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MSA: College Republicans ·No Longer Recognized as a Student Group Cites "Falsified" Documents As Reason For Decision By

Vice-President Andy Coulouris, "both the Leadership Directive [a fledgling student group co-founded by CR President Ro ry Diamond] and the College Republicans were wrong. The social securiry numbe.s were wrong, all the signers except for Rorj' were falsified. There [wasn't] mllrh we could do except say there's a problem, bur later that day we were able 1O verify thar it was falsified. "He cited a forwarded e· mail he received as proof (Mr. CouloUl is did not respond to Review request~ for a copy of the incriminating e-mail). III rhis e-mail, Mr. Coulourisclaims, Mr. Diamond admits to submitting an inaccurate application. When asked by the Review


FEW WEEKS AGO, THE Michigan Student Assembl y (MSA) de-recognized the College Republicans (CR) as a student group. The Assembly took thi's action after discovering certain irregularities in the CR's annual ap plication to reapply for MSA group status, a procedure every student o rganization (including the Michigan Review) con ducts yearly. The application required the names, social security numbers, and signatures of five CR members, to demonstrate the group's continued existence on campus. According to MSA


Another "Day of Action" Approaches wrote that "Yesteryear civil rights organizations fought against the use of race in hiring, access to public schools, and universiry admissions. Today, civil rights organizations fight for the use of race in hiring, access to public schools, and university admissions. Yesteryear, civil rights organizations fought against restricted association in the forms of racially segregated schools, libraries, and private organizations. Today, they fight for restricted associations. They use state power, no unlike the racists they fought, to enforce racial associations they deem desirable . They protest that blacks should be a certain percentage of a student bod}', and even a certain percentage of an advertiser's



N OCTOBER 21, MEMBERS of the Coalition to Defend Affirmative Action Any Means Necessary (BAMN) and their supports will take over the Diag to '. . . " "



COlTlmentary )

rally the ,so ( called ann-affirmatIve .' , . action in education" backlash that has surged across America in recent years. As stated in a BAMN flier, advertising the event, 'The purpose of the day will be to build the struggle to save the gains of the Civil Rights Movement." The organizers have declared a goal of creating a student movement powerful enough to defend race based admissions. Perhaps black syndicated columnist Walter Williams said it best, when he


Serpent's Tooth

See DAY OF ACTION, Page 10


In honor of the recent Coming Out Week, see our picks for the top ten movies that sound like gay porn, but aren't! .. ,~


An increase to the mandatory studentfee? The nuclear test ban treaty? Find out the pros and cons to each ...

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why he submined an inaccurate application, Mr. Diamond responded that "I had an hour and I didn't know the rules. " As a consequence of the de-recogni,iO,l, the eR's cannot ~eceive any MSA money 1<.;1' ~he entire school year, nor may !hey r<,~ e rvc a !'Oom at the Michigan Or.ion, if: ,ddition, they were expelled from their ",ffiee space in the Union. However, M~. Coulouris points out (h'l£ :h~y arc welcome to reapply as a student ijfOUp next year, and, in the meantim e, can reapp ly as a student group using a different name (i,e. they can call them selves anything except the "College Republicans.")

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l\1SA Releases Internal Budget By





N SEPTEMBER 28, 1999, the Michigan Student Assembly (MSA) approved its budget for the 1999-2000 academic year. MSA's income totaled $529,938 with a large portion of the earnings ste mming from $415,370 in collected student fees. The revenue was further fortified by earned interest ($3, 000), department activity ($1,000), ,wd a robust surplus from last year ($110.568). After expenditures were subtracted (child care, general reserves, capital goods reserve, and transfer to the Ann Arbor Tenants' Union), MSA was left with $399,645 ~o cover maintenance costs and to dole out funds for its subordinate bodies. Payroll expenses jumped $2,000 fO total $64,000 this year while spending on operations was pared down to $22,040, continuing the- trend of cost cutting that was interrupted last year by a $:=,,250 in-

Review Columnists


Publisher Jake makes a case to free Pinochet; Editor Matt laments our society's horrid, indecent pop culture. .,;.""

Yet, even given these methods of lessening the sanction, C R Vice-President Ann Yeager (an occasional contributor to the Review) still feels MSA treated her group unfairly. "In effect, they have taken it upon themselves to confiscate the office and funds of U-M's oldest student group, which comprises some 300 members," she said. "By their actions, MSA s Iradership seeks to punish not only the individual who committed the error, but all of otlr other members as well" (emphasis added) , However, Mr. Coulouris disputes

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, . crease tn operating expenses. The heads of MSA's various committees and commissions greeted the new fiscal with enthusiasm and a re earmarking their funds for ambitious projects for the coming year. When asked about her commission's $5,610 increase in funding, Environmental Issues Commission chair Brianne Haven responded, "We are having a speaker skills tour which environmental act ivists are coming into the Un iversiry to teach the environmental groups to be berter organizers. We are also doing more professional development skills and we are focusing on giving more money to the environmental groups to do more things." In rum, Health Issues Commission (HIC) chair Jen Seamon plans to use her commission's bolstered assets to

News & Views

Pete Singer; Quayle's departure; Nukes; El Senor Guipe; Football Picks ... all in all, a great tiInefor everyone! :)t>...

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Living Culture

No more lesbian movie reviews, but we do have some more wine for you, followed by an evening at the Earle!




Two weeks ago, our campus celebrated "Memal JIlness Awareness Week, " or something like that (to be honest, we can't keep track of all these damn "Awareness Weeks"). Three days later, the happy folks on the Diag commemorated "National Coming Our Day. " Serpent's Tooth wonders if the sequential, close proximity of th e evems was coincidemal.

In honor of Nation al Coming Ou t Day, we present rhe top ten mov ies that sound like gay porn but aren't: 10. Die Hard

9. Pee-Wee's Big Advemure 8. The Man With a Golden Gun 7. Boys on the Side 6. Spaceballs 5. Mob), Dick ,L Unlawful Entry 3. Free Willy 2. T itanic (oops .. ac rually is gay porn ) 2. Deep Impact I. Above the Rim

And, for an encore: the top three songs that sound like gay porn, but aren't:

3. She'll be Coming 'Round the Mountain 2. Are You Going- to San Fransisco? 1. Great Balls of Fire

And, because we're on a roll , the top three 1V shows':

3. Diff'rem Strokes 2. Dragnet

In this issue's interview with Libertarian City Council candidate Charles Goodman, Mr. Goodman spoke of how the Libertarian candidates got together and established a "joint platform," which, judging by his policy suggestions, clearly places the emphasis on the "joint."

On a related note , isn't it rath e r ironic that the Libertarians - the supposed party of individual free choice would get together and dictate rhe po licies that all its candidates must support ? Repeat after me boys and girls: "We are all individuals."

Have you noticed the plethora of signs around campus asking: "Do you believt' in God?" and then "Are you a C hristian '" We at Serpent's thought o f an idea for a new sign : "Do you believe in D og? Are you a dyslexic? " ·

Snpent's Tooth has just learned fh at Gov. Tom Ridge has once again semenced Mumia Abu-Jamal to death ... by beheading. Well, okay, not really by beheading. Still, with this being his fiftieth death warrant, the only issue yet unresolved is ... how do YOll wam your Black Panther, will that be regular or exrra crispy, sir?

The university has announced that it will display an exhibition tided "Womyn in Pants. " To spice it up, Serpent's Tooth recommends the theme song from "Robin Hood, Men in Tights."

T I II- 'I H

Serpent's Tooth recentl y got three free computers fro m the University. As such, we are holding an auction to get rid o f our old, crummy Macintosh LCs. But this won't just be any auction ; this will be an affirmative auction, meanin g the computers will go to the most diverse bidder! (Note: if you are a black, blind, hermaphroditic rransgendered necrophiliac in a wheelchair, you will automatically qualify as the most diverse bidder.)

MSA Rackham Representative Jessica Currin recendy deplored the low quality of academic advising at the University, which often leads to students taking years to decide on their major. As a result, MSA Prez Bram (rhymes with "Mom") Elias h as scheduled an " LSA Concentration Fair" to occur on Oct. 20. This is actually a modification from Currin's original proposed tide of the "LSA Concentration C amp."

This year marks the twentieth ann iversa!)' of the Islamic revolurion in lran. Who says studen t m ove mcn rs nev er amount to anything?

Top 3 Jessica Marley Curtin anagrams: 3. Saucy, criminal jester. 2. An anless, juicy crime.

And our fovorite ... 1. JUSt relay nice racism.

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The Campus Affairs Journal of the University of Michigan "Sometimes dialing 9-1-1 can be useless."

Matthew S. Schwartz Editor-in-Chief

And to show that we're impartial, hete are some more anagrams of various U-M organizations and personalities:

Jacob F.M. Oslick Publishel; Managing Editor

R. Colin Painter You can "v iew the rich enigma" at the offices of "The 1~1ichigan Review," or just send the Review some food - we love "receiving white ham. " Don't wam to give us anything? You should. "White chairmer. give" us Things all the time ... hmm .. .. Eve r met Review Publisher "Jacob Fleeman Mordechai Oslick"? "He's a t!ckle, d rab econom ic major." (Really!) Did yo u know that Review Managing Editor "Ryan Colin Painter" is a ",y rannic, open liar"? We did. What's more, we saw !tim w;;lking around the Diag during National Coming Our Day, shouting to all the passersby, "I try nice anal porn!" Hmmm .....

And, did you know that "Luke Massie, Curtin's Biatch" is actually a "sick, subhuman. elite racist"? We did. That guy is no saint. In fact , he's about as "saintlike as this cucumber." And you know how he often needs a haircut? Well maybe he can try one of those "muckiest, lesbian haircuts." After all, right now his "inestimable haircuts suck." We at the Review don't like running into him. Whenever we see him, we blurt out, "Curse it! Sick, bestial human ... "

1. The Dick Van Dyke Show

By the same token, we offer our condolences to one of our unfortunate freshman staffers who happened to walk by the Diag wearing a red shirt that day. He was minding his own business, not really bothering anyone, when he suddenly heard someone shout, " He wants it, guys! " LuckilYI he was able to outmuscle his pursuers and make it home safely. Dammit, can't we be tolerant of the clothing choices practiced by proud , unrepentant heterosexuals?

- October2(),-lm]


And just for kicks, we decided to see if there was a profound anagram for the last names of aU the Review ed-board members: "Schwartz, Oslick, Painter, Yeh, Guipe." And actually, there is . See, we often burn the Dai0' for "crazy, witchlike h eating purposes," i.e. to keep warm in our subzero-temperature office in the League. Last but no t least: We bet you didn't know tha t your "U-M President Lee C. Bollinger" is actually "terrible, golden , pcn:k scum." We did.

Anyone else you want "anagrammed" on the pages of the Review? Let us know:

Managing Editor

JamesYeh National Affai rs Editor


William Wetmore Scott Behna" J ustln Wilson Astrid Phillips Rabeh Sooft Michael Rosen Julie Jeschke

5.'TAFF WRITERS: Hal Borkow, Brian Cook, Odp Englander, Dan Keebler, Ryan McClarren, Curt Robertson, Ann Yeager


c.J. Carnacchlo Lee Bockhorn Benjamin Kepple

The Michigan Review is the independent, student-run journal of conservati ve and libertarian opinion at the University of Michigan. We neither solicit nor accept monetary donations from the U-M. Contributions to the Michigan Review are tax-deductible under Section 501 (cX3) of the internal Revenue Code. The Review is not affiliated with any political party or university political group. " Unsigned editorials represent the opinion of the editorial board. Ergo. they are unequivocally correct and just. Signed articles. letters. and cartoons represent the opinions of the author and not necessarily those of the Review. The Serpent's Tooth shall represent the opinion of individual anonymous contributors to the Review, and should not necessarily be taken as representative of the Rt>View's editorial stance. The opinions presented in this publication are not necessarily those of the advertisers or of the University of Michigan. We welcome letters, articles. and comments about the journal. Everyone, go ahead and wish a great big "Happy Birthday" to the Review' s Editor·in-Chief, who turns the ripe old age of 20 on October 2 I Sl. Please send presents to him at the address below (no mail bombs, please), and feel free to buy him one of those BaUey ' s Irish Cream and White Chocolate cakes at A me r's .... mmmmmmm, saluratedjat.... Please address all advertising, subscription inquiries. and issue payments to Publisher clo ·the Michigan Revie ..... Editorial and Business Offices: The Michigan R,,'iew

911 N. University Avenue, Suite One Ann Arbor, MI 48109·1265 letlt'rs hlfp:liwtt'l\" Tel. (734) 647-8438 • Fax (734) 936-2505 Copyright C 1999 The Michigan Review, Inc. All rights .....rved. The MiclUgtuJ R",i.", Is .....m ...r of the Collegiate Network.

Love us or hate us, write us. with subject, "Letter to the Editor"

Then check out our web site:


Or send mail to: The Michigan Review 911 N . University Ave. Ann Arbor, MI 48109

Review Article "Degraded" Women Athletes JUST GOT DONE READING AN extremely degrading article ("U-M Loses $7 M to Women 's Sports ," 6 Oct. 1999). Let me just correct a few of your statements... You write: "Men have more interest in sports ... Biologically, male athletes are generally more powerful." To that, I simply invite you to look into the varsity weight room and look at the power of the female athletes here. Then you go on to degrade the soccer team, stating that they just kick the soccer ball through mud puddles. I really don't think that is how they play, and if you went to a game you would see that there is a ton of skill brought out in these women, along with a great amount of intensity! I can speak about the women's crew team, and just give you an insight as to the intensity that they train at EVERY MORNING AND AFTERNOON!!!! They begin with their alarm going off at 5:30 a.m., and go out to the lake. If the time hasn't turned the average person away then the cold weather will. Every day they don't just "hold a paddle" but instead train with one common goal: TO WIN A NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP. And let me state that this is what the team strives for after being varsity for only four years. Instead of just reading the numbers on the web site, you might want to look into what they mean. The varsity squad is made up of a number of very highly recruited athletes! You are right that the novice squad is a chance for extremely dedicated, driven and intense athletes to try rowing. Rowing is not common in high school for many reasons, one being that the muscles that are used in rowing do not develope until later in a women's life. Before judging what the women's crew team is made up of, and their work ethic, I invite you to travel their road for just one week. Not to degrade any team here, but you will find that the crew team is highly respected within the athletic department for it work ethic - even over some high-revenue male teams. I hope you look into the facts a little more befo re making such o utl~ndish claims, and degrading so many dedicated athletes!


