OpinionPickin n' Grinnin
A lunny thing happened on my way to Zebulon By DOUG CLARK Press Managing Editor
IT WAS WOODY Allen who summed up my feelings on extraterrestrial visitations when he said: ''Is there anyone out there - and why must they be so noisy?" It's not that I don't recognize the possibility of life on other planets, but, somehow, the idea of Earth being some sJrt of convention center for cosmic Shriners seems rather ludicrous. Why would they come here? Why so many different shapes and sizes of unidentified flying objects sighted? Why no reputable photographic evidence or scientific documentation? Why? Why? Why? The subject of alien intelligence, like the Bermuda Triangle and Sasquatch, makes for good conjecture and debate. But beware the true believer - those hardcore fanatics who profess "inside" information about alleged spacemen and their motives. ¡ The 'lunatic fringe' of UFO research was well represented recently during a North Idaho College Popcorn Forum. This close encounter with fanatacism was highlighted by a low budget movie called "Overlords of the UFO" and a brief lecture by the film's producer, W. Gordon Allen. After the lecture I got to grill Allen on a televised panel discussion to be aired Oct. 28, 7:30 p.m. on KSPS TV, channel 7. Angry from having two hours of my time wasted by clap-trap and hoku~, I went at Allen like a starved Doberman. His cheap, sensational treatment of a usually entertaining and interesting subject made my blood boil.
ALLEN'S FILM INCLUDED such noteworthy sources as the National Enquirer and National Star - sensational tabloid rags by any sensible standards. '
The film purported itself as a "news documentary," but ended, after two hours of shoddy, mindless drivel with the announcer stating straight-faced that what we had been watching included the "best speculation" available. Pure garbage, if you ask me. But to Allen, the revelation that aliens are swarming to Terra Firma - not from some outer fringe of the cosmos, but from a different dimension - is undisputed truth. It seems these way-out visitors have nothing better to do than zap people into their saucers for a few days of scrutiny and then zap them back to not always the original location. What boring lives they must lead. Likewise comes the shocker that all those alleged cattle mutilations we hear so much about are caused by "invisible space critters" - a fact confirmed, says Allen and his film, by the University of Wyoming student newspaper. One's skepticism pales in the aura of such pristeen documentation. Another contention of Allen's is that Mormon prophet Joseph Smith did not see an angel, but an alien, and that the entire state of Utah seems to be some sort of a landing base for UFO's. I wonder what the L.D.S. Church hierarchy thinks of such information? I HA VE ALWAYS been amazed at the amount of utter nonsense so many people are willing to believe. The insanity doesn't even need disguising in order to attract a good bunch of wide-eyed zealous loonies. ' I remember once covering a faith healer who was an obvious sham. His trickery wasn't even the slightest bit convincing. Yet, the people came and came - and paid and paid - for this vile form of tomfoolery. So it goes with UFO's, poltergeists and any other sort of nether phenomenon filling the majority of space on the paperback book racks in supermarkets. A favorite tactic by Allen and other delvers into the strange and supernatural is to charge their antagonists with "conspiracy." Allen's movie claims the United States government and its scientists are involved in a "Watergate type of cover-up" concerning UFO's and that the military is unequipped and ill prepared to handle the situation. What exactly the situation is is rather confusing. ' Whether these aliens are good humored or nasty remains to be seen. One thing W. Gordon Allen is sure of is that they are real and mere bullets or conventional warfare will be as effective against them as hurling niblets at the Jolly Green Giant. Even so, before the attack comes, there are bucks to be made and Allen, looking more like Truman Capote than P.T. Barnum, is busily cashing in. As for me, I'll remain a critic until I see one for myself. Till then, as far as I'm concerned, Mr. Allen is full of "shazbott" (sorry Mork).