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Third Issue

August 31, 2013

Providing Sisterly love through Sisterhood by uplifting and encouraging without judging.

Created by Cassandra “Shay Shay” Wilkins Copyright@2013


Third Issue

Things We Go Through In Life

Why Me???? Why Me? ……Why Me? ......Why Me? Is a question that we all have asked several times in our life? Because we do not understanding all crazy and strange things that happen to us in our lives. We began to ask the following questions: “What did I do wrong to deserve these bad things happening to me?” Why am I going through this? Why do these things keep happening to me? Why God are you punishing me?” We end up in a Why Me pity party where we began crying until we can’t cry anymore. I have heard so many times in life that everything happens for a reason. However, it took me a long time to understand it. In life we have to go through trials and tribulations in order to get to the next level in life. You see God has a plan for our lives and when we stray away from that path he has to put obstacles in our lives to get us back on track to lead down the right path. Also God uses these obstacles and situations to help us to get to the next level in our lives. He use this to help prepare us to be able to handle what he is about to bless us with. There are things that we will experience in life that is not for us, but God allows us to go through it in order to help someone else. I know

Copyright@2013

August 31, 2013 what you’re thinking why I have to go through it if it is for someone else. And believe me I’ve asked the same question, but it was revealed to me that we can help other people that may not be strong enough to handle the situation. God said that he will not give us any more than what we can bear. So by sharing our story we can give hope to a hopeless situation to someone that need help or away out. God gives us test that we need to pass to prove to him we are ready or worthy for the blessings he want to give us. If we don’t pass the test then God will continue to test us and allow things to happen to us until we finally get it right. It is not God’s desire to see us hurting or living a life filled with misery and pain. He wants to bless us with our heart’s desire and love and happiness. God hears our prayers and request for things we want and need. However, God will not give them to us if he feels we are not ready for them or can’t handle them. This is why he tests us and allows certain things to happen to us to see how we can handle them. So now the question should be “Why Not Me?”

Don’t Judge Me You Don’t Know Me

This is something that is a big issue with people now a day. It seem that everyone is worried and concerned about everyone else


business, but their own. It is sad that people enjoy prejudging people just by the way they look, talk, dress, and the company they keep. In reality you can’t judge a book by its cover. In life we assume too much instead of taking the time out to actually get to know someone. By doing this you could miss out on meeting someone special that could be a blessing to you or in your life. We all have done this; however we can’t stand when someone does this to us. So if you don’t like to be judged then don’t judge. I recall a time when I was on the train and this guy told me I should smile more. At first I was like whatever then I looked at my reflection to see the evil look on my face. So just by looking at me, he thought I was angry or upset even though I wasn’t.

world. We all react to things different and express various emotions so you just never know what you would do in that person’s situation. We always say well I would do this and that, but the truth is you will never truly know until it actually happens to you. So I always say you can’t judge someone until you walk in their shoes. And who knows what choices you would make or even if you could handle the situation. So be careful what you say about people because God might give you a taste of your own medicine to see how you like it.

Broken Hearted

There was this woman standing looking very evil and different people were walking passed her and saying negative things about her and assuming she was an angry bitter woman and so on. I saw here and I began to pray for her and her situation because there could be numerous reasons why she looked and acted the way she was. She could have gotten some bad news or just broke up with her boyfriend or lost her job. I think that people enjoy pointing out all the bad stuff going on in other people’s lives because their lives are messed. I find that people love to give you advice on what you need to do in your life when they need to use their own advice to get their lives together. Also, there are people who like to point all the things wrong in your life just to make them feel good about themselves. It is sad that people enjoy other people’s misery and pain.

Being hurt repeatedly can cause a major change in your life especially when it comes to matters of the heart. It can cause you to build up wall of protection around your heart. It can cause a person to become angry and bitter. It can also cause a woman to go through a deep depression to the point of dealing with low self-esteem issues. When we as women love, we love with everything in us and we give all of our lives until we have nothing left. This is why when a relationship end, we lose it, we can’t go or move on and end up stick in a world of what if. Or blaming ourselves for what happen and wait for him to change so we can get

“Don’t judge me you don’t know me. You don’t even know who I am or what I have been through or why I do what I do. You think you do but you don’t have a clue.” This is what I am screaming out to the 3


back together. This is something we hope for especially if we have children by him and we don’t want to break up our family. Or become a single mother raising our child or children alone.

