Military Press, Nov. 15, 2015

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RIDER! USS THEODORE ROOSEVELT

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47,000 tons of steel and 1 million pounds of aluminum 1,092 feet long 20 stories tall 4.5-acre flight deck 6,000 personnel 18,150 meals served daily 30,000 light fixtures Insignia

The profile of Theodore Roosevelt was taken from a photograph of him addressing the citizens of Asheville, NC, during his presidency. “Qui Plantavit Curabit� is the Theodore Roosevelt family motto, which translates to, “He who has planted will preserve.�

A light gray blue (“Alice Blue�) fills the Seal’s background. The color honors Alice Lee Roosevelt Longworth, who was Theodore Roosevelt’s eldest daughter and was particularly fond of light blue gowns and dresses.

In Dutch, the name Roosevelt means “field of roses.� The two roses in the name ring of the Seal were taken from a field of roses represented on the Roosevelt family coat of arms.

The mooring line, or rope, in the outer ring has 58 strands, which reflects the year Theodore Roosevelt was born —1858.

Call sign: Rough Rider

When TR was commissioned, Capt. P.W. Parcells requested that the TR be given “Big Stick� as her radio call sign; however, that call sign belonged to the White House. He then requested “Rough Riders� and was told “Rough Rider� had already been assigned to USS Los Angeles. With that in mind, Capt. Parcells armed himself with compelling logic and convinced the Los Angeles’ commanding officer to swap call signs.

So it is that USS Theodore Roosevelt is known throughout the fleet as “Rough Rider.�

Lt. Cmdr. Craig Ryan launches an F/A-18F Super Hornet assigned to the Red Rippers of Strike Fighter Squadron 11 from the flight deck of the aircraft carrier USS Theodore Roosevelt. (Photo by Mass Communication Specialist 3rd Class Anna Van Nuys)

CARRIER COMES HOME TO SAN DIEGO

USS Theodore Roosevelt arrives after Middle East deployment

T

he aircraft carrier USS Theodore Roosevelt is steaming toward San Diego, where it will call the port its new home after more than six months of duty in the Middle East, according to the Navy.

While in theater, USS Theodore Roosevelt (CVN 71), along with the rest of the strike group, supported Operation Inherent Resolve, the effort to degrade and ultimately defeat the ISIL terrorist group and the threat it poses to Iraq, Syria and the wider international community, along with maritime security operations and theater security cooperation efforts in the region. “I am incredibly proud of this team, and every day I am amazed at what they accomplished,� said Capt. Craig Clapperton, commanding officer of Theodore Roosevelt.

The strike group is made up of Carrier Air Wing 1; Destroyer Squadron 2 with the destroyers USS Farragut (DDG 99), USS Forrest Sherman (DDG 98) and USS Winston S. Churchill (DDG 81); and the Ticonderoga-class guided-missile cruiser

remember when...

USS Normandy (CG 60). Theodore Roosevelt deployed from Naval Station Norfolk March 11 and entered the 5th fleet area of operations April 7 before leaving Oct. 13.

The TRCSG carried out 1,812 combat sorties totaling 10,618 combat flight hours, taking on 14.5 million gallons of jet fuel and expending 1,085 precision-guided munitions. The carrier has traveled more than 250,000 nautical miles since leaving on deployment.

DESRON-2 planned and executed multiple high-profile missions, to include countering lethal aid shipments off the coast of Yemen and the Strait of Bab al Mandeb. Additionally, DESRON-2 ships assisted in maritime security operations in the Arabian Gulf and the Gulf of Oman to include accompanying U.S. and other nation’s merchant vessels for a limited time.

While in 5th Fleet, Rear Adm. Roy J. Kelley relieved Rear Adm. Andrew Lewis as commander, Carrier Strike Group 12, and Theodore Roosevelt also held a change-of-command ceremony when Clapperton relieved Capt. Daniel Grieco

In this issue

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as commanding officer. Theodore Roosevelt also made three port calls to Bahrain and two port calls to Dubai. “It’s been an experience,� said Air Traffic Controller 2nd Class Jennifer Dove. “We have done a lot of good things since we have been out here, but I am ready to go home. I believe we were successful in accomplishing our mission, and Capt. Clapperton says we have done what we came here to do.� “The entire Big Stick and Carrier Air Wing 1 team did a phenomenal job throughout this deployment. They exceeded every expectation, but I think the most impressive accomplishments were their lethality and effectiveness in combat operations and their impressive ability to operate at the very edge of human performance in a brutal environment with such precision day in and day out,� said Clapperton.

With the 5th Fleet area of operations behind them, Theodore Roosevelt entered the 7th Fleet, where the ship participated in exercise Malabar and maritime security operations in support of peace and stability in the Indo-Asia-Pacific region. This final leg of its deployment will see the ship transit to San Diego to complete a homeport change from Norfolk, Virginia.

The Steeler the Taliban once called ‘The Giant’ Page 4 /PW 1

HARRISON FORD IS HAN SOLO

The actor and the smugger are closer than you think

By Anthony Breznican Entertainment Weekly

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lanes roar into the air from Santa Monica Airport as the earlymorning sun blasts off the tarmac. Behind a private hangar door that’s slightly ajar, Harrison Ford breaks into a familiar crooked smile as he walks between a long-range, greenand-white Cessna Citation jet and a Bell Helicopter.

That famous scar on his chin now has a much larger rival cutting across the right side of his forehead, and he’s limping slightly. Both injuries came from the crash landing Ford survived last March when his World War II-era training fighter  suffered engine failure and fell out of the sky. “I’ve been flying for 20 years, and it was a very rare thing to happen,� he says. “It was a mechanical issue. No fault of the maintenance or anybody else.� He shrugs.

It didn’t keep him grounded long. “I got back in the heli  copter first, because my

Seventy-two-year-old Harrison Ford returns at Han Solo in the latest “Star Wars� film, “The Force Awakens,� in theaters Dec. 18.

