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2012 collection FLAT PACK MEN FOR EVERY OCCASION


CONTENTS Arrogant adam Bicycle ben Casual callum democratic deacon Educated elliot Freaky francis Geeky gary Horsey henry Inbred Issac Jinga Joe Krusty kieran Lazy liam Mikill methadome

Naughty Neil Orange oscar Porky paul quiet quentin Raging rwoe Shady shaun Tommy tootsipop U r turn Voodoo Vincent Woeful william Xeric xavier Youthful yvon Zealous Zoltan


TERMS AND CONDITIONS All products are under warantee but sadly none returnable. If products are dissatisfying that’s just tough, I had to put up with the really life creations for much longer than anyone has to put up with the paper versions. Warantees vary depending upon model see base of purchase for details and full product information. Some assembly required, follow all safety instructions exactly to ensure best results from an IQUEATM product or accompnaying acccessories. PUT IN MOUTH AT OWN RISK. Rinse thoroughly after each use to reduce contamination. Allow upto three days to reload after an emition on the lower slower models failing that increase speed through the male dial featured below the belt buckle on each product. this can malfunction signs include stiff bedsheets and pillow cases which can crack in half. If a model is spontaneously making emission in random awkward places ensure emergency shower cap is firmly on and tackle head on in order to reduce damage to soft furnishings and recently aquired hair style. For more information see base of product.


alternative adam

A Appearance: Conversation: Sexual technique:

WARNING: DO NOT EXPOSE TO DIRECT SUNLIGHT! For best results sacrifice one live goat to the glory of satan twice a month for the duration of the relationship. Only one colour is available in varying shades. This is not a mainstream toy and can cause an unhealthy desire to listen to screaming as opposed to music. Hand wash once a month, throughly. If energy is low refuel with an infusion of bat blood or best results. Allow copious amounts of time between usage due to this pieces tendency to be a moody bastard. During foreplay no not initiate biting, scratching or any other forms of psychical violence as this can lead to bruising or mutilation for which the IQUEAtm company can not be held responsible for.

oddity not nessecity


P A R W UR YO L! O O T CAUTION: SMALL PARTS CHOKING HAZARD! Be careful with the male attachment, ensure it is both dry and well packaged to avoid illness and infection. Comes with a variety of speeds ranging from ‘Rampant Whore’ to ‘Jack Rabbit’ the slow comfortable sex setting does not come with this model. If product appears to have vanished do not worry as it is will turn up three to four weeks later smelling of a different boys aftershave. Do not put in mouth, ever. Clothing with this model is optional with this model but it does wear odd socks during sex, a slight manufacturing defect. Also the socks are odd.

‘SKINNY SLUT’

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CASUAL CALLUM WARNING: WHATEVER! YOU WOULDN’T UNDERSTAND Comes in as many colours as this seasons Topman dictates, in relation to hooded jackets. Indie glasses included unfortunately they are decoration and are not prescribed by any form of doctor. The sounds are never loud and mute is excellent and the default setting with this model. Batteries are included but snooze mode is generally active. The product reviews for this model are a casual nod of approval but nothing overly spectacular beyond this seasons fashion icons. Avoid contact with polyester and clashing colours. If defaults occur please return to the Topman clone centre

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PERSONALITY NOT INCLUDED

C

C

C C

C

‘QUITE THE DRIP’


D

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WARNING: DO NOT OPEN AS SELF CENTERED RIGHTEOUSNESS WILL OOZE OUT ONTO YOUR SHOES AND BEDDING! Do not cross wires as this can lead to very politically correct form of intercourse and then you will have to vote for him due to erectile emissions. Conversationally you will never have to work to hard. With this model simply input one word and watch them multiply and have no relevance to the initial word deposited into the subject. Fashion sense is adjustable to either higher or lower settings depending upon atmosphere and social intimacy. Deodorant or air fresheners are advised to cover up the smell of putrid politics and warm garbage trash talk. Ego needs to be charged hourly and is overly high maintenance.

Blah Blah! Self Absorbent


WARNING: INSTANT PARTY ANIMAL JUST ADD WINE, BEER OR HIGH PERCENTAGE FLOOR CLEANER, MAYBE! Do not light a naked flame near this model due to high flamboyance and flammable issues. Included with this model are a variety of cleaning products for various factors that happen when this product is inebriated. This product comes fully assembled as it is so smart, unfortunately on a Friday nights this model will fall apart due to vodka martinis. However will be reassembly will occur by Monday. If sober replenish heftily with booze in order to return to manufacture settings. Do not dress as a rabbit, or any other woodland creature it looks really freaking stupid.

