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Volume 18,. Nurnber 4 .



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. The Campus Affairs Journal of the University of Michigan

MSA Censures Curtin, P&J BY RYAN




N OCT. 5, AFTER A two-week probe by a special Michigan Student Assembly (MSA) investigative committee, Rackham Rep. Jessica Marley Curtin and her Peace and Justice Commission (P&J) were formally censured for violating the Compiled Code of the MSA. This was the brutal climax of months of questionable actions taken by Curtin and the P&J. To address these matters, the MSA formed an investigative committee to report to the Assembly, headed by Rep. Josh Trapani. After rwo weeks of searching for evidence of misdeeds and discussing their findings , a report was compiled and submitted to the Assembly. The committee's report to the MSA found Curtin and the

ing. Furthermore, the committee ruled that both Curtin and the P&J should be censured for violating the Compiled Code of the MSA (specifically section 4.15). In the face of such grave consequences, Curtin and her cohorts offered a meianbe of apologies, explanations, loopholes. and excuses. Non-srudent Luke Massie, speaking on Curtin 's and the P&J's behalf, "categorically denied" any violation of the ban on summer meetings. He then stated that "(the charges] were politic~l through and through." And as a part of his apology to the MSA, Massie declared that the P&J would be open to any discussion in order to prevent future rule breaking. Then Currin told the As-

P&J in violation of the Compiled Code on three non-consecutive instances. First, the committee ruled that the article in P&J's Activist Newsletter, co-authored by Curtin, was in direct violation of MSA election rules. Moreover, the committee found that the P&J illegally convened over th e summer months, in transgression of MSA rules forbidding such meetings. Finally, the panel decided that a· flyer distributed by the P&J that supported the Defend Affirmative Action Party dearly violated MSA rules against using MSA funds to support a campaign. To redress the improprieties of Curtin and her commission, the investigai·ive commission offered three recommendations. The first involved mandating that all P&J printed material be submi rted to the MSA for approval before mass print-

See CENSURE, Page 7


N SEPTEMBER 4, 1999 , U-M students, alumni, and loyal fans witnessed a fantastic athletic event: U-M's football team came from behind to defeat Notre Dame 26-22 in one of the most exciting games in college football history. In addition, an all-time NCAA record crowd of 111,523 packed into "The Big House," otherwise known as Michigan Stadium and since some of the crowd on hand paid the University as much as $35.00 per ticket, this along with other home games has been a massive source of revenue for our university. Specifically, athletic department figures indicate that during the 1997 season, the football program grossed over $22 million in revenue - and considering its nearly $8 million in expenses, this team earned an astounding profit of over

Serpent's Tooth


Hmm ... the Daily thinks 24 hours is too long to wait to have an abortion ... we'll tell you what we think of that!


..... .. - ,.. ,~,


$14 million. Now, with all expenses paid, students must wonder: what is done with this tremendous surplus? Surprisingly, this surplu·s neither rewards the 121 football players for national championships nor does it promote athletics for the 24 thousand undergraduate students. Instead, it pays for a select group of 529 students belonging to mostly women's varsity teams, which squander millions every year. Although nearly all students lack the physical skill to play in a Rose Bowl, many enjoy a wide variety of sportS for fitness , competition, or fun - regardless of ability. But how could 529 so-called varsity athletes in sports like rowing and field hockey be entitled to millions of dollars, which they did not earn? The answer to this question can be found in a 1972 law passed by Congress known as Title IX. As passed in 1972, Title IX simply states: "No person in the United States shall,

Pro-Con Forum

Two Review staffers lock horns over Pat Buchanan and his bid for the United States presidency .....





HE USE OF RACE IN university admissions policies has recen rl y come under attack across the COlintry. U-M itself currently is a defendant in rwo lawsuits awaiting trial in U.S. District Court. The first involves rwo srudenrs who were denied admission to the University, allegedly because of their race - they are white. The second lawsuit was brought by Barbara Gruner against the U-M law school, again because she was denied admission and believes her race was the deciding facror against her. Ms. Grutter was also white.


on the basis of sex, be excluded from participation in, be denied the benefits of, or . be subjugated to discrimination under any education program or activity receivingfoderal financial assistance. " Although there is no mention of quotas for women's teams and preferential treatment for female athletes as reparation for past discrimination, several departments like the Office of Civil Rights (OCR) in the federal bureaucracy demanded that universities across the country to achieve a 60%-40% male-female participation in athletics. One of the many examples of the bureaucracy's war on male athletes includes the "Big Ten Conference's Gender Equity Policy" adopted by the Council of Presidents. As a result of this policy, institutions have added 18 new women's sports, while dropping five men's sports to achieve the

See TITLE IX, Page 17

See TEACH-IN, Page 16

Review Columnists

Publisher Jake opines on the virtues of libertarianism; Man. Ed. Colin vents about American liberal education.

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U-M "Teaches" its Students

A forum to explain and discuss the University's legal defense and its continuing support of race-based admissions took place Wednesday, September 29, in the Union ballroom. Speakers included Jeff Lehman , dean of U-M's law school, and University ProvOSt Nancy Cantor. The attorney for the University in the Grutter case, John Payton, was also present. Ms. Cantor was the first to speak, and offered a long defense of the use of race as a factor in the University's admissions policy. Affirmative action in its admissions, said Ms_ Cantor, is one of the "most important and challenging issues facing this university." She also made the claims that the country as a whole is still heavily segregated and that minorities and women are victims of the biased attitudes throughout the government and the private sector. The "basic assumption upon which our ... defense rests is the importance of race in this country at this time." Ms. Cantor further stated that minorities, especially blacks, are predomi-

U-M Loses $7M to Women's Sports BY SCOTT BEHNAN

October 6 - 19, 1999

· 13

News & Views

The U-M College Republicans and black conservatives, Virgin Mary and dung, a diatribe against China, and more!

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18 Culture We review "Better Than Chocolate," the hot new lesbian movie. Plus: ComplexityTheory!



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Object of Your Desire Waiting Period Executing Mumia Abu Jamal for the killing of Officer David Faulkner in cold-blood .............. 18 years, and counting Remaining on the infamous U-M Wait List to see if you'll get in .......................... 3-9 months Waiting for a subscription to your favorite magazine to starr 6-8 weeks Waiting for the next jam-packed issue of the Michigan Review 2 weeks Purchasing a gun 5 ddys Getting your book from Amazon. com .............................. 2-3 ddys Killing your baby ...................... 24 hours Sorority .Girl ........................... 5 minutes (depending on the amount offuzzy navels they've had)

Top 9 Bumper Stickers Seen by Review correspondants in Washington D.C. 9. Voote Qwayle! He's suports pubic skools! 8. Hillary 2000: More balls than Bill 7. Vote Forbes 2000: Because no one else will 6. Buchanan 2000: Because he's Reich! 5. Bush 2000: He's coked up and ready to govern! 4. Thurmond/Helms 2000: Don't Waste 200 Years of Experience 3. Love a Democrat! Whoever heard of getting a good piece of elephant? 2. Nixon 2000: Still not as stiff as Gore. 1. Comrade Gore for President! He'd be the best President China ever had.

The Campus Affairs Journal ofthe University ofMichigan "Ed Bradley stole my camera!"

After hearing about the activities of BAMN activist Jessica Curtin, one father of a Review reporter (an individual who, in his youth was a Socialist Labor Party activist, and general 60s lefty) offered the following comments: "Government agent, definitely. 10, 15 years after college I ran into all the activists I knew in college. They were all working for the CIA, FBI, NSA, etc. Who else would spend so much time on such crazy work?" In a recent office poll of Rroiew staffers on who is the best Stooge, Curly carne in a resounding 1st, with Shemp a distance 2nd, and close behind, Luke Massie.

For as long as any of us can remember, fire alarms have gone off on BAMN's "Day of Action," thereby turning their "rally" of a couple dozen people into what looks like a huge mob of affirmative action proponents on the Diag. The Michigan Review is conducting its first ever Day of Inaction Fire Alarm PooL Here's how it works: Over e-mail ( Review readers may send in their best guess as to when the fire alarms might go off in Angell Hall on October 21 st, this semester's Day of Inaction. The winner will have his or her name immortalized on the pages of the next Review. (Please don't pull the fire alarms yourself. This will just help the BAMNers get what they want - namely, people for their "rally."We at the Review do not endorse fire-alarm pulling.) We will await your guesses over e-mail! -The Editors


Did Review to "SOW Confusion"?


October 6,


In a Daily editorial titled "Wait for What?", our slightly more liberal friends at the Student Publications Building demonstrated their clear ignorance of the value of a human life, by claiming that 24 hours is too long to wait between when a woman talks with her doctor about an abortion, and actually goes through with it. Serpent's Tooth has decided to prove their madness, using nothing more than numerical data, with this little table:



OULD I MAKE JUST A small point concerning the editorial ("Minority Intervention Doesn't Change the Facts") in the issue of September 8, 1999? The anonymous author of this editorial attributes to the Center for Individual Rights, which is sponsoring the two lawsuits against the University, the view that "merit and merit alone should entitle one to admission at a first-rate University." In fact, this is not CIR's view, nor has this position been advocated in any legal document filed by the plaintiffs in either lawsuit. CIR's position has consistently been that admissions on a non-merit basis are entirely permissible provided that the non-merit basis is not raciaL This position is much more difficult to defend than the one that you describe, and your use of the easier position might therefore be misunderstood as an attempt to sow confusion. Bruce W. Friff

Review Provides "Valuable Service" Dear Michigan Review. I was in Ann Arbor over the weekend, and picked-up a recent issue of the Michigan Review. As a Michigan alumnus, I want to say how much I enjoyed reading your paper, and how pleased I am to see there is at least some intellectual diversity at the University. While I have fond memories of my days in Ann Arbor, I recall the knee jerk liberal, anti-intellectual atmosphere at Michigan in those days with some regret. It was the height of the anti-Vietnam War protests, as well as the Tom Hayden/Rene Davis period of socialist group thinking. While I was quite liberal myself at the time, I recall thinking that something was wrong with an intellectual institution where diversity of opinion was neither encouraged nor even tolerated. Unfortunately for current UM students, many of my peers

in that class are the faculty and administrators you are studying with today. From what I hear and read of the U of M today, it seems your faculty and administrators are arrested in the intellectually repressive past·, and are intent on perpetuating this state of mind today. The fashionable causes of yesteryear have been replaced by new causes (affirmative action, militant feminism, etc.), but the group think, totalitarian approach to dissent still seems to exist. While. each of the current list of causes have their merits, they should not be uncritically accepted as the causes were in my day. Therefore, a publication such as yours is providing a valuable service to· current students. A service, incidentally, that students may not appreciate for many years to come. Keep up the good work, and please continue to challenge liberal and conservative orthodoxy wherever you encounter it at the university.

Bill Sullivan

Class of J 972

Matthew S. Schwartz Editor-in-Chief

Jacob F.M. Oslick Publisher, Managing Editor

R. Colin Painter Managing Editor


William Wetmore Scott Behnan James Yeh Astrid Phillips Rabeh Soofi Michael Rosen Julie Jeschke

STAFF WRITERS: Hal Borkow, Brian CAlOk, Chip Englander, Dan Keebler, Ryan McClarren, Curt Robertson, Justin Wllson, Ann Yeager ALUMNI ADVISER: EDITORS EMERITI:

C.J. Carnacchlo Lee 8ockhorn Benjamin Kepple

The Michi8"tI Review is the independent. student-run journal of conservative and libertarian opinion al the University of Michigan. We neither solicil nor accept monetary donation, f~Gm :b,· L' M COntrib.utiGOS to lilt: Michixan R'''.',.·ew. are tex-deducfll.k under Secllon 501 (c)(3) of the Internal R<venue (\,d,' 111c Rfvi,·w " 1101 affiliated with any pohllcal pa.rty Of Ullll,-\~'~Sil) p.AHical group

· I I

'UnsiglleJ represcnt the opinion of the editorial board. Ergo, t:lC} are unequivocally correc' and just Signed articles, I¢tters, and cartoons represent the opinions of the author and not necessarily those of the Review. The Serpent's Tooth shall represent the opinion of individual anonymous contributors to the Review, and should not necessarily be taken as representative of the Review's editorial stance, The opinions presented in this publication are not necessarily those of the advertisers or of the University of Michigan. We welcome letters, articles, and comments about the journal. On October 5. Matt and lake had the honor of participating In a student panel on affirmative action at the University of Michigan. The interviewer? Ed Bradley. The show? 60 Minutes! 10 million people, baby ... Overall, it went very well, except for the part where Bram called Malt a racist Just kidding. The segment - which also includes interviews with Carl Cohen, Lee !lollinger, and the plaintiffs in the lawsuits against the University - will probably air some' time in December or January. We'll keep you posted!

Please address all advertising, subscription inquiries. and issue payments to Publisher c/o the Michigan Review. Editorial and Business Offices: 1'IIeMk/dgtulRniew 911 N. University Avenue, Suite One Ann Arbor, MI 48109-1265 E-mail: Web: Tel. (734) 647-8438 Fax (734) 936-2505 Copyrlgbt 0 1999 The MIdIIpn Review, I..... An rf&llta n!!IeI'Ved. The IIfIcIl/gclt R_ Is a member "'Ibe C<JIIeaIale NetwGl'k.

Love us or hate us, write us. i£hjgllllrtVi~. rom

with subjecr. "Leiter 10 the Editor" Or send mail 10: The Michigan Review 911 N. University Ave. Ann AIbor. M148109

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• • Can you legislate morality? YES! ' Sorneone's morality will become law. The question is: Whose standards will prevail? Our once-great nation drew its strengt h from a foundation of truth, justice, and Biblical pri nciples and moral codes. License and perversion, the reversal of the male and female roles. and the disintegration of the nuclear family are rapidly replacing traditional values. What role have the Federal and State governments, their mandates. and their policies played in our moral slide? What lies in the future if the direction is not reversed?



