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METRO ANE

MAGAZINE

Voted America’s #1 Adult Weekly

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METRO ANE

MAGAZINE

Voted America’s #1 Adult Weekly

www.METROANE.com

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Editor In Distress Well, it was bound to happen. My car decided to call it quits on me. All the belts broke, it overheated, ripped a hole through the water reservoir and I’m pretty sure the water pump is toasted. So, now I’m car less and if I decided to go get my car, it’s two hours away. Yes, you read that correctly. My car stranded me in the middle of nowhere. Two hours west of Ft. Worth and a hour east of Abilene. Luckily my room mate was able to pick me up, but it was a long boring wait. Now my parents understand why I haven’t come to visit lately, because I don’t trust my car. It’s old and now headed to the junk yard. You were a good car and will be missed. Just ignore all the mean remarks grandpa will say. You were always worth more than a quarter. (My grandfather still doesn’t understand inflation and can’t believe I paid over a nickle for my motorcycle.) If I only had my motorcycle license and my bike tagged, than I would have a way to scoot around town, but it isn’t and I feel like such a poser. Today would be a good day for a beer and some hot ladies. Maybe I can convince Sheila into stopping by The Lodge or Spearmint Rhino for a happy hour drink. Or talk a buddy into grabbing a case of cheap beer and hitting a byob club like XTC or Bombshell’s tonight. Though I should (I really should) be good tonight, since my room mate is moving to Portland this week and we are throwing him a going away party Wednesday. I’ll decide on this later.

Metro ANE Magazine 2462 Walnut Ridge St. Dallas, TX 75229 Phone: 214-638-6397 Fax: 214-638-2232 www.metroane.com Publisher: Ali Stout ali@anemagazine.com Production Manager: Russell Craig sales@anemagazine.com Editor: Gil Russell gil@anemagazine.com Inside Sales: Sheila Blue sheila@anemagazine.com Outside Sales: Colleen Morgan colleen@anemagazine.com Contributors: Richard Hunter, Gil Russell, Colleen Morgan, Pat “Two Dogs” Snow, Scotty Mankoff, OJ Tobias, Mike Wilshin, Jayson Champion, Chapel Waste, Misha Morê, Richard Harmon, Vivienne Vermuth, Blake and Zamra Contributing Photographers: Mike Wilshin, Misha Morê, DV8 Questions or comments about the magazine can be sent to editor@anemagazine.com. Questions about advertisemet may be directed to sales@anemagazine. com.

Like I mentioned last week, two of my favorite tattoo artists, Nick Ley and Chandler Foley, are having an art show at The Cavern Wednesday, July 29 with live bands, Akkolyte and Maleveller, plus DJ Wild Bill. Artwork from Enrique and Jorge Perez will also be shown. If I can get a ride, I’ll probably stop by to see Maleveller. They are badass! They sound like old Metallica and Motorhead mixed with Mastodon. The Cavern is located at 1914 Lower Greenville in Dallas. One of the managers of Spearmint Rhino Dallas, Jameson Gilvarry, has been promoted to the Las Vegas location. Congratulations! If you didn’t know, he DJ’s on the side and will be performing at his going away party at Plush this Saturday, Aug. 1. You can download a free mix of his at http://www.beezo.net. Plush, 1400 Main St., Dallas. Also, Spearmint Rhino Girl of the Year, Christina Aguchi, is performing this weekend at Spearmint Rhino Dallas. Call 214-902-0700 for more info. Check her out at http://www.therhinogirls.com. Dawn Rizos and The Lodge are featured in the new issue of Exotic Dancer Club Bulletin. The article is about Dawn’s yearly party she throws for all workers. I can’t wait to see the Michael Jackson impersonator, Edward Moss at their “Back To The 80’s” VIP party on Tuesday, Aug. 18. Oh, if you like what our contributors write, they would really like to hear from you. -Gil Tha Thrill gil@anemagazine.com (Picture by Scotty Mankoff)

The Lodge - Edward Moss, the world’s leading Michael Jackson impersonator, will make his first visit to Dallas since the singer’s passing to host The Lodge’s “Back to the ‘80s” VIP Party on Tuesday, August 18. Spearmint Rhino - July stimulus package: $5 bikini table dances all day and nite. Feature appearance by Christina Aguica, porn star and Spearmint Rhino Girl of the Year, July 30-August 1. Club Onyx - $7 T-bone and baked potato on Wednesday. Ms. Peaches Famous Soul Food Buffet free every Friday from noon to 3pm. 10557 Wire Way, Dallas Silver City - Free Vegas style buffet on Tuesdays and Thursdays 11am-2pm. 7501 Stemmons, Dallas. King’s Cabaret - $10 table dances and $3.50 wells and domestic beers from 11am-4pm. 1602 Market Center Blvd, Dallas. Bombshell Cabaret - $5 cover from 6-8pm. $10 dances and cover Sunday thru Thursday. BYOB. 2444 Walnut Ridge, Dallas

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MAGAZINE

Voted America’s #1 Adult Weekly

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It’s Hard To Find a Good Donkey Show The Weekly Adventures Of OJ Tobias The last time I saw Kim Lenz was at the now-defunct Shim Sham Club in New Orleans in 2004. My band The Necro Tonz had played there the night before, and I was sitting at the bar waiting for my band mates to come get me and the gear. About four Bloody Marys into said wait, Kim and her Jaguars at the time arrived and started loading in their gear for their show there that evening. Since we knew each other from the Dallas music scene (and as sister redheads), we chatted for a bit, and she told me about her move from Big D to California. Later I had heard that she had put her guitar back in its case to raise her son and take a break from her hectic 200+gig a year touring schedule, and didn’t blame her one bit. Every once in awhile I would get the hankering for her fiery brand of femme fatale rockabilly, put her CD The One and Only on the player and crank it for a bit of empowerment. So imagine my surprise last weekend when I saw posters at the Double-Wide announcing her upcoming show there this coming Friday, July 31st for her return to Dallas! She’s back in support of her brand spankin’ new Riley Records release, It’s All True!, and I cannot wait! Backing her on guitar are her former Jaguars Nick Curran, bassist Jake Erwin, and drummer S c o t t y Tecce, and it’s going

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to be like taking a trip in the Wayback Machine. The house will be packed with cats in rolled up jeans, bike chains and pompadours, and the girls are gonna be in their finest flaringest rockachicky tartlet best... If you haven’t heard Kim play and sing, imagine Elvis Presley were born a girl and raised by Wanda Jackson. The gal has the gift of the turn of a phrase, and she sure can sling six strings. Add to that fact that she is one of those kittens who can change from purr to snarl within a blink of nn eye, and you are in for a treat! My advice is get to the Double-wide,3510 Commerce at Main/Canton, a s early as you can... hey, Happy Hour is 5:00-8:00 Monday–Friday with $2.00 wells & domestics and $1.00 off calls/ premiums so it’s not like there won’t be anything to do. It’s gonna be swingin’ room only! Opening the show will be The Monco Poncho. Admission is $10. www.myspace.com/thedoublewidebar www.myspace.com/kimlenzrockabilly

Now that I am an eligible bachelor again I need to find me some more of that at home stuff. So I figured a personal ad would be the bomb. Please feel free to send your nude photos or pictures of shit you own that I can have to the craigslist e-mail below:   LOOKING FOR THAT SPECIAL LADY Reply to: pers-wvmcf-1110397394@craigslist.org Date: 2009-07-20, 6:47PM I am looking for a special lady to spend my life with. When I say special I mean borderline retarded. I want a women that is so goddamn dumb that she is under doctors orders to wear a football helmet 24/7 to prevent her from accidentally hurting herself. In fact, if you are actually reading this post you are probably too f**king smart. If someone is reading this to you, then you’re my girl! Also, let them help you reply for you. Thank them when they are done and go watch Nickelodeon until I reply. Other than that, she also needs to be fine as hell. Must have all of her teeth and enjoy getting me beer, Ohh send a nekkid photo. Location: Arlington it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests Original URL:http://dallas.craigslist.org/mdf/m4w/1110397394.html   I posted that last week... and guess what? That craigslist shit did not work out at all. In fact, I got more f**king hate e-mail than I usually get. Plus Colleen was all jealous, calling me a loser. Gil keeps telling me, “One more week, Oj. That is all you got. I am sure the FCC or somebody holy is going to f**k you up.” I am an artist.

