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mimik. m a g a z i n e

no.age.ISSUE.ONE.2011

iris.haverkamp.bege. m a n n . ra m o n a . v a n . s i l f. hout.er ik.suidman.eline. peek. y k e. v a n . d e r. k n a a p. miriam.tonnaer. l i n d e . faas.marleen.van.den.end


COLOFON

mimik. is founded and executed by jord.weldam ilona.van.nijburg annelies.kietselaer EDITORS IN CHIEF & CREATIVE DIRECTION mimik. ART DIRECTION mimik. FASHION DIRECTION mimik. TEXT mimik. TRANSLATION mariska.doppenberg

EDITORS.LETTER

Age What is the definition of age nowadays? It is a precious thing, and at the same time so destructive. Nobody can stop age. Age strikes without mercy, without you noticing it. Time flies and before you know it you leave a whole human life behind you. Age in this society is an illusion. We are getting older, but we want to stay young forever. We do not act surprised if we see a 13 year old girl on high heels or a 50 year old lady in leather pants walking by. In mimik.magazine we want to show you our definition of age, or actually of ‘no age’. We think age does not really matter. You are who you are, and you are as old as you want to be. Age is just a number.

Welcome to our first edition of mimik.magazine. ----MIMIK.OFFICE achter.sint.pieter.19.bis 3512hr.utrecht contact@mimikmagazine.com kvk.51293749

No part of the publication may be produced or transmitted in any form or by any means without prior permission in writing from the publisher.

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TABLE .OF.CONTENT

ORGASM erik.suidman

6-7

ONCE UPON A TIME

8-9

birth

10-11

12-17

UNDERWATER WORLD yke.van.der.knaap

MOTHER&CHILD jord.weldam

18-23

24-25

EARLY YEARS

I STILL BELIEVE mimik.

26-29

30-39

LESHY&KYRA ramona.van.silfhout

FAIRYTALE ENDING mimik.

40-53

54-55

NEW FACE noortje

MR. BLUE mimik.

56-69

70-71

NEW FACE ludo

MIDDLE.AGE

72-73

74-85

SINGLE LIFE/DUAL LOVE mirjam.tonnaer & minnoir

OLD MAID mimik.

86-97

98-99

NEW FACE roos

I WILL BE YOUR BABY TONIGHT 100-119 mimik.

120-121

NEW FACE aurelia

FOREVER.AGO 122-123

124-133

DER SPREEPARK marleen.van.den.end

SPIRIT IS GONE 134-149 mimik.

150-157

THE FRAGILITY OF LIFE eline.peek

OMAKA OPAKA 158-165 iris.haverkamp.begemann

166-177

GREY ART linde.faas

STORY 178-179 jurian.vermoolen

180-181

SPECIAL THANKS and NEXT ISSUE blood

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ARTISTRY

orgasm

PAINTING erik.suidman

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BIRTH


ARTISTRY

“Once upon a time,

before there was any blue, I’d take a long long nap in a brand new home. This place, it’s like I make up my mind to stay in this lovely warm pink room. The thumpity thump of the heart.My only true path. I tell the noisy world outside to fuck off with all your play-actin’, she go no where, for no one. That was a time when silence was some sort of friend. But then my mom would heave and wake all inside. And me, she wakes up, cause a baby can’t stay still forever.

A baby

must be born. So hold on mom, for the little baby, she’s comin’ out. Push

the baby! Push the head! Oh the fuckin’ pain. Man cry like a baby himself. Push now! Push ya fat mommy. And I arrive into this world of mine. The

PAINTING erik.suidman

light so bright, it wakes me awake with a little baby’s scream. “She’s a little beauty’ A diamond darling” And I remember seeing my old dad. So full of the happy, he was. Then nursey hand me to my mum. And she’s so tired, yeah? Opened up to spit me out into this funny old world. I smile at her, cause that’s what babies do.