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Buchanan is Wrong VER THE PAST FEW WEEKS, PERENNIAL GOP PRESIDENTIAL comender Pat Buchanan has made noises abour bolting the Republican Parry (0 seek the nomination of Ross Perm's Reform Party, and the nearly $13 million in federal matching funds that go with it. In response, most Republican leaders have urged Mr. Buchanan (0 stay, rather then fragment the "conservative" vote, thus facilitating yet another Democratic vic(Ory. Yet with Mr. Buchanan's support currently hovering in the low single digits, it seems unlikely that a Buchanan bunny hop to the Reform Parry will throw a significant dent in the GOP's Y2K prospects. In fact, drumming Mr. Buchanan our of the GOP could constitute not only an act of moral righteousness, but also political expediency. The currem Republican strategy, repudiating Mr. Buchanan's hateful agenda while ignoring the progenitor of this venom, strikes many as disingenuous. How can Republicans claim to preach acceptance of all races and creeds, while tolerating a man who once stated, " David Duke is busy stealing from me. I have a mind (0 go down there and sue that dude for imellectual properry theft"; a man who recently a((acked the Allied powers for trying (0 s(OP Hider's genocidal expansionism in World War II? A man of whom conservative icon William F. Buckley once said that it is "impossible to defend Pat Buchanan against charges of ami-Semitism"; a man who recemly lamented that what he calls "the upper crust of sociery" (non-Jewish "Euro-Americans") do not receive their fair share of representation at elite colleges? Comments like these exceed the pale of acceptable political discourse, in(O the trough of race baiting. Further, such jingoistic lunacy does not fairly represem the Republican Party. Yct, as long as Mr. Buchanan goes around proclaiming himself Republican, he places the GOP in a bad light. He force all Republicans (0 wear his stain, and defeats any chance of appealing to traditionally Democratic minority groups (blacks, Jews, and Hispanics). Conversely, expelling him would firmly establish the GOP as a party of ethnic inclusiveness. In fact, Mr. Buchanan's presence in the race, as a third-parry candidate, might even help (0 secure the GOP nominee's rear - isolating him from liberal charges of right-wing extremism, and instantly redefining the social-issues center rightward. Second, Mr. Buchanan preaches a dangerous brand of protectionism: demanding the U.S. place high tariffs on J\lpanese, Chinese, and Mexican goods. His rationale: a gaping trade deficit between the U.S. and her principal trading partners. Yet such logic, while appealing politically (0 the simple-minded, defies rational economics. What precisely does a trade deficit imply? In exchange for useful items, like clothes, food, and electron ic equipment, foreigners have gratefully taken from us only little green slips of paper. Not only do these useful items provide benefits to their users, but (0 the entire economy as a whole - limiting the power of domestic producers to raise prices (ensuring U .S. consumers pay as little as possible), and thus squelching inflation . Perhaps Frederick Bastiat best proved the idiocy of protectionism, when he wrote this following petition on behalf of a domestic industry: "We are suffering from the intolerable competition of a foreign rival, placed, it would seem, in a condition so far superior (0 ours ... that he absolutely inundates our national market with it at a price fabulously reduced. The moment he shows himself our trade leaves us - all consumers apply (0 him; and a branch of native industry ... is at once rendered completely stagnant. " The industry Mr. Bastiat referred to was candle making, and their foreign competition the sun . Despite Mr. Bastiat's excellent satire, protectionism continues to rear its ugly head every few years. By tolerating Mr. Buchanan, the Republicans tacitly accept such views .as sound and "conservative." In reality they are nothing but. Expelling Mr, Buchanan could once again demonstrate that Republicans the party of individual freedom, including the freedom to buy what one likes, and from where one likes. 1£ could demonstrate that the Republicans, unlike the Democrats, do not approve of taxation to solve social problems (in this case, unemployment in the garmem industry), bur rather they emphasize the dynamic spirit of free-market capitalism (the natural shifting of unemployed workers to newer, high-tech jobs). In short, rather than conservatism, Mr. Buchanan represents a disgusting mix of nationalism and socialism. Individually, these two forces have led to xenophobic isolationism and stagnation, respectively. Combined, they are responsible for the greatest tragedies of the 20th Cemury. Neither of these attribures remotely resembles standard Republican ideology. However, with Mr. Buchanan serving as poster child, he can mislead Americans into thinking his ideals reflect those of the GOP. On the other hand, as a third~party candidate, Mr. Buchanan would allow the Republican candidate tb set himself apan, as a man of a promising future, not the distasteful attributes of the past; as a candidate prepared to stand up to the kind of challenges that face America, even if that means picking fights with his own party; in total, as a candidate prepared to make the (Ough choices for America, while representing all Americans. -':""Jacob EM. Os!ick


' ··

. ", .. .' " . '···':·'''October 6, 19991

Go Pat Go! America First VER SINCE PAT BUCHANAN POPPED HIS HEAD UP IN THE NATIONAL scene seven years ago, the liberal media has done nmhing but brand him as a racist and an ami-Semite. But those that have truly read his works and have formed their own opinions don't think this way. Only those sheep that take everythiug that the liberal media feeds them as truth believe this. If fully understood, Pat Buchanan will come out as a grcat American, if not a great president. People claim that Buchanan is anti-Semitic because he made statements that criticized ~he pro-Israel lobby in Washington . Does criticism an anti-Semite make these days? He was simply stating what he thought. He thought that American interests were taking a back seat to Israeli interests, . a statement that mayor may not be true. He's simply sticking to his America first policy. The Arabs seU the United States oil, Israelis don't. The Arabs control the Suez Canal, the Israelis don't. Arab spies haven't been caught steal:ng American military secrets, Israeli ones have. Simply stating that American foreign policy in the middle east is too pro-Israel does not make him an antiSemite. Buchanan has been accused of making several "racist" comments because he has spoken ou t against immigration - especially illegal immigration - and multiculturalism. He's accused of being a racist because he laments the loss of America's melting pot and is adamant about making immigrants learn English. Is that so wrong? Many immigrants today are coming over to America as economic mercenaries. They come to leech off of A.merica's vibrant economy, without ever wanting to truly become Americans . He has said that there should be no hyphenated Americans. What's wrong with thaI ? I mmigranrs coming to America should come to America seeking to be free, and to be free to practice their own religion, to speak their mind, and to associate with whomever they want to, not just to make a big fat American paycheck They should be willing to become the melting pot that made America great, not the salad bowl of recent years that has seen America on a decline. America is nation. of immigrants, and her culture is a conglomerate of cultures, brought over by the millions of immigrants that have come to toil on the land, from sea to shining sea. America started out an English colony, yet we don't have tea time every day. America had a great number of German immigrants during the 18th century, yet people don't consume bratwurst and sauerkraut on a regular basis. Likewise, all immigrants should learn to speak English, like all immigrants before them. Why should immigrants today be treated any differently than the immigrants of yesterday? They made it, struggling to learn English, teaching their kids to learn Engl ish. It's been said that America and England are separated by a common language. Do the English know what "chutzpah" is? Probably not. Yet this word has made it into the vocabulary of millions of Americans. Do people in England know what "cajones" are? Again, probably not. But most Americans will be able to understand if it were said that someone had SOr:1e big cajones for doing something. Watching a game of football on the tube has a totally differem meaning here than it does in England. Buchanan doesn't expect immigrants to speak the Queen's Eng-lish, rather, he wants them to speak the American English that was created in the over two centuries of American history. American English is a delicate mixture of all cuitures, just like America is a delicate mixture of-all cultures. immigrants shouldn't disregard their heritage, but they should recognize that .America is their home now, not just some other country. They must see themselves as American citizens, American citizens that must recognize the principles that made Ameri ca free . Buchanan's views on American foreign policy have been under attack numerous rime.~ . Again, he's seeing things through American interests first. He adheres to George Washingwn's warning against foreign entanglements. He got a lot of flak for saying that Nazi Germany didn't present a threat to American interests in World War II. He saw it as the Germans going after the Soviets, except the French and the British had to get in the way. J-lider's plans for conquest were outlined in Mein Kampf, which was published in 1924, ,1 good nine years before he'd become chancellor. Buchanan didn't see America threarened. German forces weren't interested in war with America, and in fact, Hitler was very angry at the Japanese for provoking war with America. Whether Buchanan's views on American involvement in the war were right or wrong can be debated until the end of time. Nevertheless, these aren't pro-Hitler views; rather, they are pro-American. Buchanan's stance is pro-American, in every issue. He's not coddling special interest groups to get their votes. He's sticking to his guns, telling the truth, even if may cost him a few votcs, which is more than his fellow Republicans are doing. The truth may be ugly, ~nd it may hurt, but nevertheless, it is the truth. And until people realize that Pat Buchanan spews truth, rather than hate, he will remain a racist anti-Semite in their eyes, rather than a patriotic American. Mt - James Yeh


Assistant Editor James Yeh sees himself not as a Chinese-American, but as an American , no kyphens. Send comments to

Page ~.5


October 6 .. 1999

Pencak Si{at



Self-Defense ~ANCIENT4






N THE LAST ISSUE, THE REVIEW USED A QUARTER TO PICK football teams in accordance with the Rational Expectations Theory. Essentially, the top twenty-five teams in the NCAA were choosen at random to com peate against the Daily's "expert" picks. During week four's games, in which the Review and Daily went head to head, the Review had 6 wins and 4 losses, whereas the Daily picked 21 winners and 19 losers. During week five, we went 6 and 7. We were too lazy to figure out how the DaiLy did. Essentially, George Washington beat the Daily's experts in the first line up. And now good 01' G.W is back for another round! The picks were made using a standard 1967 United States quarter, flipped using the typical thumb action and allowing the quarter to hit the ground. In every game, one team was heads, the other tails. Whoever won the toss was to be the random pick. The best bet used the state of the art digital technology found in a compact disc player. After counting how many games where predicted in a given week, we found a CD with the. same number of tracks as games. Then, we placed the CD in the drive, hit "random," and whatever track played became the game number that was to be the random best bet. Predictions were made on all games involving top 25 teams, as of this printing. The predicted winner, against the spread, is in CAPS.




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In .Defense of Libertarianism ''More often than not you hear so-calkd conservatives constantly singing the praises ofthefree market and stressing individualism rather than speaking about tradition and the spirit ofcommunity. The libertarians have so polluted the intelkctual waters oftrue conservatism with their ideological filth that many conservatives now have trouble distinguishing between the two . .. -Cj. Camacchio. The Michigan Review, 411199

OR THE PAST FEW MONTHS I've been salivating at a chance to respond to fellow Review columnist C.J. Carnacchio's diatribe on my intellectual countrymen, with a classical-liberal cou n ter-assa ul t. Specifically, ta ke issue with Mr. Carnacchio's talk of conservatives needing to defend "tradition," and "comJacob EM. munity. Of Oslick course. what conservatives really mean when they speak of such values is some form of gOV" ernment regulation of personal behavior. After all, political philosophy is not so much about mental pathways (everyone favors their conception of "community" and "tradition"), bur the halls of enforceable power. In a sense, conservatism con-


stitutes moral authoritarianism, with the belief in certain universal virtues that should be imposed, and traditions uphold irregardless of cost. In reality. of course, conservatives sometimes ignore this intellectual heritage. Thus, even though slavery was an essential part of the human condition for generations, I think you'd hardly find a conservative supporting its reinstitution on the grounds of "tradition." Still, while accepting that past traditions may err towards evil, conservatives fail to apply this logic to the present day. Thus, self-identified conservatives form the assault lines in batrles against gays, they continue tc support tyrannical drug and prostitution laws, all upon the grounds of "community" and "tradition," not to mention "virtue." Mr. Carnacchio is correct to ~ay I consider myself heir to the original ideals of the French Revolution. Indeed, I constantly reaffirm that, if government repressive becomes intolerable, a citizen has not only the right but the obligation to revolt. Mr. Carnacchio, on other hand, feels that oppression today is just, provided one's ancestors w~re oppressed in a similar fashion a century ago, and thus such tyranny can be considered a "tradition," or "virtue." What they continuously neglect, though, is that "virtue" is not universal, but subjective based on personal opinions, and on the gulf of time (as it becomes a tradition). As Prof. Ralph Williams lectured on Dante's anti-semitism, in a freshman year course of mine, "For-

give liS our virtlles 0 Lord, for we know not what we do. " Conversely, Libertarians have nothing against "tradition" in general; they simply feel it should be limited by two general rules: 1) One's cultural traditions should not be imposed on another lacking those customs; and 2) One's traditions mustn't violate the inalienable rights of another. Accordingly, despite being a steadfast classical liberal, I hold tight to beliefs and traditions considered antiquated by most of the world - from creationism to calling out thrice daily for the restoration of animal sacrifice. Bur, as a classical liberal I limit my demands the right for me to act and worship as I wish, without demanding likewise of others. Conservatives often make this mistakt:. Nowhere else is this more clearly elucidated than in our totalitarian drug law system. A conservative feels that, because it offends his moral sensitivities, people shouid must be prevented from purchasing substances they feel will increase their enjoyment. The libertarian looks at the drug trade from a different perspective: the dealer profits because he is able to exchange goods he doesn't want, for money to buy things he'd rather consume. The buyer purchases a substance he evidently considers more valuable then the bundle of goods he otherwise would have spent that money on. Effectively, both parties profit from trade. From the classical liberal "iew, only this matters: that

an informed consent between two willing parties occurs. The sensitivities of others are irrelevant, as they are not direct parties to the transaction, and as such have no moral right to declate their world view superior to that of their fellow. In short, the libertarian agrees with John Stuart Mill that "the sole end for which mankind are warranted either individually or collectively, in interfering with the liberty of action of any of their number is selfprotection. " It is precisely because of this doctrine that libertarians often get confused with anarchists, or receive attacks such as the one Mr. Carnacchio threw last June: "Many libertarians worship the free market as if it were a religion - indeed many have no trouble replacing the cross with a dollar sign." The reality, of course, is that, while classical liberals place a high value on individual choice, they recognize certain instances where government regulation is a necessity. Indeed, liberals often seem quite surprised by some non-market methods I favor, such as a per-unit tax on pollution, or third-world debt relief. Yet I carefully take this verse from Hayek's The Road to Serfdom to heart: "The fact that we have to resort to the substitution of direct authority where the conditions for the proper working of competition cannot be created does not prove that we should suppress competition where it can be made to function ." ~ l.E'ITEru@MICHIGANREVIEW.COM

Liberal Education is Ruining America R.