www.myspace.com/ojtobias

DJ Mr. Rid has moved Scaraoke back to Expo Park, this time on Wednesdays and to the Fallout Lounge, 835 Exposition in Dallas. Hate to end the column on a sad note, but MODA, Dallas’ oldest surviving altclothier, is closing its doors. Au revoir, Donny. Thanks for bringing black lipstick and Manic Panic to this redneck city of ours. Fuck Hot Topic! -Your Rock Slut 4ever

Voted America’s #1 Adult Weekly

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Live Shows and Events Double-Wide (myspace.com/thedoublewidebar) Fri. 07/31: Kim Lenz & The Jaguars, The Monco Pancho Sun. 08/02: Soulful Sunday with DJ Slim Tue. 08/04: Beauner Jamz O’RILEY’S (www.myspace.com/orileys2003) Fri. 07/31: Black River Crows, The Story Changes, Fusillade, Close Enough, Seven Strings Sat. 08/01: Dead Beat Poetry, King of the Rabbit Trails, The Farstar, A Modern Sidewalk, Grassfight Reno’s Chop Shop (myspace.com/renoschopshop) Every Wednesday: DJ Virus spins 80’s Every Thursday: Jerry Rutherford Spins Rock Fri. 07/31: Motley Crue Tribute: Girls, Girls, Girls Sat. 08/01: Torch Entertainment Showcase Lola’s Saloon (myspace.com/lolasfortworth) Fri. 07/31: William Fitzsimmons, Jenny Owen Young SKILLMAN STREET BAR (www.myspace.com/skillmanstreetbar) Fri. 07/31: Blaze of Glory, Dirty Little Mouth, Smooth Choopy, The Hot Hello Sat. 08/01: Rivethead, Amer. Lab Rat, Ruin the Rival, Grim & Obsidian Sun. 08/02: Fresh Meat Night Poor David’s Pub (www.poordavidspub.com) Wed. 07/29: Rhett Butler, Billy McLaughlin Fri. 07/31: 100 Monkeys(late show) Bobby Long, Marcus Foster Sat. 08/01: Once In A Blue Moon Tue. 08/04: Modern Day Escape The Curtain Club (www.curtainclub.com) Fri. 07/31: Stewart Mann & The Statesboro Revue, Marcus Woolverton, Blue Condition, Reef Sat. 08/01: Wumb, Faint The Fiction, The 12th Of Never

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The Liquid Lounge (In The Curtain Club) Fri. 07/24: Viz, Fats Sat. 08/01: Robert Jones, A Valiant Effort, Rad Wolf, The Simple Pages SONS OF HERMANN HALL (www.sonsofhermann.com) Tue. : Blues ‘n’ the Night, Wed.: Swing Dance Thu.: Electric Campfire Acoustic Jam Sat. 08/01: Argentine Tango Dance LAKEWOOD BAR AND GRILL (www.lbgdallas.com) Wed. 07/29: Greg Whitefield, Waiting For One, Blake Martin, Emmeline Miles Thur. 07/30: Buckfast Superbee, The Steps, Rescue Signals, Doublethink Fri. 07/31: Ray Johnston Band, Mama Sweet, Kenny C And The Red Dirt Band Sat. 08/01: Benzley, Make 10, Dempsey THE PEARL (www.pearlatcommerce.com) Wed. 07/29: Rick Yost and The Sofakings Thu. 07/30: The Gypsy Hideout Fri. 07/31: Walter Trout, Chris Watson Band Sat. 08/01: Eddie Turner Mon. 08/03: Miss Marcy and her Texas Sugar Daddies Tue. 08/04: The Rebel Alliance Jazz Ensemble MUDDY WATERS (myspace.com/muddywatersongreenville) Fri. 07/31: Jackie Don Loe Sat. 08/01: Punkart CLUB DADA (www.clubdada.com) Thu. 07/30: Sidekick Mafia, Andrew Delaney, The Jones Fri. 07/31: Tim Mank, Kelly Vaughn Sat. 08/01: Ghoultown, Opium Symphony, The Bastardos De Sancho Sun. 08/02: Corey Jackson, Love Sick Mary, Street Light Suzie THE GOAT (7248 Gaston Ave., Dallas 214-327-8119) Fr. 07/31: Luau Larry & The Sandcrabs

aAin't Nothin' But a G-Stringc So, how many of you went to Atomic Frolic burlesque revue at the Lakewood Theater? I want to hear your stories, tidbits, and see your pictures! Send to vforermuth@gmail. com, I eagerly await the tales of intrigue! As you know, I was a panty wrangler, along with Bunny Bailey, and it was a blast! The cast and crew put on an amazing show, and LaDivina and Diamond Jim really pulled out all the stops! Definitely head over to www.ladivinaburlesque.com and check out the next show, Burlesque Nocturne (Oct.. 23) featuring Kalani Kokonuts, Miss Exotic World 2009! Her routines and costumes are BREATHTAKING, do not miss the chance to see her live But fret not, my lovelies, I have other means of whetting your burlesque appetite before October!

and tell’em the Vermuth sent you!

Saturday, Aug. 8th, Glam ‘Amour and Pixie O’Kneel will team up again to bring you another Bewitching Burlesque Revue - with a twist! This show is also a masquerade ball, complete with judging panel and prizes tor different categories, such as Most Debonair costume and Most Bewitching! Judges include the Jennifer of Jupiter Moon 3 Corsets, Rocio Velma (professional MUA to Through the Looking Glass Studios) and many more! I’ve heard about many great costumes being assembled... so get yours together! This show will also feature some of the biggest names in the South - Black Mariah, Ruby Joule, and Ginger Valentine! Also performing is Michelle Manx, Erin GoBraughless and Benni Atchison (from Austin), Elisa of Ruby Revue, Aviva Volla, Bubbles Von Bon Bon, Pixie O’Kneel, Trixie Toxic, Scarlett Rosa Royale and Glam’Amour (of Dallas). In line with Bewitching tradition, these are also shows to catch the newest talent as well, aptly named, “debutantes”. The ones to watch are Jade Pearl and Bunny Bailey, they are sure to tease! With this stunning lineup and the excuse to “dress to excess”, there’s no excuse but to see you there. You can find the rules to the costume contest and tickets at http://bewitchingburlesque. blogspot.com or http://www.myspace.com/bewitchingburlesque. There will also be some of the finest fare makers in our great state - including Jupiter Moon 3 Custom Corset’s (she is amazing, check out http;//www.jupitermoon3.com for her work) and Decadent Dame Designs (http://www.decadentdamedesigns.com), who makes gorgeous vintage hair accessories, including feather fans that I am obsessed with! Be sure to see what they have to offer,

Lastly, if you are in the Austin area this weekend, come out to the Hideout Theater on July 29th at 9 PM, I will be headlining Big Star Burlesque’s Intimate Night of Burlesque Classics, featuring the ladies of Big Star Burlesque (http://www.bigstarburlesque.com), Sin O‘Riita, Cora Coquette, Bubbles Von Bon Bon, and many more! I will be debuting a new routine, so don’t miss out! Tickets are available at http://www.bigstarburlesque.com!

Voted America’s #1 Adult Weekly

Also, for those of you ladies who wish to release your inner burlesque queen (and maybe end up in a Bewitching Burlesque Revue?), Ginger Valentines Burlesque Charm School is getting ready to gear up again for classes! They go from Level One to Four, and cover all bases such as history of burlesque, technical terms (see bump and grind), makeup tips, boa tricks, and other knowledge that a burlesque gal needs to know. Housed in the famed Girl’s Room in Dallas, these classes are sexy, fun and easy for anyone to enjoy! Contact Ginger at http://www.myspace.com/burlesquecharmschool or http://www.girlsroom.us for information and class dates! Also, gents — these classes make a fantastic gift to the girlfriend, wife, mistress, etc., and best of all YOU reap the awards! Who DOESN’T want to live with a sex kitten?