And for the one and only time, we three are a family (Disco pigs, 2001)

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underwater.world Madelief often feels misunderstood in this world. Underwater she feels completely free. It is quiet, nobody pays attention to her and she can totally absorb in her own world. Underwater is a relief, the best there is. PHOTOGRAPHY yke.van.der.knaap TEXT mimik. Yke van der Knaap, graduated from the Royal Academy of Art in The Hague, likes to create still images with a story. She chooses her subjects carefully. With her images she wants to create a voice for the less fortunate people in society and let them tell their story. ‘The images show a different view of the world, a view where you can drown but where you also can be completely free. Everyone can experience this feeling; you do not have to do anything for it. It is not restricted to a particular age. It has no age’


ARTISTRY

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ARTISTRY

MOTHER.& Child Photography jord.weldam


ARTISTRY


ARTISTRY

“No.grace, Just an ugly face. He stands there Looking fat And that. And there is here. They have no.fear I message I could send ‘I just want to be your friend’

As being wooden I don’t want to be tooken. For me would be dire To be put on the fire. I just want to be your unbending friend”.....

POEM

george.bernard BloodyShaw Our Little Hippo Mate


EARLY.YEARS


“I still believe”

PHOTOGRAPHY mimik. STYLING mimik. CLOTHES stylist.own MODELS ken, sergio and mariska

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“Wouldn't it be nice?”

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Leshy &Kyra. ARTISTRY & POEM ramona.van.silfhout.

‘Kyra… Come ‘ ‘No Leshy… give me another moment.’ It slowly awakens. Vibrates. Ticks. And… it stares! Leshy just stood there. Elusive, clear and incredibly loud. With her feet burried deep in the mud, in the mother. ‘No Leshy….give me another moment and poor me a heavy dose of atmosphere.’ Tick…. Tick….. Tick….. We are here not only now but then and before and never and always. Am I right? Tick by tick it just doensn’t match. Clashes and wrenches. It ignores and pushes my easeful growth. And… it stares! The sun stretches shadows into shapeless spots of darkness. Animal instinct scratches my tender civilization. Sleepless mirrors in the fields of Leshy and Kyra. ‘No Leshy….give me another moment and poor me a heavy dose of atmosphere. Get me out of here.’ Am I right? Am I Ageless? Slowly I undress. Naked. To see and search to prove. I am so much more than a shapeless spot of darkness. And It stares. I stare back. Naked. Ageless mirrors in the meadows of Leshy and Kyra.

Artistry


ARTISTRY

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ARTISTRY

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w

ARTISTRY

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ARTISTRY

ramona.van.silfhout

A conversation with artist Ramona van Silfhout. She loves the sound of drawing chalk on paper. I f she is drwaing, there are no seconds, minutes or hours. When she draws, time does not excist.

TEXT mimik. Mimik.: When did you start drawing/ illustrating? Ramona van Silfhout: I started drawing as a child. If people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up it was not a vet or a schoolteacher but I answered very sincere: an artist! Very little happened in the village I lived in.So I went to drawing lessons... in a group of mostly woman above 50 years old. We went outside into the nature or other places to draw. Or we stayed at our teachers house, where we all painted still lives. There I was.. among grey ladies with my happy ponytail. It was my weekly day out, I really looked forward to it. I was very serious and I’d make small and colourful aquarelle paintings. When I was young I worked in detail and very precise.

good and evil, seduction and rejection. These are the themes that keep on returning in my drawings. There always is tension between these opposites. Sometimes directly by two figures on the canvas, sometimes in much more abstract way. M.: What is your relation with the theme ‘no age’? R.: Much of my early work is about growing up and about the outside and expectations that are projected upon us which do not relate with what you feel inside. It was like time always went faster or slower than I did. Like growing pushed me forward while I felt I was not ready. I used to cry on my birthdays or at times I had to say goodbye to someone. I just could not let go. Until one day I woke up and realized that I, just like everyone else in the world, would grow old and die. And that is how things are and what happens on the outside. We can not change that. Inside I am different and I can be every age I want to be. Sometimes I am young, light and vibrant. Other days it feels like I have been awake for ages. Age only exists on the outside, in matter. Inside and in my spirit I like to believe that age does not exist.

