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METRO ANE

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Voted America’s #1 Adult Weekly

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The Lodge - The Lodge is now on Twitter at Twitter.com/The LodgeDallas.

Follow The Lodge and get some special Tweets like free cover, etc. The Lodge is now open at noon on Sundays for NFL Football. Great lunch specials go on till 4 p.m., and it’s Happy Hour all day and night. New, improved, fabulous and free PRIMO POKER hosted on Sunday at 4 p.m. Poker Princess, Sharron Nix, will offer free Texas Hold’em lessons at 3 before the cards drop at 4. Highlights include great weekly prizes, season prizes of buy-ins at big-time tournaments, terrific food and drink specials, and beautiful dealers at every table. Plus, you’re at The Lodge. 10530 Sprangler Rd. @ Northwest Hwy, Dallas. Spearmint Rhino - XXX Film Star Ashley Brook featuring November 1921. 10965 Composite Drive, Dallas. Silver City - Love Potion No 9 Nine Year Anniversary Party Thursday, Nov. 19. There will be dollar drinks, free buffet, palm readings, stage performances and give aways.6-9pm. Free Vegas style buffet on Tuesdays and Thursdays 11am-2pm. 7501 Stemmons, Dallas. King’s Cabaret - $10 table dances and $3.50 wells and domestic beers from 11am-4pm. 1602 Market Center Blvd, Dallas. Bombshells Cabaret - $7 cover from 4-7PM. $10 cover and dances on Sunday and Monday. $2 dances from 9-11pm everyday. 2444 Walnut Ridge, Dallas. Cabaret Caliente - Fort Worth’s only Latin Strip Club. $2 drinks during all football and soccer games. $2.75 wells and domestics and $5 you call its everyday from 11am-10pm. 719 Main st., Ft. Worth. Elegance Cabaret - Hippest little strip club in the country. $2 drinks during all NFl and college televised football games. $2.75 wells and domestics and $5 you call its everyday from 11am-10pm. Azukita Cabaret - Azukita Cabaret (which means “little sugar”), Dallas’ largest and newest Latin/International topless club. Located in Dallas off of Regal Row and 183 at 9009 Sovereign Row, the nearly 8,000 sq. foot topless club boasts six stages, three fully stocked bars, big screens for all sporting events viewing (including UFC fights and soccer/World Cup when the time comes), a buffet, and lots of beautiful women of all nationalities for your eyes to behold! The black and red interior sets the mood. The front room is huge, and there is a bi-level VIP area in the back portion of the club. Open Thursday through Sundays from 4 pm until 2 am. For more information, check out www.azukitacabaret.com , call 214 819-9424 or come out for the Grand Opening!. Azukita Cabaret, 9009 Sovereign Row, Dallas, TX 75247.

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Editor In Distress Last Friday I went to the grand opening of the Azukita Cabaret in Dallas. It was way bigger than I expected. Not sure why I expected a small club. Probably cause there is quite a few topless clubs in Dallas.The main room had the main stage and four smaller stages. Then there is a VIP section with a downstairs stage and a bar upstairs. The club is definitely geared to the Latino market, but even though I’m more of a rock fan I couldn’t help but bob my head to the catchy beats as I tipped the lovely ladies. I forgot my notebook, so I’m having trouble remembering names. The owners, father and son, Amando and Armando Jr. were really nice and helpful. My friend Tony and I got crushes on a few of the waitresses there, Alex and Kat. If I hadn’t made later plans, I’m sure we would have stayed longer than hour. Be sure to check out Azukita Cabaret and tell them you read about them in Metro ANE. Azulkita, 9009 Sovereign Row, Dallas, TX 75247 214-755-5315. This month seems to be all about anniversaries. Next Thursday, Nov. 19 be sure to head out to Silver City Cabaret for their nine year anniversary party titled “Love Portion Number 9.” The party will be held from 6-9 PM. You’ll get to enjoy dollar drinks, free dinner buffet, palm readings, stage performances and a chance to win some prizes. I usually just stop by to see the many hot ladies, but dollar drinks and free food is hard to say no to. Silver City Cabaret, 7501 N. Stemmons Frwy, Dallas. In other anniversary news, this Friday, Nov. 13 Metro ANE contributor Zamra will be performing with her burlesque group, Deviant Dolls, to support their one year anniversary. The show will be hosted at The Boiler Room located at 101 W. Walnut in Denton. Circus Della Morte is also performing. The show starts at 10 PM and the cost is $10 for those 18-20 and $7 for 21 and up. Those of you looking for something more kinky to do should head out to The Church for their tenth edition of the Dallas Fetish Ball. Special guests this year are Rubberdoll VS FAQ, Roxy Velvet, Viktoria Modesta, David G plus local models Athena Fatale, Angela Ryan, Victoria Sinister, Roxanne Dale, Jill Rasco, Melissa Meow and more. See the article and ad on page 14 for more info. This Sunday, Nov. 15 my good friend Justin Powers is having a fund raiser at Muddy Water for his newest movie ‘It Came From The Toilet’. He’ll be showing some of his other features and also be looking for people to act in the movie, so bring your headshots. At 10 PM Rolling Bones magazine zombie hero’s Mandibles Of Death will be playing an undead set. Don’t get to close or you may get eaten. Muddy Waters is located at 4314 Live Oak Street, Dallas, 75204. -Gil gil@anemagazine.com (Picture by Scotty Mankoff)

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Did David Letterman Commit A Crime Here? Richard Hunter wasn’t feeling well, so I’m running one of his website blogs from last month that you didn’t get to read here in Metro ANE. -Editor. Having never really meant to get into the business that I’m in, talk show hosts have rarely influenced me. There are a few, however, and David Letterman is one of them. I am too young to have appreciated Johnny Carson, but the way that some attribute him or Steve Allen with being a trailblazer is exactly the way that I have always viewed Dave. He was the first thing that I taped with regularity on a VCR, preserving boxes of VHS tapes for posterity. My viewing of his show had decreased over the years, but that was probably more due to my schedule that Letterman’s content. It has been my observation that the earlier a talk show airs, the less their hosts strike me as humorous, but I always thought that Dave was an exception to that rule. He also fascinated me with his eccentricity. By the time he came to public prominence he was already divorced, so I knew him as a virtual life long bachelor with a few long term relationships, waiting until his mid fifties to become a first time father. He didn’t conform to society’s expectations. It really was surprising when the details of his sexual exploits with female staffers broke this past week, due to a failed extortion attempt by a guy who was desperate enough to take a check. Surprising because I always assumed that David Letterman was too weird to have sex with all but a very few women. I certainly didn’t envision him to be the life of the party. All of this was curious, but I didn’t, and I still don’t, see how any of this adds up to an actionable claim, much less a crime. Right wing talkers who are still hot at Letterman over his Sarah Palin bit were quick to pounce. When the Letterman/Palin feud was at its’ peak, conservatives were critical of The National Organization for

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Women for not speaking out against him. Now they have, and it appears to me that they have jumped the gun. “The latest Letterman controversy sheds new light on the widespread objectification of women in the workplace,” NOW said in a statement Tuesday. “Most women can attest to the fact that many workplaces are plagued with inappropriate behavior by men in power. Recent developments in the David Letterman extortion controversy have raised serious issues about the abuse of power leading to an inappropriate, if not hostile, workplace environment for women and employees, As ‘the boss,’ he is responsible for setting the tone for his entire workplace -- and he did that with sex. In any work environment, this places all employees -- including employees who happen to be women -- in an awkward, confusing and demoralizing situation. The National Organization for Women calls on CBS to recognize that Letterman’s behavior creates a toxic environment and to take action immediately to rectify this situation. With just two women on CBS’ board of directors, we’re not holding our breath.” Take action? What kind of action? No one has come forward to claim sexual harassment, nor has anyone charged favoritism for those who were intimately involved with him. Letterman is not an employee of CBS, so he is not subject to their workplace dating policy. What David Letterman did do is create a potentially precarious work environment on several levels, and if he escaped without so much as one cash settlement along the way, he was lucky. However, until someone comes forward with a charge or a claim, and then proves it in a court of law, David Letterman is only guilty of dating his own interns rather than someone elses. Richard Hunter hosts The Richard Hunter Show weekday afternoons 4-6 on AM 1360 Dallas. Log on to richardhuntershow.com. Voted America’s #1 Adult Weekly

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Live Shows and Events Double-Wide ( w w w. m y s p a c e . c o m / thedoublewidebar) Thu. 11/12: CINCO de CHA CHA Cha Cha’s 6th Annual Rock and Roll For Charity Gala Fri. 11/13: The Backsliders, Spector 45, and Romantic Disaster (OKC)

