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Mobscene 3586 London Bridge Rd. Lake Havasu City, AZ. 86405 (928) 453-0954 Publisher Tyler Byrne Executive Editor Nicole Rodarte Co-Editor /Writer John Kissinger Chief Financial Officer Rebecca Rodarte Distribution Coordinator Walter Byrne Graphics / Layout EyeSore Graphics Hair & Make-up Patty’s Wild Hair


deep Thoughts


tennis court concert





Legal Disclaimer The content in this magazine is for the entertainment purposes only. Advertisers are responsible for their ads placed in this magazine. Mobscene Magazine is not responsible for any actions taken by their readers. We may occasionally use images/content placed in public domain. Sometimes, it is not possible to identify and or contact the copyright holder. If you claim ownership of something we have published, we will gladly make proper acknowledgement. Mobscene Magazine may not share opinions and or views stated by the writers and or photographers. Some of the content published may be of a mature nature; we do not, in anyway, condone under age drinking or any other illegal activity.


headbangers unite!



the golden collar generation!




the wise drunk


cd reviews






Bizness spotlight!


Soul Esistence unleashed!



havasu hottie


Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

Your Momma may love you, but everyone else thinks you’re a twat.

Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?

Live every day as if it were your last. Eventually you’ll be right.

Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice?”

How come when you open a can of evaporated milk it’s still there?

What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

Why do you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

If the police arrest a mime, does he still have the right to remain silent? Do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections? Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets? If a pit bull humps your leg should you fake an orgasm.

Why does your gynecologist leave the room when you get undressed? Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, ‘My name is Bob, and I am an alcoholic? Why does mineral water that ‘has trickled through mountains for centuries’ have a ‘use by’ date?

Think that tennis courts are just for those preppy kids like Bruce and Buffy to play a sophisticated game of backyard batmitten. Well the guys at Havasu Weekly had other ideas. This July 4th weekend they brought Havasu something seldom seen in this town... a concert. Headlining the event was Alien Ant Farm playing an intensive 14 song play list including their most recognizable song “Smooth Criminal”. The song first making the charts by the original smooth criminal “Micheal Jackson”. The now local band Voodoo Glow Skulls as always managed to stir up the crowd into a ska-like frenzy. With a horn section visably putting their all

behind the music. After things were said and done they still managed to put on an after-hours show at their self proclaimed “rock-n-roll dive bar” the Underground. The opening bands “Asphalt” & “Soul Clown” beared the heat rocked out the opening half of the concert with that drive found only in those bands destined for own time in the lime-light. Our thanks go out to all the bands and especially to Havasu Weekly. Keep on doin’ what your doin’... Havasu needs it!

I’m Amber Hoffman, Romance Specialist for Party Gals. My focus in life is to get that sugar and spice back into relationships. Sex is 64% of a relationship and if that 64% is not satisfied or happy, then that relationship is history. My advice… Turn up the heat. Spice it up so you can melt that sugar!! Working at a relationship requires commitment, focus and is probably one of the hardest things

in life. Look at it this way, someone who has been at their job for 25+ years, has been committed and focused on the retirement. If you can succeed in that, “then you can definitely retire with the one you married, when you started that job”. Keeping each other happy is the secret to any relationship. My secret is to keep you happy in the bedroom!! Having an orgasm is one of the healthiest things you can do for your body. It releases hormones, stress, tension, helps women with theirs menstrual cycles, and can even help a man reduce the risk of getting prostrate cancer by 10 years!!

Our romance parties are filled with all sorts of lotions, potions and things that buzz in the night. The nice thing is, you get to taste, see and fell most of the products before you buy anything. This is definitely one party that everyone will remember for years to come. The best part is… Every party is hosted by me, a romance specialist! I know every about each item, how it works and if it would be the one you need or looking for. We have products for everyone ages 18 to 118.

If you think toys are just for kids, then you have not been to a party like this before! To book a party or become a distributor call (928) 208-2104.