M. : What inspires you? R.: A lot of my inspiration I get from nature. And in the fact that we all have our connection with Mother Earth within us but that we often forget. In our society we are ‘expected’ to live up to a certain image. You have to be beautiful, successful, interesting, intelligent, skinny and funny. But this image often does not reflect what lives inside and what we truly feel. It feels strange and drawing helps. It is like there is this primal female living in me that comes out through the paper. I hope it makes others remember that there is a deeper connection within us. Something very ancient. M.: Is there a recurring theme in your work? R.: Leshly and Kyra are two recurring figures or theme’s in my work. Kyra for me stands for the sun, the light. And Leshy is a forest spirit from Slavic mythology. Leshy seduces people and likes to make them lost. Abstractly seen these figures are symbolic for the correlation between light and dark,

M.: In what way can we see this in your work? R.: In my early work you can see it in a very threatening way. There are clocks, which literally stand for time. And birdcages, as being captured in time. I made work with women and little girls together and there was always a lot of visible tension. In my current work I make figures with no age. They can be everything. But they carry a certain idea with them and they play with good and evil. But that could be ages ago or tomorrow. There is no more age in my work. No age.

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O Fairytale. ending

PHOTOGRAPHY mimik. STYLING mimik.

CLOTHES sussies, puha and stylist.own HAIR.AND.MAKE-UP shanna.le.double

VINTAGE JACKET

sussies


Children.of the future age, Reading this indignant page, Know that in a former time ... Love, sweet love, was thought a.crime

William.Blake

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BLOUSE

sanne

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TOP

stella.theunissen

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DRESS

puha

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stylist.own


No.noise no.chewing no.signs of a fight devouring the.children with a plate of French fries

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sussies


She.ate her own kids and then spat them straight back. Forgive me.my beauties what a dreadful mistake.The children can’t hear her they’re gone it’s.too late

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NE W . F A C E

NOORTJE (16)

Where do you live? Utrecht What do you do? I am studying, class 4 havo (secondary education) at the Montessori Lyceum Herman Jordan. Where have you been spotted by mimik.? In the center in Utrecht. How did you experience the shoot? I really liked it! First I did not know what to expect and I arrived a little nervous but they are really nice people and they gave good instructions. They made me feel comfortable. I think it was a successful shoot. How important is age to you? Depends on how you look at it. I do not really care about age. How old do you feel? I feel like a teenager! Mentally I am a bit more grownup. This could be because my parents are separated, they say that divorce makes you grow up faster. DRESS

sanne

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g Mr.blue PHOTOGRAPHY mimik. STYLING mimik. CLOTHES sprmrkt, sussies, yohji.van.der.aa and stylist.own MODEL ludo

VINTAGE BLOUSE

sussies

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VINTAGE JACKET

sussies

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VINTAGE WAISTCOAT

sussies

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BLAZER

stylist.own TROUSERS

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A fit boy Carl was obsessed With how to get girls undressed. A god called Carl once said, I want to get girls into bed, But I’m rubbish at pulling And der der -ulling, So I’ll have to grow A fit lad called Carl had the dream Of how he could get girls to scream. He’d strip ‘em off nude And smear ‘em with food And watch their boobs Bounce on a trampoline My teacher said that That’s not a proper poem So she failed me mock English exam. Do I look like I care?

