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Just for

Laughs Heaven is purrrfect

One day a cat dies of natural causes and goes to heaven. There he meets the Lord Himself. The Lord says to the cat, “You lived a good life and if there is any way I can make your stay in Heaven more comfortable, please let me know.” The cat thinks for a moment and says, “Lord, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor.” The Lord stops the cat and says, “Say no more,” and a wonderful fluffy pillow appears. Several days later, six mice are killed in a tragic farming accident and go to heaven. Again there is the Lord there to greet them with the same offer. The mice answer, “All of our lives we have been chased. We have had to run from cats, dogs and even women with brooms. Running, running, running —

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we’re tired of running. Do you think we could have roller skates so we don’t have to run anymore?” The Lord says, “Say no more,” and fits each mouse with beautiful new roller skates. About a week later the Lord stops by to see the cat and finds him snoozing on the pillow. The Lord gently wakes the cat and asks him, “How are things since you are here?” The cat stretches and yawns and replies, “It is wonderful here. Better than I could have ever expected. And those ‘Meals On Wheels’ you’ve been sending by are the best!”

Winning the argument

The other day, Louise and I got into some petty argument. (I say it was petty. She would have said it was Armageddon.) As is our nature, neither of us would admit the possibility that we might be in error. To her credit, Louise finally said, “Look. I’ll tell you what. I’ll admit I’m wrong if you admit I was right.” “Fine,” I said. She took a deep breath, looked me in Gen. Wheeler.” the eye and said, “I’m wrong.” “I’m sorry, I can’t let you through. You’ve I grinned and replied, “You’re right.” got to have a sticker on the windshield.” The general said, “Drive on!” The sentry said, “Hold it! You really First day A new soldier was on sentry duty at the can’t come through. I have orders to shoot main gate. His orders were clear — no car if you try driving in without a sticker.” The general repeated, “I’m telling you, was to enter unless it had a special sticker on the windshield. A big Army car came son, drive on!” The sentry walked up to the rear winup with a general seated in the back. The dow and said, “General, I’m new at this. sentry said, “Halt, who goes there?” The chauffeur, a corporal, says, “It’s Do I shoot you or the driver?”

— Don W., Sherman, TX

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Military Press, Feb. 1, 2019  

Military News, Sports and Entertainment for Navy, Marines, Army and Air Force Active Duty, Retired and Veterans.

Military Press, Feb. 1, 2019  

Military News, Sports and Entertainment for Navy, Marines, Army and Air Force Active Duty, Retired and Veterans.