Caroline Gregory LSA student and crew team member

Behnan: "Wake up and smell the coffee"


AKE UP SCOTT! Women make up 52 percent of the population; you are the

women's athletics have been at the university for only 27 years, whereas men's athletics have been funded for at least twice as long. When there is a possibility of scholarships in college, there quickly becomes a high school market. To single out crew as an example of "squandered money" is completely inaccurate. This team has been in the top five teams in the nation for the past two years (out of three fully funded years as a varsity team). If Scott knew anything about rowing, he might have decided to use the word "' ,.,.--' "oar" instead of / " , ~"paddle," which is " ~""'" what kayakers ~L "'- - -,. '" and canoers ----~'-':..:~ ,.--" ' -::77""""-:-~" "" - ,,,'" use. ~'-, '" The novIce

minority group member! Also, women pay a large share of the taxes and should expect a large slice of the pie. You note that biologically, male athletes are generally more powerful... so what, who cares? The University is not in the business of furthering the professional ambitions of male athletes. That is why there are farm teams! As for the struggling coal miner, would he not be even better off if his tax dollars are not expropriated by male jocks who hope to strike it rich in the professional sports racket. In short, Scott, WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE. -Anonymous , ~





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Behnan Doesn't Know What He's Talking About THINK THAT FROM THIS article Scott believes that he knows a lot more about women's athletics than he actually does. Several universities across the country are adding women's athletic teams to meet title IX quotas, even when there is not interest in these sports. This is obviously not an effective way to deal with these issues, but that is not the case for the majority of women's"athletic teams. I doubt that the men's athletic teams that are being cut from the universities are money generators. Hence, the financial issue should be inconsequential. The problem seems to be that women's sports - which have little interest (in Scott's opinion) - are being chosen over men's teams that have been providing an athletic arena for male high school students. What Scott neglects to mention is that

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squad, which recruits offcampus, is separate from the varsity team. (This is where the 80% figute is from). I don't think Scott realizes the extent to which this team practices, or the number of people who have been on this team that have gone on to national and Olympic teams. To demean the hard work that these women are doing by saying they don't deserve to compete is ridiculous. Moreover, "Crew" is older than many of the sports played at the university (volleyball, basketball, and baseball, for example) . Taking qUOtes out of context by women's organizations is unnecessary to promote Scott's unfounded views. The poin t these women were trying to make is that women should not be forced into athletics when they are not interested, and that the women winning the world cup in front of a big crowd does not change the athletics of thousands of women across the country (or 529 students here). I suggest Scott attend some of the practices of the women's teams on this campus before writing a disgusting article like this o ne, intended to make people feel outrage or shame for allowing female athletes to have the same opportunities as male athletes have had fo r over 75 years. Erin Gasser LSA Student

Mr. Behnan responds: In response to Ms. Gregory's letter, I have to say that j agree with her arguments indeed, there are many women who are quite fost and powerful (many of whom could stuff my meager 5 '8", 140 pound frame down the garbage disposal with ease), and members of the women's crew do train hard. However, the purpose of the article

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was not to argue that women shouldn't play sports; rather, it was to criticize Title IX which forces ath!etic departments to equally fund men's and women's sports. I find this unjust, since there is obviously a highn- demand for men's sports. Secondly, whi!e it is true that many women are strong, it is also true that the athletic records for speed, strength, endurance, and overall participation are all held by men, by for. Another pressing issue is the distribution of money. just because the women's crew team padd!es in swift strokes, that does not mean they necessarily merit millions of dollars in cash. For example, right now I could get a bunch of friends together, and we could "work hard" climbing a tree. Do we deserve a million dollars for the men's tree-climbillg team? Probably not. In general, we should always encourage women and men to play sports for fitness, competition, and fun. However, laws of economics dictate that since there is a higher demand for men's sports, the athletic department should devote most of its budget to men's athletics. - Scott Behnan

Tiger Stadium Will be Missed


MOST CERTAINLY AGREE with Mr. McClarren's thoughtful article, "The End of an Era" (6 Oct. 1999). Yes, The Corner, on Michigan and Trumbell, is cer ,ainly a home anointed by the baseball gods. Who can forget Ty Cobb, Ted William, and Willie Mays? Even the Tigers of today, such as Tony Clark, Damion Easiy, and Davy Cruise, will miss The Corner. The wonderful history at the corner of Michigan and Trumbell will be missed. That stadium belongs in the University of Michigan Museum of Art. jimmy Boynton U-MAlumnus

What do you think? We know you have strong opinions ... sO' why don't you go ahead and send us a letter? The e-mail address is easy to remember: letters@ michiganre vie w. com

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MSA Must Not Increase Student Fee


ITHIN THE NEXT FEW WEEKS, THE U .S. SUPREME COURT WILL deliver a ruling in the potentially landmark Board of Regents v. Southworth case. If the Court upholds the verdict rendered by the district and circuit couns, manda[Ory student activity fees at all state universities across the country, including the University of Michigan, will cease [0 exist. Yet despite this impending ruling - which co uld fundamentally alter how the Michigan Student Assembly (MSA) receives the money [0 fund student groups - MSA may once again consider a resolution [0 raise student fees. The bill, aurhored by MSA Rep. Glen Roe, would increase each student's semesterly fee by an additional 25 cents to finance a new club sports fund. While we at the Review consider club spons a rather innocuous use of srudent resources, compared [0 funding the local Maoist rabble-rousers in BAMN and RAIL, we nevertheless strongly oppose this measure, and consider it remarkably ill-timed due [0 the impending Supreme Court Case.

Reason Has Prevailed

This is the time to draw up contingency plans to raise revenue in case the Court prohibits mandatory student fees; not the time to become even more dependent on a soon-to-vanish money pot.

Senate GOP

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Test Ban Treaty


This is, after all, a time when MSA should be drawing up contingency plans, [0 raise revenue in case, as it likely, the Court sides with Wisconsin student SCO[( Sourhworth, and against the types offees MSA charges. It i~ not the opportune time [0 cause student organizations [0 become even more dependent on a soon-[O-vanish money por. Instead of raising fees on every srudent on campus to fund the activities of a select few, MSA should instead encourage srudent organizations, including the club spons teams, to begin fundraising efforts, such as cleaning Crisler arena or holding can drives. This would give student groups the power [0 maintain their activities in a post-Southworth world. Even more serious, MSA's consideration of this proposal now suggests a worrisome possibility: MSA, so dependent on student fees, might ignore any Supreme Court directive, believing their own efforts at social control superior in moral worth to the U.S. Constitution. In a recent Michigan Daily story, MSA President Bram Elias effectively conveyed this message, and the Dai~y reported his belief that since "the Universir}, allows students [0 voice their opposition [0 the assembly's funding of certain groups" even the possible need for a "partial fee reimbursement" disappears. Of course, as Mr. Elias surely knows, (his is pure hogwash. Me. Southworth is not suing because W isconsin denies him the right to speak, or oppose srudent group funding. Rather, the funding itself is the issue, the unconstitutional (according to cwo cou rts) practice of a state university funding political and other groups deemed objectionable by its srudents. There also remains a minor issue requiring discussion: The fee increase, as currendy proposed , would go exclusively towards club spons. If club spons teams were excluded from the general MSA budget, the Budget and Priorities Commirree (BPC) budget, and others, perhaps such an idea might appear reasonable. In reality, of course, club sportS teams may apply for money through a host of MSA Commirree budgets, especially the BPe. In fact , in the preliminary BPC budget this semester, the Tennis Club, the Waterski Club, and the Sailing Team, among many others, receive substantial funding - up [0 $700! When compared to center-right political organizations, such as Students For Life, [0 whom. the BPC alloned a measly $10, we clearly see that no "crisis" exists in club sports funding. It certainly does not require a new, special fund, or fee increase on the entire student body. Since their election last Spring, this incarnation of MSA, headed by Mr. Elias and VP Andy Coulouris, has been a pleasant surprise. Ignoring the predictable, yet deplorable behavior of Jessica Curtin and her cohortS, MSA has generally taken the moderate course. We've witnessed no resolutions trying [0 dictate Iraqi policy [0 the U.S. government, and seen at least spirited debate, as opposed [0 total surrender, on whether to suppOrt Ms. Curtin's "Day of Action" to defend racial preferences. Sadly, as this fee proposal indicates, they are now moving in the wrong direction. Such a proposed increase sets MSA on a dangerous course towards blatantly defying the U.S. Supreme Court, while extracting srudent money for an unnecessary cause. It must be defeated soundly. Mt 1 n.l t1t' ~ J) r ti


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NTHURSDAY, OCT. 15 , IN A PARTISAN VOTE, THE UNITED STATES Senate voted nor to ratify th'e Comprehensive Test Ban Treaty. The news surprised no one, for the GOP had threatened for some time they would kill the treaty. However, many foreign leaders, including a three-way French, German, and British delegation lobbying for the treaty in Washington, expressed dismay over what they felt was a severe setback for world peace and nuclear disarmament. Let's look at the "world peace" the French and Germans are talking about. Pakistan's democratic government was just toppled by a military coup. India, Pakistan's longtime rival (they've fought three wars since 1947, and both are rogue nuclear powers), responded by putting its military on high alert and issuing provocative warnings to the new Pakistani regime. Iraqi and Iranian attempts to get nuclear weapons and ballistic missiles to deliver them are well-known, and states like China and N . Korea are willing to deliver such technology, courtesy of their spy rings in {he United States. The politically unstable Russia possesses a huge nuclear stockpile, and has a history of belligerence against its own states, such as the Muslim-dominated state of Chechnya, and even against its own parliament, the Duma. The world has become increasingly unstable since the end of the Cold War, and the fall of Russian hegemony over its half of the globe has led to an increase in feuding in former Soviet-sphere areas like Bosnia, Serbia, Chechnya, etc. With every cwo-bit warlord atound the world trying to get a piece of the nuclear pie, is it really wise to listen to the peace-dove gibbering of the pansy "sack Paris, please" French? It's easy for the Europeans to beg for peace - they don't have thousands of troop's stationed in South Korea defending the civilian government against the saber ratding Chinese and North Koreans. They are also comfortably under the protection of the NATO (read: American) nuclear deterrent umbrella, and are jealous of U.S. economic power and military prestige. The GOP in the Senate made the right decision . The U.S. cannot afford to sit on the sidelines while belligerent and anti-American states test nuclear weapons in secret. The only countries that would actually follow the treaty anyway would be the U.S. and her allies like Britain. Why should we limit ourselves while other countries are doubling and tripling efforts to close the nuclear gap and ropple American nuclear supremacy? Pakistan and India have already proven how far a rogue state nuclear state can destabilize a region, so how can Democrats defend further test bands and halts to bomb research? Make no mistake: the U.S. has many enemies, and if we stop testing, they will close the nuclear gap. China is expected to have a stockpile of over 800 nuclear w'arheads by 2010, compared to the U.S. total of a little over 3,000. Democrats want our stockpiles further reduced, and a test ban would mean that those stockpiles would become increasingly obsolete and undependable. The alternative to this dim future is considerably brighter. U.S. anti-ballistic missile research is moving at a brisk clip, the new Theatre High Altitude Air Defense missile, or THAAD, has shown increasing reliability during its tests. Anti-ballistic laser technology also looks increasingly promising, as well as inexpensive. Ifrhe U.S. creates an anti-missile umbrella to add to its impressive nuclear deterrent stockpile, it will be in a far better position to dictate policy to belligerent and anti-democratic countries like Iraq. The U.S. needs to conduct more nuclear tests to stay ahead of the game, period. Let the French squawk; the U.S. can content itself with knowing it made the right choice. l\R