Its been some twenty years since the original MTV generation rocked their over-processed, teased-out hairdos to those early metal bands of the 80’s. That is not to say those rockers don’t exist... They just have been hiding out in Parker as part of the protest movement against the RapCrap and Hippy-Hop stuff that has overrun the once Metal MTV! Back in June the Bluewater Casino answered those prayers and brought the River it’s much needed dose of tight leather & hair. Although they were not the hard hitting acts that the great Ricky Rackman would have featured on Head Bangers Ball, they were just as enjoyable. Forget the fact that these guys are just lucky to still have their hair despite all they must have put those follicles through... These guys brought back those days when life was simpler. When the only concerns you had was how to make those holes in your Levi’s look real and how that someday you would be a Rockstar and marry the hottest chick on earth... Yeah that’s right, Bobbi Brown from the “Cherry Pie” video.

For those of you who haven’t heard the latest lame, blanket statement term used to describe our slackity-assslacker generation,”Golden Collar” is the newest, and as far as I’m concerned, the truest. It comes from today’s 19-30 yearolds who are bringin’ in a “Blue Collar” paycheck, but still wanna live lavi’. Ghetto fabulous is what we call it, but that bighaired, forty-something news reporter would choke on that, so “Golden Collar” is what they’re using to describe our minimum wage earning asses splurging on that $10 martini or $500 Louis handbag. Whether our desire to live phat on skinny salaries stems from disillusionment in our economy or growing up watching Puffy videos, I for one, think I deserve to have just as good a time as my parents did in the ‘80’s, current inflation & rising living costs be damned. Which means simply: work hard, play hard. And playing for me includes eatin’, drinkin’, & makin’ merry. That bein’ said, mama didn’t raise no fool. If I can get sumthin’ for nuthin’, or a lot for a little, trust & believe I’m ‘bout it‘bout it. And I’ve gotten pretty good at it too, bein’ the boughetto girl that I am. So fellow Mobsters, as I continue my quest for an uptown party on a downtown budget, I shall share my expertise & experience with ya’ll, hopin’ you’ll pick up what I’m puttin’ down & have yourselves a Mobbin’ good time. Laughlin, Nevada. In our backyard, totally taken for granted, & sumthin’ for everybody as far as I’m concerned, if you know where to look. So here’s a rundown of my faves, in no particular order, but definitely the spots I shall continue to rock. *COLORADO BELLE HOTEL/CASINO/ MICROBREWERY One of the older hotels on the Laughlin strip, one wouldn’t automatically think of it as blowin’ up, but it’s actually my pick for hot date or pick up spot.

Their microbrewery had the youngest, hottest staff/clientele in town, which is huge, considering a recent quote from a pal, “last time I was in Laughlin, I walked up to a chick & handed her a fifty for not bein’ butt ugly”. The Boiler Room, as it’s called, also sports bomb pizzas, an $11 T-Bone that comes with a free beer, and 75cent microbrews on Thursdays til’ 2am. They also have a kickin’ oyster bar, The Missisippi Lounge, which offers cheap, Nawlin’s style seafood, so if you need a little extra help gettin’ your date in the mood, go for some good ol’ fashioned aphrodisiacs. After gettin’ your grub on, cop a spot at the only $1 Single Deck Blackjack table in town & stay awhile. You’ll drink for free & feel like a high-roller ‘cause for a dollar you can afford to make stupid bets that look cool. *TARZAN’S LOUNGE- GOLDEN NUGGET HOTEL & CASINO Tarzan’s was brought to my attention as one of the area’s only fullservice nightclubs, but during the day it’s actually one of the coolest sports bars I’ve ever been to. Big & flat-screen TV’s everywhere, you can actually bet on the games in the bar, in addition to NTN Trivia & bartenders in cute referee outfits. The food is cheap & exceptional, with 3 kinds of sliders & 6 different kinds of hot dogs! That’s a lot of wiener, & exactly what I’m lookin’ for when I’m watching a game or race sippin’ on a cold beer. Tarzan’s has two of the best bar specials on the planet, Taco Tuesdays & Wild Wing Wednesdays. I know the whole Taco Tuesday thing is as ubiquitous in Havasu as flip-flops, but this one throws rocks at anything here in town. For one buck you get 4 tacos & for a buck more you get a beer! Don’t gotta tell me twice. Wednesdays, a buck gets you a whole dozen wings, again, with a beer for a buck as well. That one made me jump back

