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METRO ANE

MAGAZINE

Voted America’s #1 Adult Weekly

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METRO ANE

MAGAZINE

Voted America’s #1 Adult Weekly

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Editor In Distress

Here’s some pictures I took while I was out and about last weekend. From top left clockwise: Andrew of Black Tusk rocking out at Rubber Gloves, Becca and Sam at Heaven Unite Hell at Panoptikon. Punk meets goth at Muddy Waters and Vivienne Vermuth and I after her performance at Panoptikon. gil@anemagazine.com (Picture by Scotty Mankoff)

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Miss Opposite Gay Marriage Is Digging A Deep Hole Can anyone believe this Carrie Prejean? You may remember the former Miss California USA as the bikini clad blonde who was asked her thoughts on gay marriage by tabloid blogger Perez Hilton. Her answer became legend, referring to something called “opposite marriage” en route to voicing her opposition to equal rights for gays. “We live in a land where you can choose samesex marriage or opposite marriage. And you know what, I think in my country, in my family, I think that I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman. No offense to anybody out there, but that’s how I was raised.” The Miss USA Pageant is owned by Donald Trump, who seemed to relish in the controversy that her answer inspired. After conferring with former Mrs. Blink 182 drummer and Oscar De La Hoya baby mama Shana Moakler (herself a former Miss USA who at the time was serving in some advisory capacity) The Donald declared that “Miss California has done a wonderful job, that was her belief ... It wasn’t a bad answer, that was simply her belief.” He also pointed out, and rightly so, that the only reason people cared to beging with was because of the way that she looked, which is what had landed her on national television to begin with. That was back in April however, and suffice to say that Trump may have a different opinion of his almost Miss USA as the year draws to a close. First, she was fired for what pageant officials claimed was a breach of contract by refusing to fulfill obligations and being difficult to work with. Prejean made the counter claim that the reason for her dismissal was rooted in the gay marriage opposition controversy, although I can’t imagine why a bunch of pageant people would possibly hold a grudge for that. Nonetheless, she was out, and so began her mega church PR tour, the likes of which had not been rivaled since The Power Team ran out of phone

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books to rip in half. The Religious Right readily embraced her, even seeming to turn the other cheek when pre boob job pics surfaced of Prejean getting caught in a wind storm as an unscrupulous photographer snapped away at her completely accidentally and unintentionally exposed breasts. That explanation was easier to buy before the sex tape. Coming to light in her lawsuit against the pageant for wrongful dismissal, pageant lawyers offered a screening of a sex tape that Prejean had sent to an ex boyfriend. She dropped her lawsuit on the spot, and got busy telling anyone who would listen that she was underage when the tape was made. According to TMZ.com, the ex boyfriend confirmed to them that she was in fact twenty when the tape was made, and that she had contacted him after the tape surfaced in an attempt to get him to lie about her age. She threatened to walk off Larry King’s set when he pressed her on the details surrounding the tape. In interviews, she repeatedly called the tape the biggest mistake of her life. Now it turns out there are seven other video taped mistakes to go along with that one, in addition to thirty or so still shots. I’m all for cutting people slack, but if these allegations turn out to be true, she will have willingly lied to Sean Hannity. How exactly are we supposed to forgive that? If it turns out that she bared false witness, in addition to all the other stuff she bared, I just can’t bare to think of losing her as a role model to young women everywhere who need to know that they can be anything they want, and their bodies are temples, and stuff. Richard Hunter hosts “the Richard Hunter Show” weekday afternoons 4-6pm on AM 1360. Log on to richardhuntershow.com. Voted America’s #1 Adult Weekly

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Live Shows and Events Double-Wide ( w w w . m y s p a c e . c o m / thedoublewidebar) Fri. 11/20: Captured! By Robots (San Francisco), Dim Locator Sat. 11/21: Here Holy Spain, The Mag Seven (Amarillo), Cruiserweight (Austin) Tue. 11/24: DJ Bad Holly

The Liquid Lounge (In The Curtain Club) Fri. 11/20: Matt Brodeur, The Patient Patient, Tim Hall, The Wake Sat. 11/21: Project H, Oliphant, Jet City Rotation, My Fastest Robot LAKEWOOD BAR AND GRILL (www.lbgdallas.com) Wed. 11/18: Blake Martin, Emmeline and Enemies Thur. 11/19: Heathen Suns, Le Cure Fri. 11/20: Stratoblasters Sat. 11/21: Poison Cherry, 8 Tracks Tue. 11/24: Jazz w/ Jody Binford Quartet

O’RILEY’S (www.myspace.com/orileys2003) Fri. 11/20: The Effinays, Soul What, Sacred Groove (George Lynch Tribute Band), Twenty 3 Fifty 9, Anubium Sat. 11/21: Stigmata, Alloy, Otis Jones Project, Ground, Deep South Union SONS OF HERMANN HALL (www.sonsofhermann.com) Reno’s Chop Shop Tue. : Blues ‘n’ the Night ( w w w . m y s p a c e . c o m / Wed.: Swing Dance renoschopshop) Thu.: Electric Campfire Acoustic Every Wednesday: DJ Virus spins Jam 80’s Fri. 11/20: Trey Johnson, Salim Every Thursday: Jerry Rutherford Nourallah & the Constellations, Spins Rock Dave Little’s Meltdown Fri. 11/20: Torch Entertainment: Embrace the Embers, Scylla, Still THE PEARL Breathing (www.pearlatcommerce.com) Sat. 11/21: Sixty Two, Logic Engine Wed. 11/18: Rick Yost and The Sofakings Lola’s Saloon Fri. 11/20: Christian Dozzler and (www.myspace.com/lolasfortworth) Robin Banks CD Release Party! Wed. 11/11: Sat. 11/21: Omar and The Howlers Thu. 11/19: Ginny Mac, Shuttle, Mon. 11/23: Miss Marcy and Her Rabbits Got the Gun, Sloan Texas Sugar Daddies Automatic Tue. 11/24: The Rebel Alliance Jazz Fri. 11/20: Gil Mantera’s Party Ensemble Dream, Binary Sunrise Sat. 11/21: Rivercrest Yacht Club, MUDDY WATERS Sally Majestic, Goodwin ( w w w . m y s p a c e . c o m / muddywatersonliveoak) SKILLMAN STREET BAR Fri. 11/20: Mojo Dolls ( w w w . m y s p a c e . c o m / Sat. 11/21: Bipolar Express skillmanstreetbar) Fri. 11/20: Caronte, Grim, THE GOAT InColdBlood, Inura, In the Trench, (www.myspace.com/goatsblues) OverThrow, The 12th of Never Wed. 11/18: Karaoke with Snake Sat. 11/21: NonetheLess, Wumb, Thu. 11/19: Pete Barbeck Jam Seventh From Adam, Moon Fluid, Fri. 11/20: Jackie Don Loe - Electric Check the List, Lust for Lucy Trio Sun. 11/22: Alexa Machine & High Sat. 11/21: Boogie Men Speed Dubbing Recording Studio Sun. 11/22: Karaoke w/ Carmen presents: BATTLE OF THE BANDS Mon. 11/23: Tony DeCicco, Perry Jones Jam Poor David’s Pub Tue. 11/24: Luau Larry & The Sand (www.poordavidspub.com) Crabs Thu. 11/19: Brian Pounds Fri. 11/20: Rik Emmett (Triumph), THE LOUNGE ON ELM STREET Dave Dunlop ( w w w . m y s p a c e . c o m / Sat. 11/21: The Greencards theloungeonelmst) Wed. 11/18: DJ Sista Whitenoise The Curtain Club Thu. 11/19: Mic The Tiger, Electric (www.curtainclub.com) Tickle Machine, Dead Beat Poetry Fri. 11/20: Stewart Mann and The Fri. 11/20: Americans In France Statesboro Revue, Last Of The Sat. 11/21: Boys Named Sue, Ashfords, Blue Condition, Harber & Southbound Lane Miller Sun. 11/22: DJ Rob Viktum Sat. 11/21: Strongarm Entertainment Mon. 11/23: Local H, Kinch, Engine Thanksgiving Food Drive Orchestra Tue. 11/24: DJ El Macho

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One of the cool things about Myspace is that it makes it easy for bands, venues and magazines to link up and promote their ventures. I probably would have never heard of The Red 100’s if I didn’t start a Myspace profile for Metro ANE. Occasionally we get stuff in the mail, but usually I just meet bands at shows I go to. The Red 100’s while young are doing a really good job of brings rock n roll back to Dallas. We I first listened to them I though Jimi Hendrix and some old Lenny Kravitz. Sure enough I was right that they were influenced by lots of awesome 70’s bands. They are playing at The Boiler Room in Denton this Thursday, November 19. Check them out if you can. -Gil How long have you been around? W have been around for a year. We have played many places in Dallas such as The Cavern, The Door, The Prophet Bar, Andy’s Bar. How would you describe your sound? Our sound is a mix of deep southern blues from the delta with progressive hard rock with a touch of soul. Most of our influences reach back to the 1960’s with bands such as The Jimi Hendrix Experience, Cream, Led Zeppelin, and Santana. We love old school 50 Rock and Roll. And sound that is pure and gritty with back bone and feeling appeals to us. Where does your name come from or mean? Our name stems from the iconic appearance of Marlboro Red cigarettes. If you like a smooth but gritty smoke, try a Red 100; if you like a smooth but gritty musical group, try a Red 100. What kind of live performance should I expect? Our live performances are very inspiring. Our set up is the classic rock trio. We have Raul on guitar, Robbie on bass/guitar, and Kyle on the drum skins. Our live set includes some of the funkiest riffs with rumbling drum patterns that will make your ears cream with ecstasy. We also bring some of the realest blues riffs since the days of Muddy waters and Albert King. Who are you playing with at The Boiler Room? We are playing with Bronze Whaler, The Bright Light Social Hour and The 71’s. www.myspace.com/thered100s The Boiler Room is located at 101 W. Hickory, Denton, TX. 940-566-5483