SWEATERS

stylist.own

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JACKET

yohji.van.der.aa SWEATER

diesel.gold.label

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NE W . F A C E

LUDO (21) Where do you live? Utrecht What do you do? I am travelling the world as a break between my bachelor and master at the University of Utrecht. So not studying at the moment. I signed up for a research master (full name: Cancer Genomics and Developmental Biology) which will prepare me to do research on cancer. But I have not heard yet if I am accepted. I play soccer and I like discovering new music and visiting concerts, I visit as many as I can. The same with summer festivals, but maybe not for this summer because I will be broke after my trip. Where have you been spotted by mimik.? Jord and Ilona spotted me in Sussies (shop) in the Voorstraat in Utrecht. In January. How did you experience the shoot? The shoots were fun. I did not have any experience. But the people of mimik knew what to do. They gave good instructions and suggested poses and not unimportant: they were very enthusiast. We did two productive shoots together. It was no problem at all that I did not want to wear all of the styling. We decided together about the styling. That was really nice! How important is age to you? Age does matter to me. Before I used to like getting a year older. Now it is the other way around (time flies by!) and I wish I could relive my years as a teenager. Those were the days. In general I say: it is something that I do not want to spent too much time thinking about, I rather live by the day and get everything out of it! Age is unimportant to me when it comes to people I know. But naturally I seek more contact with people of the same age, its more interesting. How old do you feel? I think I feel exactly my age (boring, maybe? ;) ). So 21. Based on what’s behind me in terms of school and other activities. Sometimes I feel younger, sometimes older, depends on the people I am with.

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MIDDLE.ages

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SINGLE.LIFE PHOTOGRAPHY mirjam.tonnaer

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ARTISTRY

DUAL.LOVE POEM by minnoir

the days are numbered just like the lovers they bring me flowers

the flowers flourished when their amputated stems felt the relief of caring water

body and ink writing a story for this night

but I see the vase dried up with just a reminder of what was

and I’ll give them mine

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ARTISTRY

there’s a beauty in seeing the end

before they come I know they go

the smell the softness of flowers freshly cut juices flowing to enjoy the night they introduce

to wake up one morning and recognize an empty vase with just remainders of what was

while being at the beginning

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ARTISTRY

vulnerable easily broken trying not to move

and break this last reminder that there is beauty even in the end

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OLD . Maid

PHOTOGRAPHY mimik. STYLING mimik. CLOTHES stylist.own HAIR.AND.MAKE-UP femke.de.geus MODELS roos.and.floort

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Age be.gone we’ll dance among

Those that young are be.young Bring some wine boy, fill about You shall see the, old.man’s stout Who can.laugh and tipple too, And be.mad as well as you POEM by anacreon

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NE W . F A C E

ROOS (23)

Where do you live? Utrecht. What do you do? Having fun, prepare for the admission exam for Medicine at the Erasmus University Rotterdam, some modelling assignments, sports, working at Stichting Tijdelijk Wonen (Temporary Housing Foundation) spent time with friends and family, thinking and dreaming. Where have you been spotted by mimik? At parties, through friends. How did you experience the shoot? I liked it! A friendly and enthusiastic atmosphere and good cooperation! How important is age to you? The longer you live, the more time you have (had) to learn things and to discover and to define yourself. How old do you feel? Not old, not young. Just right!

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I.WILL be your baby...

tonight PHOTOGRAPHY mimik. STYLING mimik. CLOTHES laced-up, image and stylist.own HAIR.AND.MAKE-UP margot.korstjens MODELS aurelia.and.ludo

NECKLACE

image

SHOES, SKIRT, AND TOP

laced-up

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NECKLACE

stylist.own

TOP AND SKIRT

TROUSERS

laced-up

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stylist.own


‘‘I.AM FIFTY FUCKING SEVEN AND I.WILL ROCK THIS.DRESS!’’ NECKLACE

image

SHOES< SKIRT AND TOP

laced-up

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TOP

stylist.own BRA

models.own

BLOUSE

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BLAZER

marije.seijn

MASK

laced-up

LEGGING

stylist own SHOES AND SUNGLASSES

laced-up

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TOP

laced-up NECKLACE

image

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TOP

laced-up NECKLACE

image

BLAZER

marije.seijn LEGGING

stylist own SHOES AND SUNGLASSES

laced-up

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BRA

models.own SKIRT AND SHOES

laced-up

TOP

stylist.own BRA

models.own SKIRT AND SHOES

laced-up

SHOES AND LEGGING

stylist.own

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BRA

models.own SKIRT AND CAP

laced-up

TOP

stylist.own SHOES AND LEGGING

BRA

stylist.own

models.own

BLOUSE

SKIRT AND SHOES

laced-up

laced-up

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NE W . F A C E

AURELIA (57)