Until next time, my darlings, cheers! Vivienne Vermuth http://vforevmuth.blogspot.com myspace.com/blue_phreak20 (Vivienne picture by Miss Missy)

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Richard Hunter hosts The Richard Hunter Show on AM 1360 Dallas, weekday afternoons 4-6pm.

IF YOU LOVE FOOTBALL MORE THAN YOUR DOG, own coworkers acknowledged that what Vick did was despicaTHERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU ble, but resigned to the fact that in the pocket.

This week NFL commissioner Roger Goodell reinstated shamed dog murderer Michael Vick. Vick was released from his home confinement last week, where he has been serving out the remainder of a twenty-three month sentence for running a dog fighting operation and engaging in interstate gambling. When first confronted with the charges, he blamed an ungrateful cousin whom he claimed he supported and had left unattended at a Virginia home where the dogs were kept. When Vick’s co-conspirators started turning state’s evidence on him, he folded like he had been sacked

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Nike thought they would stand by him through trial, until they endured a few days of animal rights protestors picketing outside of their retail stores. As it turned out, there would be no trial. Vick tucked his tail between his legs and pled guilty. He filed bankruptcy, and for the twenty-three months that he was incarcerated, his children were better off for it. Now he is free to be a guiding influence in their life. Many of the dogs that Vick terrorized are still in shelters, hoping to one day be ready for adoption but suffering from all manner of physical and emotional issues.

For them, twenty-three months wasn’t enough to move on with their lives. I’ve covered my feelings on Michael Vick before in these very pages. I think that he is a walking liability to humanity, taking up space and bumping into things until someone gets hurt. What I am more alarmed by these days are the reactions from many football fans. When I said on my show that if Vick ever makes one more dollar in the NFL that I would have nothing to do with supporting the league, the looks on the faces of many of my friends amounted to a collective blank stare. It was as if I was suggesting a world without sunlight. One of my very

Voted America’s #1 Adult Weekly

he just “loved the NFL too much” to ever prioritize a moral stance over his Sunday afternoon routine. I spend a lot of time these days being disappointed in humanity for reasons like that. You vote with your dollars, and if you continue to give your money to institutions that breed disregard for cruelty in the name of profit, then you will get exactly the world that you deserve. Trouble is, I’m trying to live here too, and I’m not cutting some Neanderthal slack just because you like the way he throws a football. If you do, then shame on you.

Log on to www.richardhuntershow.com

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METRO ANE SPORTS How ‘bout dat? We’re in the middle of one hell’uva Texas summer, plenty of storms and for doggone sure more than plenty a heat, but here we are. The Cowboys are in training camp. Yessir, the NFL is back in business, and so are we. But you know what, it ain’t been all that bad by a long shot. I don’t mean the soap opera stuff, we’ve had plenty of other excitement to keep our days, and nights, occupado. So’s here’s what we gonna do: we’re gonna get ourselves onto the patio, get the grill broilin’ hot, put some SkipKnot on the tune box, and start firin’ shots across the bow. The Rangers provided far more excitement than most thought was coming, and it looks like they might just keep truckin’. We had some great racing of the two wheeled, four wheeled, and four legged. And we got to see the UFC develop its mixed martial arts, fighting up from the basement to the first floor. Them boys are IN the house. Nope, all in all it’s not been a bad summer, so’s now we can kick back, toast to ourselves for surviving a long one in style, and start getting’ it ready for the up comin’ action. Cheers to ya. How about the Isle of Man TT?

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If you’re surfin’ the guide and come across a channel bar that say’s: Isle of Man TT, I mean, really, what the hell kinda advertising is that? A large part just jump it, another thinks a travel show, another think it’s a potty training course, and a fraction of curiosity seekers click on it.

have been upgraded in this past hundred and two years, perhaps they could upgrade the advertising as well. Not calling it a TT would be a great start. How about the guide bar says Isle of Man M/C race? I know, I know, a bit obvious, but sometimes we have to be bold.

What do they find? This thing’s one of the best motorcycle road races in the world. Over a hun’erd years of m/c racing on the Isle of Man.

By the way, having a camera mounted on the m/c that’s hitting straight course speeds of 160+ mph, then rolling and leaning and front wheel jumping through that course, well, you better have the handle bars installed on your crouch, I mean couch.

What’s the “TT” stand for? Tourist Trophy. Isle of Man Tourist Trophy. The first race was in 1907. The Snaefell Mountain Course is the oldest m/c racing course in the world. The laps are almost 38 miles in length with over 200 bends. It is held annually from the last week of May through the first week of June. They have several classes of bikes including sidecars. If you’ve never watched sidecar racing you gotta see it. Two guys, a motorcycle, and a sidecar, with the “B” man shifting his weight around to keep the bike stable coming into and out of the twists and turns. Doggone good show. Gets you so excited you get to thinkin’ YOU could be out there doin’ it. But, since these guys are runnin’ the course at a hundred plus mphs, you oughta settle down and just enjoy it on HD and have a beer. Since this is a road race, it goes through the mountains but also goes through two towns and little hamlets. These are tiny narrow roads, and some are lined with stone walls or buildings. Because of this, it is also one of the world’s most dangerous races with 226 deaths between the years 1907 and 2009. Since not many people know about this race, and many would suit up in their fire retardant fan clothes to watch this on HD, perhaps today’s organizers could figure out that if m/c’s

You know what we got comin’? Training camp and pre-season for big boys. Right now it’s the NFL, but we got hockey then basketball comin’ our way. What comes along with them? Yeah, yeah, the cheerleaders, but more than that? Of course, people writing in wanting to know about the “talent” and the pro’s. You ever been in a situation where you’re getting’ a “standardized” answer and it ain’t jivin’ with what you’re seein’? Yeah, well, askin’ personnel directors and coaches about talent is just like that. They love to give you the “natural ability”, top skills, and great work ethic speech, but we a long way off from that. What teams are REALLY looking for is someone who’s smart enough to learn the playbook, the “system”, and can function at a physically superior level, that’s their real meaning behind looking for talent. What they don’t want is someone who’ll be creative because that can wreak havoc with a game plan. For the athlete, having to play totally to a system is either liberating or a “dumbing down” process, like being a robot. It’s like trying to

Voted America’s #1 Adult Weekly

sing with someone else’s voice. That’s why you hear the phrase: “to be successful you have to buy into the system”. Well, yeah, that’s true enough, if you can make that other voice your own, you got a great shot at it. I think systems can offer stability, some with very measured success, but I don’t believe they develop the “best”. For example, virtuoso is a highly technical performance, meaning highly skilled and following the order to a “T”. But a superlative performance is the higher level of creativity and exhibited imagination for a superior performance. What’s fascinating is that people have to use their superlative skills to bring a creative new plan to a game, which if successful, will then be adopted by others and become a “system” requiring virtuoso performances. Sweet Mary, I’m gonna have to switch to another type of dog biscuit, that about burned out all my brain cells. Tour de Lance de France. I don’t know what the yellow jersey winner, Contador, brought to the Tour, but Lance brought millions from around the planet to a tour that was suffering hugely from lack of attention. Who knows if Lance will ever win the Tour again, but he’s won the hearts and minds of people from the entire world for his courage and spirit. He’s offered hope to people in a far more serious battle than a bike race, and that’s a greater trophy to put on your mantle. Tour de foot de water de bike.

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METRO ANE SPORTS

Tour de foot de water de bike.

best piece(s) they can to plug in for support.

To all you triathlon athletes out there, here’s a note of precaution. It’s common practice to train for the long distance running and cycling by going out to some west Texas desert areas. Well, you might want to consider your training strategy, or at least bring along a first aid kid with your water.

In basketball, as with all sports, it helps to have at least some kinda plan that makes sense instead of having to do stopgap hiring’s until another season rolls around. IF, as the Mav’s insisted, a majority of the best of the best ball players were wanting to play with Jason Kidd, then where are they?

