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THIS MODERN WORLD

Mother Mary dolls. We have Mary figurines with knives in her heart and outstretched compassionate arms. Our Jesus on the cross figures have bloody nails which pierce his body.

By Tom Tomorrow

Top Five 1

All the disastrous ways people are trying to tie Christmas trees to their cars

For your downtown exhibit of baby Jesus, we have pesticide- and G.M.O.laden hay, suitable for feeding your animals. The pesticides are gifts that keep on giving, since they never leave your body after eating the animal.

Healdsburg pays $20,000 to tell cable TV viewers that it has great food and wine

Take full advantage of our mistletoe. With your “God-given, freewill,” have many children.

Jerry Sandusky’s lawyer inadvertently suggests that people call gay sex hotline

Our best product this year is our Old Testament God doll—full of fire and brimstone. Pull his string and he damns your spoiled children (goes well with rod beatings).

Bottega’s Michael Chiarello will not be the Next Iron Chef, boo hoo

Come on over!

PAUL ANSELM

Cotati

Write to us at letters@bohemian.com.

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5 Louis C. K.’s new comedy special is only $5; you owe it to yourself to laugh a little

NO RTH BAY BO H E M I AN | D EC E M BE R 14–20, 201 1 | BOH EMI A N.COM

Rants

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1150_BO  

Christmas at the top of a mountain in Antarctica p20 Thrift Store Auctions p8 | Towers of Power p26 | Renewed: Society p34

1150_BO  

Christmas at the top of a mountain in Antarctica p20 Thrift Store Auctions p8 | Towers of Power p26 | Renewed: Society p34