Heavy Metal Monk Retires From The Limelight Italy's "Brother Metal," a 63-year-old monk who became famous for singing in a heavy metal band -- habit and all -- is hanging up his microphone, saying the devil made him too much of a celebrity for his own good. The white-bearded Cesare Bonizzi, a Capuchin who recorded CDs for a punk label and was the lead singer for the band Fratello Metallo (Metal Brother), said the devil was up to his usual mischief. "The devil has separated me from my managers, risked making me break up with my band colleagues and also risked making me break up with my fellow monks. He lifted me up to the point where I become a celebrity and now I want to kill him," the monk said in his farewell video. The video shows one of the monk's band members shaving off Bonizzi's long mane of white hair

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as a sign of his turning a new leaf on life. For years Bonizzi performed at concerts wearing his traditional Franciscan brown robe, sandals and white rope around his waist. His second heavy metal CD was called "Mysteries," and was inspired by a group of southern Italian women who sang about the Virgin Mary. Bonizzi, who fell in love with heavy metal when he attended a Metallica concert some 15 years ago, says fame had put him on the wrong path. But he still thinks heavy metal can be a means to spread the gospel message of peace and love. "I think that metal is the strength of music itself. Metal is a brother," he said in the video.

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aAin't Nothin' But a G-Stringc

Those dadgum Hickoids... only took um twenty years after they released Waltz-A-Cross-Dress-Texas (which they just dun re-released on CD a coupla months ago) til they decided to come up wit’ a new un. Hold yer horses... this gem of a 5 song EP/CD tease for their Hairy Chafin’ Ape Suit full length release whcih they say will be out “forthcoming”... that’s Hickoid fer, “when we get around to it...” Y’know, it takes a special buncha guys to write songs like the first track, “The Workingman’s Friend,” which is an ode to either a drinking establishment in our fine capitol city of Austin, an ol’ school best-burger greasy spoon in Indianapolis... or maybe it’s a garage. Or maybe it’s a combo of all three... huh, that’d be sumthin’ now, wouldn’t it? It’s a crazy kinda waltz, so you don’t have to two step to it to dance, just count to three. Up next is “Cool Arrow,” about a dude who thinks he’s all that ‘n a bag o’ pork skins. This song makes me think of that time I went to the Mex-Mex joint ‘round the corner... it was karaoke nite, and this big ol’ gal got up and did a ‘Spanic version of Buck Owens’ “Bakersfield.” And it makes me giggle every time I hear the line, “You must be horny cuz I hear ya honkin’.” Classy and classic. An’ leave it up to The Hickoids to come up with the very solution to my

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conundrum of how to cohabitate with a man without killin’ him now that I’m getting’ older – “Side by Side Doublewides.” I wonder if Jeff Smith would let me duet on this one with him sometime... I betcha we’d sound just like Tammy Wynette ‘n George Jones a’fore the beatin’ commences! “The Best Liquor Store” is the rowdiest tune in da bunch, and it’s about, well, “the best liquor store for window shoppin’”. I find this somewhat suspicious as I know for fact that the two founding Hickoids, aka Smith and Davy Jones (no “Alias:” haha) no longer imbibe in the devil’s juice. But it’s funny how Smith sings about how he wrote a love letter ‘n tied it to a rock, threw it through the window ‘n ran down the block. The last cut is “The Talking Hot Pants Blues,” a song about a guy who wears hot pants, sings country tunes and drives a freak van. It seems to me The Hickoids are already mournin’ him, as they are posin’ the question, “Who’s gonna wear/sing/drive...” at the start of each verse. Accompanyin’ Smith and Jones are drummer Jonie Hell, guitarist/keysman/ pedal steel player Scott Lutz, bassist Rice Moorehead, slide ‘n electric guitarist Stevie Tombstone, as well as guest players bassist Paul Harpel, guitarist Adam Pringle and acoustic guitarist Steve “Chuck” Stokes. Besides the wonderful tuneage in this pre-release, imagine my surprise when I looked at the cover and saw that freak NYC artist Andy Warhol’s famous banana that he used for that Velvet Underground record (hey, just cuz I love my country ‘n my western don’t mean I’m ignernt about other musical styles)... anyhew, it’s coverin’ up The Hickoids’ brand, which is an ear of corn. What will they think of next...?

So have you dirty boys and girls missed me? I sure have missed you! So many thingsIt have happened, I hope you caught some of the FANTASTIC shows and revues that have happened! I was very fortunate to have been asked to perform with the Gloryhole Girls at Heaven Unite Hell, a special wedding show for Hoodman of Hoody’s World Promotions and Lillith Blind (Metro ANEs Old Man Mike was the best man. -Editor), at Panoptikon on Friday the 13th. It was a gorgeous wedding and a fun show to dance and attend! I debuted a naughty new routine which I’m sure will be requested a lot more in the future! Also, I attended the 2009 Dallas Fetish Ball on the 14th, and myself and Scarlette Switches lubed folks up at the Latex Shining Booth... mmm let me tell you, it was the funnest job I’ve ever had! Local lovelies Angela Ryan, Athena Fatale, Courtney Crave, Kali Ann and Melissa Meaow modeled for Torture Garden fetish fashion, along with other international models. There were play rooms dedicated to other

groups, including my fast favorite the Gloryhole Girls (http://www.girlsgonegloryhole.com), and the famous Wheel of Pain, which included Athena Fatale and Caustic Cayla doling out some very appropriate actions. It was an amazing show, and if you didn’t catch it this year, keep the Church’s website on your favorites links and come next year! Some amazing shows coming up My next show will be at Club Excuses on Dec 5th, called Gifts and Garters! This will also feature the current Queen of the New Orleans Burlesque Fest Perle Noire, so reserve your tickets now! Visit http://www.myspace.com/ giftsandgarters for info! The Lollie Bombs’ famous Holiday Show, at the Pocket Sandwich Theater, is on Dec. 18th and 19th. This show always sells out, so call direct 214 821 1860. Also, the Lady Divina camp will be bringing the burlesque legend Catherine D’Lish to Dallas! Visit http://www. ladivinaburlesque.com for details. Cheers! Vivienne Vermuth Follow me on Twitter! Vforvermuth (Picture of Vivienne by High Art Studio)

Editor note: This week’s column is by Miss Hannah Hokes, country singer/ western slut since YRS4 has been ill

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METRO ANE SPORTS 5,084 yards and 48 TD’s and they were heavily favored to blow out the Niners. Remember George Seifert? He created a defense for San Fran that underlined and italicized what the word “suffocate” means regarding stuffing an offense.

The Dallas Morning News Sports section ran a nice article about how the basic NFL offensive structure has changed from “defense wins championships” to all out passing attacks are the formula to win by. Seems a statistical analysis was conducted that showed for several decades QB’s tossing for 300+ yard games weren’t the big winners, but the running games with great defenses were. Now the stats seem to tell these researchers otherwise. Along with statistics being about as exciting as watching bees buzz, you can either read them incorrectly or get them to say what you’d like them to say. In this case the whole story wasn’t exactly laid out for you. To get what was going on you’d have to know what the offensive schemes were, the game plans set up for different opponents, and what talent was available to run the plays. The bottom line: it’s all about the hardware. I don’t care what statistics say about Favre or Manning or Marino, we locally got one Troy Aikman who owns THREE Super Bowl rings. He doesn’t own a huge amount of acreage on the statistical ranch, no, he don’t. Troy made a decision that winning, and winning championships, was far more important than individual numbers. Marino’s considered one of the best passing QB’s of all time, but guess what? Dan only played in ONE Super Bowl, that being XIX, in January of 1985, and the Dolphins LOST to the Niners. This was Merry Marino’s second year and he scalded the league in the regular season for

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Yes the Dolphins jumped to an early first quarter lead, 10-7, but after that Miami couldn’t have melted butter on a hot burner. Miami put up zero points in the second half, and Dan’s totals were 29 of 50 completions, 1 TD, two INT’s, and four sacks, three of which landed on him in the third quarter. The point? Don’t let these 300 plus yard games by a QB fool you. Yes, there will always be the exception to the rule, in anything, but in the NFL, great defense consistently is what wins championships. By the way, Donovan McNabb of the Eagles just threw for 450 record setting yards in a loss to the Chargers. Let’s jump to inside the ring. How many of ya’ll saw the Pacquiao v Cotto fight? The first round was both fighters testing the waters, but from the second through the fourth they got to it. They got to it with a vengeance. For those three rounds it was a battle royal. Unfortunately for Cotto, he’d never faced a style of boxing that the PacMan throws at you. He comes in from all angles, swooping and soaring, straight ahead, from the sides, come in low and while rising up, swing one from the mat. From the fifth on it was a bloody mess until finally called. Sort of a one man swarm. What I wanna bark about is the phrase: “pound for pound he’s the best fighter out there”. C’mon, that’s just about stupid. Whoever thought it up was stupid, and whoever keeps repeating it is even more stupid. How’s about an example, say a 98 pound kid who takes on the local bully, if he wins then “pound for pound” he’s the baddest 98 pounder out there.