The Curtain Club (www.curtainclub.com) Fri. 11/13: Pimpadelic, Born & Raised, From The Ashes, Clone Mike Sat. 11/14: Hell Goat, Mad Mexicans, 3, Granny Gear

The Liquid Lounge Sat. 11/14: Lions (Austin), Hello (In The Curtain Club) Lover Fri. 11/13: Residue, Resonant Sun. 11/15: Soulful Sunday with DJ Chamber Slim Sat. 11/14: Cassandra’s Curse, The Wild Bills, Distant Lights, Hey O’RILEY’S Ungraceful (www.myspace.com/orileys2003) Fri. 11/13: The Witty Bastards, LAKEWOOD BAR AND GRILL Another Year Colder, 8 Gauge, (www.lbgdallas.com) Quiver, Felix Jones Wed. 11/11: Jokersdeck Sat. 11/14: Sanateria, Phalangie, Thur. 11/12: Murmer (REM trib) and Killing Words (Queensryche Tribute Le Cure (Cure trib) Band), Revengence, Sweet Texas Fri. 11/13: Revolution Garden Party Crude and Dark Wave Sat. 11/14: TJ Broscoff, Macon Reno’s Chop Shop Greyson ( w w w . m y s p a c e . c o m / Tue. 11/10: renoschopshop) Every Wednesday: DJ Virus spins SONS OF HERMANN HALL 80’s (www.sonsofhermann.com) Every Thursday: Jerry Rutherford Tue. : Blues ‘n’ the Night Spins Rock Wed.: Swing Dance Fri. 11/13: My Son My Executioner, Thu.: Electric Campfire Acoustic Dead Rising, Cunthammer, Melora Jam Sat. 11/14: Three Bad Jacks, Rodeo Fri. 11/13: Look Deeper Concert - a Clown Dropouts, Charlie Mancini night of music and festivities in the name of looking deeper to fight lung Lola’s Saloon cancer featuring Shoot Low Sheriff (www.myspace.com/lolasfortworth) (8:00) Dertybird (9:30) and Salim Wed. 11/11: Ian Moore, Chatterton Nourallah (10:30). Thu. 11/12: Stefan Prigmore, Trailor Park Princess, Blow Up the Moon THE PEARL Fri. 11/13: Thao and the Get Down (www.pearlatcommerce.com) Stay Down Wed. 11/11: Rick Yost and The Sat. 11/14: Bishop Allen, Darwin Sofakings Deez Fri. 11/13: Baker Hotel Sat. 11/14: Tinsley Ellis SKILLMAN STREET BAR Mon. 11/16: Miss Marcy and Her ( w w w . m y s p a c e . c o m / Texas Sugar Daddies skillmanstreetbar) Tue. 11/17: The Rebel Alliance Jazz Fri. 11/13: The Famine, Jacknife, Ensemble Kaliya, Hope Has Failed Us, Silene, Ressurect MUDDY WATERS Sat. 11/14: The Art of Escape, ( w w w . m y s p a c e . c o m / Bronze Whaler, Katsuk, Klopek, muddywatersonliveoak) Galea, DeadBeat Poetry Fri. 11/13: Texas Red Legs Sun. 11/15: Alexa Machine & High Sat. 11/14: Blue Tortillas Speed Dubbing Recording Studio presents: BATTLE OF THE BANDS THE GOAT (www.myspace.com/goatsblues) Poor David’s Pub Wed. 11/11: Karaoke with Snake (www.poordavidspub.com) Thu. 11/12: Pete Barbeck Jam Wed. 11/11: The Subdudes, Shelley Fri. 11/13: Luau Larry & The Sand King Crabs Fri. 11/13: D. Anson Brody, Acoustic Sat. 11/14: Kenny Barker Band Distortion, David Crandall, Stephanie Sun. 11/15: Karaoke w/ Carmen Walker Mon. 11/16: Tony DeCicco, Perry Sat. 11/14: Brave Combo Jones Jam Tue. 11/17: Kenny Barker Band

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Friday the 13th is your opportunity to become a part of history as Oliver Peck and Elm Street Tattoos once again go for not only breaking Peck’s Guiness Book of World Records for “Most Tattoos in 24 Hours” -- a whopping 415 that he set last year -- but also to azttempt to set a record for the shop itself. This time around, I understand that this year, you can make an appointment. 2811 Elm St. in Dallas. Call (214) 6531392 for more details. The event begins at midnight on Friday. While you are waiting on Friday night, you can go next door to July Alley, throw back a few and get hyped up by the Texas vatobilly of The Flamin’ Hellcats. July Alley never has a cover, and the bartenders there know how to make a drink!!! You might be sore and hung over after Friday, so if you take Saturday off of your party calendar, you will be more than ready for the “It Came from the Toilet” casting party/fundraiser for Fringe Media’s next film effort on Sunday, November 15th. The party will be at Muddy Waters, 4314 Live Oak St. in Dallas begining at 7 pm, and if you hang out until 10 pm, you will be witness to the first “undead” performance by thrash

zombie band Mandibles of Death since their appearance at the Bar of Soap several years ago. (You may recall that a couple of their dancers ended up missing, and the band went into hiding.) www.myspace.com/mandiblesofdeath

The fine folks at Saustex Media releasing a new CD by San Antonio’s Sons of Hercules, entitled A Different Kind of Ugly next Tuesday. If you dig The Stooges, MC5 and other bands of the garage/punk ilk, you are gonna definitely dig this! Not only does this CD unrelentlessly and unapologetically rock from first note to last, but it proves that you don’t have to be young to play fast and hard. The Sons of Hercules have been around a very long time (I believe the first time I saw them was in 1990), and I was surprised to learn this is only their fifth full-length release... Frank Pugliese on vocals and harmonica, Dale Hollon on guitar, Dave Bone Pederson on guitar and backing vocals, Kory Cook on drums and backing vocals and Jeff Linton on bass throw down a heapin’ helpin’ of eleven originals -- my faves are the title track, “Startin’ to Slip” and Too Much Fun” -- and throw in a cover of The Saints’ “Misunderstood” ‘cause they can. Like the cover reads: “To be played at maximum volume...” preferably while driving fast. www.myspace.com/ sonsofhercules -YRS4

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Aggronautix To Release Limited Edition Figures of Milo of the Decendents and GG Allin 1991 "Extra Filthy Bloody" Edition Aggronautix is releasing a limited-edition figure of everyone's favorite pop punker, Milo of the Decendents (1000 numbered). This replica of the charismatic frontman stands at 7 inches tall, and is made of a lightweight polyresin. Displayed in a a black and blue tri-windowed box, Milo is portrayed in action and comes complete with his trademark nerd glasses and bitchin' stage stance. "Wow, I can't believe it's happening," said Milo. "This is like the pinnacle of success for me; it's up there with the Playboy interview and Vans shoe!" The figure will be distributed by MVD Entertainment Group - a company specializing in music-related distribution since 1986 - and DKE Toys - a wholesale distributor of urban / vinyl / designer art / objects / toys / figurines. Milo is the fourth punk personality to be polyresinated by Aggronautix. In May of 2009, the company launched with a highly popular GG Allin "1991" figure, which was limited to 2000 numbered units. That figure has since sold out, making way for the ultra-limited "Extra Filthy Bloody" Edition. The "Extra Filthy Bloody" Edition is a striking representation of GG Allin circa 1991 with added crud, blood, and cuts. The figure, limited to 500 numbered units, stands at 7 inches tall and is made of a lightweight polyresin. Loaded into a full color "splatter" box, here GG is accurately sculpted right down to the tattoos, and copious amounts of blood and filth. Both figures will sell for $16.95 and are currently available for pre-order on the Aggronautix website http://www.aggronautix.com. They will also be available at many independent retailers, comic shops, tattoo parlors, and Walmart (just kidding).

MCCARREN PUBLISHING ANNOUNCES THE BOOK RELEASE OF ‘DO THE DEVIL’S WORK FOR HIM: HOW TO MAKE IT IN THE MUSIC INDUSTRY (AND STAY IN IT)’ The Debut Book From Writers, Amy Sciarretto & Rick Florino McCarren Publishing is pleased to announce the release date for Do the Devil’s Work for Him: How to Make it in the Music Industry (and Stay in it)--- http://www.mccarrenpublishing.com/devilswork.htm --- the debut book from noted music and entertainment writers, Amy Sciarretto and Rick Florino. The book is scheduled to hit retail shelves and online bookseller outlets on June 26, 2009. It has received critical praise from AOL.com/Noisecreep, LAX Magazine, Outburn Magazine, Music Connection Magazine, Metal Insider, SilverTongue Online, DefHog.com. Devil… was also featured in segments on FOX NEWS and No Good TV, as well, among other outlets, publications and radio stations.

