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dale bridges

g o to TA B L E O F CO N T E N T S

WELCOME TO OMNI-MART Barry wants me to terminate the babies in the morning before the customers arrive, and he’s the District Manager, so that’s what I do. I wake up at 5 AM and I go to the Family Education Department and I remove all the InstaBabies from the shelves. I open each package from the top, as per the instructions on the back of the box, and I pull the cords marked “Bring Me to Life.” In less than five minutes, there are two dozen fat, multi-racial babies crying on the floor in front of me. They are very loud and I am afraid someone will report the disturbance to the national office and I will receive a negative comment on my bi-quarterly performance evaluation. I run around in a panic, making silly faces and cooing noises to distract them, but it doesn’t do any good. Finally, I give up. Inside every box there is a small, silver key and on the back of every baby’s head there is a keyhole. To terminate an InstaBaby, all you have to do is put the key in the hole and turn it to the right. The product immediately disintegrates into a fine, white powder that can be swept up and thrown away. It’s a simple procedure. The InstaBaby was created by the Nuclear Family Corporation, which specializes in merchandise that “encourages good, old-fashioned American values.” The target market for the InstaBaby is white mothers in their early forties who have a pathological fear that their teenage daughters will become impregnated out of wedlock by black men. This is a surprisingly large market. InstaBabies are designed to show these teenage daughters how difficult it is for a single mother to raise a multi-racial child in our society. After their Bring-Me-to-Life cords have been pulled, InstaBabies grow from infants to adults in the span of a single day. They bond with their caregivers and will not leave their side during that period. The teenage girl is forced to look after the InstaBaby during this time, and the experience is supposed to teach her valuable lessons about sexual promiscuity and social norms.

Profile for mojo

mojo, Issue 01  

The debut issue of the online literary journal produced by the students in Wichita State University's MFA Creative Writing Program. Issue 01...

mojo, Issue 01  

The debut issue of the online literary journal produced by the students in Wichita State University's MFA Creative Writing Program. Issue 01...

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