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which costs about $230 a year, San Antonio Lingerie Store and the routine health department Forced To Get Food Permit For Selling Edible Underwear inspections that come with it are ​ e’re all familiar with the six food W groups: meat, dairy, vegetables, bread, fruits and fats. But here’s a food pyramid pop quiz for you: under which group - if any would edible panties fall? That’s an issue Rosemary Benitez, owner of San Antonio-based Shades of Love lingerie store, was faced with when the health department knocked on her door. While Benitez’s store isn’t a restaurant, the health department requires it to have a food permit because it stocks and sells items like edible underwear (e.g. candy g-strings), sexy mints and other, um, bedroom desserts. Initially (and incorrectly) thinking the health department’s visit was part of an elaborate practical joke, Fox News reported that “Benitez told San Antonio’s KENS5 TV station she believes the permit,

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completely unnecessary.” In perhaps what is one of the best quotes of the month, Benitez rebuked the health departments claim, saying “Everything in the box says ‘novelty item’ only... It’s not something you sit down and actually eat. It’s more for licking and tasting.” Unlike nutritious, daily meals that typically require a fork and a knife, Benitez told reporters that any activity involving edible panties is “not going to fill you up... I don’t think you would actually eat, lick, or taste enough of this that it would cause a big problem.” San Antonio’s Sanitarian Services Manager Stephen Barschewski disagrees, saying “Any facility in the city of San Antonio that sells edible substances requires a food establishment permit. One, it’s the law. Two, in case there’s a recall, we certainly want to know the source.”

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Firestone 550k Weekend June 3-5, 2010

The IndyCar and Camping World Truck Series comes to Texas Motor Speedway in this weekend for some nail-biting racing that you certainly won’t want to miss!

FRIDAY JUNE 3, 2010 Qualifying Night

Johnny Sauter showed the NASCAR Camping World Truck Series field the fastest way around Texas Motor Speedway as he captured his first Texas pole position for the WinStar World Casino 400k in 2009. Who will be the #1 qualifier for this traditional summer Truck showdown. FRIDAY JUNE 4, 2010 Winstar World Casino 400k Todd Bodine stretched his fuel mileage to the maximum and the result was a record fifth victory at The Great American Speedway! in the NASCAR Camping World Truck Series WinStar World Casino 400k. NASCAR Camping World Trucks under the lights at Texas. SATURDAY JUNE 5, 2010 Firestone 550k Helio Castroneves has been a longtime Texas Motor Speedway fan favorite. He added another fence-climbing victory to his resume by posting his third Texas IZOD IndyCar triumph in 2009 along with an Indianapolis 500 win. Castroneves will be seeking to break a tie for career Texas open-wheel wins at three with Sam Hornish Jr. when the IZOD IndyCar Series takes to the Lone Star State high banks for the Firestone 550k. History, controversy and high-speed excitement accompanies the IndyCars to Texas.

for more info and Tickets: http://www.texasmotorspeedway.com/

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SEX INDUSTRY MINISTRY: XXXChurch.com strives to demonstrate Jesus’ love in Las Vegas Strip Church members Joy Hoover, left, and Krissee Danger, far right, joke with a Cheetah’s bouncer on their way inside the club to pass out cupcakes and talk to dancers. Hoover says Strip Church representatives visit a strip club every week, just to let the women who work there “know someone loves and cares about them.” Krissee Danger, left, and Philip Hoover board the Strip Church bus after handing out hamburgers and bottled water to card flickers on the Strip. After they ran out of hamburgers, they offered free rides to tourists The strip club is dark enough to obscure faces but not the shape of a woman gyrating on a platform, entertaining three men at the bar.

On a recent visit to Cheetahs and then Rick’s Cabaret, reactions are identical: The workers all dive into the cupcakes like kids at a birthday party.

Down on her hands and knees, the dancer, Simone, focuses on her moves and allows nothing to distract her. Then Joy Hoover, an agent of Jesus, walks by bearing a pink pastry box full of frosted treats.

With the exception of the calories, the cupcakes are free. No sermons. No proselytizing. No damnations for being in what many consider an unsavory business. The point is to let the women know they are loved and have someone to turn to if they need it, Hoover says.

