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METRO ANE

MAGAZINE

Voted America’s #1 Adult Weekly

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METRO ANE

MAGAZINE

Voted America’s #1 Adult Weekly

www.METROANE.com

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Editor In Distress I am so glad the weather is cooling down. I live in a big, old house and the summer electric bills were huge. It was either suffer and sweat your ass off or enjoy a nice cooled down house and be broke. Well, the house being old also meant it had crappy insulation and the AC barely got the house cooler than eighty degrees. I’m pretty sure the house will be freakin cold in the winter, but I have tons of blankets and I don’t mind freezing a little. Friday I went to The Door and saw Chthonic (pictured) open for Satyricon. Chthonic were awesome and should have played later that night instead of first. After Satyricon, they were the next best band that night. If you missed my interview with them last week, they are a melodic metal band from Taiwan. Last time they were here it was at the Ozzfest at Pizza Hut Park in the summer 2008, so I bet they were glad to play Texas during a cooler time of the year.

Metro ANE Magazine 2462 Walnut Ridge St. Dallas, TX 75229 Phone: 214-638-6397 Fax: 214-638-2232 www.metroane.com Publisher: Ali Stout ali@anemagazine.com Production Manager: Russell Craig sales@anemagazine.com Editor: Gil Russell gil@anemagazine.com Inside Sales: Sheila Blue sheila@anemagazine.com Outside Sales: Colleen Morgan colleen@anemagazine.com Contributors: Richard Hunter, Gil Russell, Colleen Morgan, Pat “Two Dogs” Snow, OJ Tobias, Mike Wilshin, Jayson Champion, Chapel Waste, Misha Morê, Richard Harmon, Vivienne Vermuth, Blake, Zamra, Nola and Richard Harris, Jr. Contributing Photographers: Mike Wilshin, Misha Morê, DV8, Scotty Mankoff, Sarah / Dynamite Dames Photography. Questions or comments about the magazine can be sent to editor@anemagazine.com. Questions about advertisemet may be directed to sales@anemagazine. com.

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Voted America’s #1 Adult Weekly

There are some cool events going on this weekend that are also raising money for some worthy causes. Friday, Oct. 9 the Blue Masquerade Fashion Ball is going on at The Church at The Lizard Lounge. It is being hosted by Amber Deville and Metro ANE’s guest columnist Zamra with celebrity guest “The Rebel Rocker” Nikki McKibbin from American Idol, plus live music from Razorblade Dolls and Wicked Attraction. VIP tickets are available for $25 which gets ya free sponsor drinks and gift bags, plus you get to party with celebs, models and performers. Regular tickets are $10 in advance and $15 at the door. This event is benefitting The North Texas Food Bank and Deep Ellum Community Association. The Church is located at 2424 Swiss at Good Latimer, Dallas. http://thechrurchdallas.com If you’re more interested in seeing a live band on Friday night I would check out my favorite all girl band The Loosies at Lakewood Bar and Grill. They are playing with Flametrick Subs, Aquaholics and Max Cady. It’s $7. LBG is located at 6340 Gaston Ave., Dallas, TX Sunday, Oct. 11 from 6-9pm our sexy scientist Zamra will be performing at Dr. Sketchy’s Hell-acious Anti Art School with Jade Pearl and Bridgette Noir. Burlesque performer Kali Ann will be the featured drawing model. The event is $10 with all proceeds going to the Feel Your Boobies Foundation (http:// feelyourboobies.org). It is being hosted at Banter located at 219 W. Oak St., Denton. -Gil gil@anemagazine.com (Picture by Scotty Mankoff)

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NEWT GINGRICH INVITES GENTLEMEN’S CLUB OWNER DAWN RIZOS TO PRIVATE AWARDS DINNER, THEN CHANGES MIND DALLAS, TEXAS – After naming Lodge owner Dawn Rizos “Entrepreneur of the Year” and inviting her to a private dinner in Washington, former House Speaker Newt Gingrich has rescinded the invitation. “We’re very disappointed,” Ms. Rizos said. “We were very honored to receive this award and it’s really kind of rude for them to change their minds at the last minute.” Ms. Rizos is owner and CEO of The Lodge, one of the nation’s premier gentlemen’s clubs, which has received many local and national honors over the years for its elegance, beauty, fine cuisine and integrity. In early September she received a letter from Mr. Gingrich’s organization, American Solutions for Winning the Future, informing her she was being honored for “your success in building your business and recognition of the risks you take to create jobs and stimulate the economy.” Ms. Rizos noted that The Lodge “helps hundreds of people support their families, further their educations and build successful futures, and we’re very proud of that.”

The honor was to be presented

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by Mr. Gingrich at a dinner on October 7 at the Capitol Hill Club in Washington. “It’s a very small intimate event…Newt is looking forward to hearing your ideas on getting the economy moving again and getting your feedback on his plans over dinner,” the invitation said.

When Ms. Rizos phoned to confirm her reservation, she was asked to join the organization and pay the $5,000 annual fee. She did, and received a letter from Mr. Gingrich thanking her and adding, “I look forward to meeting you and hearing more about your business.” On September 29, an organizer of the event contacted Ms. Rizos to inform her that a mistake had been made and that she was no longer welcome at the awards dinner. He said American Solutions intended to honor a company named DCG – which is The Lodge’s corporate parent – but sent the invitation to the wrong DCG. He added that Ms. Rizos’ success was admirable, and that perhaps she would be welcome at a future American Solutions event. “I certainly hope so,” Ms. Rizos said. “We admire Newt Gingrich’s positions on personal responsibility, self-reliance, and, especially, the need to keep the government out of our private lives. We have a lot to talk about.”

The Lodge - The Lodge is now open at noon on Sundays for NFL Football. Great lunch specials go on till 4 p.m., and it’s Happy Hour all day and night. New, improved, fabulous and free PRIMO POKER hosted on Sunday at 4 p.m. Poker Princess, Sharron Nix, will offer free Texas Hold’em lessons at 3 before the cards drop at 4. Highlights include great weekly prizes, season prizes of buy-ins at big-time tournaments, terrific food and drink specials, and beautiful dealers at every table. Plus, you’re at The Lodge. 10530 Sprangler Rd. @ Northwest Hwy, Dallas. Spearmint Rhino - UFC 104 Saturday, Oct. 24. 1/2 off appetizers, $10 dances in between fights and 25 cent wings. 10965 Composite Drive, Dallas. Silver City - Couples Night on Fridays. $4 Absolute Martinis, $30 dinner for two and free entry. Free Vegas style buffet on Tuesdays and Thursdays 11am-2pm. 7501 Stemmons, Dallas. King’s Cabaret - $10 table dances and $3.50 wells and domestic beers from 11am4pm. 1602 Market Center Blvd, Dallas. Bombshells Cabaret - Text “Bomb” to 47643 for your chance to win a $1,000. $7 cover from 4-7PM. $10 cover and dances on Sunday and Monday. 2444 Walnut Ridge, Dallas. Cabaret Caliente - Fort Worth’s only Latin Strip Club. $2 drinks during all football and soccer games. $2.75 wells and domestics and $5 you call its everyday from 11am-10pm. 719 Main st., Ft. Worth. Elegance Cabaret - Hippest little strip club in the country. $2 drinks during all NFl and college televised football games. $2.75 wells and domestics and $5 you call its everyday from 11am-10pm. Jaguars Dallas - Free lunch and admission Monday through Friday from 11am to 2pm. Free Alcohol and admission everyday before 4pm. 2154 Manana, Dallas Master Blaster’s Ladies Club - Dancer Reunion Customer Appreciation Party on Thursday, Oct. 15. Free Champagne and BBQ from 7-9pm. Go to Master Blasters to get your invitation. 3094 N. Stemmons Frwy, Dallas, Texas 75247