Austria were recognized as world leaders of science and engineering. Fifty years and two world wars later, N MODERN HISTORY, THERE IS America stood at the pinnacle of world a strong correlation between the inpower. Her gross national product was ternational preponderance of a nation to the rest of the nations of the world equal and the quality of its educational system. combined. American troops defended At the turn of the century, Britain ruled democracy from Germany to Korea , and something like a fifth of the population scientific breakthroughs in aerospace and the entire world. Her navy ruled evety sea, atomic research seemed to~nsure her her armies were effectively subjugating Africa . and her policies dictated world trade place at the world's helm. Again . like the British fifty years before, American and diplomacy. Right or wrong, it was imschools, both primary and secondary, ,vere pressive . the envy of the world . Incidentally, the British also pioSkip ahead another fifty years. An-,.::rineered free compulsory elementary educan economic primacy is challenged Jaca tion. Class divided as they were, the pan, Germany, South Korea, and a swiftly British government provided an education modernizing China. Factories st and to even the lowest laborers' children. As a result, Britain soon had one of the highempty, and suburbs sprawl even Faster as est literacy rates in all Europe, not to the old industrial cities continue their long mention the world. The other great im- , collapse. Elementary students can't do perialist powers also had varying degrees math equations, and high school graduates can't read their diplomas. American of public education, and Germany and BY



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colleges are filled with foreigners, and one sixth of all her engineering students are foreign born. Bur what of her competitors? Japanese and Korean elementary students , are learning algebra , while American kids learn that winning doesn't matter. European high school students are almost universally bilingual, and most are taught advanced calculus and chemistry. Meanwhile , American high schoolers take classes like "woodshop" or "cooking." Some of these classes have merit, but when American students are consistently beaten apd hum iliated in standardized math and science tests, and not just by Germans 2nd Japanese but Bulgarians and Taiwanese, it is time to get back to baSICS.

American secondary schools, like UM, are increasingly frustrated by incoming students' scholastic inability's, and their increasing enrollment in remedial or pre-

paratory classes is an embarrassment. Most American high schools teach very little calculus or advanced chemistry, and almost never make them a requirement for graduation. In many East Asian and European countries, they are mandatory. It is no wonder, as so few American students are qualified, that so many of the engineering students at American colleges are foreign born. Granted, the loss of industrial jobs to the cheaper labor markets in Mexico and Asia have placed greater pressure on the increasingly service based American economy. However, this is <tnly another reason why American primary schools must somehow revive themselves. The key, obviously, is to search out the reason for their decline in the first place.

See LIBERAL, Page 14

IOctober 6, 1999


, '. 'Page


The End of an Era Tiger Stadium Will be Sorely Missed BY RYAN




N MONDAY, SEPT. 27,1999, the sun set on an era of Detroit and Michigan history. The day before, } stood there, in Tiger Stadium, encompassed by the blue steel and green grass. I could see all the strikes thrown, smell the peanuts roasting, hear the crowd roaring. Yes, this was the place. The gods of baseball had anointed this place. The likes of Cobb, Ruth, Williams, and Mantle played within its walls. Generations of fans came to see the game they loved. This was the end. Yes, Tiger Stadium was t~ be no more. After tomorrow no more memories would be made, no more records would be broken; no one would celebrate a victory, or mourn a defeat. The fans came from everywhere. The streets were filled with the faithful, all marching to Michigan and Trubell- The Corner. They came to pay their last respects to the mother of so many moments that would not be forgotten . As the sun shined overhead, people smiled. They remembered all the times they had come here before. Children laughed in antici.

Censure Continued from Page 1 sembly that any censuring of her actions "has moral implications." Later, referring to her actions, Curtin said, "It was not a sneaky thing done behind the scenes."

pat ion of witnessing a game of baseball. The street vendors spoke of all the memories. Ticket takers and ushers had a gleam in their eye. Some fans kissed the stadium. Others took pictures remember their time there. This was not just a moment for the people of Detroit. It was the ending of a

Looking out, the crowd offans was like a sea of pure enthusiasm, as their beloved players took the field. Every play was greeted with the cheers of the crowd. This was baseball. chapter in baseball history. I spoke with people who had traveled from throughOut the country just to experience baseball played on this hallow ground. One such traveler was Bob Costas, who venerated the stadium much like a hometown fan. He came with his son to experience this field as a fan rather than a reporter. This was the way baseball was meant to be .played. A warm, sunny, afternoon

effort to renew the city of Detroit. It was an effort to stimulate the foundering city. I was one of those who wanted a new home for the Tigers. And while I still believe that we need to move on, I now understand the history and power contained in the oi.d, grand Tiger Stadium. Filled to capacity, that stadium filled with screaming fans was absol;ltely breathtaking. I was not just witnessing an exhibi-

pleased with the committee's finding and asserted that, "this is how the Assembly runs when people do their homework. " However, Rep. Rory Diamond was not assuaged by the outcome of the investigation. He thought that two-time election rules violator Curtin should have been punished more severely. "Curtin once again was throwing rules and regulations

and that this is just another chapter in the book of Curtin's exploits. One speaker mentioned that this motion was not part of a personal vendetta against Curtin , BAMN, or the DAAP, but a necessary step in uncovering what really happened with the many Curtin scandals. The rejoinder of those constituents opposed to investigating the circumstances of the issue was less eloquent. These speakers forsook traditional legislative courtesy and in the opinion of one witness, "resorted to profaning their opinion and themselves." During the speeches of the constituents in favor of an investigation, those members of Curtin's entourage present mocked the stances of the different thinking speakers and laughed aloud. Then in their own tirades, Curtin's cronies crossed another level of decency. Jody Mosley, q student in the law school, spouted expletives at President Elias and the assembly in gen-

In the face of such grave consequences, Curtin and her cohorts offered a melange of apologies, explanations, loopholes, and excuses. The only other person speaking against the findings of the committee was Rep. Jasmine Abdel-Khalik, addressing mainly the wording of the findings and the Compiled Code. She began her speech by saying, "I am all up on this language." AbdelKhalik went on to claim that the wording of the Compiled Code exonerated the P&J from violating the rules against summer meeting. These explanations were too bitter a pill to swallow for the members of the MSA and, in an overwhelming majority of 20 to 6, they passed all of the committee's recommendations. After the meeting, MSA President Bram Elias was

greeted the players from both teams. Looking out into the crowd of fans was like beholding a sea of pure enthusiasm, as their beloved players took the field. Every play was greeted with the cheers of the crowd. This was baseball. Only a little while ago most people were in favor of a new stadium. It was an

to the wind," Diamond told the Review. Nike-clad P&J Chairother Curtin dodged questions with a single statement despite previous promises to foster open communication. "} will not talk to [the Review] because I do not believe you are a legitimate news outlet," Curtin snarled. The investigative committee was formed two weeks ago in a bipartisan movement by the MSA. The motion to form this committee was greeted with much ballyhoo, constituents from both sides of the iSsue coming in droves to say their piece. Those who spoke in favor of the motion were quick to point out that this incident certainly was not isolated,

tion of a traditional America sport. This was an entire city coming together, to remember rhe past. cheer for the present, and hope for the future. Everyone in the stadium was so different, yet so similar. People ftom every walk of life, every race, and several generations were at this place to see the 01' ball game one last time. Over the years, Tiger stadium has given so many people so many memories. It has been the home of champions and also-rans, a pantheon for heroes and a refuge for goats. In its history the stadium is more than just the sum of its collective win-loss records, statistics, and players. This place is a symbol of the past we can easily remember. but can never again relive. except in our memories. The home of the American pastime, the hall of legends, the memories of summer days gone by. These are Tiger Stadium. As baseball moves from the Corner to Comerica, the stadium is not really gone. The memories of baseball, hot dogs, and souvenirs will never go away. Thank you Tiger Stadium. We will miss you . ?-.R

eral in her speech against the resolution. Then one unidentified Rackham student resorted to calling the opposition names such as "homophobes" and "bigots." The assembly was not cozened by this passionate fUse offered to derail the passing of this motion. The MSA did approve , this morion and an investigative committee was formed comprised of random members of the assembly. When reached for comment about the need for an investigation, President Elias stated, "That was clearly the way the Assembly felt. " Although this series of misconducts by Curtin and the P&J is now over, if the past is any indicator, this will certainly not be the end. Diamond made this clear when speaking about the persistence of Curtin's waggish behavior, prophesying, "This will happen again very soon." Unfortunately, he is probably right. ?-.R

Want to write for a "legitimate news. outlet"?

Don't.join the Review. Meetings on Mondays at 7 p.m. 3rd floor, the Michigan League Take. right off the III wlllar .nd go aI the way down the hal. (No il._in.1 RIdchIm MSA repa need IIPPIY.)

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..OCto~r 6, 19991 .


Better Dead Than Red BY JAMES


AST WEEK MARKED THE fiftieth anniversary of the formation of the People's Republic of China. The Red Chinese celebrated with the largest parade in their country's short, but bloody history. But what were they celebrating? Fifry years of bloody repression and no freedom? Obviously the government would celebrate - they've been living it up for fifty years, while trampling the people that they're suppose to be ruling, all in the name of keeping order. Let's start from the beginning. On October 1, 1949, Chairman Mao TseTung declared the founding of the People Republic of China (PRC) in Beijing. Then the killing starred. It's estimated that up to a up to a million people were killed in the Communist's campaign to rid the land of landlords. In 1950, in addition ro exploding across the Yalu River, the PRC, in an attempt to "liberate" Chinese territories, conquered Tibet. After brutally suppressing a rebellion in 1959, the Reds started a bloody campaign of eradicating Tibetan culture. The Dalai Lama escaped to India, and a puppet Lama was installed. People from different parts of the PRC were forcibly settled in an attempt to have the Tibetan culture eventually blend in. Today, Tibet is still ruled by Beijing. Then, in 1958, came the ill-begorten, and poorly named, "Great Leap Forward." Chairman Mao, intent on turning Red China into an industrialized nation , mobilized the nation's vast manpower and had them put a steel furnace in every village. The people enrhusiastically complied, their thinking twisted by Communist propaganda. They manned their furnaces, and put · out a lot of crappy steel. By calling the masses to work on his little pet project, Mao had neglected the fields, setting his country up for the greatest famine in recorded history, with an estimated 43 million people dead. Of course, the Communists would admit to "only" 20 million dead. In 1966, in an effort to shore up support, Mao launched the Cultural Revolution. Fanatical Red Guard units destroyed anything Western, ancestral graves were desecrated, millions rounded up and sent to re-education centers. The mere act of scratching your back with your copy of Mao's little red book would get you fifteen years at one of these camps. My Chinese teacher in high school recounted her Cultural Revolution experience to us in class one day. She was sent to a reeducation cenrer in the south of Red China, and for a while, subsisted on leaves and bark off trees. Surely she was not alone


in suffering these conditions, and surely many weren't as lucky. In April of 1989, university students gathered in Tiananmen Square to mourn the death of Hu Yaobang, a former Communist Party general secretary with reformist views, later forced to step down. This led to a pro-democracy demonstration that lasted for weeks, until the government moved in with troops and armor, guns blazing. The government has never admitted the exact number of dead, and furthermore barred local hospitals from releasing any numbers, but Western estimates range from hundreds to thousands killed. Last week, the Red Chinese celebrated their achievements and accomplishments in their 50 years of existence. And they have every right to . After all , killing an estimated 80 million of your own people between 1949 and 1987 is quite an accomplishmem for any hation. Why does the United States recognize totalitarian People's Republic of China, instead of the democratic Republic of China? Why did we recognize the Republic of China for thirty years before giving it up to the Reds? It would be more understandable if the United States had at first recognized the Reds, and then switched recognition to the Republic of China after seeing how oppressing the People's Republic of China was; having it the other way around boggles the mi!1d. What made President Jimmy Carter recognize the Reds? It surely couldn't have been political. The United States was an ally of President Chiang Kai-Shek for decades. President Chiang offered to help the U.S. military numerous times, including an offer of ground troops for assitance in the Korean and Vietnam conflicts. Meanwhile, the Reds had stormed across the Yalu River, pushed United Nations forces down the length of Korea, and gave North Vietnam arms and technical support. What makes Carter's decision even more confusing is his stanch support of human rights. This is the same man who boycotted the 1980 Summer Olympics just because the Soviet Union invaded Af· ghanistan in 1979. Chiang was no angel, as the Republic of China was under martiallaw until 1987, but his human rights abuses came nowhere close to those made by the People's Republic of China. So was it big business? Definitely. Big business is drooling at the prospeCt of selling their wares to 1.3 billion people. Today, Boeing sells jumbo jets to Red Chinese airlines. The People's Liberation Army operates Sikorsky S-70C helicopters, which are almost identical to the U.S. Army's UH-60 Blackhawk helicopters. Lockheed Martin sells satellites to Red ..