A few minutes later, Simone (her stage name) is in the back room, cupcake in hand. She suspends her no-carb diet for a pink-frosted, sugary moment. It is a moment of triumph for Hoover: pastries trumped pasties. Wielding her cupcakes, she works the room, handing out business cards to a handful of dancers taking breaks or preparing for shifts. “We look forward to their visit,” Simone says of Hoover and her partner-in-poleministry Krissee Danger (her real name). “They’re phenomenal.” Hoover and Danger, both 23, are representatives of the nonprofit organization Strip Church, the ministry arm of XXXChurch. com. The “church” serves porn stars, strippers, prostitutes and anyone who subscribes to the belief that people deserve the love of Jesus Christ without the judgment of organized religion. Porn pastor Craig Gross, 34, founded XXXChurch.com 10 years ago to do outreach at porn conventions. There is no physical church, just their desire to take God’s message to the masses. About two years ago, Gross set up an office in Las Vegas and expanded the group’s outreach to strip clubs, brothels, even the card flickers on the Strip. It’s no fun when churches want to serve only the religious, Gross says. MAGAZINE

“Our approach is to ask, ‘What would Jesus do?’Â “ Hoover explains. “Jesus hung out with prostitutes and everyday people. These women need love more than anything else.” Cupcakes and strippers are an odd mix, Hoover admits. But it works. The approach has helped them foster relationships with 15 strip clubs. Every Tuesday, Hoover makes a cupcake delivery to two of them, sometimes taking gifts for dancers who are celebrating birthdays.

“Cupcakes!” Simone yells, stretching an arm toward Hoover. “I want a cupcake. Save me one!”

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They fund their outreach through donations and retail sales of products such as the Strip Church Bible or the book of Bible stories, “Jesus Loves Porn Stars.” Like their name, their methods are less than traditional. Some might even say they’re quirky, odd or downright unreligious.

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That’s a tough message to sell; a lot of dancers are used to scorn, especially where religion is involved. “Because there are these little church emblems on the cupcakes, I thought it was these ladies trying to poison us,” a dancer at Rick’s Cabaret says of the Strip Church’s first visit to the club. It’s not often that a strip club allows this kind of access to a religious organization. Some clubs have been burned in the past --Â people have bought lap dances and then used the time to pray for the women, Gross says -- so, not surprisingly, that access hasn’t come easily. Diana, a manager at Cheetahs who didn’t want to give her last name, was at first reluctant to let Hoover in to talk to the women. Too many bad experiences with religion. “She told us this industry and religion don’t mix,” Hoover recalls. “I’ve had people hide in the bathroom so they can tell the girls they’re going to hell,” says Diana, who has worked in the business for 29 years. But there was something about the women from the Strip Church that made her reconsider her policy. They don’t preach, Diana says. They bring treats, offer help to the girls and sometimes, help the house mother. It’s all about trust and the truth, Hoover

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says. They’re upfront about their intentions and they don’t deviate from them. They have also managed to make connections with people in the local porn business by following that same philosophy. After the strip club visits, they often go to Porn Star Karaoke at Brando’s Bar. It’s a weekly industry event where producers, managers, porn actors and fans get together to sing karaoke and mingle. Recently, Danger, Hoover and her husband, Philip, hung out with porn stars Rebecca Love, Monroe Valentino, Gavin Steel and others. Their agenda is the same as at the strip clubs. “We want them to feel loved and cared about,” Hoover says. What does that mean? Well, it can be anything from providing a shoulder to cry on to doing hair and makeup for the women. They seem to back up their message through their actions, too. Recently, a woman called from a brothel in Reno, imploring them to help her get out of prostitution. The Strip Church flew her to Las Vegas, at their expense, where she slept on Hoover’s couch until they got her into a halfway house. The organization will pay for her initial stay, Gross says.

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“No one really wants to be a lifer in this business,” Gross says of those who work in adult entertainment. “For us, it’s not hey, here’s my card, call us when you want out. It’s call us if you want to get your hair done or go have a spa day with Joy.”