Voted America’s #1 Adult Weekly

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Live Shows and Events Double-Wide (www.myspace.com/thedoublewidebar) Thu. 10/08: Bad Sports, Jail (WI), Old Snack Fri. 10/09: Bridges and Blinking Lights, Crooks (Austin), The Room Sounds Sat. 10/10: Saboteur, Magnet School (Austin), The Auxiliary Voice Sun. 10/11: Riverboat Gamblers, The Von Ehrics, Spector 45 Tue. 10/13: DJ Dirty Cha Cha O’RILEY’S (www.myspace.com/orileys2003) Fri. 10/09: The Purple Project (Deep Purple Tribute Band), BeBe Le Strange (Heart Tribute Band), Senseless Sat. 10/10: Final Level, The JuJu Beans, Ball and Chain, Sedated (Ramones Tribute Band), Ology Reno’s Chop Shop (www.myspace.com/renoschopshop) Every Wednesday: DJ Virus spins 80’s Every Thursday: Jerry Rutherford Spins Rock Sat. 10/10: The Sever Display, Hope Has Failed Us, Dying Ground Lola’s Saloon (www.myspace.com/lolasfortworth) Wed. 10/07: Goatwhore w/The Bezerker, Warbringer, Sweetooth Sat. 10/10: Standard Transmission SKILLMAN STREET BAR (www.myspace.com/skillmanstreetbar) Fri. 10/09: Mic the Tiger, Analog Star, Tiger Bay, Thought Experiment, Fusillade, Helloch!c Sat. 10/10: Southern Assault, Hellgoat, Ruin the Rival, Grim, InColdBlood, 100Proof Hatred Sun. 10/11: Silent Civilian, Jacknife Poor David’s Pub (www.poordavidspub.com) Wed. 10/07: Open Mic w/ Glitter Rose Thu. 10/08: Tribella Fri. 10/09: Cassandra’s Curse Sat. 10/10: The Pitpops Sun. 10/11: Young Country Mon. 10/12: Death Hickey Blues The Curtain Club (www.curtainclub.com) Fri. 10/09: The Catepilliars, Remington, Hello

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Jamie, Good High Five, The Upsides Sat. 10/10: Warkista, Suicide Opera The Liquid Lounge (In The Curtain Club) Fri. 10/09: Nine Month Fall, Blitzer, Goodbye Scattergun, The Champion Sea Sat. 10/10: Scylla, Within The Eddy, Deaf Angel, Hopeless Romantica, Autumns Blood LAKEWOOD BAR AND GRILL (www.lbgdallas.com) Wed. 10/07: Van Goghs Ear Thur. 10/08: Le Cure, Merrol Ray Fri. 10/09: Flametrick Subs, Max Cady, The Aquaholics Sun. 10/04: Sunday Afternoon Jazz Tue. 10/06:

Shows this week:

Friday, October 9th, get a jump on Halloween at Lakewood Bar & Grill, 6340 Gaston Ave. in Dallas with The Loosies, The Aquaholics, Max Cady and Austin’s The Flametrick Subs.

SONS OF HERMANN HALL (www.sonsofhermann.com) Tue. : Blues ‘n’ the Night, Wed.: Swing Dance Thu.: Electric Campfire Acoustic Jam Sat. 10/10: KNON 89.3 FM Benefit - Red Hot Blues Party featuring Zac Harmon, Paul Byrd, and Kirkland James. Admission includes BBQ from Red Hot & Blue. THE PEARL (www.pearlatcommerce.com) Wed. 10/07: Rick Yost and The Sofakings Fri. 10/09: Buster Brown Band Sat. 10/10: Rick Estrin and The Nightcats Mon. 10/04: Miss Marcy and her Texas Sugar Daddies Tue. 10/05: The Rebel Alliance Jazz Ensemble

Of course, the show I am looking forward to the most is Monday, October 12th at The Palladium, 1135 S. Lamar in Big D... ALICE COOPER! Need I say more? Methinks not...

MUDDY WATERS (www.myspace.com/muddywatersonliveoak) Fri. 10/09: Owen Obel Sat. 10/10: Mojo Dolls THE GOAT (www.myspace.com/goatsblues) Thu. 10/08: Pete Barbeck Jam Sat. 10/10: Luau Larry & The Sandcrabs Mon. 10/12: Tony DeCicco, Perry Jones Jam Tue. 10/13: Aaron Burton w/Stompin’ Bill Johnston

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www.myspace.com/thejunglerockers. Or, if the blues are more to your liking, KNON 89.3FM is holding their “Red Hot Saturday Night Blues Party & BBQ” at Sons of Hermann Hall, 3414 Elm Street in Dallas. Not only will you be entertianed by Kirkland James, Paul Byrd and Zak Harmon, but there will be BBQ courtesy of Red, Hot & Blue BBQ! Preorder tickets at www.knon,. org, or buy then in advance at Bill’s Records in Dallas or Forever Young Rercords in Grand Prairie for $6! $10 at the door the day of the show... still a helluva great deal and good time!

Then on Saturday, October 10th, the awesome Jungle Rockers will be at LBG, along with Heathen Sun, Texas Redlegs and Trey Williams. I have to admit that, ever since their KNON benefit appearance a couple of weeks ago, both of their CDs have been jungle rockin’ me non-stop!

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Newt Gingrich Exposed By The Lodge It’s not every day that someone hears from a former Speaker Of The House. The gavel has only changed hands sixty times, counting current Speaker Nancy Pelosi. They are second in line to The Presidency, right behind The Vice-President, and there are only five of them currently living. No sir, it’s not every day that a Speaker Of The House comes calling. That’s exactly what happened though to Dawn Rizos, owner of The Lodge, at the beginning of last month. She was contacted by Newt Gingrich’s “Business Defense And Advisory Council” and told that Newt had named her “Entrepreneur Of The Year” representing Texas. He wanted to present her with a major award, according the fax, and Gingrich was even requesting her presence in Washington D.C. the following month to attend a “small, intimate” awards dinner where she would “dine privately” with Newt. Dawn was flattered, and why shouldn’t she be? She and The Lodge have been honored many times with various industry awards, and the club has built a great reputation that has transcended to “gentleman’s club” stigma. Her representative accepted the invitation on her behalf, and that’s when they asked for the check. It seems that joining Gingrich’s “American Solutions” group comes with a $5,000 annual price tag. Dawn paid the fee, which prompted a personal thank you note from Newt Gingrich stating that he was looking forward to finally meeting her” (apparently he had been anticipating this meeting for some time) to present her with the award, and he even wanted to get her thoughts on President Obama’s cap and trade initiative! Makes sense. When I think carbon emissions I think gentlemen’s clubs, don’t you? With only a week to go until the dinner, Dawn Rizos was informed that she was effectively uninvited to the dinner, and that she would not be welcome there. It seems that “there was a mix up”, and that Gingrich intended to honor a different DCG (The Lodge’s parent company) in

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Virginia. This, despite the fact that the opening lines of Newt’s fax pitch stated that he chose Dawn to “represent Texas”. Furthermore, a Google search of DCG turns up pages of listings before The Lodge. My producer called the company that was located in Virginia, and they said that they had not heard from Newt. A revised Google search of DCG inc. brought up The Lodge first, but accompanied with a clear description touting the club as “the best men’s club in The USA”! Nope, no mistaking that. As it turns out, this was the second time that this happened within the same month. Newt had also invited Allison Vivas, the head of on line porn company Pink Visual. In her case, he didn’t even bother to craft an excuse about confusing her with another “Pink Visual”. That would’ve probably been a taller order, and besides, she hadn’t even sent in her check yet. She was shown even less of an effort towards decorum than was Rizos. The real indignity of all of this is that Dawn Rizos is the kind of business woman that you could have a cap and trade discussion with, and after talking to Ms. Vivas, I could say the same for her. The nerve of a moral hypocrite like Newt Gingrich passing judgement on them for their legal business activities is really incredible. After all, this is a man who spent his time in Congress trying to regulate the private lives of American citizens, all the while carrying on an extra-marital affair during the time that Congress was moving to impeach President Clinton. His time as Speaker was also marked with ethics violations that would eventually earn him sanctions from his fellow Representatives. The fact that Gingrich’s money pitch was laced with fake sincerity and feigned personal references just shows you how low a political creeton like Newt Gingrich is willing to stoop to fill his coffers. Richard Hunter hosts “The Richard Hunter Show”, heard weekday afternoons 4-6pm on AM 1360 Dallas. Log on to richardhuntershow.com.

Voted America’s #1 Adult Weekly

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METRO ANE SPORTS ured my research was going to be pretty accurate since people who hang where wings and brewski’s are served ought to be up on anything that was turning the streets. Yep, that’s what I thought, allrighty.