& kiss myself. Another good choice for a date or hangin’ with the boys or girls. A couple of other quick spots to peep out: *Show style Karaoke with a stage/curtain & Vega-Style Host at the Kokopelli Lounge inside the Edgewater Casino *Free beer & wine at the Buffet at The Flamingo. Served both Lunch & Dinner, Lunch has a burger bar with made to order burgers. Get a club card & it’s $3.99!! *The brand new, state-ofthe-art Star Wars Penny slots, they’re off the chain with full video clips from the movies & surround sound. At the Edgewater. Right next to the bar that always serves $1 draft beer & margaritas. Sweet. *The sports book at Harrah’s. Total pimpness. Huge screens & overstuffed chairs, but sit at one the booths where you get your own T.V. Make a couple $2 pony bets & you drink for free, the bar has an exceptional tequila selection.

So there it is kiddies, a good time is never a couple twenties & a 40 min. drive away. Two things I recommend for blowin’ up Laughlin: Get a rewards card at every casino you can. Even if you’re not a big gambler, it will get you sick discounts, & you’ll get sent free rooms. Second, if at all possible, spend the night. One of the greatest things ever is paying $15 bucks for a room, & sleepin’ off the hangover at the pool. Your mom & your driving record will thank you.

So the story goes like this. Boy has band, boy influences scene, boy has dream, grows up & decides Havasu is the place to pursue it. And thank Guinesss he did, because now we have the dope spot “The Underground”. Most of us are familiar with the two entities that have resulted in The Underground, Havasu’s own rock n’ roll dive bar. If you’re cool enough, you saw a show at Havasu Underground, which was an all ages live music hall owned by Frank Casillas & Dan Gordon. If you’re not, chances are you popped into Klub Kaos once or twice. Frank C. is a member of influential Ska-core band Voodoo Glow Skulls, and fueled by a desire to bring music to a much needed, deserved youth population in Havasu, met Dan Gordon, the local Yoda of the Ol’ Skool punk scene here in town & opened Havasu Underground. Between Frank’s extensive experience in the music business & Dan’s knowledge of the town & local scene, the duo did a great job of providing a spot not only for fledgling local bands to play, but also a place for local kids to catch some music & have a good time. However, a fickle & sometimes apathetic youth crowd combined with Frank’s longtime dream of owning a cool, rock n’ roll bar where

people could enjoy good music while relaxing with a cold one lead them to the now defunct Klub Kaos, which refreshingly, has now done a 360 and become Havasu’s own rock n’ roll dive bar. Calling it a dive bar is somewhat accurate, given the laid back atmosphere, diversity of clientele & lack of pretension, but in my opinion doesn’t do justice to the vision behind The Underground. Not to slag our town, but one thing that bigger, metro cities tend to have is cool little bars where you can get your drink on while catching what very much might be “The Next Best Thing”. Trust & believe, nothing makes you feel cooler than saying, “Oh, The (insert biggest selling, hottest band here)’s ? Oh yeah, I saw ‘em at a little dive bar in my hometown”. Being a home for touring bands is a huge gift to Havasu, and one that someone like Frank Casillas can actually provide. The Underground has a great beer selection, including such Havasu rarities as Murphy’s Irish Stout,