corner. In the background, the Bellagio fountains explode to the music of Lee Greenwood singing “God Bless the USA.” The point to this outreach is to be among the forgotten souls, Philip Hoover says. Sometimes, they bring representatives of Spanish-speaking churches with them. Once the food and water are exhausted, they troll bus stops for would-be passengers. The bus attracts a lot of attention; it’s wrapped in a mural proclaiming “Jesus Loves Sin City” with a giant portrait of Jesus gazing out onto the world. As they move down the Strip, people point, stare open-mouthed or laugh. There are times when the bus is filled to ca-

pacity but on this night, not a single person accepts, even though the ride is free. At one stop, a couple move toward the bus quickly, as if to beat the crowd. But when the man catches sight of the colorful Jesus mural, he grabs his companion’s arm and pulls her back. His face crinkles in disgust. Apparently, the sight of Jesus on the Strip elicits plenty of outraged expressions, incredulity, even the occasional middle finger salute. “I always tell them we’re not going to make them drink our Kool-Aid,” Danger jokes. “Christians get a bad rap sometimes and deservedly so. People think we’re going to try and convert them when they get on our bus. That’s not what we believe Jesus would do. He would love people, minus an agenda.”

“I feel like I’m a psychologist,” says Hoover, who moved here five months ago from Michigan with her husband. They both heard the call to do this unconventional ministry about a year ago. “I wanted to go to school for social work but decided I couldn’t do it because I get too emotionally affected by people’s problems. But now here I am, doing this.” Philip Hoover, 31, usually assists with the nonprofit’s other outreach programs: Free bus rides and burgers. On a recent Wednesday night, Gross drives while Philip Hoover and Danger jump off the bus to hand out free burgers and water to the card flickers who stand on nearly every Strip

Voted America’s #1 Adult Weekly

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Travelers to be searched for porn Australian customs officers have been given new powers to search incoming travellers’ laptops and mobile phones for pornography, a spokeswoman for the Australian sex industry says. Fiona Patten, president of the Australian Sex Party, is demanding an inquiry into why a new question appears on Incoming Passenger Cards asking people if they are carrying “pornography”. Patten said officials now had an unfettered right to examine travellers’ electronic devices, marking the beginning of a new era of official investigation into people’s private lives. She questioned whether it was appropriate to search people for legal R18+ and X18+ material. “Is it fair that customs officers rummage through someone’s luggage and pull out a legal men’s magazine or a lesbian journal in front of their children or their mother-in-law?” she said. “If you and your partner have filmed or photographed yourselves making love in an exotic destination or even taking a bath, you will have to answer ‘Yes’ to the question or you will be breaking the law.” Customs confirmed the new reference to “pornography” on the Incoming Passenger Cards and the search powers, acknowledging that searches conducted by officers may involve the discovery of “personal or sensitive possessions”. A spokesman said officers were trained to apply “tact and discretion” in their dealings with passengers. “Including an express reference to pornography is intended to enhance the interception of prohibited pornography at the border, by making passengers aware that some forms of pornography may be a prohibited import,” the spokesman said. The “pornography” question has ap-

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peared on the cards since September last year. The change was only spotted by Patten earlier this month and it had received little to no coverage in the media. Colin Jacobs, chairman of the lobby group Electronic Frontiers Australia, said the change appeared to have sneaked under the radar “without any public consultation about the massive privacy issues”. “It’s hard to fathom what the pressing concern could be that requires Australia to quiz every entrant to the country on their pornography habits, as if visitors would be aware of the nuances of the Australian classification scheme,” he said. “If this results in Customs trawling through more private information on laptops searching for contraband, I would say the solution is way worse than the problem.” Patten said if the question was designed to stop child pornography being smuggled into the country then the question should have been asked about “child pornography”, without encompassing regular porn. Hetty Johnson, chief executive of child protection group Bravehearts, agreed with Patten that the question was too broad. She said it should only apply to illegal pornography. “If it said child porn I’d be 100 per cent behind it - if you’re carrying child pornography then you deserve everything you get,” she said in a phone interview. The issue has echoes of the 1956 detention of famed British conductor and composer Sir Eugene Goossens who had his bag searched upon his return from Europe. He was carrying material that was considered, at the time, pornographic and his reputation was subsequently ruined, forcing him to flee the country. “The term pornography is not referred to at all in the federal Classification Act, which customs relies on to classify their material,” Patten said.

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With the current concerns about Facebook privacy options, not to mention the accusations of sharing data with advertisers, more and more people are considering deleting their Facebook account. Facebook started as a social network to share information with people within the same campus, but it gradually has changed its terms of use to become less and less limited with the information it publicly displays about their users. If you got tired of having advertisers check on your likes, dislikes and friends, or even seeing your friends faces displayed in ads on websites you visit, the only solution may be to delete your Facebook account.