How did it feel to lift off again? “Fun,� never been enough that he played Han foot was still in the cast, my toes were hanging out. It was the easiest aircraft to Ford says, flashing his eyebrows like you- Solo. We have wanted Harrison Ford to be get into [that I’d still] be capable, and safe, know-who. “Fun.�

HAN SOLO, continued on Page 12 For millions of “Star Wars� fans, it has to fly.�

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â&#x20AC;&#x153;13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghaziâ&#x20AC;? will surely raise questions for Hillary Clinton and President Obama.

â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;13 Hours:â&#x20AC;&#x2122; The Benghazi movie Hillary canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t avoid

By Stephen L. Miller National Review

deserved for their failure to act that night should probably turn elsewhere. Likewise, anyone looking for the satisfaction of a dramatic scene of Jack Nicholson playing Hillary Clinton pounding her fist on the table screaming, â&#x20AC;&#x153;What difference at this point does it make?!â&#x20AC;? as a gavel slams in slow motion to a dramatic score should temper their expectations.

All the Michael Bay hallmarks are there.

Sweaty close ups in warm, gold-andgreen tones. Extreme pyrotechnics and dialogue delivered in teeth-grinding, overthe-top growls. The film even features at the center of the action a bearded John Krasinski, better known as Jim from â&#x20AC;&#x153;The Office.â&#x20AC;? Politics look likely to be almost completely excluded, but the trailer shows that referencing Clinton or failure of leadership that night directly may not be necessary. It still has the potential to once again rock a campaign that three years later is still trying to explain the fallout from that night, and rightfully so.

We can expect â&#x20AC;&#x153;13 Hoursâ&#x20AC;? to follow the big-Hollywood credo of not pointing fingers at the leaders in the party they agree with. It looks from the trailer to be aiming any blame for bad decision-making that night straight at the CIA operatives on the ground. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re not even supposed to be hereâ&#x20AC;? an agent growls and not at Hillary Clintonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s packing it in while the attack was still happening or at whatever Barack Obamaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s orders were.

The film will ignore Hillary Clinton blaming a YouTube video while standing in front of four flag-draped coffins.

Hillary Clinton was declared the undisputed winner in her face-off with Republicans on the House subcommittee over the part she played during the Benghazi attacks of September 11, 2012.

But that was before an Optimus Primeâ&#x20AC;&#x201C; sized hole was blown right through her campaignâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s and the mediaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s narrative that Benghazi has finally been put to rest.

The bomb was the release of two new trailers for â&#x20AC;&#x153;13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi,â&#x20AC;? director Michael Bayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s action-heavy portrayal of events (already labeled â&#x20AC;&#x153;Bayghaziâ&#x20AC;? by the Internet), which hits theaters Jan. 15. Its pop-culture treatment of events that night will have people talking and debating in a way that all the Fox News specials and C-SPAN hearings in the world couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t. The recently released trailer has shown that no matter how scarce the names â&#x20AC;&#x153;Hillary Clintonâ&#x20AC;? and â&#x20AC;&#x153;Barack Obamaâ&#x20AC;? are in the film, their involvement in whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s depicted is unmistakable. The film is based on the Mitchell Zuckoff bestseller of the same name, which deals primarily with events on the ground that night, and the efforts of a small group of operators and security forces to extract their fellow Americans from the attacks.

To assume much about a film prior to its opening is a mistake (unless it involves Ben Affleck as Batman), but the trailer suggests that any viewers going in thinking this will finally be the 13 HOURS, continued on Page 11 comeuppance Obama and Clinton have 'PS BEWFSUJTJOH JOGPSNBUJPO DBMM t BEWFSUJTJOH!NJMJUBSZQSFTT DPN

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ARMY PAST PUTS FOOTBALL IN PERSPECTIVE

By J. Brady McCollough Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

W

hen Alejandro Villanueva returned to a victorious Steelers locker room in San Diego on Oct. 12, a congratulatory text message awaited him. The revelry that followed his teammatesâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; thrilling, lastsecond Monday Night Football comeback just getting started around him, he picked up his cell phone. The text was from AuNeta Southern. â&#x20AC;&#x153;We just watched the most exciting five seconds of a game weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve ever seen,â&#x20AC;? she wrote.

Down in North Texas, Southern was surprised to receive an almost immediate response from Villanueva, the Steelersâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; backup offensive tackle playing his first full season on the active roster. She knows she shouldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have expected any less, because ever since her nephew, Jesse Dietrich, was taken from her four years ago, Villanueva has gone above and beyond the call of duty to show her that he cares, that Jesseâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s memory lives on with him.

The night of Aug. 25, 2011 will be forever burned into his memory. A freshfaced West Point graduate and former Army football player, he was 22, serving as a 2nd lieutenant in Afghanistan. Stationed in the Kandahar Province, he was the rifle platoon leader of the 2nd Battalion, 87th Infantry Regiment, 3rd Brigade Combat Team. A firefight had broken out between the Taliban and Afghan civilians, and, in trying to protect them, Lt. Villanueva had unknowingly led his troops into an ambush. The Taliban was waiting in the dark for Villanueva, the 6-foot-9 man known as â&#x20AC;&#x153;The Giant,â&#x20AC;? and opened fire, wounding three soldiers. Two of them survived, but Pfc. Dietrich, 20, bled out through the hole in his back moments after Lt. Villanueva had carried him from

Former Army Ranger and Pittsburgh Steelers Offensive Tackle Alejandro Villanueva made his NFL debut Oct. 25 against the Kansas City Chiefs.

the fray and loaded him onto a helicopter. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Just by human nature,â&#x20AC;? Southern says, â&#x20AC;&#x153;he was in charge, so he felt like he was responsible.â&#x20AC;?

Four years later, after completing two more tours in Afghanistan as an Army Ranger, Villanueva, 27, is testing his limits in a much different way. With the Steelers, he just wants to blend in, to be one of the guys, to perform a task well and with precision. But even now, thousands of miles

away from the heroics and the horrors of war, the reminders of the past persist.

Because of an injury to Steelers left tackle Kelvin Beachum, Villanueva made the first start of his young NFL career Oct. 25 against the Chiefs. The visit to Kansas City also served as a reunion between him and Jeremy Simon, a Kansas City, Kan., native who was one of his early mentors in Afghanistan.