Let the Healing Began

This is something I had experience and it was not easy for me to overcome or move on in my life. I loved my baby daddy so much I wasted 4 years hoping and waiting and praying he would get his life together so we could be a family again. However, why I was holding on to all those broken promises and lies he was telling me; he was moving on with his life with someone else like we didn’t even matter. I ended up falling into a deep depression because I felt like I couldn’t go on without him because I wrapped my whole around him. When the relationship end, I was lost and confuse to the point I didn’t know what to do. I actually felt physical pain like my heart was ripped out of me. I no longer felt complete because he wasn’t a part of my world anymore. I was at the point in my life I no longer cared anymore. I found myself using my hurt and pain as a shield of protection. I know that many of women can relate to this. I didn’t realize how made off I was until I no longer recognize the reflection of the woman in the mirror. I used food as my comfort to numb my pain and I pushed people away from in order to protect myself from getting hurt. It took me a while to get pass and over this to allow myself to let people back into my life. This was a long and hard process for me to overcome and it is never easy to get over a broken heart or to trust someone new with your heart. I just learned to be very cautious and careful about who I let in my life and who I will in trust with my heart. Take it from you can get over it, but it will take some time. So don’t allow you’re past hurts and pains to prevent you from loving someone and allowing someone to you.

In life we go through so much hurt and pain by disappointment and broken heart, and being lied to and abused. Some people can get over hurt and move on then there are others that just can’t no matter what they do or try. Everyone handle hurt and pain in various ways, but if it is never dealt with then you will just be living in the moment. We think that if we don’t think about our issues or problems or hurts and pain that they will magically disappear. Of course it doesn’t happen that way because that would be too easy. Or we can just bare them, cover them up and even use something to numb the pain away. In reality the hurt and pain, issues and problem will continue to be there until you finally deal with them. And the first step is to acknowledge them then you can start the process of letting the healing began. Once we start this process we will feel so much better about ourselves and our lives. Walking around angry and bitter will only cause us a life filled with misery. While we are walking around holding on to past hurts and pains of what other people did to us, these people have moved on with their lives like we don’t matter. So we have to let go and forgive them for us and not them. This will help us to be able to move on and 4


beginning to finally start living and enjoying our lives. I know that this is not an easy process and easier said than done. Believe me I have been there and done that. So I can relate because I too have felt this pain and been in your shoes. This is why I can share this with you so that you don’t follow in my shoes by learning the hard way.

different things like a marriage headed for divorces, get lay off your job, end up living with chronic pain, and the list goes on. In our mind, we are determine to try and fixed it, but sometimes there is nothing we can do, but accept it. Dealing with life changing things is not ease to do because not all of us can handle change well or bad news. I want to share some stories with you some various situations and how these women dealt with it and overcame it. So I hope that you will be will be bless and encourage with whatever you are going through.

After, I let go of my past hurts and pain and forgave others as well as myself for what I contributed too. I know there are things that are unforgivable that may happened to you that was out of your control. And I know that you may have used that rage and pain as a shield of protection. I understand because I have used my shield has a way to prevent others from ever getting close enough to hurt me. One day I got a word from the Lord that he would mend my broken heart and it was okay to love again. The pastor told me that she saw an image of Jesus knocking down the walls around me. And Jesus reaching out his hand to pulling me out of my darkness into the light and I couldn’t help breaking down in tears. I was overwhelmed with emotions as I felt Jesus working on me and my heart. Since then I am learning how to deal with life issue without allowing them to control or take over my life. This was a process and it didn’t happen overnight so I had to take it step by step but I was able to overcome. So if I can do it then so can you.

Acceptance By Tammy This something that we also desire and need to feel important like you is somebody. This whole process starts with us as a child going to school and trying to make friends. As we get older, we find ourselves trying to buy friends or bribe them to like us. We do this with money, candy or other gifts. We even go to the length of doing whatever it takes to fit in so people can think we are cool. What people think of us and treat us is what type of school year we have. Me personally I was very shy and I always was different from the other kids because I was taller and fatter than the other kids. I got teased a lot about it. I hated being tall and bigger than the other kids. I used to run home crying because of it. I thought I was ugly and my mother told me I was beautiful. Of course my mother always had a way to make me feel better. She made me look in the mirror and told me children will say mean things just because of them being jealous or just don’t know better.