But what if he loses, is he “pound for pound” the weakest or worst 98 pounder out there?

ously the short pass away from Romo. Uh, that doesn’t leave very much, does it.

Here’s one for you: two 155lb men, one a champion boxer and one a Harvard professor, holds a Department Chair, and is Professor Emeritus. Pound for pound, which one takes it? Or two 170lb UT prof’s, one the Department Chair and Emeritus, the other an internationally renowned researcher with a Nobel prize. See how stupid that gets? That’s just somebody’s crap from the playground: my ball’s bigger than your ball, nah nah nah.

A: it proved that Dallas doesn’t have a balanced offense. B: it proved Dallas’s receivers are NOT ready for prime time. C: it proved that the offensive game planning is subpar.

Somebody like Pacquiao is the best fighter “in his weight class”, but pound for pound he isn’t the best fighter because there’s some bigger, badder dudes out there that can smash him like a cockaroach on your kitchen floor. Now what might be a damned interesting fight is to have PacMan enter a MMA ring. We could ignore the pound for pound crap and really match up a top boxer with a top martial artist. And unlike Cotto having to drop a few lbs while Pacquiao bulked up, in a MMA ring he’d just have to take it as it comes. Hell, I’d pay to see that. Ok, you’ve been waiting for it, let’s get along with the Cowpokes. Let’s try to find the real question here. Will a balanced offense far more often than not win games? Since a balanced offense normally implies that both the running game and passing game are above average, are the Cowboys a balanced offense? It would seem that Green Bay doesn’t believe Dallas is a balanced offense because they committed to stopping the run and force Romo to beat them with the pass. GB’s defensive coordinator, Dom Capers, runs a 3-4 but stacked the line, played tight man coverage on the receivers, and took the deep pass, medium pass, and obvi-

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And there I think we have the question. What is wrong with the offensive game plan? Let’s start with how to stop a blitz: you beat ’em with the pass until they are forced to drop back and defend it. You can have two wide outs and two tight ends, or three WO’s and one TE, but either way, you send two deep, one a short slant and back out, and one a slant across the middle. It sounds vanilla but it defeats a blitz. Why? Because the middle of the field is almost always open against a blitz. Why couldn’t Dallas force the Packers to back off? It didn’t look like very many deep or medium routes were being called, our receivers couldn’t get even a step on the defenders, and Roy Williams still doesn’t finish routes, run them all well, or catch critical balls. Don’t give me all the lip about Romo being under constant attack, because IF the passing game takes hold, and by the way, he’s got one or two backs who can stay with him and block, then that will slow the rush. I think the offensive line cudda done a better job overall, but the onus of this loss falls on the receivers and the offensive coordinator. Ah, the OC, one Jason Garrett, the also assistant head coach. He ain’t got the stomach for a close game. What do I mean by that? He quit on the running game FAR too early. Hell, it was a no

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METRO ANE SPORTS

score game first quarter, only three to zip second quarter, still three to zip third quarter, and the points didn’t come until the fourth.

So, I gotta ask, since the score didn’t, and I mean DID NOT dictate that the passing game was forced to us, then why couldn’t we have gone to the run more? No, I’ve had questions about Garrett’s game plans, game adjustments, and play selection since he was hired, and it’s about time the head coach, whoever that is, puts a fire under him. Why don’t I just accept this as a normal loss that comes with a season? Because it was “the way” the game was lost, and don’t bother telling me that doesn’t matter. In the 90’s we were winning Super Bowls but we also had losses, yet we took those losses a different way, mostly because of “how” the team and staff worked. Aikman, Irvin, and Smith set the standard and I don’t have any reason to think we should change it. Do you? What was the worst factor in the game? The loss of right tackle Colombo with a broken leg. Our backup RT, McQuistan, was inactive for the game, so LT Free took his place. Now do you think Jones shudda been more active in draft? Even if Roy Williams had not been a bust, and so far that’s all the success he’s had, we’d still be needing offensive line help. Romo’s actually been good at one part of the passing game, and that’s the buck. Yep, he’s been successfully passing the buck as far as accepting responsibility for what he does wrong and what he’s not doing in a leadership role, which he hasn’t bothered to assume yet. In post game interviews he’s gotten rave reviews for his snide remarks such as letting the media know that “he” knows far more of the “little” things that go on during a game than members of the media do. Well, Tony m’lad, I’d just appreciate the heck outta you holding a media clinic for us poor uneducated writers and schoolin’ us on the “basics” of football. I’d be proud as a struttin’ peacock to have you learn me on all those “little” things that I am just plain ignorant on so’s I could write a better way about those losses. Or victories. I’m assuming you’ll serve popcorn during those film studies? No?

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Let’s see how the rest of the league did.

(4-5, home 2-2).

The Falcons visited the Panthers and felt loss number four come crashing down on their heads. Anybody else out there think Ryan and Flacco are now having that so called sophomore slump? The Vikings pulled Favre early in the fourth and gave both TJack and the Lions a chance. The Lions defense felt better although they didn’t do any better, and Tavaris Jackson got some game time experience at not doing much, instead of just standing on the sidelines and not doing much. The Vikes need to know if they use TJack or Sage if Favre gets injured, and so far it doesn’t look good for either.

Sunday noon games One so bad the FCC should sue the NFL for stinking up the airwaves: Browns (1-7, road 1-4) at Lions (1-8, home 1-3).

The Jags go visit the Jets and come out ahead, which doesn’t save Del Rio’s job but looks good. Sanchez isn’t having the first year success of Ryan or Flacco, but he should have a better second year. The Broncos visit Washington and get their ponytails all knotted up tight. A fake kick takes the Redskins to three wins and fields of clover, but they ain’t gonna be making hay next week in Dallas. Is anybody out there REALLY gonna tell me that the Titans shudda been playing Vince Young at QB all along? Really? They’ve beaten three weak cellar crawlers and VY is the new Prince of Lightness? Really? It was calculated when they’d put him in and spoon feed him vanilla pudding with a massive running game. VY ain’t been tested yet, but that days a comin’. Green Bay improved to five wins but they aren’t gonna challenge for the division and it’s highly doubtful they buckle up for a NFC wild card spot. The Eagles aren’t doing themselves any favors, but that’s ok, they’re giving ‘em to Dallas. If you didn’t like the Patriots at Colts game you were probably a chick that was tired of a full day of football. Great game. That’s AMERICAN football not that euro futboll.

NFL Week 11 Thursday 8 o’clock NFL Channel Two middle of the roaders that oughta put on a good show: Dolphins (4-5, road 1-3) at Panthers

Four that you just don’t want to show on the screen: Steelers (6-3, road 2-2) at Chiefs (2-7, home 0-4), Saints (9-0, road 4-0) at Buc’s (1-8, home 0-4), Bills (3-6, road 2-3) at Jag’s (5-4, home 3-1), and Seahawks (3-6, road 0-4) at Vikings (8-1, road 4-0). A pleasant one that you don’t want to take any TUMS over but are forced to have by you just in case: Redskins (3-6, road 0-4) at Cowboys (6-3, home 3-1). Any one of these three will get your plasma tv so hot you could use it to give victims IV’s: Falcons (5-4, road 1-4) at Giants (5-4, home 2-2), 49er’s (4-5, road 1-3) at Packers (5-4, home 3-2), and Colts (9-0, road 4-0) at Ravens (4-4, home 3-1). Both Atlanta and New York are in must win games, this will be a battle. San Fran doesn’t care what Green Bay just did to Dallas’s running game, they’re gonna pound ‘em. The Colts are gonna get a very hot taste of the Ravens D, and they’re gonna get it early and often, this won’t be one for the meek. 3 o’clock games You got’s to have a sloppy one so how’s about: Card’s (6-3, road 4-0) at Rams (1-8, home 0-4). This is a division game, will be fun, and should have lots of surprises: Jet’s (4-5, road 2-2) at Pat’s (6-3, home 5-0). Ah, maybe, just maybe, the game of the day: Chargers (6-3, road 3-1) at Broncos 6-3, home 3-1). Changing fortunes against two teams tied for their division. If Denver doesn’t take this one they’ll be left in the dust. Sunday night game 8:30 Not a bad way to end the day, sorta like going back to the dinner table for late seconds or thirds to fill in the corners: Eagles (5-4, road 2-2) at Bears (4-5, home 3-1).

