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Elements of this Manual are adapted from the CSU Peer Mentoring Program Mentor Training Manual (2011-12) 3|Page


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TABLE OF CONTENT

About The Program ················································ 5 Introduction to Mentorship ······························ 8 Communication··························································· 12 Sexual Minority Issues ·········································· 16 Vocabulary and Terms ········································ 20 Important Trans Information ··························· 23 Sexual Identity Development Model ··· 26 Mentoring Relationship ······································· 29 Goal Setting and Self-care····························· 35 Queer Community Contact ····························· 39 Crisis Management ················································ 41

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The Program Sponsored and coordinated by the LGBTQ Center, The QUEST Peer Mentoring Program pairs students who are coming out and/or exploring their identity as a Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer or Questioning person with other individuals who are experienced, self-accepting, knowledgeable about the LGBTQ community and community resources, and who express a positive LGBTQ identity. The goal of the program is to help students to develop a positive LGBTQ identity by creating supportive relationships, providing accurate and useful information to students, and by giving students a safe space in which to discuss their experiences. We hope to facilitate the personal and professional growth of our students by providing them with opportunities for academic, career, and personal guidance, as well as opportunities to form safe and supportive relationships. 5|Page


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Statement of Purpose We believe that mentoring helps LGBTQ students to explore, accept, and to better integrate their LGBTQ identities by providing them safe, comfortable spaces in which they can talk to experienced and self-accepting LGBTQ people. We recognize that identity is a complex issue and believe that mentoring provides a safe space in which students can process through the pressures/experiences they might face relating to their sexual and/or gender identity, their transition to college, or academic and personal issues. The QUEST Peer Mentoring Program is committed to the holistic personal, academic, and professional development of our students and will work to create relationships and opportunities for our students to become: comfortable with their identities, engaged in their communities, and capable of setting and achieving goals as they relate to personal, academic, and professional success.

Mission Statement of Division of Diversity, Equity and Inclusion “Kent State University is committed to the creation and nurturing of a diverse community of individuals through inclusive excellence. Diversity involves

recognizing the value of differences and the inclusion of all members of the community including those that experience discrimination or under representation. This is a core value of the university as we strive for a culturally diverse student body, faculty, and staff that reflect the multicultural nature of Ohio, the nation, and our world; bringing unique strengths and abilities which contribute to our pursuit of Inclusive Excellence in Action.� 6|Page


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Program Values: Inclusion The QUEST Mentoring Program understands that diversity exists within the LGBTQ community, the Kent State community, and our larger society. The QUEST Mentoring programs respects the individual and the diversity that they bring to the program. The QUEST Peer Mentoring program is committed to advocating for all LGBTQ people regardless of their race, ethnicity, religion, sexual identity, gender identity, or ability.

Respect The QUEST Mentoring Program seeks out individuals who are open minded and those who respect the diversity of our community. The program defines respect as being knowledgeable and accepting of human differences, having a desire to continually learn and to educate others , and acting as responsible and professional stewards of our community.

Education The Quest Peer Mentoring Program recognizes the need to bring awareness to LGBTQ issues. The program encourages students to be engaged stewards of their communities by providing them with opportunities for training as well as service to the Kent State and LGBTQ community.

Community Building The QUEST Peer Mentoring Program is committed to building a sense of community within its participants. The program encourages students to make meaningful connections between each other and others within the Kent State and LGBTQ communities. In an effort to assist our students in creating this sense of community, the QUEST Peer Mentoring program will provide students with opportunities for social activities and community service

Contacts Roxie Patton, M.A. Division of Diversity, Equity and Inclusion Program Coordinator, LGBTQ Center 330-672-8008 rpatton7@kent.edu

Adams, Heather E Division of Diversity, Equity and Inclusion Director, Women's Center 330-672-839 hadams@kent.edu 7|Page


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Who is a Mentor and a Mentee? Mentors can be both faculty/staff and a peer! Each undergraduate mentee will be matched with one other upper-class, undergraduate student (junior status and above). A mentor is a person who demonstrates the following: 1. A willingness to be open about their sexual and/or gender identity 2. A demonstrated ability to promote acceptance and education in both ones-self and others 3. A demonstrated commitment to helping others 4. A willingness to commit to a mentoring relationship 5. A demonstrated helpful, open-minded, engaged and positive demeanor

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Mentees can be any incoming/current student who believes that they could benefit from a mentoring relationship. These students might need help with the following:  Exploring what their sexual/gender identity might mean  Accepting their sexual/gender identity  Coming out  Finding safe spaces on and off-campus  Navigating the university and their transition to college  Figuring out how to find a internships  Or just looking for someone that they can talk to


Mentor Training Q U E S T P e e The QUEST Peer Mentoring Program recognizes that sexual/gender identities are complex. In an effort to best serve our students, all mentors are required to go through a pre-program training that will cover important issues within the LGBTQ community. This training will also include mentoring techniques and information on goal setting. Continued training will be available to mentors throughout their participation in the mentoring program.