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20,- 1999

grandize the HIe. Accounting for the additional $400 the HIC is set to receive, Seamon explained, "Last year HIC didn't see too much action and there was a lot of chair turnover. So, this year, I increased our budget so that we can start to build up the commission once again." Seamon, who would like ro form a contact network to bring all the medically oriented groups under one umbrella , added, "One large blood drive beats 3 small, relatively unsuccessful ones." Voice Your Vote Task Force director Erin Carey will use her group's piece of the fiscal pie to facilitate student involvement in the democratic process. In addition ro sponsoring various forums ro educate the e1ecrorate, Carey will conduct an effort with the Secretary of State's office ro make voter registration forms available online. Carey indicated, "S tu dents would still have to print them up and mail them in , but at least they wouldn't have to go out of their way to get the form," thus leaving the registration process out-of-reach for only the most indolent and apathetic of eligible voters. The Academic Affairs Commission (AAC), which received a sho t in the

arm in the form of a 1000% increase in funding , is launching a project to s[eer students through the quagmire of the academic process. AAC chairman Sandeep Parikh spearheaded a drive to establish a used book sale system over the Internet and is pleased to announce that the Michigan Online Book Exchange will be up and running by November. "Basically this is going to be a great service for students to use. My plan for this semester is to get the Exchange ready and advertise for it so by next semester book rush , students can use the Exchange to their benefit," quoth Parikh. Most of the MSA allotment will be used to advertise and ma intain the new se rvice. Parikh added, "Jr has cost the students almost nothing," referring to the 7 cents each student has chipped in for the project. Also striving to make University life eas ier, the Student Right~ CO lom irret' (SRC) will devote its funds to edu C::ling students about their rights and com bal ing the emasculation of such IIDer: ies. Currently ensconced in th e dead ce r,(tr of the SRC's crosshairs is the infamoL:s Code of Student Conduct. The SRC is pushing for Code reforms to ensu re- righr-


ful due pro~ess. Among proposed reforms are: a narrower Code jurisdiction , the right to the p!'esence of attorneys, fairer rules regarding evidence, the creation of an "advisor corps" to guide students through the Code process, and a general halt to alleged instances of "double jeopardy." Furthermo re, SRC would like to demystifY the cloak-and-dagger machinations of the Code and expose the details of some cases to the public. On the SRC's back burner is a plan to create a student reference th at would enable a would-be Trimalchio to prevent his blowout from turning into a small scale Ruby Ridge. SRC chairman Abe Rafi explained the idea, "The SRC has also been looking into crea tirlg, publishing an d distriburing a 'how to throw a legal house parry' handbOOK. Student Legal Services, AAPD, and Drs all have something like this, but their versions are ab ridged, focus mostly on resa ictiom ins(~a d of rights, and aren't lCril'cly distriDuted to students. We aren't sure if we will go ahead with this project, but It'~ on the drawing board." Upon examiJl .1;:io n of the amount of SRC~ allotment, it appears that the committee suffered a significant decrc<lse in



funding as it is slated to receive an amount less than half of what it received last year. Bur according to Raft's emailed statement, numbers can be deceiving. He wrote, "The SRC requested $200 to cover miscellaneous expenses, for now. As we tackle larger projects that require more funding, we will request it from the Assembly. Even if the SRC had requested and been awarded $500, we would have still been required to ask the Assembly for permissio n to use large amounts of it. This is because before a committee/commission may spend more than $200 the committee/commission is required to request MSA's permission to spend it- regardless of wherher the commirree/com mission already has more than $200 in its accou nt. " The Minority Affa irs Co mmiss ion and the Lesbi an, Gay, Bi sex ual, & Transgender Com missio n were two co mmiss io ns that did not have their fund s o urlined since both commiss ions did not have chairs to preside over th em at the tim e of the meeting. ~


Men are from Mars Women are from Mars Too, Just another part BY DAVID GUIPE

F YOU'RE A GUY, CHANCES are there will come a time when a woman asks you how she looks. If you ever sense this question coming, the best strategy is to run for dear life. There is NO right answer. Take it from one who's been there. Here is an example of what I'm' talking about: Girl: "Do I look okay in this dress? " Guy: "You look fine." Girl: "I look 'fine? ' Just 'fine?' What is that supposed to mean? So I don't look 'good' or 'great,' I look 'fine?' Is that what you're saying~ " Guy: "No, you look, uh , great in that dress. " Girl: "You're lying." Guy: "No I'm not. " Girl: "Yes you are." Guy: "Seriously, that looks really good on you." Girl: "Oh, so now we're back down to 'really good.' I thought you said I looked 'great?' You liar. " Guy: "No, I just meant thaL." Girl: "ARE YOU SAYING I'M FAT?" This conversation will go on for several hours and will not have a pretty ending. What did the guy do wrong? Here's


an example of what I would have done in that situation: Girl: "Dave, do I look okay in this dress?" Me: (looking out window) " H ey, some famous person is in the parking-lor signing autographs. I've always wam cd to get an aurograph from that particular famous person. I'll be back in sevtnl non · consecutive shakes of a lamb's raiL" After sropping for something 'It pu :ger King and catching a movie or two . rei casually rerum. hoping that snt :,:<<1 lu lgotten by then. That brings me to my next poi n, (Un· cerni ng looks. Nor only dees ever), y , ()iT! d!1 on earth chink she locb tke crap_ ('V~'l ' woman is also rotally convincea tna: she is fat. This paranoia about weig~J1 rr')Dably comes from yea~s of playing \.,..;\.h dolls whose waists are thinner than their necks. I've yet to meet a woman wh o doesn't think that she needs to lose ,,:eight. We men need to be extra careful concerning this subject, for I am convinced that a woman can misinterpret any statement a man makes and rum it into an insult about her weight. Take the following example. (Guy and girl in car, girl driving.)

Guy; "That light's about to tum red.

Better start braking. " GirL· "What are )IOU sfl;ying? That I'm JO FAT that! can't reach the peddl when! get up there? I'll brake when I'm good and rrac/.".·' Guy "Watch out for that car!" Girl. "So now you're saying my reflexes are jiow because I'm so FAP!" Guy 'Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!/!!!!!!f.1!" (Cars crash an d fall into a ravine, causing everyone to die instantaneously upon impacr.) eil!:

n;a:;'11l pamon? .,

"V?hat are )'OU saying, narrator? fA7: 1 crushed my male com-


(\Xfell. 11C" I , uh , that is..... ) or w urse, \'iews about looks are on ly cmf: difterence between men and women. !'cno~h er is , heir attitude towards certain acr:vitie5. By <'cereain activities," ! mean shopping. The attitudes men and women towards shopping differ in a very simple way: women like to shop, men don't. If you're a woman, you probably can't figure our why you're unable to find a male companion who enjoys shopping for clothes. The reason is simple: men do~'t shop for clothes; men buy something to wear. Women think of shopping as an art. From the moment they walk into the store, they have a strategy in mind as to which


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rack they're going to hit first and second and so on, always keeping at least three moves ahead. Plus, once a woman gets to a rack, she has to follow the unwritten rule that she must try on at least two-thirds of the items on it. Men , on the other hand , have a very si mple strategy when it comes to buying something to wear. It goes something like this: 1. G o into store. 2. Grab ftrst pair of of jeans on rack. 3. Pay for them and exit store. Th is usually takes four to five minutes and can be conveniently done during a commercial break if you're listening to " your car radio and don't want ro miss any songs. Yes, gender relations is just one of those areas of life that always seems to be problematic. Th~re are so many more cheerful topics that I could write about. Next issue: Dave's thoughts on war, pestilence, and death. Mt

This column originally ran in the Review S 9 D~c. 1998 issue. Back then, "F)

Senor Gulpe" was simply /mown as "David Guipe. " Weird, huh!





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October 20,



A Case to Free Pinochet



onstrations, and demands for boycotts. Of the Diag area is rarely quiet beco urse , not every prisoner is a liberal! rween the hours of II a.m. and Marxist/Maoist. Quite often, people of 2 p.m. In addition to the hoards of people an American conservative to classical libenjoying a quick smoke or polite convereral political persuasion have persecuted sation, on any given for their beliefs (see the day dozen s of misCommunist world for sionaries from a about 200 million explethora of leftist acamples). Still, in large tivist groups stake out part, these victims are the Dia g, seeking simple peasants or co nvert s t o their tradesmen , with no discause. Wh ether the tinctive story to tell. issue b e a nimal Yet, of all these perseright s, Native cutions , one stands American cu ltural out: the illegal and impreservatlon, or su pproper arrest of former pon for Pu erto Rican Chilean leader Gen . Jacob F.M. terrorists, ra rely a day Augusto Pinochet. Oslick go es by without That is why, in coordisome kooky-left idea nati on with likeb ei ng impress ed up on pa ss ers by. minded srudents around the country, I am Throughout my college years , I've freorganizing a collegiate campaign to make quemly been disappointed with the lack American s tudents m o re aware of o f corresponding right-win g activism. In Pinochet's plight, and correct the prevamost cases, I've thought the answer might lent misinformation about his ' checkered lie in the co mplex economic and social history as Chile's ruler. arguments conservatives and classical libMost concede that Pinochet was bruerals make. Liberal arguments tend to ral, but effective in transforming Chile's look at the benefits to person A, while economy. After instituting drastic "shock


I am organizing a collegiate campaign to make American students more aware of Pinochet's plight, and correct misinformation about his checkered history as Chile's ruler. ignoring the costs to person B. They tend to examine o nl y the primary con se- , quences of a policy, and ignore the secondary and tertiary. After all, it's quite easy to say " Raise the minim u m wage so Johnny can afford ro pay for his mother's medicati on." On the other hand, to un derstand th at, if the minimum wage rises, Johnny might have no job at all requires a lesson in supply and demand economICS.

Howeve r, this argum ent need not apply to a favorite variety of leftist activity: the perperual movements to liberate some inmate aro und the globe. These cause celebre have rallged from the 7 0's cry of "Free Angela Davis, " to the 1980's "Free Nelson Mandela." And of course, during the 90's we've seen a sustained albeit not huge - movement to "Free MumiaAbu-Jamal," a convicted cop-killer and black-nationalist. Some of these causes were justified (Mandela), others not (Mumia); still the Left continued on year after year with petition drives, dem-

therapy" measures required ro wring inflation from the economy, and privatize national companies, Chile has grown at an average 10 percent rate since 1978. During his tenture, Pinochet fully privatized Chile's Social Securi ty system , meaning that Chile - unlike virtually eve ty other country in the world (including the United States) - will have a fully-funded retirement system for its elderly in the coming cent u ty. Still, I will concede that economic policy alone cannot excuse the use of brutal and unnecessary fo rce. So, rather then defend Pinochet on his brilliant economic record alone, yet me deflate the arguments Spain is using in her attempt to try Pinochet for "genocide. " Argument] : Pinochet unnecessarily overthrew the peaceful, democratic minded Salvador Allende. Reality: Far from being the angel he's described as by the Left , Allende was a Soviet-backed Marxist thug who piece-by-

piece attempted to duplicate Castro's "reforms" in Chile. In total, Allende received an estimated $650 million in aid from the Soviets, and, in return, he provided firstclass service to Cuban, Soviet, and Norrh Korean intelligence agents looking for a Latin America base of operations. During Allende's three years in power, he welcomed 14 ,000 Marxist rabble-rousers into the country, a virtual consorrium of North Korean weapons specialists, Soviet subversion experts, and Cuban intelligence officials Allende charged with establishing a Cuban-like secret police. During this dark period opposition radio stations and newspapers were continuously attacked, frequentl y with physical violence, and Allende took steps to squelch any opposition to his policies. In addition to suppressing non -Marxist tho ught, Allende quickly took steps to institme a Sovietstyle command economy. Although, thankfully, his revolution wasn't complete by the time Pinochet took control in 1973, Allende did succeed in nationalizing the banks and the powerful copper industry, along with several smalleor businesses. Allende's government even replaced Walt Disney comic books with more "appropriate" KGB kiddie fare. Un surprisingly, these "reforms" led to poverty, hunger, and leading to inflation rates of 150% before the coup. Does anybody actually believe that, had Pinochet stood idly by as Allende turned Chile into one giant gulag, freedoms would have been more protected? Pinochet's action was nor orily noble, but required to prevent a Cuban-style darkness to decend completely over Chile. Although the Left doesn't like to point this out, Pinochet's actions saved countless lives, by preventing a deadly civil war, and by preventing a North Korean-style famine developing from Allende's land "reforms." Yet, rather than give him credit, they insread offer: Argument 2: Pinochet was a murderous tyrant. Reality: Somewhat under 3,500 political opponents were killed, or simply "disappeared," during Pinochet's 17 years in power (about 250 per year), most of whom died in the first four months of the coup d'etat. While such statistics might seem horrible from an American perspective, they amount to little more than chump change by a global scale. They certainly do not amount to the charge Spain has leveled - genocide, defined by the Geneva Convention as "intent to desotroy, in whole or in part, a national, ethnical, racial, or religious group." Unquestionably, Fidel Castro has equaled Pinochet's total several times over, yet he prances around the globe with ease, no one par-

ticularly objecting. Yet, as Gary Dempsey of the CATO Institute point out, at the same time Spain demanded Pinochet's extradition, they permitted "Castro to roam around Spain freely." Interestingly, Spain herself has probably killed more people than Pinochet, in her decades-long conflict with a Basque separatist movement. Argument 3: Trying Pinochet will establish a global precedent towards punishing dictators. Reality: A good argument, bur one that doesn't specilY which precedent will be established. Specifically, Pinochet differs ftom most dictators in one central respect: he voluntarily handed over power to a democratically elected government, following the completion of his economic and political reforms. Virtually evetyone concedes that, ifPinochet sti ll ruled Chile, Spain would have nO o case for extradition, as Pinochet would enjoy diplomatic immunity. Ergo, had Pinochet followed the course of most of his totalitarian contemporaries (Fidel Castro, Hafez Assad, King Faud, Deng Xio Ping, etc.) he could play the globetrotter as his wished, immune from punishment. Does the international community really want to declare that dictators who keep power are free from legal sanction, bur that we should punish those precious few who actually restore democracy. This point seems particularly poignant in light of the recent coup in Pakistan. If the West continues its persecution of Pinochet, might that not encourage Pakistan's generals to keep command, and with power, the privlege of diplomatic immunity? Likewise, what happens to any chance for the West to prod Saadam Hussein, Kim Jong II , Laurenr Kabila, etc., from authoritarian control of thei r counrries? No o ne claims that Pinochet committed no wrongs . Still, we must judge him with respect to the unique peril Chile faced fro m Allende, the policies other dictators have embarked o n. Rather then leading his countty towards socialism and poverty, Pinochet spearheaded a campaign to generate economic growth and prosperity. Instead of murdering without cause or discrimination, Pinochet killed relatively few, and in the process prevented a civil war that probably would have claimed thousands more. And, unlike most dictators, Pinochet did the unusual: voluntarily restoring democracy after the threat of communism had ceased. In short, by looking at the whole of Pinochet, instead of judging him by an impossible moral standard, it becomes apparenr that he was not a brutal dictator. If anything, he is closer to sainthood than damnation. ~


