How to get over your past hurt
Has your spouse neglected you? Re- You get dealt a hand. And you have no jected you? Hurt you? control over the cards you get dealt. It’s Are you struggling to get over the predetermined. pain of an affair? But you also get to play that hand. If your marriage is in trouble, the You also have free choice. chances are good that you need to put Ultimately, it’s the COMBINATION some hurt behind you. of the hand you’re dealt and the way It’s one of the you play it that most common determines the questions I get. outcome. And it’s Marriage “Mort, I want to the outcome that make my marriage shapes your view work. But how do I of the original with Mort Fertel get over the past?” hand you were Here’s the key. dealt. The first step I don’t know is to realize what if you’re familiar you’re REALLY trying to accomplish. with the Bible, but it’s interesting to What does it REALLY mean to get over note that in Chapter 1 of Genesis, God the past? says, “Let US make man in our image.” You can’t change what happened. Look at that verse again: “Let US make There’s no time machine that can send man in our image.” Who is “us?” Who you back to relive the past. What’s done is God talking to? There wasn’t anyone is done. created yet. Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not The answer is: God is talking to US. saying that your situation is hopeless. He’s talking to me. He’s talking to YOU. What I’m saying is that you first have And He’s saying that YOU are partners to be clear about what you can and with Him in the creation of your life. cannot change. You CAN get over your (There are other explanations for past (as I’ll explain). But you CANNOT this verse too.) God deals you a hand. change events that already occurred. There’s nothing you can do to change The good news though, is that you that. But you get to play that hand. You don’t have to change the past in order get to respond to the events of your life. to get over it. What you have to change And it’s your response, your actions in is the MEANING of the past. the future, which determine the meanThink for a moment. Was there ever ing of the events in your past. a time in your life when something So how do you get over the past? You horrible happened and you thought, don’t have to get over the past. The past “Why is this happening to me?” But is over! What’s important is the MEANthen a few years later you looked back ING the past has for you NOW. And the and you could answer that question. In MEANING of your past is determined retrospect, you understood why it hap- by your actions in the future. pened. At first, it seemed like the world The people I know who have the was caving in. Later, it all made sense. best marriages are people who went In fact, very often, we eventually re- through hell in their relationship. They alize that bad times are part of a pro- “got over” their past because they used cess that leads to something good! it as a catalyst to IMPROVE their situaIt’s the events that FOLLOW bad tion. In other words, the painful events times that determine the ultimate inspired them to change themselves meaning of those times. In other words, and their marriage. And many people it’s your future that determines your I know began this process WITHOUT past; not the other way around. And their spouse. since YOU are in charge of your future, If you make the right moves, you then YOU determine the meaning of will come to view certain events as your past. birth pains that led to a new AND IMIt’s interesting to think about this PROVED marriage. THAT’S how you in the context of an age-old question: “get over” the past. Do we have free choice or is everything It’s strange how life works somepredetermined? The answer is YES. times, but if you play your hand right, Everything is predetermined AND we your hurts become part of your healhave free choice. ing. And, in fact, when it comes to It’s like when you play a card game. PAST HURT, cont’d. on Page 21
Over 30 Years experience
Fitness
HEALTH
Get that perfect smile now with braces
10% off for Military Families Orthodontics by Dr. Russell Toppi
Board-Certified Orthodontist with 20 years experience. General Practice Residency at VA Hospital San Diego 3737 Moraga Ave., #B-109 San Diego, CA 92117 (858) 270-2343 • www.toppiorthodontics.com "Thank you for your service."
For advertising information, call (858) 537-2280
LIPO $750 Per Area or $200 Off Any Procedure GET YOUR PERFECT LOOK, CALL TODAY!
Actual Patients . . . Amazing Results!
Before
After
Before
After
• William J. Seare MD, Board Certified Plastic Surgeon • SPECIALIZING IN “AROUND THE WORLD” AB & THIGH TRANSFORMATION • SPECIALIZE IN AWAKE ANESTHESIA PROCEDURES • LATEST MICRO-LIPO TECHNOLOGY WITH EXTREME RESULTS • COMPLETE MOMMY-MAKEOVERS • REMOVE UP TO 90% OF FAT PERMANENTLY • USE YOU OWN FAT FOR BREAST, BUTTOCKS AND FACE ENHANCEMENT
CALL 866-972-8578
www.CliniqueLipo.com
6183 Paseo Del Norte, Carlsbad, CA
*Bring in actual quote from competing surgeon, we will beat or match the price! Based on percentage of fat removal.
August 15, 2013 THE MILITARY PRESS 7