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Both mentors and mentees are expected to complete a mentor or mentee application and a matching survey. The LGBTQ Center Program Coordinator will match pairs based off of: •

Preferences

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Experiences

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Personality traits

Once your mentor/mentee pair has been formed, you will be matched with a faculty/staff person who can help you to answer questions about the University, or to talk with them about their experiences as a full-time, LGBTQ professional.

Group Mentoring Activities

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Once every month the LGBTQ Center will provide mentors and mentees with opportunities to get together and get to know each other! These activities might be a pizza party, or a movie, or a community service trip! Group activities will be mandatory for mentors but optional for mentees since we recognize that mentees may not be out to friends/family.


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Mentor/Mentee Contact: We ask that mentors take the initiative to contact their mentees and discuss how they plan to meet each other for the first time. At this point, mentees will select how they want to be contacted. We encourage mentors/mentees to talk to each other about how much contact they wish to have.

Mentors and Mentees should

 Be in contact according to a Mentees preferences at least once a week  Schedule an hour long, in-person meeting at least once every two weeks for the first six weeks of Fall Semester (for a total of three

meetings in the first six weeks)  After the first six weeks mentors/mentees should make in-person

contact at least once a month.

In-person meetings should always take place in a public place,

i.e. a space like Risman Plaza, or a coffee shop, or another open on or off-campus location ( this does not mean that the space needs to be crowded, we just ask that the space not be a residence hall room or car when you are conducting an official QUEST meeting) Ultimately it is up to the discretion of the mentor/mentee pair. Once the mentor/mentee pair has become more comfortable around each other, we encourage you to pick activities that are challenging and that are going to help the pair to learn and grow! 10 | P a g e


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Journal Space and Reflection The program encourages you to make meaningful connections between your mentor/mentee experiences and your growth/goals. Mentees and mentors will be asked to keep a journal of their experiences. While these

journals will be confidential, mentors may be asked to share general thoughts and experiences from these journals with Roxie Patton, the Program Coordinator of the LGBTQ Center.

Confidentiality The QUEST Peer Mentoring Program takes confidentiality very seriously. The program recognizes that mentees may be at different stages in the acceptance/expression of their sexual/gender identity and may, therefore, be uncomfortable being in public spaces or discussing contact with their mentor in public spaces. In order to respect the trust that mentors/mentees build over the course of the year, both mentors and mentees are expected to:  Keep their conversations private and confidential (whenever possible)  Discuss a mentees comfort level being seen in public and how to describe a mentor/mentee relationship if someone should be asked  Sign confidentiality agreements  Report all breaches of confidentiality to the Program Coordinator immediately

Professionalism Professional behavior from both mentors and mentees is absolutely imperative. In order to maintain both trust in the program and also the respect of program participants we ask that Mentors/Mentees do not engage in the following behaviors while together/participating in the program:   

Illegal use of drugs or alcohol Illegal activity Sexual and/or romantic relationships with one another

We understand that feelings can sometimes develop between people. We do ask that if you have developed feelings for your mentor/mentee that you alert the Program Coordinator immediately. 11 | P a g e


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Interacting With a Mentee Please make every effort to contact your mentee as soon as you receive their information. Please introduce yourself with the following information: your name, your major (or area of study), where you are from, and some of your interests or hobbies.

An example might be something like this: Subject: Introducing myself: I'm your mentor!

