply won’t like you, the faster you’ll move on to the next girl, who may be eager to get stuffed by your snake.

BEING INTIMATE WITH GIRLS THROUGH THE HELP OF TRIGGER Everything started when I decided that, like the other normal guys, I could have intercourse with girls and their friends. It was really hard at the begining, I’m the shy type of guy… So after many reasearches for a coach I found Trigger, my wingman. We both were looking for the same thing, play with some booties and have a big story to tell our grandsons in the future. We started to hang out in Lausanne, with every time the same path leading us to the bars and beautiful swiss girls. Trigger is from Geneva so he don’t know a lot of people here, but I almost spent all my first quarter of life in Lausanne. So we had to find some bars with nice chicks and no already known encounter. Our way to heaven was like that: The Great Escape, then the Girrafe, followed quickly by the XIIIe siècle and finally the Lido… and even more a girl’s place… well it didn’t work so well in the begining. After a couple of nights we (he was already, but I) were ready for the big jump in the ladies pants.

FUNNY WAITRESS TECHNIQUE Usually when a group of guys is confronted with a new and devastatingly pretty waitress, they stare at her ass when she walks by, then talk about her be- hind her back. But when she comes to their table, they become downright courteous and nice and act like they are not interested in her. Instead, I go cocky funny immediately. I am going to be very detailed in my description of what I do because I think some guys don’t really understand cocky funny role-playing. When I see her conning toward us, I immediately engage a buddy across the table in seemingly deep conversation. I make sure to face my body away from her. When she comes up and asks us what we would like to drink, I ignore her for a few seconds or so. Then I glance in her direction and pretend I am just now seeing her for the very first time. Immediately, I show great interest in her—as if she were a new discovery. I glance quickly at her body, just long enough for her to notice, then turn myself fully around to face her. A big smile and a wink, and the game begins. HER: What can I get for you? ZAN: [Ignoring the question] Hello, I haven’t seen you around before. What’s your name? HER: My name is Stephanie. What’s yours? ZAN: I’m Zan. And I will have a gin and tonic. (Big smile) So far I’ve broken the ice a bit and, by exchanging names, she has given me the implicit right to be more familiar with her. So the next time she comes around, I smile and wink again. ZAN: You again? Wow, you sure like to hang around us, don’t you? HER: [Laughs] (some stuff) ZAN: (Some other stuff) HER: (Some other stuff) ZAN: (As she is leaving) I bet you’ll come back again real soon. I can see it in your eyes. HER: (Smiling) Yeah, I can’t resist. Now I have established a cocky funny theme—her wanting to hang around us and that is why she keeps coming back to our table. Of course, she has to come back to our table: She’s the waitress. And when she does, I smile at her and give the other guys a knowing look in front of her as if to say, “See, I was right.” All along, I strive to make the interaction come off like I have known her for a long time. This establishes a level of familiarity that usually takes several meetings to build. So now, after a while, I will say something like: ZAN: (Smile, wink) You know what? You’re kinda cute. I think I’m going to call you. HER: You think so, huh? You don’t have my number. ZAN: Why, you’re right! Okay, tell me and I will write it down. HER: [Smiling) Not a good idea. I have a boyfriend. ZAN: (Pretending to write) Whoa, slow down. I didn’t quite catch your number there. You better repeat it for me. Let’s see . . . 555 . . . HER: (Laughs and rolls her eyes) The absurdity of this exchange is that there is no way she is going to give me her phone number in front of a bunch of my friends. No girl would. But her dig- its are not the goal just yet. Now she and I have a rapport, in a manner of speaking. And I’ve made myself memorable enough that the next night we go there, she’ll recognize me. This way, I can walk up, put my arm around her, and continue with my usual “You would make a good girlfriend for me” talk. And since everything is said in a half-joking manner, she doesn’t know if I’m really hitting on her or if I’m just fooling around. So when I return:

HER: (Laughing) Oh no! Not you again! ZAN: Stephanie, my sweet! Hey, listen, sorry I didn’t return your call last night. You know how it is. I’m just a busy guy. HER: (Playing along) Yeah, I’m really mad about that. This gets the whole table laughing, including her. And it’s back on again for the evening. Later: ZAN: You know what, Stephanie. You’re a terrible girlfriend. In fact, I can’t even remember the last time we had sex. That’s it. We’re through. ZAN: (Pointing to another waitress) She’s going to be my new girlfriend. HER: (Laughing) ZAN: [Playing with my phone) You are now downgraded from Booty Call # 1 to Booty Call # 10. HER: (Laughing) No, please, I’ll do anything to make it up to you. ZAN: [Motioning for her to come over and pointing at my knee) Stephanie, come and sit down. I’ll tell you a bedtime story. [Smile, wink] I have used that last line for years. It is gold. Some of you guys are probably thinking, “Okay, now what? How do you transition from funny ball-busting to more serious, romantic, sexual talk?” It’s simple, actually. At some point, I just talk to her quietly alone. Remember to turn on the bedroom eyes. ZAN: [No longer cocky funny] Stephanie, do you want me to call you? HER: You know I have a boyfriend. ZAN: That’s not what I asked. Do you want me to call you? HER: Tempting, but I can’t. ZAN: Sneak away with me, girl. I’ll take you higher up the slopes of Par- nassus than you have ever been. Etc. Everything you just read actually happened last Thursday and Friday evening with me and a waitress named Stephanie. She was easily the hottest thing around in a long time. The jury is still out on this one, but she has no illusions about my intentions. My friends she views as nice guys, but not me. She knows that any interaction with me is going to be passionate from the start. And now she can choose to accept it or reject it. The truth is, she may very well reject my overtures. But it doesn’t matter. She won’t soon forget me. And you can bet that the other waitresses know all about the things I said to her. And that is very good, especially since I have said almost the exact same things in the exact same way to all the other wait- resses there. And I will continue to do so— right in front of Stephanie. The net effect is social proof. When you go in, you own the place. You wave the waitresses over, point to your cheek, and say, “Hey, girl, where’s my sugar?” No one is intimidated because you treat them all the same way. In this particular restaurant, there are four waitresses who have come home with me, three less attractive waitresses who want to come home with me, and several more who are works-in-progress (including Stephanie). And you can bet they all know about each other. But, again, that is very good.

The Cowboy style As shown later in my story, he was using the technique of Mystery (a poet of the game that wrote many books about picking up girls), the famous Peacocking. His incredible cowboy look helped him, well us, to get closer to the subject. Many numbers were dropping on my pocket and we didn’t had enough condoms to make all of the usefull.

THE FIRST PROBLEM FOR ALL OF US, MEN AND WOMEN, IS NOT TO LEARN, BUT TO UNLEARN. — GLORIA STEINEM


»The Girlfriend Experience«  

Romain Mader

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