Less than a month after Pfc. Dietrich died, Staff Sgt. Simon was shot three times,

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and Lt. Villanuevaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s was the last face he remembered as he was loaded onto the helicopter. Staff Sgt. Simon nearly died twice, and Lt. Villanueva was given his dog tags and asked to prepare a memorial speech for his wife and two children. But Staff Sgt. Simon lived, and he watched his friend play against the Chiefs, his favorite team, from the stands of Arrowhead Stadium. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s going to be crazy,â&#x20AC;? said Simon before the game, now retired from the military.

To Villanueva, this latest twist of his remarkable journey fits right in with who heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s always been. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I love challenges,â&#x20AC;? he said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I love competing, finding new things to do that challenge me as a person, and I think this has been another great experience that has definitely challenged me. It hasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t been easy, but I didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t want it to be easy either.â&#x20AC;?

Villanueva credits his height with pushing him to excel at an early age; he didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t want to be that clumsy, abnormally tall boy. Born in Mississippi to natives of Spain â&#x20AC;&#x201D; his father, Ignacio, was serving in the United States as part of the Spanish Navy â&#x20AC;&#x201D; he came to the game of football late in high school. His natural gifts and his ambition to serve led him to West Point, where he played some defensive line and offensive tackle before, somewhat shockingly for a man of his size, switching to wide receiver his senior season.

West Point trained Villanueva to seek out challenges, and playing receiver at 6-foot-9 and 290 pounds qualified as that.

ARMY PAST, continued on Page 10 XXX NJMJUBSZQSFTT DPN t FEJUPSTEFTL!NJMJUBSZQSFTT DPN

Kobe Bryant needs to relinquish his tight grip on the Lakers offense.

Kobe dismantling Lakers, but not for the reasons you think spots. He is the teamâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s second-leading scorer behind Bryant, at 15.9 points per game.

Then there is the prize, 6-foot-5 left-handed The Los Angeles Lakersâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; ominous start point guard Dâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;Angelo Russell, taken second to the season should not come as a sur- overall last June from Ohio State.

While Randle and Clarkson are strugprise. Their three most important young players have less than a full NBA season gling with the actual definition of their of experience, while their future Hall of roles, Russell looks downright confused Famer, Kobe Bryant, has literally been in and lost when heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s on the floor. Head coach the league more than half his life. What Byron Scott â&#x20AC;&#x201D; a Kobe loyalist who played may be a surprise, however, is how the with him in LA â&#x20AC;&#x201D; hasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t the slightest clue 37-year-old Bryant is crippling the youth how to take the ball out of Kobeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s hands and give it to Russell. Russell was the best movement around him.

Long gone are the days when Bryant pure playmaker in the entire draft, a dycould violently attack the gym. What has namic open floor talent whose prodigious unfortunately supplanted those drives has passing allowed his stock to skyrocket, debecome a series of ineffective isolation spite question marks surrounding his promoves that typically result in one-and- longed defensive lapses. Moreover, in this done basketball: Bryant misses a bad shot, massive rebuilding season, Russellâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s minthe defense rebounds and he fails to re- utes are inconsistent at best. He hardly treat to stop the break. No second-chance ever plays in the fourth quarter, even when points, no real ball movement, no pressure the game is no longer in doubt.

The beauty of having young talent in on the defense â&#x20AC;&#x201D; and worst of all, the most this league is giving them the tools to de3-pointers heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s ever taken.

Through six games (he sat out one due velop. That is the head coachâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s responsibilto back pain), Bryant is enduring career ity. For Scott though, doing so -- especially lows in both field goal percentage (32 per- with his backcourt -- would be relinquishcent) and 3-point percentage (21 percent). ing a portion of Bryantâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s responsibilities, Maybe more troubling is his 5.5 free- something heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s clearly not willing to do. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Just trying to get him the ball in arthrow attempts per game, the lowest clip since his rookie season, way back in 1996. eas that I know heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s real comfortable getAnd therein lies the biggest issue with No. ting the ball,â&#x20AC;? Scott told NBA.com. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Then 24. Because he is unable to generate of- again, we canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t stand around and watch fense efficiently, he is forced to work that him either. We still got to move on the much harder for his points. And, because weak side, still got to set screens. We canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Kobe, heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not willing to deviate from just rely on it to be a home run.â&#x20AC;?

A â&#x20AC;&#x153;home runâ&#x20AC;? would be a low-20s usage what has always made him great â&#x20AC;&#x201D; makrate for Bryant. A grand slam would be the ing plays with the ball in his hands.

To the Lakersâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; credit, the front office has 28.7 rate â&#x20AC;&#x201D; tops on the team â&#x20AC;&#x201D; that the drafted three young prospects, all of whom Mamba currently has. This is a long seaappear to be oozing with potential. Julius son, and perhaps Bryant will come to unRandle, a former top-10 pick and tireless derstand how important his role is for this worker at power forward, broke his leg be- franchise moving forward, even if itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not fore last season but has played well so far what he hoped. Because while wins and this year. Jordan Clarkson was a second- losses always matter, the bigger picture round pick in 2014 and can play both guard here goes way beyond an 82-game record.

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By Jordan Schultz Huffington Post

/PW 5

TEDDY ROOSEVELT: THE NAVAL STRATEGIST T

heodore Roosevelt was among his eraâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s most influential naval strategists, who thought about the overall planning for the U.S. Navy, its use as a military and diplomatic force and the movement and disposition of the Navyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s assets. For decades, he strove tirelessly to transform the Navy into a highly capable instrument of an ambitious agenda to turn the U.S. into a great power.

He made his first contribution as a young amateur historian in the early 1880s and continued to influence U.S. naval strategy right up to his death in 1919.

As an undergraduate student at Harvard, Roosevelt started a serious study of the naval aspects of the War of 1812. He tirelessly pursued primary sources, including official papers and other original documents. He completed two chapters of what became The Naval War of 1812 while still at Harvard and finished the book in 1882 at age 24 â&#x20AC;&#x201D; in time for the 70th anniversary of the then-obscure warâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s start.