IOctober 20, 1999 ·


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The Death of Civilization


OCIETY IS GOING TO HELL. That's no profound, prophetic statement; it's just an observation, and an obvious one at that. Yes, society is on an ever-accelerating downward spiral toward the depths of fire and brimstone. We haven't reached hell just yet, but I'm pretty sure that our arrival is imminent and unstoppable. Okay, maybe I'm being a little melodramatic. But Ma tthew I can't help myself. Schwartz After all, the Diag Preachers have been doing their damndest to work their magic on my subconscious. And while I disagree with many of their views (the whole Jesus", Salvation thing is a little difficult for a nice little Jewish boy to swallow), they are right about one thing: society's morality has declined. Immensely. In fact, our culture's moral fabric has decayed to the point where I can no longer stomach at least two-thirds of the television shows or top-forty music that permeate the aitwaves. Perhaps my disgust is partly due to my own moral compass turning in a more conservative direction as I mature.· But with·out a doubt, AmeriGan pop culture has become much more offensive than it used to be. I first realized this back in the early nineties , while attending middle schooL My dad was driving me to school, and I turned the radio dial to 96.3 FM, my favorite Top-40 station at the time. That's when we heard it - a song with the potential to cause shock and disgust for my father, and a lot of embarrassment for me. The first three words: "Oh my God ... " Nothing too bad yet, right? "Look at her butt." Excuse me? "It is soooo big!" I should have turned off the radio right there, but I was curious. Apparently, so was my dad, albeit in a more concernedparent SOft of way. After some more sorority-girllike gossiping, in came Sir MixA-Lot. Let as all "sing" along: "I like big BUTTS and I cannot lie! You other brothers can't deny! When a girl walks in with an itty-bitty waist and a round thing in yo' face you get SPRUNG!" Okay, okay, that's enough. I'll admit, it is a catchy little ditty. It's one of those songs that evetybody my age remembers, and can sing along with at parties. And don't get me wrong - it's fun! Sir Mix-ALot was right , even white boys got to shout. But it's not just college-aged students - virtual adults - who hear this stuff. It's little kids too. Impressionable youngsters.

have tolerated the phrase, "I like 'em real, the family shows disappeared in the early I'm not saying that the censors should thick, and juicy," on the radio? nineties , replaced by Gen-Xers. Even have a field day and rid the aitwaves of all When I think back to my childhood, Home fmpr01Jement, a notable hold out, is indecency. I saw The Man Show on ComI remember singing along to the hit no longer on rhe air. Granted, that's beedy Central for the first time last night , "song," "You Saw My Blinker, Bitch." The cause the kids grew up, and one can't reand it was damn funny. Now please don't song title refers to a car accident between ally do a family show withour a family, go accuse me of being a hypocrite; it rea rapper and an old lady - who, incidenbur it was still disappointing. ally is good stuff. Plus, it's not so much tally, got whiplash - and whom the rapYou may be thinking: Matt, just be~ indecent as just somewhat crude and chauper calls a "wrinkled old bag." I never cause Sir lvlix-A-Lot liJves big butts, or there vinistic. (And we all know there's nothing thought much about what I was singing, are some sex-jokes on primetime TV it tkesn't wrong with thar!) because I was only ten years old. But as I mean that society is going to hell. Well, not The difference between The Man think back on the rap, I realize rhat such directly; but popular culture in general Show, and, say, the latest sexual-innuendoa consrant barrage of songs like, that on laden episode of Friends, is (hat The Man reHens our society's loss of decency. These rhe radio probably desensitized us all quite shows and so ngs are on the air because Show runs on cable, relatively late at night. a bit. And I truly worry about the degenthey are financially viable - rhe public Plus, it's aimed at adults. In contrast, eration of society. watches them in droves. That means that Friends runs at 8 p.m. - rhe starr of Oh , and I would quore so me gangsta so metime berween the eighties and the prime time - and millions of little pre· rap for YOll , which implores "niggas" to nineties. foc lls gro ups starred relling netteens watch the show. The netwo rk execs go shoot "pigs" and rape their "bitches, " work ae·:s that they were sick of the fam know that children are watching. Bu: do but I've managed to stay away from all ily-oriented TV show. Taking the public's they care? that crap. Thus, I don't know any lines. I thougins inro account, nerworks had their I shouldn't be bashing Friends; ir's am sorry ~o it would have been a very efwr;rers create shows that didn't end with relatively tame as far as television goes. fec tive illust ratio n as ro just how low pubfort une cookie morals . The new shows But ir is some of the tamest lic decency has plummeted. were successful. and more were made. primetime TV has to offer, and it still can'r Think abour all the wonderful, beauJerry and the gang held a contest [0 see compare with the family shows of the tiful art that we, as a cultured people, are who could go the longest without mastureighties, like The Cosby Show. There were capable of creating. Beautiful arias; deep, bating, and the public loved it! Yada yada never any sexual innuendos in The Cosby philosophical films; romantic poetry; good yada, and here we are. On rhe brink of Show; just good, wholesome fun : Rememthe new millennium, and our heads are . pop culture ... Try to appreciate the strong ber the one where Theo wanted that depositive influence that this an is capable signer shirt, but it cost too much, so firmly lodged in the toilet. Call me a prude, call me a conservaof having on our society. Now think about Qenise tried to make a replica? Or the tive, call me whatever you want. Howone where the whole family lip-synced to what gangsta rap might do to our ,society. ever you choose to spin it, the decline in Renowned opera singer Beverly Sills a song to entertain the grandparents? I decency of television shows, hit songs, and used to watch Cosby with my family, evonce said that "art is the signature of civimovies is undeniable. And while it's true eryone gathered around the television on lization." If that statement has any merit a cool winter night, the fireplace crackto it at all - if "I like 'em real, thick, and that conservatives have lamented the inling in the background. That used to be decency of popular culture since the bejuicy" has indeed become our signature the 8 o'clock show. ginning of time, it's getting really bad. - then we should be very worried about One can sum up nineties TV in one Would anyone from a half-century ago where our civilization is heading. Mt word: Seinftld. Single, . hip people doing hip, single things, many of the stories revolving around sex. Don't get me wrong - I loved Seinfeld - but the characters were basically immoral jerks , not the types of people one could depend on . And "Ann Arbor:fi Retreatfor Natural Healing" because it was popular, SeinJeld * NEW ADDITIONS * spawned a slew STUDENT SPECIALS Music Listening Station of copycats, and 10 % OFF Immoral Il'lorJd - New Age - MeditatlOnal Jerkdom flooded Fall Collection of Waterfalls the airwaves. The 340 Maynard St. Ann Arbor, MI 48104 Copper/eat & Lavarock result? A lack of New Athletic Supplements shows for famiPh 734214-5888 Fax 734 214-5889 lies to watch together. Most of


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Libertarians for City Council A Joint Venture November elections are fast approaching, with half of Ann Arbor's ten city council districts on the ballot. This year, fWO new faces have entered the race, the libertarian candidates Charles Goodman and Gabriel Quinnan. Unlike their opponents, Goodman and Qu innan are both students at the University of Michigan. Goodman is a third year graduate student in philosophy. Originally from Buffalo , New York, he got his bachelor's in physics at Harvard, and plans to become a philosophy professor. Goodman's strong libertarian convictions made him a natural for the Libertarian Party. Goodman said he believes in liberties and free society, because "[they) just work better. I believe that liberfarian ideas ... can be put into pracrice to benefit all the community." He also said he could never run as a Republican or Democrat, for it would weigh too heavily

Ann Arbor Transit Authority (AATA) is vel)' unprofitable and should be privatized. He also said the two city golf courses, both owned and operated by the Ann Arbor government, should be sotd. If this were done, said Goodman, "the sale would provide short term profits," and probably improve the quality of the courses. Goodman's other platform points center not just on city expenditures, but on environmental issues as well. Goodman said that he is in favor of "measures to reduce the threat to the ozone," but cost and quality of life have to be taken inro account as well. The city dump has to be cleaned up, said Goodman, as it is "leaching toxins right and left." However, Goodman feels that the nvo hydroelectric dams currently owned and operated by the city should be sold. Though they are more environmentally friendly, he said, their decrrical output issubsrantially more expensive than electricity from the utility

"If you're tired of the stifled political consensus of G. W. Bush and Al Gore, you'll vote Libertarian." - Libertarian Candidate Charles Goodman on his conscience. Even if he used the bigger parties to get elected and then fight for libertarian causes, he said the moral dilemma would be too great, and would never do thar. Goodman is running for city council, he said, because He has numerous plans that he would tl)' to implement if elected. "I believe the most serious problem in Ann Arbor is the outrageous rents paid by students," said Goodman . He explained that most of the high rents were caused by a severe housing shortage. His fix is to "address the causes of the housing shortage, namely Ann Arbor's property taxes '" property taxes must be lowered!" Goodman also wants to remove all the red tape imposed on developers and businessmen. He said Ann Arbor's previous council members worried too much about the aesthetics of the city and not enough about the people those regulations hurt, especially students. In order (0 cut taxes while still maintaining Ann Arbor's numerous public services, Goo:dman explained that the "privatization of some city services would save the city money." First, he said, the

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companies, and this extra COSt is being borne, in large part, by the student population. The final key issue supported by Goodman is his charter amendment petition to place a vote for legalizing medical marijuana on the ballot. "Medical marijuana can be . an effective treatment to numerous diseases," said Goodman, and pointed out that numerous other local and city governmenrs around the countl)' have passed the same laws. "Federal government and elected officials lack the courage to come out in favor of medical marijuana," said Goodman, so this chaner amendment would add weight to the cause for convincing Congress to legalize marijuana for medical purposes. In addition to his ma ny idea s. Goodman also offers his background as :l. qualification for the job cf eir)' councilman. "I went to Harvard, and j have rt long history of political activism, ir,cluding promoting women's right to choose, " he said. He also made campus news last ye;H for his vety vocal stance on frc:-c and fair trade practices. He was the founder of Students Promoting Export-oriented Eco-


nomic Development, or SPEED. Gabrie Quinnan is the other student liber(arian candidate for Ann Arbor city council. Quinnan, a California native, is majoring in history with plans to go to law schooL A senior LSA student, Quinnan served in the armed forces for sevc:-ral y~ars and is rwenry-fivt: yea rs old. Like Goodman, Quinna;) tlrmly beiieves in the libertarian cause. "I agree with maximizing freedom in social ;) nd fiscal matters, " he said. He is running for city council because it "has the most power to affect sruden ts," and Goodman: "Property taxes must be lowered!" he could use his posltlOn to give stuuses the otherwise useless farmland surdenrs a voice in Ann Arbor affairs. rounding Ann Arbor. When asked whether his young age Both Goodman and Quinnan exwould factor against him, he responded pressed high hopes for the coming electhat "if I can get the student vote out, I tion. "Students are almost a third of the have a good chance." Quinnan feels that population, and right now they have no his youthfulness would make him a more voice on the city council. ... If they stand energetic member of the city government. up and vote, we will be elected," said He also said that he's a pragmatic realist Goodman. "If you're tired of the stifled and has a lor of life experience. political consensus of G.w. Bush and AI Like Goodman, Quinnan has big Gore, you'll vote Libertarian." plans for the city should he be elected. Quinnan pointed out that only about He agrees with Goodman's stance on . 20 percent of Ann Arbor citizens vote, so medical marijuana, and vows to fight for even a couple hundred student votes would its placement on the ballot so Ann carl)' a lot of weight. Quinnan also said Arborites can decide the city's legal stance that he is "for maximizing liberty, whereas on the issue. He also wants to promote a his opponents are all for creating and policy of steadily lowering taxes, and help maintaining monopolies on power," and to reduce rents for U-M students. "All the when students realize this they will voice zoning restrictions ... are irrational," he their opinions by voting for the candidates said. "They're allegedly here to maintain will fight for their rights. ~ who the ambiance of Ann Arbor, but they really JUS( create monopolies." He is also against passing a new park millage. because he feels Ann Arbor has We are looking mough parks, and they take up so much iand :har the surrounding areas are conanother attractive !'tricled and therefore cost more . This vixen to join r<."sults in higher land values, which are online ataft'. ~ood ((II land owners, but bad for the stud CJHS who live on these sites and have to send your headshot pay higher rents. He added that "some to urban sprawl is good," as it lowers land prices, makes rent more affordable, and

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Meet Harmonica Guy peers in college and grad school, and in a band in Australia for three years while he was getting his post doctorate degree. He returned from Australia to get Ph .D. in biochemistry at the University of Michigan Medical School, and got married and raised two children. Needless to say, this put his harmonica playing days on hold for a while. Goss dusted off his harmonica and started playing on the Diag just this spring. "Between the kids and the home life and the job," he says, "it didn't seem like it was all there. Maybe this is what's missing." His love is with his music, which ranges from Coltrane jazz to Texas swing and artists from James Cotton to John Popper. According to Gross, he plays the harmonica because "it's a humble cheap little instrument, it has a niche in music ... you can put it in your pocket when you're embarassed like it's gone: 'That wasn't me making that noise! That was somebody else. '" Goss loves interacting with students and finds it rewarding when they compliment his style. Other times he could get a weird glance or a silent passerby, and at these times he just closes his eyes and keeps playing. As a regular observer in the Diag, he likes interacting with people in general - "It's far better than the mall, the diversity is so much greater. It's a free for all out there .. if you want to make noise there isn't really anyone there to tell