Lemme tell ya, we’re gonna start off today jumpin’ right into the mix. I get all kinds of emails on the normal sports questions but then I also get the rutti tutti variety, and not just the visiting aliens. Two repeaters are: do I think something’s a sport and what makes something a sport? The latest example is “free running”. Considering I’d never heard of this, my first guess was running without clothes through the forests. Then I thought maybe I’d left a faucet on. My last stab at it was recalling how my bladder acts after allowing those pretty ladies to keep appearing at my table, magically producing cold beer. I was wrong on all counts. Like, that’s a surprise? In my first foray to discover the hidden meaning of this I corralled a bunch of people at a donut shop who assured me that free runners are like self trained acrobats who run around a city and parks and whatever else, boinging and kabonging and otherwise using surfaces to run along and or bounce off of. No kidding. Well, kick start me hard if that one just didn’t get by me. Being’s a string of exes (not all necessarily mine) has turned me into a person suspicious of just about everything, I decided to quiz some groups of guys sitting at tables. Luckily for me these were tables in places where pretty girls with pitchers of liquid kept showing up to. I fig-

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First off, this guy looks at me and says: “Jump London”. I was raised in west Texas and our football team was pretty poor and we’d jump cactus for training, but that seemed a tad different than jumping London, whatever the hell that was. His girl says: “that’s a movie and it’s about Parkour”. I’m in the flow of this now, so I brilliantly say, “Parker who”? “No”, she says, “par-coor”. Considering I’ve been the recipient of a couple of pitchers by this time, I’m in no condition to play this kind of riddle game. But, stoically, I wait until this tidbit is thrown at me: most people confuse free running and Parkour because they’re so similar. Well stomp on my toes and catch the scream. One guy looks this up and says they both do the same things but free running is about freedom of movement and Parkour is all about efficiency. So first you got a bunch of folk who decide to run around a city finding things to run across, jump over, walls to try and run across and/or up, poles to swing off of, and in general just run spastic all over the place. Obviously these people went to publicly funded schools. Then along comes another group who go find things to run across, jump over, walls to try and run across and/or up, poles to swing off of, and in general run spastic all over the place, BUT, they nod their heads and say THEY’RE doing it with efficiency and give it a name, Parkour. Obviously these people went to private exclusive schools.

Do I think either one is a sport? Not a chance. I don’t think tether ball’s a sport. I don’t think hopscotch is a sport. I don’t think jump ropes a sport. I don’t think any playground activity is a sport. It’s called playing, and just because somebody makes a video or a movie of it don’t make it a sport. But go ahead and keep asking me if things are a sport ‘cause I have a great time researching them. Let’s get to the real business of the day. I just gotta throw this question in to get the water boilin’. How many of you had the feeling BEFORE the Cowboys Broncos game that we were in trouble while it was still in doubt that Barber and Jones were both out, leaving us to rely on the passing game? Once they decided MB was gonna play, how many of you felt relief? That, my friends, is the state of your confidence regarding our passing game and running game, and it matches the reality of the situation. It’s called a gut instinct and that’s what we’re stuck with until the offense proves different. As more teams stack the line to run stop, which should open up the passing lanes, it basically dares Romo and Garrett to beat them with the passing attack. If you’re a hunter, THIS is what you’ve been waiting for. As Captain James T. Kirk once said: “the enemy has us exactly where we want him”. The problem is when the Cowboys pull the trigger. Let’s check the pulse on the rest of the action. Did ya like the way the Rangers ended the season? How many ways can you spell loss of determination? I don’t think they choked, I think they just petered out. They had a great

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season. They were relevant almost to the end, and had an effect on other teams positioning for the playoffs. But they mentally let go of it at the last. Here’s the drill: the name of anything is how you finish. I don’t care what it is you’re doin’, how you finish it is what you’re name is. Unless you’re physically incapable of going on, you don’t throw in the towel. The Rangers bosses resisted trading away the farm team and this is the best news in a city desperate for somebody to play tough, smart, and into the post season. They have some pitching help coming up, the infield will have more experience, and maybe Hamilton can manage to play a whole season. For the first time since being in diapers people of all ages are looking forward to the coming season, and hey, it looks like we’ll actually have some good rounds in the playoffs and not have to just sit and wait for the Series. How ‘bout the start of the NHL and Dallas Stars hockey season? Man, it felt GREAT to have that action back on. But first we have some hoorahin’ to do. Like, the Blues beat the Red Wings in the first two games of the season, a back to back matchup. In my book, any time Detroit loses is cause for a celebration and to get this double whammy is like Christmas comes early! Who cares if there’s 82 more games, the team I love to hate got nailed, and that’s enough. Now what about our Dallas Stars? Tim Cowlishaw wrote in his Dallas Morning News column that he is convinced the Stars won’t go to the playoffs this year. He apparently believes the defensive set minding the blue line won’t hold and we’ll let goals in like water through a colander.

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METRO ANE SPORTS

I don’t think that’s as much a bold prediction as it is one hell’uva stupid comment to air out. Ninety nine out of a hundred the only predictions I’ll make are the score of a game before it starts, which is always 0-0, all things considered a rather safe guess. With over 80 games in the regular season, all teams facing injuries, fatigue, slumps, and the ever present “what nots”, to predict the Stars won’t get to post season is ludicrous.

After watching the first game, the home open with the Predators, I think we’ve got a great season of hockey ahead of us. Except for Jere Lehtinen STILL being out from last season’s injury, we’ve got a full stable of horses that are ready to run. The one major defensive concern I have is whether Niskanen is over his second year slump and can take his game up several notches in his third year. If he does that, I think we have a better transition to Crawford’s attacking offense. Man, I can’t hold off, let’s hit the NFL. Last week’s action was pretty doggone interesting. How about the Lions hanging with the Bears through the first half? Great stuff. How about the Lions taking the second half off? That was weird. I thought it was highly challenging that the Raiders stayed with the Texans through the first period, of course as usual they didn’t seem to realize there’s four periods in a game. The two teams that had to play with desperation came through, the Redskins squeaking by the Bucs and the Steelers coming out blasting against the Chargers. For having a rookie QB, I thought the Jets did a masters job against the Saints. If they hadn’t had those mistakes by Sanchez this games closer than many thought. Jets defense is for real. The Ravens at Patriots was indeed a good football game, the kind you truly are looking to spend a Sunday with. If Brady doesn’t get mutilated he may have one of his best years.

NFL Week 5

Bye teams: Bears, Packers, Saints, and Char-

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gers.

Sunday noon games We actually have two games that are embarrassing to be out there: Browns (0-4) at Bills (1-3, home 1-1), and Redskins (2-2, road 0-2) at Panthers (0-3). Disappointing is too soft a word. Four games with no real offer of excitement: Steelers (2-2, road 0-2) at Lions (1-3, home 1-1), Vikings (3-0, road 2-0) at Rams (0-4), Buccaneers (0-4) at Eagles (2-1, home 1-1), and Raiders (1-3, road 1-1) at Giants (4-0, home 1-0). The potential for some high drama in a low down place: Cowboys (2-2, road 1-1) at Chiefs (0-4). New head coach Todd Haley for the Chiefs used to work for the Cowboys, don’t think he won’t be up to tricks. Should Dallas take this game? Yeah, but then, who knows what offense will show up? And who’d a thunk our morning game of the week would be Bengals (3-1, road 2-0) at Ravens ((3-1, home 2-0)? It’s a division contest, that through four weeks has Baltimore putting up more points (124-84) but Cincy allowing less points against (76 vs 80). Last week the Ravens just lost to a Patriots team that had to win, and the Bengals just won against a Browns team desperate to win. Today you wanna get your grills and smokers fired up early ‘cause you DON’T wanna miss that game. 3 o’clock games We got four lined up on the schedule: a fizzle, a pop, a bang, and a kaboom. Jag’s (2-2, road 1-1) at Seahawks (1-3, home 1-1) is gonna fizzle out like a light that never got fully lit in the first place. We got some pop with the Texans (2-2, road 1-0) at the Cardinals (1-2, home 0-2) with Houston’s defense giving Arizona fits.