Where do you live? Utrecht What do you do? Working at FNV (Dutch Union) Where have you been spotted by mimik? At work How did you experience the shoot? Very relaxed How important is age to you? I do not How old do you feel? Younger than I am.

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FOREVER.AGO

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ARTISTRY

spreepark berlin vergane glorie BETRETEN VERBOTEN

Der Spreepark Berlin war ein Freizeitpark mitten in Berlin. Seit dem Jahr 2002 wurde der Park nicht mehr für Besucher geöffnet. Photography & Design. www.marleenvandenend.nl

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ARTISTRY

einsteigen bitte

mit vollem speed

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das riesenrad

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ARTISTRY

fÜr jung und alt

rotary cups

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das dinopark

zUrĂ&#x153;ck nach die urzeit

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ARTISTRY

der.spreepark ‘I felt like a child when the gates opened. First thing I thought was ‘where are the attractions?’ I really wanted to get away from the tour and run into the park. But unfortunately we were constantly being watched.’ TEXT mimik.

Normally photographer and graphic designer Marleen van den End would jump over a fence to explore an abandoned area or building. But that was not so easy with Spreepark in East-Berlin. Just when she was about to jump over the fence, a security car drove by. She did not have any other choice then to go home. ‘I thought, there has to be some other way to visit the park. I found out that there are guided tours. ‘That is not what I was looking for but I really wanted to get in.’ During the tour she had to control herself not to run away. ‘You really had to follow the guide. While all other people quietly walked along, I was taking pictures like crazy.’ The story behind Spreepark is bizarre. The park was founded in 1969 and it was free to get in but you had to pay for the attractions. After the fall of the Wall showman Norbert Witte bought the park. But

the park had to compete with all modern attractions from the West and soon the number of visitors decreased. When he went bankrupt Norbert Witte shipped six attractions in packed containers to Peru, where he wanted to start a new life with his family. That did not work out either and when he returned to Germany he was arrested for drug trafficking. 180 kg of cocaine was found in the pole of the flying carpet. Ever since the amusement park has been empty and people can only visit it during a guided tour. Vacant buildings and abandoned areas have great attraction to Marleen. ‘It is really deserted and you are doing something illegal. That gives a real kick.’ In Berlin, where she has lived for one year, she could really express her creativity. ‘After the fall of the Wall many companies in East-Berlin went bankrupt. It is much cheaper leave the buildings instead of breaking them down.’

“ 180 kg of cocaine was found in the pole of the flying carpet”

Often she would go to explore the city. A special experience was the Iraqi Embassy. ‘Here I found Polaroid pictures and notes. It was like everybody had left the embassy at once. Like I was walking through still life. Time stood still.’ On Internet there are many blogs of people who regularly visit vacant buildings and abandoned areas, which is also called ‘urban exploration’. There is only one golden rule; leave everything exactly the way you have found it and never take anything with you. ‘Otherwise nothing will remain while you want it to be preserved.’ This is also why it was decided to give tours in Spreepark, to prevent that squatters started living in the park and it would be destroyed. At the end of the tour there was an unexpected surprise. ‘The tour guide pointed at an old locomotive and said we had to get in. We all thought, ‘that is not possible’. He turned the key and yes, we took another tour through the park!’

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spirit.is.gone PHOTOGRAPHY mimik. STYLING mimik. CLOTHES sprmrkt and stylist.own MODEL sam

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JEANS, LEGGING AND SHOES

stylist.own

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sculptures erik.suidman

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Eline Peek & the fragility of life “When you are born, you are the same as when you die. It doesn’t matter in what cover you are and what that cover looks like. You are who you are and eventually you’ll be as childish as you were.” TEXT mimik.