Many issues have been raised with how Facebook deals with delete requests and it’s not exactly easy to find the link to start the procedure, but removing your account from Facebook is indeed possible. First of all, you will need to log in your account as usual and then go to the following page: https:// ssl.facebook.com/help/ contact. php?show_form=delete_a ccount. Facebook will request your password and for you to enter the words in two images, as a security measure. You will be then logged out of the system. Easy, isn’t it? Your personal information is no longer on Facebook servers... right? Well, not exactly. Right now, your account is only deactivated, and will remain so for 14 days or until you log back in. If you log back in, your account will be reactivated, and you will need to request a deletion again. So, if you really want your account deleted from the system, you will need to avoid logging into Facebook for two weeks, and this includes Facebook connect and similar applications. But what does account deactivated mean exactly?

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A deactivated account is just an account that isn’t active, but the information on it it’s still stored in Facebook and can be seen by other users, depending on your privacy settings. Your friends can still tag you in pictures, invite you to events and send you invitations to groups. If you want to deactivate your account (as opposed to deleting it) you will need to go to My Account > Account Settings, and scroll to the bottom of the page. There you will see a link to deactivate your Facebook account. Within that form, you will need to provide Facebook with a reason for deactivating it, and you can opt out of those annoying notifications that are cluttering your Inbox.

Remember that even if you delete or deactivate your Facebook account, things that you posted on it can still be around the Internet, mirrored on search engines caches and pages, and your pictures on your friends accounts will still be there for anybody to see. For this reason, if you really want to erase all the references to you in Facebook you will need to chase the people who originally published that content and ask them to take it down. If you are interested in using Facebook, but you don’t want your information to be available to everybody you may want to take a look at the Facebook Privacy Settings, and change them to the most restrictive level possible, or the one that suits you best. There’s no guarantees that Facebook won’t change their terms of service again to push more of their users information towards being publicly available, but you may be able to achieve a temporal balance between being able to play Farmville and having a potential employer see pictures of your drunken antics when they Google for your name while deciding if they want to employ you. Voted America’s #1 Adult Weekly

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METRO ANE SPORTS Well, I just want ya’ll to sit back and think of just a few short months ago when it was freezing cold, storms, rain, more freeze, more storms, and ya’ll were goin’, “hey, I can’t wait for summer to get here”. Now there’s a bunch of ya’ll goin’, “hey, wait a minute, we got here a bit too fast, and I’m not ready for it”. This reminder obviously isn’t for our Northern neighbors, the one’s who’re getting that nice transition into spring weather. No sir, this is Texas where the weather comes hard and the games come harder. Down here if you don’t prepare right for winter you get nailed, and if you don’t prepare right for summer they put the nails in your coffin. And if you don’t start preparing right now for football season, someone bigger ‘n badder ‘n you pulls a cactus straight outta the ground and beats you to death with it. Well we’re gonna keep on with the finish of basketball and hockey, but we be fixin’ to get our preps goin’ for football, along with all the other hot summer time action. Let’s start pushin’ the pedal. NBA. Ah, here it is, the NBA Finals. Finally. Game 1, Thursday, June 3, 8 CST, TV Channel 8. Just over eight months, and if it goes to Game 7 on June it’ll be almost 9 months. Standard format: 2x2x1x1x1. The number one seeded LA Lakers versus the number seven seeded Boston Celtics. What is this, the like gazillionth matchup? Would I like to see some other teams play, heck yeah. But, you know,

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to get to the Finals some other favorite teams gotta win, and these were the last two standing. But just ‘cause you’re a tad put off don’t think this won’t be a good series. I’m actually looking forward to watching Boston’s defense work the Lakers offense over, and vice versa. In the battle of the point guards you know LA’s gonna start Fisher against Rondo and that matchup oughta be real interesting. Fisher’s good but I’m betting that Rondo sticks it more to him than the other way around. What’s gonna be I think the strong man part of the series will be if Boston assigns Pierce to Bryant in the battle of the shooting guards. Just as a nice side note, Pierce’s salary for this season is just under $20 million, and Bryant’s is just over $23 million. Fisher comes in around $5 mil and Rondo about $2.5 mil. Pierce is 32 and Bryant 31, while Rondo’s 24 and Fisher 35. The Lakers probably have the edge on team talent but overall teamwork the edge definitely goes to the Celtics. If the big names essentially balance each other out then the Celtics take this series with the stronger bench and if Rondo takes this as his time to shine. NHL. Games one and two of the Stanley Cup playoffs were about as polar opposite as you’d ever see. Game one had both teams top lines nullified but the next three lines were shooting pucks in the net like I put ice in the blender for margaritas. Chicago wins 6-5 but nobody could figure anything out from that contest. Game two both defenses arrived and

dialed the speed up to breakneck. The hits were so hard I had to order boneless wings as I was snapping everything in sight. Chicago takes this one 2-1 but it was anything but a blow out.