You want bang for your buck then Patriots (3-1, road 0-1) at Bronco’s (4-0) then this should give it. New England just went to school on what Dallas got handed to ‘em by Denver’s defense. Bronco’s QB Orton will do worse against the Pat’s, and he wasn’t all that good against the Cowboys. You got an afternoon boomer that oughta wake up the neighborhood: Falcon’s (2-1, road 0-1) at 49er’s (3-1, home 2-0). They need to show this game at nursing homes ‘cause it’ll be so exciting it’ll add ten years on their lives. 7:20 game You probably are too tired and too stuffed to really care about his one, two teams going in different directions: Colts (4-0, road 2-0) at Titans (0-4). Tennessee’s had one of the toughest opening schedules and this game five is more wood on that burn down. To say that a team is only playing for pride at game five of a sixteen game season is pitiful, and that’s all the Titans have to offer. Monday Night Football 7:30 This will be fun to watch, two rookies at QB going at it, Sanchez for the Jets (3-1, road 1-1) and Henne for the Dolphins (1-3, home 1-1). It’ll be good to see what each club’s future is going to have in store.

Readers Response: Two Dogs: Just exactly how bad is the Cowboys passing game and any chances for success? Deke Dallas Deke: I knew a gal once who had a guillotine for a heart and she was kinder than this passing game. And just like with her, you have little hope. TD Two Dogs: You’re the biggest lamebrained sports writer

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of all time. I told you the Giants and Bronco’s would beat the crap out of the putrid cowboys. I’m telling you now the Chiefs will upset the ex America’s team, if it ever was. Slade Minneapolis Slade: Putrid? That’s kind of a big word for you, huh? The Cowboys were ahead of both the Giants and Bronco’s until the end of each game, and that with miserable offensive performances. The Chiefs need an upset, but they won’t get it this week. TD Two Dogs: Is it true that Lions QB Stafford is out for the season with a blown knee? And are the Titans replacing QB Collins with mentally fragile Vince Young? This would be a disaster for both teams. Can either team do any good this year? Jeff Vicksburg Jeff: Stafford got a knee popped out then staff popped it back in. It’s too early to tell if he’s lost the season or just a couple of games. I doubt seriously if the Titans are going to replace Collins with Young at this point. First of all, these losses aren’t the offense’s doing, and second, VY still hasn’t proven he’s ready to take the reins. If Detroit loses Stafford I doubt if Culpepper can swing it, so their seasons down the tubes, so they may lose more than the 12 or so they were looking at. Even if Tennessee were to able to stabilize that defense, they’re probably still looking at a 8-8 season. TD Two Dogs: Will the Cowboys sit Romo for Kitna if he continues to struggle? Illyck Illyck: No, it’ll take an injury. TD Pat “Two Dogs” Snow twodogs@anemagazine.com

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In a past life, I held a sales position for a major soft drink bottler. We were number three. We tried…to let number two try harder so that we don’t have to. I did predictive ordering, sold in new flavors, made sure contracts were honored, maintained rate integrity, and had to make sure that all point of sale is put on display in a timely fashion. Idyllically, I suppose. Mostly it was a constant head first trip into the meat grinder of irate customers who didn’t get their order, got too much stuff on their order, or got the wrong stuff. And that was just the tip of the iceberg. It was a time when it seemed that I was in valley or the abyss. However, there is no reason we can’t take a look at some of the denizens who populated my personal hell and tormented me on a daily basis.  

The Goldfish 

 A goldfish has a three second memory and so does this guy. I’ll come trundling in and he will complain as I hit some magic trigger upon my arrival or he’ll tell me he needs one thing or another about nine times in a row.  “Make sure you order some grape juice for me.” “You keep forgetting to order it.” “Okay.” “I need juice.” “I got it written down for you.” “We’re out of juice.” I mutter, “You and me both.” I move on to inspecting the rest of the inventory with homicidal fantasies playing through my head like a violent multiplex. About two minutes later the goldfish opens the cooler doors and points to an empty glide that would have contained the juice. “Right over here.” He points even more excitedly. “See, we have no purple grape juice.”

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Voted America’s #1 Adult Weekly

I sigh and nod as I pretend to note it again. I was past annoyed when he told me the first time as I would have noticed when I took inventory. So I figured it was time to annoy him for a change. “Alrightee… I have your orange juice marked for you.” He did a little hiccup and head spazz thing and exhaled. “No, no. NO!” “I said grape Juice.”  I tried my best Edith Bunker facial expressions and pretended to finally get it and he let me continue with the balance of my duties. As I began walking out of the cooler, he hit me another few times with the same request. “Do you smoke a lot of pot?” I asked soberly. He shook his head not affronted in the least bit. “Well you sure are redundant.” I said. And then for good measure I said, “You sure are redundant.” Then I asked him again if he liked to smoke the ganja. Once again he shook his head and added, “not at all.” With that entire bit of surrealistic nonsense concluded, I decided to mosey on over to my truck so that I could key the order without having to deal with any further jerky nonsense from the Goldfish. I was followed to the exit with a whirling dervish of unfounded complaints and personal attacks. All of which applied to other vendors but since I was there, I caught the brunt of the attacks. I left the building for his health and safety. Half way through the key in process, there was a tap on my window. It was the goldfish. “You must not forget to include the purple grape juice on this delivery.” “I’m completely out.” I sighed, smiled and then reassuringly said, “I won’t forget.” Then I promptly keyed in the number for white grape juice.  M. Wilshin www.xanga.com/old_man_mike

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gorilla gadgets

odd : cool : interesting : insane stuff! Fool Burglars with FakeTV

Most burglars will not risk prison by breaking into an occupied house. So when a prowler sees that flickering glow that means someone is home watching television, he knows to move on to an easier target. But now you can outsmart him with a FakeTV. FakeTV simulates the light output of a real television. When you are away, this conveys the impression of “alive” far more than a lamp on a timer ever could. Buy a FakeTV and make your home an unappealing choice for a break-in. *FakeTV makes it look like someone is home watching television *The effects of scene changes, fades, swells, flicks, on-screen motion, and color changes and more are faithfully reproduced, and look just like they came from a real TV *Computer controlled, super-bright multi-color LED light output equivalent to a typical 27” HDTV LCD television *Environmentally friendly. FakeTV consumes fifty times less power than a real TV *AC adapter included *Most televisions do not work with timers-- they turn on with push buttons. Burglars know this, making FakeTV very effective. *Built in light sensor and timer http://faketv.com

A-DATA Hard Drive

he A-DATA SH93 hard drive looks to be covered in caution tape, but you needn’t worry about dropping it on land or water. Both shock and sea bath-proof (to depths of a modest one meter for 30 minutes at a time), the rubbercoated SH93 protects up to 640GB of files through your stupidest (or clumsiest) adventures. Still, the most handy feature might not have to do with its toughness: The drive’s wrap-around USB cord means that, typhoon or mudslide, you won’t be fumbling around for the wire. (Then again, your businessclass laptop will be destroyed anyway.) http://www.adata-group.com

Crazy Bike Rack Lets Your Take Your Surfboard To The Beach In Style I’ve always thought it would be fun to go surfing. However, living in the south doesn’t provide all too many opportunities for such endeavors. Sure, I’ve heard about some decent surfing up in Houston when big boats go by, but that’s just not the same as catching big waves out in California. If you happen to live out on the coast and

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are looking for a good way to get your board to the beach via bicycle, check out these ACG Surf Racks.

This would no doubt be a cheaper (and more eco-friendly) alternative to strapping a board to your car, but it just looks plain silly. With the board strapped above your head, the center of gravity would be thrown off, making it harder to ride. If the picture is anything to go by, your rear tire is going to have a lot of trouble supporting all of the extra weight. No word on pricing, but these can be found in various surf shops in California and New Jersey. http://acgsurfracks.com

Gyrowheel

Gyroscopic Wheel

Training

I can’t say I ever thought I’d see much innovation when it came to bicycle training wheels, but that’s exactly what the creators of the Gyrowheel have managed to do. The wheel replaces a bike’s standard front wheel and features a battery powered spinning disc inside that creates a “gyroscopic precession” force which automatically stabilizes the bike. And not only does it prevent a bike from wobbling or falling over, but according to the company it also teaches better riding techniques. A kid-sized 12-inch version of the Gyrowheel should be available for purchase in the U.S. by December 1, while a 16-inch version should be available by Spring 2010. http://www.thegyrobike.com

Automatic Odor Remediator

It might look like nothing more than a Kleenex box-sized humidifier, but this Odor Remediator from Hammacher Schlemmer ($199.95) creates an odor-eliminating mist of microdroplets that are 100 times smaller and 1,000,000 times lighter than what you’d get from an aerosol can. That allows the microdroplets to remain airborne for up to 14 hours, giving them time to drift into every corner of a room, replacing unpleasant smells like smoke with slightly less unpleasant smells like pine, lavender-herb or citrus-mint. http://www.hammacher.com

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Sex In the Newz Pistachio Industry Hopes To Sell Nuts With Sexual Innuendo In the wake of a devastating product recall last spring, the pistachio nut industry is launching a firstever broadcast campaign -- to the tune of $15 million -- that features sexually risqué executions, Bruce Horovitz reports. In one, a real-life dominatrix cracks open a shell with a whip. Says the voiceover: “A dominatrix does it on command.” Another stars Levi Johnston, the father of Sarah Palin’s out-of-wedlock grandchild, standing next to a bodyguard. Says the voice-over: “Now, Levi does it with protection.”