Do the Devil’s Work for Him is a “she-said, he-said” pocket guide on how to get your foot in the door of the cutthroat entertainment business, offering tips on how to intern, how to network and how to adjust to the ever-changing climate of this “eats its young” industry. Amy Sciarretto is a 15-year veteran of the music business, having written extensively for Kerrang!, Revolver, TeenPeople.com, Spin.com, AOL Noisecreep and Spinner, Urban Ink, Rebel Ink, Guitar World, VH1.com and ARTISTdirect.com, to name a few, and having served as Loud Rock Editor for CMJ New Music Report and Hit Parader. She worked as a DJ on Sirius/XM for two years and has also worked in the promotion and publicity departments of top independent label Roadrunner Records for 8 years. Rick Florino founded Ruin Magazine in 2006, and he's currently entertainment editor for LAX Magazine and an editor for ARTISTdirect.com. His writing has appeared in publications and web sites such as Inked, Revolver, BPM, Hit Parader, Shockhound.com, Citysearch.com and other outlets. This year, Florino also released his first novel--DOLOR: Lila. It's the first in a series of ten illustrated horror novels, and it's available as a free download at http://www.bookofdolor.com/signup.html and signed hard copies are also available. In addition to two humorous, clever and insightful author perspectives, as well as advice, anecdotes and analysis, the book also features a complete extra chapter of advice from top-tier music and entertainment business personnel and rock stars, including members of multi-platinum acts like System of A Down, Guns N’ Roses and Korn. It’s a necessary and crucial time for those looking to break into this exciting lifestyle and career field, namely college students, high schoolers and those who dream of working with and among the stars. http://www.mccarrenpublishing.com/devilswork.htm

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Muddy Waters. 4314 Live Oak St. Dallas, TX 75204. 214-823-1518.

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METRO ANE SPORTS Farming, ranching, education, legal, government, military, any computer support, accounting, law enforcement, fire department, what do these and all forms of jobs have in common? If you make sense out of the work you can enjoy long periods of sustained success, if you don’t make sense out of it you will always and absolutely fail. What is one of the key attributes that is always involved with a group of people that most managers are never taught and fail to grasp? You have to have an understanding that a complex system can foster both turbulence and coherence at the same time. Friction and unity. Improperly dealt with the consequences can be destructive, but, when recognized and managed, they can co-exist with success. Sports is no different, be it coaching, organizational, player, or writer. Yes, coaches need to know the system, the talent and skill level of the players and where they are in their development, also the training, and how to conduct a game. But, for me anyway, understanding the human dynamics of a team and balancing the turbulence and coherence is a crucial component of their job. Any time you have a line of people working they’ll get together but also have some friction. Any good army sergeant recognizes this in his squad and also knows what’s normal and

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leaves alone, and what he must step in on. Coaching is the same.

Go find something stupid like building a cardboard boat and attack.

Whether it’s by the draft, trades, or free agency you will always add to this given situation. You want to introduce talent that blends in with the normal setting, but obviously that’s not always the case. The extreme example is personalities like Terrell Owens, Sean Avery, Dennis Rodman, or Milton Bradley, all top talents in their respective sports but all flawed and disruptive in their own manner.

How many of you remember the flick From Dusk to Dawn? Like, probably the funnest vampire, robber, hostage, stab’em, shoot’em, kick’em, bite’m, and poke a stake in the heart blood sucker movie of all time. What’s that got to do with sports? Well, do you remember the sound track? I mean that stuff was mean. Back room, deep gutted, southern rock mean blues. So what?

You recognize some of the top coaches who’ve been successful with this, coaches like Phil Jackson, Tony Dungy, and Jimmy Johnson. You’ve also seen those who’ve crashed and burned from the failure, like the Mav’s ex Avery Johnson.

Well here you are watching a gangster vampire flick and you’re getting off to the music. That’s what today we’re gonna call juxtaposition of feelings. You didn’t know Ol’ Two Dogs could say stuff like that, now did ya? Hey, I don’t know if I’m right, I’m just saying what I think. That music would grab you and pull you in and it didn’t matter what else was goin’ on.

This is what Cowboy’s coach Wade Phillips has in front of him, and new Stars coach Marc Crawford, and Mav’s Carlisle and the Rangers Washington. You can sit back and love ‘em or hate ‘em all day long, but when it comes down to it, for each of these teams to have success, this is what those coaches HAVE to understand and balance. So I can see how this week’s turning out already, its question week and here’s the next one: what’s the dif between guerrilla art and guerrilla sports? Well, guerrilla art is where your community wakes up one fine morning and somebody’s installed a sculpture of a six foot fork stuck in the ground, or something else odd like that. It wasn’t commissioned and it wasn’t asked for, it was a guerrilla raid. How ‘bout guerrilla sports? Yeah, well, bouncing off the city landscape, the original snowboarding, rolling big balloons across water, that sort of thing. Is it different or the same as guerrilla art? Who cares, they’re weird, fun, and harmless. Much like tailgating.

More than any other team from any league out there, that’s what the Cowboys do to us fans. It don’t really matter what else is goin’ on, we just know they’re gonna do something exciting and we wanna be glomed onto it for the action. For the past decade their attempts at the playoffs have been like vampires sucking all the excitement out of us, but that lure of “possibly” coming back and winning, that’s like sweet music to our hearts. And now you wanna know if Wade Phillips is Van Helsing? Is he really gonna shove that stake into the heart of the loss column and steer us into the playoffs and win? Or is he really Count Alucard in disguise? I could give you an easier answer if we were dealing with werewolves because the Cowboy’s colors are blue and silver and that’d be deadly, but vampires? Hey, I know WP and JJ have lots of garlic, and they’ve been stirring up quite a stew down there, so that limb ain’t too far to go out on now: YES, Phillips is gonna get

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us into the playoffs and WIN….. That felt good, didn’t it. Don’t be thinkin’ I’m ignoring the Dallas Stars, I’m not. I sure hope ya’ll aren’t. And the Stars have goin’ on exactly what we’ve been talkin’ about today, turbulence and coherence. Young guys comin’ up from the minors mixed with the core veterans with a new coaching staff and new GM. With most teams this early growing stage is almost always a recipe for a losing season because of constant struggles with learning all things new, but the surprising news is just how well this has been coming along. Rookie Benn and second year Neal have been the surprise sparkplugs, I mean, these guys are firing on whatever cylinders they’re told to hit. Eriksson is in his third year and if he keeps going on the same path we’re looking at a new version of Lehtinin. Of the core, if Richards and Ribeiro stay healthy along with their ability to both drive the offense while simultaneously guiding the younger players, this could be one of the most exciting hockey season’s we’ve had here in several years. I like what Crawford’s doing as Coach. I have to admit that after years of being a formidable defensive club this high octane offense is taking a wee tad to get used to, but brother, I’m all for it. At first I thought it was going to be too weak on defense, but the players are showing that when they get their responses right, their work at both nets can be highly effective. For having all these new issues to absorb, I say the Stars are playing as well as teams that have more wins but that haven’t had this to deal with. From the chair I’m sittin’ in, it also looks like this team is gonna compete hard and

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METRO ANE SPORTS

drive the standings.

The Mav’s and the NBA. Man, its just waaay too early to tell how they’re really gonna do. Dallas’s concept is game flow, 3 pointers, and defense. I’m just not ever gonna be convinced this is a winning trifecta. Of course, when you live and die with a three point emphasis, then you better have the best defense in the NBA. What happens if you don’t? The burn will leave scars all over your hind parts. Sear-ious burn scars. Why? Because the percentage of buckets from inside the paint is FAR greater than the number of three’s ever made in a game. I understand what the three can do for a team, it’s like in football: keep passing until they have to pull back from run support. If you can be successful with three’s, that should get the defense’s to come out thereby opening up the inside game. Sounds good, but if the three’s aren’t dropping at a high enough percentage rate, defenses don’t come out, you miss the bucket, they get the rebound, and your back on your heels. Cuban is just not going to admit that the trade for Kidd was a mistake, so this offense is gonna have to stay, and it will enjoy some success, but it’s not Title success, not by a long shot. Excuse the pun. NFL week 9 in review. What was THE funniest story to come out of the NFL this past weekend? The kind that gets you laughing so hard you have to punch yourself in the guts to stop. The kind of nonstop laughing that your Momma would have to smack you with a big spoon hard on the head to get you to quit. Give up? Packers got whupped up on by the Buc’s. Not just by the Buc’s, but by a brand new rookie QB that still has a runny nose with ZERO NFL game experience. And a first year head coach. And a patchwork quilt of, well, basically the whole team. Packers fall to 4-4 and the Buc’s get their first

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win of the season. Tampa was in serious consideration to be another team to go 0-16, which would be two years in a row, following Detroit of last year. Hysterical. What’s funnier? Dallas goes there next week. What was the thrillingest edge of the seat gut wrencher? Some would say the Chargers 21 to 20 victory over the Giants but that’s just ballyhoo. THE tightest game was Dallas’s 20 to 16 defensive battle over the Eagles. The ref’s played a highly visible part with blown calls, non calls, and just plain calls all over the place. It basically balanced out so’s the little Eaglets can stop crying for their mamma’s, but still, that was too many flags. Cowboys played smart and strong in a tough game, and the Eagles didn’t play poorly, they just didn’t play as well.