Seems recently a young nursing student was traveling in to Dallas from Abilene when her young son needed to take a break. While the child was doing his duty by a shrub, out from another bush came a cat, domestic not bob.

Here’s a flash: the Mav’s couldn’t bring the top available players to Dallas because none of them believe in what’s going on here. Unless the Spurs Parker is injured more than we know, the Mav’s won’t challenge for the division and the Spurs will fight for the Conference and Finals.

She tried shooing the cat away, it wouldn’t, it kept advancing and finally charged her, both scratching one arm and biting her other hand. By the time she got back to Dallas she had a temperature, swelling, and streaks going down both arms. Cat’s can carry two ugly forms of diseases, one of which is Cat Scratch, and she’d gotten both of them. Since the cat was not in her possession, it was unable to accurately determine if she’d been exposed to rabies, so she’s had to undergo the complete rabies vaccine series. For this particular young lady, who is also my niece, she almost died from the first shot finding out she was allergic to the vaccine, thus complicating even further her condition. She’s still undergoing treatment and seems to be responding. The point here is, if you’re going to be training in outlying areas where it’s safer from less traffic and trail cloggers, then prudence dictates you take precautions to protect yourself. And this can happen in and around the Dallas area, not just the desert. Tour de Mavericks According to many of you, it seems the Mav’s don’t really have a plan put together as to what they’re trying to do with the team. It now appears as if the Mav’s are simply trying to find whatever

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Flash #2: this year Nowitzki and the rest will fight hard but wear themselves out, and either not make the postseason or exit early. Yeah, the Mav’s are signing people like Gooden to shore up the bench, but they don’t know the system, won’t know it for quite a while, and which of them has the ability of Harris, the player traded for Kidd?

Mixed Martial Arts

The UFC is finally taking its action to Philadelphia this August 8. UFC 101 is staging a prime middleweight (205lb) fight between two champions: Anderson Silva and Forrest Griffin. Silva’s ruled in the middleweight division and Griffin’s was the light heavyweight champ. In a defense of title fight, lightweight (155lbs) BJ Penn (13-5-1) takes on THE number one contender Kenny Florian (13-3). This one oughta be a bloody battle from the gitgo. Why? Florian is taking his second run at the title and has won his last six in a row. Penn is undefeated at the 155lb mark. You’ve got four men who know how to fight, know what’s at stake, and, believe me, know how to bring it. Both of these bouts are what you wait for. In other action: August 9 is WEC 42 with Miguel Torres v Brian Bowles in Las Vegas.

August 29 is UFC 102 with Randy Couture v Antonio Rodrigo. If you like the ladies fights: August 15 is a Strikeforce bout with Gina Carano v Cristiane Santos.

Readers Response: Two Dogs: Why is Terrell Owens complaining about the NFL Commissioner giving Mike Vick game suspensions following his prison term? They’ve been told playing in the NFL is a privilege not a right, and penalties assessed by the NFL are separate and distinct from any possible legal penalties, civil or criminal. Vick deliberately lied to authorities and the NFL about his activities, so he’s earned any and all punishments. Owens just sounds like another spoiled athlete who doesn’t want to be held accountable. My opinion, if you can’t do the time, don’t do the crime. Vic Bedford Vic: Good opinion. TD Two Dogs: I just got HD and man, I’ve never seen anything so good. I thought I was standing on the golf course it looked so real. I can’t wait for football and hockey. I can’t believe they’d ever get anything better than this. Barshon Duncanville Barshon: Yeah, great stuff, but I do know what would make it better: a pillow soft screen that you still get the great picture but you can throw stuff at it and not ruin it. And an aroma button so when you’re watchin’ people tailgate, you can smell what they’re grillin’. Now THAT would be a tv. TD Two Dogs: Why would the Blackhawks take Hossa from Detroit without a physical and now he needs surgery and will miss at least four months? Didn’t

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they sign him for like $60 million dollars? Wasn’t that the dumbest? Torvek Arlington Torvek: Actually Chicago signed Hossa to a 12 year, $62.8 million contract, and swear they knew about the injury before signing. He’s a 30 year old five time All Star. The injury is a tear in his right shoulder rotator cuff which usually requires about four months to fully recover. It was probably a very good trade for Chicago, one that I wish the Stars had looked at, which is a head scratcher why they didn’t. I think teams could do a much better job of explaining these contracts since it’s highly doubtful Hossa can or will be playing when he’s 42, much less for the ‘Hawks. TD Two Dogs: Will the Rangers make the playoffs, maybe as a wild card? Sonjia Frisco

Sonjia: The Rangers made it this far on the strength of their bullpen, which surprised everyone including the bullpen. If this doesn’t cement the necessity for a strong pitching staff inside the heads of Hicks, Ryan, and Daniels, I don’t know what ever would. They got, what, about 60 some games left to play, and the only thing they can do is work to keep this going steady. When the offense wasn’t getting it done, the bullpen still did a good job, but the results were still the same: losses. For this year’s team, they have to have both the offense and the bullpen firing on all cylinders for success. They’re really fun to watch right now, but I still think next year we should go deep into the playoffs. TD The sun may rise in the East and set in the West, but it shines on Texas.

Pat “Two Dogs” Snow twodogs@anemagazine.com

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Nola’s Nuggets

Not Your Ordinary Advice Column Nola, I have noticed that sometimes when I get it on with my man, I leave a big ol’ wet spot on the bed! I know it’s not pee even though we have usually been drinkin’ lots of Milwaukee’s Best. What is it, where does it come from and how come it’s happening now? Oh, and how do I make him sleep on that side of the bed? Swimming in my Sleep Dearest Gentle WetDream Catcher, You ask many deep and important questions and Nola will try to answer each one as thoroughly and scientifically as possible:

Hmmmm....this could be difficult so let’s just look at ways to avoid the mess altogether.  Some suggestions would be: 1. Have sex in the guest room; 2. You get on top and stay there a full 30 minutes after climax to ensure full drainage; 3. Put a bedpan under you; 4. Consider opening a Snapple Stand in the mall; fluids can be our profitable friend. 5.  Consider having sex in the pool where it is all just one big happy wetspot for everybody.                              Sweaty Dreams!     Nola       Hi Nola, Why is it bad to have sex in the pool? It’s hot in Texas and it makes me lazy so I don’t want to get out but I do want to get it on! Floatee69

Firstly, consider drinking straight vodka instead of beer, pop an antihistamine and sit in a dry sauna for 30 minutes in order to reduce your general body fluids.  Well, Gentle Poolwhore, You may also experience some hallucinations at this It is bad for several reasons. point, but sometimes one much choose battles in life. One, it really screws with the pool’s ph level and 1.  What is it and where did it come from? sometimes, even saline pools start getting too acidic. My dear, it is love juice given to mankind as a gift from the tantric Hindu god, Shiva and his goddess, Secondly, horny ones need heavy gauge motor oil to Shakti, when mixed drinks were desired and no stay lubricated in the average Texas pool.  Some find seltzer was nearby.  Later during the fitness craze, the smell of  Havoline Turbo Formula 3 MegaLube the juice was the basis for both Orange Julius and to be distasteful and distracting from the gentle art of later a protein version carried by the Snapple brand. backyard humping.   I do hope this helps with your decisions,  Nola. 2.  How come it is happening now?  Clearly, you must be having sex at this moment.  Do you have a question for Nola? Email Nola 3.  How can I make him sleep on that side of the at NolasNuggets@live.com and she’ll respond through this column. bed?

Ad Puts Naked Butts In Seat

Seat wants to make sure that people in the U.K. don’t equate a family car with being boring, and what better more Latin way to do it than by using happy naked people? The print campaign for the Seat Altea features two “parents” hopping out of their Seat and frolicking on their way to a skinny dipping session. This kind of behavior is apparently called “Seattitude,” and you’ll be brimming with it if you own an Altea (Spanish models not included).