Hi [ Mentee Name ], My name is [ insert your name ] and I've been matched with you as your mentor! I wanted to take the time to introduce myself to you and share some information about myself so that we can start getting to know each other. I am a [insert year of study] student in the [ insert college/program/major ]. Some reasons that I study this are [ insert reasons ]. [ Interests/hobbies/activities ]. I'm eager to get to meet you and see how I can help you. The program asks us to communicate about how and how often you would like me to contact you. Is there any way that we can chat either via phone, Skype, or in-person any time soon? I think that that will be the easiest way for us to talk. My contact information is: [ name ] , [ phone number ] , [ email ] I am most available during: [ insert time of day ] Please feel free to reach out to me and let me know that you've received this information. I'm most available by [text/email/calling]! Thanks and have a great day. Regards, [ name ] 12 | P a g e


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How to Start a Conversation We recognize that it can be awkward to start a conversation with someone that you just met! Some tips to get a conversation started are:     

Ask open-ended questions Encourage your mentee to be open and honest with you Share some information about your own experience as an LGBTQ person Encourage your mentee to lay out some expectations of you as a mentor Encourage your mentee to work with you to set some goals of what you would like to accomplish over the semester

Some questions to ask 

Where are you from and what is your hometown like? What were some of your exp eriences when you were younger? (Talk about their family or culture's viewpoint of LGBTQ individuals, you may also want to share some information about yourself) Do you work during the year/over the summer? Doing what? Can you tell me more about your maj or and your interest in it?

What attracted you to Kent State?

What are your classes like this semester?

What is your favorite song or recording artist?

What part of college are you most excited about!? Do you know of any student organizations that you might want to become involved with?

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Examples of Communication Phone: 

A call to each other where you talk about (if the person is comfortable): ◦ Classes ▪ Hey! I know that you had a midterm this week, how did that go? Do

you feel like you were prepared enough? ▪ Is there anything I can offer you to help you for your next midterm? ◦ Work ▪ Can you tell me about how your work/internship is going? ◦ Personal Life ▪

Can you tell me about some of the interactions you've had with people over the last few weeks? How are you feeling?

In-person:  Going to grab coffee, lunch, dinner, or a snack  Attending a community or campus event together  Going to a movie, watching a movie or a television show

Texting/Internet/Email:  Contact over Facebook or Skype, or some other type of Social Media  An email that asks about one of the things detailed above – make sure to check in! 

Texting to have quick updates or to set up an in-person or other type of meeting

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Open-ended vs. Closed-ended questions Taken from: http://examples.yourdictionary.com/examples/examples-of-open-ended-and-closed-ended-questions.html

If you can answer a question with only a "yes" or "no" response, then you are answering a close-ended type of question. Open-ended Questions Open-ended questions require a response with more depth and a length. Open-ended questions are also helpful in finding out more about a person or a situation, whether it's during an interview, at a party, or when getting to know a new friend. These questions allow you to organically ask follow-up questions to better understand the conversation!

Examples of Close-ended Questions       

Are you feeling better today? Have you already completed your homework? Is that your final answer? Were you planning on becoming a fireman? Can I help you with that? Would you like to go to the movies tonight? Is math your favorite subject?

Examples of Open-ended Questions      

What are you planning to buy today at the supermarket? How exactly did the fight between the two of you start? What is your favorite memory from childhood? What was your high school experience like? How did you and your best friend meet? In what way do you feel I should present myself?

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Common Sexual Minority Coming Out Issues                          

Fear of rejection by society Fear of rejection by religion or of “going to hell” Fear of losing family or other important relationships Fear of losing financial support and/or housing Fear of “starting over” Fear of abuse, threats, or violence Fear of losing close friends and colleagues or employment Lack of positive openly gay role models Lack of access to positive images of LGB issues Feelings of loneliness or solitude: “I'm the only one” or that their orientation is “only a phase” Getting physical needs met through anonymous sexual encounters Denial or lack of awareness of sexual orientation Never pursued a sexual experience with a member of the same sex Increased use of drugs and / or alcohol Avoidance of emotional intimacy with a significant other, friends, or family Withdrawal from friends, family, or other significant relationships Sexual aversion Overemphasis of masculinity or femininity to prove that they are not LGBTQ Overemphasis of sexual desire for a member of the opposite sex to prove that they are not LGBTQ Contempt for people who might appear to be stereotypically LGBTQ (regardless of their actual identity) Contempt for “out” gay people Internalized homophobia Depression Anger Weight gain or loss Increased risk of self harm or suicide