So the Titans win their second game of the season hosting the Niners, and now their idiot fans are saying Vince Young shudda been starting all along. Don’t get on that train yet. The Titans are spoon feeding VY baby food plays and that offense is plain vanilla with a majority of snaps running. Tennessee is NOT gonna win out and finish 10-6 and make the playoffs, which is what some fans out there are predicting. I predict when those particular fans get older they’ll be institutionalized. NFL Week 10. Bye week: Giants and Texans. Thursday Nov 12, 7:30 CST TV: NFL channel Bears (4-4, road 1-3) at Niners (3-5, home 2-2). Both these teams have growing pains, and both are dealing with some major player losses from injury, but if you look strictly at their win-loss record you’ll be missing the strong points here. Good game. Sunday noon games Whadda ya have with one win teams playing? Games that give dogs a bad name. Saints (80, road 3-0) at Rams (1-7, home 0-3), Buc’s (1-7, road 0-3) at Dolphins (3-5, home 2-2), and Lions (1-7, road 0-4) at Vikings (7-1, home 3-0).

Are two wins really a step up from despair? Broncos (6-1, road 3-1) at Redskins (2-6, home 2-2), and Bills (3-5, road 2-2) at Titans (2-6, home 1-2).

Good middle of the road games that’ll at least warm up the pixels in the flat screen: Jag’s (4-4, road 1-3) at Jet’s (4-4, home 2-2), and Falcons (5-3, road 1-3) at Panthers (3-5, home 1-2). It’s time to crank it up for THE game of the day: Bengals (6-2, road 3-0) at Steelers (5-2, home 4-0). It’s a division game. Its two top defenses and two top offenses playing at a very high level. Its two teams that know each other well and don’t like to invite each other over for family day. If the networks and NFL have any brains at all they’ll give it a national audience or move them to the later time and go nationwide. It’s why you’re a fan, it’s why you’re alive, and it’s why you’re a guy: football games like this. 3:15 games One that needs to end up in a barf bag, one quietly set aside, one to get the blood pumpin’, and one to have some fun with. Barf-o-rama: Chiefs (1-7, road 1-3) at Raiders (2-6, home 1-3). Set aside: Seahawks (3-5, road 0-3) at Cardinals (5-3, home 1-3). Start getting’ your blood goin’: Eagles (5-3, road 2-1) at Chargers (5-3, home 2-2). Get a fun afternoon in: Cowboys (6-2, road 3-1) at Packers (4-4, home 2-2). 7:30 game Maybe not the game of the day, but it’ll be exciting and an offensive tour de force. Unfortunately for the Colts their defense is hurting: Patriots (6-2, road 1-2) at Colts (8-0, home 4-0). Have dinner delivered, you don’t wanna be late sittin’ down for this. Monday Night Football Ravens (4-4, road 1-3) at Browns (1-7, home 0-3). Go for Dancing with the Stars.

Readers Response: Two Dogs: Do you think this LeBron and Shaq combo will wolrk, and will be LeBroln be with Lakers next

Voted America’s #1 Adult Weekly

yare? Koray Dallas

Koray: Much like you don’t know how to use spell check, Cleveland doesn’t know how to use Shaq and LeBron. LeBron may be King James in Cleveland but by no means is Kobe ready for any possible heir to HIS throne to be anointed in LA yet. TD Two Dogs: Who do you think was worth more, or less, for a first round pick, Cowboy’s Bobby Carpenter or Roy Williams? Jokko Dallas Jokko: It depends if you go on expectations or results. Neither has shown the results of being a first rounder. Carpenters a solid support player, maybe round three, and Williams maybe high 3 or low 2. If you went off expectations, so far Roy’s not got it done. TD Two Dogs: How do the Cowboy’s stack up against the Saints? Can we even stay in the game? Charlie Duncanville Charlie: Stay in the game? Are you kidding me? This will be a tightly played game, and in ANY close game, time of possession is a major factor. Opponents for now are still stacking against the run, but Romo’s proving that’s gonna cost ‘em. Keep Brees of the field and wear down their defensive line to control the game in the second half which is where the Saints have been flourishing. TD

Pat “Two Dogs” Snow twodogs@anemagazine.com

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gorilla gadgets

Victory Motorcycles Offers Military Personnel a ‘Full Throttle Salute’ With $1,000 Cash Back

odd : cool : interesting : insane stuff! Fridge Locker Keeps Your Food Safe

Living with a roommate can be an interesting experience. Splitting the rent and having someone to hang out with all the time can be fun, but fighting over food in the fridge isn’t. Nothing is worse than going into the kitchen, only to find that they’ve taken your last slice of leftover pizza or swiped the last beer. Sure, you’ll talk to them about it, and they’ll claim not to do it again (or that they never did in the first place) but some people never learn. That’s why someone created the Fridge Locker. The Fridge Locker is a small cage that you use for storing your own private food. The metal combination lock keeps your food safe from “Refrig-A Raiders” (poor joke courtesy of the manufacturer). It measures 7.5” wide, 7.5” tall and 11” deep. At $20, it could easily pay for itself with all of the food it keeps safe. Granted, your roommate will not take kindly to seeing this. Purchase and install at your own risk. http://www.perpetualkid.com

Created a Tauntaun sleeping bag of course. This high-quality sleeping bag looks just like a Tauntaun, complete with saddle, printed internal intestines, and a plush lightsaber zipper pull. Now when your kids tell you their favorite Star Wars movie is “Attack of the Clones” you can nestle the wee-ones snug in simulated Tauntaun fur while regaling them with the amazing tale of “Empire Strikes Back”. Use the plush lightsaber zipper pull on the Tauntaun sleeping bag to illustrate how Han Solo saved Luke Skywalker from certain death in the freezing climate of Hoth by slitting open the belly of a dead Tauntaun and placing Luke inside the stinking (but warm) carcass. If your kids don’t change their tune on which Star Wars film is the greatest ever, you can do your best Jar Jar impression until they repent. http://www.thinkgeek.com

8 LED Desk Lamp Powered By A Telephone Jack

In the sub-zero wasteland of the planet Hoth, only the strong survive... and of course those lucky Jedi protected by the thick skin of a Tauntaun. Now after exhaustive movie viewing research and analysis ThinkGeek Labs has isolated the exact synthetic compounds needed to re-create Tauntaun fur. What have we done with this supreme knowledge?

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Victory Motorcycles is honoring U.S. and Canadian military personnel for their dedication and commitment by providing them with a special offer. Victory salutes the efforts of those who serve to protect the freedom we value so highly. For a limited time, U.S. and Canadian military personnel are being offered $1,000 cash back on the purchase of any new Victory model during the Victory “Full Throttle Salute.” All active, National Guard, reserve, and retired military personnel are eligible with proof of a valid military I.D. “We at Victory respect and appreciate the sacrifice and service of our armed forces” said Victory General Manager Steve Menneto. “‘The Victory Full Throttle Salute’ is an opportunity for Victory to show that appreciation, and offer these men and women the chance to get on a new Victory and enjoy the escape motorcycling provides.” Details about the Victory “Full Throttle Salute” are available from Victory dealers, and at www.​victorymotorcyc​les-​military.​com.

Tauntaun Sleeping Bag

Lexus LFA Supercar Steals Green Spotlight in Tokyo

The fact that a landline phone will continue to work even in the event of a power failure wasn’t enough to stop me from going cellphone only, but it’s nice to know those unused phone jacks dotting my walls aren’t just an eyesore now. The trickle of power they carry is apparently enough to power this 8 LED desk lamp that features an RJ11 connector at the end of the power cord, instead of a plug or USB connector. The pink color scheme is a bit on the hideous side, but for just $4.69 the lamp at least seems like a handy emergency light for your next power outage. http://www.uxsight.com

the company’s chief executive, Carlos Ghosn, drove onto the stage in a Nissan Land Glider, a concept for a new breed of slender ultra-efficient vehicles that’s a cross between a city car and a kayak. And it was pretty clear by that point that the biannual auto show was going to focus on good green fun.