Prior to Rooseveltâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s work, serious studies had pegged the cause of the conflict as the failed U.S. foreign policy designed to avoid war, particularly war with Great Britain.

President Thomas Jeffersonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s isolationist

6 /PW

As president, Theodore Roosevelt sent the Great White Fleet of U.S. Navy ships around the world from 1907 to 1909.

foreign policy had been lauded, and historians tended to ignore the naval operations and focus on the land war.

Rooseveltâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s ambitious book redirected

scholarship about the war in several ways.

He brought it prominence. He focused attention on the exploits of naval officers, most notably in frigate battles on the

Atlantic and small boat heroics on the Great Lakes. Most importantly, Roosevelt started to articulate a theory that Americaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s greatness depended on the robust de-

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ployment of sea power. This vision caught the attention of Rear Admiral Stephen B. Luce and Captain Alfred T. Mahan, two important naval leaders and strategists whose own efforts would influence generations of diplomatic and military leaders.

Luce, Mahan and Roosevelt quickly recognized their common cause and cooperated to promote a navalist ideology that saw Americaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s great power destiny in the establishment and use of a blue-water fleet capable of operating in deep ocean waters.

As Assistant Secretary of the Navy in the feverish days following the sinking of the USS Maine in 1898, Roosevelt found opportunities to apply his theories. As acting secretary for only a few hours, he mobilized the navy for war with Spain. He ordered supplies and ammunition, sought support from Congress to recruit more sailors, and ordered the North Atlantic and Asiatic Squadrons to prepare for war. Rooseveltâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s aggressive actions set in motion the machinery that soon would lead to the conquest of Cuba, Guam and the Philippines. By that time, Roosevelt himself had assembled the Rough Riders and joined the land war in Cuba.

As president for nearly eight years, Roosevelt strove tirelessly to develop the navy as the â&#x20AC;&#x153;big stickâ&#x20AC;? of an increasingly ambitious U.S. foreign policy. Working with Congress and the service itself, he increased the size, armament, amour, speed, efficiency, and overall capacity of the Navy and its vessels. The squadron system gave

way to modern fleets, with coaling stations. Roosevelt deployed naval assets to cultivate American power, including in 1903, when he sent naval vessels to ensure that Panama would secede from Colombia â&#x20AC;&#x201D; paving the way for the Panama Canal,

â&#x20AC;&#x153;

We shall take leave to be strong upon the seas ... Our ships are our natural bulwarks.

â&#x20AC;?

â&#x20AC;&#x201D; President Theodore Roosevelt

which enabled the US Navy to concentrate its battle fleets quickly. Shortly thereafter, he earned a Nobel Peace Prize by successfully mediating the end of the Russo-Japanese War in 1905 at the Portsmouth Navy Yard with the deft support of key Navy assets. Rooseveltâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s deployments culminated in the cruise of the Great White Fleet, 16 battleships of the Atlantic Fleet that sailed around the world between December 1907 and February 1909 â&#x20AC;&#x201D; sending a clear signal that the U.S. had global reach and ambitions.

Rooseveltâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s legacy as a naval strategist is linked closely to the rise of the U.S. as a great power. More than any other individual, he was responsible for creation of the modern, blue-water U.S. Navy and its deployments to promote an ambitious foreign policy â&#x20AC;&#x201D; in the Caribbean, Asia and ultimately in Europe.

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â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;I am not in favor of having government do anything that private citizens can do as good or better.â&#x20AC;&#x2122; William Howard Taft 27th U.S. President Served March 4, 1909 â&#x20AC;&#x201C; March 4, 1913

Ray Harroun wins the first

James Sherman

Indianapolis 500.

Kingdom on June 22. t Leonardo da Vinciâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s â&#x20AC;&#x153;Mona Lisaâ&#x20AC;? is sto27th U.S. Vice President len Aug. 21 from the Louvre museum in Served March 4, 1909 â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Oct. 10, 1912 Paris by Vincenzo Peruggia; the theft is discovered the following day. t The French Navy ship LibertĂŠ explodes World events at anchor in Toulon, France on Sept. 25, t The United States and Canada announced the successful negotiation of their killing around 300 on both ship and the neighbouring area. first reciprocal trade agreement Jan. 26. t Italy declares war on Ottoman Empire t Mexican rebels take Agua Prieta on the on Sept. 29.

Sonoraâ&#x20AC;&#x201C;Arizona border on April 13; government troops take the town back April 17 when the rebel leader â&#x20AC;&#x153;Redâ&#x20AC;? LĂłpez is U.S. News drunk. t Eugene B. Ely lands on the deck of the t Pancho Villa launches an attack on May USS Pennsylvania stationed in San Fran8 against Mexican government troops in cisco harbor Jan. 18, marking the first time Ciudad JuĂĄrez without Maderoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s permisan aircraft lands on a ship. sion; the government troops surrender on t The Missouri State Capitol building in May 10. t George V is crowned King of the United

Jefferson City is entirely destroyed by fire after a bolt of lightning strikes the dome Feb. 5. t The United States Army adopts a new service pistol, the M1911 designed by John Browning on March 29. It remains the US service pistol for 74 years. t The record was set for the highest number of immigrants â&#x20AC;&#x201D; 11,745 â&#x20AC;&#x201D; being processed in a single day through the U.S. Bureau of Immigration station at Ellis Island on April 17. t The United States Supreme Court declares Standard Oil to be an â&#x20AC;&#x153;unreasonableâ&#x20AC;? monopoly under the Sherman Antitrust Act on May 15 and orders the company to be dissolved. t The very first Indianapolis 500 is held May 30, won by Ray Harroun at an average speed of 74.59 miles per hour.