Dealing With Things In Life That Is Out of Our Control Most of us love to be totally in control of our lives and everything we do. However, in reality there are things that are out of our control that happens to us and it is hard to accept and deal with. This can vary in

It wasn’t until I was in high school that I finally start liking myself because I grew 5


I had gained a lot of weight and I went through the process of getting the weight off so I could feel good about me again. I wanted to live a healthy life and I achieved it. I got to a place where I loved myself as is just the way God made me. I find it is so easy to make surgical changes in life to change all the ugly things we don’t like about ourselves. These doctors are making millions and billions of dollars on all of us women out there that are dealing with low self-esteem issues. In society it makes you to believe that you have to look a certain way, dress a certain way, be a certain size, and have certain things in life in order to be accepted. This can drive a person crazy looking and desiring acceptance in society. And I thank God I don’t have to worry or deal with this.

into my body and I felt better to myself. I wasn’t popular, but I was cool with everyone just for being me. I accepted that I was different and I would never be like everybody else. I did go through my phase of trying to fit in and do whatever one else was doing, but it wasn’t for me. I didn’t need to drink and get high to be who I am. I felt that if I had to change who I was just to be accepted then I didn’t need them to be my friends or hang around people like that. I knew people thought I was square and not cool, but I was okay with that. There were moments when I felt left out because I didn’t have guys blowing up my phone because I wasn’t like the hot girls that had rep. I was a good girl and wore that title with an honor. When we got our school year books and we passed them around to be signed. I was blown away when I read all the wonderful thoughts these people had of me let me that they were proud of me and admired me and that I was a sweet and cool person. And to stay that way and don’t let anyone change me. I got emotional because you just never truly know what people think of you. Even though I wasn’t popular, I was respected and that was more important than anything. From that moment forward, I prided myself on being different and not being afraid to doing thing different or to stand out in the crowd. I love when someone comes up to me and tell me they like something I am wearing and asked where they can get it. It puts a smile on my face because I feel good about whom I am and I love myself as is. I did go through a process where I went through a depression because of heart break; and I lose my love for myself. It was a process to get back to the place of loving me again.

Desperately Searching For Love By Alice As women we have all been to a point in our lives that we desired and needed some type of love in our lives. We have found ourselves looking for love in the strangest place like church, dating services, chat lines, the internet and so on. Depending on the state of mind we are in when we began this search will determine the type of man we will end up with. The reason I say this because some of us been hurting so we are looking for a replacement or rebound relationship to take the hurt away. However, like myself I found out the hard way that it doesn’t work just causes more hurt and pain then anything. It just a temporary fix and could lead you into a worse situation to be abused and used like it 6


did me. It took me a while to get out of this situation and wake up to realize I deserve better.

was worth it to stop wasting my time on Mr. Wrong. And I am okay with this because it will be worth the wait.

Through this process my self-esteem was broken and damaged because I allowed this man to tell me that he was the best that I could ever get. He informed me that know other men would ever want me or love me like him. I was so blinded and dumb to believe this man. However, I was at a place in my life that I was willing to accept any man that was willing to talk to me. I preferred any man because I couldn’t stand thought of not having a man in my life. Now I understand why it is so easy for women to fall into abusive relationships. I notice men like women that they can control do as they please because they know they can get away with it. I found out the hard way that when you are searching for love that you need to love yourself first. If you don’t love yourself then how can you expect someone else to love you and treat you right?

1). When you finally realize what you were doing how did it make you feel? I was ashamed and embarrassed that I was too blind to see what I was doing to myself. 2). How did your depression change your life? I didn’t recognize that I was going through it at first until it was too late. My depression caused me to not love myself and make bad choices and deal with consequences of these choices. 3). What did you learn through this situation? I learned that when you don’t love yourself or happy in your life then you will not make the best decisions. You will do things or end up in situations that you may regret later on in life. 4). Do you have any regrets of what you been through? I would say no because what I’ve been through just made me stronger and wiser. It helped me to become a better woman. 5). Is there anything you would like to add or share? I want to share that everything does happen for a reason so you have to take it in and learn from it. It will make you a better person and help you make better choices in life.

Once I began to love me again my confidence went up and my attitude change toward myself. It was amazing because I saw myself in a whole new light and my desires and needs in my life changed. I saw things more clearly especially when those old sorry men would approach me. I looked at them like they were crazy and let them know that I was too good for them. I notice the more confident I got that the type of men changed that approached. I enjoyed the respect and attention I was getting from respectful men. I smiled more and held my head up and strut my confidence everywhere I go and everyone knows I have it without a doubt. These men knew that had to come with their A game or would be told they were wasting their time because I know my worth and value. I know that I would have to learn how to waste for Mr. Right, but it

Living With Regret By Shay Shay I’ve always found that I was very shy and quiet person that I would have to feel people out before I let people into my life. I used to be very friendly however dealing with life issues and people has caused me to become more cautious and careful. People are crazy 7


now a day and you never know if they are for the right thing or not. You can imagine that sweetest person can turn into a mean and bitter person after being hurt repeatedly. Being hurt can cause you to shut down and withdrawal from people. You will find yourself ending friendships and cutting people off and out of your life that don’t mean you any good. I know because this happen to me. I had a best friend name, Erin and we were more like sisters. We had a deep connection that we even would finish each other sentence and say the same things at the same time. We hit it off the first time we meet and it felt good because I didn’t have any female friends at the time.