The Tokyo Motor Show opened to the news media on Wednesday with Mitsubishi introducing its PXMiEV plug-in hybrid crossover. That event was followed by Nissan’s news conference, during which

But it could also very well be remembered for the introduction of the first supercar from Japan – the Lexus LFA, a sleek, powerful car with a price tag of $375,000. Toyota boasts that the LFA will be the most powerful car it has ever produced. Less flaunted is that the limited-edition supercar will also be the automaker’s most expensive. The LFA has quite a bit of science fiction to its look — it’s tremendously angular with cutaways and vents — and there’s quite a lot of race-bred engineering to its construction. Much of the chassis and body is made of lightweight carbon-fiber reinforced polymer, which Toyota developed inhouse. The suspension components are made of lightweight aluminum alloy, and the brakes are carbon-ceramic material. Weight distribution is 48:52. The LFA, shown in production form for the first time on Wednesday in Tokyo, covers all the bases. Its 4.8-liter V-10 engine revs to 9,000 r.p.m. and makes 552 horsepower and 354 lb-ft of torque. Toyota said the LFA will have a top speed of 202 miles an hour. The transmission is a 6-speed Automated Sequential Gearbox.

Upcoming 2009 Events

Nov. 15 - Garland, Texas - 8th Annual MotorCops for Kids Toy Run - Sponsored by Garland Police Dept & Dallas H.O.G. - The ride starts at Dallas Harley Davidson,1334 W. Centerville Road in Garland. Registration is from 10:00 am to 12:00 pm and the police escorted ride leaves at 1:30 pm. The ride fee is $10.00 per person. Proceeds go to Shriners Hospitals for Children. For more information call (972) 270-3962 Nov 15 - Mesquite, Texas - 15th Annual S.R.V. Ride - Sponsored by Lonestar 92.5 & Hooters - The ride starts at Hooters, 3902 Towne Crossing Boulevard in Mesquite. The ride leaves at 12:15 and will go to Terrell where there will be concert. Proceeds benefit the S.R.V. Memorial Scholarship Fund. For more information go to http://www.srvrideandconcert.org. Have a ride or other event you want posted? Send the information to: editor@anemagazine.com

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Sex Toys Arouse Outrage At Duke

Duke University researchers are looking for female students to attend a sex toy party, "engage in sexually explicit conversation" with other young ladies and, if they so desire, buy some titillating playthings at a great discount-- all in the name of science. Wait a sec, no, make that "were looking," past tense -- all of the participant spots have filled up rather quickly. Fancy that. Know who else has responded to the study just as feverishly? A religious leader on campus, whose blood pressure has risen for an entirely different reason: He's pissed. Father Joe Vetter, director of the Duke Catholic Center, said: "I think it can give the impression that the university is endorsing behavior that I don't think the university should endorse." God forbid the university allow its researchers to issue an open call for women -- that's right, adult women -- who are interested in attending a sex toy party to help further the study of sex. No one's being forced into a sex den filled with vibrating silicone and rubber. Women are volunteering to check out some naughty novelty items and, both before and after, speak openly with researchers about their attitudes toward sex. The school's vice president for public affairs, Michael Schoenfeld, bless him, has issued an utterly rational response to Vetter's public outrage: "Not all research will make people comfortable," he said. "In fact, there's a lot of things, there are a lot of questions, there are a lot of issues that are studied at a university that make people uncomfortable. That's how we get an understanding of things like ethics [and] behavior." Science -- not always politically correct! Vetter is under the impression, although he doesn't say why and researchers have remained mum on the topic, that the study is driven by a "concern about promiscuity on campus." He seems to believe that the study is looking at sex toys as an alternative to partnered sex. If you think a man like Vetter would celebrate such an goal, you're wrong. While he is "concerned about promiscuity," he's more concerned that "these students are in this developmental phase," he told The News & Observer. "I don't think it's a good developmental practice to just tell somebody to just sit around and masturbate. I don't think that promotes relationships." I'm 99.9 percent sure the researchers aren't asking young women to "just sit around and masturbate." But you gotta love the apocalyptic fear of sexuality on display here; the assumption seems to be that self-pleasuring women will lock themselves in their rooms with no more motivation to relate to the opposite sex.

Adam & Eve Sex Survey

There’s an old saying that women round their numbers down and men round them up. Well Adam & Eve, America’s most trusted name in adult entertainment, asked over 1,000 American adults to truthfully reveal how many partners they’d had. And the results may surprise you! According to Adam & Eve’s ''Great American Sex Survey,'' most respondents (23.8%) revealed they’d only slept with between two to five partners. Of these respondents, 21% were male and 28% were female. Almost the same percentage (23.1%) had six to 10 partners (22% male vs 24.9% female). And 21.2% have had 11-25 partners (20.5% male vs. 21.4% female). Most surprising, 11.8% of the respondents (11.7% male vs. 13% female) had only had one sexual partner! ''We were pleased to see that the number of partners for the average person is in line with a similar survey we created around 10 years ago,'' said Katy Zvolerin, Adam & Eve Director or Public Relations. ''It’s interesting to see that even with much more access to sexually oriented media, the average American is still holding on to traditional sexual values in many ways.'' As the number of partners rises, the percentage of respondents appears to decrease. While 11% (13% males vs. 7% females) of the respondents said they’d had between 26 and 50 partners, the smallest answer selection (8.8%) was for more than 50 partners. Of those who had more than 50 sexual partners, 10.86% are male and 5% are female. Because sexual curiosity is part of human nature, Adam & Eve, the nation’s most respected name in adult entertainment, recently commissioned Cvent, the event management and web survey software company, to launch a sex survey determining Americans’ sexual practices, and the results are surprising. The web-based survey, conducted by Cvent, of over 1,000 American adults age 18 and up, was sponsored by Adam & Eve to study sexual preferences and practices. For more information about Adam & Eve, visit their website at http://www.adamandeve.com/ news.

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Sex In the Newz Carrie Prejean Forced To Settle With duct and aggravated indecent exposure, both misdemeanors, in Roseville’s 39th District Miss California Due to Sex Tape Court, police said. Carrie Prejean and Miss California USA Pageant officials dropped their dueling lawsuits against each other Tuesday, a move that was reportedly triggered by a sex tape featuring the controversial beauty queen. According to TMZ. com, Prejean was demanding more than a million dollars during her settlement negotiations until an attorney for the Pageant whipped out the steamy video. The celebrity gossip site says it obtained the sex tape months ago and can attest for its racy nature.

They said he is an account representative for Rent-A-Center and went to the 21-year-old woman’s home Oct. 22 to discuss a delinquent account. During the discussion, he turned the conversation into a sexual nature, offering to make her bill go away in exchange for a sex act, police said. Herron then exposed himself to her while taking her hand and placing on himself. The woman pulled away and Herron completed the sex act upon himself before leaving her home, police said. Later, police said, Herron called the woman and again expressed an interest in exchanging a sex act for eliminating her debt to the company. She then reported the incident to police.

Prejean, who was stripped of her crown in June, had accused the organization of religious discrimination and emotional distress after she gave a pageant answer opposing gay marriage. Last month, the Pageant countersued Prejean, accusing her of breaking her Miss USA contract, lying about semi-nude photos and failing to repay the $5,200 she borrowed for a breast augmentation surgery.

SC Man Gets 3 Years In Prison For Sex With Horse

A South Carolina man caught on video having sex with a horse was sentenced Wednesday to three years in prison after pleading guilty for the second time in two years to abusing the creature. Vereen was arrested in July after Barbara Kenley caught him entering the barn at Lazy B Stables in Longs, about 20 miles northeast of Myrtle Beach. She had been staking out the stable for more than a week after setting up a surveillance camera and videotaping Vereen’s assault on her 21-year-old horse named Sugar. Kenley said she became suspicious because her horse was acting strange and getting infections, and she noticed things were moved around the barn and dirt was piled up near the horse’s stall. It wasn’t the first time she’d caught Vereen. In late 2007, Kenley found him asleep in the hay after assaulting her horse. For that offense, he also pleaded guilty to buggery, received probation and had to register as a sex offender.

Mind-blowing Sex: Woman Suffers Amnesia After Intercourse

The sudden loss of memory, called “transient global amnesia” or TGA, is caused by pressure in blood vessels in the brain, and can be triggered by strenuous activities, bowel movements, or – commonly – sex. The 59-year-old woman, known only as Alice, had the worrying experience after she and her husband Scott had sex last August. She suddenly, albeit temporarily, lost all memory of the last several years and the ability to form new memories. After sex they turned on the television, which was showing the Beijing Olympics, and she asked: “Is there an Olympics?” Scott told CNN: “I saw that something was wrong, so I asked her, ‘OK, what day is it?’” When she couldn’t answer, he asked her to name the current President, to which she replied: “Bill Clinton.” Scott called an ambulance and she was taken to hospital, where it was initially thought she may have had a stroke. However, neurologists were soon able to diagnose TGA, a relatively common experience in the over-50s. Dr Louis Caplan, professor of neurology at Harvard Medical School, said: “[Sex] is actually a well-known precipitator. “One of the things people have done to look at transient global amnesia is to look at frequency of various precipitants and sex always comes out as one of the most common.”

