Create Accountability 8

Brian has a motto he frequently uses: “Nothing is above me and nothing is below me.” You just do it. It’s how you build things and grow things and get things done. Kids have to learn this too. There shouldn’t be any tasks that they think they are better than just because they’ve grown out of the obligation. Everybody works together.

We also often tell the girls: “Don’t be a martyr.” I think it’s one of the most annoying traits of young adults (or adults of any age!) I think it can be a bad habit that kids learn by being enabled. If we hear any of this kind of excuse, “I can’t clean the yard because it’s raining and it’s cold and my sisters made the mess and it’s not MY FAULT!” we nip it in the bud and tell them “it is your problem now you figure out how to

Allow Natural Consequences 9

There are very well-meaning people who become “helicopter parents” - hovering over their child’s every move. And “bulldozer parents” – the ones plowing a smooth path in front of their kids so no bumps or bruises could be experienced along their way.

However, I think it is so important to allow natural consequences to take their course. People often asked me how I let my kids make dinner without letting them use a stove. We do let them use the stove once it’s age-appropriate. We have an electric cooktop instead of gas burners, so I feet like the risk is a bit lower, but the girls understand that the pots and pans are hot and it’s a big responsibility to use, so they are cautious and respectful of the risk. If they grab a hot pan without an oven mitt once, they will burn their hand and not do it again. We’ve all done it!

Encourage “Real World - Real Jobs”

While it’s important to have jobs/duties/chores with your own family to learn accountability, it’s also pretty valuable to take what you’ve learned and have some work experience outside of the family. I think it’s important to work for someone else besides your parents, to take directions and possibly criticism from someone else, and also to feel the empowerment of having your own job as early as possible.

When Francie was 10, she asked if she could work at a local dog kennel in our small town. She offered to work for free, but they insisted on paying her. She came out on her second day of work with $17 one dollar bills in her hand and a huge smile on her face! She was so proud and self confident and wanted to go back and work there every afternoon.

Seeking a job outside of the home teaches many lessons in a very concentrated experience. Unfortunately, it’s not easy for kids to actually get real jobs these days with work permits and insurance. But, maybe they can find a neighbor willing to hire them to help with yard work, walk their dogs, etc. It’s important for them to take accountability of the whole process. Learning to work for someone else is important because you have to learn to deal with being told what to do by someone other than a parent. You might have to take criticism and learn how to not get your feelings hurt, but instead use that information to do better next time.

These will all be very important life skills for the rest of your kids lives!