Tufts University has formalized what for many was probably an unspoken rule: no sex when a roommate is present.

Trucker Flips His Rig After Masturbating While Driving

A German trucker suspected of driving under the influence of drugs crashed his vehicle near Borås in western Sweden on Tuesday. He subsequently admitted to masturbating at the time of the accident. The trucker, apparently unable to reach a satisfactory climax, then proceeded to continue to pleasure himself while in the midst of a police interrogation, according to the local Borås Tidning newspaper. The truck driver was en route from Gothenburg to Borås at around 4am on Tuesday morning. The truck and trailer flipped over when he rammed his vehicle into the central division on route 40 south of Borås. The upturned vehicle blocked all traffic towards Gothenburg and one lane was closed in the direction of Borås. The man remained in the vehicle with his hands apparently still clasped around his own gear stick and was subsequently arrested for reckless driving and driving while under the influence of drugs.

Couple Charged After Sex Show At Service Station

Two people have been charged after they were allegedly caught having sex in a four-wheel-drive at a Australian service station. Police said they arrested the couple at the Adelaide River BP after spotting them having sex in the passenger seat of the car while pulled up at the gas station. Officers allegedly asked the couple to “stop what

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Police said the Toyota Landcruiser in which they shared their tryst had earlier been stolen. The driver was charged with unlawful use of a motor vehicle, drunk driving and unlicensed driving. Both occupants were charged with indecent behaviour in a public place.

No Dorm Sex When Roommate Present

“We want to get some sizzle out there,” asserts Dominic Engels, vp of global marketing for Paramount Farms, the largest grower, processor and marketer of pistachios in the world. And, like most marketers these days, he’s nuts about potential “exponential impact.” In other words, he hopes the campaign will go viral.

ANE

they were doing”, and noticed the pair seemed to be intoxicated. Police then reviewed video footage to see who had been driving the car. The driver was breath-tested and returned a blood alcohol reading of 0.179 per cent.

“Sexile,” as the practice is commonly referred to, happens when one roommate asks another roommate to leave so that one may engage in sexual conduct. The Massachusetts university added the new rule to their 2009-2010 handbook for students living in on on-campus housing: “You may not engage in sexual activity while your roommate is present in the room. Any sexual activity within your assigned room should not ever deprive your roommate(s) of privacy, study, or sleep time.”

Spanish Men: World’s Best Lovers

Sultry Spaniards topped the list, based on the sexual experiences of 15,000 women. German men were voted the world’s worst lovers because of their poor hygiene. English blokes made women do all the work, Swedish men were too quick to finish, Dutchmen too rough and Americans too domineering. Brazilians were considered the second best lovers, while Italian stallions were third. Global research website OnePoll.com asked women from 20 countries to rate nations on their talent in the bedroom and explain their reasons.

Schwarzenegger Asked To Close Prostitute Website

A British government minister asked California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger on Wednesday to shut down a U.S. website that allows men to rate prostitutes, including many working in London. Harriet Harman, minister for women and equality, told the ruling Labor Party’s annual conference that “Punternet” fuels the demand for prostitution -- a vice she said degrades women and puts them at risk. She said the web site was a “very sinister development” in the trade and exploitation of women and allows guests to compare and rate services in the same way as they would a restaurant, a hotel or a holiday.

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Porn Surfing Rampant At U.S. Government Agency

An investigative report by The Washington Times reveals porn surfing by employees has been rampant at the National Science Foundation, a government agency that received $6 billion in taxpayer funding in 2008. Investigations into employee misconduct, which frequently involved workers looking at x-rated sites on government computers, grew sixfold over the past year.

Feeling Dirty

All About Porn: Releases, News and Stars!

Titled “Punk Rock Pinups Slideshow,” the app allows users to browse and then tap their favorite BurningAngel girl wallpaper for free.

Out of 10 misconduct cases at the NSF, at least seven involved workers viewing online pornography. A senior executive at the foundation was found to have spent at least 331 days looking at porn and chatting with naked or scantilyclad women on his work computer. When finally caught, the NSF official retired. He even offered, among other explanations, a humanitarian defense, suggesting that he frequented the porn sites to provide a living to the poor overseas women. Investigators put the cost to taxpayers of the senior official’s porn surfing at between $13,800 and about $58,000. “He explained that these young women are from poor countries and need to make money to help their parents and this site helps them do that,” investigators wrote in a memo. During a three-week period in June 2008, another employee visited hundreds of Internet porn sites during work hours. According to the Times, the misconduct was so widespread that investigations into the improprieties overwhelmed the NSF and it had to cut back on its primary mission: identifying grant fraud and recovering misspent tax dollars.

BurningAngel Partners With Totalmass to Launch Mobile App

BurningAngel founder Joanna Angel has announced a partnership with global media company Totalmass that will provide porn fans worldwide with the Queen of Alt Porn’s first (but not last) adult application for mobile devices. The BurningAngel app is a paid application available for download within the iTunes store.

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Patrick echoed Seinfeld’s sentiments. “Evan helped me build this company and take my career to new heights. For that I am eternally grateful,” she said. “I look forward to remaining hands-on with Teravision and working closely with Evan on all of our joint endeavors. He is truly an amazing person.”

Best Sex Parody Category Added to AVN Awards Fans also can rate and vote for their favorite BurningAngel girls (including Joanna Angel, Misti Dawn, Bella Vendetta, Draven Star, Jessie Lee and others), save each image as wallpaper, create a custom slideshow of their faves, email them to friends, and much more. Songs by BurningAngel’s favorite bands— featured in BurningAngel movies—play alongside the slideshow. The app costs $1.99.

Tera Patrick and Evan Seinfeld Officially Announce Their Split

In an effort to prevent rumors and speculation, Teravision has released the following statement about Tera Patrick and Evan Seinfeld: After seven years together the couple has officially separated. Tera and Evan remain the best of friends and business partners. They share a mutual respect and a commitment to continue to grow the Teravision and Iron Cross labels together.

“Tera is a huge star and a benefit to both adult and mainstream entertainment. I feel fortunate to have shared so much of her life and career,” Seinfeld said. “Teravision and Iron Cross are going strong and I look forward to continuing to represent the Tera Patrick brand and support all of her endeavors. She is forever in my heart.”

AVN Media Network announced Tuesday it has added Best Sex Parody as a new category for the 2010 AVN Awards. “Because of the amount of quality parodies that studios have produced in the past year and the impact they’ve had on the marketplace, we’ve decided to honor the best of those movies in their own category separate from our long-running Best Sex Comedy award,” said Paul Fishbein, president of AVN. The 27th AVN Awards Show is scheduled for Jan. 9, 2010 at the Palms Resort Casino in Las Vegas. Tickets will go on sale at avnawards. com on Oct. 1.

Sophia Santi in White Digital Playground Revered for her couples orientated erotic material, visionary director Celeste presents her new aesthetic gem, “Sophia Santi in White”. Digital Playground’s exotic beauty Sophia Santi searches desperately to find the perfect orgasm. Her sexual journey begins with a torrid scene of masturbation. Then Sophia looks to Samantha Ryan for help in an anal tryst. Audrey and Natalie break out the fetish toys and strap-ons for Sophia’s enjoyment. Sophia’s friends Maya Hills and Kimberly Kole offer her advice as they suck and f*ck a couple of studs with giant cocks. Sophia discovers true pleasure comes from knowing exactly what you want and being decisive. In the final scene

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she coaches the black trio of Kapri Styles, Aliana Love & Vanessa Monet on how to eat her pussy and make her scream in an orgasmic, all-girl orgy!