Moosehead & Shiner Bock, no to mention $1 Pabst Blue Ribbon everyday. ‘Nuff said. They also boast the best jukebox in Havasu, by far, with any/every genre imaginable, & if you happen to pop your head in when there’s not a band playing, you just might walk in on a rousing game of what’s known at The Underground as “Jukebox Wars”. Recently overheard, “Oh man, was that you? Well I’ll see your Reo Speedwagon & raise you a Dio.” Editorial Note: If you’re walking around Havasu with tattoos & piercings, & God forbid a studdedleather armband, do not pass go, do not collect $200, take your a** to The Underground you poser, & support underground music!! ~LOLA

Something tells me I could really dig these guys at some big outdoor festival, cause forgive a sister for waxing nostalgic, but I was flooded with Lollapalooza flashbacks, which is a good thing, cause for those that are old enough to remember, those were the days when bands were still ironic & sarcastic (which seems to be a requirement for a band lately) but they rocked hard & they rocked for real. Back when the term “Alt-Rock” meant just that. When bands like Tool, Alice In Chains, & Soundgarden were wowing us with power rock that ignited our rebelliousness & made us realize we had a conscience but didn’t make us think too hard. What we failed to recognize in those days, was that unlike a lot of commercially successful bands that get internally engineered by record companies, or form after multiple breakups from other groups, the best ones started young together, worked their asses off together, & as a result, sounded like, well, what a band is supposed to sound like. Greater than the sum of it’s parts. Soul Existence, local hard-workin’/ hard-rockin’ Havasu band, is doin’ just that. The first thing I noticed about these five distinctive personalities was just how well they meshed & flowed just hangin’ out. It sounds lame, but anyone that’s tried to get anything done with more than one person (try having 4 girlfriends, & their girlfriends have girlfriends too) knows just how hard that can be. Everyone in this band brings their own flavor, but because of the brotherly love that exists in this band’s soul, (sorry, couldn’t resist) the flavors meld together smoothly & result in a sound they dub “Bipolar Progressive Metal”. The boys cite Tool, A Perfect Circle & Opeth as major band influences, but their own “BPM” brand fits quite well. “Rendering Of A Spherical Implosion” is the title of their debut full-

length CD, & the band treated me to a special advanced listening gathering. (Not to worry girlfriends, we had a chaperone.) Scheduled to drop in early September, the boys are keepin’ it strictly on the kickdown tip, so keep your eyes & ears open, cause’ they will be mobbin’ a Havasu locale near you, & you definitely wanna cop this disc. The first track “Void” starts out really dark & melodic, with strong vocals and a really nice flow. What really blew me away was this really cool breakdown in the middle, where the song totally changed tempo & sounded like 2 songs mixed together effortlessly. Like a DJ mix almost. But in a rock song. Sweet. Jeremy A. on rhythm guitar takes care of a lot of that. “Crossing Over” has a much faster, driving beat, perfect progression for the second song on the disc. Jeremy B’s fierce tempo changes on the drums & some cool vocals are the initial standouts on this track, with Mark doin’ the scream thang, than gettin’ all sorts of Layne Stayley on ya. “Open Greenland” was the last nugget I got, & it was the perfect ending, ‘cause this one rocks hard. Mark B. on lead vocals gets his Metallica moment in this song, but continues to knock me out with the versility in his vocals, & Matt goes all rock star on this one, makin’ his guitar sing & s**t, you go brotha! “Rendering Of A Spherical Implosion” is a pretty ambitious title, but all things considered, it definitely left an impression. I was ready to grab the disc out the player & hole up in my room for a minute, & if you’re even one part music fan, you know that’s the f**k it’s about. Mark’s vocals are all over the map, you can hear every one of his influences, but in the best way, cause they’re always his, and on point, not some cheap imitation. Jeremy A. on rhythm & Luke on bass keep the whole schizophrenic rock party tight, locked & my head bobbin’, which as you already know kids, is always the main idea. Not as a footnote but savin’ sumthin’

good for last, you cannot be mad at a hard rock drummer that loves him some M.C. Hammer. You go Jeremy B. And Luke, do us all a favor & please just keep bein’ Luke. Something tells me the Earth just might stop spinning on it’s axis if you change even a little. As for the disc itself, I was eleventeen shades of impressed to learn the whole thing was recorded, mixed, & produced by the band’s own lead guitarist, Matt Grosse. And got to witness the big group hug that resulted in the band givin’ Matt mad props. Stay close, boys. Soul Existence will be blowin’ up a stage near you at this fall’s biggest shindig, Cornfest, check out info on page