Power Your Car With Pee

A scientist at Ohio University has developed a catalyst capable of extracting hydrogen from urine. That’s right. Urine. Now you can fill one tank while draining another. Garardine Botte claims the device uses significantly less energy than is needed to extract hydrogen from water and says it could power hydrogen fuel cell vehicles in the near future. Her electrolyzer uses a nickel-based electrode to extract hydrogen from urea (NH2)2CO, the main component in urine. Hydrogen is less tightly bound to the nitrogen in urea than to the oxygen in water, so the electrolyzer needs just 0.37 volts across the cell to oxidize the urea, according to Botte. That’s less than half the amount of energy in an AA battery and considerably less than the 1.23 volts needed to split water. One of hydrogen’s biggest stumbling blocks to use as an alternative fuel is the amount of energy needed to produce it. And then there’s the matter of distributing it. Botte says her gadget eliminates such problems because it’s small enough to integrate into an automobile. Urine is also readily available — your body produces two to three liters of it each day, and it is the most abundant form of waste on the planet. We could treat waste water while fueling our cars. “Urea is the same stuff we use to fertilize our

flower beds. It’s a solid that dissolves in water and is therefore easy to move,” Botte told Wired. com. “An electrolyzer built into a car would eliminate the need for a hydrogen storage tank, and with the right partnership, I believe we could have pee-powered cars capable of 60 miles per gallon on the road within a year.” Botte’s current electrolyzer prototype is about the size of a pair of CD jewel cases and can produce up to 500 milliwatts of power. That’s pretty small, but Ohio University has patented the technology and Botte says it could be scaled up to power hybrid and electric vehicles or anything else running on electricity. She says the cost of developing the technology for conventional cars would all depend on what’s powering the car. The electrolyzer would have to pull energy from a power source like a battery in order to produce hydrogen for a fuel cell. Botte also is examining how the electrolyzer could draw the power it needs from a solar panel. Hooking it up to a rooftop solar panel — like the one on the 2010 Toyota Prius — could increase efficiency as much as 40 percent, she said.

Easy Rider Turns 40

The Harley-Davidson Museum is celebrating the 40th anniversary of the movie “Easy Rider” with a special showcase featuring the “Captain America” chopper.

The Milwaukee, Wis. museum is displaying a replica of the modified Harley-Davidson FLH police bike ridden by Peter Fonda’s character “Captain America” Wyatt in the film, originally released in the U.S. on July 14, 1969. There were two original “Captain America” motorcycles used in the production of the film. One was destroyed in the making of the movie and the other was lost. The replica on display was built in 1999 to mark the film’s 30th anniversary. The museum is also displaying other HarleyDavidson themed pop cultural exhibits such as a motorcycle owned by Elvis Presley, a replica of the bike Evel Knievel used in attempting to jump over 13 buses at Wembley Stadium in London, and motorcycles used in the film “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull”.

Upcoming 2009 Events

Fort Worth, Texas - 2009 Shows: Jul 31 and Aug 7 - Scion drag-n-brag at Texas Motor Speedway. Drag-n-brag divisions: Turner, Street Bandit, sportsman and Street Outlaw. Show-n-Shine divisions: Best of Show, Best Classic (1972 or prior years) and Best Current Custom (1973 to current). Costs: (cash only for all fees) Drag racing $20; Show-n-Shine $20; Combo Ticket $30; Spectator Entry $7; Infield Parking $15; Outside parking free. Coolers not allowed in grandstands. Gates open at 6pm. Info: www.​texasmotorspeed​ way.​com or call 817-528-3571. Have a ride or other event you want posted? Send the information to: editor@anemagazine.com

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gorilla gadgets

odd : cool : interesting : insane stuff! Kensington Nightstand Dock Converts hooked up to your MP3 player or laptop. You can connect practically anything with a headphone iPhone In Retro Alarm Clock socket to this little ball of explosive sound usI know at least one more person who sleeps with her iPhone in bed, but for those of you who use your nightstand for more than storing books and handcuffs, this Kensington Nightstand Dock looks like a perfect iPhone accessory.

ing the leads provided and it can be powered by USB or taken on the go with 4 AA batteries. It’s sure to make your party go off with a bang. http://www.iwantoneofthose.com

G.I. Joe DVD Complete Collector’s Set

If the current summer blockbusters didn’t tug on our childhood nostalgia strings enough, Hasbro has announced this complete collectors set just in time for Comic Con. Loaded with over 50 hours of content, this set packs everything but the kitchen sink. When combined with the free Kensington Rise&Shine iPhone app--which shows the time and the weather--it converts your iPhone into a retro-looking bedside alarm clock. Maybe a way too expensive at $40, but it’s a good idea. http://us.kensington.com/html/17448.html

The Forearm Pain Relief Massager

Invented by a licensed massage therapist, this is the forearm massager that can relieve pain associated with carpal tunnel syndrome and repetitive stress injuries in the forearm without medication. The device replicates the Swedish arm massage technique to soothe the inflamed, stiff extensor and flexor muscles that cause forearm pain. Simply place your arm between the compression spring-loaded rollers, turn the dial to your preferred level of tension, and slide your arm back and forth through the cushioned rollers. Two ridges on the upper roller provide a penetrating massage that eases nerve compression and relieves tension in the muscles responsible for hand and wrist movement. The bottom roller’s rubber nodules grip and stretch sore, overworked muscles and tendons. The massager sets up unobtrusively on a desk or table. http://www.hammacher.com

Including: *The original toy commercials *Printable scripts *A collectible 60 page book with introduction by Seth Green( *A 2-GB “Dog Tag” flash drive *2 G.I. silent comics *G.I. Joe Public Service Announcements *Special Arashikage & Cobra tattoos *Limited-edition footlocker *17 DVDs containing 95 episodes Sure to make any fan excited, you’ll be hard pressed to find any more G.I. gear all in one place. Be prepared to pay though as getting your hands on this many pieces of the G.I. Joe universe doesn’t come cheap. If any of you Patroler’s are head to Comic Con, know that the first 350 sets sold at the event will also come with a limited edition lithograph autographed by G.I. JOE: Orgins comic book artist Tom Feister.

Ice Cream Ball

The Big Bang Speaker

Blast out your tunes with The Big Bang Speaker. We’ve seen loads of iPod and desktop speakers in our time but NONE of them have looked as cool as this. It looks like an Inspector Clouseau style bomb (you know the ones we mean) and when it comes to sound it packs a mighty punch. Its innovative design isn’t just for show, either: it’s been designed acoustically so that its two high quality speakers deliver clear and crisp sounds whether you’re

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On your next excursion of the electricity-free variety, throw everyone a curve ball (pun intended) and offer up some freshly made ice cream. Utilizing the power of basic chemistry, the Ice Cream Ball creates ice cream by combining ice, rock salt, and ice cream mix (cream, sugar, and your flavor of choice). Just toss the ingredients into the ball and shake. Voila, Baskin Robbin’s 32nd. www.amazon.com

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Sex In the Newz Germans Urged To Cum On Time

Punctual Germans are being urged to set aside a regular date each week to have sex.

Pubes Around the World I am fortunate to have a network of friends and acquaintances in the industry from places all over the world. Recently, the topic of pubic hair came up. One DJ from the UK mentioned offhandedly that one of his girls had the nickname of “curly muncher”. This sparked curiosity on my part… “curlies”, I said, “You mean that the girls over there don’t shave?”… This led to a robust discussion involving various DJ’s and strippers from around the planet concerning regional pubic fashion in the adult industry. As it turns out, the ‘landing strip’ is standard in the UK. As most of you are likely aware, bald nethers are more prevalent here in Texas. Actually, a clean runway is common from most regions I surveyed. They still maintain a bit of undergrowth in Germany and France, though. I wasn’t able to find anyone from Alaska to ask, so I can only speculate that they keep a bit of fur for warmth in that part of the world. Perhaps one day I’ll find out. Of course, the way my mind wanders, I became retrospective on grooming trends. Back in the 1970’s, it almost seemed that people prided themselves on having a full groinal ‘fro. Looking back at some vintage porn from the 1940’s resulted in similar observations. Conversely, these days most cookies are clean, and it isn’t uncommon for men to prune the base of their tree trunk either. What dramatic cultural shift suddenly made people decide that central deforestation was preferable? Was it the advent of the ever shrinking bikini swimsuit? Perhaps modern safety razor technology had a part to play? Inquiring minds want to know. Naturally, I hit the internet. Turns out that, historically speaking, a grassless playing field is more common. Looking at a number of ancient paintings and sculptures show a distinct lack of bush. It wasn’t until the religious intolerance of sexuality marked by the Victorian era that people stopped grooming their naughty bits. The ancient Egyptians prided themselves in having completely hairless bodies. This fashion trend spread to Greece and then further to the majority of the Western