Bill Collector Accused Of Demand- People with a history of migraines and severe ing Sex For Debt Relief headaches are more prone to TGA.

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A bill collector was arraigned today after Roseville police said he offered to make a city woman’s bill go away in exchange for a sex act and then exposed himself to her before leaving her home.

Although her memory has otherwise returned fully, Alice remains unable to remember the act of intercourse that triggered her attack. However, it is likely that she enjoyed herself.

George Herron, 43, of Detroit was ordered held on $10,000 bond on criminal sexual con-

Dr Caplan said: “It usually is after climax that [TGA] develops.”

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Feeling Dirty

All About Porn: Releases, News and Stars! Jesse Jane Fleshlight Sex Toy

Exclusive Digital Playground contract girl Jesse Jane® is now even more accessible to fans with the launch of her Fleshlight® sex toy for men. The acclaimed star of bestselling Digital Playground movies “Pirates II: Stagnetti’s Revenge” and “Teachers” partnered with Fleshlight to mold an exact replica of her famously tight pussy using their patented technology. Jesse Jane is the #1 adult star in the world, while Fleshlight is the #1 selling male sex toy in the world--a perfect combination. “We are thrilled to add a superstar of Jesse Jane’s caliber to the Fleshlight Girls experience,” remarks Steve Shubin, Fleshlight creator and CEO of ILF Inc. “We predict this being one of our biggest launches to date, with both consumer and wholesale demand mounting steadily in anticipation of the launch.” “I jumped at the chance to work with a sex toy company the caliber of Fleshlight,” says Jesse Jane. “With a great product, they’ve managed to successfully turn sex toys for men into a mainstream concept. I get so wet thinking about all the guys that are going to fuck my Fleshlight every night while watching one of my Digital Playground movies!”

20 Percent Of iPhone Users Watch Porn On Device

The ongoing Gadgetology Study by analytics company Retrevo recently took a look at the differences between iPhone and Blackberry users, with findings that resulted in what one headline called “porn shock” for the Apple crowd. Among other things, the study—which used a sample pool of 445 iPhone and BlackBerry owners distributed across gender, age, income and location in the United States—found that 20 percent of iPhone use the device frequently to watch porn. What is particularly interesting about that number— aside from the fact that it seems very low—is that, according to the study, more women than men use the iPhone by a margin of 53 percent to 47 percent. With Blackberries, it is the reverse; 59 percent of respondents who use them were men, and only 12 percent of Blackberry users reported using the phone frequently to watch porn. These results imply, but do not prove, that a significant number of female iPhone owners use it to watch porn, and that neither gender, if they are Blackberry users, particularly likes using the device for that purpose. However, iPhone users also recorded higher numbers that their Blackberry-using counterparts for each of the other activities—including to watch TV or videos, to check news and sports or to text—that they were queried about, which simply implies that iPhone owners use their devices for more entertainment-oriented reasons than the others. That insight is not terribly surprising when one considers that Blackberries are the chosen device for professionals across a number of industries.

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Jesse Jane: Online Digital Playground “Jesse Jane: Online” from director Robby D. is a dark, sexual exploration into the world of Internet dating, where people are never who they seem. Jesse Jane’s cyber beau Scott asks her to do everything from pleasuring one of his friends to picking up fetish items--though worried, Jesse will do anything to satisfy him. “Jesse Jane: Online” also stars babes Shawna Lenee and Madelyn Marie in a feature movie so sexy, only Digital Playground could produce it.

Asian Feature Sensation: Christina Aguchi By: Ms. Misha Morê Christina Aguchi was born and raised in Baton Rouge, Louisiana and enjoyed a wonderful and supportive family and childhood. In school, she enjoyed everything from taekwondo, gymnastics and cheerleading.

Sporty Girls # 3 Elegant Angel Elegant Angel proudly presents Sporty Girls 3. Do you ever get hot and bothered watching those pretty sports stars on TV? Do you find yourself slack jawed gazing at those sweaty athletic girls? If so, this series is for you. Featuring an all star cast list including Monique Alexander, Sadie West, Hillary Scott, Abbey Brookes, and Phoenix Marie. The movie is directed by award winning lensman, William H. and shot in 16:9 HD.

Big Latin Wet Butts # 10 Evasive Angles The most beautiful Latinas in the world are out on the beach showing off their golden tans, fat asses, Long hair and puffy wet pussies! These freaks are dripping for big dicks and hard fucks! Taylor is so on point; gorgeous face, juicy ass and a pussy that stays wet! Gia was created to, make you crave/fight/ argue/pay and beg for her! Her body is perfect; thick ass, strong golden legs, tits pointing up with hard nipples, beautiful face, pretty, pussy so fat and wet you will be sprung forever. Plus more...

Girlfriend Vignettes # 2 Abigail Productions Come experience the beauty of lesbian erotica like never before. Watch Reagan Reese, Nikki Rhodes, Faye Reagan, Jayden James, and more luscious ladies satisfy each others every sexual need. Each steaming vignette is bound to captivate you with a passionate kiss, a tender touch, and multiple orgasms!

Christina is a exotic mixture of Chinese and Vietnamese with long black hair and brown eyes. She stands five feet three inches tall and measures 36D26-34. Christina started modeling at age seventeen and got a breast job. She later moved to Los Angeles and worked in a handful movies of which she names “Slave To The Grind” as her personal favorite. There is a light BDSM theme in each of the scenes with some kink added in using role playing. In early 2008, she retired from a brief career in the adult film industry where she worked for companies like Adam & Eve,

Hustler Video and Wicked Pictures.

Outside of work, she loves dancing, spending time with her dogs, boyfriend and most importantly pole dancing. Christina is so careful about her performances, that it is her tendency to spend much more time performing that she does interacting with the tip rail customers. Although, when she does interact with a lucky few, she does a very good job of it. In regard to her awards, not only is Christina the 2009 Rhino Entertainer Of The Year, but she won awards in the Golden G-String Awards and in the Exotic Dancer National Championships this year! Christina is exclusively booked through feature dancing agencies A List Features and Continental Agency with Dave Michaels and Frank Bane. Her long range goals is to work hard, save money and buy a strip club. For MORE info on Christina and her feature schedule, go to www.christinaaguchi.net. To see MORE of My work, visit: http://users.adultspace.com/ MSMORE.

OMGia…Playboy Again!

She did it again! Gia Nova aka Kristina Nagova bares all on Playboy.com. Her first two pictorials and video for Playboy appeared online two years ago during Halloween and showcased more than just her curves, but also her tattoos. Now, this November, Miss Nova will be featured in two more pictorials and another video. Gia Nova’s alter ego Kristina Nagova may show her good girl side to Playboy, but she still remains the most tattooed girl ever to appear in the magazine. “Shooting for Playboy has been a dream of mine since I was a teenager. I found some (of the magazines) hidden in my house when I was younger and became obsessed. Once I was old enough to drive, I purchased vintage issues at an antique store. They don’t ID you there” She giggles. As much as we love to see Gia and her tattoos, her vintage porn obsession just made her that much cooler. We hope to see even more of her in her favorite magazine. She hopes so too. Direct Link to site: http://www.playboysbustybabes.com/showgal. php?g=groups/14345/165_1&s=244

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2009 DALLAS FETISH BALL

Tenth Year Edition With Rubberdoll VS FAQ It's time to polish your nipple clamps and crack your bullwhips...as the 2009 Dallas Fetish Ball descends upon Dallas. Saturday night, November 14th, the 10th Anniversary Edition of the Dallas Fetish Ball returns to the world Famous Lizard Lounge. This years event includes a latex fashion show from Torture Garden U.K., featuring both local and and international models. The model walk includes British fetish queens Viktoria Modesta and Roxy Velvet, along with local favorites Angela Ryan, Athena Fatale and adult film star Anna Mills. Anna is featured in the new season of HBO's Cathouse. The 10th Anniversary edition also includes a performance from perennial favorite, Rubberdoll vs. FAQ, Take a chance and spin the Amazing Wheel of Pain. You never know what you might win. A good old-fashioned flogging…hot wax? Perhaps you'd prefer a dose of verbal humiliation. The wheel is in the capable hands of Dallas' most demanding Dominatrix's. This year's event features an electrical play station, lifestyle and accessory vendors with

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loads of kinky goodies, human chandeliers and gogo boys / girls…they'll all be at the 2009 Dallas Fetish Ball, 10th Anniversary Edition. Booty music, sleazy electro, industrial strength glam trash provided by DJ Joe Virus; or if you prefer, enjoy 80's retro in the Video Bar with DJ Per. Fetish Wear is not required, however, there is a no effort... no entry policy. Recommended: fetish, formal, rubber, leather, vinyl, sexy, skimpy, sleazy, slutty, uniforms, metal, pvc, corsets, drag, cyber, sci fi, gothic... Advance tickets are only $15. Admission will be $20 at the door. Reserved tables, bottle service, and VIP packages are available. For information or advance tickets visit dallasfetishball.com or call 214-826-4769. There's something kinky for everyone...at the 2009 Dallas Fetish Ball, 10th Anniversary Edition! The Lizard Lounge is located at 2424 Swiss Ave.