Tonight, Wednesday June 2, 7 pm CST, TV Versus we get game 3, and Friday we get game 4, same conditions, but in Philly. In both games the Flyers showed the can play with the Blackhawks but now they have to crank both the offense and defense up. Chicago will show up with every intention of stealing game 3, and Philly needs to slap the wood to their heads and the puck in the net. If not, well, they won’t be playin’ that Balboa music over the pipes. NFL. All right, I’ve gotten about enough emails on this New York Super Bowl business. How do I feel about it? I’m against it. And I have two reasons opposing this. First of all, all this talk of it messing with the “integrity” of the game just isn’t valid. Football isn’t the NFL. Football is today what baseball was in yesteryear, it’s woven into the fabric of our society and into our everyday communities. In towns across America growin’ up you buzz Main Street or the central drag, then on Friday nights you’re at the stadium. Saturdays are college football. For fans sittin’ in the seats, you start the regular season off in shorts, T’s, and sunglasses, and you end the season and go into the playoffs in jeans and coats. If you don’t know this, you don’t know what a good time is. The NFL didn’t grab Sundays, no, it was essentially forced to take Sundays and many folks thought they wouldn’t be successful because of it. The NFL is professional football but it’s NOT the creator nor master and commander of football. They are, however, the pin-

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nacle of football. The best of the best get to rise up and play in it.

Football is an outdoor sport. Now, if a team lands geographically in a sun city and doesn’t play many games in wintry weather, so what. And if a team builds itself a dome and minimizes the games played in bad weather, so what. Both those were choices of owners. But when the time comes they have to play a game in the snow or hail or sleet, well, if they’re gonna lose a game and weather is blamed as the factor, that’s the consequence of their choices. But the Super Bowl is THE best game of them all and the weather and field conditions should NOT be an impediment to the game. Both teams should be unburdened from having to adjust to weather and go with full throttle game plans. If Brees or Manning is playing in the snow do you really think you’re going to get your money’s worth in the passing game? Heck no. And I don’t want to pay sky high prices to watch nothing but a running game. But all other games leading up to it should definitely be played in whatever conditions come their way. My second opposing thought to this is, why did the NFL have a standing decision that no Super Bowls would be played in anything but good weather conditions, which meant outdoors in a Sun Belt state, or inside a dome? Dallas can’t get a Super Bowl until a new stadium is built with a roof or closeable roof. So, Jerry Jones ultimately builds the new stadium and now, NOW, the NFL rewards the Jet’s/Giants combine with a Super Bowl in their new “lidless” stadium? Somebody’s getting’ smoked here, and guess what, your right, it’s a whole heck’uva lotta tax payers. But above that, it’s all the fans that were lied to for decades and refused the privilege of hosting the Super Bowl.

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Here’s another angle for you to chew on. These owners talk with each other so it’d be pretty doggone hard to convince me that most didn’t already know that Jones wanted his new stadium, with retractable dome, but that also the New York teams were going to build their stadium, and it would be open air. Do you think Arlington voters would’ve approved the new stadium if it hadn’t been sold to them that the area had to have a roofed stadium to be awarded a Super Bowl? Jerry Jones has done a hell’uva lot for the NFL and it’s not implausible that the owners “considered” letting him get his new facility before New York got an open air Super Bowl. And then there’s the New York connection. NFL teams are supposed to be treated equally in regards to home and away games, but this isn’t totally true. Since the Jet’s and Giant’s share the same stadium it’s obvious that their logistics HAVE to be taken into consideration when making the overall regular season schedule. Other team’s schedules have had to be modified to accommodate the Jet’s and Giant’s schedules. That question has no choice but to exist when booking Jets and Giants games, and that’s: does the other one already have a game that date? No other teams get that consideration. So why doesn’t the New York area vote on which team stays in the old location and who gets the new stadium? Well, hell’s bell’s, that idea made the owners squirm that one of ‘em was gonna get stuck with a used deal. The NFL goes ahead and allows them to build another shared stadium, which perpetuates the flawed scheduling. And then what happens? Before the stadium is even built they’re awarded a Super Bowl in their announced open air stadium. As I said at the start of this, I’m all for games being played outside, hey, it’s part of the draw, but I’m NOT for being misled, deceived, and lied to, which is what happened to Dallas, North Texas, the entire state of Texas, and the region, let alone all the other cities that have been denied the big game.