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world. When you think about it, it does rather make sense. Hygiene wasn’t easy back then. They didn’t have the convenience of modern plumbing. Shaving off body hair would help prevent lice infestations and keep odor to a relative minimum. Of course, we don’t have a huge lice problem these days. Odor is easily cured by hopping in the shower daily. Still, I am happy to see a resurgence in the popularity of curly removal. It makes things more tidy and, of course, allows us to engage in certain types of foreplay without having to pick hairs out of our teeth. One interesting tangent of my research was the discovery of something called a ‘merkin’. A merkin is a pubic wig. It started back in the 1400’s. Women, particularly prostitutes, would shave their coochies to combat pubic lice. They would then wear a merkin to give the appearance of having pubic hair (and to cover up those nasty sores that they had before the discovery of penicillin). You can still purchase merkins online today. They have some rather decorative ones out there, if you want to add something a bit different to your stage routine.

The advice by the country’s top sex therapists was published in German media yesterday saying that it was a myth that only spontaneous sex was any good. The claim was made by top German sex therapist Barbara Balldini and backed up by other German experts such as the Munich-based marriage counsellor and therapist Ariane von Thuengen. Von Thuengen who works for the Pro Familia group said: “Couples should put aside a set time at least once a week - it can have a great effect on the relationship. It’s especially good for busy couples to make sure they include the sex act in their timetables.

Sprite Hit By Fake Sex Act Commercial

YouTube has removed a Sprite ad relating the drink to a sex act after it was revealed as a fake produced by an MTV director as part of a “social experiment”. The TV ad opens with a shot from behind of a girl performing oral sex on man. She stops to say she would like a Sprite whereupon the ad cuts to a side-on shot of her sucking the bottle before it is explodes over her face. The ad uses the Sprite endline of ‘Obey your thirst’.

I’ll leave you with this anecdotal thought, gained from firsthand experience. If you’re a guy and decide to shave your balls… skip the aftershave. It may make the boys smell nice, but they’ll feel like they were doused in gasoline and lit on fire. Not a pleasant experience. Not at all. Don’t believe me? Go ahead and try it. Don’t say you weren’t warned. John J. Dick has been Master of Ceremonies at a number of local Dallas adult cabarets. If you have an idea for a subject you’d like discussed in this article, call John at (972)898-4811. You can follow him on Twitter at twitter.com/johnjdick. And ladies, make sure you tip your DJ well. He tries really hard to take care of you. Make sure you take care of him in return. He has bills to pay too. And don’t expect VIP DJ service if you are only willing to tip him table dance prices. He’ll thank you for the tip with a smile on his face… but he does keep notes.

Use Of Vibrators Common, Surveys Show

Two Indiana University surveys suggest that vibrator use during sexual encounters is common among American men and women and is linked to better sexual health. Dr. Debra Herbenick and colleagues surveyed 2,056 women between 18 and 60 years old and found that more than half of the women (52.5%) had used a vibrator, with nearly 1 in 4 having done so in the past month. Women who used vibrators were more likely to have had gynecologic check up within the past year and were also more likely to have performed a genital self-exam within the past month. In addition, women who used vibrators, and particularly recent users, reported more desire, arousal, lubrication, and orgasm, and less pain. Most women (71.5%) said they never had any side effects associated with vibrator use and side effects that did occur were generally not severe or long-lasting. Dr. Michael Reece and colleagues surveyed 1,047 men, also between 18 and 60 years old and found that, for both solo and partnered sexual activities, 44.8% of the men had used a vibrator at some point in their lives, with 10.0% having done so in the last month, 14.2% within the past year, and 20.5% at some point more than a year ago. “Men who used vibrators, particularly those with recent use, were more likely to report participation in sexual health promoting behaviors, such as testicular self-exam,” Reece and colleagues report.

The ad was quickly pulled from YouTube at the beginning of the week, with the site initially blaming copyright infringement. The ad’s high production values meant there was some confusion over whether it was real. Eventually director Max Issacson came forward and said the ad, which was shot in his house, was intended as an experiment to see how many people would be fooled into thinking it was real.

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In addition, men who reported recent vibrator use scored themselves higher on sexual desire, erectile function and satisfaction with sex and orgasms, than men who did not report recent vibrator use. “The study about male vibrator use,” Reece added, “is additionally important because it shows that vibrator use is also common among men, something that has not been documented before.” “Also, both studies help us to further understand the way in which American consumers are turning to the marketplace for products that promote their sexual health,” Reece said.

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Speeding Driver Was Watching Porn, Police Say

Police who pulled over a motorist on Highway 401 near Port Hope on the weekend say he was watching an X-rated movie while driving 40 km/h over the limit. The OPP received a complaint about the westbound vehicle from another motorist at 12:39 a.m. on Saturday. When an officer from the Northumberland detachment clocked the vehicle at 140 km/h and pulled it over, there was a portable DVD player on the passenger seat, police say. A breathalyzer test found the driver was within the legal limit for alcohol consumption. Efe Osemwegie, 32, of Mississauga is charged with speeding and operating a motor vehicle with a visible television. There have been a handful of porn-driving arrests in the U.S. in recent years. They include a South Carolina man arrested on obscenity charges in 2006 for playing a movie on his in-car video system and, two years earlier, a Schenectady, N.Y., man whose video played on a driver’s side visor but also on headrests clearly visible to other motorists.

Feeling Dirty All About Porn: Releases, News and Stars! excited for Penthouse loyalists to see what we have in store for them.” The issue features interviews with country singer Jason Aldean and comedian David Cross (Year One). Cover girl Gemma Massey and Pet-of-theMonth Taylor Vixen are pictured inside. Penthouse Pets Julie Strain and Aimee Sweet will join Vixen in promoting the Penthouse milestone with various scheduled media appearances.

Antivirus firm Sophos is warning surfers to bypass links promising access to the video because many of the links lead to virus triggers cleverly implanted online by hackers.

It was just over two years ago that we first said hello to Savita Bhabhi, India’s first ever pornstar (albeit, one who existed in illustrated form only). Now, alas, her fans must say goodbye to the desperate Indian housewife. What was it that felled the buxom, bored house-

wife? Nothing more than plain old censorship: the Indian government—who were none too keen on Savita’s rampant sexuality—banned the site from India’s interwebs (being American, we can still see her just fine). Of course, this is India we’re talking about— India, the birthplace of Hinduism—so we suppose there’s always a chance that lovely Savita will return to the people in a reincarnated form. For the sake of all her fans, we’ve got our fingers crossed.

Within hours of the video surfacing on YouTube and other video sites late last week, attorneys for both Andrews and ESPN began issuing takedown notices. The attorneys say they will take legal action against anyone caught distributing the video, which was shot on the sly.

Penthouse 40th Anniversary Issue Out

Penthouse Magazine is celebrating its 40th anniversary with a special collector’s edition doubleissue, available on newsstands July 21. The anniversary issue takes a look back at Penthouse highlights and includes new interviews, articles, and pictorials. “The 40th anniversary issue features the best of Penthouse from yesterday and today,” said executive editor Barbara Rice Thompson. “We are extremely proud of the magazine and

After Dark Nurses West Coast Production

Savita Bhabhi Is Dead, Long Live Alright, I got me some Savita Bhabhi new releases from

Links Promise ESPN Reporter Nude, Deliver Malware Instead

A covert video reportedly shot peephole-style and depicting ESPN reporter Erin Andrews undressing in a hotel room has all but disappeared from the internet, but rumors of the tape’s existence continue to fuel malware infections among the curious.

Janke will receive a severance package of six months salary, or about $50,000, plus health benefits. He and Anabela, who works under the stage name Jazella Moore and is represented by A List Talent, were married last October and have three children. Anabela’s identity was originally outed by porn outlet AINews.com.