If you look at Eline Peek’s paintings, you experience a feeling of embarrassment. A kind of fear for decay that is visible. But if you take a better look, you see the inviting look in the eyes of the characters on the canvas. They ask you to look better and to see their inner beauty. The inner beauty that every person has in them, young and old. Eline Peek creates layers in her paintings. “I absolutely love decayed doors and old layers of paint. It shows the history of a home. Wonderful to see. Like the soul suddenly shows. A landscape that tells a story.”

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Toegenegen POEM henk.van.zuiden

Zij zijn zich aan het losmaken van de omgeving waarin ze groot werden. Zij zijn niemand anders dan voorheen, voel maar: de vertrouwde hand, zoen op wang. Alleen kunnen wij de wereld waarin ze aankwamen niet vinden Oude en nieuwe boeken worden achter elkaar in hun hoofden open en dicht geslagen. Soms verhalen ze hardop of fluisterend over iemand die je niet eerder kende. Blijf luisteren, schuif dichterbij. Laat ze niet alleen als ze ver dwalen in andere taal die ze spreken. Maak jezelf niet wijs dat er nog weinig in hun leven toe doet, wandel genegen hun naamloze dagen in en uit, totdat een vlinder of engel de boeken sluit.

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Omaka.opaka PHOTOGRAPHY iris.haverkamp.begemann TEXT mimik. Iris Haverkamp Begemann is a (analogue) photographer. She has a special band with her grandmother and loves to take pictures of her. Iris’s grandmother loves flowers. Her hollyhocks are reaching for the sky. At some moment they cease blossoming. ‘It is just like aging’, her grandmother sais. She stretches her arms into the sky and says: ‘This way I’m closer to heaven.’ The cottage in Loosdrecht is an important place for grandmother. Everything about the house reminds her of grandfather. Three years ago he passed away. It was a place of them together and now she is left alone. Time passes by. Memories do not. In Loosdrecht it feels like grandfather is still around. Iris herself has trouble with time. ‘The older you get, the more people come and go. And I do not necessarily mean by death. At grandmothers age there are many inner scars and you have lost your unharmed self. I often look at elderly people in the tram and question myself if they have not been through too much in life to not look back with pain. I am impressed that they always seem to find a new meaning in life. I wonder if I could do that. I find it unique how my grandmother deals with my grandfather’s death. Grandmother and I have a stronger connection since he passed. She always says things like: ‘do you know you look exactly like Opaka?’. That is what we called our grandparents: Omaka and Opaka. She sees Opaka in us.’

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“Closer to heaven’”

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GREY.ART linde.faas

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staring out my window raindrops falling down whispers in my head-can’t ignore the sound in this room alone replaying back mistakes can’t pick up the phone my hands an earthquake anger of my past visits me again how long will it last how long it has been wish I was different but I just complain God doesn’t want to listen but he’s not to blame graffite colored skies darkness every day the clouds always cries when they come my way as they get nearer I’m blocked on all sides is there any escape of the graffite colored skies

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linde.faas “Central in my work are the little rituals which are found in life and particular in nature and often escape our notice. In her drawings and animations I place them in the spotlight and blow them up until each represents an world of it’s own right. In these worlds the border of reality and fantasy fade away and people might experience a frozen moment in time in which the ruthless power of nature becomes visible” TEXT mimik.

Jord: ‘This is really so bizarre.’ Annelies: ‘They all look the same.’ Jord: ‘They look like they have been glued on, so realistic.’ Linde: ‘Yes, I really wanted you could see they are mosquitoes. I tried to make them as realistic as possible.’ Jord: ‘You did a good job’ Jord: ‘When did you start drawing?’ Linde: ‘I don’t know at what age I started but I have been drawing since I was a child. As long as I can remember. Every single day.’ Annelies: ‘Because you felt you needed too?’ Linde: ‘Yes, when I saw things or when I had something in my mind I had to draw those things. I was really obsessed with practising. I wanted to be able to copy things very realistic. Nowadays I am less obsessed.’ Jord looks at hundreds of drawn mosquitoes in a huge frame and starts to laugh.