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'EDUCATEd' ELLIOT

p chea an d easy

'THIS WEEKS ON TREND purchase!'

'I HEART SHOES'


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FC =mc

2

H BO 2

FREAKY FRANCIS

3

[HIGH BODY ODOUR]

BACNE X BODY ODOUR

ORGASM

“COMES FULLY SEXUALLY CHARGED’

U

2K

CLEARSIL + CONTACT LENSES

IMPROVEMENT

FRE E TECH SUPP ORT


G CAUTION: DO NOT TOUCH, REALLY HOTT! Appearance: Conversation: Sexual technique:

Made in China be very careful upon assembly as results can lead to an electric shock. For best results insert two large batteries into the rear canister. Once inserted into back pocket the ‘excitement’ begins. Geeky Garytm is the ultimate nerd accessory he comes at three speeds, MAC, Pinwheel of Death and PC. He will also retain his just out the box freshness for the life of the product due to its frigidity and lack of sexual charge. DO NOT PUT IN MOUTH DUE TO STATIC ELECTRICITY! Do not leave near flammable substances or anything capable of catching fire, due to hair colour.

BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED

GARY - GEEKY GARY - GEEKY GARY -


CAUTION: DO NOT APPROACH FROM BEHIND DUE TO SPOOKING & REAR KICKING Hand reared in green pastures and hand fed a variety of processed chemically enhanced food for a glossy yet receding coat. Feed by hand with an open palm to avoid loss of digits, same rules apply for oral as certain parts of the anatomy may be construed as carrots or other root vegetables. For best results pet lovingly on the nose and groom regularly if model is acting oddly or aggressive, use the included shotgun and take out back and shoot in the head and call supplier for an upgrade.

H HORSEY

HENRY

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FREE TEST RIDE!


OH ARRR DO NOT PLACE NEAR ANYTHING WITH A PULSE OR ANYTHING ELSE UNLESS IT IS MACHINE WASHABLE Do not leave unattended outside as model will scare livestock and possibly try and hump the living daylights out of anything with a pulse that will sit still for long enough. Totally free range but also slightly inbred, excellent in water due to slightly webbed limbs. Do not leave next to a fruit bowl bananas will be swallowed whole and holes will be found in melons if nothing with a pulse has not been in contact for while. Returns are not available on this model as we refuse to take any of this product back...

I I

I I

I

I

I

I I

I I I

I I

I

I

I

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Inbred issac


J

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DANGER: BOILING RED HOT WATER

Jinga Joe ‘Red is the new Black’

Do not leave in the vicinity of boiling water, cheap cigarettes or GHDs. Allow three weeks between seeing this purchase as the mentality rate of this model is slower than the average IQUEAtm model. Do not swallow, due to an unhealthy diet and too many cigarettes emissions made by this will be borderline toxic and in no way edible. Do not play with unless you have aversions to the colour green and have a low tolerance to alcohol. Do not handle when hotheaded as burns are probable. Red is the only color this model is available but a blond streak is an addition allowed with a small cost added upon construction and assembly.


YAWN!

EMO

K KID

! D I O V D E B I R C S E ED B O T ’ L O O TO ‘C

Y L T N E R A P AP

! Y O ENJ

HERE ARE

TEAD

S

INS S C I R Y L D OME SA

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KRUSTY KIERAN


WARNING: HIGHLY SKILLED AT JUDO AND EATING

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Consumption for mileage is generally disappointing and natural hygiene is low due to a waxy yellow tainted exterior. Do not squeeze as no juice will be released. If squeezed embrace the gas mask and can of air freshener included in packaging. DO NOT PUT IN MOUTH, if ingested this can lead to both gagging and vomiting due to discharge and malfunctioning inability to remain clean. Fruit only by sex the manliest product ever launched by IQUEATM.