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Monday Night Football Now THIS one’s gonna be interesting: Titans (3-6, road 1-4) at Texans (5-4, home 2-2). Tennessee’s got a running game that’ll break teeth on impact, and the Texans have a defense that’ll make some QB’s cry. Oops, that’s already happened to Titans QB Young.

Readers Response: Two Dogs: Before the NFL season started you ranked the NFC East. You placed the Redskins last despite their defensive help, you put the Giants third (good guess), and set the Eagles in second calling them the canisminor of the east. What did that mean? Milton Denton Milton: Canisminor is a constellation that means lesser dog. TD Two Dogs: I’m a huge Bronco’s fan and I know we’re going to the Super Bowl, but nobody else believes me. We have the league’s top defense and Orton is running the offense as well as Manning or anybody else could. There’s other good teams out there, but I don’t get why the respects not there for my Broncos, do you think we got a chance? Ray Addison Ray: I think you’re looking at the Broncos much like a dog enjoying a rainbow, both are magical and mystical. Problem here is, dogs are color blind and just like he ain’t seein’ that rainbow, you ain’t seein’ that offense for what it really is. Could a dog ever see a rainbow? The odds say no, but here’s the next kicker: even if a dog ever did see one, none of the other dogs would believe him. That’s exactly how the rest of us feel about your seeing Denver in the SB. TD

Pat “Two Dogs” Snow twodogs@anemagazine.com

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Steve McQueen Inspired Triumph Motorcycle

British motorcycle manufacturer Triumph and Swiss watch manufacturer TAG Heuer have collaborated to create a special, one-of-a-kind “Bonneville Heuer” Triumph motorcycle. The association between Triumph and TAG Heuer comes as a result of their common values and the legacy of Steve McQueen, who was famously linked to both brands. The TAG Heuer Bonneville features a unique blue and orange paint scheme that was inspired by the Porsche sports car driven by Steve McQueen’s character in the movie Le Mans (1971). McQueen wore TAG Heuer’s Monaco watch in the movie, and today TAG Heuer is celebrating the 40th Anniversary of the watch. McQueen rode Triumph motorcycles personally and in movies such as The Great Escape (1963). Triumph Motorcycles continues that relationship with McQueen’s estate to create vintage styled McQueen apparel. For 2010, the Triumph clothing

range includes a jacket and t-shirt reminiscent of when McQueen raced a Triumph in the International Six Days Trials in Germany. “We are delighted to play our part in this exciting project. The Triumph Bonneville and TAG Heuer Monaco are both timeless masterpieces, celebrating their respective 50th and 40th anniversaries this year,” said Neil Morley, Triumph’s Head of Brand Communications. “We also both have a natural connection with Steve McQueen, who famously wore a Monaco watch in the film Le Mans and was renowned for his love of our bikes, making this a very natural collaboration.” The special Triumph Bonneville was unveiled in Paris by Lewis Hamilton, the 2008 Formula One world champion and TAG Heuer brand ambassador, and can be seen at various watch shows and TAG Heuer retailers throughout Europe.

Wackiest Cars In Tokyo

Auto shows are lightning rods for the strangest of the strange, attracting the cars that automobile designers cook up while locked in their studios, shaping clay models or drawing digital sketches. Nowhere is this more true than the Tokyo Motor Show. This year’s collection of the weird and wacky didn’t disappoint, with manufacturers from Honda to Subaru showing off their latest and most bizarre wares. Not surprisingly in this era of alternative fuel sources and stringent emissions regulations, plug-in hybrids and electric vehicles dominated the show floor, some more likely to see production than others. We’ve put together our choices for the quirkiest vehicles on display in the Land of the Rising Sun.

Upcoming 2009 Events

November 21, 2009 Frisco, Texas “Dallas Stars Toys for Tots Ride” Sponsored by Dallas Stars, The Metroplex Marines, Crossroads Cycle, Live-Fast airbrush and design, Family PowerSports, Victory Motorcycles, Harley Davidson of Dallas, and Metric Tech Ride starts at Dr Pepper Star Center, 2601 Avenue of the Stars in Frisco. Registration and toy drop starts at 5:00 pm and the ride leaves at 6:00 pm. The ride fee is a new unwrapped toy or minimum $10.00 donation. Riders may pre-register by Thursday, November 19th and your form will be filled out and waiting for you to sign at the Registration Table. All riders must print a registration form from the website and bring the completed form with them to the ride. For more information call (214) 563-4185 or go to http://www.DFWTFT-MR.com. November 21, 2009 Denton, Texas “Denton ABATE Memorial Toy Run” Sponsored by Denton ABATE , the Denton County Toy Store, and Lake Cities Food Bank The ride starts at Stone Hill Center at I-35N and North Loop 288. The ride leaves at 12:00 pm and will include a stop to drop off toys. The ride fee is one new toy and one canned good, or a minimum of $10.00. The ride ends with food, door prizes and live music. For more information call (940) 230-7622 November 21, 2009 Duncanville, Texas “A Twiztid Christmas Toy Run” Sponsored by Twiztid Ink Tattoo Studios, Duncanville VFW, Alvarado VFW, Alvarado Police Assc., Alvarado Shop with a cop, Rainbow Room, Freedom roads Ministry, Alv VFW Riders, and Boy scout troop The toy run starts at the VFW in Duncanville. The ride begins at 1:00 pm. The ride ends with the toy drop off, food, band, and more. For more information call (817) 783-7677 or go to http://twiztidink.com. November 22, 2009 Fort Worth, Texas “41st Annual Turkey Run, Cycle Club Of Fort Worth” Sponsored by Eurosport Cycle 3100 Airport Freeway The ride starts at Eurosport Cycle, 3100 Airport Freeway in Fort Worth Texas. Registration begins at 9:00 am. The first bikes go out at 9:30 am and the last bike goes out at 11:00 am. The ride ends with food 50/50 drawings, and prizes. Turkeys will be awarded for first, second, and third place winners. The ride fee is $10.00 if pre-registered or $15.00 at the gate. For more information call (972) 642-3094 or go to http://www. cyclecluboffortworth.org. Have a ride or other event you want posted? Send the information to: editor@anemagazine.com

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Hummer Plans H4, H5 Amid Uncertain Future

Hummer is being sold to China’s Sichuan Tengzhong Heavy Industrial Machinery with production of current generation vehicles to be carried out under contract by GM. Moving forward, Hummer’s new Chinese leaders plans to get smaller with an H4 and H5.

Hummer brand CEO Jim Taylor, speaking with Automotive News, discussed Hummer’s rather hazy future. Though the sale has not yet been finalized, the agreements are in place to sell the brand to Tengzhong Heavy Industrial Machinery for $150 million, while that doesn’t include any kind of manufacturing capacity, it does have a good deal of intellectual property in the transaction. GM will be providing contract manufacturing of the current Hummer brand products until the negotiated contract ends, but it’s up to Tengzhong, Hummer, and Jim Taylor to work out a plan after that.

Designer Builds Driveable Sega OutRun Cabinet Garnet Hertz of the Pasadena Art Center College of Design is installing wheels, motors, and other equipment necessary to turn an OutRun arcade cabinet into an actual running car that renders on-screen what’s happening in real life using GPS sensors.

Though the cabinet itself is modeled after a Ferrari Testarossa, it’ll be built on top of an EVT America Electric Trike with electric motors. The GPS sensors from an iPhone will be combined with custom software to spit out a “map” on the arcade screen in an OutRun style. Of course, since this is highly dangerous it’ll only be used in a controlled environment and not just out on the street.

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gorilla gadgets

odd : cool : interesting : insane stuff! USB VHS Converter

We all know VHS tapes were useless. Wonky tracking, limited lifespan, noisy spools, below par qualitywe could go on. So we will. Bulky, clunky, fragile, ridiculously slow to rewind - the list is truly endless. But for all its faults VHS was the leading video format for almost thirty years. And thats why you’ve got stacks of tapes languishing in the garage and piled up in the closet. And that’s why you need the amazing USB VCR Converter. This idiot-proof video player allows you to convert long-forgotten VHS recordings into pristine digital files. So you can cringe at your mullet in those homemade vids, laugh at The Love Boat, marvel at Alex Trebeks mustache (course you taped Jeopardy) and cringe as Mr T jibba-jabbas on in those ancient Burger King ads without dusting off your soon to be obsolete VCR. Simply pop in a tape, press play and leave the rest to this USB-friendly machine. It doesn’t matter if you want to watch reinvigorated recordings on your computer, iPod, PSP or DVD. The included conversion software caters for stacks of formats.

rungs means the height of these ladders can be easily adjusted to meet whatever job your facing. So buying a version that’s slightly bigger than your personal needs may not be such a bad decision. Featuring both consumer and commercial grade units, the tallest model can match the height of an 18 foot extension ladder while holding up to 300lbs of weight. Also, since they’re mainly comprised of hollow tubing, the overall weight of these ladders is nothing compared to that of their standard brethren. For instance the 18 foot model discussed above weighs in at under 33lbs, meaning it can still be easily moved by one person alone, especially when secured snugly in a convenient carrying case. http://www.telesteps.net

RadarGolf Ball Location System

Thanks to the RadarGolf system you golfers will never lose another ball again, though you will have to jump through a few hoops for it to be really useful. The system uses BPS, or Ball Positioning System technology, along with three key components to make it easy to locate a wayward ball. Both the special RadarGolf balls and the handheld receiver use RF signals to talk to each other, and when located an LCD display and an audible tone on the handheld unit will help you pinpoint in what direction and how far away your lost ball lies.