Jord: ‘Nowadays it is less?’ Linde: ‘Hahaha! Yes, the mosquitoes are an exception. I used to imitate real life in the extreme, everything had to be right. I was totally fascinated by it.’ Annelies: ‘Why pencil?’ Linde: ‘I really find it a pleasant material. As a child you use it because it is easy. I guess I just sticked to it. At the art academy I painted a lot but I have the feeling I can not control it. Clearly, I am very precise and with pencil you can draw all those little details.’ Ilona: ‘I see ecoline. What is that for?’ Linde: ‘For the illustrations I also use aquarelle, ecoline and ink.’ Ilona: ‘Did you read a lot of children’s books when you where young?’ Linde: ‘No not really, I’m just starting to read children’s books haha!’ Ilona: ‘If we would tell you a story now, would you immediately get images in your head?’ Linde: ‘Yes, I’m very visually oriented.’ Ilona: ‘How would you interpret your

drawings?’ Linde: ‘I always find it difficult to say something about my own drawings. I believe that many of them have a timeless look.’ Jord: ‘And a deserted look.’ Linde: ‘Yes, indeed.’ Ilona: ‘Do you have something with desolation?’ Linde: ‘I find it fascinating. I like a negative and dark atmosphere, but not the ‘what a tragedy and what a hell’ kind. I like to have a dual atmosphere in my illustrations for children’s books. It all is pretty, cute and sweet but at the same time there is something more behind it.’ Jord: ‘Like real life.’ Linde: ‘Yes, exactly. I see it everywhere around me. That’s how the world is. When you are in a beautiful landscape in the middle of nowhere, you can interpreted that in two ways; You can think ‘how beautiful’ but it can also be very lonely out there on your own. Nature is harsh. Cruel things happen too. I love trying to show that in a subtle way.’

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story TEXT jurian.vermoolen

“Really? I also know a story.” says Faye. “It is about the rabbit of my ex-neighbours. Quite a remarkable story actually. Mysterious as well, like lost civilizations, you know, and more heroic than those medieval knight stories. It’s also really scary. Evil Dead 2 scary, if you ask me.” At ‘Evil Dead 2’ her face twitches, and at ‘knights’ and ‘lost civilizations’ she makes big arm gestures. “It is quite a long story and you will be getting off, soon, right?.. So I will tell you how it ends. The rabbit escapes, for which he can’t really be blamed, if you look at how he’s been treated, but after all the begging phone calls of my former neighbour the rabbit feels sorry. They reconcile, and the rabbit returns to live in the rabbit hutch in my neighbour’s back garden, together with his love, who he met when grazing down at the soccer pitch. Their relationship remains to be rather difficult, but tolerable for both of them. Well, tolerable… Bearable might be a better word. Then I moved and lost track of all of them.’’ Faye ends with a serious face. The woman, who obviously passed her fifties ages ago but visibly tries her best to look young, stares at Faye for a few more seconds, with her awkwardly long face, before returning her gaze to the free morning newspaper that her wrinkled and yellow spotted hands are holding. No crème in the world that can conceal their stage of aging. Outside, the green meadows and orange roofed farmhouses pass by. Faye sights and gazes at the changing view. She can see the dikes of the river IJssel now. On its floodplains cows are chewing the juicy green grass. Now and then blue holes poke through the thick Dutch clouds. Fucking cow, Faye reflects, she was just telling me of her widowed sister in law and now she believes I am a lunatic. She didn’t even want to know where it is I’ve moved to. Fuck off really, those people who start throwing up about their personal lives, or the personal lives of others I don’t know either. That photographer today was a real