JEREMY “JAM” ARNOLD- RHYTHM GUITAR Influences: Nirvana, American Head Charge, Mudvayne, Pantera, Dillinger Escape Plan First Album: Nevermind-Nirvana LUKE PORTUGAL- BASS Influences: Deftones, Ministry, System of a Down First Album: Anema-Tool MATT GROSSE- LEAD GUITAR Influences: Joe Satriani, Dream Theater, Megadeth First Album: Black-Metallica MARK BURNETT- LEAD VOCALS Influences: Soundgarden, Tool, Alice In Chains, Slipknot First Album: Ten-Pearl Jam JEREMY BARRIGAN – DRUMS Influences: Radiohead, Bob Marley, George Clinton, Nuclear Rabbit, Mars Volta First Album: Please Hammer Don’t Hurt ‘Em- M.C. Hammer

River HotSpots HAVASU

B J’s Tavern 2122 Mc Culloch Blvd N (928) 854-2122

When it comes to seeking out adventure, there is no better companion than alcohol. Think back to the greatest adventures of your life, those scenes so wild you sometimes wonder if you saw them in a movie and merely adopted them as your own. It’s a pretty good bet that alcohol had at least a cameo, if not a leading role. Which makes it a very valuable asset, for there is very little adventure to be had in today’s humdrum world. All the cool stuff has already been done. The highest mountain tops are littered with dozens of flags, the deepest jungles are thick with tourists with camcorders blazing, and at least three different minisubs have probed into inky recesses of Loch Ness. Let’s face it: we are the inheritors of a second-hand planet. Which we have to rely so heavily on alcohol. It’s the original genie in a bottle and it can grant you three very important wishes that will help you seek out adventure, even if your expedition only takes you as far your local bar. Namely: Self confidence Pour a couple drinks down your throat and suddenly you’re a man with possibilities, with a real (if not entirely understood) purpose in life. Most of all, you’re a man willing to take chances, because you believe you can actually pull it off, whether it be winning over the girl at the next table or picking her boyfriend’s pocket. As Admiral Peary pointed out, “You will never reach your goal unless you are already there in your mind.” And we both know there’s nothing better than a skin full of liquor to get us out of our minds. Big ideas Alcohol is an excellent and extremely willing accomplice for any kooky idea you might come up with. And if you don’t have any kooky ideas in the hopper, it’s more than happy to supply a few of its own. Van Gogh noted, “You can never have enough ideas, so long as you’re willing to discard the bad ones.” Is flying to Prague to mastermind a pickpocket ring a bad idea? Maybe. But so is whipping dogs across a sheet of ice and cutting off your ear. But that didn’t stop Peary or Van Gogh, now did it? Identifying your desires Your real desires, not the desires society tries to foist on you. A sober person can wander around a mall all day without figuring out what sort of shirt he should buy, but a drunk knows exactly what he wants. He wants the girl at the next table, he wants a chili dog with all the fixings, and he wants to fly to Prague and mastermind a pickpocket ring. But first he’d like another drink. With alcohol as your native guide, finding adventure is so easy you’ll probably stumble right over it. It’s getting the hungover guy to book the ticket to Prague that’s hard.