LA Pink Burning Angel LA Pink is a hilarious sexy tale about tattoos, being a female entrepreneur in a male-dominated world...and having an insatiable sex drive. It’s a pornographic parody loosely based on TLC’s reality TV show, “LA Ink”, and is written and directed by award-winning starlet Joanna Angel - LA Pink’s leading lady. LA Pink also features adult stars Andy San Dimas, Misti Dawn, Draven Star, CoCo Velvett, Brian Street Team, Erik Everhard, Sean Michaels and James Deen. Joanna Von Angel is a world-renowned tattoo artist, and the owner of her shop. She has hired some of the sexiest artists in the industry to be part of her staff; between Joanna and the girls at the shop, they give the best blowjobs and the best tattoos - in town...well, other than the shop’s only male tattoo artist, Brian Street Team, who can’t seem to get a customer no matter how hard he tries. Things get a little crazy one day when Sean Michaels - CEO of Pizza Party Incorporated (the largest distributor of frozen pizza in the world) - walks into the shop and offers Joanna her own frozen pizza licensing deal. The contract is a dream come true; it offers fame, fortune and a whole lot of free pizza, but at the expense of giving up tattooing...AND sex. How far will Joanna go - or not go - for the sake of her business?

Big Ass Anal Heaven # 11 West Coast Productions Welcome to the all anal showdown! Big ass anal cheater showdown bonus scene.Taylor is an anal loving nympho! Taylor vs Taylor back 2 back sex scenes. Juicy booty Brown Suga. Hey fans this is for every big ass lover - anal, DP we went all out!! Enjoy.

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It’s Hard To Find a Good Donkey Show The Weekly Adventures Of OJ Tobias

Bill is really a downer. I think he is afraid once I am a huge star that I won’t write for the paper any more. He is absolutely right, but no need for me to confirm his suspicions. I asked him to give me a compilation of my column so I could send them to Oprah’s Book Club. I don’t know who this f**king Oprah broad is but I am told she has got a lot tramps reading. If you’re one of my loyal readers you know yourself – chicks dig my shit! Bill told me to go f**k myself, he wanted no part of my brilliant idea. So since his pussy was hurt I figured I would do something nice for him and his new fat wife. He would know I really meant it if I was actually nice to a fat person. Since I have never done anything for a tubbo, I had to find out what they liked. What do fat people love? I pondered. I find pondering easier when I am high. After getting really high I got really hungry and decided to bake a casserole. All I had was peas, Velveeta, corn chips, mayo and eight cans of Vienna sausages. I lucked the f**k out! I mixed all that shit together and baked it @ 350 f**kin’ degrees. The whole time I was cooking, I couldn’t think of what fat f**ks like. I did know that I was hungry as a motherf**ker and the baking shit was taking too goddamn long. I got my dog and got in the car. That sorry bitch starting eating the f**king seat again so I pepper sprayed that c**t and jumped in the car. I should have rolled the windows down or

at least removed the now-mad dog from the car. Sometimes being over confident is not a good thing. The next morning as I was telling the second nurse about the whole reason I was in the hospital, she stopped me in the middle of the story. “Wait a minute. You told the admitting nurse that you injuries occurred because of an overweight lady who is married to you editor...?” She took the words right out of my mouth. “EXACTLY!” I knew this was all Bill’s fault. What a f**king prick. Another skirt from the Bean Counting Department came in during this revelation. “Mr. Russell, I just spoke with you on the phone and you said that you are not the real Bill Russell,” I thought the morphine was f**king with me. Then I remembered I checked in under Bill’s name. Seeing how this was all his fault, he should foot the bill. But f**k no, not that stingy Editor. You figure with all that big Editor money, Mr. Moneybags would just cover it. But no. He called the PO-f**king-LICE! Apparently you can’t pose as someone else and use their credit, even if you know the guy. They call it “identity theft.” Hope no one tries to steal my indentity, ‘cause chicks dig the Big Dog. Write me at ojtobias@hotmail.com

Texas Education

The owner of a golf course in Lufkin was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from The University of Texas and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" The secretary thought a moment, then replied, Why, darlin', just about everything but my earrings."

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Twisted Trends -- Cats With Arrows in their Heads

ED Expo Tradeshow ‘09

Emulating an early Steve Martin, a cat named BC sported an arrow through his head last week, having been shot through the skull by an unidentified archer in Mississippi. The arrow entered through the cat’s forehead and exited out the back of his head. “It was amazing to me he was living, walking (and) rubbing because the arrow looked like it was through his brain,” BC’s owner Randolph Henderson said. “He was trying to put his head in the food bowl, the arrow was hitting the bowl.” The veterinarian who treated BC said the arrow had chipped the kitty’s skull but missed his brain. Henderson, who is an archer himself, suspects that the attacker used a practice arrow with a duller point for target practice with the cat. If a sharper arrow had been used, he believes BC would not have been so lucky.

By: Ms. Misha Morê

The ED Expo Tradeshow went on for two days with over a hundred interesting Expo exhibitors, including several liquor/vodka/wine companies, night clubs, furniture, lighting, talent and insurance agencies, fashions, printing, magazines, club management groups and many other exciting new vendors and products. These remarkable set of people make up only a small portion of the growing adult nightclub industry and how the clubs can better serve their clientele and other future customers and that is why this year’s expo theme is “Building a Winning Team In Your Club.”

Thankfully, the arrow was removed successfully and BC was able to resume his pre-injury activities: sleeping, using his litter box and sleeping.

The images below is just a sampling of some of the notable exhibitors of the ED Tradeshow of 2009.

It’s tough to argue that BC is one of the toughest kitties we’ve ever seen -- at least it was tough until we saw the other cat with an arrow through its head. Seriously, it’s time to cut off someone’s catnip and stop using the William Tell overture for catnap music.

To see MORE of My work, visit: http://users.adultspace.com/ MSMORE.

Spiritual Women Have the Most Sex

Women who find peace in prayer and meditation, and who believe in interconnectedness between all humans, tend to have more sex. Researchers tested young adults for spirituality, as well as other factors such as impulsiveness, traditional religious belief and attitudes toward alcohol. They found that, in women, spirituality is strongest predictor of number of sex partners, frequency of sex and tendency to engage in intercourse without a condom. However, spiritual men actually had less sex than their counterparts. Sadly, the study provided no suggestions on the best places to meet spiritual women. So in the meantime, just assume they’re recommending church.

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Did I Ever Tell You The One About... And other strange oddities of the world

Cops: Woman Fried, Ate Goldfish He was tied up and pistol-whipped when at least three intruders broke into his Columbus-area Amid Fight With Ex Authorities say a Houston-area woman who was burned up at her former common-law husband fried their pet goldfish and ate some of them. Pasadena police say it’s a civil matter and no charges will be filed. The seven goldfish were purchased together by the couple during happier times. Police spokesman Vance Mitchell says the man reported on Saturday that the woman took the goldfish from his apartment. Mitchell says the two argued earlier about some jewelry the man had given her but took back. She wanted the jewelry returned. Officers who were dispatched to the woman’s home arrived to find four fried goldfish on a plate. The woman said she already ate the other three.

Bangladesh Awards Farmer Who Killed 83,000 Rats

Bangladesh on Wednesday awarded a farmer who killed more than 83,000 rats and launched a monthlong campaign nationwide to kill millions more, to protect crops and reduce the need for food imports. Mokhairul Islam, 40, won a first prize of a color television for killing some 83,450 rats in the past nine months in Gazipur district near the South Asian country’s capital, Dhaka. He collected their tails for proof. “I am so happy to get this honor,” Islam told The Associated Press after receiving a 14-inch television and a certificate amid cheers at an official ceremony packed with 500 farmers and officials. “I had no idea that the government gives prizes for this.” Officials say the impoverished nation imports some 3 million tons of food annually, while the Ministry of Agriculture estimates that rodents annually destroy 1.5 million to 2 million tons of food.