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For what we’ve been falsely denied for decades, I’m just as strongly convinced that actions should be taken against the league just like they do to players who, as the Commissioner publicly states: tarnish the shield. Readers Response: Although the amount of female writein’s are small part of the emails, I’m always glad to hear from them, so this week’s response is dedicated to the ladies. Two Dogs: My boyfriend and his friends love to watch and talk sports, and they love saying things that they know I don’t understand, but sometimes they get frustrated with me. I’m not that much of a sports person but I do enjoy sharing the games with them, at home or out. I quit asking questions because they’d get irritated with me. What they do is sit around and yell stuff out, like somebody says it was a point guard and others will use numbers, and then they argue, but in a good way. Could you explain these terms to me? I want to know what the game is about and maybe someday participate. Claire Plano Claire: Well, darlin’, with what you said above its basketball. The point guard is 1, the shooting guard is 2, the small forward is 3, the power forward is 4, and the center is 5. The ONE Guard (1) is also known as “The Ball Handler”, because he’s footballs version of the quarterback, and his job is to push the ball up the court (to the opponents end) and start the offensive play. This position is a double threat, meaning if given an opening they can drive to the basket or pass the ball away to an open man and he shoots. The TWO Guard (2) is the shooting guard and his job is primarily shooting from the perimeter, he’s best evaluated by his points per game. The Small Forward (3), or Swingman, must be able to score from the perimeter and from the inside. The Power Forward (4), or Four Spot, is tough on the boards (rebounding), most of his work is inside the perimeter, and most of his points come from inside. The Center (5), the Big Man, is usually the

biggest player, and his assignment is to “post up” which is to stand with his back to the basket, receive the ball and use a variety of pivot moves to make his shots, like short jumpers, hooks, and dunks. By the way, you know where the free throw line is, and at the back of it is an “arc” that goes away from it on both sides and to the front of the court to each side of the basket. That line, or arc, is the perimeter and use that as a reference. In front of the three throw line it’s all painted and that, of course, is “in the paint”. Memorize the above, watch some games and get a feel for what the guys are doing from what the announcers are saying, and you’ll know quite a bit. Once you learn from this, you’ll also know which of the guys know what they’re talking about and you can pitch in and be the new hero. Go get’em. TD Two Dogs: Sir, I’m presuming now that with the most exciting ending of season ten’s Dancing With The Stars you’ll finally agree that dancing is a sport. Several professional football players have been on this show along with Olympic gymnasts and ice skaters, which only adds to the evidence that dancing is a sport. Your tunnel vision of what constitutes a sport is only surpassed by your ignorance of human performance. Genetically speaking, it seems your attitude hasn’t advanced very far from the Neanderthal days. Get out of your cave and give the rest of the sports world a view. Charlotte Dallas Charlotte: I think the only thing you should presume is that I think you’re insane. TD Two Dogs: My husband refers to the players being asked to the Cowboys summer camp as “street meat”. He says they’re all discards and only used to keep the good players healthy. Is this true? If it is, is that fair? Shannon Terrell

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Shannon: Well, normally street meat is the street push cart vendor’s hot dogs, but in this case your husband is basically correct. It is a chance for walk on’s to try and catch a coach’s eye, to either gain a spot or get a good recommendation. But teams need players that can get out there and bust heads with the regulars for practice. Don’t think bad about this because not even that many of the drafted players make the squads. Percentage wise, very few end up as regulars on an NFL team. TD Two Dogs: I think there’s way too much money spent on players in football so won’t this strike be a good thing? Hasn’t all this gotten way out of control? Will we lose a whole season like the hockey did? Is basketball next? Raylea Burleson