love with her. I saw her the day of her birth I didn’t want to miss my best friend special moment of becoming a mother. Things began to change between us that I never imaged would happen like having arguments and falling out with each other. However, we would make up and go right back and pick up where we left off. She had two more children before I had my son. I notice her attitude started to change toward me and it became negative. There were moments when she would act like she was jealous of me because I could do more and buy more things due to me having only one child. That wasn’t my fault that she keep having babies and I didn’t even think I could have a baby. I tried to include her and her children in things me and my son was doing, but she would give me excuse about why they couldn’t so I just stop wasting my time.

We had so much in common that we were both Sagittarius, but she was November and I was December. We enjoyed the same things like music, shopping and style, and etc. I was about 5 years older but you couldn’t tell it. Most of the time, you didn’t see one of us without the other one because that is how we rolled always together. Her family took me in as a part of the family and it was a good feel especially since my family was so far away. We both were originally from up north. I was from Michigan and she was from Ohio. We meet through her boyfriend, Man. I was friend of his mother, Shirley that I meet on the job at Burger King. Man got jealous at times because of the time that we would spend together. I would go see her more than he would so it became a problem at time, but we didn’t care. As time went by, Erin informed us she was pregnant and her and Man was going to have a baby.

I notice that every time I was happy about something she would find some kind of way to say something negative about it. I blew it off at first because I thought she was having a bad day. However, after a while it started affecting me to the point I called her less and didn’t want to be around her. I still loved and cared about her, but I just understand how she could be hurt me so badly. It broke my heart, but I just couldn’t take it any longer to have to end a 12 year friendship. I had to do it for me, but of course Erin didn’t like it and didn’t take it well. She gave me hell and harassed until I had to change my number because she was furious that I wouldn’t return her calls or acknowledge her text messages. During this period, she lashed out on me and said the cruelest things to me just to get back at me for hurting her.

Even though she was pregnant it didn’t stop us from going places and having fun. I was so happy for her and couldn’t wait until her baby girl would get here. When the day came and Asha was born I feel instantly in

That was it for me I was done dealing with her or having her in my life. I felt bad because our children became close and I 8


My heart went out to the children so I prayed for God to forgive me and told Erin I was so sorry and asked her to forgive me. I prayed for the children and hope one day to see them again. 5). What else would you like to share? Living with regret will eat you up especially if you don’t get a chance to make things right before someone leaves this earth. No matter what you have to let go and forgive in order to live a healthy life. It doesn’t mean you have to forget, but you do have to forgive for you and not them.

love them. I and my son missed them like crazy, but I had to move on in order to get peace of mind. About 5 years went by without us having any communication at all. I thought of her a lot, but was too reach out to her. God had placed her heavy on my heart and mind so I thought I would be the bigger person to find her. I went on Facebook, but no luck. I emailed her, but no response. I decided to Google her to see if I could pull her information and I was in shock what I discover about Erin. It said that she was dead. I was like that can’t be true so I refuse to believe it. I began to do some more investigation before I would accept this. After hours of digging for information, I could no longer contain the tears that flowed down my face. It was true she was gone and been for a while. Now I am living with regret because I just couldn’t let go and forgive her. I can’t believe I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye.

Life Choices and Consequences By Leah

1). How did this affect you? It tore me up inside because why I was holding on to angry and pain my friend was suffering with a deadly dieses that took her life. 2). What has this experience left you with? Living with regret due to me not being able to forgive and let go. Now I missed out on being able to be there for my best friend in her time of need and help support her children and family with their loss. 3). What is the lesson that you have learned through this experience? It has taught me a valuable lesson of not allowing my angry and hurt to cause me to forgive and let go. Regardless of the end result I have to do this for me in order to move on and have peace of mind. 4). What did you after you found out your friend way gone? After, I finished crying and feeling guilty, I looked up her mother and found out she passed away a year later.

There is song my aunt Debbie use to song it's called I won't complain, the songs talks about excepting life as it is and trusting God to guide you. I come from a long line of women who trust God and believe in his word. When you’re a child you see movies and hear stories of love being magical experience and you hopelessly believe in the hype. But when life hands you ups and downs your dreams can slowly become nightmares. For a long time I was a single mom of 4 children with different fathers. Different times in my life 16,18,22,24. I had 9


good and bad days, at age 16 I joggle high school and being a mom. My mom was my strength back then watching my child so I could work and finish school. The very same year I graduate from school I would discover that again I was pregnant. Things seemed so hard so hopeless, but God continued to lead me even when I made mistakes.

woman with an already made family, but that is how good God is because he always give you just what you need and when you need it. So my message I give today is regardless of what you have or don't have. Allow God to be the captain of soul, he will bless you with what you need. Also, never give up on love because there is someone special out there just for you. Don’t go looking for love because you won’t find it, but allow love to find you and I promise it will be worth the wait.