Eugene B. Ely makes the first aircraft landing on a ship in Sa

Technology

t The first â&#x20AC;&#x153;quasi-officialâ&#x20AC;? airmail flight occurs Feb. 17 when Fred Wiseman carries three letters between Petaluma and Santa Rosa, Calif. The first official flight would take place Feb. 18 in India. t IBM is incorporated as the Computing Tabulating Recording Company in New York on June 15. t Worldâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s first combat aerial bombing mission takes place Nov. 1 in Libya during the Italo-Turkish War. Second Lieutenant Giulio Gavotti of Italy drops several small bombs. t Orville Wright remains in the air 9 minutes and 45 seconds in a glider at Kill Devil Hills, North Carolina on Oct. 24, setting a new world record that stands for 10 years. t Chevrolet officially enters the automobile market Nov. 3 to compete with the Ford Model T. t The Upton Machine Company, now Whirlpool Corporation, was founded in St Joseph, MI on Nov. 11.

Movies t t t t

â&#x20AC;&#x153;Danteâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Infernoâ&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;Homerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Odysseyâ&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;Pinocchioâ&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;The Neâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;er-Do-Wellâ&#x20AC;?

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BORN THIS YEAR: Ronald Reagan, U.S. president (Feb. 6). Above left: Jean Harlow, actress (March 3); Vincent Price, actor (May 27); Ginger Rogers, actress (July 16); Lucille Ball, actress (Aug. 6).

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t â&#x20AC;&#x153;Some of These Days,â&#x20AC;? Sophie Tucker t â&#x20AC;&#x153;Alexanderâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Ragtime Band,â&#x20AC;? Arthur Collins & Byron G. Harlan t â&#x20AC;&#x153;Come, Josephine, in My Flying Machine,â&#x20AC;? Ada Jones & Billy Murray t â&#x20AC;&#x153;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m Shy Mary Ellen, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m Shy,â&#x20AC;? Jack Pleasants t â&#x20AC;&#x153;O Meu Boi Morreu,â&#x20AC;? Eduardo das Neves t â&#x20AC;&#x153;Turn Your Light Off Mister Moon Man,â&#x20AC;? Nora Bayes & Jack Norworth t â&#x20AC;&#x153;Let Me Stay & Live in Dixieland,â&#x20AC;? Charles King & Elizabeth Brice t â&#x20AC;&#x153;Put Your Arms Around Me Honey,â&#x20AC;? Arthur Collins & Byron G. Harlan t â&#x20AC;&#x153;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m Falling in Love with Someone,â&#x20AC;? John McCormack t â&#x20AC;&#x153;Down by the Old Mill Stream,â&#x20AC;? Arthur Clough

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ARMY PAST Continued from Page 4

Of course, the biggest challenge he faced that year was deciding once and for all how he wanted to serve his country. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I wanted to be leading from the front,â&#x20AC;?

Villanueva said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Serving in the infantry is the highest honor in the military. I wanted to deploy.â&#x20AC;?

Upon arriving in Afghanistan, Villanueva, with his West Point pedigree, was chosen to lead his platoon. Proven soldiers like Staff Sgt. Simon, who was a decade his senior and had already served 15 months in Iraq, were suddenly under his command. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s usually a tough transition,â&#x20AC;? Simon said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;A lot of times we get guys who come in there and are like, â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m in charge. What I say goes.â&#x20AC;&#x2122; They donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t want to listen to the experience around them. He showed up and all of us were like, â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Wow, the size of this guyâ&#x20AC;Śâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; We didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know what to expect, but he was one of the few officers that was

willing to adapt his thoughts to what we were telling him.â&#x20AC;?

In the Kandahar Province, Lt. Villanuevaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s unit was charged with securing an area that had been ruled by the Taliban and help to rebuild it. The Afghan citizens had not dealt much with American forces at that point, and it was their job to build trust with the locals who had lived in fear for so long. Lt. Villanueva was well known to them from the start. â&#x20AC;&#x153;We would intercept messages on our radios, and youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d hear him referred to as â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;The Giant,â&#x20AC;&#x2122; â&#x20AC;? Simon said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;They would see him walking down the hill. They knew when we were coming. How he made it through, I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know.â&#x20AC;?

That Jesse Dietrich did not make it out of that ambush was heartbreaking for Lt. Villanueva, his first confrontation with the realities of war. There was only so much for which West Point could prepare him. â&#x20AC;&#x153;It was something that he definitely took very personal,â&#x20AC;? Simon said, â&#x20AC;&#x153;and itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s still very After graduating West Point, Alejandro Villanueva served three tours in Afghanistan as an Army Ranger.

close to him. That was definitely the thing that really made everything seem real.â&#x20AC;?

Soon after Southern and her husband, Rex, were informed of Jesseâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s death, Lt. Villanueva called the couple who raised their nephew from the time he was a boy to give his condolences. And on the oneyear anniversary of Jesseâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s death in 2012, Villanueva visited the Southerns in Texas on his own dime and made the trip to the ranch where he was buried. Villanueva stayed two nights at their home, sleeping in Jesseâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s bed. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s just a good soul,â&#x20AC;? Southern

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â&#x20AC;&#x153;

â&#x20AC;&#x153;The Vietnam veteran was a drafted guy,â&#x20AC;? said Bleier, who reached out to Villanueva early in his time in Pittsburgh. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Everybody was kind of vulnerable unless you got into the Reserve or National Guard. Now today we have an all-volunteer army. The people who fight today, as we say, are patriots.

You think differently about the people who fight today because they sign up. They want to be involved.â&#x20AC;?

Certainly, Villanueva has the respect of his teammates, too. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s something I couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t imagine doing,â&#x20AC;? said Steelers linebacker James

We need individuals like him to help secure the freedoms that we enjoy right now.

â&#x20AC;?

â&#x20AC;&#x201D; Steelers Linebacker James Harrison

said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;You hear people say the Army are Harrison, â&#x20AC;&#x153;and he did it, and enjoyed it, brothers for life, and when something and would be willing to do it again. We like this happens, you find out they really need individuals like him to help secure mean that. Over time, you think, well, the freedoms that we enjoy right now.â&#x20AC;?

For his part, Villanueva does not want thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s probably it, thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the last time youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll hear from him, but he hasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t forgotten. He any extra attention for it. In his view, there are men out there in Afghanistan right really does mean the world to us.â&#x20AC;?