As well as its incredible ability to amalgamate declining technology with cutting edge jiggery-pokery, the USB VCR Converter can be used as a regular VCR. Just plug it into your TV and you’re away. And when visitors snigger at that front-loading flap, you can fire up your iPod and show them a converted recording of Dean Cain getting bashed about on American Gladiators. Touché. http://www.firebox.com

Telesteps Telescoping Ladders

A good ladder is a must have for anyone with a home to maintain. Unfortunately unless you’re a full time painter or contractor, the amount of time a ladder actually gets used is nothing compared to the time it spends waiting in the garage or storage shed just taking up space. Thankfully, the Einsteins over at Telesteps seem to have invented a solution that provides all the height reaching help one could want while minimizing the space required to store it when not in use.

Made of aircraft grade aluminum tubing and reinforced with steel connectors, depending on the model, these telescoping ladders manage to stretch upwards of 12.5 feet of height from around 2.5 feet while compacted. That said, as an added bonus to saving space, the ability to collapse only certain

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According to their site the special RadarGolf balls meet all USGA specifications for size, weight, distance, initial velocity and symmetry, and the embedded transmitter chip is small enough that it doesn’t affect the ball’s performance. However, the balls don’t each have a unique RF signal, so the handheld receiver will actually detect all the RadarGolf balls in its vicinity, even if they’re in your golf bag or your pocket. So the balls that aren’t in play have to be stored in a special ‘Shield-it’ pouch that’s made with a metallic fabric to block the RF signals. It’s not a major inconvenience, but I can’t see the system being that useful if too many people are using it on the same course. A RadarGolf starter kit which includes a dozen balls, the handheld receiver and a couple of Shield-it pouches runs $199.95, while a dozen replacement balls (if the system really works why are these necessary?) is $39.95. http://www.radargolf.com

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Sex In the Newz Prostitution Case Tossed Over Goverment Funded Sex

An appeals court has ruled that state police botched an eastern Pennsylvania prostitution investigation in which troopers gave an informant money to pay for sex four times at a massage parlor, along with a total of $180 for the man’s trouble. The Superior Court opinion issued Thursday upheld a Lehigh County judge’s ruling that threw out prostitution charges against Sun Cha Chon on the grounds that the government had acted outrageously. The appeals court ruling described how the man first approached state police to say he had been solicited for sex at the Shiatsu Spa. Troopers then supplied the unnamed man with government money and sent him back four times to engage in what the county judge called “a smorgasbord of sexual activity” during June and July 2006. Lehigh County Judge Robert L. Steinberg said the man’s subsequent visits did not advance the police investigation. He was given $360 total to pay for the services that allegedly involved Chon and another woman, plus the extra $180 for his time. The lead investigator said the informant contacted police because he had been offended by the offer of sex, according to the Superior Court ruling. “It is difficult to imagine how this informant could have been so offended, and yet proceed to engage in oral and sexual intercourse with the two women in this case and laugh about it with the investigating troopers after each occasion,” wrote Judge John T. Bender for the three-judge Superior Court panel.

and disturbing, it “constitutes a statutory nuisance.” Yesterday, an English judge upheld the conviction of 48-year-old Caroline Cartwright, whose aurally intrusive lovemaking got her banned from “making excessive noise” during sex anywhere in Britain. Weirdest Sex Laws Cartwright had appealed the decision, saying she had a right to “respect for her private and family life” and that she could not help making loud noises during sex. According to this May Daily Telegraph article, Cartwright was jailed after repeatedly flouting noise citations regarding her bedroom behavior. Those present at the trial were treated to a recording of the couple having sex. Recorded from a neighbor’s room, the noise reached 47 decibels, or roughly the level of a normal conversation. One neighbor was quoted by the BBC as saying, “The noise sounds like they are both in considerable pain. I cannot describe the noise. I have never ever heard anything like it.” Others testified to losing sleep, saying the screaming and shouting occurred “virtually every night,” and “for hours at a time.”

House Work Reduces Sperm Count

It’s the get-out clause work-shy husbands have been praying for for years. A study has found that household chores – including using a vacuum cleaner or microwave oven – could reduce a man’s chances of having children. Researchers exposed male volunteers to electro-

No Daily Viagra Dose, No Peace! Philly magnetic fields – high doses of which are produced Transit Workers Rise Up In Protest by all electrically charged objects, including refrigThe striking union of transit workers in Philadelphia are angry that they’re not getting daily doses of Viagra. And amazingly, their bosses apparently caved on their demands after the union turned down a generous offer -- and threatened to embarrass the city during the World Series. The Southeastern Pennsylvania Transportation Authority has agreed to cover almost all of its rising health-care costs, and to increase coverage for Pfizer’s (PFE) Viagra and other erectile dysfunction treatments, the Philadelphia Daily News reports. Workers are unhappy that their health insurance plan only covers about 10 pills a month. With the exception of Playboy (PLA) founder Hugh Hefner -- who must be buying his little blue pills wholesale -- most patients are prescribed a hand full of erectile dysfunction pills at a time. Doctors -- legitimate ones, with offices and licenses -- know that these pills are almost as popular on the Internet as Paris Hilton’s sex tape, and most don’t encourage patients to make a few extra bucks by dealing it. Many customers do deal it, of course. In 2006, a SEPTA employee was caught trying to illegally obtain nearly 40 Viagra prescriptions. This new benefit will no doubt renew that entrepreneurial spirit among some employees.

Woman “Powerless” To Control Herself During Sex Getting vocal during sex isn’t a crime—unless you live in England and the noises you make are so loud

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erators and vacuum cleaners – and found such exposure could double the risk of having poor-quality sperm. Fertility expert Dr De-Kun Li said his work provides the first evidence of a link between electrical goods and declining male fertility. Dr Li, of Stanford University, California, said: ‘I would advise men and couples trying for a baby to reduce their exposure to electromagnetic fields as much as possible. The study recruited 148 donors at a sperm bank in Shanghai. Tests showed that 76 had poor sperm mobility, shape or count, while 72 had good-quality sperm. Those volunteers whose job involved working with high temperatures or being exposed to chemicals linked to sperm damage such as solvents and pesticides were excluded. Participants were asked to wear meters which took readings of magnetic fields every four seconds for 24 hours on days they considered ‘typical’. They found that the half of the group who had peak readings above 0.16 microtesla – a measure of magnetic field strength – were twice as likely to have low sperm quality as those with readings below this level.

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Feeling Dirty

All About Porn: Releases, News and Stars! Vivid Renews $1 Million Movie Offer To Carrie Prejean

Vivid Entertainment Group has renewed its $1 million offer to Carrie Prejean to star in one of its upcoming movies. “We originally made the offer in May when Carrie was making headlines during the controversy over her statements during the Miss USA Pageant. She didn’t get back to us at the time,” said Steven Hirsch, cochairman of Vivid. “Now that it’s been revealed that she has actually made her own sex tape we know her reluctance certainly wasn’t based on any fear of performing sexually for the camera. She’s a beautiful woman with plenty of talent and we still believe that a video featuring her would be a best seller.” Hirsch said he has no opinion on her religious or personal beliefs. “We’re doing this simply because she’s hot and has a certain star quality.” He said any movie in which she appeared would be distributed under the Vivid-Celeb imprint which is known for titles starring such personalities as Shauna Sand, Kim Kardashian and Ray J, Jimi Hendrix, Vince Neil and others.

Judge Issues TRO Barring Distribution Of J-Lo Sex Tape

The judge in the case apparently agrees that this is one celebrity sex tape lawsuit filed in earnest. On Monday, Los Angeles Superior Court judge James Chalfant issued a temporary restraining order barring Ojani Noa, the ex-husband of actress Jennifer Lopez, from distributing a movie he is peddling in Hollywood that apparently contains racy footage of the couple taken during their 1997 honeymoon. Lopez filed the $10 million lawsuit Friday against Noa, whom she was married to for only 11 months, accusing him breaching a prior confidentiality agreement by shopping around a proposed movie called “How I Married Jennifer Lopez: The JLo and Ojani Noa Story,” which features home video that purportedly contains sexual situations shot in their hotel room during the honeymoon.

Superstar MILFS Adam & Eve A few months ago AVN magazine had a special MILF issue and it talked about how the demand for MILF porn is helping keep older porn stars in the business longer or helped bring them back into the spotlight.