At 22 I was working, already with 2 kids and again I found myself dealing with this same problem. It wasn't until my 4 child that I even took time to figure out what my problem was. Each baby father promised and lied about so many different things that I felt so hopeless and confused. See I was looking for love, but only receiving a short term fix. God was always there offering the love that I needed, but I chose the love I wanted. Looking for the easy fix, which had large consequences and I thought I could do it all myself not learning from my situation, which lead to more problem. When you don't allow God guidance in your life you set yourself up to be stress, over worked, or over things out of your control. Take it from me never how to count your blessings and be grateful and appreciate everything.

1). How did it make you feel to have four different baby daddies? It felt like death at the time; however I never gave it much thought. My views were I was looking for love and not giving up on life. I know people judge me because of it, but at the end of the day it was choices and my consequences to deal with. 2). How didn’t you handle being a single mother with four children and no support from the fathers? I handled my situation the best I could. Of course, I had some good and bad days, but I was determined to make sure my children were financial taking care no matter what. I was able to go to school and work with the support of my family so I was able to make it. 3). Do you have any regrets of the choices you made? My major regret is that I didn’t really give any thought to my children’ fathers, but I don’t regret my children at all. My children and my experiences had made into an incredible and strong woman. 4). What will you tell your daughter in order to prevent her from making the same mistake you did in your life? I’ve actually had several conversations with my daughter about self-esteem and peer pressure. I wanted her to understand the consequences of choices and decisions that she will make in life.

Once I stop looking for that perfect man and stop trying to fix broken relationships that was a waste of time that is when God stepped in to help heal my broken heart. As time passed, I was able working on rebuilding me and loving the woman that God created me to be. I was at the point of my life of giving up on love and every finding a man to love and treat me the way I deserve that is when God stepped in and sent my husband to me. Not a lot of man want a 10


anything to take the pain away. We as mother feel helpless when there is something we can't fix so when this happens we have to reach out for help. As a mother you have to be willing to do any and everything to try and help your child because most of us are all that our children have. Mothers, we need to get counseling for our children because we have to get to the root of the problem in order to deal with the pain of the hurt. Our children only tell us so much and some of them don't tell us anything at all.

5). Did you ever think that you would finally meet the right man that would love you and be the father figure that your children needed in their lives? For some reason I never up hope because I knew I was a good person with a good heart and I deserve love too. And my children deserved to have a father in their lives. When I first meet him, I didn’t recognize him as my future husband. I thought he was just another guy that was going to be in and out of my life. I was wrong and God showed me that this time it was different. I am proud to say that we are celebrating our first year anniversary and we are very much in love and happy. So take it from me never give up on love or happiness regardless of your situation or choices that you make in life.

This is where the counselor can step in and be a mediator that can get our child to open up and get to the bottom of the problem. This counseling will help both of y’all to understand what is going on and work out step to take to start the process of fixing the problems or issues that is hurting your child. Don't be ashamed or afraid of getting this type of help for you and your child because ignore the problems will not make them go away. You owe it to yourself and your child to do whatever it takes to get him the help you can't give him.

Reflections Of Me Quotes "There is nothing you can't do if you put your mind to it and just do it." "Be encouraged no matter what I am going through because Jesus will make it alright." "If I am happy then that is all that matters." "I will not be afraid to dream big and do all that I can to make it come true." "No matter what it looks like I will still believe and trust in God to see me through."

Q: How do you deal with a child that is out of control? A: There is so much stuff going on in our children lives that they are easy to get influence into doing the wrong things. It's all about acceptance in this world especially young kids want everyone to like them and to be their friends. So most time children do things to be like everyone else just to fit in and it might be doing things like smoking, stealing, sex, porn, lying, fighting and being disobedient. Our children end up getting caught up into all kind of things and doing things to the point we don't even know who are children are anymore.

ASK SHAYSHAY QUESTIONS Q: What do I do when my child is hurting and there is nothing I can do to take the pain away? A: There is nothing worse than having a child in pain and we as mother can't do 11


We have to find out why these changes are going on than address them with our children to find out why. We have to work together with the teachers to stay on top of what is going on in the school and monitor what he or she is doing at home. By checking their phones, rooms, and computers to see what our children are into and friends they are associated with and the text message and emails they are sending out and receiving. We have to stay on top of our children if not we will lose them and never get them back. We have to teach them there is always consequence for their actions and their actions don't just affect them but others too.

yourself and love yourself because no one will ever truly love you like you will.