Raylea: Just the thought of a strike gives me stomach cramps. Is there a possibility? Yes. Do the owners and players need to reach a more equitable relationship? Yes. There’s a very valid argument that the owners created this mess, but they’ve now generally agreed that the brakes need to be applied. I’ve written many times that I don’t believe that rookies should be given guaranteed money, and shouldn’t be paid more than veterans, they can have incentive clauses. However this isn’t all about money, it’s also about other issues, like how to keep the game physical while keeping players safe. I think this is a dangerous step for both the players and owners. Both baseball and basketball have taken forever in winning fans back after their strikes, and losing a whole season like hockey did was a catastrophe. I’m skeptical the fans will support a strike by any of the major professional sports teams, the times just aren’t ready for that. TD Pat “Two Dogs” Snow twodogs@anemagazine.com

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orilla gadgets odd : cool : interesting : insane stuff! Spy Dirty Mo Sunglasses

Before he hops in his National Guard/Amp/Sponsor of the Week Chevy to hopefully run 600 miles around the

track at Charlotte on Sunday, Dale Jr. will be signing autographs, doing interviews, and generally milling about in his Spy Dirty Mo Sunglasses ($100). Built to Junior’s specifications, these signature shades are a tobacco-colored bronze, with Toric ARC lenses, tapered stems, and silver accents. Remember: it’s not where you finish, it’s how you look doing it.

We’ve come a long way with the bottle openers. Did you

know that the first one was invented in the late 1800’s and it was named “church key”? Why give such a religious name to an alcoholic beverage? A bit ironic, don’t you think? Well, there is a reason why, of course. And it is no other than the fact that the design of the bottle opener did resemble a church key (or so they say!).

www.spyoptic.com

Ural Patrol T Motorcycle With old-school looks and useful tech, the Ural Patrol T Motorcycle ($12,400) is just the thing for poor-weather riding. Most notable on the Patrol T is its sidecar, which gives the bike its World War II feel — think Indiana Jones vs. the Nazis — but it’s also the sidecar that gives it its stability in bad weather, thanks to the world’s only on-demand twowheel-drive sidecar drive shaft. Other features include an OHV aircooled 4 cycle opposed twin cylinder engine, Herzog gears, Brembo brakes, a true reverse gear, a large

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But just like everything else in life, even bottle openers have evolved into different shapes, sizes and colors. And our Bottle Betty bikini line is nothing but an example of how far evolution can go!

www.bottlebetty.com

BLACK PATENT BOTTLE OPENER HEELS $19.98 These black patent heels are the perfect party shoe because there’s a bottle opener on each heel. Adjustable ankle strap and a peeptoe. 1 1/2” platform front. 4” heel

www.hottopic.com

sidecar storage compartment, straightforward maintenance, and true Russian heritage

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If you’ve always wanted to be Frankenstein’s monster, then

you do actually know that Frankenstein was the name of the man that created the monster not the name of the monster itself. At least I sincerely hope that’s the case. If so, you might want to pick up this freakish looking choker that makes your head look as if it’s been stitched in place. There are also some bracelets available that will give the same look to your hands. You can pick up the choker for $15 through Etsy. The seller has several other ghoulish jewelry designs you can check out. Although I’d personally suggest browsing it while listening to House of the Rising Sun. I did it on accident, but it definitely gives the site a whole new creepy edge.

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Knighton, Leicestershire, originally sketched out his design 30 years ago. But it wasn’t until he created a popular range of bronze frog sculptures that he had the financial clout to realise his dream.

steering mechanism that worked. “I have to say it really has exceeded all my expectations and fulfilled my wildest dreams,” said Mr Cotterill.

Now based in Santa Cruz, California, the 60-year-old is the proud owner of a three-wheeler that is so fast it even has a built-in parachute to slow it down.

“I did get it up to 160mph on a straight stretch of road in the high desert and actually deployed the Simpson parachute just for the heck of it.”

Work began in 2006, when Mr Cotterill drafted in specialist bike makers the Blastolene Brothers to start bringing his hand-drawn design to life, and was completed this year.

But it’s unlikely to win any green fans: “It’ll return 3mpg around town, though the engine builder assured me not to worry as I’d get 4mpg when it was fully run in!”

neers 23 attempts to come up with a

tial six-figure dollar sum”.