Cops: Feces-Covered Nude Man Jumps Into Man’s Pool

A Florida man is facing charges after authorities said he was naked and covered in feces when he broke into a resident’s backyard and jumped into the pool. A Martin County Sheriff’s Office report shows 21-year-old Robert Stark Higgins was charged with burglary to an occupied dwelling, disorderly conduct and misdemeanor theft. The resident told deputies he heard Higgins crash through the screen of his pool and take a splash Saturday night. Authorities said Higgins took a towel and fled. Deputies used a K-9 to track Higgins to a home. Higgins told deputies he had been drinking.

Beaten Ohio Man Is Shot During Self-Defense Lesson

An 80-year-old Ohio man is recovering from a week in which he was beaten during a home invasion and then shot while trying to learn about guns. Ralph Needs says he wouldn’t want anyone to experience what he’s been through.

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home Sept. 20. Needs’ nose was broken and his pickup truck, a computer and credit cards were stolen. Four days later, Needs was shot in the hand during a self-defense lesson. A 9 mm pistol went off as one of his sons was loading it.

Male College Student In Sweden To Pump His Breasts For Three Months To See If He Can Lactate

A male Swedish college student, Ragnar Bengtsson, 26, has begun pumping his breasts at threehour intervals in a 90-day experiment to see if he can produce milk. If he succeeds, he said, it could prove “very important for men’s ability to get much closer to their children at an early stage.” A professor of endocrinology told the daily Aftonbladet that male lactation without hormone treatment might produce “a drop or two,” but suggested that men instead consider offering their breasts to babies as a matter of comfort and warmth, rather than as food. Bengtsson, who will report regularly on his progress via Stockholm’s TV8 channel and the station’s Web site, acknowledged that his timetable would sometimes require that he pump during classes.

Civilization Would Be Doomed If We Were Ever Attacked By Zombies.

If society were ever attacked by zombies, we would probably be doomed, and quickly. That was the conclusion of two university researchers in Ottawa, Ontario, who set up mathematical models hypothesizing zombie attacks as infectious diseases with the well-known characteristics of zombie biology from popular fiction. In fact, according to a July BBC News report, zombies are more threatening than virulent diseases because they can regenerate (unless decapitated or incinerated, of course). More troubling was the researchers’ presumption that zombies move slowly, as in older movies, but in recent fiction, they’re super-quick, making them nearly invincible.

Miss Singapore World Resigns After Lingerie Fraud Beauty queen Miss Singapore World has given up her crown after it emerged that she had stolen credit cards to go on a shopping spree for lingerie. Ris Low had come under public pressure to be stripped of her 2009 title, after local media reported she stole seven credit cards last year while working at a medical clinic, buying goods worth about S$8,000 ($5,662) including gold anklets and phones. Organizers of the pageant ERM World Marketing said she had resigned Tuesday of her own accord. She will no longer represent Singapore at the Miss World finals to be held in South Africa in December, but her replacement has not yet been decided. Low had also been criticized for her poor English, mispronouncing “bikini” in a recent video, leading others in multicultural Singapore to spring to her defense and soul-searching on websites about the national character.

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News, Rumors and Gossip Texas Court To Hear Gay Divorce

A Texas judge ruled Thursday that two Dallas men married in Massachusetts may divorce in the state, The Dallas Morning News reported. The ruling by Texas District Judge Tena Callahan was quickly criticized by conservative Republicans who support the gay marriage ban placed in the state’s constitution by voters in 2005. “The laws and constitution of the State of Texas define marriage as an institution involving one man and one woman,” Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott said in a statement. “Today’s ruling purports to strike down that constitutional definition – despite the fact that it was recently adopted by 75 percent of Texas voters.” Governor Rick Perry, who supports the ban, called the ruling “flawed.” Abbott said he would appeal the ruling “to defend the traditional definition of marriage.” In her ruling, Judge Callahan said the state’s ban on gay marriage violates the U.S. Constitution. “This is huge news. We’re ecstatic,” Peter Schulte, a lawyer representing one of the men, said. The men married in Massachusetts in September 2006. One of the men, identified only as J.B., said the couple had been together 11 years and that the breakup was painful. He filed for divorce in January, citing “discord or conflict of personalities.”

Obama Not Ready To Tackle Military Gay Ban, Says Adviser

President Obama is not ready to tackle the military’s ban on open gay service, National Security Adviser James Jones told John King on CNN’s State of the Union. Democrats in the House, led by Pennsylvania Representative Patrick Murphy, have already introduced a bill that would repeal the 1993 law that forbids gay and lesbian service members from revealing their sexuality at the risk of losing their jobs. A Senate version is rumored to be in the offing. In a letter addressed to the president last week, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, a Democrat from Nevada, urged the White House to move quickly to end the law, also known as “don’t ask, don’t tell.” “As Congress considers future legislative action, we believe it would be helpful to hear your views on the policy,” Reid wrote in a letter addressed to the president. “I therefore request that you bring to Congress your recommendations on DADT (don’t ask, don’t tell).” Jones, however, said Sunday that the time was not right. “The president has an awful lot on his desk,” Jones answered King, who asked, “Is it time now?” “I know this is an issue that he intends to take on at the appropriate time. He has already signaled that to the Defense Department. The Defense Department is doing the things it has to do to prepare, but at the

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right time, I’m sure the president will take it on.”

HustlaBall New York Celebrates 11th Anniversary

Every year HustlaBall, presented by Rentboy.com, brings porn stars, hustlers, hookers, pimps, streetwalkers, flesh peddlers and other scandalous sorts to the stage and dance floor under one New York City roof. On Oct. 11, the 11th annual gay extravaganza, themed “Pornotopia,” will take over Club Rebel from 11 p.m. to sunrise. The sex-drenched celebration of decadence has come a long way from its humble beginnings in 1998 as a one-night party. Twenty-two events later—in cities including New York, Los Angeles, Las Vegas, Berlin and London—HustlaBall is not only one of the raunchiest events on the dance circuit, it is also one of the hottest. What originally was intended as a “sex cabaret” for erotic artists and exhibitionists has morphed over the years into a mega-party, where adult content is presented in a large public space for the amusement, shock and awe of international audiences. This year, the “Queen of Porn,” Chi Chi LaRue, will host the evening from the VIP Lounge, where she will DJ and direct an army of performers. The main stage will feature performances by more than 30 international erotic performers including Logan McCree, Vinnie D’Angelo, Allanah Starr, Nick Capra, Ryan Raz, Ricky Sinz, Matan Shalev and Jason Tyler. FabScout Entertainment plans to introduce a horde of new performers to the crowd. Stage costuming will be provided by fetish experts Leather Man NYC and Rufskin. In addition to LaRue, five other DJs will hold court over four stages: Leomeo of Paris, Jack Chang of London, Rich King of Snaxx, Drew G and DJ DeMarko. Non-porn performers include cabaret star and vocal legend Joey Arias of the show Arias with a Twist and Cirque du Soleil’s Zumanity. Arias will kick off HustlaBall with a live musical performance accompanied by choreographed dancers. The night also will include emcee Lady Fag and host Diesel Washington, as well as numerous downtown celebutantes, burlesque legends and pundits on the red carpet, with live interviews by Angel Benton and Robin Byrd. At HustlaBall, you can forget the go-go boys you would normally see at a gay party. Here, you are more likely to see triple-X podium sex with involving one to five guys at a time. HustlaBall brings together porn stars and top escorts from around the world as a showcase for new and emerging erotic talent. HustlaBall takes place at the cavernous ’70s disco Club Rebel, one of the few venues left in Manhattan where a no-holds-barred stage show is possible. This year’s HustlaBall New York is a charity event for Spread Magazine, a periodical advocating the rights of sex workers and erotic performers. A donation of $5 from each regular ticket and $10 from each VIP ticket will benefit Spread Magazine’s parent organization, Sex Workers Outreach Project. For more information or to obtain tickets, visit HustlaBall.com.

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: EMPLOYMENT : EMPLOYMENT : EMPLOYMENT : EMPLOYMENT : CLUBS CLUBS Escorts Escorts

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Will Austin Become 'Liberty Central' or 'Little Washington?'

Vasectomy Can Lead To More Enjoyable Sex, Agree 48% Of Men

by Russell D. Longcore Recently by Russell D. Longcore: The Stockholm Syndrome For States

(Here’s an interesting article our contributor, Richard Harmon sent in for those of you interested in Texas succeeding from the USA. - Ed.)

Keynesianism before its life even begins. No government in the history of mankind has devalued its money and survived. Not One.