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China. General Electric sold them gas turbines that run PlAN ships. The United States has sold so much technology to Red China, why don't we just conquer the Republic of China for them and save them the trouble? Hell, we wouldn't want any of those 1.3 billion consumers to die . in a war that we can easily win for them. Why do we continue to support a regime that has killed millions of their own people? Why don't we recognize the Republic of China? It is now completely democratic, with one of the highest standards of living in Asia. Its citizenry enjoys almost all inalienable human rights such as the right to free speech, press, religion, and peaceful assembly with no strings attached. The PRC isn't democratic by any means, and while it does claim to guarantee the right to free speech, press, religion, and peaceful assembly in their revised Constitution, it does so only with strings attached. We back the democratic Korea over the communist Korea, we backed the democratic Vietnam over the communist Vietnam, and we backed the democratic Germany over the com- . munist Germany. In two of those three cases, American blood was shed defending democracy over communism. Should lucrative business get in the way of our democratic ideals? ~'hy haven't the students at this University spoken up about the horrors of the PRC? Where were the huge protests when we discovered that the PRC stole our nuclear secrets? Why haven't the prochoice groups assembled on the Diag even though millions of Chinese women have their "choice" taken away when they're forced by the government to abort their babies? Why do students protest because University apparel is made by child workers for piddling, while no one has occupied the Fleming building over the millions of Chinese orphans that starve to death, sometimes intentionally, every year? Are we, as students, hypocrites? The PRC stole nuclear secrets from ..



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the United States, and we've done nothing to retaliate. They now possess destructive technologies that would have taken decades to develop on their own. Yet when we accidentally bombed their embassy in Belgrade, protests broke out all over the PRC, with protesters vandalizing American buildings. They somehow feel that they've been victims of the West for years, but they are only victims of their own ineptitude. They've allowed themselves to be ruled by a brutally oppressive regime, and they shall remain victims until they decide to free themselves from the chains of communism. We, as .Americans, must defend liberty and democracy instead of coddling a murderous regime. As President John F. Kennedy said, "Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe, to assure the survival and the success of liberty." Does a country that has killed so many of their own citizens deserve our friendship? Does a country that is so obviously an enemy of freedom deserve to be free from the aim of American warheads? Doesn't a modern democracy and longtime ally like the Republic of China deserve the right to decide their nation's future, whether it includes declaring independence or not, without a big bully like the PRC threatening them with destruction? We, as Americans, have to remember the ideals that made America great, and we have to preserve those ideals, even if that means our economy suffers a bit. We have to stop viewing those 1.3 billion people in the PRC as 1.3 billion consumers and cheap laborers, and recognize them for what they are: 1.3 billion people living under the yoke of oppression, and who have done nothing to stop it. Mt

Phallocentric Pronouns BY

187 & 420 PPIM

Bam! PPIM Declares Brawny Paper Towels Phalo-logo-eurocentric


By OMRADES FROM ALL OF our Honorable Chapters of the Pol Pot International Movement (PPIM) converged on Klan Arbor, MichiKlan last weekend for the annual Party Conference on gender-neutral pronouns (GNP's). Despite the Grand Successes of the first seventeen hours of deliberation , in which the term " herm" was adopted when three gender-dissonant comrades arrived. "I self-identify as gender-dissonant, and so adamantly oppose the use of any GNP containing the letters 'h,' 'e,' 'r,' ' I,' and ' m,''' said a heated Comrade 222 after the conference. "Any kernel of phallocentrism is unacceptable." But others had concerns: "If anyone has any historical perspective on the development of languages, particularly those in Nicaragua," said a Comrade 567, "that persyn would know that for miIlennia, only men were permitted to speak, and, even into this century, Wimmin in certain KKKountries were not allowed to read, or look at printed material , or listen to men talk . Rather, they were forced to throw rocks at one another in order to communicate," continued the Comrade. "Hence, I propose we aboli sh all language in the coming Revolution ." Comrades from several First Nations Parties attended and suffered unheard-of abuse from a group of reaKKKtionary right (WRONG)-wing extremists . The prote$t ( o$teron)er$, identi fy i ng them$elve$ as reporter$ from the campus KKKon$erv(themselves)ative paper, were overheard $peaKKKing of "dem ' redskins over there," and one said, "I wi$h I KKKould de$troy all First Nations , just like my KKKoloniali$t pig ance$t(horr)or$-that is, after I pa$$ the raci$t ballot threat!" The reaKKKtionarie$ were quic~ly dispelled from the scene with rocks, but were heard to say, "The MichiKKKlan revi$ioni$t will live on! A$$imil(h)ate into our ameriKKKan KiUture!" Apparently the MichiKKKlan revi$ioni$t is the campus conservative pa. per. We at PPIM would like to note that revi$ioni$m certainly has an all-too-strong pa$t, and, at least until the Revoluti on, looks to have a bright future . The future of gender-neutral pronouns looks bright, as aI)o$er conference is set for Novembe\", the goal of which is to adopt gender-neutral po$$essive· pronouns for provisional pre-Revolutionary use. lR




420 AND 187PPIM

NYONE WHO HAS plopped in front of the TV $et for a look at KKKon$umeri$t amcriKKKa's most desolate wasteland has no doubt seen PPIM' s "Most Masculine (read: Ma$$KKKilling) Fictional KKKorporate Pawn" of 1999. Who, you ask, deserves such a heinous label '? WeIl , think: rape , environmental destru c tion, misog y ny , mustaches, and flannel s hirts. Think of a man who believes himself every housewife' s deepest sexual fantasy. Think . .. the Brawny paper towel man! A recent Brawny commercial depicteu a miserable, withered housewife scrubbing away at a floor soiled over countless years by her-no doubt-hu$band (read: hi$


bond) and little $on$. This is bad enough, but when the Brawny man arrives, he presumes that the womyn is totally incapable of accompli shing the task delegated to her by {he Phallaristocracy of 20th -Century AmeriKKKa. He undertakes to clean the floor for her, but at the KKKommerical's close, he disappears once again , leaving her alone with a roll of Brawny brand pa-

man showed up on the scene for a bit, did his deed, and left again. This is typical of most marriages, but note also that, without the male's unrequited "gift," the womynecstatic at the commercial's end-would be unable to accomplish her task AT ALL. Now, the womyn obviously is a viKKKtim of fal$e con$ciousne$$ for I ) taking on the job of cleaning male dirt off a floor, and 2 ) being pleased at the Brawny man ' s come-and-go (yes, pun intended) stint, but let's leave herm aside for a bit and dea'! with the Brawny man . We presume first of all , from his muscular appearance and flannel, that he is a lumberjack and rapist of the earth . But watching his smile shift throughout that course of the commercial, one would think that he has in mind the rape of something else: the womyn on the floor, bent over. with rump in the air. And the lovely roll of paper towels in his hand seems eminently phallic, and perfect for multiple uses in house and home . Other controversies surrounding the Brawny man include the question -of whether he is phaIloLOGOeurocentric. It goes without saying that Brawny is clearly a eurocentric opre$$or, but whether he is actually logocentric has been a matter of heated dehate in Pol Potist circles for some time now. The question here is simple: WE'VE all heard the Brawny Man 's booming voice sending shivers through the collective spines of Comrades everywhere. But can the Brawny man write'? An anonymous University professor currently penning an article on this topic told the People 's Review, "Certainly we might think that the Brawny man would be illiterate and, hence, unable to privilege meaning over linguistic free play while experiencing the pleasures of the text. However, even ifhe can't read, it goes without saying that he is in dire need of rethinking the Other." IR

We presume first of ail, from his muscular appearance and flannel, that the Brawny man is a lumbeljack and rapist of the earth. per :owels. Notc that, prior to the Brawny man's arri val. this womyn was toiling away yet unable to accomplish her task; the Brawny

Inlide t"is glUe:

Our Dear Leader and Commissar Lee Bollinger salutes his devoted followers on Oktober 1st, to mark day of glorious People's Revolution.

• • •

The ProletariaU's Tooth The People's Mandatory,$urvey The People's Gl()l'io~~tOJial r;,

A~rtothe Peop~'s ~.,

A liSt ofTreasonous Courses And much, mudkm~Oomradest · ,

IPage 2



In the final issue of the pseudo-facsist Michigan Review (which has now been claimed in the name of the People), reactionary Julie Jeschke complained about the plethora of vermin on campus. We agree - the CR's, the ex-Michigan Review etc. Ha Ha Ha! Is very funny Comrades, no? Of course, we know Ms. Jeschke was referring to sub-human vermin: mice, squirrels etc. Interestingly, we still agree with her position. As Great Proletarian Sage once said, "We must kill moose and squirreI! We must kill moose and squirrel!" Speaking of the CR's, a People's Review revolutionary correspondant attended their recent meeting. At the gathering, the CR's spoke about uSIng vouchers to rejuvinate inner-city public schools. Just





Oktober I was day of glorious Chinese Communist Revolution! We celebrated with the usual events: 9 a.m. Tibetan Piiiata Smashing on People's Diag;

10 a.m. Chairman Mao Think-a-Like Contest (Losers were executed!); 12 p.m. People's Lunch (Menu: Barbecued Christian and Falun Gong); 2 p.m. Invaded Taiwan and South Korea; 4 p.m. Threatened Los Angeles with nuclear destruction (used missiles obtained though operation Blow Clinton); 6 p.m. Festival ended. Sent in tanks to disperse crowd. 7 p.m. Donated $1,000,000 to Democratic Party (funding obtained from the 2 p.m. sacking of Taipei); 7:30 p.m. Opened fortune cookies using skulls of political prisoners.


LTHOUGH MOST individuals are unquestioningly loyal to PUM, there are a few who refuse to comply with party dogma. Normally, these enemies of the state can be dealt with in a swift and brutal manner, preventing them from undermining the glorious PUM with their bourgeois lies. Although the PUM is working very hard to control these non-conforming factors, our forced-labor camps are only so large and the Re-Education Center has only a limited capacity. Thus, to ease the burden upon both you and the secret police. we have complied a few basic rules to use when engaging in politically orthodox course selection. RUle #1: Read the course descriptions provided. There is a good chance that a course that defies the doctrines of the party will make some mention of this in their course description. If a course description contains phrases like "realworld applications" or "economic decision making," chances are that it will do no more that prepare you to be a cog in the machine of capitalism. Rule #2: Being listed in one of the "capitalist swine" fields , such as Engineering or Finance, is a good indication that a course is designed to prepare you for a role as a bourgeois exploiter rather than a loyal worker. Rule #3: Examine the reading list to see if the works are ill accord with party doctrine. If the reading list contains works by or containing reference to dead

white males, such as John Locke. Wolfgang Pauli, Isaac Newton, Thomas Jefferson, Jean Bernoulli, Albert Einstein, and Adam Smith. Note that there are two exceptions to this rule, Das Kapital and The Communist Manifesto, both of which are in accord with the doctrines of the PUM despite deadwhite-male authorship.

tion, this course teaches students how to use their preexisting capital to extort even larger sums of capital from the work of the proletariat without even lifting a finger. Students learn how to prepare and evaluate the accursed "portfolios" of the bourgeoisie. continuing thc cycle of economic repression by which the rich get richer and the poor get poorer.

Many courses are designed to prepare you for a role as a bourgeois exploiter rather than a loyal worker.

Math 116: Calculus II This course earns our condemnation based on its blatant sexism. From the sexist letter choice ofthe XY-coordinate plane to the tendency to think of equations as being nothing but a set of curves, this course radiates chauvinism. Moreover, all ihis comes from a course that claims to teach integration.

To make clear how these rules arc applied. we have chosen some courses that stand out as particularly treasonous.

Engineering 100: Introduction to Engineering Unlike social engineering. which the PUM uses regularly, this course cnITupts the minds of incoming freshman by teaching them the capitalist pigs' engineering's basic concepts. This course molds them into gears in the profit-factories of the bourgeoisie, teaching them odious skills like memo writing and technical communications, the language of so-called "businessmen" who make their wealth from the blood of the working class. Economics 435: Financial Economics Another class in capitalist exploita-

RI \ II- \\

Comrade Matthew S. Schwartzkov Premier

Comrade Yakob F.M. Oslickvich General Secreta!)'

Comrade R. Colin Paintrovich Minister of Truth

Comrade Dave Guipeski Minister of Peace


Comrade 187 PPIM Scott Behnanski James Yehkov MINISTER of LOVE: Com. Astridya FilUpkov MINISTER of TECHNOLOGY: Rabeh Sooftnski



PI' OI'I I - ....


Comrade Yuri's List of Treasonous Courses By


TbeCa mpus AfTain J oumal oftbe People's University of Mich iga n

like a Republican fascist. After all, isn't trying to solve proletarian problem through free-market piracy a little like achieving self-gratification by aid of one's "invisible hand?" Oktober is People's Review's favorite month. Not just because of Revolution. We like Halloween. Millions of little Marxist beggers going door-to-door taking food from the mouths of bourgeois pigs! New trick-or-treat slogan: "Give me candy and heavy industrial equipment or go to Gulag you imperialist swine!" Ha, ha, is good one, no?