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AZUKITA CABARET GRAND OPENING

Azukita Cabaret had their grand opening last Friday, Nov. 6. If you weren’t there you missed out on some bumping music, beautiful waitresses and super sexy dancers. The main area features 5 stages, 2 full bars and big screen TVs. The V.I.P. area features a main stage, full bar on second level and plasma TV screens. Azukita Cabaret is open Thursday through Sunday 4PM to 2AM. It is located at 9009 Sovereign Row, Dallas, TX 75247 (Hwy 183 and Regal Row).

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Did I Ever Tell You The One About... And other strange oddities of the world

NM Calf Fitted With Prosthetic Legs

Meadow the yearling Black Angus calf spends her days frolicking in northeastern New Mexico’s cattle country, all with her prosthetic hind legs.

Twenty-nine-year-old Aaron Siebers was arrested after police say he admitted making up the assault and said he was responsible for the knife wound to his leg and other superficial cuts on his body. He faces charges of false reporting and obstructing a police officer. Police say Siebers reported the attack Monday to the video store where he works. The reported assault drew five police agencies to the scene, along with K-9 units.

The bucolic scene seemed impossible just a few months ago, when rancher Nancy Dickenson and her stepdaughter, Martha, found Meadow on a neighbor’s property. The 11-month-old calf had lost her back hooves and half of her ears to severe frostbite. The Dickensons have rescued dozens of animals and wanted to give Meadow a chance to walk normally again. They located the calf’s owner and bought Meadow, and convinced veterinarians and students at Colorado State University to help her. Doctors amputated a portion of Meadow’s hind legs in August and fitted her with the prosthetics, a rare procedure done on livestock typically destined for the food supply. Meadow is believed to be the first bovine calf fitted with double prosthetics, Colorado State veterinarian Dr. Robert Callan said. He based his claim on discussions with other veterinarian clinics and schools. Nancy Dickenson said the family decided to pay what she expects will cost “thousands of dollars” for the procedures because Meadow has become another family pet. “She’s just so precious,” she said. “A few people have asked ‘Is she going to be beef?’ and I said ‘Are you kidding? This is my newest baby.’”

It’s Hard To Find a Good Donkey Show The Weekly Adventures Of OJ Tobias

I decided that I really need to lighten up. Most of my columns are always so serious. Every week I try to impart the important things in life and business. This week I decided I would make the Donkey Show lighter and fluffier than usual. Instead of hard topics like sex, drugs, and rap music, I will be writing about why I don’t dig ugly fat chicks.

I don’t dig ugly fat chicks. I have discovered that over the years that fat girls are not my type. I know that while you read this you’re saying to yourself, “But Police spokesman Steve Davis says Siebers admitOJ, you seem to be a well-rounded, pretty tolerant ted the story was a lie after repeated questioning and loving man.” Well, you are correct. I am all that and good looking as well. from detectives. With that stated, allow me to rebut. It’s not like I have never tried an ugly fat chick. I enjoy a few cocktails every now and again. Occasionally, this impairs my judgment An Ohio man dressed as a Breathalyzer test for Hal- and I have woken up next to my wife and some ugly fat chick. The next morning is loween found himself blowing into one after police always the same thing. The ugly fat chick is in love and my wife is upset that this ugly stopped him for allegedly driving the wrong way broad is in our bed. She, apparently, is not into ugly fat chicks either. I can’t blame without headlights on a one-way street. Oxford poher. I am disgusted with myself as well. lice said they stopped Police: Breathalyzer-Costumed Man Accused Of DUI

20-year-old James P. Miller on Halloween night and found beer in his front seat and in the trunk. Police said Miller blew 0.158 percent on a Breathalyzer test. The legal limit for driving is a blood-alcohol level of .08.

While I am on the subject, I really don’t know what my wife digs in a girl, or what she is into as a whole. I don’t think I would recognize her outside of my home unless some woman walked up to me and started firing a gun. Then I would know that it was my beloved. Perhaps if I were on fire and some woman was standing there refusing to piss the fire out, that would be my blushing bride. A lot of people think it is hard to have a good marriage, but it is easy as long as you are not worried about being happy, or liking your spouse. Write me at ojtobias@hotmail.com

Miller was cited on charges including operating a vehicle while intoxicated, underage possession of alcohol, having an open container and a fake ID, and a one-way street violation.

SKorean Woman Passes Driver’s Exam On 950th Try A woman in South Korea who tried to pass the writ-

Robbery Victim IDs Suspect From Old ten exam for a driver’s license with near-daily atYearbook tempts since April 2005 has finally succeeded on her After being robbed of his jacket, cell phone, keys and $300, a Pennsylvania man was left with the odd feeling that his assailants looked familiar. Police say that’s because they went to school together about 15 years ago.

950th time. The aspiring driver spent more than 5 million won ($4,200) in application fees, but until now had failed to score the minimum 60 out of a possible 100 points needed to get behind the wheel for a driving test.

Erie police arrested 30-year-old Anthony Williams on Monday on charges of robbery, terroristic threats and simple assault. The other suspect has not been found.

Cha Sa-soon, 68, finally passed the written exam with a score of 60 on Wednesday, said Choi Young-chul, a police official at the drivers’ license agency in Jeonju, 130 miles (210 kilometers) south of Seoul.

They say Williams was one of two men who accosted the victim outside a convenience store Oct. 17. Police say the victim recognized Williams because they both attended Central Career and Technical School in the mid-1990s. The victim brought old yearbooks to the police station and identified a newer picture of Williams from a photo lineup.

Police said Cha took the test hundreds of times, but had no specific total. Local media said she took the test 950 times.

Police: Man Made Up Knife Attack To Now she must pass a driving test before getting her license, Choi said. Miss Work Police in the Denver suburb of Edgewater say a man stabbed himself, then said he was attacked by three men dressed in black who were either Hispanic or skinheads, in a ploy to miss work.

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Repeated calls to Cha seeking comment went unanswered. She told the Korea Times newspaper she needed the license for her vegetable-selling business.

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News, Rumors and Gossip Transsexual Beauty Crowned

Shimmering in a gold evening gown, a Japanese television host wept and called for greater tolerance as she was crowned the world’s most beautiful transsexual at a pageant in Thailand.

tan. Paul Bruno said the driver pulled over two blocks into the ride and told them to get out. Bruno said the driver told them hugging wasn’t allowed. Driver Medhat Mohamed told the New York Post in Thursday’s editions that things were heating up, and that was distracting him. He said he’d treat a heterosexual couple the same.

Ms Haruna Ai, 37, beat 20 other contestants at the Miss International Queen 2009 who came to the Thai beach resort of Pattaya from as far as Brazil and the United States. ‘I am very, very, very happy,’ she said in tears, minutes after the previous title holder placed a tiara on her head. ‘I want contests like this to show everyone that they should love each other and live freely,’ she said. Millions of Thais watched the show live on television on Saturday as the beauties - all born men but whose sexual identification is entirely with the opposite sex - strutted their stuff at Tiffany’s Show Pattaya, billed as the world’s largest transsexual cabaret. Despite Thailand’s tolerant reputation, transsexuals complain they are legally discriminated against as they cannot change their gender on ID cards.

Italy Governor Quits Amid Transsexual Scandal

The opposition governor of the Italian region of Lazio stepped aside on Saturday, citing “personal weaknesses” amid an investigation into charges four police blackmailed him over a video of him with a transsexual. Piero Marrazzo, of the centre-left Democratic Party, said in a statement he was suspending himself from office immediately and had opened procedures that could lead to his permanent resignation. Four members of the National Guard police, arrested this week on charges including the attempted blackmail of Marrazzo, testified before a judge on Saturday. State news agency Ansa quoted the magistrates who signed their arrest order as saying the video showed Marrazzo with a transsexual inside an apartment. Several national newspapers reported they had been approached to buy the video, showing two half-naked men.

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If it’s determined Mohamed refused service on the basis of sexual orientation, he could face fines, suspension and or loss of his taxi license.