The Texas Nationalist Movement is working hard to sell secession to its fellow Texans. And some state here in the not good ol’ US is eventually going to succeed at seceding. But there are a lot of very complicated issues facing any state that will have to be settled in advance.

4. Courts system – Will the new Texas begin with a clean slate, or will it adopt the corrupt American court precedents existing today? You can predict that entrenched interests in the legal system will attempt to tie up the secession in court forever. Where will Texas find judges that are pro-secession? Will Texans allow themselves to be drawn into Federal legal battles when the US should have no jurisdiction in secession?

Texas has as good a chance at secession success as any...maybe even better. They have a long tradition of independence, having fought for that independence from Mexico in 1836. But in reality, Texas was only a nation for nine years! They lost their minds in 1845 and assumed their place in American statehood. They’ve been a subservient state for 164 years. But at least they WERE a nation before becoming a state. Everyone makes mistakes. Forgive them. So Texas could have the chance of becoming a new nation. But will Austin, the state capitol, become a beacon of liberty for the rest of the world, or simply a smaller version of Washington DC? 24.6 million people live in Texas. Let’s estimate that half are registered voters. If the Nationalists can get a referendum for secession on a state-wide ballot someday, then about 6.2 million Texans will have to vote "Yes" for secession. That’s a pretty tall order. Not impossible, but daunting. But that’s when the work begins. The leaders of New Texas will need a brain trust of legal minds, economists and policy strategists that can assist them as they take their first steps into a very new world. I recommend to those New Texas leaders that they put The Mises Institute on their speed dial. The Mises Institute is a liberty-promoting, free market think tank in Auburn, Alabama. The faculty and staff are the most cutting-edge thinkers on earth today. Listed below are just 20 of the issues that Texans would have to settle in order to build a new nation. 1. A formal Declaration of Independence and Secession would have to be written and ratified, likely by the legislature and signed by the Governor. A date for presenting that document to someone like the sitting US President would have to be chosen. 2. The actual form of the new government must be chosen. Will it be a Constitutional Republic...a Parliament...what? Remember that this is a new constitution for a single nation, not a confederacy of nations. The new constitution doesn’t need to be articles of confederation, but should be more like the Virginia Constitution of 1776 or the Swiss canton system. 3. Will all the existing politicians in Texas have to stand for election in the new government? The present legislators in Austin may be infected with statism and opponents of sovereignty. I nominate Ron Paul as the first President of New Texas. 4. Monetary policy is the keystone of the new nation. All commerce, and the very existence of New Texas hangs on this one issue. But if Texas decides to adopt any monetary policy other than 100% gold dollar, it will have swallowed the poison pill of

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5. What method of tax collection will the new nation choose? Any income tax will likely foment yet another revolution. 6. There are a lot of Federal lands and military bases in Texas. Will the new nation buy them from Washington or simply confiscate them? And why should the New Texas national government presume that it should own the former Federal lands and bases? Should they not be sold to private parties? 7. The new Texas will have to create an immigration policy. Not only is there the existing problem with the Texas/Mexican border, but hundreds of thousands of Americans will want to relocate to Texas to take part in the birth of the new nation. 8. Millions of Texans presently receive Social Security benefits of some sort. What will happen to their benefits after secession? Will Washington cut them off in retaliation? Will Texas assume that obligation? 9. Privatization of state services – will Texas try to set up new bureaucracies to deliver mail, collect the taxes, etc? The free market always performs better than government, and no compelling reason can be made for government service. 9. Law Enforcement is already entrenched in every niche and corner of Texas. Will the new Texas continue with the failed War on Drugs, or recognize that drugs are morally equal to alcohol and lift its prohibition? 10. What will the New Texas do about a military? Will it embrace a national militia like Switzerland, or establish Army, Navy, Air Force and Marines? 11. Foreign policy issues will involve border states and other sovereign nations. Will New Texas make the same foreign policy blunders that Washington loves to make? 12. Will New Texas assume the liability of a Medicare/Medicaid system? 13. Will New Texas protect religious liberty and eschew religious subsidy? After all, there is no practical reason that religious organizations and churches should enjoy tax-free status at the expense of the rest of the population. This issue will be decided as New Texas forms tax policy. 14. Insurance makes the world go around. New Texas will need the wisdom of Solomon in its Department of Insurance to properly regulate insurance companies. 15. Securities law must be enacted. But copying the corrupt FTC and SEC won’t work.

16. How many of the existing US Cabinet offices will find a place in the New Texas government? New Texas would probably run fine without most of the unconstitutional bureaucracies operating in Washington today. Copying Washington won’t work. 17. Texas is a microcosm of all the environmental issues facing America today. The "greenies" will fight hard to continue some of the dumb environmental laws in New Texas. They have money and they are patient. 18. New Texas will have to make an early decision on public education. Will New Texas continue the failed policies of the federal Department of Education and the deathgrip of the teacher’s unions? 19. Texas has great colleges and universities. What will happen to them when Federal money dries up? More importantly, will Texas football teams be thrown out of American football conferences and the BCS? God help us. 20. New Texas will need an intelligent Energy policy which embraces nuclear energy, oil and gas, and alternative sources. Texas must throw off the American regulations that prohibit new nuclear power plants. 100% of the electricity for New Texas should come from nuclear power. New Texas has the real chance to become the freest place on earth. But it won’t achieve that status if it simply becomes Washington West. The reason for secession is Washington and statism. The men and women crafting a New Texas must keep their vision of liberty in our lifetimes always before them as they do their holy work. DumpDC...Six Letters That Can Change History. October 3, 2009 Russell D. Longcore [russlongcore@bellsouth.net ] owns www.InsuranceQuoteHQ.com in Marietta, Georgia. He is married to "his redhead" Julie, and has three wonderful children, and three even more wonderful grandchildren. Copyright © 2009 Russell D. Longcore Russ, You missed a glaringly obvious problem which will also need be addressed - and with it several other related issues: #21. Will we get back all of the original land / property that was then a part of the Republic of Texas? These lands are now a part of Mexico, New Mexico & Colorado. How will this be resolved? #22. Will we allow other states(or even nations) to join our new country? On what terms / under what conditions? Mexico could well be better off were it part of the New Republic of Texas! #23 Will Texas become one or several countries? Would some parts wish to remain part of the US? I suspect you not being a Texan, you might not be aware how different people are from each other in differing parts of the State. #24 A sound leader is vitally important to a new government. Would Kinky Friedman be our First(new) President with Willie Nelson as V.P.?(grins) Sincerely, Richard Harmon author, shade tree philosopher, deviant, and Texan

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Nearly half (48%) of men agree that having a vasectomy can lead to more enjoyable sex, because it removes the fear of your partner becoming pregnant, according to new independent research conducted by YouGov Plc and launched today by leading sexual health agency Marie Stopes International. Yet despite the chance for an improved sex life, the majority (85%) of men who have not had a vasectomy stated that they were not likely to ever consider having one. This reluctance could be due to common concerns and myths about the procedure: 8% of men questioned wrongly believed that vasectomy could lead to impotence, and one in 10 (10%) men considered vasectomy makes you less of a man. “I constantly encounter misunderstanding about vasectomy,” explains Debi Hammond, Vasectomy Manager at Marie Stopes International. “Men and women often express concern that the treatment will have a negative impact on a man’s sexual performance. However, having a vasectomy does not affect your hormones, ejaculation or orgasm so there is no reason why it should have a negative impact on your sex life.” The main reasons men choose to have a vasectomy are that they have completed their family and have decided to take responsibility for contraception. When asked, more than three quarters (79%) of men disagreed contraception should be a woman’s responsibility. However, approximately one in five men (17%) suggested that they would expect to feel considerably/ extremely embarrassed during the vasectomy procedure. “Vasectomy is a very common, safe treatment that can take as little as 10 minutes, leaving little time for embarrassment!,” says Debi. “Most men are able to return to work within a couple of days, and to sporting activities within a few weeks. I hope that men considering a vasectomy will seek further information during Vasectomy Awareness Week, so that we can eradicate some of the common misconceptions about this straightforward procedure”. The research of over 1,000 British men, found that almost one in five respondents (19%) had undergone a vasectomy. This is in line with international data which suggests that British men are amongst the most prolific users of this method of permanent fertility control in the world.

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