N THE DIAG, EVERYONE has a place to go, people to meet, things to do, with hardly any time to stop and smell the roses. But then in the distance, a harmonica starts playing, turning the Diag into a jazzy New Orleanslike street corner. Accompanied by syncopated rhythms, every step seems more light hearted and upbeat. With a glance in the direction of the music, one sees a familiar face - a humble looking guy jamming on his harmonica, with the sign "Searching for Guitarist." Many people know him and admire his talent; others think he's just another street musician, possibly a bum. Who is this man who plays so well, and continually fills the normally silent Diag with his sweet music? Nowadays, Thomas J. Goss (not Thomas A. Goss, the athletic director) can be found working on a form of E. coli in a genetics research lab in the Natural Science Building. As a research associate biologist, Goss' typical day consists of going to work, playing his harmonica for an hour in the Diag, then coming home to his wife and two kids, ages 9 and 11 . Growing up in a west suburb of Chicago, Goss started playing the harmonica in high school, despite his mother's encouragement to take piano lessons. He has had no formal instruction in music most of his musical roots come from his

you not to. " When asked why he loved to play his instrument so loud, he replied ''I'm a show person I guess. I have a need for people to say 'hey look at me! I'm kinda weird. I play harmonica.'" For those who would like to get first hand glance ofGross, he usually performs in the Diag daily from 4-5pm, sometimes accompanied by a student or staffer guitarist. To this day, he has been looking for an accompanying guitarist . "It's almost like dating.. You wanna find someone with your caliber and common interest. You don't wanna jump on the first one cuz you might be passing up something much better, but you don't wanna wait in the wings because you're missing the opportunity to get tight with someonet. It's all real frustrating ." Goss commented that the whole process is very political - he wants to be grateful to one guitarist but then he would not want to say that he is "seeing another guitarist" . He has not found a permanent partner yet. Goss has become a well-known individual on campus, and at the same time offers a valuable lesson for all of us. "Life is always getting in the way of fun," he says. "If you can squeeze a little fun out

Still searching for a guitarist, Harmonica Guy plays solo. of life, that's good. Grab it if you can .... Sometimes it helps you to get where you're going to stop and smell the roses. " "Even if no one were to come by," he comments, "I think I would still go out there ... Just to do music." Thomas). Goss has found his own way to stop and smell the roses. Perhaps with his humble harmonica, his music has given us a way to stop and smell them too. ~

Harmonica Guy is still "searching for guitarist!" E-mail

Courtney Cantor: One Year Later By SCOTT BEHNAN

NE YEAR AGO, ON what was supposed to be a typical Friday morning at the University of Michigan, students awoke to the horrifying news that freshman Courtney Cantor had fallen to her death from a Mary Markley Hall window the night before. As we pass the one-year anniversary of her tragic death on October 16, 1998, students should take time to commemorate Courtney Cantor, whose life, dreams, and achievements epitomized the soul of the typical college freshman . At the same time, students should also remember the effects that this and many other alcohol-related deaths across the country had on this campus. Soon after her death, the events leading to her tragic fall began to surface. Cantor, a recent pledge of the Chi Omega sorority, that attended a carry-in party at the Phi Delta Theta fraternity. and apparently consumed alcohol. (Her blood alcohol level, however, was later measured at .059 percent. below the legal driving limit 0(.10 percent.) At 3 a.m. she took a cab ,

















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home to Markley, and some time between 3 and 5 a.m., she fell out her window to her death. Unfortunately. instead of recognizing this tragedy as a bizarre accident - as was eventually concluded in the investigation - university officials. the media, parents, and the general public attempted to rationalize it by pointing fingers in every direction, from the Markley windows to the Greek system, and most of all to the Phi Delta Theta fraternity. Although Cantor voluntarily decided to consume alcohol at the Phi Delta Theta house, the Ann Arbor Police Department (AAPD) brought ten of its members up on alcohol-related misdemeanor charges. A video surveillance camera at a local Meijer captured the me.mbers who bought over $300 wonh of alcohol with false identification on October 15th. The national chapter for Phi Delta Theta soon revoked their charter. forcing all members to move out of the house. Although the national organization claims that this revocation stemmed from violating a substance-free policy, some critics perceived it as a publicity stunt in the wake of Cantor's death.

Others questioned the safety of the windows at Mary Markley Hall, which consist of six glazed glass panels. with the bottom center-casing opening out in an "awning style." The windows, which were installed in 1993, can be opened no more than a meager 12 inches. at which point the they lock. Since Cantor fell from her window. the university ordered a complete inspection on all the windows in Markley. and although 10 percent were found to be broken, the one in her room functioned properly. The administration's overall reaction to Cantor's death was swift. Then VicePresident for Student Affairs Maureen Hartford assembled a "Binge-Drinking Task Force" to combat underage drinking in residence halls. National colleges and universities soon beefed up alcohol awareness programs, suspended fraternities, and formed task forces to examine student drinking. Further publicity led to an amendment to the Family Education Rights Privacy Act. permitting the university to notify the parents of students under 21 who are caught drinking. In addition, the AAPD and the De-

partment of Public Safety. under intense pressure from the public. mobilized to crack down on underage drinking during weekend festivities. Police from AAPD went on a two-week rampage. breaking up a multitude offraternity and house parties where alcohol was being served to minors. and in the process dishing out 133 Minor in Possession of Alcohol citations to students. In the past year. the police have raided parties at Theta Chi. Sigma Nu. Beta Theta Pi, and in general have declared war on the whole Greek system. Until this year, freshman would traditionally drop in on a variety of fraternity and sorority parties during the first week - as a way to make new friends, get a fed for the university environment, and in general have a good time. Now fraternities now must heavily regulate their festivities in order to protect themselves from the AAPD and other aggressors. Whether or not Courtney Cantor. who was a part of the Greek system herself, would approve of this crackdown today . is doubtful. ~


Day of Action Continued from Page 1 support it, do not support equality, but they fight ir. In place of equality, they hold diversity above all else. But when you say that a difference in skin is diversity, you claim that there is a difference between races, the very idea decried by Dr. Marrin Luther King, Jr. Further, whereas Dr. King preached non-violent social action, BAMN, by definition will utilize "a ny means necessary." Organizations like BAMN run counter to the vety ideas that make our nation grear. Rather than promote freedom. BAMN seeks the subversion of democracy. and the squelching of dissident speech. There are more things more un just than the forcing of your opinions on ot hers, yet that is exactly what BAMN wants to do. Even the name of their organization admits ir. Defending affirmative :lCtion is okay. Defending affirmative action BY ANY MEANS NEC ESSARY is not oby. That is th e menta lity that affirmative action defenders have adopted now that they see it is being challenged at every turn. Accordingly, everyone who opposes them does so out of racist, rightwing extremist, of cottrse. (Sarcasm.) A Gallup poll taken from 1987-1990 stated that by a 70 to 24 percent margin , Americans were against affirmative action. Among blacks alone, it was 66 to 32 percent. Today that gap has surely widened. Americans today are against the bigoted racial discrimination that is contained within affirmative action. Even at the University of Michigan, 51 percent of the students are against affirmative action, according to a poll taken last year by the Michigan Daily. In rea Ii ry, BAMN and BAMN alone holds claim to the title "extremist ," and counter to the public's will. BAMN's movement is counter to the very spirit of the University of Michigan, and of America. The Defend Affirmative Action Party (DAAP), the Sinn Fein to

BAMN's Irish Republican Army, believes that MSA should not be a~ "non-political" service .group ... it should be a represen tative body and a student union that fights for student's interests and organizes action ... [DAAP] is a force on the assembly that represents and fights for all student's rights and interests." Such an argument, however, ignores the fact that MSA operates on student fu nds, primarily to aide students in their relations with academia. In addition , U-M is a public school, publicly funded by both conservatives, liberals, independents, and those who are wholly apathetic. Their tax dollars should not fund political campai~ns of any sort. Also, DAAP claims to "rep, resent .. . and fight . .. for all student's rights and interests." How can a party that proclaims such things so boldly, hold "iev.that are ' wholly 19ainst the ave rage "student's rights and interests?" How can such a' student organization be so antidemocrat ic? BAMN ana DAAP's ur.dis-puted leader. Jessica Curtin, exell-.plifies their movemenr. She has had numcrot .~ run-ins with MSA over rules and rcgdJ ' tions, and has even been censured, She has consistently taken liberties with the goals stated above. She feels her actions are justified because she wants her view to be adopted by all "By Any Means Necessary," the very heart of this movement. It is not interested in discussion. It is not interested in an exchange of ideas. It is only interested in it's views being accepted, no matter how it's done, and no rule or regulation , or democratic roadblock will stop them. If you go out ro the Day of Action, do not do so under the pretense of equality. If you support the Day of Action . BAMN, or DAAP, do realize that you are supporting the racist and anti-democratic organization that must be stopped if we are ever to live in a colorblind society. Realize, that affirmative action is not a progressive program, but on mired in the rut of the past. Realize that the hope of rhe future is color blind equality. lvR


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this view, claiming that neither he nor MSA President Bram Elias played any part in the CR's disassociation from the University, commenting that "it's out of our hands; it's an administrative thing." Despire" their disassociation from the University, Mr. Diamond insists the College Rep;! blicans will remain a vibrant force on campus. Specifically, he points uut thal his group, which state and natic1nal CR parent organizations srill recor,nize as Lhe tT-M chapter, remains "the larges1 ill Mi;;h igan , and one of the largest :11 rh e Midwest." 11kingd slightl y more pessimistic rom , ]1,15. Yeager comments that "in the f:,:'oa renn. our activities will be limited -JUt' Ie t:lC sddden 10:.5 of our offi..:e at the Uni0r. and th ~ confiscation of our MSA<i lic';, a~('c funds."· ~ Note: The last statement is <:o meW !lac inJc,-urate, At the time of :h e;r d j~ a ..;>"ci" t;vn, MS1\ had not allociitcd ,ht' C '(~. an}' money. However, the CR\ wer~ in the pmcess of applying for '110ney fi-orn MSA's Budget and Priorities Committec. and iT is likely they would have rece:ved some financing_) Still, even Ms. Yeager whistles an optimistic tune







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about the future, stating that "alternate arrangements are being enacted to compensate for these losses. In the long run, our activities will continue as before." In fact, both Mr. Diamond and Ms. Yeager claim that, in some ways, the disassociation will aid the CR's. Now having no official connection to the U-M, Yeager states that the CR's will be "free to act as 'independent agents,'" adding that "in a sense we will be able to accomplish more because we are freed from the burdens of MSA sanctions for the next year." Echoing the same theme. Mr. Diamond claims that, because of these benefits, he really "didn't care" about the MSA application. At the same time rhough, Mr. Diamond is registering the "Elephant Society" as an MSA group. He adds that, with the Elephant Society an official MSA group, it will be able to reserve rooms for meetings and then "invite" the CR's to attend. Because of these ways to work around the rules, Mr. Coulouris resounds that, on one hand it's "not as big a deal as he [Mr: Diamond] thinks; he can apply under a different name. " Still, from one angle, its a "bigger deal then he thinks: he falsified public documents." l\.R

Continued From Page 1

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Are left-wing radicals stealif19 all. the copies of the Review in your ,dorm, before you can go ,check out the latest batch of insightful commentary and biting satire? _Th~n read us online, where they can't steaL the paper!



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Stephen Saletta

Garry Kaluzny

Second Ward Candidate

Fourth Ward Candidate

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Natives on the Warpath Ancient Ways vs. Modern Life BY


American Graves and Repatriation Act , would only protect native sites on private or state land. Already, a federal law exists protecting tribal burial grounds on public and federal land. However, there are currently few restrictions regarding land development on private or state land if a native burial mound is discovered on the construction site. Michigan's approximately 60,000 Native Americans applaud the act, and hope it is passed into law. A University of Michigan survey of Wayne, Macomb, Livingston, Washtenaw, Monroe, and Oakland counties, done in the early 1930s, mapped many of the native burial sites, but most lie on private property, and the owners are unaware of their existence. Many more remain unmapped and tend to be found by accident during construc·· tion. Already, many sites have been disturbed by land development. Tribal members feel this law would be an important step in limiting what contractors and developers could do to sites with important tribal significance that lie on private land and unprotected by federal law. College of Engineering sopho-


PROPOSED MICHIGAN state law has recently become the center of an intense debate between native tribal members and property developers. The law would help protect Native American burial grounds, including burial mounds and other historical sites, from developers or home builders. However, many developers and home builders are afraid it would slow down land development and increase expenses. Specifically, the law centers on burial mounds. In the past, Native Americans throughout the Ohio River Valley and Upper Midwest often used large mounds of earth to bury their dead, not unlike ancient Nordic traditions. They generally wrapped the bodies in fur or skins, and often placed them in wooden coffins. The bodies were usually buried with certain gifts or items from life, like prized spear or arrowheads. Many of these artifacts carry considerable worth, although looting of native burial sites is illegal on federalland. The law, called the Michigan Native



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more and Chippewa tribe member, Todd Francis, agrees that his ancestors must be respected and their graves left in peace. "If they're buried in sacred grounds, it is a sign of respect not to build a house over them," he said. Many native artifacts have already been removed from past grave sites, and were either sold or put on display. Many remains and artifacts from Michigan native burial sites have even ended up at the Smithsonian in Washington, D.C. The now defunct Fort Wayne Military Museum once housed a complete Native American skeleton, found in a tribal burial sire. The remains were later returned to tribal authorities. According to the U-M study done in the 30s, there are at least 18 major tribal sites in W'ashrenaw County alone, not to mention dozcm of unmarked and unknown individual burial sites peppering the county and the rest of southeast Michigan. The proposed state la~ would force developers to halt all work on any site found to contain native artifacts until a study of the site could be completed, to determine if a burial site does indeed ex-

ist. The remains would then be turned over to their respective tribe. However, the law would carry many other consequences as well. Only professional archaeologists would be allowed to do the study; digging done by amateur archaeologists, even on private property, would be fined. Furthermore, the closest native tribal counsel must issue a permit before a study may begin. Anyone willfully disturbing a burial site or looting artifacts from it could be charged with a felony. . Land developers are not as pleased with the proposed law as is the Michigan native population. Members of the Building Industry Association of Southeastern Michigan have announced concern about inflated housing costs. The time wasted by the mandated surveys would drastically increase the cost of new homes. Rather, members feel work should be allowed to proceed around the discovered remains, and that private owners ought to be trusted to care for remains found on their own lands. ~ th~