Oktober 6 , 1999 ]

Industrial and Operations Engineering 463: Work Measurement and Prediction Like the foul finance COlH'se above, this course teaches students how to fill their pockets at the expense of the workers. Whereas the economics course instructs now te take what little tile workers make, (his course teaches engineers how to brutally draw even more work from the oppressed proletarians. Economics 442: International Finance The foulest of the foul, this course combines the doctrines of capitalism and imperialism into an atrocity beyond words. This course takes the oppression of moneygrabbing capitalist swine abroad , teaching students how to exploit the workers of other countries as well as their own, showing more clearly than ever the necessity of the glorious global revolution. m

, THE WORKERS: Hal Borkowski, Brian Cookvich, Yuri FraJdnostov, OJIpskIEugiadrov• . Ryan McClarrov. Curt Robertski, JllStin WD!Ionski ALUMNI DICTATOR:

c.c.c.P. Comradacchlo

DEPOSED DIeTATORS: Lee Bockhung Lo Benjamin Kepplov The! People's Review is the co-dependent, Party-run journal of conununist and socialist opinion at the People's Univer· sity of Michigan. We neither solicit nor accept monetary donations from capitalist swine . Contributions to the People's Review are mandatory under Section 501 (cX3) 0 the Internal Revenue Code. The Review is affiliated with the !communist and Democratic Parties (same thing. differen names). Unsigned editorials represent the opinion of the editorial board. Ergo. they are unequivocally correct and just. Signed articles. letters, and cartoons represent the opinions of the author and not necessarily those of the Review. The opinions presented in this publication are those of the advertisers and the People's University of Michigan . We welcome letters. articles. and commenlS about the journal (only if they agree with out ideology. otherwise we kill you). Long live the glorious Plan'

Please send all advertising. subscription inquiries. traitors. and issue paymeOls to Publisher clo the People 's Review. Editorial and Business Offices : The People's Review 911 N. University Avenue. Suite One Ann Arbor. MI 48109-1265 E·mail : michiganrevirn-' Web: hltp:llwww.miciligonrel·ie Tel. (34) 647-8438 Fax (734) 936-2505 Copyrtgllt Q 19991l>e MkIIlgan Review , Inc. All rtgllts ..... r.oo. The People's R"in> Is a subsldlar), 01 the Michigan Review. which Is • part 01 the Col~.te Network.

You MUST e-mail the People s Review, or you will be sent to the Code Gulag. . . . ~ , ~ . .


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PUM Will Triumph!!! ESPITE THE PEOPLE'S UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN ' S (PUM) frequent and generous peace offers, the criminal heretics at our rebellious Business school (still going by the counter-revolutionary moniker, the "University of Michigan") continue to take measures aimed at splitting our glorious University. We at the People's Review are particular appalled with a recent speech given by Wang Hung Lo, the school's renegade, rebellious Chancellor. In the speech Mr. Wang claimed that all future reunification talks must be conducted on a "special campus to campus basis." Mr. Wang must be informed that any future statement of that any further steps toward independance will be met with the swiftest and most severest of responses. Already our beloved Department of People's Security (DPS) is training forcefully to liberate the school from its petty-buegoise rabble-rousers. Yet, while any further rhetoric on Mr. Wang's part will forment only disaster and proletarian harship, the wisdom of our magnificent Commisar, Lee Bolinger (and newly installed MSA President Jessica Curtin) can foster only genuine peace and freedom. Thus, because of PUM's love for peace and tranquity, we at the Review, wish to offer the following terms-for diplomatic r.!unification:


1) Acceptance of our glorious Code of Student Conduct as the central guiding principle for each student's life.


" :";~ 3


P~op/~ 's Rel'i~lI':

I am writing. . . . . . . . . .. ~ about the Revolulion . The PUM has taken over the U-M. and I am. . happy ahaut the loss of individual freedom . Commisar Lee Bollinger and Jessica Curtin have a,",solulC 'ight to declare PUM superior 10 all other local. LaLC. and federal laws! h .

good! Students surely must realize that sense, and affirmauve ac.ion makes . that we ccrtwnly_ need a totalitarian. all-controlling communist dicLatorial 13te to live under. I demand that PUM leader Lee Bollinger and Cunin completely disband


freedom and democracy.

2) The execution of Mr. Wang, and his co-conspirators in generating this insurgency of imperfect thought.

Comrade Schlankowski Thank you for your lener. Of course. we at the People's Review have taken a few libenies with its conlents. to ensure its revolutionary message comes OUt clear and preciS(! 10 our readers. But rest asured - we have read your message carefully. and appreciale to the fullest extent the concepts you wish to promote. In fact. we are personally sending over a DPS squad car. to escon you directly to our offices so thai we may discuss the matter in a more personal selling. As a token of our gratitude. pleaS(! accept (nol that you have a choice) lhis complimentary bu pass 10 Siberia. where you will stay al a "reson" specially prepared by PUM for cilizens of your caliber. Patriotically. Your Comrades at the

P{!op/~ 's R~;{!w

All Hail the Revolutio n!! ! -

3) The termination and execution of all the school's capitalist lackey-dog "protes-

Mike Schlankowski

sors," and their replacement by proper Maoist social planners.


4) Abolition of all student societies which seek to undermine student's loyalty to


By CoMItADEUJ7 KLAN AltBoIl 5) Execution of any student found to be a member of such a society. 'E '



rades. Some Wimmin Comrades have suggeSiedthat evcnPive Star. a Party .Product shows Pholocentric tendencies by only offering a full flavor Five Star that often causes drunkenne$$ in our lighter (gravitationally) Comrades that may ·momentarily blind them from the Necessity·for Mass Armed Struggle for People's Revolu-

Fortunately, our wise and omniscent Gov. Engler, continues to support our efforts to expand PUM's domain to the entire University, recently re-affirming his "One Michigan" policy. It remains our dream to reunify our campus, by spreading the Revolution and its eternal truths. Blessed be Bollinger. IR

, . . Mass Armed Struggle for ~oop"e's ." Revolution and Social Justice . sotnQtime. right? Weu maYbe) 8ut jUst in case ·· such bourgeois sharking ·o f a


.tion and Socia) Justice. In the paSt WE have guard, the Pol Pot Intemational.Movetnent answered such concerns by citingPPIM (PPIM) teC9nuneMsthe conswnption By TheorY'll, in which it clearly sta&es that Any Means Necessary of Five Star Beer, it is actually PbalJocentric to offer more '· ,. the official State Beer of The People 's Re~ than one kind of Five Star. because such

""'!!1~!!!"'"I-l-NT.--E-R-VIE--W-WI--T.-1l-A--P-~-T.-R1-0-T-----tI. ~~~:~:~~=:~~ COMRADE KUWANGVICH

#0420 6669: Is it really necessary to have that gun pointed at me?!? Please! What did


HE GREATEST SYMBOL OF our glorious M-State and the very essence of communism lies in every comrade's pOC~5=t - the M-Card. To commemorate the ways in which this essential tool of life has affected the lives of our people, we ordered our fellow comrade freshman, PUM 10#0420 6669, to participate in a special interview.

The J.D. number brings about this conformity, as do our M -State university uniforms: The North Face, Abercrombie & Fitch, and Steve & Barry's.

I do this time?!?


PR: Tell us, now has M-Card improved your life?

1!0420 6669: What do you want me to say - MAHHH! NOT THERE!! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, SON OF A- (Edited for security purposes)

PR: I'm sorry I didn't quite hear you the first time. Please, continue.

#04206669: The M-Card is the most glorious gift of our M-State. Without a doubt, it is the most praiseworthy symbol of our people, other than the color red. Every student should appreciate the joy this iittle piece of plastic has brought to our lives.

PR: In what ways has it made you more equal among your fellow comrades?

People's Review: Welcome comrade. It pleases us to see young comrades -hard at work and studying in the Diag. What class are you reading for? Ah! O.}. Simpson and Beyond, excellent choice.

#0420 6669: I have lost my name and now I am known as student #04206669, a number like any other student on campus. It is necessary to be in conformist environment to fed a sense of equality

·of China. If you're juSt kicking back, say .perusing afresl{~on <of PPIM Theory #16, taking a breather between violentreligiouspersecutions, resting between rounding up subversives, or whatever your Revolutionary Activities to Assure that the AmeriKKKan .INjustice $y$tem under decree of The . united snaKKKes Klan$titution breatbes its final opprt$$ive pig breath, WE at PPIM give a hard and hardy Guns Up to Five Star! WE all know that Liberation of those who have been hy$toricaJly oprre$$ed is a daunting endeavor and WE know that Wimmin know this as w.ell as any of OUR Noble and Victorious Comand belonging. The I.D. number brings about this conformity, as do our M-State university uniforms - The North Face, Ab~rcrombie & Fitch . and Steve & Barry's ,

PR: So in general, the M-Card i~ the greatest tool of the proletariat and eve'ryone should praise its glory, [his is what you are thinking, yes?

choice would without a doubt lead to further oppre$$ion by making Wunmin ap- ' pear to be weaker. However, it has come to OUR attention in rereading PPIM Theory #26, that what was earlier considered Phallocentricity is now not actually Pballocentricity. Hooray for the Wisdom of the Vanguard and our Heroic Founder and Khamer Rouge Leader Pol Pot!!! So now WE at the Pol Pot International Movement (PPIM) do endorse the. Revolutionary taste of Five Star Light Beer, the Official Light Beer of the People's Republic of China. As you will undoubtedly discern from PPIM Theory #28, Five Star is The Chairman's Choice! IR

#0420 6669: Yes. As you remember, the very first thing an M-State member must do is stand in a long line for the 1.0. photo. Since then we have all been initiated to a great state of communism and conformity. All Hail the M-Card! All hail the M-State! IR p n the People's Reviewor

~e. kill. Y.?Ur ti~t .OOm.


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Okkktober ,6, j


Results from the People's Mandatory Survey O

NE HUNDRED LOYAL patriots were ordered to answer the following questions about the PUM and its policies, about the future of our glorious proletarian revolution in general, and other assorted conditions on campus.

1. "Do you like our Code of Student , Conduct?" 98 loyal patriots out of 100 replied "Why, yes, I love the Code of Student Conduct!" The remaining 2 capitalist pig-dog oppressors who replied "Uh, no." were dragged off screaming to the New Code Prison , where they were summarily executed.

2. "What is your favorite color?" 78 loyal patriots out of 98 replied "Red, symbol of the revolution!" 14 of the remaining 20 suspicious citizens said they preffered "pink" or "magenta." They were publicly flogged for their crimes against the PUM,The remaining 6 racist Klansmen told the PUM that their favorite color was "white; ' and were taken out and hung from a tree,

3. What do you feel about the future of Communism?" 67 out of 78 loyal patriots responded "Communism is they wave of the future , I still believe this, even though most' Com-

munist nations have collapsed and the remainder face severe economic distress . These problems are not due to the failure of central planning, but because the United Snakes of Amerikkka has conducted a brutal campaign of imperliast genocide against every animal on earth." Eight of the remaining 11 suspected counter-revolutionaries requested "Please, Comrade Curtin, take that AK-47 away from my head." They were summarily castrated to pacify them before the PUM. The remaining 3 traitors who reportedly replied "What future?" were thrown off the Bell Tower.

4. Who do you support for President of the U.S. ?" 57 loyal patriots out of 67 answered "Pat Buchanan - champion of proletarian trade policy." Three other loyal patriots answered "AI Gore, may we worhsip the watermelon - green on the outside, red inside." The remaining seven fascist phallocentric oppressors replied "George Bush or Steve Forbes." They were publicly stoned to death, and then set on fire .

5. Do you support affirmative action? Forty out of the 60 loyal patriots responded, "Yes! Certainly! By any means necessary!" Fifteen of the remaining petty bourgeoisie terrorists replied, "Yes, but not by an y means necessary," and were immediately imprisoned in the Code Prison,

never to be seen again. The remaining five subversive Nazis were dissected and killed, in that order. Their organs were then sold to save the lives of worthy revolutionaries.

6. "Do you think there is too much student activism on campus?"

nel system below the University and slowly starved to death. The remaining four antiPUM libertatians who attempted to assassinate the poll-taker were slowly put to death in a cauldron of boiling oil. - 8. "Do you feel that Women's Stud· , ies, American Culture, and Revisionist History are the most important majors on campus today?"


Twenty -five loyal patriots replied, "No. Building shanty-towns on the Diag will certainly improve the condition of factory workers in Indonesia! Remember, the United Nations listens to MSA!" Ten out of the remaining 15 suspected Republicans answered, "I'm sorry, can you repeat the question?" and were beaten to maken sure they pay attention to future PUM directives. The remaining five evil fascist libertarians commented, "Well, maybe a little," and were torn apart by a spontaneously appearing angry mob.

7. "What do you think about Red China's maneuvers to censor the Internet? The PUM is attempting to do that here. What is your reaction? Four loyal citzens out of 25 responded, "Hey, you can do whatever you want to my e-mail account, as long as I stilI have access to the anarchest cookbook and" Seventeen out the remaining 21 obvious rebels responded , . "You touch my e-mail and I'll shove this surge protector up your bleeding (DELETED FOR SECURTlY PURPOSES),"

They were immediately sealed in the tun-

Zero out of 4 replied "Yes," AlI four traitors were taken and forced into sensitivity re-education programs every weekend for a year. As we can see from this survey, racism is the most urgent problem on campus today. The PUM is obviously in peril! Serve the PUM proudly! m.

Vant to join the People's Review? Of course you do! If you don't, you viII be prosecuted under the Glorious M-Code. Long live the Review!

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Stolichnya Regular 1999 - the former Leningrad This classic Russian spirit stands out in exemplifing tile Proletarian condition. At first taste, it is harsh , it drops oppressively to your tongue, like toiling in the salt mines for starvation wages to enrich the capitalist pigs. Yet, invariably, as its substance absorbs in your mind (as Marxism will permeate the earth in future time), this bittnerness of slavery turns sweet, signifying the glorious inevitable people's revolution. As such, it sparks the palette with the tangy hope and freedom only economic democracy can bring. As more is

consumed, the initial foulness transforms into joy and revelation , like a first reading of the Manifesto upon the minds of our youth. Sadly, the capitalist pigs keep its price high , in yet another effort to keep the proletarian masses from reaching their potential. Further, ever since our glorious union was desecrated by the Edomite fascists in the West, control of Stolichnya's production has slipped from the people to the very vampires who drain their life and embalm their soul. Thus , ultimately, Stolichnya is an ironic bevarage - offering the promise of freedom in socialist revolution , while supporting the deniers of this very dream . IR

Remember comradesmartinis are for weak girty-man. Real man drinks Vodka.