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Common Transgender Minority Coming Out Issues  Lack of access to restrooms, locker rooms, and other gender specific facilities.  Lack of transgender friendly/knowledgeable medical care  Lack of insurance coverage for transitioning costs  Ignorance of transgender issues from the general community and the LGB community  The under use of gender neutral pronouns  Birth name, rather than chosen name on official documents.  Confusion surrounding the gender binary system.  Overwhelming pressure to “pass” as a binary gender.  Fear of rejection by society  Fear of rejection by religion or of “going to hell”  Fear of losing family or other important relationships  Fear of losing financial support and/or housing  Fear of “starting over”  Fear of abuse, threats, or violence  Fear of losing close friends and colleagues or employment  Lack of positive openly gay role models  Lack of access to positive images of LGB issues  Feelings of loneliness or solitude: “I'm the only one” or that their orientation is “only a phase”  Getting physical needs met through anonymous sexual encounters  Increased use of drugs and / or alcohol  Avoidance of emotional intimacy with a significant other, friends, or family  Withdrawal from friends, family, or other significant relationships  Sexual aversion  Overemphasis of masculinity or femininity to prove that they are not LGBTQ  Internalized homophobia  Depression  Anger  Weight gain or loss  Increased risk of self harm or suicide

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Common Intersex Issues                  

Fear of abuse, threats, or violence Fear of losing close friends and colleagues or employment Lack of positive Intersex role models Lack of access to positive images of Intersex issues Feelings of loneliness or solitude: “I'm the only one” Increased use of drugs and / or alcohol Avoidance of emotional intimacy with a significant other, friends, or family Sexual aversion Overemphasis of masculinity or femininity to prove that they are not LGBTQ Depression Weight gain or loss Increased risk of self harm or suicide Confusion about the relationship between sex and gender. Ignorance of intersex conditions from the general community and the LGB community Feelings of betrayal if family member hid the condition Feelings of betrayal if family members decided gender, and it is not congruent with identity Lack of intersex knowledgeable health care Fear of having genitals viewed by an intimate partner

Common Emotional Reactions for All Identity Groups

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Shame Guilt Frustration Anger Rage Resentment Betrayal Depression Fear Relief/Excitement

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Gender Neutral Pronouns Helpful Tip!: Ask a person by which pronouns they prefer to be called!

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Important Vocabulary and Terms Sexual Identities Lesbian

Gay

Nonmonosexual

Woman identified people who are exclusively attracted to women. This attraction can be emotional, spiritual, physical, and/or sexual. Man identified people who are exclusively attracted to men. This attraction can be emotional, spiritual, physical, and/or sexual. This term is sometimes used as a quick reference for the entire LGBTQA community, but it is not acceptable as it reinforces the erasure of other sexual identities.

A person who is attracted to more than one gender. The term is also viewed as an umbrella term for other identities including but not limited to bisexual, Pansexual, Omnisexual, and Polyamorous.

Bisexual

Pansexual

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A person who is attracted to two specific genders most commonly man and woman, but may be expanded to other genders.

A person who is attracted to people regardless of sex/gender/gender expression. Pansexual people are attracted to who the person is rather than sex/gender/gender expression. This term is often used interchangeably with Omnisexual.


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Polyamorous

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A person who engages in more than one romantic relationship at a time, with the consent of all parties involved. This may include relationships where all involved are in a simultaneous relationship with all others involved or relationships in which one person is involved in multiple relationships but the other is exclusive.

A person who does not experience sexual attraction towards individuals of any gender, but may have romantic attraction. Asexual is also viewed as an umbrella term for other identities including but not limited to Demisexual and Gray-A

Demisexual

Gray-A

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A person who does not experience sexual attraction without first forming strong emotional connections with a person. When meeting someone new there is no initial sexual attraction.

A person who identifies somewhere along the asexual spectrum meaning that they may experience sexual attraction rarely or only under certain circumstance.


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Gender Identities Gender Identity// One’s understanding of self as being man, woman, or other gender. Gender Expression// How one presents their gender identity to other people. Gender expression can be presented in clothing, hairstyle, facial hair, behavior, voice, and body characteristics. Cisgender// A person whose gender matches their sex assigned at birth. Transgender// An umbrella term for people whose gender identity, expression or behavior is different from those typically associated with their assigned sex at birth, including but not limited to transsexuals, crossdressers, androgynous people, gender fluid, genderless, genderqueer, and gender non-conforming people. Sometimes just called “Trans”.  Transexual// A person who identifies as a gender opposite of that associated with their sex assigned at birth. While some transsexual persons may wish to alter their body through hormone therapy or sex reassignment surgery, this is not always the case.  Cross-dresser// A person who dresses in clothing that is not typically associated with their sex assigned at birth. Cross-dressers typically have no intent on living full-time as the gender not associated with their sex assigned at birth.  Female-to-Male (FTM)// A person who was assigned a female sex at birth but currently identifies as a man, also known as a TransMan.  Male-to-Female (MTF)// A person who was assigned a male sex at birth but currently identifies as a woman, also known as a TransWoman.  Gender Fluid// A person who views gender as fluid or on a spectrum and changes their gender expression based on the fluidity of their gender identity.  Gender Neutral/Genderless// A person who does not identify with any gender.  Drag Kings/Queens// A person who uses gender as a form of entertainment. This person will typically present and exaggerated form of the gender opposite their sex assigned at birth.