Barley Brothers Brewery 1425 McCulloch Blvd N (928) 505-7837 Big John’s Steak’n Pub 717 Lake Havasu Ave N (928) 453-5858

Rumours Pub & Eatery 34 Scott Dr. (928) 854-1404 Shooters 1515 Marlbro Dr (928) 680-6076 The Office 2180 Acoma Blvd W (928) 855-9583

Martini Bay 1477 Queens Bay (928) 855-0888

The Palms Lake Ront Bar & Dining 2mi South of Copper Canyon on the California side

Casa Serrano 150 Swanson Ave (928) 854-5500


Desert Martini 2120 McCulloch Blvd N (928) 855-1818 Frigate Resturant & Lounge 350 London Bridge Rd (928) 453-9907 Fire House 66 Capri Blvd (928) 505-5224 Kokomo 1477 Queens Bay (928) 855-0888 Mad Dogs Bar & Grill 2048 McCulloch Blvd N (928) 505-5253 McKee’s Pub & Grill 2112 McCulloch Blvd N (928) 453-8400 Nancy’s Ice House 2061 Swanson Ave (928) 855-8581 Pour House Restaurant & Lounge 2093 McCulloch Blvd N (928) 680-0063 Red Room 1519 Queens Bay (928) 505-7226

Hogans 10172 Riverside Dr (928) 667-4299 Roadrunner Floating Bar 7000 Riverside Dr (928) 667-4252 Stroke’s bar & Grill 8010 Riverside Dr (928) 667-2366


Bars & Cars 1331 Baseline Rd (928) 704-2277 Cocktails 3935 Highway 95 (928) 758-4955


Hideout 2311 S Casino Dr (702) 299-0008 Tarzan’s Lounge 2300 S Casino Dr (702) 298-7111

Are we missing your Bar/Club or event? Call: 928-453-0954


KNOCKOCKOUTLet’s Go This trio from Riverside, California gives us one the best CD’s I’ve held in my hot little hand in a month full of Sundays. With a Sublime-esqe mix of Ska, Funk, & Punk with some head-bobbin’, lilting reggae beats, Let’s Go earns the coveted “ Sunday Barbecue/ Road Trip-Worthy-Award”. Knockout spouts positive, socially conscious lyrics on some tracks, and cusses out skanky ex-girlfriends on others. Musically, they’re tight as hell, with Frank Disney’s exceptional drumming skills standing out especially on the more punk tracks like “Low Down Dirty

World”, and guitarist/singer Jared Palazzolo makes great use of the wah-wah pedal. Vocals on “Only Escape”, & “Underground Junkie” will have you swearing Bradley Nowell came back from The Beyond just to guest on these tracks. There is truly something for everyone on this disc, “Good Times” is an instant classic, and for you ska-punk fans, there’s an excellent cover of The Specs “Social Life” featuring Angelo Moore of Fishbone on sax. To cop this disc email or visit knockout-rock.


INCENTIVE RED- So Far Seen If you didn’t see “local” over their name, you might assume this band was from somewhere way more metro, based on the production value & innovative style of their debut CD. But these 5 guys

are definitely a Lake Havasu band, and they’ve put out a disc that rocks hard, but has a quality & sound that could definitely be radio worthy. They cite an eclectic list of influences, from Jazz to Jam bands to hard Alternative, and it translates on this album into funky, hard rock. If you like Incubus, System of A Down, or Nickelback, this CD will be in your ride’s player for a while. So Far Seen can be found at Hastings, & Bump City Music, LHC.

The band “Rock Candy” brought the house down with a 2-hour Rock Concert at Kokomo Havasu July 31st. The RockStarsNModels party was sponsored by K-ROCK Radio, Kokomo Havasu & ROCKSTARSNMODELS.COM. Special guest appearances were made by “Soul Clown” guitarist Tyrone and “World Class Bass Player” Hollis Googe. Also appearing on stage for the song RockStarsNModels, flying in in from Miami Beach, Florida, Reagan-Miss July 2006 & Hot bikini Cover Model. The song whose inspired by Reagen was written for her by Rich-Rock Candy Songwriter/ Drummer / Keyboardist / Photographer. The CD single RockStarsNModels is available for free download on the website ROCKSTARSNMODELS.COM and will be available for sale soon at Hastings Music. ROCKSTARSNMODELS.COM features Arizona’s Hottest Bikini Models. Models wanted, must be 18 for 2006 Hot Bikinis Calender / Poster and promotional modeling. Apply at Pitfalls Bikinis or online at ROCKSTARSNMODELS.COM For more information E-Mail ROCKSTAR9904@HOTMAIL.COM