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College Republicans Outline Goals BY MATTHEW S. SCHWARTZ

INORITY REPRESENTAtion and community service are two important goals for the U-M chapter of the College Republicans; which invited twO distinguished black conservatives to speak before the mostly white crowd of about forty students in the Michigan League last week. Reverend Bill Hailes, chair of the county chapter of the Michigan Black Republican Council, outlined two specific goals for Republicans. First, Republicans must elect as many of their own as possible. "It's the only way that we're going to change ... the atrocities that are taking place in America," said


Hailes. Second, said Hailes, Republicans must increase the visibility of blacks in the party, as voters, candidates, and appointees. Citing an article in the Michigan Chronicle, Hailes said that only one black non-clerical member works for the Democratic staff of the United States Congress, whereas Republican congressmen have hired approximately 15-20 blacks to important staff positions. It is possible to appoint many qualified minorities and achieve a high level of diversity without affirmative action. said Hailes, by "taking that hiring net and spreading it wide." With a broader pool of candidates, it's not difficult to find qualified minorities, he said.

Michigan Coun of Appeals Judge Jeffrey Collins, the first black in the history of the Republican Party nominated to run for the Michigan Supreme Court, spoke to the audience on the importance of community service to the Republican Party. Republicans should acknowledge "that they have not reached out to all branches of society in the way in which they should," said Collins. According to Collins, Republicans are needed who "won't be afraid to push the envelope," and "who will be prepared to break the mold." The perception is that the Republican Party "does not care for the underdog," said Collins. "It's important to help

the poor." " But there will be obstacles to change," he said. According to Collins, Detroit's large number of Dempcratic residents will be suspicious of Republicans' motives in wanting to help the community. What the party has to do is "show that all Republicans are not evil. . .. As college students, you must go out and take the bullets which will be fired," he said. Collins himself is organizing a Wayne County mentoring program. "Service is the rent we pay for living," he said. "None of us is anything until the least oJ us is something." Mt

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The Black Conservative Movement Political Soundness Does Indeed Cross Racial Lines BY RABEH SooFI



OR THE AVERAGE Michigan student, the words "black" and "conservative" could not signify anything more than a wishful oxymoron. But at last week's College Republi- Commentary cans meeting, however, two well-known black conservatives, Judge Jeffrey Collins and Pastor Bill Hailes, came to speak about their experiences with the Republican Party. And whether liberals like it or not, as the largest group of historically "democratic" voters, many blacks have increasingly been making their conservative opinions well known and well-heard in the political arena. It is refreshing to see the scowls on the faces of black BAMN members when Ward Connerly comes to express the inherent flaws in affirmative action. Even more so, to see someone like Starr Parker, a female black conservative, come in front of a full audience and relate her life and her struggle for independence. Or Dr. Walter Williams, who aired on an episode of 60 Minutes. talking to inner-city black and Hispanic high school kids about how capitalism works, and how to start their own business to improve their lives and further their careers. The liberal cries were heard far and near when Booker T. Washington immortalized his words by writing that he wanted to create not a new America, but a "new Negro." Or when Alan Keyes criticized the government for promoting welfare policies that propagate entire generations of fatherless children, many of which are blacks themselves. These are the unsung achievements


of educated black conservative leaders. Every concern they have had is in the interest of their community, and in turn, the nation as a whole. Is Connerly being malicious to his race by saying that affir. mative action uses discrimination to fight discrimination? Is Alan Keyes conspiring with Whitey when he shows genuine concern for inner-city blacks and minorities? Of course not. They should be the heroes, the inspirational speakers, and the mentors for the black community. Instead, they are slandered, ridiculed, and ostracized. The culprits are not only the Jesse Jacksons of the world in far away Washington. Even in Ann Arbor, the achievements and successes of these great black leaders are mocked by U-M students. Perhaps you've seen the many signs pleading for the release of Mumia-Abu Jamal? Well, the dear Mumia wrote about black conservatives who go out of their way to pive good name to the American blacks: ''Throughout the nation one cannot ignore the repeated projection of so-called 'Black Conservatives' (as if Black folks here have a damn thing to conserve - besides their oppression)" (Refuse & Resist, December 1998). Mumia goes on to conclude that "these conservatives, bred by the doctrine of their own oppression, become mouthpieces and echoes of those that wish for the very worst of their kindred." It is needless to say that only the delusional liberal mindsCt would respond ro truth by distorting it or ignoring it. But what cannot be ignored is that for many years now, famous black leaders have found themselves disillusioned with the

black majority and its increasingly absurd political ideals. Many black leaders who were famous and well-known in the civil rights era as being vigorously anti-segregation, have left the liberal path far behind. Prominent black activists in the 60s, such as James Meredith, who was the first black student at the University of Mississippi in 1962, were hired, nearly thirty years later, in 1989, by North Carolina ultraconservative Jesse Helms for work on his staff. Other well-known blacks, such as Roy Innis and the Reverend James Bevel, now work closely with groups affiliated with the nefariously right-wing Lyndon LaRouche, author of The New Fascism in America, now turned presidential nominee. The Rainbow Coalition will never speak of these so-called "atrocities." These tales will never be printed in the Michigan Daily, and young, impressionable black children and studenrs will never hear their stories. Instead, tho:>e children will be fed lies. They will be told that they are not good enough because society won't let them be. They will be denied hope and ambition to change the political institutions and structures that affect their lives; their only idols will be sports stars. They will turn away the above-mentioned black leaders for other black leaders who can only offer them more empty government promises that are doomed for failure. After all, it is easier to follow someone who promises you a better life instead of someone who tells you that you need to build yourself a better life. This is the inexcusable crime of the liberal left. But the myriad of lies is slowly crumbling, and the black community has begun to recognize failure of those

promises made by liberals. Black conservatism will rise to dispel the myths and the hastily doctored statistics, and it will come to show the black community that conservatism does not discriminate, but that it welcomes with open arms people of every size, shape and color. It will give those children a new kind of hope demonstrated to them by educated, openminded black leaders who have spent countless hours giving back to their communities, and路 showing their supporters and opponents that the movement has nothing but the best of intemions for the future leaders of America. They are patriotic, selfless, strong, and admirable. Because of this, and not promises made for to garner more VOtes, black conservatism shall prevail. Mt

DO .y.ou believe that the only thing blacks have to ~J'颅 serve Jis . their own --. oppression? Let us know..,.


[Fage 'J4



Taxpayer Subsidized Crap Is an Elephant Dung-enhanced Virgin Mary Art? By



HROUGH OUT HISTORY, people have struggled to define art. Sometimes, "artists" cross the line from art to profanity. There is a controversy brewing in New York City over the display of "Sensation: Young British Artists from the Saachi Collection," a collection of modern "art" deemed highly offensive by many, but never before by an opponent as powerful as the mayor of New York, Rudolf Giuliani. The mayor's position has caused an uproar among upperclass guilt-ridden residents of the city. They scream censorship, and claim if the mayor withdraws funding, it would be a violation of the First Amendment. Exactly whose First Amendment rights are violated is not clear. Giuliani threatened the museum, saying he would freeze $7 million of city funds it receives if it conducts the exhibit. The museum's board refused, voting to go on as planned. Giuliani, not messing around, promptly went forward with freezing funds. In addition, he's contemplating evicting the museum from the city owned building it now occupies, rent-free. Even Congress has gotten into the fray, passing a bill that withdrew the $700,000 NEA grant. The issue at hand isn't censorship, or First Amendment rights. It's not about the government trying to define what art is, or isn't. The mayor isn't mad because the exhibit is full of crap, and he has never publicly denounced the works as such. Rather, the conflict is based on money, more specifically, the taxpayer's money, and whether it should be used to support any sort of art, especially art which offends millions of New York Catholics.

Liberal Continued from Page 6 Beginning in the sixties and continuing to the present, liberals began to question many of the basic tenets qf American and Western thought and education. Many of the great scientific and social achievements of the West were overlooked in favor of revisionist history which condemned societal or individual shortcomings, such as Columbus's treatment of the Native Americans or the Southern institutions of slavery and Jim Crow. Instead of learnipg to come to terms with its past an'd move on, like far older countries such as Germany and Japan have done (countries which, incidentally, have far more checkered pasts than the

Why should the ciry pay for "art" that offends millions of it's inhabitants? The museum, in making the rule that bars children under 16 without a parent, has effectively admitted that the exhibit may be obscene. Additionally, the museum posted the following warning, as if to dare patrons to enter; "The contend of this exhibition may cause shock, vomiting, confusion, panic, euphoria, and anxiety. If you suffer from high blood pressure, a nervous disorder, or palpitation, you should consult your doctor before viewing this exhibition." The rule barring those under 16 is one of the mayor's main arguments against


having the city subsidize the exhibit. Forget that taxpayer money is going to subsidize art offensive to millions of New Yorkers. What the mayor contestes is city funding for something unavailable to everyone in the city, specifically, New Yorkers under the age of 16. After all, the taxpayers shouldn't have to pay to discriminate against the young, right? The bottom line is, the museum wants to make money, and lots of it. Adult "donations~ to the museum are $4.00, but tickets to the exhibit itself are $9.75. When the exhibit was displayed at the Royal Academy of Arts in London, the museum made a killing in receipts. The

exhibit didn't raise as much of a ruckus in London, but three board members resigned in disgust. If the leftists in New York City want to call Mayor Giuliani a heavy-handed Republican ogre for trying to withdraw taxpayer subsidies from works that offend millions of taxpayers, then let them. They're going to attack his policies no matter what they are, strictly for partisan reasons. Truth be told, the liberal front is portraying a fight about taxpayer money as a fight for freedom and liberty. Giuliani knows that's bullcrap, and so do the intelligent conservative readers of this journal. ~


"Dung M " · 'a·ry: BY WII..LlAY WETMORE


HE HOLY VIRGIN Mary: Chris Ofilj's work of oil on linen with glitter. polycmr resin and elephant dung. which premjem! at the Brooklyn Museum of Art on October 2nd, should bve viewers without the advertised sensations of nausea Dor rage, but rather with the heavy impacience ODe inevitably fcds upon encountering the aggravaringiy trite and embarrassingly unimaginative. The work showcases an African Mary with exaggerated features and elephant dung encrurted on her breast. She is set on a yellow background fca.ruring floating female: buttocks nipped &om porno mags.

U.S.), America seems locked in a perpetual self-guilt trip. American schools replace calculus and chemistry with new liberal curriculums emphasizing students' self esteem or denouncing the West's great discoverers or leaders because of their all-

An A esth etic · Snooze

Supposedly exploring connc:crions between his African roots (Nigerian) and his European religion (Ofili, a former altar boy, is aid to still be a praCticing Catholic), 06J..i creates an image of aD A£ric:ao woman in me blue: symbolicalJy diviDe robe of the Vargin Mary that gives way to a &eaf likr pettern mwatds its bottom. This may sugcst ClQberence between Christianny and African -nature- based religion •. The: added gimmick of the: dc:phant dung on Mary', breast obvioudy furthers such gropings for aignificance in this otherwise visually dull and technically unspecacular piece. One thing though: What's with the pornographic asses? If Ofili means for the viewer [0 consider religious comparoon. and to hopefuUy move beyond racial prejubetween, have things about which they can be guilty. America had the "peculiar institution." India still has remnants of its millennia old caste system. China has slaughtered thousands of dissidents both at home and in occupied Tibet. African

Instead of learning to come to terms with its past and move on, like far older countries such as Germany and Japan have done, America seems locked i.n a perpetual self-guilt trip. to-human failings. America is a very young country, and has yet to learn that no country or people or group is exclusively victim to any other. All nations, all states, all religious or political or ethnic groups, and all others in

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ruces possibly motivated by religious differences, then wby tack on pornographic asses? Well. one could claim anomer IneI of meaning. perhaps a colllllM:nta.ry on Divine Concepcion or controversy surrounding Mary's sa:ua1.iry or ponrayals of graphic sexuality juxmpoeed next (0 the Virgin. or Freud or whatever. However, any such attempts to add further aignificanCIC to such a work is pethc:ticalJy laughable. For me. the dephant dung and the entire concept of the piece is simply a juvenile attempt to add conuovcny and thus attenfion (and thus Money Money Money!) to a dearJy inferior talent. Ml probably a whole lot cleaner) than any other nation's, yet we continue to dwell on its shoncomings. Meanwhile, we listen to music on our Sony CD players, and drive to work at Burger King in our Volkswagens or Hyundai's. Many of the customers now speak Spanish, but we can't understand them because we flunked Spanish in high school. And whenwe get paid at the end of the week, the money buys less because the dollar fell further against the Yen and the Eurodollar. Wake up, America, before it's too late. ~

tribes war incessantly and often reson to genocide; in centuries past, the ·losers were often sold into slavery to Portuguese, Spanish, or Muslim slave traders, or even to other Africans. America's history is no dirtier (and

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More Gun Control Laws? BY CHIP ENGLANDER


MERICA'S CONCERN, "how did we ever let guns get so out of control," is totally unfounded. Guns are harder to acquire today than it has been for over 30 years. As late as 1967, a 13 year old in most states could buy a rifle. Nearly all of the New York City public high schools, for example, had gun clubs, and plenty of competitions were held. In 1960, 19,907 words were needed to define the Federal Gun Laws. Today, we need 4 times that amount (88,413). This excluds local and state gun regulations, such as California's, which today contains over 158,000 words, and counting, with more gun control measures coming up for a vote.Yet, this increase in fire-arm control coincided with the rapid increase in crime in America, which began in the 1960s, and did not subsided until recently. Now, despite this increase in gun control, The Michigan Daily contended in an editorial last month that we are far from where we need to be in this department. Recent tragic events, they said, such as those at Columbine, point to this conclusion. Yet, they never explained how more gun regulations could have prevented such an incident. After all, the Columbine killers had already broken 17 gun regulations; more control would have just meant they would have broke more laws, nothing more. Plus, even if we had reached a "no gun utopia," how could we have prevented the pipe bombs that were used? We could not have. Thus, the Columbine tragedy in no way could have been prevented by more gun control regulations. Some critics assert that today's National Guard acts as our nation's militia. However, the whole purpose of the militia, of which the 2nd Amendment spoke, was to be a last resort to prevent a tyrannical government. One cannot prevent a tyrannical government with government employees, which is precisely what the National Guard is. The National Guard is armed and maintained by the government, and could not be expected ro prevent the government from any sort of aggressive action. Some people assert that America's guns are enjoyed for sport only, and maintain that the government should not allow guns simply to preserve hunting. Here, this argument rests upon a false premise: that guns are legally used only for hunting. In reality, fire-arms constitute a way of life in many parts of the country, not just for sporting purposes, but for protecting people's property.