Villanueva restarted his football career now putting themselves at risk â&#x20AC;&#x201D; brave in May 2014 with the Philadelphia Eagles, men like Jesse Dietrich, who would have playing defensive end. Steelers coach Mike turned 25 on Oct. 21.

Jeremy Simon, once told that he wouldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t Tomlin noticed him during a preseason game that August and, when the Eagles be able to pick up his kids again, spent nine cut him, the Steelers signed him to their months in physical therapy and now is close to full health. Villanueva ate dinner practice squad prior to the 2014 season.

The Steelers switched Villanueva with him in Kansas City the day before the to offensive tackle, hoping to take his game and introduced him to some of the obscene wingspan and mold him into a Steelers coaches and players, bringing his legit NFL player. In a little more than a old life and his new one together. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I told him from the beginning I was year, he has put on about 100 pounds and earned enough faith from the coaches to proud of him,â&#x20AC;? Simon said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;He didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t take the safe way and sit behind a desk get the start.

His story has resonated with many, and then go play in the NFL. [The Army] including former Steelers great Rocky Bleier, offered that to him, and he still chose to go who served in the Vietnam War before his put himself out there and risk all that. He did it the hard way.â&#x20AC;? pro football career took off in the 1970s.

XXX NJMJUBSZQSFTT DPN t FEJUPSTEFTL!NJMJUBSZQSFTT DPN

13 HOURS Continued from Page 3

But none of that may matter. Examining the scenes in the trailer alone points to a failure of leadership extending up the chain of command, which ends with Mrs. Clintonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s State Department and Barack Obamaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s apparent delinquency while resting for a campaign stop the next day, a campaign stop he did not cancel. The film will most likely lay blame on a big, mysterious, and complicated bureaucratic system of red tape that led to a string of intelligence failures without ever showing faces or revealing names.

Questions damning to Obama and Clinton are implicitly raised in the dialogue. One snippet from the trailer has someone under attack at the embassy begging the soldiers for â&#x20AC;&#x153;immediate assistance,â&#x20AC;? while another character demands that they wait, all delivered in typical over-the-top Michael Bay dramatics and punctuated with the gritty delivery of the order to â&#x20AC;&#x153;stand down!â&#x20AC;? from the station chief played by David Costabile. But we donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t actually know if a â&#x20AC;&#x153;stand downâ&#x20AC;? order was given that night by anyone, because, to this day, we still donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know what orders Barack Obama, our commander-in-chief, gave. â&#x20AC;&#x153;If you donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t send air support, Americans are going to dieâ&#x20AC;? another character warns. Air support was never sent, and Americans died. Why? A panicked voice on a radio proclaims, â&#x20AC;&#x153;If you do not get here soon, we are all going to die!â&#x20AC;? Forces never arrived. Why?

The filmâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s slug lines of â&#x20AC;&#x153;No supportâ&#x20AC;? and â&#x20AC;&#x153;The true story you were never toldâ&#x20AC;? are damning just by themselves, and thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s how the film can ultimately harm Hillary Clinton; it doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t even need to mention her name or Barack Obamaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s to simply remind casual observers of the indisputable facts: that four Americans were left to die, on the anniversary of Sept. 11, 2001, by a State Department and White House that seemingly couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t be

bothered in the middle of electioneering to deal with the crisis at hand. U.S. personnel on the ground were left to take matters into their own hands without U.S. military support. Why? To this day, the American public has zero answers. Ultimately, how well â&#x20AC;&#x153;13 Hoursâ&#x20AC;? performs at the box office will be a deciding factor in how much, as proClinton media like to declare, this is all behind her. The filmmakers and actors

on their media circuits will certainly declare this film was not made for political purposes and was instead crafted to show the incredible heroics of the men on the ground, and those men certainly deserve to be honored.

But as is clear from a simple twominute trailer, there will be inconvenient narratives that Hillary Clinton simply cannot avoid, even when the mythmakers are on her side.

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HAN SOLO Continued from Page 2

Han Solo.

The character came to mean so much to so many of us that we yearned for at least part of him to be real. Few people can attest to being pure-hearted heroes like Luke Skywalker, but weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve all got a little Solo in us: Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re reluctant do-gooders, at best. Like the Millennium Falcon pilot, we may be cynics, scoundrels, and scruffylooking, but (hopefully) weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re still lovable.

Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s why it stung so much when Ford showed scant affection for the smuggler â&#x20AC;&#x201D; and even smacked him around a bit â&#x20AC;&#x201D; over the years. He repeatedly said he wished Solo had been killed off in â&#x20AC;&#x153;Return of the Jediâ&#x20AC;? to give the final film in the original trilogy emotional gravity. He told NBCâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s â&#x20AC;&#x153;Todayâ&#x20AC;? back then, â&#x20AC;&#x153;I was glad to see that costume for the last time.â&#x20AC;?

12 /PW

The 73-year-old star has softened significantly now that the planet is beside itself awaiting his return in â&#x20AC;&#x153;Star Wars: The Force Awakens.â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;I was glad that the character was still alive for me to play in this new iteration,â&#x20AC;? he says.

If you spend any time with Ford, one simple reason for his long-standing discomfort with the role starts to reveal itself. Here is the hard truth that some, and Ford himself, may find difficult to accept: Harrison Ford is totally Han Solo.

First of all, thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the flyboy thing. Even Ford (grudgingly) admits thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a lot of real pilot in Solo. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Oh, I suppose thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a kind of pride in the mastery of a machine,â&#x20AC;? he allows.

The actor may be as proud of his various aircrafts as any fictional galactic pilot, but he doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t boast like Solo. Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s one area where they do part company. As he walks

around a restored 1929 biplane, giving a picnic table in the back of the hangar. quick tour of his gigantic toybox, he insists â&#x20AC;&#x153;A character that has a history and a potential, kind of a rollicking good movie he doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have a favorite. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I love the one Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m with,â&#x20AC;? he says of his ride for the audience, Steven Spielberg as various vessels. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I also have five kids, and a director â&#x20AC;&#x201D; whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not to like?â&#x20AC;?