Porn used to be only for those in their twenties, but now women in their thirties and forties are finding work in the porn business. Well I’m pretty sure Adam & Eve and director James Avalon read that article because they got most of the ladies mentioned: Teri Weigel, Ginger Lynn, Julia Ann, Dyanna Lauren and Lisa Ann. When I got this I was pretty excited because of the inclusion of Lisa Ann. Till she did Who Nailin Palin, I had never heard of her, but lately she has become one of my favorite porn performers. Truthfully I’m a little disappointed with this release. Lisa Ann’s scene is scorching hot. I’ve probably watched it three or four times already, but the rest not so much. I think she needs a whole release to herself. Teri Weigel and Julia Ann scenes were pretty good but I watched Lisa Ann’s scene first and it’s hard to measure up to her. At least to me. Ginger Lynn reminds me of the actual MILF from American Pie, but she didn’t really keep my attention. I guess since I’m older I like barely legal. Even though I wasn’t really into this release, I can still see it being a popular release at the stores. Three out five. -Gil Tha Thrill

Asslicious Digital Playground Digital Playground presents the big asses of Alexis Texas, Kelly Divine, Andi Anderson, Mackenzee Pierce and Olga Cabaeva in this new, high-end gonzo series for ass and anal lovers. In “Asslicious”, all holes are open for business and customers are always urged to park in the rear. Director Robby D. says, “With ‘Asslicious’ we decided to kick the horny factor up a notch with even more extreme anal. The girls love starting things off with a cock in their mouth, moving it to their wet pussy, and finally easing it into their tight assholes for the grand finale. ‘Asslicious’ is your first and last stop for booty pleasures.”

Fetish Fucks # 4 Vouyer Media

Olivia O’Lovely Invades Dallas... See Her Perform At Club Onyx on Thursday, Nov. 19

A Latin mix of Spanish, Italian, Chilean, German and French, Olivia O'Lovely is certainly lovely. As an independent star, she works for various studios though she eventually intends to sign a contract that will allow her to feature dance more often. She grew up in Southern California in the Inland Empire. Her first sexual exploration was with a girl at age 8. The first time she had sex she was 14, almost 15. She loves sex and being freaky. She loves to play with girls even though it took her until she was 21 to be with a girl for real. She has her own clothing line called Diabla by Olivia. She loves feature dancing, because it gives her a chance to travel and meet new friends and fans. She has a website at http://www.oliviaolovely.com and she would really like you to join, so you can see more of her.

by Evolution Erotica.

Her newest release is I Love Big Butts released

Come see Olivia O’Lovely perform, two shows, this Thursday, Nov. 19 at Club Onyx, which is located at 10557 Wire Way (Northwest Hwy & I-35), Dallas.

Cutting-edge director Van Styles is back to take his unique blend of beautiful women and outrageous scenarios to the next level, with vignettes that put a welcome emphasis on tight, shapely asses and exotic butt-play. Exotic Vouyer Media favorite Kristina Rose, so memorable from Styles’ Poolside Pussy, is back and looking better than ever, adopting a 50s retrochic Bettie Page vibe for a stunning screw that’s rife with choice camera angles. While the delectable Ms. Rose offers plenty to please fans of younger flesh, MILF addicts will find their desires met with the very next scene, a scalding session featuring busty blonde bombshell Phoenix Marie.

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Classic Cheesecake Showgirl: Gia Nova By: Ms. Misha Morê

The Lodge - The Lodge is now on Twitter at Twitter.com/The LodgeDallas. Holiday VIP Party Tuesday Dec. 8 6-9pm. More info to come. Saturday Date Night: Free cover for couples, Happy Hour drink prices, and $25 Dinner and Dessert from 6-9p. The Lodge, 10530 Sprangler Rd. @ Northwest Hwy, Dallas. Spearmint Rhino - UFC 106 with Tito Ortiz VS Forrest Ortiz this Saturday, Nov. 21 at 9PM. 25 cent Rhino Wings, 1/2 off all appetizers and $10 dances in between fights. Customer Appreciation Party Tuesday, Nov. 24 from 9pm to Midnight with $1 wells and domestic and free buffet. 10965 Composite Drive, Dallas. Silver City - Love Potion No 9 Nine Year Anniversary Party Thursday, Nov. 19. There will be dollar drinks, free buffet, palm readings, stage performances and give aways.6-9pm. Free Vegas style buffet on Tuesdays and Thursdays 11am-2pm. 7501 Stemmons, Dallas. Cabaret North - $2 you call it Tuesday. One dollar long necks all day and night on Wednesday. 5316 Superior Parkway, Ft. Worth, TX 817-626-9900 XTC Cabaret - Come see the World’s Smallest Stripper at 2 feet 11 inches, Sassy Cassee this weekend Nov. 19-21. Her showtimes will be at 9pm, 12am and 3am. Text “JOIN XTCDAL” to 78747 for their latest events and updates. 8550 N. Stemmons, Dallas 214-267-8550 Club Onyx - Come see Latina Porn Star Olivia O’Lovely this Thursday, Nov. 19. See will perform twice and only that night, so think about calling in sick Friday. 10557 Wire Way, Dallas 214-5455600 The Men’s Club - 17th Anniversary celebration with 80’s Night this Wednesday, Nov. 18. Wear your best 80’s clothes. There will be a surprise celebrity guest appearance at 11pm. $1.50 cocktails and domestics and free buffet till 9pm. Then Casino Night the next day, Nov. 19 with black jack, craps tables, roulette and $1,000 in prizes. Plus there will be $17 four course gourmet dinner by executive Chef Paolo and $1.50 cocktails and domestics till 9pm. 2340 W. Northwest Hwy, Dallas 214-956-8800

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Gia Nova was born in Pittsburgh and lives in Atlanta and is the eldest sibling in her family and enjoyed being raised by a flower child mother. In school, she was very artistic and the editor of an art magazine and made her own clothes and describes herself as a gothic art nerd. A former make-up artist and burlesque performer, she started dancing inside the Georgia club scene; first fetish, then exotic. She was a performer more comfortable with latex and leather than she was stilettos and sequins. From there, her feature act evolved. She went to school for costume design and earned a degree in Historical Design. It wasnt long before that she started dabling in front of the camera instead of behind it. She started pin up modeling and doing burlesque shows. She draws inspiration from Olivia and Vargas. Her roots are very fetish and pinup. She has been seduced by the glitz and glamour and headlining at gentlemen’s clubs as a feature entertainer. Among her accomplishments are: *Exotic Dancer Magazine’s Newcomer National Grand Champion 2008 -Awarded Best Breast, Most Beautiful Face and Best Entertainer. *Penthouse Bronze Showgirl Award 2008 *Penthouse 10yr. Anniversary Silver Centerfold Award 2009 *Exotic Dancer Magazine’s National Championship Best Show 2009 -Awarded Fanciest Fanny *Miss Nude Int’nl 2 RU 2009 -Awarded Best Burlesque Show -Most Original Show -Hottest Legs *Private Dancer Magazine Cover and Centerfold 2008 *Xcitement Magazine Cover and Centerfold 2008 *Penthouse Magazine May 2008 and July 2009 *Penthouse Golden Gstring Calender 2009 *Cheri Magazine Holiday 2008 *Playboy.com’s Women of Playboy 2008 *Playboy.com’s and Busty Babes 2009 *Playboy

69 Sexiest Spots In America *Marvelous Mayhem Corset Model *AMF Korsets Runway Model *H2Ocean Model National Add 2009/10 *Cameo Appearance In Rob Zombie’s Halloween 2 2009 *Cameo In Shake 2009/10. Her most recognized show is the “grinder” where she appears on stage sporting an angle-grinding saw, sans blade, and runs it across her steel bra. Club owners keep asking her about that particular show and want her to do it every show, every night. But she has many other exotic performances in her repertoire. The suicide blonde is one-half of the feature act Blondelicious, which also includes ED’s 2009 “Overall Entertainer of the Year” Rachelle Laree. The two appeared as Blondelicious on the Rick’s Cabaret Las Vegas stage during the EXPO ‘09’s “Post Game Celebration Party.” Last year she walked away with industry awards such as Best Show and Newcomer Grand Champion at the Exotic Dancer National Championships, and was a nominee for ED’s 2009 “Club Favorite” Award. Gia Nova is exclusively booked through feature dancing agency Continental Agency with Frank Bane. Her long range goals is to get into more mainstream horror movies like “Rob Zombie’s Halloween II” and do more pin-ups. Travel the world doing her own burlesque shows and work her own line of lingerie and design more elaborate costumes. For MORE info on Gia and her feature schedule, go to http://www.myspace.com/gia_nova To see MORE of My work, visit: http://users.adultspace.com/MSMORE.

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Strippers-On-A-Truck Promotion Halted In Las Vegas Live strippers on the back of a truck is too much — even for Sin City. A Las Vegas strip club has agreed to stop an advertising promotion that involved hauling bikini-clad exotic dancers around in a truck with clear plastic sides. Larry Beard, marketing director of Deja Vu Showgirls, said Friday that he's taking his lawyer's advice and parking the truck. "We're going to respect the opinion of the folks that are against it," Beard told The Associated Press. "We're going to be good citizens and take it off the street." Beard had told the AP earlier this week that he was prepared to fight county leaders and others who thought the moving truck promotion was unseemly or unsafe. "The girls are wearing more than the girls at the swimming pool wear," Beard said this week. "Even though they're not stripping and taking their clothes off I think people are offended because of the idea that they do." The truck rolled for 13 nights along the Las Vegas Strip from 10 p.m. until 2 a.m., trying to lure customers to the club. Three sides had windows that weren't tinted, offering views of the strippers dancing around a stripper pole. The tactic worked, with business booming since the truck started going out, Beard said. "We even have cars and limos follow us to the club," Beard said this week.

