Spring has sprung and it’s all about new beginings: what’s on and popping, and spring cleaning ya’ll! So this month our famed Mob astrologer drops what you need to get into that you haven’t yet, and what to kick to the curb. Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 Berfday Present For You Aries! The New Year’s Resolution You Made To Be More Responsible & Less Of A Party Animal Got You Where You Needed To Be: Full Of Energy With Pockets Full Of Cash. Now The Universe Says Its Time To Rage Again!!! Who Are You To Argue?
Libra Sept 23 - oct 22 Bringing The Sexy Has Never Been Difficult For You, But This Month You Meet Your Match & It’s Time To Flip The Script. If You Take A Sec To Stop Telling The Mirror How Hot It Is You Just Might Mess Around & Find Your Bonnie Or Clyde…
Taurus Apr 20 - May 20 Don’t Look Now, But Love Is Knockin’ On Ya Door This Month! You Betta Say “C’mon In!” It’s A Nice Surprise Cuz’ You’ve Kinda Stalled In This Area Lately, But Don’t Be Skerred, It’s The Real Deal This Time Around. Holla!!
Scorpio Oct 23 - Nov 21 You’ve Been Playin’ It Way Too Safe! Re-Discover Your Dangerous Side, You’re Not Named After A Deadly Bug For Nuthin’! Go Out With Someone Your Scared Of Or Go To Vegas & Bet Your Paycheck, Either Way The Stars Say You’ll Make Out Great.
Gemini May 21 - June 20 Almost Wanna Quote A Van Hagar Song, ‘cuz This Month Is What Dreams Are Made Of!! You’ve Been Putting Everybody Else First, & It’s Made For Some Good Ass Karma! Get Up, Get Out & Get Some!
Sagittarius Nov 22 - Dec 21 You’ve Been Going Back & Forth About A Life-Changing Decision, And Surprisingly, The Answer Lies In Your Belly. So Follow That Hunger For A Good Taco, Stop Eating So Much Chili, & Ultimate Bliss Will Follow.
Cancer June 21 - July 22 Confidence In The Workplace Hasn’t Been Your Strong Suit But It Hasn’t Been Your Fault. The Stars Have Been Testing You & You Passed! Now Handle Your Biz Like You Know You Can & Everything Will Be Gravy!
Capricorn Dec 22 - Jan 19 You’re About To Win A Medal For The Time & Energy You’ve Lavished On Family And Other Loved Ones, And Now It’s Time For A Sexy Getaway If You’re Hooked Up, Or A Getaway In Search Of Sex If You’re Not.
Leo July 23 - Aug 22 Hope Your Favorite Color Is Green, ‘cause The Presidents Are Calling Your Name This Month! Just Ditch The Bad Habits You Let An Ex-Whatever Influence You With, & Get Your Giggle On All The Way To The Bank!
Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Ignoring Your Inner Rockstar Is Not The Hookup! Embrace The Pimpness That Is Your Birthright And The Rest Of The World Will Follow! You’ve Earned The Props, Now Go & Brush Your Shoulders Off Already!
Virgo Aug 23 - Sept 22 This Month When You’re Jonesin’ For A Shopping Spree, Use It To Spoil Someone You Dig. Not Only Will It Get You Some, People Will Stop Thinking Of You As A Shallow Jerk Like They Did Last Month.
Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 You’ve Been On A Journey These Last Few, & The View’s Been Fine, But You’ve Been Ignoring An Itch That Desperately Needs To Be Scratched. The Stars Say Soothe It With Some Outdoor Recreation Or Sports & You’ll Attract Someone For Some Indoor.
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