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Important Trans Student Information The LGBTQ Center provides a variety of educational, social, and challenging programs throughout the year. Programs may vary from year-to-year but include:

Outside the Binary A discussion group for students who identify as a gender minority anywhere under the transgender umbrella.

Transgender Day of Remembrance

Queer Voices Queer Voices is a semi-annual celebration of the arts. The celebration is an all day event where student visual arts pieces are displayed in the Multicultural Center, and in the evening students have the opportunity to perform original songs, short plays, music, poetry, and dance pieces.

Lavender Graduation The Lavender Graduation Ceremony is a special celebration of the accomplishments of our LGBTQ students. The evening is a special affair where students can register to bring their partner, family, and friends to join them as they are publicly recognized for their achievements and honored with rainbow cords.

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policy guide Name Change Kent State University currently requires a legal court ordered name change in order to change names on University documents. Once a legal court ordered name change has been obtained, students may contact the Registrar’s office for the necessary forms to complete a University name change.

Gender Neutral Housing Gender neutral housing may be granted based on: (1) room availability and (2) the student's compliance with published procedures and timetables for applications and contract renewals. Housing assignments are made on a case-by-case basis. Transgender individuals, or those who are transitioning to transgender status, who are requesting a roommate are encouraged to meet with Residence Services staff (the associate director of residential communities [ph.330-672-2520] and/or the senior assistant director of Residence Services [ph. 330-672-1223]) to process this request.

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Sexual Identity Development Models Adapted from the Wright State University Safe Space Program

Cass In 1979, Vivienne Cass developed a model of homosexual identity bases of her clinical studies with gays and lesbians in Australia. Her model of identity development is based around six stages and integrates both psychology and social aspects of awareness and self. The stages show a progress from minimal awareness and acceptance of homosexual identity to a place where the identity is fully integrated into other aspects of the self. For her sample, Cass sent out 227 questionnaires to self-identified gay, lesbian and bisexual participants and was able to use responses from 103 men and 63 women. Cass claims that prior to Stage 1 of homosexual identity development, individuals perceive themselves as straight. Furthermore, not all gay or lesbian individuals will move through all six stages, as it will vary from person to person, situation to situation, and time period to time period.

Stage 1: Identity Confusion Individuals have awareness of thoughts, feelings, and same sex attractions; may experience feelings of confusion and anxiety. Individuals who react positively will seek more information and progress to Stage 2. Individuals who react negatively will reject evidence of homosexuality and enter foreclosure (e.g., refusing to discuss anything related to homosexuality, whether it pertains to them or not).

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Stage 2: Identity Comparison Individuals accept the possibility they might be gay; may seek out other GLBT individuals to learn more; may still maintain a heterosexual identity; may try to change their homosexual behavior (questioning stage).

Stage 3: Identity Tolerance Individuals acknowledge they are probably gay and actively seek out other GLBTQ individuals to reduce feelings of isolation. Individuals who have positive interactions typically progress to Stage 4. Individuals who have negative interactions enter foreclosure.

Stage 4: Identity Acceptance Individual places positive connotations on homosexual identity; contact with GLBTQ individuals is very frequent and close friendship develop; within this stage, individuals may be out in some settings while still closeted in others.

Stage 5: Identity Pride Individuals become visibly and politically active in gay rights, causes, and movements; will likely be out in most aspects of their lives and choose to have minimal contact with straight people; may feel a certain anger to things “not gay.� Individuals in this stage whose disclosure of sexual orientation is received very negatively tend to foreclose.

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Stage 6: Identity Synthesis Individuals are able to find a balance between their sexual identity and their whole self; sexual orientation becomes just one aspect of who they are, and their heterosexual and homosexual worlds are no longer so polarized. Cass attempted to assess the validity of her model by using the Stage Allocation Measure and the Homosexual Identity Questionnaire (HIQ). The problem with these tools was that the interviewees had to place themselves within a stage, even if they felt compelled to place themselves between two stages. Some stages on the HIQ were more clearly defined than others, and six stages were unidentifiable in her data. She indicated these tools needed to be refined, but no further work by Cass was ever reported.