What Would You Do? Q: If you meet a guy off the internet that you hit it off with and you began kicking it with him then a couple of weeks later you receive a text message from his wife or girlfriend what would you do? A: Would you go off on the woman and tell her to go check her man instead of you? B: Would you ignore the text and wait to confront the guy with it when he comes back over or call you?

Q: When no one cares for you how do you care for yourself?

C: Would you invite the woman over so y'all both can confront the guy together?

A: When you feel like no one cares for you then it's not easy to care about yourself. When we feel unappreciated, unloved, and betrayed, we feel like there is no reason to go because no one would miss us anyway. It hurts the worst when family make you feel this way and it will cause you to fall into a deep depression. This is when we have to learn how to love ourselves and know our worth that God made us and there is a reason why we are here and there is a purpose for our lives. We have to reevaluate our lives and how we allow people, family, and coworkers to treat us and make us feel about ourselves. We can't allow what they say or do to us to cause us a world of hurt and pain that we take it all to heart. We have to find the strength to fight through the hurt and pain in order to see the light at the end of this dark tunnel. This is a test that we have to go through in order to get to the next level in our lives and if we can't make it through it we will be stick in the darkness until we find our way out. We no one cares for you this is when you need to care about

D: Or would you ignore the text and block the guy from every calling you and say the heck with both of them?

Q: If you are in the ladies room of a club and you over hear a conversation of women talking about your man what do you do? A: Would you just smile and say nothing as you walk out the rest room? B: Would you join in the conversation and inform them that they are talking about your man? C: Would you let them finish talking and following them out then walk up to your man and give him a great big kiss and enjoy the stupid looks on the other women faces? D: Or would you snap off on these women and put them in their places? 12


time actually is the menopausal transition, or perimenopause (PER-ee-MEN-oh-pawz).

Q: If your love one or friend invites you over to meet her new man and when you get there you were surprised that he was someone you kicked with what do you do?

During the time of the menopausal transition (perimenopause), your periods can stop for a while and then start again. Therefore, the only way to know if you have gone through menopause is if you have not had your period for one year. (And it's not menopause if your periods stop for some other reason, like being sick.) The average age of menopause is 51, but for some women it happens as early as 40 or as late as 55.

A: Would you go on and act like you don't know him to prevent a bad situation? B: Would you pull your friend or love one to the side and let her know about you and her new man? C: Would you just make an excuse so you can leave to avoid seeing him or telling her the true?

After you go through menopause, you are considered in the post-menopausal stage of your life. Your female hormones won't go up and down the way they used to with your periods. They will stay at very low levels.

D: Or would you confront him and let her know the deal in front of both of them?

Some women worry about menopause, and it can cause uncomfortable symptoms. But there are many ways to treat symptoms and stay active and strong.

"Real Talk" Did you know? Menopause

Usually, menopause is natural. That means it happens on its own, and you don't need medical treatment unless your symptoms bother you. Sometimes, though, menopause is medically induced, which means it's caused by an operation or medication. If so, you should work closely with your doctor to feel comfortable and take good care of your health. What is perimenopause?

What is menopause?

Did you know? If you're still having periods, even if they are not regular, you can get pregnant. Talk to your doctor about birth control. Keep in mind that most methods of birth control will not protect you from sexually transmitted infections (STIs), including HIV.

Menopause is the point in time when a woman's menstrual periods stop. Menopause happens because the ovaries stop producing the hormones estrogen and progesterone. Once you have gone through menopause, you can't get pregnant anymore. Some people call the years leading up to a woman's last period menopause, but that

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Perimenopause, or the menopausal transition, is the time leading up to a woman's last period. Periods can stop and then start again, so you are in perimenopause until a year has passed since you've had a period. During perimenopause a woman will have changes in her levels of estrogen (ES-truh-jin) and progesterone (proh-JES-tuh-RONE), two female hormones made in the ovaries. These changes may lead to symptoms like hot flashes. Some symptoms can last for months or years after a woman's period stops.

There is no way to tell in advance how long it will take you to go through the menopausal transition. It could take between two and eight years. Sometimes it's hard to tell if you are in the menopausal transition. Symptoms, a physical exam, and your medical history may provide clues to you and your doctor. Your doctor also could test the amount of hormones in your blood. But because hormones change during your menstrual cycle, these tests alone can't tell for sure that you have gone through menopause or are getting close to it. Unless there is a medical reason to test, doctors usually don't recommend it.