All those things, minus Spielberg, also I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have a favorite kid. Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have a favorite ice cream, or a favorite movie.â&#x20AC;? apply to â&#x20AC;&#x153;Star Wars,â&#x20AC;? but maybe the whipFord then spots a metal toy plane in the cracking archaeologist is more fun to corner that Liam, his now-teenage son play because heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s so different. Familiarity with wife Calista Flockhart, used to ride breeds contempt. Maybe thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s simply around on when he was little. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Maybe that more of Ford in Solo, his first major film role, than heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d like to admit. one there,â&#x20AC;? he deadpans.

No doubt, the actor would scowl at this Ford does play favorites when it comes to his two most iconic characters. He has theory, but the similarities pile up.

Exhibit A: Everybody assumes Ford made no secret about preferring Indiana Jones to Han Solo, and heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s ready to put and Solo are both loners, but theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re far the fedora back on and jump into action from it. Solo â&#x20AC;&#x201D; despite his isolating name for â&#x20AC;&#x153;Indy 5â&#x20AC;? any time Steven Spielberg and â&#x20AC;&#x201D; is a gadfly who knows everyone and the gang at Lucasfilm decide to get the ball has been everywhere. Ford may project a gruff exterior, but he makes friends fast, rolling (so to speak.) â&#x20AC;&#x153;Oh, yeah. Yeah, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d love to do another especially if you know your way around â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Indiana Jones,â&#x20AC;&#x2122;â&#x20AC;? he says, sitting at a round the sky.

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Just before he was confirmed as part of what other injuries there were,â&#x20AC;? he says. â&#x20AC;&#x153;The Force Awakensâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;â&#x20AC;? cast, Ford showed â&#x20AC;&#x153;I was mostly concerned about the long up in London and was photographed ambulance ride to London.â&#x20AC;? The accident chatting with a helicopter pilot in happened at Pinewood Studios, about 20 Grosvenor Square. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d run into him miles outside the city. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I asked them to outside of the American embassy â&#x20AC;&#x201D; there bring my cell phone over.â&#x20AC;?

While Abrams strained his back trying was a helicopter sitting in the middle of this park,â&#x20AC;? he says. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the representative to move the door, Ford called his buddy for Bell Helicopter, and thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the kind from the park with the air ambulance. He I have, and he had been former head arranged his own medevac to the hospital. of Londonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s National Health Service Darth Vader might call thatâ&#x20AC;Ś destiny. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Pretty much is, yeah,â&#x20AC;? Ford says. helicopter ambulance service.â&#x20AC;?

Exhibit C: Ford doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t get all mistyExhibit B: Ford and Solo arenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t just good at making friends, theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re resourceful. On eyed about â&#x20AC;&#x153;Star Wars,â&#x20AC;? another trait the second day of shooting â&#x20AC;&#x153;The Force he shares with Solo. â&#x20AC;&#x153;He was always Awakens,â&#x20AC;? a door from the Millennium the cynical member of the original Falcon slammed down on Fordâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s leg, characters,â&#x20AC;? Ford says. â&#x20AC;&#x153;While we were breaking it. While director J.J. Abrams invited to engage on the questions of some and others tried to pry the massive chunk pretty arcane mysteries â&#x20AC;&#x201D; the Force and of metal off the wounded actor, Ford the mythology that surrounds it â&#x20AC;&#x201D; he was started thinking ahead. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I knew that my the guy who said, â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;What? Huh? Come on.â&#x20AC;&#x2122;â&#x20AC;? leg was likely broken, and I didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s what made the interplay between the 'PS BEWFSUJTJOH JOGPSNBUJPO DBMM t BEWFSUJTJOH!NJMJUBSZQSFTT DPN

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7676 Hazard Center Drive call 620 S. Melrose, Suite 101, 92108 ¡ 619-800-4449 24/7 92081 ¡ 760-201-9839 characters work, he says. â&#x20AC;&#x153;There was a callow youth, a beautiful princess, a wise old  warrior, and there was a smart-ass.â&#x20AC;?

Ford is definitely that last one. Asked if he watched the â&#x20AC;&#x153;Force Awakensâ&#x20AC;? trailer debut along with the rest of the world during halftime on Monday Night Football, he answers: â&#x20AC;&#x153;I was trying to watch the damn football game!â&#x20AC;? Only grudgingly does he admit that everything stopped for a moment at his home with Flockhart and their son while it aired. But just for a moment. â&#x20AC;&#x153;We were in the middle of preparing dinner and doing homework, andâ&#x20AC;Śâ&#x20AC;? He shrugs. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Just watching it over our shoulder.â&#x20AC;?

In that trailer, the know-it-all who once sneered at â&#x20AC;&#x153;hokey religions and ancient weaponsâ&#x20AC;? gravely informs John Boyegaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Finn and Daisy Ridleyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Rey: â&#x20AC;&#x153;Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s true. All of it. The dark side. The Jedi. Theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re real.â&#x20AC;?

Ford gets why that strikes a nerve. Is Solo

still the smart-ass, or has he become the wise old warrior? â&#x20AC;&#x153;No, thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not an abandoning of the character,â&#x20AC;? Ford says, more earnestly than youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d expect from Mr. I-Guess-WeWatched-The-Trailer. â&#x20AC;&#x153;He does not aspire to the position of Obi-â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Benâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Kenobi, nor do I aspire to be some New Age Alec Guinness. His development is consistent with the character, and there are emotional elements which have occasioned his growth.â&#x20AC;?

Fear not, though. Solo hasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t grown that much. He seems to still have money issues, for starters. â&#x20AC;&#x153;We spend a lot more time (in the movie) on his failure to master basic skills, like accounting,â&#x20AC;? Ford says, rubbing his thumb and forefinger together. â&#x20AC;&#x153;And accounting for his own behavior.

Thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a lot of the rogue still left in Solo.

Some things donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t change.â&#x20AC;? /PW 13

I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.

I said, â&#x20AC;&#x153;When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.â&#x20AC;?