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The dancers were allowed to perform in the truck because it was classified as a vehicle for hire, which let the dancers ride in the back without seat belts, Beard said. Public outrage over the truck grew as pictures and videos of the truck surfaced on the Internet and a county commissioner in Las Vegas vowed to shut it down. Clark County Commissioner Steve Sisolak said he got calls from citizens who hated it and others who liked it, but he considered the truck a safety problem. "It's clearly a distraction," Sisolak told the AP. "Somebody's going to turn their head to look at some girl flipping upside-down and spinning on a pole, and take their eyes off the road and could swerve and pop up the sidewalk and plow into a bunch of tourists that are walking along." Sisolak said he plans to try to close a loophole in local laws regulating mobile billboards. Regulations prohibit advertising vehicles that use animation or flashing lights, and Sisolak said he would try to prevent live entertainers from being used, too. Meanwhile, he's happy the club owners decided to park the truck. "Could they have won in court? That would have been a long, costly, time-exhaustive battle," Sisolak said. "They clearly got a lot of publicity as it stands, which I'm sure made them happy."

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Did I Ever Tell You The One About... And other strange oddities of the world

NC School Sells Test Points For $20 To Raise Money

A middle school in North Carolina is selling test scores to students in a bid to raise money. The News & Observer of Raleigh reported Wednesday that a parent advisory council at Rosewood Middle School in Goldsboro come up with the fundraising plan after last year’s chocolate sale flopped. The school will sell 20 test points to students for $20. Students can add 10 extra points to each of two tests of their choice. The extra points could take a student from a “B” to an “A” on those tests or from a failing grade to a passing grade. Principal Susie Shepherd says it’s not enough of an impact to change a student’s overall grades. Officials at the state Department of Public Instruction say exchanging grades for money teaches children the wrong lessons.

vageable, but in his words, “Salt water isn’t good for anything.” He says the man, whose identity hasn’t been released, was not injured. A 2006 Bugatti Veyron was recently offered for sale in Jonesboro, Ark., for $1.25 million.

And The Ugliest People Are...

Britons are among the ugliest people in the world, according to a dating website that says it only allows “beautiful people” to join. Fewer than one in eight British men and just three in 20 women who have applied to BeautifulPeople. com have been accepted, an emailed statement from the website showed. Existing members of the “elite dating site” rate how attractive potential members are over a 48 hour period, after applicants upload a recent photo and personal profile. Swedish men have proved the most successful, with 65 percent being accepted, while Norwegian women are considered the most beautiful with 76 percent accepted, the website said.

Man Provides Photo For His Own Wanted Poster

A British man on the run from police sent a picture of himself to his local paper because he disliked the mugshot they had printed of him as part of a public appeal to track him down.

The police thanked him for helping them in their appeal, saying: “Everyone in Swansea will know what he looks like now.”

Man Distracted By Bird Drives Bugatti Into Marsh

A man blamed a low-flying pelican and a dropped cell phone for his veering his million-dollar sports car off a road and into a salt marsh near Galveston. The accident happened about 3 p.m. Wednesday on the frontage road of Interstate 45 northbound in La Marque, about 35 miles southeast of Houston. The Lufkin, Texas, man told of driving his luxury, French-built Bugatti Veyron when the bird distracted him, said La Marque police Lt. Greg Gilchrist. The motorist dropped his cell phone, reached to pick it up and veered off the road and into the salt marsh. The car was half-submerged in the brine about 20 feet from the road when police arrived. Gilchrist said he doesn’t know if the car was sal-

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Nearly a year after voters in this economically disadvantaged state overwhelmingly passed a ballot initiative approving the consumption of medicinal marijuana, a new trade school has opened its doors to educate aspiring growers. Med Grow Cannabis College, located in the Detroit suburb of Southfield, is set to graduate its first class of students later this month. Its co-founder and president, Nick Tennant, the 24-year-old son of a General Motors Corp. employee, said he sees a significant opportunity to teach standards and safety in an industry that can eventually improve the state’s sagging business climate. “This is profitable and poised for tremendous growth,” Mr. Tennant said. Although some might jokingly call him the dope dean, Mr. Tennant is serious, even as his appearance is blond, hip and wholesome. “A lot of people think you can pick up a book, put some seeds in the soil, shine some lights and you’ll have a crop,” he said of the information needed to grow pot well. “But there are so many variables, and it’s like a trade to grow it -- with skills like a master plumber or electrician.” So far, there doesn’t seem to be any opposition to this trade school. Nick Tennant, 24, of Center Line, Mich., co-founded

South Wales Police had issued media with the photo of Matthew Maynard, wanted by officers investigating a house burglary, as part of a crackdown on crime in Swansea. When it appeared in the South Wales Evening Post, the 23-year-old sent the newspaper a replacement photo of himself standing in front of a police van. They obligingly printed it on the front page.

Michigan Farm Expert Opens Marijuana University And Teaches Science Of Growing Pot Med Grow Cannabis College to help teach aspiring growers how to cultivate high-quality medicinal marijuana.bryan mitchell/special to the washington times HIGHER LEARNING: Jason Beam of Grand Blanc, Mich., practices cloning a marijuana plant at Med Grow Cannabis College last month in Southfield, just outside of Detroit. In a spacious facility featuring a lab, a classroom and growing rooms, students take a six-week night course that covers botany, horticulture, business, law, history -- even cooking with a trained chef who teaches how pot can be included with such dishes as sushi -- all in an effort to cultivate quality medical-grade marijuana. Roger McDaniel, a disabled carpenter and former semitrailer mechanic, and his wife, Valeri, from Taylor, Mich., are taking the classes. They said the education is far more in-depth than they ever imagined. Mr. McDaniel, 53, who was injured in a motorcycle accident, said marijuana has helped ease his symptoms in a more natural way than prescription medications. He and his wife enjoy gardening and said the course work is an extension of their interests as well as a way to improve their quality of life. “Instead of living on all these pills, the Vicodins and Lortabs that tear up your insides, this gives you the pain relief and you are not damaging your body with all these chemicals,” Mr. McDaniel said of his medical marijuana use.

The way that BeautifulPeople.com accepts new members is simple. A potential member applies with a photo and a brief profile. Over 48 hours, existing members of the opposite sex vote whether or not to admit them, the site said. Options are: “Yes definitely,” “Hmm yes, O.K,” “Hmm no, not really” and “No definitely not.” The site was founded in 2002 in Denmark and went live across the globe last month. Since then, the site has rejected nearly 1.8 million people from 190 countries, admitting just 360,000 new members. “I would say Britain is stumbling because they don’t spend as much time polishing up their appearance and they are letting themselves down on physical fitness,” Beautiful People managing director Greg Hodge said. “Next to Brazilian and Scandinavian beauties, British people just aren’t as toned or glamorous.” Only the male Russian and Polish applicants fared worse than British men, although Russian women had a 44 percent acceptance rate. Polish women did not appear in the table. German applicants were slated for offering up unflattering photographs, which may have hindered their acceptance rates at 15 percent for men and 13 percent for women, the lowest rate in their category. “German men and women aren’t faring well, but they are submitting stern images, they need to soften up,” Hodge said.

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News, Rumors and Gossip Salt Lake OKs Gay Rights Laws With Parker and former city attorney Gene Locke were the two top vote-getters out of a field of seven on Mormon Backing November 3 and will face each other in a December The Mormon church for the first time has announced its support of gay rights legislation, an endorsement that helped gain unanimous approval for Salt Lake city laws banning discrimination against gays in housing and employment. The Utah-based church’s support ahead of Tuesday night’s vote came despite its steadfast opposition to gay marriage, reflected in the high-profile role it played last year in California’s Proposition 8 ballot measure that barred such unions. “The church supports these ordinances because they are fair and reasonable and do not do violence to the institution of marriage,” Michael Otterson, the director of public affairs for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints said. Passage made Salt Lake City the first Utah community to prohibit bias based on sexual orientation or gender identity. Under the two new ordinances, it is illegal to fire someone from their job or evict someone from their residence because they are lesbian, bisexual, gay or transgender.

12 runoff. Portland is currently the largest U.S. city to be led by an openly gay mayor, Sam Adams. Parker is running to lead the nation’s fourth largest city. The group says they’re alarmed by the possibility of a “gay takeover” of City Hall – two openly gay candidates are also vying for seats on the Houston City Council – which could lead to the reversal of a 2001 amendment that prohibits the city from providing benefits to the domestic partners of gay and lesbian employees. The fifty-three-year-old made history in 1997 when she became Houston’s first openly gay city council member. She served three terms on the council, then moved on to city controller in 2003.

Prejean Refuses To Take Gay Caller’s Question On ‘Larry King’ Former Miss California Carrie Prejean refused to take a gay caller’s question Wednesday night on Larry King Live, then threatened to walk out on the show.