Symptoms Menopause affects every woman differently. Some women have no symptoms, but some women have changes in several areas of their lives. It's not always possible to tell if these changes are related to aging, menopause, or both. Some changes that might start in the years around menopause include: •

Irregular periods. Your periods can come more often or less, last more 14

days or fewer, and be lighter or heavier. Do not assume that missing a couple of periods means you are beginning the menopausal transition. Check with your doctor to see if you are pregnant or if there is another medical cause for your missed periods. Also, if you have not had a period for a year and start “spotting,” see your doctor. Spotting could be caused by cancer or another health condition. Hot flashes. Also called hot flushes, these are a sudden feeling of heat in the upper part or all of your body. Your face and neck may become red. Red blotches may appear on your chest, back, and arms. Heavy sweating and cold shivering can follow. Trouble sleeping. You may find it hard to sleep through the night. You may have night sweats, which are hot flashes that make you, perspire while you sleep. You may also feel extra tired during the day. Vaginal and urinary problems. These problems may start or increase in the time around menopause. The walls of your vagina may get drier and thinner because of lower levels of the hormone estrogen. Estrogen also helps protect the health of your bladder and urethra, the tube that empties your urine. With less estrogen, sex may become less comfortable. You also could have more vaginal infections or urinary tract infections. Some women find it hard to hold their urine long enough to get to the bathroom (which is called urinary urge incontinence). Urine might also leak out when you sneeze, cough, or laugh (called urinary stress incontinence).


Mood changes. You could have mood swings, feel crabby, or have crying spells. If you had mood swings before your monthly periods or if you had depression after giving birth, you may have more mood issues around the time of menopause. Mood changes at this time also could be coming from stress, family changes, or feeling tired. Mood swings are not the same as depression. Changing feelings about sex. Some women feel less aroused, while others feel more comfortable with their sexuality after menopause. Some women may be less interested in sex because sex can be more physically uncomfortable. Learn about what you can do to address any concerns about sex. Osteoporosis (OS-tee-oh-poh-ROHsis). This is a condition in which your bones get thin and weak. It can lead to loss of height and broken bones. Other changes. You might become forgetful or have trouble focusing. Your waist could become larger. You could lose muscle and gain fat. Your joints and muscles also could feel stiff and achy. Experts do not know if some of these changes are a result of the lower estrogen levels of menopause or are a result of growing older.

There are many important steps you can take to build your health in the years around menopause: •

Menopause and your health Changes in your body in the years around menopause increase your chances of having certain health problems. Lower levels of estrogen and other changes related to aging (like possibly gaining weight) increase women's risk of heart disease, stroke, and osteoporosis. 15

Eat well. Keep some key points in mind: o Older people need just as many nutrients but tend to need fewer calories for energy. Make sure you have a balanced diet. o Women over 50 need 2.4 micrograms (mcg) of vitamin B12 and 1.5 milligrams of vitamin B6 each day. Ask your doctor if you need a vitamin supplement. o After menopause, a woman's calcium needs go up to maintain bone health. Women 51 and older should get 1,200 milligrams (mg) of calcium each day. Vitamin D also is important to bone health. Women 51 to 70 should get 600 international units (IU) of vitamin D each day. Women ages 71 and older need 800 IU of vitamin D each day. o Women past menopause who are still having vaginal bleeding because they are using menopausal hormone therapy might need extra iron. Be active. Exercise can help your bones, heart, mood, and more. Ask your doctor about what activities are right for you. Aim to do: o At least 2 hours and 30 minutes a week of moderate aerobic physical activity or 1 hour and 15 minutes of vigorous aerobic


activity or some combination of the two o Exercises that build muscle strength on two days each week Quit smoking. Smoking hurts your health in many ways, including by damaging your bones. Stay away from secondhand smoke and get help quitting if you need it. Take care of your gynecological health. You will still need certain tests like a pelvic exam after menopause. Most women need a Pap test every three years. Depending on your health history, you may need a Pap test more often, so check with your doctor. Also, remember to ask how often you need mammograms (breast x-rays). In addition to gynecologists, your internist or family physician can do many gynecological screenings. You also may need to see a specialist for some specific problems, like an urogynecologist for urinary incontinence. Ask your doctor about immunizations and screenings. Discuss blood pressure, bone density, and other tests. Find out about flu and other shots.