R. Colin Painter is managing ~ditor of Review, and a Political Scimu major.

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The Government is Addicted to Tobacco BY CHIP ENGUNDER


HE UNITED STATES government continues to strike at the tobacco industry with a sword of moral righteousness, while defending itself with a shield of hypocrisy. Like a street corner revolutionary, the government yells, "It's a sin to smoke!, " and "Smoking is poisoning America!" Meanwhile, billions of tax dollars pour into government coffers every year from tobacco sales. Regardless, the government is preparing to sue the tobacco industry to recoup losses for as much as $20 billion a year. But, let's quit the sermonizing for a second, and take a look at the preacher's personal affairs. Should government regulate morality? No. Of course, there are certain standards that we need to maintain, such as the sanctity of human life. Indeed, the government must interfere in many situations where the rights and liberties of two or more individuals clash with one another. However, those situations aside, should the government tell you what you can or cannot due? No. What is a tobacco tax, coming in the guise of a moral good? It's a sin tax. The more you sin, the more you pay. Do we want the government to do this? I mean, if we really believe that using tobacco is a sin, then why not outlaw it altogether, like marijuana? It's not a sin, and the government knows it. Even when the Food and Drug Administration attempted to regulate tobacco as a .drug, they lost their case in court. The government claims it is trying to prevent people from smoking because of tobacco's deleterious effects. If this were true, the government would try to impose its new taxes on tobacco all at once, at a steep rate, so all smokers would instantly feel the effect of the tax, and thus would be discouraged from smoking. However, this has not happened. The government is slowly phasing in the tax, so that smokers only feel it slowly over time. This way, there is no shock effect, no noticeable dent in their collective wallet. There is a possible objection to this argument. One could argue that secondhand smoke affects non-smokers in an adverse way. If a non-smoker is ill affected by a smoker, then might it make sense for the government to intervene, even by the above criteria? There are two reasons this argument can't hold water. Firstly, a higher sin tax does not prevent people from smoking, and thus does not prevent the dangers of second hand smoke. So, deterrence is obviously a red herring, and nbt a sensible excuse for a tax increase. Secondly, the data on the dangers of secondhand smoke is hardly conclusive. "Environmental tobacco smoke" (ETS) is certainly a nuisance, and can be harmful for

those with asthma and other breathing conditions; however, the same argument could be made against car owners, as the exhaust fumes from their cars might irritate the more fragile constitutions of asthmatics and others. There have been 11 studies by the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) on the subject, and only one of those 11 has found that ETS contains lung cancer risks .for the recipient.

lions of dollars in Social Security, Medicare, disability, veterans' benefits, and other social programs. It may be morbid, but it is true, and certainly negates all the government claims about money lost on health services. In fact, with the recent state settlement where the tobacco companies were forced to pay 46 states billions of dollars, we can see the hypocrisy in plain view.

The government makes 32 cents more per pack than do the tobacco companies themselves~ Uncle Sam doesn't care about his citizens' poor health; he just wants to feed his own addiction. The harms of second hand smoke are hardly conclusive. The government could still say, and it surely does, that tobacco is a harmful and addictive substance that forces nonsmoking American taxpayers to subsidize the health care of smokers. There are several fallacies with this argument. To begin with, is the nicotine in tobacco addictive? By the strictest medical definition, one is considered addicted to something if they have a "condition of strong or irresistible dependence on the use of a particular substance (e.g., heroin, alcohol) such that abrupt deprivation of the substance produces characteristic withdrawal symptoms," including rapid heart beats, sweating, or seizures. None of these symptoms are characteristic of smokers who try to quit. Even if we are to assume that nicotine is addictive, that does not justify a tax. Should we tax tobacco because it is bad for people? Isn't red meat bad for people as well? How about ultraviolet sunlight, which has been found to cause skin cancer? Florida not only has ultraviolet sunlight in abundance, but they actually advettise themselves as the Sunshine State. But, it's bad for people, and it must be stopped, right? No, because people have the right to decide for themselves what's good or bad for them. Should the meat industry be sued for causing high cholesterol and heart attacks, so taxpayers can recoup their losses? People must learn to accept more responsibility for their own actions, and quit blaming the tobacco, meat processing, and Florida tourism industries. The government states it is justified in suing the tobaccd industry to recoup money spent on health care for sick smokers. Again, this is fallacious reasoning. Taking care of a sick smoker is expensive, but he is also likely to die sooner. According to numerous studies, tobacco illnesses actually save the government bil~ ...... ~,,~ ...,,"" .. , .......... .... <"'~.. <.""~...• _"'...~ ....... ~ •.. ''' ••·,...v~~_"."

Nor a single state has spent one cent of its newly seized tobacco money on health care. The money is going to subsidize numerous other efforts such as roads and other wholly non-tobacco related things. The govt:rnment is not concerned abollt its citizens' poor health; rather, it is trying to feed its own addiction to tobacco revenue. The government today makes 32 cents more per cigarette pack than do the

tobacco companies themselves. The more the government taxes tobacco, the more dependent on those tobacco revenues it becomes. This is why Attorney General Janet Reno herself said there was no legal foundation for a federal suit against the tobacco companies. This did not prevent President Clinton in his State of the Union address from stating he would do just that. The government lacks a case, and even if it had one, it would not explain the true motives for the lawsuits. The government is not concerned with the health of its citizens, but rather with the health of its revenues. As Jonathan Turley put it, "Smoking may be hazardous to your health, but quitting would be positively lethal for your government." The government knows that its citizens have been tricked into believing that tobacco is bad for them (there have been warning labels since the 19605), and it is not concerned with weaning people off tobacco now. They have only stirred up the recent tobacco controversy to garner public support for a measure that is ultimately doomed to fail. I am not a smoker, and find it disgusting. However, I pity those few unfortunate souls singled out for bilking by dear old Uncle Sam. Mt

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Pete Singer: Kill Babies., Save Animals Princeton Professor advocates killing handicapped, saving their pets BY RYAN



BABY WHO HAS BEEN born certainly deserves (0 have her life protected. Even the most hardened and cold-blooded pro-abortion . activist would agree with this. However, a new voice at one of Arnerica's bastions of higher learning disputes this claim, arguing they possess no more worth than an animal, and have no intrinsic right to life. His name is Peter Singer, and he is a professor of bioethics at Princeton . His theory of '~prefere n ce utilitarianism" states that not all human life is worth protecting. Specifically, he advances the idea that infant children do not have a right to live because th ey have not developed con sciousness. Following from this, an infant's parents should be able to legally perform euthanasia on i~ if it is faced with a severe disabil ity or another affliction that would make ca ring for the child difficult. Singe r's theory centers around the notion that only "persons" can truly want to live and therefore have the privilege to live. According to Singer, infants, those in permanent vegetative states (PVS), and those with dementia do not possess human consciousness and consequently are not true "persons" who can desire life. In Singer's purview, the main reason why we should eliminate these "non-persons" is to make our lives easier. For example, the parents of a retarded child could/should eliminate their child because the rearing of that particular child would be a large drain on the parents emotionally and economically. The same goes for people in PVS , as Singer argues that the act of keeping them alive is an undue strain on those responsible for maintaining his life. Because neither of these "entities" are capable of human consciousness, the termination of their life is not an issue , Singer feels. At best, Singer's theory relies on our current, and very limited:- knowledge of


But the shortcomings of Singer's beliefs do not end there. According to one Au s tralian study, many people diagnosed with PVS do recover. The studJ; revealed that 58 percent of those peo ple in a PVS become co nscious within three years. In other wo rds, about SI X In every ten comatose patients that would be killed through Singer's beliefs about "nonpersonhood" would have their lives end prematurely. A Iso, Singer assumes a great deal when stating that having disabled a child is simply a burden. He ignores that a majority of parents who raised disabled or chronically ill children love their children, despite their shortcomings, and in hindsight would not have thought twice about protecting the life of their precious offspring. Singer's theory offers no limit as to

Why should animals, which obviquslydo not have human consciousness, have a greater claim to life than infant children? the function of the human brain. We know very little about the workings of the brain in normal adults. Our understanding of minds of in fa nts, the comatose, and the insane is even more limited. Singer's theory purports to rely on this information to say tha t these "entities" do nor possess true human consciousness.

the reasons why an infant could be killed. According to Singer, handicapped children are a burden to those around them, so they could be killed. Similarly, doesn't a female child constirutea burden in the undeveloped world, where male children are prized? Would Singer support infanticide for families of such females?

Pete Singer offers up a sacrifice to his canine superior Simultaneously, Singer is the founder of the N azi-like animal rights movement. In Singer's work, "Aniinal Liberation," he argues that animals do not have fewer rights than humans because they are of a different species. I n essence, he declares that animals cannot be denied equal treatment with humans . He compares our treatment of animals with the slavery African-Arner icans endured during the antebellum South. Singer's ideas spawned the outright wacko People for the Ethical Treatmen t o f Animals (PETA). Thi s group's normal activities include heckling fishermen , sabotaging research facilities , and standing aghast when others eat meat. The fact that Singer is such an animal-nut is quite ironic given his views on human life. Why should animals, which obviously do not have human consciousness, have a greater claim to life than infant children? Clearly, Singer believes his logic dealing with human life is does not

extend to animals. So why should the commonly held belief that all human beings are equal extend to animal beings? The theories Singer has advanced about the right to life of certain humans make no sense. He relies on our restricted knowledge of the human brain to decide who should live. Furthermore, he has the nerve to say that animals should share equality with humans, and that animals have a stronger claim to life than infants do. Only Peter Singer would say that a rat should live instead of a newborn baby. If Singer's deleterious bioeth ics were ever implemented, we would be one step closer to Huxley's Brave New World. IvR

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Thank God: Quayle "Quites" BY CURT ROBERTSON

"P-R-E-Z-I-D-拢-N- T. .. D' oh! "



BOTHER, DAN QUAYLE need not know how to spell this word anymore. On September 27, media whipping boy and Noah Webster wannabe William Danforth Quayle dropped out of the presidential campaign. Quayle, the first prominent Republican candidate to drop out stated that he did not have the funds to continue a productive and successful campaign. Quayle's departure from the race brings to light questions about the current status of politics and more importantly a critique of the Republican Party. The obvious question: How on Earth did he ever think he was going to win? Just the thought of "President Dan Quayle" leads many people to cry from the amount of laughter that is induced. The man had done nothing substantive since 1992 to help change his prevalent image as an incompetent bungler, besides authoring a poorly written political biography. He had no real oratory skills, as was witnessed whe~ he was badly beaten in his debates with Lloyd Bentsen in '88 and A1 Gore in

'92, a man that Quayle would have undoubtedly had to face again had he garnered the nomination. More importantly, he must have realized that the only man who could have enhanced his chances in the least, his former boss President Bush, was never going to endorse him over his own son. For that marrer, he must have also realized that all of Bush's political allies were going to lend their support to George W. Bush. Quayle's campaign was really DOA and one can only wonder what kind of people surrounded this man day

in and day out assuring him that he could pull out a win . Another question speaks of the disunity of the Republican Party. In the era of Ronald Reagan Republicanism, this type of race would have been nonexistent. Reagan was vety vocal in his belief that Republicans need to stick together and act as one cohesive force. He would be saddened to know of the way in which fellow Republicans have lambasted each other in the media , both in the current c:impaig~ and in the halls of Congress.

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The last time such Reaganistic unity was enjoyed was during the '94 Congressional races, in which Newt Gingrich engineered a cohesive national campaign, bringing together all Republican candidates under the umbrella called the "Contract With America. " Sadly, both Reagan and Gingrich are gone and unable to bring cohesion to the party. Today, we are left with renegade Republican candidates like Quayle and Steve Forbes, both of whom continue to take pot shots at front runner George W. Bush. These individuals show a lack of respect {Q both Reagan idealism and the Grand Old Party. If they are willing to debate their fellow party member on the issues or something substantive to the campaign, so be it. If not, they should back away from the campaign and throw their support to the front runner and help the party retake the White House. As for Dan Quayle, the only way he will see himself in the national spotlight again is on reruns of Murphy Brown.

Staff Writer Curt Robertson is a junior majoring in History and says, "Go out there and win Olle for the Gipper. " Unlike Bush, Curt doem't think Q;lay/e has the . b. "nose,,~ Jor t he.1o

Nuclear Power is Safe BY RYAN




HREE WORKERS POURED thirty-five pounds of uranium into a vat of nitric acid, instantly a chain reaction occurred, whose accompanying publicity compared to Godzilla's last attack on Honshu. The ensuing cobalt burst then set off another, perhaps equally as dangerous, chain reaction. Now the cavalcade of nuclear detractors has unleashed its collective disdain for nuclear power throughout the media. Some wail that nuclear reactors are unsafe. Others harp that nuclear waste poisons the earth . Yet, such talk disregards all the facts behind nuclear power, Let me correct a few common mistruths spread by the anti-nuclear crowd.