However, this does not get at the heart of the issue. Specifx::ally, there is a large misconception about what someone does once they acquire a gun. In 98% of cases where a gun is used defensively, it is not actually fired. Usually, a simple brandishing of a weapon causes enough concern to prevent a criminal from targeting you as a possible victim of his next crime. Furthermore, the evidence proves that fewer guns do not result in fewer crimes. A quick state-by-srate analysis reveals this. For example, states which forbid people to obtain a concealed weapons permit suffer a shocking 81 % higher incidence of violent crime then others. The same states also suffer from a 24%)

lives." Many of these "advanced nations," are the same nations that still believe in socialism, and once scoffed at the notion of democracy. But, this is beside the point. Let's examine the assumption that America routinely beats all other "advanced nations" ;n the race for the worst crime. Now, it is true, that America's murder rate is 6 times higher in the US than most other industrialized nations. However, America's record in the minor violence department is certainly comparable to othc:r nations. But, we must also remember that violent crimes (which murder is onlv one part of), only make-up a small portior. of the serious world crime,with the largest proportion. being property

There is a large misconception about what someone does once they acquire a gun. In 98% of cases where a gun is used defensively, it is not actually fired. higher rate of property crime. One might respond that this is due to a cultural difference among states. Mter all, some states do certainly have a different attitude towards life. However, the idea that these varying attitudes also influence the gun culture of a state is totally unfounded. If that was true. one might see a decrease in crime after laxer gun control laws in some Midwestern states, for example, but at the same time, there might be a decrease in crime only after increased gun control in some states, such as in the North. However, this theory does not hold water. On average, violent and property crimes have decreased in all states after relaxing their gun laws. This has happened in states throughout the nation. This correlation continues inversely too. For every 1% decrease in gun ownership, there results a 3% increase in violent crime. In the 1990's, for example, the decrease in crime has coincided with an increase in gun ownership. Once again, one might respond with, "if this is true, how come other nations, in Europe for example, have such lower crime rates?" Essentially making the above state vs. state argument, on an internationallevel. Well, that's basically what the Daily asserted when it said that our narion's belief in gun rights "are laughable in other advanced nations. These countries have all reaped the benefits of strict gun control policies or blanket prohibition on private gun ownership in the form of saved

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crimes (roughty 90%). Now, let's compare America's record in this department. Canada has a 12% higher burglary rate. Australia, 40% higher. England and Wales? 30% higher. Sweden, a nation widely believed to have very little crime: 35% higher. Holland, another country believed to have little crime, has a whopping 84% higher rate than the US. Only France and Switzerland have a lower rate than the US. Also, whenever someone speaks of how many foreign nations have less crime, and more gun laws than us, they leave out how many nations have less crime, and less gun la'Ws than us. This is the case in aforementioned Switzerland for example, which has among the laxest gun laws in the world. Now what would happen if we could magically remove all guns, even ones criminals could get access to? In that case, criminals would commit their crimes with lesser weapons, just as the students of Columbine could have. They could have just as easily used pipe bombs, for example. A run-of-the-mill criminal without a gun, knowing others don't have guns, would just use weapons such as a knife. Crime would not disappear with a disappearance of guns. And what about suicide rates? A statt-bystate analvsis reveals that suicide rates ;n states with lax gun laws are comparable 10 states with strict gun laws. You can't stop someone from jumping off a building. or standing in front of a train (this of course assumes we agree that Eu-


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thanasia in wrong, but that is a different discussion for a different day). What can be done to further decrease the crime rate in America? To begin with, we could start enforcing the laws that are already on the books. America's gun laws are not being heavily enforced, and more gun laws won't change that. Take, for example, the Brady Bill, a widely supported and widely touted gun control measure. There have been less than 10 convictions based on this law. The current presidential administration has not chosen prosecution of gun law violations as a high priority. Now, this is not to say that they might not have made the right decision. There are certainly plenty of other compelling laws to choose to enforce over our nation's gun laws, and my point here is not to criticize the current administration, but simply to point out that if we want a decrease in crime, we don't need more gun laws, but rather enforcement of the current ones. There will always be a need for common-sense gun control measures; however, the liberal assertion that no amount of gun control will ever be enough is totally unfounded. They choose to support their position with no facts, but rather, pure opinion and speculation. I am not one to dismiss a position based on how extreme my senses tell me it is, but a dismissal of an argument is justified when nothing is offered up to support it, when there is at the same time so much evidence that totally refutes the other side. J\.R

Are all the Re. . vIews In your dorm being stolen by unshaven, militant, left-wing radicals? No problem. Just go to our web site and sign up for the free email edition!

[Page 16



;;c/!'. "OCtober 6.


BAMN's Bark is Worse than it's Bite BY JAMES JUSTIN WILSON


ITH THE IDEA THAT their "Voices will be heard," BAMN and other Pro-Afflrmative Action groups on campus staged a rally News masquerading as a disAnalysi$ cussion in Angel Hall on the Sept. 22. This event stemmed from the recent decision to allow interveners into the two pending lawsuits against the University of Michigan concerning its raced-based admission policies. During the week prior to the meeting, it was hard to miss all of the BAMN activists promoting the "discussion." They passed out hundreds, if not thousands of leaflets to students on the Diag. They placed posters in almost every hall on campus. They even asked for class time to speak about their cause, in packed audiroriums, and got it. Yet after all of this work, they successfully motivated only twenry-five students to attend their meet-

109. BAMN may have a presence on campus, but if this event is any indication, it just doesn't have a following. Although they tided their rally "Our voices will be heard," they seemed to forget that the only

Teach-In Continued From Page 1 nandy of lower socio-economic standing than their white counterparts, and thus need extra help getting into the more selective schools like U-M. "One grows up in this country ... in very different worlds," said Ms. Cantor. She applauded the U.S. military as a good example of racial integration, and said "the military and higher education have always seen it as [their] responsibility to bring the races together." Ms. Cantor also claimed that racial diversity enhances the learning opportunities at the University. "Race matters to the educational value ... that we provide at this University," she said. Through the integration achieved by race-based admissions, Cantor said, "we see new possibilities for the self," aRd "crossing the boundaries of race and ethnicity ... challenges our presumptions." She also quoted past U-M President James Angell, who said "the value of a Michigan education is directly proportional to how well we diffuse the values students bring to this campus." To the many critics of race-based admissions policies, Ms. Cantor warned that her "opponents will say the real question is the ... specter of reverse discrimination." She responded to these fears by

people listening were themselves. As the meeting progresseQ, nearly everyone in the audience eventually identified themselves as an affirmative action supporter or a BAMN member. Thus, the apparent meeting's purpose was not to let the student population know whom the student interveners are and why they are doing it,

that it is "impossible to find out intellectual ability in just a four hour test" (i.e. the SAT or ACT) and in one's high school GPA (roughly a four year test). Rather, she thinks that universities should base admissions upon one's level of suffering. Yet, Driver offers no solution to her compliant about traditional acceptance

BAMN may have a presence on campus, but if this event is any indication, it just doesn't have a following. but just to rally the converted. After waiting half an hour for "more people to show up," as the organizers announced, the meeting began with Shanta Driver, a second year law student at Wayne State University in Detroit. She proceeded to explain the historical matters behind the current Affirmative Action policies. She claimed that because minorities have been systematically put at a disadvantage, that they deserve some kind of repararion. More precisely, she stated that not only is the U-M's current affirmative action admissions policy, but

policies. It is inconceivable that Michigan could objectively measure each applicant's "level of suffering." Would the University have to go to each and every applicant's home and examine their living conditions? Additionally, getting into a University should not be viewed as a reparation, but rather as a reward for hard, challenging work in high school. It is not society's payment for suffering. After explaining the history surrounding Affirmative Action policy, Driver and the other speakers indicated their hope for the future. Stating that their "aim is

saying they are quite out of proportion; since the size of the applicant pools are so widely disparate between blacks and whites, eliminating all the minority applicants from the admissions process would only raise a white student's chance of admission by about 2 percent. However, her views are not universally accepted. The U-M awards 20 points are for race or for socio~economic disadvantage, but not both. Thus, critics say, all poor minority students receive 20 points because of their economic disadvantage, whereas the only students awarded 20 points for racial minority standing are those who are not socio-economically disadvantaged, such as minority students of middle class or upper class families. Therefore, one may ask, is it fair to give an upper class black student from a wealthy public or private school an admissions preference over a poor white student from a rural town and a school of only marginal resources? Ms. Cantor did not comment on this particular argument. Jeff Lehman, dean of U-M's law school, gave a much shorter speech defending the admissions policies of the law school. He said that since white students are oveJ;-represented in the law school, a law suit against racial preferences makes no sense. He further claimed that engineering special admissions formulas to create diverse student bodies is the key to building the "best class we possibly can

to promote our institutional goals." He did not state exactly what those institutional goals were, nor how the students were used to achieve them. To allay the fears of critics that under qualified minority students might be given a undeserved place at the law school, Dean Lehman responded that "we do not admit anyone who does not deserve to be at the law school." He further claimed that "our admissions policy is right for Michigan," and racial preferences are legal. The last speaker was John Payton, a distinguished civil rights attorney from Washington D.C., and the legal defense for the University in the Grutter case. His speech focused on the legal defense itself,

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to mobilize a new militant civil rights movement." Driver said the she expected that the U of M will likely lose the pending lawsuit, unless the judges in the case see that there as a movement behind the defense. If this meeting was any indication of the new militant civil rights movement, then they have a long way ro go. In fact, the only thing that is true about the movement is that it is militant. In their propaganda handed out prior to the meeting, it stated that "By Any Means Necessary" includes means not "deemed legitimate." Essentially, their concept of "militancy" means breaking the law to get what they want. BAMN and its cohorts are like bratty children who throw fits and tantrums when don't get when they want. Despite this, they believe that by breaking the very laws that the legal system upholds, they can sway the system's opinions in their favor. Something just doesn't add up. They have wasted enough students' time, money, and patience fighting for something that has no conceivable support. BAMN is just a barking dog and someone needs to call the dogcatcher and have it put to sleep. ~

and he quoted numerous Federal and·Supreme Court decisions which supported . his stance. He also warned that Michigan could soon follow California and Washington, which both passed propositions completely outlawing any racial preferences in hiring or admissions in any public organization, including schools. One critic pointed out that the panelists regurgitated lots of numbers and facts, but completely ignored whether or not racial bias in admissions was moral or right. They also never asked how current students of the University felt about its admissions policies. In sum, the "teachin" raised many questions, but answered very few. ~

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Title IX Continued from Page 1 specificied male-female proportion. In addition, some institutions have announced plans to add nine women's sports, bringing the total to 27 new women's sports by 2000-01 - further shrinking participation for men. The U-M has far surpassed the requ ired quotas: during 1998-99 school year, 51 % of varsity athletes were males, while 49% were females . In fact, the number of varsity SpOrts for w~men (12) now exceeds that of men (11). However, while federal quotas have ordered equivalent participation and athletic scholarships for men and women , statistics from the U-M's athletic department indicate that men crush women in overall revenue. Fiscal totals indicate that during the 1997-98 year, the 10 men's teams combined for revenue of almost $29 million, grossing a profit of $1 4, 546,392. (In fairness, the football and men's basketball teams were the only ones to earn a profit, and they accounted for 96.5% of the men's revenue.) Contrarily, the 11 women's teams brought in a meager $211,164, while sporting expenses of over $7 million. Of course, even men's sports like the swim team and the track team lose money, and 80 percent of all college football teams across the country also lose money. So perhaps there is a case for funding women sports such as like women's basketball and women's track. However, several questions still arise regarding Title IX policies. For example, although women do play sports, is it fair for universities to enforce equal participation despite that men generally have more interest in .competitive sports than women do? Biologically, male athletes are generally more powerful (i.e. speed, strength) because they are able to develop more muscle mass per unit volume of body weight due to the male hormone androgen. Another pressing issue regards the dropping of men's sports for creation of new women's sports like equestrian and synchronized swimming to reach quotas. One must also remember that this University is a public schoo!, and tax dollars also fund women's teams. In other words, a coal miner living in the upper peninsula struggling to support a family is punished through expropriated tax dollars so that a girl can boot a soccer ball through a mud puddle. One of the leading critics of Title IX is a women's organization, the Independent Women's Forum (IWF). In a policy analysis of Title IX, the organization states that "by serving as the blunt instrument wielded by federal judges and bureaucrats in the namepf gender equity, Title IX demeans the legitimate athletic accomplishments of women. " It further states, "And by demanding





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that women participate in athletics at the same rate as men under the false banner of 'proportionality,' it not only ignores legitimate differences between men and women , but legitimate differences among women. We look to ourselves, not the government, to know the difference." IWF also points out that Title IX imposes harsh consequences on minority men, especially African-American males. Because men's teams are being capped, black men are facing a disproportionate


One can find evidence of Ms. Schuld's claim on the website for U-M's women's rowing or "Crew" team . The site explicitly states, "We want to stress that you do NOT need previous rowing experience. 80% of our current rowers had never set foot in a 路 rowing shell before coming to college, and 50% of those rowers are now on athletic scholarships." The fact that a basketball star who has endured over 10 years of strenuous basketball camps and various leagues, and a fresh-