WARNING: DO NOT FEED COCAINE DOUBLE WARNING: DON’T NOT FEED COCAINE

If product is neither coked up or in factory setting of deliriously happy then alter program with either hardcore substance abuse for the less perky mood sedated yet remain cautious for random acts of violence and cry. For the happier more energetic mood employ a healthy regime of exercise and extreme amounts of food! DO NOT FEED AFTER MIDNIGHT FOR FEAR OF GLOBAL APOCALYPSE. With The drug induced setting sprinkle or pour various illegal substances over objects or surfaces and the vacuuming function will ensure that they are clean to a high standard. DO NOT OVER CLEAN. This can lead to product failure or serious bouts of vomiting upon upholstery. In good mood mode this IQUEATM produc will be the perfect decorative motif while still reciting the phrases that make a person worth loving, ideal for social events and crack dens.

Mikill methadone

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'Perfectly addictive'


N 'LUSH'

NO WARNINGS NEEDED YOU’LL LOVE IT

Naughty NeilTM is the ideal product as he comes in four different shades of man and a variety of settings to suit a mood or wardrobe choice. This product also doubles up as a super hero friendly neighbourhood Bedman. Known as he sells beds at reasonable prices and outstanding quality and has an amazing backside. He is also an amazing drunk hysterical puns will reflect current conversation, a must for a lifetime warranty insured product. This product also comes with an amazing new feature called sex appeal a new feature on recently released products. Immaculately presented and well groomed and a pleasure to witness. the only problem with this model his male attachment does not work properly.

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NAUGHTY NEIL


Orange

Oscar

O Appearance: Conversation: Sexual technique:

DANGER: EYE PROTECTION NEEDED DUE TO GLARE

Do not place near white fabric due to orange streaky tan transfer. If looking peaky or unhappy add an infusion of fake tan or place under a high watt bulb and allow thirty minutes to bake to orange bronzed perfection. Avoid fingers, toes and body creases due to darker patches of skin in that vicinity. Do not lick due to toxins, if toxins are ingested seek medical advice and report all symptoms to your general practitioner

‘So gay it hurts’


AVALIABLE IN XXL!

Prior to purchase ensure all food storage units including fridge, cupboards and freezers are installed with bolts and chains to avoid grocery related disappearances. Do not under feed as this product will get violent and possibly try to devour you if not careful, when properly fed at regular ten minute intervals he can be quite loving bar the squeal feature which was spotted too late and deemed a huge mistake. Two of the main things to be careful with this model include: rolling in sleep, be alert while in bed and use the panic button necklace included if and ‘avi-lard’ occurs. Secondly small objects may appear to be missing around your home, this could have be related to this products gravitational pull feature which will worse as the model expands, if objects are not found within orbit check under the breasts and rolls. If objects are not recovered in two weeks they have been ingest and a stool recovery is recommend and extra thick latex gloves are provided. DO NOT OVER INFLATE! Guarantee lasts up to ten weeks but life expectancy is short due to unhealthy lifestyle.

Porky

Paul Appearance: Conversation: Sexual technique:

P

WARNING: FAILURE TO PRODUCE FOOD CAN LEAD TO LOSS OF LIMB!


Q

QUIET QUENTIN

E E R F ! T HA

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NOTE: BRITISH REFUELING IS NOT OPTIONAL

If product is unresponsive to verbal commands simply talk slower, smile and point for best result. This is the most expensive piece in the IQUEATM range due to foreign parts, shipping and beret cost inflation. The only language available is french sadly but with some one tres sexy the language of love is all that is required, and who really cares about words when the male attachment valve is sizable. Do not over indulge in croissants because you will get fat and he will leave you. If product seems sluggish deposit three snails directly under the lower arch. Do not insult France or belittle France or its people in front of this model as that will cause an irreversible malfunction of shouting and swearing in rapid french.

‘French,Quiet & Blue’


RWoe

NOT CHEAP

Raging

ON SALE!

R

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DANGER: DO NOT INFUSE WITH GIN

This model is the crown jewel in the IQUEATM collection as it is only has one day when it cannot function correctly (St Patrick’s Day) simply add several potatoes to the hard drive when lagging, also regular trips for shopping and tapas are required for best performance. Hair plugs will be required as an essential accessory in future years. Waxing maintenance is required regularly to fit your desired specification. If problems occur try singing it through or communicating through interpretive dance. DO NOT ALLOW IN YOUR HOME WHEN INTOXICATED. Showers are regularly needed due to high performance rate.