Bold-faced Lie #1: Nuclear energy harms humans more than other kinds of power. Most 路of our energy is produced through the combustion of fossil fuels: largely coal, oil, and natural gas. These sources of power are the biggest polluters of air, water, and other natural resources, acid rain and smog being just two of their noxious side effects on humans. Conversely, although nuclear opponents claim that the radiation emitted regularly by a nuclear power plant constitutes a safety risk to the surrounding area,

this attack seems ill-founded. Why, for example, do they not voice such concerns about the amount of radon gas each person absorbs per year naturally, 20,000 times the amount of radiati~n to be expected from living within 50 miles of a nuclear power plant? In addition, a coal power plant emits more radiation than a nuclear plant, because coal naturally contains uranium that is released during burning. Furthermore, coal carries with it the

waste. And yes, some of this waste will remain radioactive for hundreds or thousands of years. However, unlike the wastes from other power plants, nuclear waste is easily contained and can be safely stored. On the other hand, waste products from fossil fuels spread quickly throughout the air and eventually seep into water and the ground. Furthermore, unclear opponents conveniently ignore the government's strict regulations of the storage of spent nuclear

A coal power plant emits more radiation than a nuclear plant, because coal naturally contains uranium that is released during burning. additional cost of hazardous mining, leading to black lung disease and other associated health problems. By comparison, according to Dr. Charles Till, associate lab director at the Argonne Nationallaboratory, "no one has been killed from the nuclear part of the nuclear plant in this country, ever." Clearly, nuclear power is not a significant threat to human health.

Bold-faced Lie #2: Nuclear waste is more dangerous than the wastes of other fuels. 楼el>.. nuclear reactors do produce

fuel to keep it from leaking and harming the environment. In an attempt to further besmirch the name of nuclear power, adversaries claim that the transportation of nuclear wastes could easily harm mowrists and other:;. However, the Department of Energy refutes this claim, stating that no one has been harmed or killed by nuclear waste spilled from a truck transporting waste. La~dy, some totally uninformed people complain that the "smoke" emanating from nuclear power plants harms the environment. In actuality, the

"smoke" is just steam from the boiling water inside the reactor. The wastes produced by the average car harm the environment more that the wastes produced by a nuclear reactor in a whole year.

Bold-faced Lie #3: Nuclear reactors are a time bomb waiting to destroy the world. Nuclear power is a peaceful means of creating power for consumer, commercial, and government uses. The nuclear reactor design guarantees that it could never explode like a bomb. If a nuclear reactor were to meltdown, the core-fuel would spread out, sending it below the critical mass needed to start a chain reaction, preventing a serious meltdown. Granted, Chernobyl did meltdown, and harmed the living things around it, but that was a product poor regulations and outdated equipment. And even Chernobyl did not, nor could it, explode like a bomb. America is one of the most nuclearphobic developed countries in the world. European and Asian nations have embraced nuclear power as a sound alternative to fossil fuels. Why? Because nuclear power is the most efficient and most environmentally sound power source that is currently practical. It is time to end our groundless persecution of nuclear power. We need fewer excuses and more cooling towers - nuclear power for victory. ~


Page 16


October 20, 1999

Knock Knock. "Who's there?" "Faz."

"Hello, Faz!" POR EL SENOR GUtPE CON EL CHINAMAN DEL FUNK T'S 11 P.M. YOU'VE BEEN studying for tomorrow's exam in Math 101: "Math for Stupid People" for the past five hours. All of the sudden, you hear a distant rumbling. Is it an earthquake? The apocalypse? Lenny, the fat kid down the hall? Nope, it's just your stomach crying out for attention. "Feed me!" it cries. Whipping out your parents' credit card, you rush to the phone. But who're you gonna call? Here's a hint: "Hello, hungry person!" ... that's right, Faz Pizza! Yes, Faz Pizza, in my opinion, one of the best pizza joints in town. If you've been around here long, you've probably seen Faz's classic advertisements. Each ad not only describes the great deals Faz will give you on pizza, but also includes photographs of Faz posed with a cornucopia of famous people. Look: Faz with President Reagan! Hey, over there: Faz with Raquel Welch! Oh my, could it be ... yes! It's Faz with the entire Ed Board of the Michigan Review! The list goes on and on. Now I have to admit, when I first saw one of these ads, I was skeptical. I mean, come on, how could the owner of a small town pizza shop possibly have met all of these celebrities? Whenever I try to meet famous people, their bodyguards beat the crap out of me. Faz and I discussed this very topic when I interviewed him earlier


evety sorority girl on campus, etc. this week. It turns out that these numerMy own first encounter with Faz ocous meetings with the rich and famous curred a few months ago, and since then were not by accident. Faz makes it a point we've become quite good friends. This to check the news every day so that he historic event took place on the night of a will be sure to know when anyone famous parry that I was hosting last April. I had comes to town. Whenever a celebrity does invited over one hundred people to the show up in Ann Arbor, Faz shows up as party, so well, with naturally I a camera was exIn one pecting hand anda about ten pizza in the or twelve other. to show But up. I realwhat is ized that if Faz's secret anyone to success? planned How did to show this man, up, it once a would be simple imrude of migrant me not to from Infee d dia, beReview Staffers: "Hello, Fazl" them, and {;ome the Faz that we know and love: pizza tycoon my suggestion that we hold the party potluck style JUSt wasn't going over too well and friend to the stars! The answer lies in with the potential guests. So I decided to Faz's philosophy oflife: always greet people order out for pizza. But, being the frugal with a loving "Hello." According to Faz, person (read: cheap bastard) that I am, I this is the secret to success. As he himself made sure to shop around for the best put it, "If you greet evetyone you meet deal possible. with a loving 'Hello,' they will do anything you ask." I don't know about you, but I I called one pizza place after another, only to find that each of them wanted me plan on using this strategy on a variety of to pay outrageous prices for their stupid people, such as meter maids, the IRS guy,

pizza. Just when I was about to give up and buy twenty packages of rice cakes for the party, I ran across an ad for Faz Pizza. I had heard good things about Faz, so I decided to give him a call. I asked to speak to Faz himself, told him who I was, and asked if he could give me' a good deal on pizza for my party. Not only did he give me a good deal, he gave me a great deal! Faz agreed to make me ten large pizzas, loaded with toppings, for sixty bucks! Not only that, but he promised to deliver them personally to the party. All he asked in return was that I tell people about his pizza. Since then, we've been the best of pals. We're like family now. ''I'm gonna take care of you for the rest of your life," he said to me. In fact, he even asked me to be his Godfather. So, the next time YOll get that late night craving, order from Faz Pizza. His two new shops are conveniently located on South University and near Huron Towers. Or if you don't like pizza, order from Dinersty. They're good too. Except when they forget to give you spoons, the bastards. NR

The views expressed in the preceding article are mostly the views of Features Editor Dave 'Journalistic Integrity? What's that?" Guipe, and tW not necessarily represent the views of the Michigan Review.

The Review's Football Picks Over the past thirty years, a new branch of economic theory, the Rational Expectations School, has flourished. Among other things, this school teaches that in near-perfect markets, such as the stock market, it should be impossible to predict the future - for example, the direction of stock prices. In its extreme, the theory claims that, in the long run, even the President of Merril Lynch could not be a more successfull investor then a

group of monkeys who make investment decisions by throwing darts at a newspaper stock listing. Starting two issues ago, we at the Review decided to test this theory in another realm: football betting against the spread. For our experts, we selected the Daily's sports writers. We made our Rational Expectation picks by flipping a standard 1967 United States quarter. For our best bets, we utilized the state of the art digital technology found

in a compact elisc player. After counting how many games were predicted in a given weeks, we found a CD with the same number of tracks as games. Then, we placed the CD in the drive, and hit "random." Whatever track played became the game number that was to become our "best bet." The first time out, we, being amatures at this, couldn't seem to locate the spread for many of the games we predicted. Ac-

Week 9: October 23 1. Florida State v. CLEMSON 2. Penn State v. PURDUE 3. NEBRASKA v. Texas

5. MICHIGAN STATE v. Wisconsin 6. TENNESSEE v. Alabama 9. Kansas v. OKLAHMA STATE 10. MICHIGAN v. Illinois 12. MISSISSIPPI STATE v. LSU 13. Texas A & M v. OKLAHOMA

Week 10: October 30

14. 15. 18. 21.

GEORGIA v. Kuntucky MARSHALL v. Buffalo Ohio State v. MINNESOTA BYU v. UNLV 23. East Carolina v. TULANE 24. MIAMI v. Boston College 25. Southern Mississippi v. CINCINNATI 1. FLORIDA STATE v. Virginia

2. Penn State


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3. NEBRASKA v. Kansas 4. Virginia Tech. Y. PITTSBURGH 6. TE!'II'NESSEE Y. South Carolina 7. Florida v. GEORGIA 8. Georgia Tech. v. NORTH CAROLINA 9. KANSAS v. Baylor 10. Michigan v. INDIANA 13. TEXAS A & M v. Oklahoma State

*Best Bet: BYU* "-~"'''''''''~~~''?'''''' _'_ ~r~"

cordingly, we got the results on only 23 games we predicted, going 12-11. These past two weeks, we found the spread for all games except two (Marshall vs. Toledo and Syracuse vs. Pittsburgh). Of the remaini~g 30 games, good 01' George Washington broke even at 15-15. What follows are our picks for the next two weeks, using the rules mentioned above.

15. 16. 17. 18. 20.

21. 22. 23. 24.

Marshall v. NORTHERN ILLINOIS Syracuse v. BOSTON CoLLEGE WISCONSIN v. Northwestern OHIO STATE v. I9wn PURDUE v. Minnesota BYU v. AIR FORCE MISSISSIPPI v. LSU East Carolina v. HOUSTON Miami v. West Virginia

*Best Bet: Florida State* _


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A cork like the perfumed panties of some one night mistake. Boysenberry and raspberry in the nose, with piquant clove and subtle overtones of grass and smoke.



Ravenswood "Dickerson - Zinfandel

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1997 - Napa If you read this column frequently, you will know that we are quite partial to a certain Sonoma County winery called Ravenswood. Winemaker Joel Peterson has a knack for turning out the finest

is a complex overture, in its strength not unlike Beethoven's third Leonore. It is creamy, spicy and fiery, with butterscotch, vanilla, a nd soft, ripe berries . White chocolate and plum skins stan the attack with middling to low tannins . One of the most well-balanced Zins on the market, the Vintner's Blend restores one's faith in honesty, leaving nothing to be desired: its

Blake is the proper textual counterpart, though Shakespeare's earlier comedies will appease less savory characters. Zinfandels in California, of which his vineyard-designate series is the prime example. As opposed to the entry-level "vintner's blend" (reviewed in these pages) o r the mid-range "county series," Peterson's vineyard-designates are made with grapes from a single winery-some of California's very finest. We here review the Dickerson Vineyard Zinfandel, always near the top in annual rankings of the vineyard-designates. The cork gives no estimation of the nose's complexity. The color is a consistent ruby elegance, with hints of electric magenta-a young Zin, of course. Sultry winds of violet and vanilla in the nose whirl about a still-solid and hard-to-break core of tannic cedar, cassis, smoke, black cherry and blackberry. The Dickerson is less fruity than the "typical" Zin, treading those rarified heights to which only the greatest Zins can ascend. And, indeed, this is one of the world's finest Zinfandels. Its attack is comforting and soothing, delicately spun with all of the lush spice and soft warmth of a mother's fresh wintertime cookies. An epic evolution, first delicate for a halfmoment, then a gentle rush, floods the palate with an unprecedented barrage of the richest , warmest sensations yet seen try these- young critics. It moves from fruity cedar to springtime flora, with heavy violet and clove overtones winding up with nutty coffee in its prolonged finish. Medium tannins will mellow with age, like the precocious and obnoxious 17 -year-old in Calc II . Let it lie, friend , let it lie: drink from mid-200) to 2007. The Dickerson Zinfandel is a very special wine highly recommended for calling the soul back home, and not recommel'1ded for-well, for most everyone. Joel Peterson satisfies again. The nose

October 20, 19991


surprise lies in its consistency. Long, per· sistent coffee and dark chocolate in the finish join hands with the form of cher· ries, leaving one with the sensation of actually having bitten into a chocou.te-cOllered cherry. Exceller:.t with cirrus clouds and a dark-haired girl. Blake is the proper textual ' counterpart, though Shakespeare's earlier comedies will appease less savory characters. Easily the best Zin on the market for its low (check out Main Party Store) price. Not recommended for Matt Schwartz.

Marques de Caceres Tempranillo Blend

ish , a citrus reprise. Almost an opponent-a chess match stalemated on the palate. Best from 2001-2008. Rakhmaninov and Maple Trees are the clear companions, alothough Paganini in minor keys may satisfy those under young Birches. Not recomded for Review readers. rvR

strong cu rrents of tar and smoke, even a tinge of Marlboro Red (not that we've ever smoked such vulgar cigarettes) in the finish. Very heavy texrure, but it simply does not unfold; could benefit from more aging (this winery uses more traditional Bordeaux-type production methods than do other producers in the region) . Reminiscent of Schubert in an obnoxious mood. Not recommended to those waiting at Shaman Drum for American Culture texts.

Disagree with the paJete of Messrs. Wetmore and Keebler?

Fourchaume Premier Cru 1996 - Chablis

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Ominsous green fl airs ro the co rk lend a sulien atmosphere to a hopeful evening. A thoroughly citrus nose with slight room for apple and perhaps butter. Lemon-like infusion grapples the attack with high acidity--remarkably unoaked. Abrasive, difficult, but not altogether unpleasing. Evolution is quick and unrevealing. The fin-

They are waiting to hear your unsophlsticatad, Phillistine thoughts.

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1995- Rioja Alta Heavy plum, vanilla and blackberry permeate the dark and heady nose. Young, but ready, willing and able. Calm and patient evolution , strong and stern, not terribly expansive. The finish is forceful and herbaceous, tannic and alcoholic with bright ripe cherry and green grass poking through. For the most part well balanced, though rather high acidity. Best now with food, still too wobbly to stand on its own two feet . We give it an 88. Best enjoyed from 2004-2006. Not recommended for flaccid alterna-teens.