Not in Our Town: Porn Star Wife Gets Fla. Official Axed The town manager of Fort Myers Beach was fired in a unanimous town council vote after it was discovered that his wife is a working adult performer.

News outlets nationwide have picked up on the story of Scott Janke’s firing after an emergency council meeting Tuesday night called by Mayor Larry Kiker, who said he’d learned that afternoon of Janke’s wife Anabela’s profession. Council members voted 5-0 to fire Janke “without cause.”

sex between two beautiful ladies. This DVD will be staying my collection. 4 out 5. -Gil Tha Thrill

Badass School Girls 3 Adam & Eve Productions OK, so if old man mike mike is 76% creepy, than I’m 100% dirty old man. I’m not really “old” but I’m getting there. I do feel a kinship with Matthew Mcconaughey character in Dazed and Confused. “You know what I like about high school girls? I get older and they stay the same age”

West Coast Production, who are known for all-black and interracial porn. My first review for them is After Dark Nurses. I love nurses and these nurses got me so hot I had to drive to the clinic for real and I wasn’t too happy with my treatment there. Ha Ha Really, though this 2 disc release rules. I really liked the idea with the content on disc 2. You get a sex only reel, story only reel, cumshot reel, a bonus scene, behind the scenes, raw unedited sex footage and a photo gallery. With most porn, I just want to see the sex, so I really like the sex only, but sometimes the ladies like to watch the whole film and make me suffer with anticipation. I usually have trouble watching a whole disc, cause I get too horny and have to take care of business, but I ended up watching the story only reel and it was pretty interesting in a soap opera way. Basically the story line involves new nurses joining the hospital staff with one of them set to become the new head nurses. This leads to jealousy, betrayal, behind the back plotting and of course... lots of sex! The lovely nurses of this film are Aryana Star, Candice Nicole, Luscious Louis, Staci Adams and Baby Cakes. I would have to say Candice and Baby Cakes were my favorite, but my favorite scene is hands down the girl on girl scene with Aryana and Candice. Steamy, sexy, hot, dirty and any other adjective you want to use to describe

Ha ha no way am I’m that dirty. I do my best to stay at 24 and up but for some reason girls 18-21 always seem to be attracted to me. So, I guess it’s up to me to once again review a porn flick with barely legal girls dressing like high school girls. The first scene is a winner with Hailey Sweet going door to door selling cookies till she meets the bad boy her parents warned her about. The sex is good and not too hardcore, almost romantic. Hailey is super adorable and definitely looks barely legal. Amia Moretti gets the award for the most energetic sex. She’s so small, but had lots of energy. She got it hard and gave back harder. The hottest girl on this release goes to cover girl Stephanie Cane who seduces her older brothers’ friend. I have a thing for dark haired beauty. If only she was pale like Stoya. This scene was my favorite to watch and I needed a break after wards. Surprisingly the blondes, Noime Cruise and Kiara Diane, were at the end. Both scenes were good and I can’t really decide which one I like better. Kiara does remind me a bit of Courtney Cummz, though Noime reminds me of my friends girlfriend and I feel a tiny bit guity for thinking that, but I guess Noime played her party right then cause this girl in question is 20. Thinking dirty thoughts, bad! This is another winner in the school girl genre and actually way hotter than vol.2. 4 out 5. -Gil Tha Thrill

“At no time did we make a judgement call on the activities of Mr. Janke or his wife,” Kiker told the Associated Press. “It’s a matter of how effective he becomes after this situation. How much disruption there is.”

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locations for them.  I’m actually highly honored that I was chosen to help out our U.K operations. How is it going to change your career?  I look at any move in the business as a learning experience.  Each club for Spearmint Rhino will always look and feel the same but the environment around them is always different, so we must adapt to that.  A big move like this will only broaden my view of the industry and give me more knowledge to advance. What changes do you foresee in your life (other than the obvious moving...)?  I have a passion for electro music (he is an internationally acclaimed Dj) and London is a mecca for this.  I can expand more I see Jameson Gilvarry every month into my hobby now, which makes for a when I go to the Spearmint Rhino with the good personal life as well. monthly invoice, we converse and he is one of the clients I truly look forward to seeing. When is your last day at Spearmint Rhino When I phoned him the other day to remind Dallas? August 7th is my last day here at him that the cover for this week’s issue was the Dallas location. due, he informed me that he is heading When are your goodbye parties? At Plush for a huge change in his life, one that will on Saturday, August 1st with myself take him away from us here in Dallas onto and legendary Dallas Dj Willie Trimmer greater heights than ever via a promotion. supplying the tunes.  And then on

What is you new official job title? I will be the Saturday, August 8th at Dallas longest new General Manager of the Spearmint and best after hours party Insomnia... Leo is the man over there.  Rhino, U.K. in  London, England. What transpired to make this promotion Jameson, congrats and best wishes from all occur?  I’ve been with company for of us at Metro ANE! - Your Rock Slut 4ever 9 years and have opened numerous

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Celebrity Adult Star Feature: Carmen Hart By: Ms. Misha Morê Carmen Hart was born and raised in North Carolina and enjoyed a loving and vibrant childhood. In school, she enjoyed everything from softball, cheerleading and student council. But her true passion has always been singing where she frequently took home the top prize for her amazing singing voice. As an established model, Carmen earned a name for herself by winning Miss Hawaiian Tropic at their Regional competition in 2004. She was crowned Easy Riders Magazine’s Fox Hunt winner, Miss June 2005 Pure Gold Calendar and Miss February 2004 in the Sexy Indian Women Calendar. Carmen caught the eye of Wicked Pictures Owner Steve Orenstein who was impressed with her exotic beauty, charming personality, wit and intense drive. He quickly recognized her talent and signed her to a two-year contract making her a Wicked Girl in 2005. Carmen has continued to excel as a dancer as well, winning the Miss Nude 2006 competition. She has also won the titles of Exotic Performer Of The Year 2007, Miss Exotic International 2007, Exotic Dancer’s Newcomer Feature Of The Year 2007 and taking top honors at last year’s Exotic Dancer’s by winning Entertainer Of The Year 2008. Carmen has won several awards including AVN’s 2007 Best Oral Scene and Best Group Scene. Come visit Carmen’s official web site, CarmenHart.com and view personal footage from the life of this celebrity adult star. To see MORE of My work, visit: http:// users.adultspace.com/MSMORE. (Headshot picture taken from AVN. com, all others by Misha Morê)

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Did I Ever Tell You The One About... And other strange oddities of the world

Adios, Chihuahua! Taco Bell Dog Dead Long said the suspect then drove the car to the business, where she told employees she had a gun and At 15 demanded money. The employees did not believe She charmed millions without ever saying a word — and managed to make fast-food tacos adorable. Gidget, the Chihuahua best known for her Taco Bell ad campaign (and her famous overdubbed tagline, “Yo quiero Taco Bell”), died from a stroke on Tuesday night at age 15. “She made so many people happy,” says Gidget’s trainer, Sue Chipperton. “When she’s on a set, she comes alive,” Chipperton said at the time. But when the mostly retired canine actor wasn’t joining her trainer on shoots, the 15-year-old was happy to just kick back. “She goes on hikes with me and she loves the sun,” said Chipperton, who added that Gidget was happy to sleep “for 23 hours and 45 minutes a day. She’ll lay outside when it’s 105 degrees! I like to joke that it’s like looking after a plant.”

Dead Shark Left In Miami Street After Failed Sale

The body of a shark was left lying in the middle of a downtown Miami street after two men tried to sell it to several fish markets. The men apparently carried the five or six-foot-long fish around on the city’s Metromover downtown train, prompting calls to police. News footage Tuesday night showed the dead animal in the street with police officers and cruisers

the claim and restrained her until officers arrived. Police said the suspect appeared to be under the influence of drugs or alcohol. She was charged with carjacking and assault.