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

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When our lawn mower broke and wouldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer ... always something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. â&#x20AC;&#x153;But officer,â&#x20AC;&#x2122;â&#x20AC;&#x2122; the man said, â&#x20AC;&#x153;I can explain.â&#x20AC;&#x2122;â&#x20AC;&#x2122; â&#x20AC;&#x153;Just be quiet!!!â&#x20AC;&#x2122;â&#x20AC;&#x2122; snapped the officer. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Or Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m going to let you cool off in jail until the chief gets back.â&#x20AC;&#x2122;â&#x20AC;&#x2122; â&#x20AC;&#x153;But officer, I just wanted to say...â&#x20AC;&#x2122;â&#x20AC;&#x2122; â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;â&#x20AC;&#x2122;And I said KEEP QUIET! Now youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re going to jail!â&#x20AC;&#x2122;â&#x20AC;&#x2122; A few hours later, the officer checked up on his prisoner. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Lucky for you the chief is at his daughterâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s wedding. Heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll be in a great mood She said, â&#x20AC;&#x153;You should have dropped when he gets here.â&#x20AC;&#x2122;â&#x20AC;&#x2122; Blonde vs. crime rate â&#x20AC;&#x153;Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t count on it,â&#x20AC;&#x2122;â&#x20AC;&#x2122; said the prisoner.

What did the blonde do when she your pants. You might have gotten disabilâ&#x20AC;&#x153;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m the groom.â&#x20AC;&#x2122;â&#x20AC;&#x2122; learned that 90 percent of all crimes occur ity too.â&#x20AC;?

And then the fight started ... around the home?

She moved.

Showing oneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s age

Stumpy-legged pink dog

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driverâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s license to verify my age.

I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Unbutton your shirt.â&#x20AC;?

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me,â&#x20AC;? and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

A guy walks into a bar with his dog on a leash the barman says, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Geez thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a weird dog: heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s stumpy-legged, pink, and doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have a tail, but I bet my rottweiler would beat the heck out of it.â&#x20AC;?

50 bucks is laid down. Out in the yard the rottweiler gets mauled to pieces.

Another drinker says his pit bull will win but the bet is 100 bucks.

Another trip to the yard and when itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s all over there are bits of pit-bull terrier all over the place. The drinker pays up and says, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Say what breed is that anyway?â&#x20AC;?

The owner says, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Until I cut his tail off and painted it pink it was the same breed as every other alligator.â&#x20AC;?

Getting older

You know youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve reached middle age when youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re told to slow down by your doctor instead of the police.

The Army hospital

14 /PW

An army major visits the sick soldiers, goes up to one private and asks: â&#x20AC;&#x153;Whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s your problem, Soldier?â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;Chronic syphilis, Sirâ&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;What treatment are you getting?â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;Five minutes with the wire brush each day.â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;Whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s your ambition?â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;To get back to the front, Sir.â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;Good man.â&#x20AC;? says the Major.

He goes to the next bed. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s your problem, Soldier?â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;Chronic piles, Sirâ&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;What treatment are you getting?â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;Five minutes with the wire brush each day.â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;Whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s your ambition?â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;To get back to the front, Sir.â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;Good man.â&#x20AC;? says the Major.

He goes to the next bed. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s your problem, Soldier?â&#x20AC;?

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â&#x20AC;&#x153;Chronic gum disease, Sirâ&#x20AC;?

Translating drunks â&#x20AC;&#x153;What treatment are you getting?â&#x20AC;?

No, really, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m OK to drive. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Five minutes with the wire brush each â&#x20AC;&#x201D; Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m wasted, but Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m too embarrassed day.â&#x20AC;? to have anybody see who Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m taking home â&#x20AC;&#x153;Whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s your ambition?â&#x20AC;? with me. â&#x20AC;&#x153;To get the wire brush before the other â&#x20AC;&#x153;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m not used to these darts.â&#x20AC;? two, Sirâ&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x201D; Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m not used to throwing anything smaller than a pool cue when Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m this bombed.

Blind parachutist â&#x20AC;&#x153;You get this one, next round is on me.â&#x20AC;?

A blind man tells his friend how much â&#x20AC;&#x201D; One of us is going to pass out before he enjoys parachuting. â&#x20AC;&#x153;My hand is placed on my release ring, and then they place me itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s time for another round. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve had like 10 beers already.â&#x20AC;? in the door and tell me when to jump. Out â&#x20AC;&#x201D; Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve only had three beers, but I need I go!â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;But how do you know when to lift your an excuse to behave this way. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m out of here. I have to work in the legs for the final arrival on the ground?â&#x20AC;? morning.â&#x20AC;? ask his friend. â&#x20AC;&#x201D; I owe $100 to the guy who just â&#x20AC;&#x153;Oh,â&#x20AC;? replies the blind man, â&#x20AC;&#x153;as soon as walked in the door and Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve been avoiding the dogâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s leash goes slack.â&#x20AC;? him since football season.

Why so much milk?

A milkman gets an order for 45 pints of milk. Puzzled, he decides to ask the customer if this is a mistake.

When he knocks on the door, a woman comes out wearing just a bath towel, and she confirms that she wants 45 pints. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Milk baths are good for your skin,â&#x20AC;? explains the woman. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Oh, OK,â&#x20AC;? replies the milkman. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Do you need it pasteurized then?â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;No,â&#x20AC;? says the woman. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Up to my breasts will be fine.â&#x20AC;?

Golfer in trouble

A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife,â&#x20AC;? he tells the doctor, â&#x20AC;&#x153;when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for it, and I noticed one of the cows had something white in its rear end.

I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was my wifeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s golf ball stuck right in the cowâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s butt. Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s when I made my mistake.â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;What did you do?â&#x20AC;? asks the doctor.

Pea soup vs. roast beef â&#x20AC;&#x153;Well, as I was standing there holding Whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the difference between pea soup up the tail, I yelled to my wife, â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Hey, this and roast beef? looks like yours!â&#x20AC;&#x2122;â&#x20AC;?

Anyone can roast beef.

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