Utah lawmakers tend to quickly fall in line when the influential church makes a rare foray into legislative politics. So Tuesday’s action could have broad effects in this highly conservative state where more than 80 percent of lawmakers and the governor are church members. “What happened here tonight I do believe is a historic event,” said Brandie Balken, director of the gay rights advocacy group Equality Utah. “I think it establishes that we can stand together on common ground that we don’t have to agree on everything, but there are lot of things that we can work on and be allies.” But the church has pointed out an inherent dispute it has with gay relationships. Mormonism considers traditional marriages central to God’s plan. Gays are welcome in church, but must remain celibate to retain church callings and full membership.

Bravo Is Filming New Reality Show ... The Gay Housedudes Of Atlanta

First there was the REAL Housewives of Atlanta now Bravo has a new idea - the GAY housewives of Atlanta. That’s right, We just learned that Bravo is casting for a new show - tentatively titled ‘Boys Club: ATL’ The premise of the show - to follow a group of openly gay male Atlanta socialites. Sounds like an interesting concept. We just hope that they add Atlanta housewife Sheree to the cast, she should fit right in.

Conservatives Target Openly Gay Houston Mayoral Candidate

A group of conservative ministers in Houston, Texas say they’ll lead a campaign against Annise Parkers’ mayoral runoff because she is a lesbian, the Houston Chronicle reported.

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The pair wrangled about a lawsuit settlement before King put the caller on the line. King asked Prejean, who was only interested in peddling her just released book Still Standing, why she settled a lawsuit against the Miss California USA Pageant. “Why settle since you had a fight to carry on?” King asked about the million-dollar lawsuit. Prejean objected to the question, calling it and King “inappropriate.” King moved on to taking a caller’s question: “Hi, I’m calling from Detroit. I’m a gay man and I love pageants. I’m sure that you, Carrie, have got, you know, great gay friends that helped you possibly win. What would you give them as advice if they wanted to get married?” An awkward silence followed as Prejean began speaking to someone off camera and removed her microphone. “Did you hear the question, Carrie?” King asked, followed by, “Who are you talking to?” Finally, she answered: “Yeah, I think you that you are being extremely inappropriate right now. And I’m about to leave your show.” Prejean’s lawsuit against pageant officials claimed religious discrimination and libel. It has been widely speculated that she settled the suit after it emerged that she had filmed a secret sex tape when she was a minor. The 22-year-old has admitted to filming herself, telling Fox News: “It was me by myself. There was no one else with me. I was not having sex.”

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Paris Hilton Billboards Controversial, Not 'Hot'

People in New Zealand have made a powerful enemy today: Paris Hilton. The socialite is less than amused by one company's decision to stamp unused billboard space with a picture of the hotel heiress with the word "vacant" stamped over her. While this is keeping New Zealanders in stitches, Hilton didn't find it so humorous, and the company responsible, Media5, may be getting a phone call from a lawyer about using her image without permission. Media5 noted they weren't using her image to make money. (Well, technically in order to make money they have to remove the picture of Paris and put up someone else's advertisement.) They also say they thought the design concept came with all legal requirements attached -- namely that someone actually had gotten permission to use the image. A spokesperson said that if lawyers did get in touch with them, they'd probably remove the ads as they're "not trying to offend anyone." With the exception of Hilton, anyway.

Men Are Quicker to Say ‘I Love You’

Contradicting the stereotype that guys keep their feelings close to the vest, a survey of 2,000 men and women found that it takes the average man seven months before he tells a new partner that he loves her, whereas woman take almost eight months to make the proclamation. These results don’t surprise clinical psychologist Oliver Jones, who believes that fellas are more likely to be “swept away” by a budding relationship. He says this is “because women mature sooner than men and develop to be more hard-nosed, realistic and in touch with their emotions.” Another theory would be that these numbers are skewed by men who insincerely use the L-word early in relationships that haven’t progressed as much sexually as they would like. (Not that we would ever condone such a thing.)

7 Ways To Tell If Your Lady Is Absolutely Crazy

Sometimes you think you meet the greatest girl in the whole entire world — smart, pretty, funny, willing to go down on you whenever you ask. But then out of nowhere she flips out and turns into a psychomaniac. So you call the cops, change all the locks, and try to figure out how she went from being the sweetest girl ever to the girl resisting arrest on your front lawn. Well it didn’t happen overnight. There are always signs along the way that you’re dating a complete nut job. 1. She moves fast She insists that you meet her friends after your first date because they’re just dying to meet the new man in her life. By the third date she’s introducing you as her kinda-boyfriend, and by the time the fifth date rolls around she’s referring to your parents as her in-laws. She’ll deny it if you ask, but she’s on the hunt for a husband. Lose her now before she pulls the classic “I accidentally got pregnant because I accidentally poked holes in your condom and accidentally threw out my pill. LOL.” 2. She loves protests It doesn’t matter what people are protesting against or how much blood they make her throw on people wearing fur – she’s just happy to be part of a crowd. That’s because crazy people like being around other crazy people, it’s simple science. Dump her now or risk spending every weekend marching in a save the ticks rally and every night having fights through a bullhorn. 3. She won’t invite you over She refuses to take you to her home no matter how hard you hint that you want to see it. In fact, she won’t even tell you her address or the general direction of her house. Leave her ASAP or you’re asking to be questioned by police one day if you have any idea whose body parts are being stored in her fridge. 4. She owns weapons You sneak up on her one day ready to surprise her with flowers and chocolate, but she freaks out, and before you can say “it’s just me,” she has a gun to your temple and a knife to your balls. She claims her weapon arsenal is purely for self-defense but you’re skeptical once she shows you her nunchucks. Ditch her before she ends the relationship by ditching your body in a lake – all because you forgot to ask her how her day went.

A drug that failed the test as an anti-depressant could find a new use as the female “Viagra”, say scientists.

5. She has a short temper A car cuts you off on the highway. You honk your horn and keep driving, but she rolls down the window, sticks her entire body out of the car and yells a string of profanities you’ve never even heard combined before. She sits back down and goes right back into normal conversation. Lose her before you cut her off in conversation one day and cause her to kick in your TV, set your house on fire, and then politely ask where you would like to go to dinner that night.

The drug, flibanserin, had a disappointing effect on mood but did wonders for women’s flagging sex drive, researchers found. Results from a series of clinical trials showed “significant improvements” in a number of measures of libido among women who had lost interest in sex.

6. She makes offensive comments You’re talking with her one day about your best friend from high school who just came out of the closet. She responds with a slur that you’ve never actually heard used outside of Fox News. Suddenly you start noticing that she uses a lot of these little rare slurs and before long you realize there’s no human being for which she does not have an insult. Dump her before you have to start translating her conversations for your friends who want to know why she refers to them all as fat-tards.

Failed Anti-Depressant Tipped As ‘Female Viagra’

Women taking 100 milligrams of flibanserin once a day reported greater numbers of “satisfactory sexual encounters”, higher levels of sexual desire, and reduced stress associated with sexual problems. Professor John Thorp, from the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, US, who led the research, said: “Flibanserin was a poor anti-depressant. However, astute observers noted that it increased libido in laboratory animals and human subjects. So, we conducted multiple clinical trials and the women in our studies who took it for hypoactive sexual desire disorder reported significant improvements in sexual desire and satisfactory sexual experiences. “It’s essentially a Viagra-like drug for women in that diminished desire or libido is the most common feminine sexual problem, like erectile dysfunction is in men.” Viagra, which helps men overcome impotency, also began life with another purpose in mind. It was originally designed to treat angina, the chest pain associated with heart disease. Scientists discovered that Viagra had the welcome side-effect of helping the penis to fill with blood, thereby producing an erection. “These results point to a novel approach to treatment of the sexual problem that plagues reproductive-age women the most, without the side-effects of androgen replacement therapy, which is the only treatment currently available,” said Prof Thorp.

7. Stalks her ex Every time she has a spare moment she’s Facebooking her ex and demanding that you tell her how gross he looks now. Despite how disgusting she thinks he looks now, she’s absolutely obsessed with knowing about every detail about his life. When you remind her that they broke-up in high school and it doesn’t matter anymore, she starts crying and asking why you don’t care about her feelings. Enter the witness protection program now or expect to wake up ten years from now with her standing over your bed asking what you meant by adding “sneakers” to your Facebook interests.

A Woman’s Revenge .. The Drink ..

A girl and her boyfriend go to the pub. When it’s the girl’s turn to buy around, she tells him that she’s heard of a wonderful new drink he simply must try. She returns with the usual half of lager for herself. For him, she has two glasses. One contains a measure of Bailey’s, the other lime juice. Instructions: “OK, what you gotta do is, you gotta swig the Bailey’s, hold it in your mouth, and then drink the lime juice.” He looks a bit dubious, but she’s very enthusiastic so he decides to give it a go. First the Bailey’s; lovely smooth, creamy, warm feeling in the mouth. Then he takes the lime juice. T + 0.1 secs: The cream in the Bailey’s curdles. T + 0.3 secs: Boyfriend’s face turns the color of fresh lime juice. T + 0.6 secs: Boyfriend calms his stomach and swallows the gunge. T + 1.5 secs: She whispers in his ear.... “It’s called Blowjob revenge”

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