Naked Girls Plow Fields For Rain

Farmers in an eastern Indian state have asked their unmarried daughters to plow parched fields naked in a bid to embarrass the weather gods to bring some badly needed monsoon rain, officials said on Thursday. Witnesses said the naked girls in Bihar state plowed the fields and chanted ancient hymns after sunset to invoke the gods. They said elderly village women helped the girls drag the plows. “They (villagers) believe their acts would get the weather gods badly embarrassed, who in turn would ensure bumper crops by sending rains,” Upendra Kumar, a village council official, said from Bihar’s remote Banke Bazaar town. “This is the most trusted social custom in the area and the villagers have vowed to continue this practice until it rains very heavily.”

Fate Of “Marijuana Mine” In Limbo

An abandoned mine in northern Canada may lose its role as the country’s only government-sanctioned marijuana farm.

nearby. Two stations reported that a pair of men had tried to sell the animal to at least three fish markets for around $10.

Production at the mine -- deep under the tundra at Flin Flon, Manitoba -- had to be moved because the facility was not big enough and a deal to expand it had not been worked out, operator Prairie Plant System said on Wednesday.

Rob Orta, an employee at Casablanca Fish Market, told television station WSVN that the men offered his business the shark.

The mine had been producing legal marijuana for nearly a decade since Canada began allowing patients legal access to marijuana for medical reasons such as controlling pain.

Wildlife officials later determined the animal was a nurse shark. The case could result in misdemeanor charges of improper killing and disposal of an animal and selling a shark without a license.

The switch to another location prompted media reports that the operation had gone up in smoke, but Prairie Plants Chief Executive Brent Zetti said that was premature.

Bikini-Clad Woman Accused Of Carjacking In Miss.

The company, which raises plants for pharmaceutical uses, has other operations in the Trout Lake mine. Its contract to supply pot to Health Canada for sale to authorized medical users runs for another 2-1/2 years.

Police in Mississippi say a woman was carjacked by a bikini-clad suspect, who they say later tried to rob an RV dealership. Southaven Police Chief Tom Long said the 24-year-old suspect approached another woman in her driveway and demanded the car on Thursday. The woman gave up the car without a fight, asking only for time to remove her young children from inside.

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Some marijuana activists have panned the quality of pot from the Flin Flon facility, saying many medical users simply grow their own or buy from sources other than the government. Authorized medical marijuana users are allowed to legally grow their own pot. While medical marijuana’s use is controversial, some research has show has shown the drug to be effective in alleviating symptoms of debilitating diseases such as cancer and multiple sclerosis.

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News, Rumors and Gossip Is Israeli Porno the Best Travel Promo?

NY-based porn provocateur Michael Lucas is promoting Israel in a bold new way: gay Israeli porn. Over at Tablet magazine, Wayne Hoffman writes about Lucas’ latest foray in to a new market. As Hoffman points out: “In gay porn, where there’s less room for nebbishes and clowns, openly Jewish men have been virtually absent or invisible. In fact, the only one in recent memory is, well, Michael Lucas...In Men of Israel, the guys are all Israeli, all Jewish, and they’re not hiding it. Sure, their names are probably fakes—no parents would name their son Morr Foxx unless they knew he’d grow up to be a gay porn star. But at least their names sound plausibly Israeli, plausibly Jewish: Matan Shalev, Avi Dar, Naor Tal... The director’s goal is to help viewers realize that Israel is a place of unique beauty and history, he says, but also a place that’s not so different from Prague or Sydney or Palm Springs— all places where hot men have sex with each other on film, and all nice places to take a perfectly innocent gay-cation.”

International Mr. Leather Bans Bareback Content

Appalled by the reported increase in new HIV infections, International Mr. Leather has taken a stand it hopes will help to curtail the spread of the disease. The leather-fetish organization no longer will allow vendors to promote so-called “bareback”—or condom-less—adult content at the events and competitions it hosts. “…[A]fter considerable discussion, the executive committee of International Mr. Leather has decided that it will no longer allow participation in the IML Leather Market by any entity which promotes barebacking or distributes/ sells any merchandise tending to promote or advocate barebacking,” IML President Chuck Renslow told vendors in a letter the organization emailed last week. “This restriction will also apply to distribution of gifts, postcards or any other information via our facilities. This policy takes effect immediately.”

Study: HBO Leads On TV In Showing Gay Characters

HBO scored highest among 15 networks for its representation of gay characters last season, according to a report released Monday. In its third annual Network Responsibility Index, the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation found that of HBO’s 14 original prime-time series, 10 included content reflecting the lives of gay, bisexual and transgender people. That totaled 42

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Voted America’s #1 Adult Weekly

percent of the network’s programming hours, in series such as “True Blood,” “Entourage” and “The No. 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency.” By contrast, on NBC and CBS only 8 percent and 5 percent, respectively, of prime-time hours included them, the report said. For the report, GLAAD reviewed all prime-time programming — totaling 4,901 hours — for inclusion of such characters or issues on the five major networks (ABC, CBS, NBC, Fox and the CW) from June 1, 2008, to May 31, 2009. The study also examined all original prime-time programming — 1,213 hours — on 10 prominent cable networks. The programming included dramas, comedies, unscripted fare and newsmagazines. Cable’s Showtime ranked second, with 26 percent of its programming hours featuring gay characters or themes. Series included “The L Word,” “Weeds” and “The United States of Tara,” a new comedy about a family whose teenage son is gay. ABC got the highest ranking of the five broadcast networks, with 24 percent. It was the second year in a row that ABC led the broadcasters. Among ABC series, the report cited newlyweds Kevin and Scotty on “Brothers & Sisters,” the engagement of Andrew to Dr. Alex Cominis on “Desperate Housewives” and bisexual Dr. Callie Torres on “Grey’s Anatomy.” The CW logged 20 percent, and the Fox network 11 percent, the report said.

Pioneering Gay Writer E. Lynn Harris Dies

Bestselling writer E. Lynn Harris, a pioneer of black gay fiction, has died at the age of 54. He was in the middle of a West Coast tour to promote his 11th novel, Basketball Jones, when he passed away unexpectedly on Friday. The openly gay African-American author is best known for novels that address questions of identity and sexuality among black men. Following the success of his self-published novel Invisible Life, Harris signed a book deal worth $8 million and went on to publish 11 novels including Just As I Am, Too Good To Be True, Abide With Me, as well as his 2004 memoir What Becomes of The Brokenhearted. Harris’ first 10 novels were all on the New York Times bestseller list. Harris was the first person to identify and write about the phenomenon known as the “down-low” in black gay culture. Born Everette Lynn Harris in Flint, Michigan, he was raised in Little Rock, Arkansas, and mostrecently taught English at the University of Arkansas as a visiting professor.

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Best Blonde Joke Ever

Recently, during a routine patrol, an RCMP patrolman A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, 'Please come parked down the street outside a Legion Hall just off over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, the main Street at Estevan,Saskatchewan. and I can't figure out how to get started.' After last call, the officer observed a man leaving the Her boyfriend asks, 'What is it supposed to be when Legion Hall. The gentleman was so intoxicated that he could barely walk. He then stumbled around the parkit's finished?' ing lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observThe blonde says, 'According to the picture on the box, ing. After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his it's a rooster.' Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

'First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.'

'Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box.'

The Drunk Canadian

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Finally the drunk started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a fine, dry summer night) flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn, and switched on the headlights. He then pulled in the hook and line and moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patron vehicles left. At last, the parking lot was empty; he pulled out of the parking lot and started to drive slowly down the road. The officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, and promptly pulled the man over. He performed a breathalyzer test on the gentleman who cooperated fully, and to his amazement the breathalyzer indicated no evidence of the man having consumed any alcohol at all!

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,

He takes her hand and says, 'Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then, he said with a deep sigh, . . .

A number of other patrons paid no attention to this crazy drunk as they left the bar and drove off.

car, which he fell into. He sat there for a few minutes and then threw a hook and line out the window and seemed to be trying to catch a fish.

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Dumbfounded, the officer said, ‘I’ll have to ask you to accompany me to Headquarters. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken.” “I doubt it,” said the truly proud Saskie, “Tonight I’m the designated decoy.”

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METRO ANE 07.29.2009