Selected References Cass, V. C. (1979). Homosexual identity formation: A theoretical model. Journal of Homosexuality, 4, 219-235. Evans, N. J., & Broido, E. M. (1999). Coming out in college residence halls: Negotiation, meaning making, challenges, supports. Journal of College Student Development, 40, 658-668. Stevens, R. A. (2004). Understanding Gay Identity Development Within the College Environment. Journal of College Student Development, 45(2), 185-206.

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Mentoring Relationships Here are some things that you might encounter in a mentoring relationship and things that you can do to respond to these times

Coming Out Some mentees may not be “out” to their friends, family, or other important spheres in their life. If (and only if) your mentee says that this is one of their goals, feel free to help them build the self-esteem and confidence to help them disclose their sexual and/or gender identity to others. Remember that the coming out process is difficult and that some mentees may not be in a place where they are comfortable or safe. Help a mentee to consider all of the possible benefits and consequences of coming out.

Academic Conversations    

Study Tips How to find their classes Time management skills

Academic resources on Kent's Campus: ◦ Center for Student Involvement: http://www.kent.edu/csi/ ◦ Academic Success Center: http://www.kent.edu/asc/index.cfm ◦ Academic Advising: http://www.kent.edu/advising/index.cfm

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Socializing/Social Support  How to become involved on campus  How to meet new friends and where to meet new people  Events on and off campus  Volunteering events in the community

Social activities like movies and activities that take place on campus

Professional Support  Where to work on campus  Location of Career Center  How to research internships  Resume building  Help networking on campus

Others  Location of the Health Center  Sharing experiences  Active and engaged listening!

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StepOne  Encourage open communication  Determine expectations of each other  Figure out where you're most comfortable meeting each other  Icebreakers: http://www.wilderdom.com/games/Icebreakers.htm

StepTwo  Talk to you Mentee about what they're looking to gain from this experience  Try to identify areas of need for your Mentee  Respect a Mentee's boundaries – don't push too far if they're uncomfortable with a topic  Ask your Mentee how they like to be motivated and praised? What type of interactions do they respond to the best?  Write it all down so you remember!

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StepThree  Create personal, academic, and professional goals with your Mentee  Challenge your Mentee to make goals that are specific and attainable  If you're comfortable, share your own experiences  Suggest resources

StepFour  Reflect on your experiences during and after each meeting  Give positive feedback and reward them for things well done!  Give constructive feedback – don't be afraid to challenge a mentor who isn't meeting their goals. ◦ Ask them how they think they're progressing towards their goals ◦ Ask them if they think their goals are attainable ◦ Ask them how you can help them achieve their goals ◦ Suggest revision of goals if necessary

StepFive  Discuss how you would like to finish your Mentor/Mentee relationship at least a few weeks before the end of the program  Communicate that goal setting and attainment can be applied anywhere at any time (even outside of the mentor program!) Ask the Mentee to reflect on their experience with you as a Mentor. Encourage them to provide feedback and suggestions for change 

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M e n to r i n g s k i l l s 

Have the desire to help

Be motivated to continue developing and growing – your own development never stops. Many mentors say that mentoring helps them with their own personal development. 

Have confidence and an assured manner – You should have the ability to critique and challenge mentees in a way that's nonthreatening, and helps them look at a situation from a new perspective. 

 Ask the right questions – the best mentors ask questions that make the mentee do the thinking. Or ask more direct questions that offer several answer options. Then ask the mentee why they chose that particular answer. Listen actively – be careful to process everything the mentee is saying. Watch body language, maintain eye contact, and understand which topics are difficult for the mentee to discuss. 

Provide feedback – do this in a way that accurately summarizes what you've heard, but also interprets things in a way that adds value for the mentee. In particular, use feedback to show that you understand what the mentee's thinking approach has been. 

Remember, mentoring is about transferring information, competence, and experience to mentees! As a mentor, you are there to encourage, nurture, and provide support, because you've already "walked the path" of the mentee.

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How to Manage a Mentoring Relationship 

Set regular mentoring meetings. A mentoring relationship is one of mutual trust and respect. So meet regularly, and lead by example. The mentoring conversation may be informal, but treat the overall arrangement with formality and professionalism.