Aiight kids, the Havasu heat is officially here, and although we aren’t exactly in Hell, we can definitely see it from here this month. So allow us to get a little hippy-dippy on yo’ ass & let the stars let you know what you can do to help your fellow desert dweller not lose they ever-lovin’ mind & spread a lil’ fun & lovin’….cause’ bein’ sweaty can be fun, but not sweaty & mad…

Virgo Aug 23 - Sept 22 “Come & just chill wit da’ Virgo,we’re sippin’ on merlot, you aint gotta take yo’ shirt off, but see if you can’t convince your girl tho”’……Happy Berfday Virgo!! Go Shorty, It’s your Berfday so ain’t got to worry nuttin’ about nuttin’. Try to stay cool while doin’ the damn thing, & the stars will have yo’ back this month.

Libra Sept 23 - oct 22 You’ve been wishy-washy lately & it’s getting’ on everyone’s last nerve. You’re good a bein’ the host with the most, but if actually started showin’ up places & puttin’ it down for the crown, you’d really be a rockstar.

Scorpio Oct 23 - Nov 21 A big decision has been on your mind lately & it’s makin’ you grumpy. Say it eith me now, “It is all good in tha’ hood”. The stars say the second you stop flippin’ off people in your car & exhale, you’ll get laid & the choice will be clear.

Sagittarius Nov 22 - Dec 21 You have a natural talent for being straightforward to the point of being blunt. Put away the truth, Ruth, just for the month, Sag, & save us all from a “Do-the-Right-Thing” style meltdown.

Capricorn Dec 22 - Jan 19 You’re hollerin’ at ya peeps, & ya peeps ain’t around! Why? Cause although you’re known for puttin’ it down & gettin’ it done, your peripheral vision sucks & you might be sleepin’ on pals or honeys that could relieve some stress & make you even more of a pimp!

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 People don’t always get you, crazy water bearer, with your crazy clothes & conspiracy theories. But those weird vibes you were getting last month won’t go away by backin’ down or shuttin’ up, you actually need to show folk tha’ way. So don’t be stingy with that good idea, new band, or hotspot. People will definitely pick up what you put down.

Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 Hoo Lawd! Love is in the air for you this month Pisces, in every sense of the word. SO spread some love wherever you can, friends, family, coworkers, supermarket check-out girl. Just make sure you do it in front of who you got the hots for& they’re yours for the Fall.

Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 You gotta watch out for burnout, Aries, cause you have a purpose this month, & people will be countin’ on you. Unfortunately’ it involves being the designated diver a lot, & staying up late listening to friends whine about cheatin’ mates’ but the bright side is a humongous reward is headin’ your way. Taurus Apr 20 - May 20 You are on fire this month Taurus! But in this heat, that could make for a high combustibility factor. So instead of trying to stay hot, think cool. Go on a picnic, & you’ll mellow out & realize what’s really gonna make you happy this month.

Gemini May 21 - June 20 You have more energy than anyone this month, which you should work to make sure everyone gets their groove on properly. Play Activities Director for a night, & your bar tab shall vanish miraculously !

Cancer June 21 - July 22 The good news is, your pockets are fatter this month. The bad news is, your conscience is leanin’ on your good time. So buy a drink, open a door, wash a dog, whatever, just make contributing to the karma bank a priority this month. You’ll stay fat and happy!

Leo July 23 - Aug 22 You are an out-of-the box original who unfortunately, has to operate in the box for the real world. So this month you need to head in the opposite direction of everybody else and actually seek the heat, get all up in it & rage, you & the rest of the world will be better off for it.

Vol 1 Issue 5  

Vol 1 Issue 5