‘Drama DRAMA Drama’


S

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WARNING: EVERY HOLE IS NOT A GOAL! Piercings come at no extra cost and the skin holes reduce this model to a fifty percent mark down. This product is in no way endorsed by superior technology and was originally programed by AOL. If asking to do something talk in slow short sentences. DO NOT OVER LOAD WITH INFORMATION. Tattoos and herpes will multiply with time unless nipped in the bud. Penile emissions are frequent and not always well aimed, see attached sachet of industrial strength shampoo and conditioner. Do not allow regurgitation as vegan vomit does not wash out of suede.

SHADY SHAUN PEIRCINGS INCLUDED


DANGER: MAKE-UP STAINS FABRIC High maintenance is an understatement with this IQUEATM model Hair dye is required twice weekly due to fading and make up takes at least two hours daily not including time to remove and exfoliate. DO NOT TAKE ANY SHIT FROM THIS PRODUCT. Punching is allowed as it is still a boytoy but in a more flamboyant outfit. Never engage in full scale sexual advanced while this product is in a female person, this can cause life alterating choices and low viscosity in the male region. Never help tuck the man valve as it was not your choice to be a drag queen, just yours to date one. Never let win a fight verbal or physical as this could lead to a power shift of terrifying proportions. When done with simple apply wet wipe to models facial region, shave head apply the accompanying track suit and release into society.

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TEXAS Chainsaw Chainsaw

mascara mascara Tommy Tootsipop


U UNIQUE

What makes you datable/ dumpable? Appearance: Conversation: Sexual technique:


CAUTION: DECEPTIVE PACKAGING Do not allow inside any department store due to inability to make a committed fashion decision. Waxing is not optional due to bad reactions to wax and razors will clog with excessive fur. If in contact with females this model will both pout and act with a factory setting of jealous. Voodoo is feature setting but keep away from live stock due to sacrificing and blood stains. If the Beelzebub appears in your home please call our helpline to resolve the issue as soon as possible.

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Voodoo Vincent

DECEPTIVE PACKAGING


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“No Man, No Crying�

W WARNING: WATER DAMAGE PROBABLE

If overwhelmed or underwhelmed please use the provided inflatable due to irrational leaking, also ensure that the product is not near porous surfaces due to the likely possibility of swelling and water damage. If possible when not sprinkling, dry up small puddles by turning product upside down and allow heat emitting hair follicles. Product comes with the ability to fix household objects which is an unusual feature in the IQUEATM range of models and accessories.

% 0 10 PROOF ER T A W

Woeful William


X

THIS WAY UP

CAUTION: DO NOT SWEAR IN FRONT OF

Do not sexual activate unless eighteen year guarantee is over and all activities are legalised. Do not introduce and element of alcohol as this can cause horrendous unnatural results and lead to messy results due to an inexperience reaction. Friendship/Commitment bracelets included as standard. This model comes with free crayons for hours of playtime amusement and all sides are easily wiped clean with a damp cloth due to more leisurely activities and childish entities.

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XERIC XAVIER...


'FLAMABLE'

'youthful'

Yvon Appearance: Conversation: Sexual technique:

WARNING: DO NOT VIEW BEFORE FIRST LAYER OF MAKE UP HAS BEEN APPLIED Feed one small crumb hourly and allow a sugar fix of one jelly bean twice weekly or else fainting and dietary failings will affect function and battery life. If underfed bones will become expressly more visible hook up to included IV drip or results could rupture models lifespan and guarantee. Allow several hours to become presentable, if eyebrows become over plucked simply draw on with the included marker pen. Be cautious during activities sexual or otherwise due to brittle bones and limited flexibility. If rowing occurs upper cut with a wet wipe and allow time do detox before resuming argument as cosmetics can seep into the brain.

HIGHLIGHTS OPTIONAL


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WARNING: PROPER COMMITMENTS ARE ESSENTIAL TO THIS PRODUCT

This is not just a product this is an IQUEATM male model. Flown in from Southern American with deep rooted culture dating from the Aztecs topped up with and expensive twist of modern culture and lavish refinement. Do not place anywhere near a Primark or low quality cheap fabric. For best result and full Iconic charge rub with oil twice daily and worship through modern technology and physical contact hourly. If sparkle seems dim insert several compliments and check label for further information.

god like zealous zoltan



IQUEAtm