was. Through my tears I engage in facing all my fears of rejections, disappointment, being used and abused, not being valued, being lied to and being played like a fool that I finally had enough to the point I can’t take it anymore. “No more feeling sorry for me and no more allow other to dictate what my life will be,” is what I screams out at the top of my lung because I can no longer live my life like this. I acknowledge that it is time for change that from this day forward my life will never be the same. Step by step I will reevaluate my life and find out what happened and what went wrong in my life to cause me to no longer know the woman’s reflection that I see in the mirror anymore. This journey will not be easy, but it is necessary in order to help in the healing process of finding myself and learning to love me again. Until we love our self and having self-value then we can’t allow anyone else to love us. When it comes to matters of the heart, it a process and it doesn’t heal overnight and it doesn’t heal automatically by itself. Sometimes you need a little help and guidance so by writing this book, I hope that I can touch and inspire other woman to reevaluate your lives and see if there are some things in your life that you might need to change. They say that if you’re not willing to change then don’t complain and that is so true because when you ask the question why am I drawn the same kind of men in my life or why things continue to stay the same in your life. If you want different things in your life, you have to start doing different things to get different results. I want to take you on this journey of me finding me again and learning to love and value the woman I always wanted to be while I’m transformation into the new me.

Reflection of the Heart This is my new book coming out really soon. I wanted to share an introduction of what the book is about with everyone. It will be blessing to your life because I put my heart and soul in it. Reflections of the heart is a mind blogging and thrilling journey of stimulating and intoxicating feelings and emotions of me as a woman who is fighting a battle of heartache and pain to regain who I once 16


issues that I am dealing with. I began to cry out to the Lord to ask him for some help because this load I was carrying was too heavy for me. I told God I needed something just for me to help put a smile on my face. One thing with God I realize you just leave know who he will use to be a blessing to you. I went on as usually to do what I suppose to do in daily life. I was talking to a lady that goes to my job readiness class with me while we waited for the bus. This woman jumped into our conversation and normally something like this would make a person mad, but we weren’t. I actually told her she was okay after she apologized for jumping in. She seemed like a nice lady and she actually smiled at me when she saw me walking up to the bus stop.

Shay Shay’s Corner

Hello I am Cassandra “Shay Shay” Wilkins I am the writer and creator of this magazine. If you enjoyed the things that you have read in my magazine you can see more and check out more on my sisterhood website called Mindblogging words to move you. On my website we provide sisterly love through sisterhood. And we achieve this by sharing our stories and experiences to uplift and support one without judging. So feel free to come and check it and like it and explore all that it has to offer and tell your friends and family about it. I promise you it will be an experience that will bless and touch your life to the point you will never be the same.

I don’t know why but for some reason why I approached her and began talking to her about the program we were in. She began tell me about that she was in a program for women who has problems with addiction like drugs, alcohol and so on. She went on to tell me about she was from Florida and moved her to Georgia then ended up losing her job. She was homeless living in her car until she got into a shelter. My heart went out to her because I knew how she was feeling since I too have experience the shelter life. I began to share my story with her to let her know I truly understand her pain. The other woman I was talking with at the bus stop began to share a job opportunity with us.

www.wordstomoveyou.com

Contact Information https://www.facebook.com/sisterlylove2012 https://www.facebook.com/purplepassion38 cassandrawilkins@wordstomoveyou.com

My Spotlight Moment

And the woman became teary eyed because she had been looking for a job and she had experience with that company, Comcast.

I found myself feeling down and out due to being overwhelmed with my life and my 17


She was so overjoy about receiving this information. I smiled and told her everything happened for a reason and God knew what he was doing to put us all together at the right time and place. Now, if I would have not stopped to talk with her then she would have missed out on her blessing. And I would have missed out on my blessing of being able to help her and return she blessed me with words of encourage. She told me by just listening to me she could tell that I had wisdom and passion for wanting to help people. She told me that she can see me as a caseworker and I smiled because I need that. I thank God for always giving me what I need so I have learned to expect the unexpected when it comes to God.

The only thing that will truly make you happy is being happy with who you are, and not for whom people think you are.

Positive Attitude "A strong positive attitude will create more miracles than any wonder drug." "Our attitude toward life determines life's attitude towards us."

"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination."

Food For Thought

"The only disability in life is a bad attitude."

Always Do You If you are trapped between your feelings and what other people think is right.

Thank You

Always go for whatever makes you happy, unless you want everybody to be happy except you.

Thank you in advance for checking out my magazine and website. I pray it will be a blessing to you as it was to create it. So be looking out for the next issue coming your way soon. I am so happy for this opportunity to be able to share with you my vision and message about providing sisterly through sisterhood.

Your happiness is your own to find and the most powerful relationship with yourself. Do the things that are pleasing to your heart and work hard to inspire and bless others.

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