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1997 - Sonoma A cork like the perfumed panties of some one night mistake. Boysenberry and raspberry in the nose, with piquam dove and subtle overtones of grass and smoke. Consistent and rather deep color, despite the questionable blending practi~es in Rioja. Heavy tannins, very grapey, with




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October 20,


Main Party Shoppe Opens Luxurious New Wine Room BY WILLIAM WETMORE AND DANIEL KEEBLER


HE VILLAGE CORNER IS where you go to buy wine, right? Well sure. But what if you happen to live on the other side of town? There's always Partners In Wine in Kerry town, right? No. Partners In Wine is not a viable option, for it is is extremely overpriced, has a pitiful selection, and is run by condescending middle-aged hippies who can't know anything about wine. We would much rather shoppe at In n' Out for our wine than this odious establishment. Any place that is pretentious about its cheese, especially when it has fewer than half a dozen varieties, deserves to have a BMW put through its window. What, then, gentle reader, is the solution? Look for the Miller billboard and all will be clear! Though you might be surprised at the fact that Main Party Shoppe is, well, a "party shoppe" - complete with a wide selection of 40s, little American cocktail flags, and Bud Dry (!) - this rather harsh exterior harbors a hean that pumps the purest aesthete blood: the Brand-new Wine Room. Owners Joey and Raymond, working their business magic and customercare know-how, kindly spread their benediction to the barren womb nonh of Huron Street with this exquisite opening. Admittedly, the room, divided into equal sections between wine fit for Bacchus himself and high-end liquor, is a tad on the small side. However, its atmosphere, com-

plete with fully custom-made shelves, is thoroughly welcoming to both beginner.s and connoisseurs. This difficult and time consuming remodeling project began aU the way back in January, but the labor of. love by brothers Joey and Raymond for their Main Party Shoppe stretches further back indeed. The two first acquired the shoppe ten years ago and have since sought to constantly change with the times in order to satisfy Ann Arbor's diverse and trend-oriented customer base. Recognizing the city's rapidly expanding business sector and the growing market among 24-30 year-olds for wine, Joey five years ago began a wine infusion that has now culminated in this new specialty rooF.!. But, as he will mos! certainly teU you, it wasn', easy to jump into the arena with big play· ers like VC and Merchant of Vi no. After a short period of lackluster sab, Joey consulted Mahar from "A&J" about ~he ,:OJl~ tents of his now laughably amateurish selection. Said Joey: "Mahar came in with a black marker and said he'd mark every bottle of ours that we shouldn\ have in stock. In only five minutes, after he'd already marked 75% of our bottles', I knew it was time to change things. ]?ut, as you know, it's not so easy with wine. To improve my selection, I had to develop my own palate first. So I went from tasting to tasting and after five years I know I've really improved, but you ne\'er master wine completely. Every bottle is different for every individual palate. I just

do my best and continue to improve. That's the best you can ask for, because wine is definitelya lifelong thing." Such modesty and willingness to learn do truly set wine merchants like Joey apan from the rest. No one wants to feel intimidated or abused while looking for something to enhance their good time - especially when s/he has to pay for it! Joey seeks customers' advice on bottles bought at the shoppe and posts their tasting notes alongside the notes or accomplished wine critics, because at Main Party Shoppe, he explains, "we have a palate that will grow with yO\!." Refreshing. Bf:sides the welcoming atmosphere and personal service, .Hair. Pr:r:y Shoppe also prides itself on its excellent value. Joey offers the remarkable deal of 10 percent above cost on cases of wine, and 20 percenr above cost on difficult to come bv items. Or. the liquor side of things, the new room will soon have 60 top-of-the-line Tequibs, 30 CDgnacs including the recendy hip Cigar Cognacs and 100 single malt scotches. Oh, and the apple and pear brandies - just go see for yourself! And if you're really curious (and please be serious!) ask about the selections in (he safe. But, be forewarned: if you don't have mad Benjamins, then the safe really



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Happiness in a bottle. just isn't your place. So come one, come all of you westsiders, and yeah, a few of you east-siders too, to check-out the luxurious new wine room at the Main Party Shoppe. These guys are respectful to all who come into their shoppe, regardless of age or know-how. That's certainly not something we can say about most wine merchants. ~



Impress a Date! Go to The Earle . By



RESHNESS SHOULD BE valued. Are you nauseated by certain pretentious, overpriced restaurants on Main St. that charge $12.99 for an entree made from canned tomatoes that cost them the outrageous sum of 60 cents? I am. Oh, you too? Please say yes. So if you also find yourself a pawn in this most common of Ann Arbor hoodwinkings, I am pleased to join the recent chorus of hope in enthusiastically recommending 'The Earle.' Ok, 'The Earle' is expensive. But what in this town isn't: rent, second-hand clothing, preripped jeans, classes on "Post Colonialism and Post-modern visions of migrant workers in the age of Queer Theory?" Yes, everything in Ann Arbor is expensive. Your brow has been beaten enough by the rampant gauging of "poor" students' pockets in this town where Champagne Socialism is king. So what sets 'The Earle'

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apan? Ahhh, FRESHNESS. As employee Guadalupe Santiago emphatically described: "The Earle is the only place in Ann Arbor, and I know, where everything on your plate is made from scratch. From the pasta that the Cannelloni is rolled with to the complimentaty bread that we bring to your table, everything fresh from scratch, which plays an overwhelming role in your culinary experience. " Impressive. "The Earle" serves provincial French and Italian cuisine that leaves a distinctly memorable and friendly impression that is remarkably enhanced by its excellent wine and port selection. The care and pride behind what's on the plate is clear from the momenr YOli will enter its lowly. relaxed-I-it environmenr. The menu is not ridiculously lengthy but leaves nothing to be desired, providing for a diversity of tastes whilst maiIlnin· ing the familiariTY that one desires on a night out. Definitely the most satisfying

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dining expenence I've had here as a student; an entire evening fulfilled simply by the appetizers, the creamy garlic salad dressing, conversation joyously accessible, . brilliant! And the wine list! Pride is important for a restaurant. Not undeselved pretenliousness, but pride, authentic hard earned prid<" that's important. This is the wine list at 'The Earle.' I do have my prejudices. That I will admit. . If you've come across Complexity Theory you'd know my ra ~ te fer full-bodied Zins, particularly those of Ravem-wood. So finding two of the single vineyard Ravenswoods on the lisr made me more than a little ecstatic. I decided on the Monte Rosso, although if an;' of you have experienced the "Old Hill ," you mighr lInd my decision rather rash . Epi,:! Ravenswood has taught me r.10de~Ly. Not everything is academic, not eve;-yrhing rational, not everything explained, expressible. Have a look. Bettcr than coHege.


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Even the bathrooms! How can care and sincerity be expressed in bathroom quality you might ask? Cleanliness, proper amounts of paper towels enough toilet paper? Yes, that's all there, but at 'The Earle' there's something more. They are even innovative and considerate when it comes to the toilet. Several sections of The New York Times are placed above the urinals so one can even learn something while they go. Going is a pleasure not an everyday annoying necessity! And all of the pressure is taken off. There's a distraction . I learned about George Pataki's bid for a Vice Presidential nomination by sucking-up to George W on his recent visit to New York. Have a look. So if "corporate oligarchy" isn~t your thing or you just have elevated taste, work The Earle' into your busy student schedule. It's not the old "college try," but your palate will thank you. ~

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All Night Long! $1 .60 Bottled Beer $1 .60 Ladies' Shots


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19 and Over: Leaal 10 Drink!!!!! E~~V~CLW:r



19 & Over = Legal to Drink!


170 Wyandotte St. W. @ Victoria Windsor , Canada

(734) 669-6973 7 3 4 ) 669-NYPI> F~: 6 6 9 - 8 7 0 4


Delivery charge may apply in sorne areas.




10;00 AM - 4:00 AM 1 I :00 AM - 4:00 AM

Monday - Saturday Sunday


60S ,East: 1Ni1Iia.Rn.s.. Ann ArboR;. 1'1148104 We Accept

Son:y • .-.0 Fe.rsonal ChecJL..




Pizzas are available in three sizes &.- Sicilian: lO·inch (Personal)

IIl·inch (Medium)

IS·inch (X·Large)







.75'; 1/2 .50¢

$1.25 1/2 .75(

Specialty rizzas are available in three sizes &.- Sicilian:


IO·in<:h (renon.l)

IIl·inch (Medium)

IfHnc.h (X·Large.)





$1 1.50



each iIaft

eaoch Itcm

four Mc:ilt Combo rizza••• I ~ . '~pper()ni.

$1.75 $1.75 1/2 $1.00 1/2 $101

Ground Bee' & Ham'

Wblte rizza ••. fflkolla. I'IolZMC'I<!. Orated Cn~ ~ (""'Ii, ,

Make your favorite pizza from the

Barbecue Cbkken 1'iwI•••

combinations below:

* Pr.slo Groun<l Beef 11am

Extra Cheese Mushrooms fresh Gar1k Pepper.; EqgpIant



Meatballs • Ricotta * fda

Pineapple * Artichokes

Sausage Pepperoni

illllQ Sallee. I'1oZli«!Ua. 1\e<1 Onion <'i' !IIlQ(hjckt~ '

fresh Tomato Red Onion Anchovies

Gardea Delight rima••• (I\ro(r.oli. Spinadl. !1U5hroom. (ire.n r~per frail GaI1!( tt Oni"(lI

Spinach Olives White Onion Banana t'eppe *Chicken

SilIacII'iu.a_. (ldtucc. loma1o. Oli,,,,. 114:<1 Onion, Carrots. !leets ~ :r.cssing)

$3.50 $4 .00 $4.00 $4.00 $4.00 $4,00 $2.50 $2.00

$ 2 00 . $2.00 $1.50

SfRVEDHOT $6.00 $6.00 $6.00 $6.00 $6.00 $6.50 $5.00

Sausage (I( feppers fanniglana ... Meatball rlVllligjuam Sausage rarmJgiana ... I'.ggpIant rllTlldglaDa ••• O1k:.kalf.-migiana••• GrIIIed adcMa...


(lettuc:e. Tomato. Or. l'epper. Hl.L'ibroom) wiUI 'ham or 0dc.Iu!.a $2.50 extla

suvm COW Ham ~ Oleete... Salami ar Provolone... Italian Combo...

$ .3.50 $ 4.00 $ 2.50

$5.50 $5.50 $5.50 $5.50

Tuna ...

BUed Ziti Piua..• (Ziti, lIIcolta. l'1ou.ivclIa &: Tcmato Sati<:e'

rruII TomatO ~ 0IkkeII fiua. ••

Regular st.IC£ is $ 1.60 plus eacII topping (. $3.00 extra)

(flesh Tomato. OliCkcllllC l1ou.vcllll)


Tomato ~

a Onion

Ifrt.v. TomaIO. Onlon. (lMlk I!C Spices)


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Cheese Calzone ••• Spinach &: Cheese caJrone... Ham (I( Cheese calrone... Chicken Roll ••• VeggieRoD ••• Sausage &.- feppers KolI ••. fiu.a Bread &.-1'Iarlnara sauce... Chicken fanini ... Eggplant fanini ••• Spinac:b fanini. .. Garlic Knots...(5) Bread sticIIs.•• Bread SticII.s wI Cbeese... o.tic Bread •••

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$20.00 $12.50

All Specialty riua served by tbe SLICE for $2.35

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stuffed Meat I'iua ... (flam. Pepperoni. Sausage tr Cheese)


stuffed Vegetable rIu.a ••. {llrocroli, Spinach. Ricotta tr Mozzarella)




BoWed Water... fountain Drbdr.s.•• Medium (16 01)

l..atlJt~ :24 OlJ

AU stuffed rizza served by the Suet: for $ 2.60

Arizona Iced Tea...


$1.50 $1 .00

$1.25 $1.50

@)o'm~ I~s~~~ Baked Ziti_. Baked stuffed SheIIs. •• Baked Nanicotti•••

Balled Ravioli... Baked Neat LMagna. •• BIIIlecI \fegetabIe Laagna_

$7.00 $7.00 $7.00 $7.00 $7.00 $7.00

With meatball. sausage or meat sauce... $1 ,50 Extra


With 6roccoIt Gar1ic « Oil... With JIIarinara Sauce ••• With 1IIeatbaII... With Sausage••• With Meat Sauce...

$6.50 ,



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$6.00 $6.00 $6.00

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BAKED ZITI Salad & I Lg. Drink


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All served with Pizza l\read or Garlic Knots

StufIed Eggplant. .. (f.!I.IpIanl fIicoIta TOtrIlIIo S~ucd( MouarelJa)

1.1 . - - - - - . - - - - - --


Cbkkm rarmigiana•.• SauNge a Peppers ••. fIIeat.UU.rannigiana••• f.ggpIant Pannigiana ...

$8.50 $8.50 $8 .50 $e.!'>o

.AJI served with Pizza Bread ec choice of Ziti. Spaghetti or Salad

@)~l~f]~ $5.00

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Chef Salad••• lf~tM ~..

TO(!.i!/o. elK. umber. carrot3.

Oliw,s. flam. Sdlam; & f'rIwolone i



Greek Salad... {f.RluKe. T"llliIto, Lu<.uml>cr. <:anoo.. f ~ta Chc~~K lIcet~ ~ Reo Onion!

eaes. SahId... 1/1 SaIads... ClriIJed <lIk:kn. ••

2 Lg. Drink













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$6.25 $5.00




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B8Q Chk:kea Salad...

(I.ettLICr., T()Ill3lO, Red Onion tc BIIQ ClIidlt'1l1

with Rit:oIta Cheese

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All Salads Serve Two feople Italian Salad... 'l.dlllre, Tomato. ( v(Umber. Carrots. OJ"..,; tr MOU.<lrella,










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