If possible, conduct mentoring meetings away from the mentee's normal working environment. A change of environment helps remove the conversation from everyday perspectives.

Be honest and open. It's better to know up front and build from this sort of understanding, rather than have it hurt the relationship.

Build sustainable improvements, not quick fixes

Use the mentoring session to exchange views and give the mentee guidance, and don't just give the mentee immediate answers to a problem.

A simple answer to a problem is rarely as valuable as understanding how to approach such problems in the future.

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-

Goal setting and self care [ H o w

t o

c r e a t e

a

g o a l ]

Step 1: Be specific! Use action words and ask yourself: who, what, where, when, and why! 

“I want to start going to the gym” vs “I am going to the gym three times a week for two hours, until Christmas” (keep your reasoning in mind!)

Step 2: Make your goals MEASUREABLE! Ask “how much, or many?” or “How will I know I've met my goal?” 

“Eat a salad for dinner” vs. “Eat a salad for dinner two nights a week!”

Step 3: Make your goals attainable, realistic, and ground them in a time frame!  A non-attainable goal might be something like: “I will pass this class by never studying or going to class”  A non-realistic goal might be something like: “I'm going to discover bigfoot!”  A goal grounded in a time-frame might be something like:

“I will complete two pages of my paper every night this week!”

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examples 1.

I am going to improve my GPA from a 2.9 to at least a 3.0 by getting an A in

three of my four classes 2. My goal is to develop self-care skills. I will do this by taking an hour each night and dedicating that to myself for reading, meditating, relaxing, or

doing something that I enjoy 3. I will finish all of my assignments at least one week before they are due. I will do this by maintaining a strict time schedule and making sure that I review my syllabuses early and often. 4.

I will come out to one new person a month to become more comfortable with expressing my sexual and/or gender identity

Things to Keep In Mind 

It takes time for a change to become an established habit. Your brain needs time to get used to the idea that this new thing you're doing is part of your regular routine.

Repeating a goal makes it stick. Say your goal out loud each morning to remind yourself of what you want and what you're working for.

The key to making any change is to find the desire within yourself — you have to do it because you want it.

Roadblocks don't mean failure. Slip-ups are OK! It may take a few tries to reach a goal. Just remind yourself to get back on track.

Pick one or two goals and make those your priority for the moment. Once you have those mastered, you can move on to other goals.

Create an action plan of how you are going to accomplish your goal! If you say your goal is to get a 3.0 for the semester – plan out how you're going to make that happen!

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S e l f - C a r e Ass e ssm e n t W or ks h e e t Source: Transforming the Pain: A Workbook on Vicarious Traumatization. Saakvitne, Pearlman & Staff of TSI/CAAP (Norton, 1996)

This assessment tool provides an overview of effective strategies to maintain self-care. After completing the full assessment, choose one item from each area that you will actively work to improve. Using the scale below, rate the following areas in terms of frequency: 5 = Frequently, 4 = Occasionally, 3 = Rarely, 2 = Never, 1 = It never occurred to me

Physical Self-Care               

Eat regularly (e.g. breakfast, lunch and dinner) Eat healthy foods Exercise regularly Get regular medical care for prevention Get medical care when needed Take time off when needed Get massages Dance, swim, walk, run, play sports, sing, or do some other physical activity that is fun Take time to be sexual—with yourself, with a partner Get enough sleep Wear clothes you like Take vacations Take day trips or mini-vacations Make time away from telephones Other:

Psychological Self-Care  Make time for self-reflection  Have your own personal psychotherapy  Write in a journal  Read literature that is unrelated to work  Do something at which you are not expert or in charge  Decrease stress in your life  Let others know different aspects of you  Notice your inner experience—listen to your thoughts, judgments, beliefs, attitudes, and feelings  Engage your intelligence in a new area, e.g. go to an art museum, history exhibit, sports event, auction, theater performance  Practice receiving from others  Be curious  Say “no” to extra responsibilities sometimes  Other:

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Emotional Self-Care           

Spend time with others whose company you enjoy Stay in contact with important people in your life Give yourself affirmations, praise yourself Love yourself Re-read favorite books, re-view favorite movies Identify comforting activities, objects, people, relationships, places and seek them out Allow yourself to cry Find things that make you laugh Express your outrage in social action, letters and donations, marches, protests Play with children Other:

Spiritual Self-Care                

Make time for reflection Spend time with nature Find a spiritual connection or community Be open to inspiration Cherish your optimism and hope Be aware of nonmaterial aspects of life Try at times not to be in charge or the expert Be open to not knowing Identify what in meaningful to you and notice its place in your life Meditate Pray Sing Spend time with children Have experiences of awe Contribute to causes in which you believe Read inspirational literature (talks, music, etc.) Other:

Workplace or Professional Self-Care            

Take a break during the workday (e.g. lunch) Take time to chat with co-workers Make quiet time to complete tasks Identify projects or tasks that are exciting and rewarding Set limits with your clients and colleagues Balance your caseload so that no one day or part of a day is “too much” Arrange your work space so it is comfortable and comforting Get regular supervision or consultation Negotiate for your needs (benefits, pay raise) Have a peer support group Develop a non-trauma area of professional interest Other:

Balance  Strive for balance within your work-life and workday  Strive for balance among work, family, relationships, play and rest

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On Campus Kent State University LGBTQ Center Located within the Multicultural Center in 206 Student Center Program Coordinator: Roxie Patton (330) 672-9399 rpatton7@kent.edu

Kent State Women’s Center Carriage House off Midway Drive Director: Heather Adams (330) 672-9232 wc@kent.edu

Pride!Kent Meetings held Thursdays at 8 p.m. in the Governance Chambers on the 2nd floor of the Student Center President: Brandon Stephens bsteph13@kent.edu

LGBT Studies Minor www.kent.edu/lgbt Coordinators: Dr. Molly Merryman & Dr. Laurie Wagner (330) 672-0315 mmerryma@kent.edu lyoo@kent.edu 39 | P a g e


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Off Campus Townhall II LGBTQ Victim’s Outreach Program Advocacy for LGBTQ Victims of Sexual Assualt, Domestic Violence, Sexual Harassment, Stalking, Federal Crimes, Hate Crime, and Violent Crime. Contact Information: www.townhall2.com 155 N. Water St. Kent, Oh 44240 (330) 678-HELP (4357)

Akron Pride Center www.canapi.org 895 N. Main St. Akron, Oh 44310 (330) 785-0088

The LGBT Center of Greater Cleveland www.lgbtcleveland.org/

6600 Detroit Ave. Cleveland, Oh 44102 (216) 651-5428 info@lgbtcleveland.org

National Gay & Lesbian Hotline Contact Information:

1-888-843-5464

The Trevor Project 24 Hour Crisis Line:

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Crisis Management Information As a mentor you are not a licensed counselor or therapist . The program expects that if a person exhibits concerning behavior,

you

refer

them

to

proper

on-campus

and

off-campus resources. The community has resources that are

intended

capacities. experts. you

to

These

support offices

students and

in

services

a are

number staffed

of with

Some examples of behaviors/situations in which

would

want

to

refer

someone

to

resources

would

include (but is not limited to):

◦ Symptoms of depression ◦ Suicidal threats, ideations, or actions ◦ Personal or professional tragedy (like the loss of a job or family member) ◦ Sexual assault ◦ Bias incidents (including but not limited to: verbal and physical assault and harassment from staff/faculty/students) ◦ University related issues

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Q

U

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S

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P

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g

P

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LGBTQ Center

Pschychologic al Services

Office of Student Conduct

KSU Police

Affirmative Action

Residence Services

Women's Center

SART

Health Services

Multicultural Center

Center for Student Involvemen t

672-8580

672-2487

672-2753

672-3070

672-3040

672-7000

672-9230

672-8016

672-2322

672-3560

672-2480

2

1

2

1

2

2

1

1

2

1 = Primary Contact 2 = Second Contact

Phone Number Immediate threat to self or others Suicidal Thoughts LGBTQ affirming medical care LGBTQ related questions with need of resources Roommate issues related to sexual orientation or gender identity Student wants to become involved with LGBTQ organizations Sexual harassment or Civil Rights issue Hate Crime

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2

1

1

2

2

2

2

1

1

2

2

2

2

1

1 1

1

1 2


Q

U

E

Experiencing violence, stalking, or bullying Eating disorders or self-esteem issues Student has been disowned or kicked out by family members Student is questioning their sexual orientation or gender identity Student is feeling lonely or isolated Student is facing discrimination from a university employee based on their sexual orientation or gender identity

S

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P

e

2

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Sexual Assault

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Q U E S T

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KENT STATE LBGTQ CENTER

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KENT STATE UNIVERSITY 2013-2014

Q U E S T

QUEST Program Manual  

Manual for QUEST Mentorship Program

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