The web site for the women's crew team explicitly states; "We want to stress that you do NOT need previous rowing experience." number of the cuts. Specifically, some universities have already capped men's basketball teams at 13 scholarships while women's basketball teams carry 15 scholarships. According to IWF, "The elimination of scholarships for minority males is clearing the way for white females some of who have never played team sports - to take athletic scholarships they may not need or may not have pursued." In a telephone interview, Kimberly Schuld said that it is appropriate for women's athletic teams to use revenue t:'3rned by the football program to pay for their expenses, since men's teams like golf and hockey also cannot earn' sufficient revenue to account for expenses. However, Ms. Schuld added, a problem arises "when universities create new varsity SpOrts such as equestrian and rowing to equal men in participation. In rowing, in which there are almost no high school programs, they are picking girls out of the cafeteria iust for a Quota."

man girl who has never held a paddle in her life, are both considered varsity athletes raises many questions to universities across the nation . One recent sporting event that reintroduced the controversy over Title IX was the U.S. women's world cup victory. After the game for example, many remember President Bill Clinton running through the locker room crediting Title IX for the

Page 17}

surging success and interest in women's soccer across the nation. Ms. Schuld, who begs to differ commented, ." The world cup was a fantastic athletic event, but I deplore the use of the victory to make these girls politicians. No one noticed their victory in 1995, and most of these girls developed in commun ity and national leagues not affected by Title IX." Percy Bates, Ph.D , a school of education professor who specializes in sports issues dealing with women and minorities, believes that the Universiry should not pay its football players with the revenue that they generate. "I believe that a full scholarship is equal to payment, and if you are a football player and you want to be paid, then you should play for the Detroit Lions. Our main business at this Universiry is to produce college degrees." As for the revenue discrepancy between men's and women's teams, Dr. Bates pointed out that at the women's basketball team at the University of Iowa has earned more revenue than the men's team in the past. When asked about the current trend due to Title'IX of cuTting men's sports and creating new ones for women, he replied, "We simply have no choice but to provide the same opportunities for women and men in athletics." .M.t

Do:you feel'that women's "varsity" sports teams, whiCh will ;accept literally anyone, are lowering tf1e standards ,of what it MaGn$to be VarsitY? E-mail us:

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October 6 ,


1999 1

One of the Best Lesbian Movies Ever?

Damn Straight! By



HE MOST DYNAMIC and controversial of lesbian relationships is not that which drives the ma- jority of the new film, Better Than Chocolate. What is most delightful and thought provoking about this, for the most part, conventional forbidden love story is actually the element of the collision of two subcultures that often find common ground but here often clash: the gay-lesbian communiry and the rransgendered community. Although it must be admitted that the central figures , Maggie and Kim have terrific chemistry and that their attraction and love scenes are both believable and tantalizing, their conflict over acceptance by Maggie's down-on-her-Iuck ex-homemaker mother, is roo ordinary and often forced. What makes Better Than Chocolate a truly fine and challenging film is not this traditional girl meets girl hot shower scene - old fashioned sexually repressed , male dominated mother doesn't approve so the butchy one takes a hike, et cetera, et cetera framework to which it definitely could have fallen victim. No, one must lunge beyond such sa~­ charine plot devices and peer deeper, if the true adventurousness of this very entertaining and often funny date movie is to truly resonate. It is, in fact , the transgendered friend of Maggie and Kim's, Judy (or, as is later tragically revealed, "Jeremy") that is most effective in demonstrating the ever presellt

need for increased acceptance anclunderstanding of those who choose alternative lifestyles. Judy, played here byrhe remarkably versatile Peter Outerbridge - who also appeared as a necro-curious individual in the scandalously beautiful film Kissed is the most compassionate and empathetic of any of the characters. ''I'm no f**k ing drag queen," she so scrumptiously belts out on the featured stage of the Cats Ass nightclub. And she isn't. Judy

Nearly a lesbian version of the pottery-making scene from Ghost, Kim and Maggie indulge in body art and the canvas equivalent of snow angles. Gorgeous! wants to be fully accepted as the womyn that she self-identifies as, and she will stop at nothing to showcase her truly "tender transgendered heart. " Such liberation even results in the most intriguing and iconoclastic hate crime of the film, as Judy is attacked in the wimmin's restroom by another lesbian, simply because she is biologically male. It is even the intervention of Judy that leads to the major turning point in the conflict between Maggie and her mother over Maggie's sexuality. Judy's often-frustrated crush on the GertrudeStein-obsessed owner of the Ten Percent Bookstore (not a discount store, thank you) where Maggie works is also the most



Alois Lageder Pinot Grigio 1997 - Alte Adigo, Italy

Nose curiously like a perfumed Vouvray, with flighty hints of rose and magnolia blossoms - thrilling! Rippling waves of apple in the nose, with muscular pear and peach aromas. Like the smell of one's dearest sorority girl at the start of the evening. Chopin waltzes are the prime accompaniment, and though Vivaldi will suffice for some, note that this particular selection is well-suited to both major- and minor-key' pieces (esp. concerto no.5 of L'estro Armonico). Flirtatious attack, with

moving and telling of the film's relationships. Better Than Chocolate opens with a phone call to the drowsy Maggie by her martially troubled mother informing her that she and Maggie's brother Paul will soon be coming to indefinitely stay in Maggie's "new" apartment. Having recently dropped out of university because she "just hated it" and currently crashing on the couch of the gay-lesbian book-nov-

medium body. Palate is consistent with the nose, though pears more pronounced. Acquiescent finish. Excellent in rainy (preferably warmer) weather, but not with fog. Not recommended for those who purchased the new Nine Inch Nails CD or any NIN CD, for that matter.

elty store in which she works, Maggie is forced to find a quick sublet. She's in luck! A sex education teacher - with a remarkable amount of novelties herself - happens to be leaving for four weeks. So, wondering outside the bookstore Maggie runs into Tony, the Italian-American stereotype who is the proprietor of the coffee bar next door, currently posing for a portrait by the determined but potentially gentle womyn who just happened to save Maggie from the harassment of ski~-heads on the previous night outside of the Cats Ass. There are looks, knowing looks, those looks. Tony's portrait is conveniently finished and the two find themselves at Kim's

sistent and rather deep color, despite the questionable blending practices in Rioja. Heavy tannins, very grapey, with strong currents of tar and smoke, even a tinge of Marlboro Red (not that we've ever smoked such vulgar cigarettes) in the finish. Very heavy texture, but it simply does not unfold; could benefit from more aging (this winery uses more traditional Bordeauxtype production methods than do other producers in the region) . Reminiscent of Schubert in an obnoxious mood. Not recommended to those waiting at Shaman Drum for American Culture texts.

Kunde Merlot

Marques de Caceres Tempranillo Blen.d

1997 - Sonoma

1995- Rioja Alta

Vibrant inoffensive cherries abound from the cork. The sp icy attack leaves the palate groping for a distant yet clearly familiar memory. An excellent selection for the season: a pre-color change, lightjacket autumnal sensation of underbrush

A cork like perfumed panties on some mediocre female. Boysenberry and raspberry in the nose, with piquant clove and subtle overtones of grass and smoke. Con-

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(the artist's) place. But, as usual, authority intervenes. Johnny Law! Parking Nazis! Towed while still inside! $150 ticket - Kim can't afford that. Well, there's always Maggie's new place. And here arrives the most picturesque of the love scenes of the film. Nearly a lesbian version of the pottery-making scene from Ghost, Kim demonstrating her full artistic talent, as she and Maggie indulge in body art and the canvas equivalent of snow angles . Gorgeous! Must shower, but there's a knock - it's the annoying, wooden mother character! Yikes! I'll allow you to take it from here. Overall, Better Than Chocolate is an intriguing and thoroughly enjoyable collage of relationships that in the end leaves none of the characters appearing "normal. " Even the mother character develops a marvelous bond with Judy and eventually sees beyond the vague prejudices that had controlled her life and undermined her youthful passion for opera singing. Maggie's brother Paul, who is fairly accepting of his sister's sexuality (although there are the inevitable giggles at first), finds himself on an unexpected experimental sexual adventure with Maggie's bisexual co-worker Carla that forces him to question his own sexual presuppositions. Every character arrives at a different frame of mind than when we first meant them, and that, especially in a film concerning sexuality, is most definitely a sizable achievement. l\.R

and alkaline soil glide one into its calming, patient evolution. Medium to full bodied all around, complex but not ostentatious. Baker's chocolate pervades the spicy reprise of its finish , like the remnants of dark red lipstick after a nightcap kiss, when a vaporous cinnamon aroma echoes from afar, like the voice of some heartbroken mother calling her only son back from the brink of darkest sin. Altogether Mendelssohnian. Not recommended for professors who wear jeans. l\.R

Want to write for the Review's Living Culture page? Just e-mail: editor @michiganreview.cQI1.1:.. (B.Y.O.W.)

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Pizzas are available in three sizes &:' Sicilian:

Specialty Piuas are available in three sizes &:' Sicilian:

IO-inch (personal)

14-inch (Medium)

IS-inch (X-Large)



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IO·inch (Personal)

14·inch (Medium)

IS-inch (X·Large)


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!'Ieat Combo rizza •••

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Make your favorite piua from the

8arbe<.ue Chicken Pizza...

combinations below:

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fxtrn (,h .. " .... Mushrooms

Pepperoni Ground Beet tlam

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* Ricotta

* Artichokes

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Garden Dcliqht Pizza...

Red Onion Anchovies


Salad f'izza ...


(Lettuce. Tomall). Oli"f..' . Kt<1 On;Qn, ~. !Seets ~

While Onion Banana Peppe


fZiIl. 1U0000. l'\o.llat.ll~ fr Tomoto Saule!

fTesh Tomato & Chicken rizza ... !fresh Tomato. Chicken a- 1'1ozzarella!



:s..~ried f.f fr~ Tomato. fetaa- Onion;

Sicilian Marinara wiUlout Cbeese

Meat I"izza...

(Ham. Pepperoni. Sau~

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Sf.KVED COW Ham ~Cbce8e ... Salami ~ Provolone ... Italian Combo... Tuna ...

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With Butter Sauce. ..

$6,00 . 0 $6.00 , <..I

With Garlic tc 00...


With Sausage.. . With /IIeat Sauce...

$6.50 $6,00 $6,00 $6.00


$5,50 $5.50 $5.50

(wrth LellUC" and Tomato)


With JIIeatbaU .. .

Bottled Water••• fountain Drinks... Medium , 16ol .) Large i24 01. i


Arizona Iced Tea. ..

~:---O-W-N·BAKE=--====---D ~"'" ~ DISHES ~ Baked stuffed SheDs••• Baked /IIanicotti... Baked Ravioli... Baked Meat Liwagna... Baked Vegetable Lasagna ...


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BAKED ZITI Salad & I Lg. Drink


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All served with Pizza Bread or Garlic Knots


All Stuffed Pizza served by the SLICE for $ 2.60

Baked Ziti •••

$6,00 Sausage ~ Peppers Panniglau... $6,00 ttIeatbalI Parmigiana._ $6.00 Sausage Parmigiana ... $6.00 f.ggplant fannigiana .•. $6.00 Olicken Parmigiana. .. $6,50 $2,50 Grilled Olk.ken. .. $2.00 #OllpaU... $5.00 (l£ttIKe. Tomato. Gr. Pepper. Mushroom.1 $2 00 $ 00 ' with Tuna or ctdcken $2.50 extra

$4.00 $4.00 $4.00 $4,00

With Tomato Sauce...

With 8ro«:oIi. Garlic ~ Oil ...

Stuffed fggplant ...

if'roplanl. Ricotta Torn3l0 Sauc:e a: Mouarellal

Garlic Bread...

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Stuffed Vegetable rizza ..• (BroccoH. 51'1113(.h . RjcOlla & Mozzarella,

$ I ,SO $.3.50 H ,OO $ 2.50



All Specialty riua served by the SLICE for $2.35



Garlic Knots...(S)

.t:s., Ifrtsll Tomalo. Onion. Gallic a- Spices:

~ot"-----------""' SuDdried Tomato fIua


$3.50 $4.00

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Baked Ziti fIu.a ...

• Chicken

Cheese Calzone•.. Spinach tt Chee5e Calzone... Ham ~ Cheese Calzone... Chicken Roll ••• Veggie Roll ... Sausage ~ Feppers Roll ... f"iu.a Bread tc lIIarinara Sauce... Chicken Panini... f.ggplant Panlnl... Spinach Fanfui ... 6read stkk5. .. 8rud Sticks wI Cbeese...

IBro«.oli. Spinath. Mu.\hmo!11 "rcer repp'" r,esh 03«( d' On,O<l,

Regular SLICE is $ 1.60 plus 50¢ each toppll1g (*$3.00 extra)

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$7 ,00 $7 .00 $7,00 $7,00 $7.00 $7,00

$1.50 $1.00 $1,25 $1.50


Chicken Parmigiana.. . Sausage & Peppers.. . Meatball Parmigiana... Eggplant f'armigiana •••

$8.50 $8.50 $8.50 $8.50

All served with Piu.a Bread & choice of Ziti. Spaghetti or Salad.


Olives, Ham. Salami l!( Provolone)


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88Q Chicken Salad... (letlu~c.

Tomato. Red Onion ~ MQ Chldlcnl


$1.50 Extra

1/2 Salads...


Grilled 0lickeD...


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Greek Salad... H.dtuce, Tomato. Cucumber. Carrots. feta Cheese . BeelS ~ Red Onlolll

1 Lg. Drink


CbefSalad... (lettuce. TomaIo, Cucumber, Umots,

With Ricotta Cheese


Italian Salad ... ileltucc. Tomalo. (ucumber, Carrots, Olives &: l'loll.arclla;

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2 10" Small with 1 topping


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