Fort Worth Considers Gay Rights After Raid

Following on the heels of a raid on a gay bar that left one man hospitalized, Fort Worth lawmakers are considering an expansion of gay rights, the Star-Telegram reported. Lawmakers are considering four proposals, including extending benefits to the spouses of gay city employees. Also being considered are ordinances that would consider a company’s record on gay rights when approving tax breaks and adding gender reassignment surgery to the city’s health insurance plan. The measures come after a June raid on the Rainbow Lounge, a gay bar. Police stormed the bar with paddy wagons in tow and arrested six people for public intoxication. Patrons say excessive force was used during the bar check. Two men were treated for serious injuries. A recently released police report on the use of force cleared officers of wrongdoing and renewed calls by gay activists for an independent investigation.

Health Care Bill Recognizes Gay Families

House members overwhelmingly approved a health care reform bill Saturday that recognizes gay unions and makes health care more affordable for gay families. The Affordable Health Care for America Act extends Medicaid to subsidize moderate-income people who otherwise could not afford quality health insurance. Also tucked inside the bill is Representative Jim McDermott’s Tax Equity for Health Plan Beneficiaries Act of 2009 introduced in May.

Gay NYC Couple Accuse Taxi Driver Of Bias New York City officials are investigating a gay couple’s claim that a cab driver threw them out of his taxi for hugging.

McDermott, a Democrat from Washington, introduced the bill along with Ileana Ros-Lehtinen, a ranking Republican on the House Foreign Affairs Committee from Florida. The bill alters the tax status of health benefits granted to the spouses of gay employees. Under the bill, such benefits would no longer be considered taxable income for the employee.

The Commission on Human Rights and the Taxi & Limousine Commission are looking into the complaint about an incident Monday in Manhat-

Human Rights Campaign, the nation’s largest gay rights advocate, has supported the legislation.

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From the AP Wire....Of all the sinister things that Internet viruses do, this might be the worst: They can make you an unsuspecting collector of child pornography. Heinous pictures and videos can be deposited on computers by viruses — the malicious programs better known for swiping your credit card numbers. In this twist, it’s your reputation that’s stolen.

Pedophiles can exploit virus-infected PCs to remotely store and view their stash without fear they’ll get caught. Pranksters or someone trying to frame you can tap viruses to make it appear that you surf illegal Web sites. Whatever the motivation, you get child porn on your computer — and might not realize it until police knock at your door. An Associated Press investigation found cases in which innocent people have been branded as pedophiles after their co-workers or loved ones stumbled upon child porn placed on a PC through a virus. It can cost victims hundreds of thousands of dollars to prove their innocence. Their situations are complicated by the fact that actual pedophiles often blame viruses — a defense rightfully viewed with skepticism by law enforcement. “It’s an example of the old `dog ate my homework’ excuse,” says Phil Malone, director of the Cyberlaw Clinic at Harvard’s Berkman Center for Internet & Society. “The problem is, sometimes the dog does eat your homework.” The AP’s investigation included interviewing people who had been found with child porn on their computers. The AP reviewed court records and spoke to prosecutors, police and computer examiners. One case involved Michael Fiola, a former investigator with the Massachusetts agency that oversees workers’ compensation. In 2007, Fiola’s bosses became suspicious after the Internet bill for his state-issued laptop showed that he used 4 1/2 times more data than his colleagues. A technician found child porn in the PC folder that stores images viewed online. Fiola was fired and charged with possession of child pornography, which carries up to five years in prison. He endured death threats, his car tires were slashed and he was shunned by friends. Fiola and his wife fought the case, spending $250,000 on legal fees. They liquidated their savings, took a second mortgage and sold their car. An inspection for his defense revealed the laptop was severely infected. It was programmed to visit as many as 40 child porn sites per minute — an inhuman feat. While Fiola and his wife were out to dinner one night, someone logged on to the computer and porn flowed in for an hour and a half. Prosecutors performed another test and confirmed the defense findings. The charge was dropped — 11 months after it was filed. The Fiolas say they have health problems from the stress of the case. They say they’ve talked to dozens of lawyers but can’t get one to sue the state, because of a cap on the amount they can recover. “It ruined my life, my wife’s life and my family’s life,” he says. The Massachusetts attorney general’s office, which charged Fiola, declined interview requests. At any moment, about 20 million of the

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Virus Downloads Child Porn to Your Computer estimated 1 billion Internet-connected PCs worldwide are infected with viruses that could give hackers full control, according to security software maker F-Secure Corp. Computers often get infected when people open e-mail attachments from unknown sources or visit a malicious Web page. Pedophiles can tap viruses in several ways. The simplest is to force someone else’s computer to surf child porn sites, collecting images along the way. Or a computer can be made into a warehouse for pictures and videos that can be viewed remotely when the PC is online. “They’re kind of like locusts that descend on a cornfield: They eat up everything in sight and they move on to the next cornfield,” says Eric Goldman, academic director of the High Tech Law Institute at Santa Clara University. Goldman has represented Web companies that discovered child pornographers were abusing their legitimate services. But pedophiles need not be involved: Child porn can land on a computer in a sick prank or an attempt to frame the PC’s owner. In the first publicly known cases of individuals being victimized, two men in the United Kingdom were cleared in 2003 after viruses were shown to have been responsible for the child porn on their PCs. In one case, an infected e-mail or pop-up ad poisoned a defense contractor’s PC and downloaded the offensive pictures. In the other, a virus changed the home page on a man’s Web browser to display child porn, a discovery made by his 7-yearold daughter. The man spent more than a week in jail and three months in a halfway house, and lost custody of his daughter.

forensics specialist Jeff Fischbach. Even careful child porn collectors tend to leave incriminating e-mails, DVDs or other clues. Virus defenses are no match for such evidence, says Damon King, trial attorney for the U.S. Justice Department’s Child Exploitation and Obscenity Section. But while the virus defense does not appear to be letting real pedophiles out of trouble, there have been cases in which forensic examiners insist that legitimate claims did not get completely aired. Loehrs points to Ned Solon of Casper, Wyo., who is serving six years for child porn found in a folder used by a file-sharing program on his computer. Solon admits he used the program to download video games and adult porn — but not child porn. So what could explain that material? Loehrs testified that Solon’s antivirus software wasn’t working properly and appeared to have shut off for long stretches, a sign of an infection. She found no evidence the five child porn videos on Solon’s computer had been viewed or downloaded fully. The porn was in a folder the file-sharing program labeled as “incomplete” because the downloads were canceled or generated an error. This defense was curtailed, however, when Loehrs ended her investigation in a dispute with the judge over her fees. Computer exams can cost tens of thousands of dollars. Defendants can ask the courts to pay, but sometimes judges balk at the price. Although Loehrs stopped working for Solon, she argues he is innocent.

“I don’t think it was him, I really don’t,” Loehrs says. “There was too much evidence that it wasn’t him.” The prosecution’s forensics expert, Randy Huff, maintains that Solon’s antivirus software was working properly. And he says he ran other antivirus programs on the computer and didn’t find an infection — although security experts say antivirus scans frequently miss things. “He actually had a very clean computer compared to some of the other cases I do,” Huff says. The jury took two hours to convict Solon. “Everybody feels they’re innocent in prison. Nobody believes me because that’s what everybody says,” says Solon, whose case is being appealed. “All I know is I did not do it. I never put the stuff on there. I never saw the stuff on there. I can only hope that someday the truth will come out.” But can it? It can be impossible to tell with certainty how a file got onto a PC. “Computers are not to be trusted,” says Jeremiah Grossman, founder of WhiteHat Security Inc. He describes it as “painfully simple” to get a computer to download something the owner doesn’t want — whether it’s a program that displays ads or one that stores illegal pictures. It’s possible, Grossman says, that more illicit material is waiting to be discovered. “Just because it’s there doesn’t mean the person intended for it to be there — whatever it is, child porn included.”

Chris Watts, a computer examiner in Britain, says he helped clear a hotel manager whose co-workers found child porn on the PC they shared with him. Watts found that while surfing the Internet for ways to play computer games without paying for them, the manager had visited a site for pirated software. It redirected visitors to child porn sites if they were inactive for a certain period. In all these cases, the central evidence wasn’t in dispute: Pornography was on a computer. But proving how it got there was difficult. Tami Loehrs, who inspected Fiola’s computer, recalls a case in Arizona in which a computer was so “extensively infected” that it would be “virtually impossible” to prove what an indictment alleged: that a 16-yearold who used the PC had uploaded child pornography to a Yahoo group. Prosecutors dropped the charge and let the boy plead guilty to a separate crime that kept him out of jail, though they say they did it only because of his age and lack of a criminal record. Many prosecutors say blaming a computer virus for child porn is a new version of an old ploy. “We call it the SODDI defense: Some Other Dude Did It,” says James Anderson, a federal prosecutor in Wyoming. However, forensic examiners say it would be hard for a pedophile to get away with his crime by using a bogus virus defense. “I personally would feel more comfortable investing my retirement in the lottery before trying to defend myself with that,” says

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