THIS MODERN WORLD
Mother Mary dolls. We have Mary ﬁgurines with knives in her heart and outstretched compassionate arms. Our Jesus on the cross ﬁgures have bloody nails which pierce his body.
By Tom Tomorrow
Top Five 1
All the disastrous ways people are trying to tie Christmas trees to their cars
For your downtown exhibit of baby Jesus, we have pesticide- and G.M.O.laden hay, suitable for feeding your animals. The pesticides are gifts that keep on giving, since they never leave your body after eating the animal.
Healdsburg pays $20,000 to tell cable TV viewers that it has great food and wine
Take full advantage of our mistletoe. With your “God-given, freewill,” have many children.
Jerry Sandusky’s lawyer inadvertently suggests that people call gay sex hotline
Our best product this year is our Old Testament God doll—full of ﬁre and brimstone. Pull his string and he damns your spoiled children (goes well with rod beatings).
Bottega’s Michael Chiarello will not be the Next Iron Chef, boo hoo
Come on over!
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5 Louis C. K.’s new comedy special is only $5; you owe it to yourself to laugh a little
NO RTH BAY BO H E M I AN | D EC E M BE R 14–20, 201 1 | BOH EMI A N.COM
Christmas at the top of a mountain in Antarctica p20 Thrift Store Auctions p8 | Towers of Power p26 | Renewed: Society p34