drag, too. I must have the kind of face for it, Faye thinks, or knees, ‘I want to hear all about your boring stories’ knees. So often it happened to her that just anyone would start about this or that and wouldn’t stop talking. So after countless tries she found a solution. Animal stories. And simple as it might sound, it works almost every time. The train enters the next station and slowly stops. This is where the last of the normal people get out, she thinks. Whatever stays in the train now is either cow or goat or chicken or pig or some kind of weird mix. Through the window she sees the lady leaving the train and disappearing down the platform’s stairs. Some cows live here. A rather gangling young man enters the train compartment and takes a seat in the chair next to Faye. He grabs a book out of his dusty Eastpack and puts the bag on the floor between his legs. Faye makes a strange sound. A kind of oink or bleat. Apparently undisturbed by this, the boy sinks his eyes into the foxed paperback. Faye pulls her knees in. The train starts moving. “Sheep or chicken?” no reaction. “Sheep or chicken?!” “What?” “…Sheep or chicken?” “…I don’t eat meat.” “Sheep and chickens don’t either. Except in New-Sea land. There the sheep eat chicken.” “…Right.” “Sheep chicken don’t know much.” What am I saying? Faye sighs and lets her legs hang down like a indoor plant panting for water. She takes a glossy magazine from her bag and starts flicking through the pages. Faye knows which pages to avoid, number 35 and 36, don’t look. She’s feeling empty inside, zombie like, dried up and tired, as she often does, and always when she goes to her father for the weekend. He picks her up at the station, as always, at the parking lot waiting, with the engine of

his green station wagon still running. He kisses her when she gets in, the welcoming smell of tacky aftershave mixed with an ashtray. “Hey darling! Did you have a good trip?” “Yes.” He asks her if everything is going well at school, “Yes.” with the soccer team, “Yes”, with mom. “Good.” He turns on the radio. Radio 2, a conversation. While the interviewer is asking the person being interviewed about her biggest inspirations, Faye is looking outside, at the window of a store. Adolfs interior lighting. Crystal chandeliers, colourful stained glass lampshades, and an array of tortuous reading lamps are exposed in an abundance of their own light. What a beautiful mess, Faye thinks. You reckon heaven looks like that? In her mind she pictures heaven looking like an endless lamp store, bathing in its own light. Out of the bright sky silver chains descent, from which at different heights chandeliers are hanging. Some are small, others are big as little vans. All the crystal sparkles, vivid as dragon eyes. God is the salesman. On his bordeaux red Japanese blouse, a name tag says in a curly font, J. Adolfs. “How can I help you, miss?” He is standing on a ladder and is busy putting price tags with discounts on the lampshades. Maybe it isn’t God, Faye figures, he seems a bit too young for that. How old is God anyway? I don’t know how that works in heaven. Don’t you stop aging once you get there? He has always been there, as far as I’ve heard. That makes him what, zero? She tries to picture a man of zero but fails to get an image. In that case this guy here is too old to be God. “Don’t mind me. I’m just looking around.’’ She answers the man on the ladder. Well, it must be his son then. Satisfied with that thought, she sinks lower into the passenger’s seat. As her father steps on the gas they leave the town’s borders into a landscape of green spring meadows and red roofed farmhouses, and Faye is already feeling a lot better.

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special.thanks aurelia.hunfeld

noortje.noy

debby.blauwendraad

patrick.marsman

eline.peek

puhashop.nl

erik.suidman

ramona.van.silfhout

esther.koppelaar

roos.bouhuis

iris.haverkamp.begemann

rosanna.bakarbessy

femke.de.geus

sergio.roberts

floor.van.der.geest

sam.de.goede

ken.gokturk

sarah.mobley

linde.faas

shanna.le.double

ludo.westerveld

werner.van.alphen

margot.korstjens

wesley.dorrius

marije.seijn

yke.van.der.knaap

mariska.van.doppenburg

yohji.van.der.aa

marleen.van.den.end

jurian.vermoolen

BLOOD.ISSUE

mirjam.tonnaer

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