A British man is burning up the streets of Los Angeles with the ultimate trike - a selfThe result is a five metre-long, Mr Cotterill will not confirm how designed 200mph monster he 1225kg trike with a 1000bhp engine much it cost to get his trike on the calls the Road Rocket. and handlebars so wide it took engi- road except to say it was “a substanTim Cotterill, originally from

Voted America’s #1 Adult Weekly

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misc... In 1967, Canadian Club launched “Hide a Case,” a

contest in which 25 crates of their finest liquid gold were dropped in remote areas of the world. Clues to their exact locales were released via a series of magazine ads, as well as

Last Ride Motorcycle Hearse Puts the Style Back in Death Sure, funerals are great for memorializing the life of the recently deceased, but sometimes they can be just a little bit boring. Same old eulogies, same old black outfits and same old hearse transporting the coffin to the cemetery.

Unless, of course, you live in southern Illinois, where Last Ride Hearse, LLC is offering something a little bit different for anyone wanting a unique final ride in a custom built 2009 Harley Davidson Road King modified into a trike and a pull-behind hearse. Company founder Darren Youngblood first saw such a rig when he and his wife Amanda planned her father’s funeral in December of 2008. They saw a brochure for such a hearse and were able to make arrangements to have her father taken to the cemetery in one in January 2009. a telephone hotline. To date, only 16 have been found. The campaign has been relaunched -- with a 2.0 twist. Through a series of online challenges and hints, players can vie for one of eight spots in a future expedition to find a stillmissing case. And booze isn’t the only booty in this treasure hunt --

the winner also receives $100,000. Whiskey-guzzling gamers can sign up at Hide a Case. But hey, if you’re a real thrill-seeker, you can always skip the challenge and search for the cases on your own. The original clues are still available on the website. Just don’t hold us accountable if you find yourself lost in Loch Ness.

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The hearse and trike are two separate vehicles, linked by a fifth-wheel connection. The hearse is made mostly of fiberglass and has windows to allow full viewing of the deceased person’s casket. The couple was so impressed that they later traveled to Bedford, Penn., where the hearses are produced to meet with the manufacturer and order their own. Thus, Last Ride Hearse, LLC was born. “Almost every time I have it out people drive beside me taking photos with their camera phones. Most of the time the look in their face is shock and amazement,” Youngblood said. Though based in tiny Crainville, Ill., Youngblood is willing to travel for funeral services. The farthest he has traveled at this point is to Decatur, Ill. -- a three-hour trip.

But don’t approach Youngblood about using his hearse for events

other than funerals: “I had several people wanting me to decorate it up and take it around at Halloween. My response is and always will be, this is not for use as a side show. It is to provide people with a respectful, dignified last ride.”

www.lastridehearsellc.com

place she’s not covered: her feet. Gnuse says she suffers from porphyria, a skin disorder similar to lupus. Sunlight can cause scars and spots that look like burns. So she decided to cover the marks with art. She began visiting a tattoo artist every week, and two decades later she’s now tops in ink -- a mark she officially shares with Krystyne

Kolorful, a Canadian exotic dancer. Julia Gnuse, the world’s most tattooed woman. Julia has 95 percent of her body covered in art, with images of everyone from the Beatles to the cast of Bewitched.

Tattoo artists Art and Steve Godoy are responsible for all of the work

The 55-year-old Californian has more than 400 tattoos -- including ink on her most private of parts. In fact, there’s only one

Youngblood offers the hearse for free to military personnel killed in the line of duty. While motorcycle enthusiasts might seem to be the primary market for this unique hearse, Youngblood said that it is really for “anyone who wants something different.” Voted America’s #1 Adult Weekly

on this wearable masterpiece, which Guinness put on display this week at BookExpo America, where she helped to promote the 2011 record book and a new iPad app -- Guinness World Records: At your Fingertips.

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QUEENSRYCHE CABARET

FEATURING GO-GO AND BURLESQUE DANCERS, DRAG QUEENS, A JUGGLER, TRAPEZE ARTIST, A CONTORTIONIST AND MUCH, MUCH MORE TO COME TO PHOENIX, SAN DIEGO AND PALM SPRINGS. BAND TO PERFORM HITS PLUS NEVERHEARD-BEFORE SELECTIONS AT WHAT’S BEING HERALDED AS “THE FIRST ADULTS ONLY ROCK SHOW” Ladies and Gentleman and “kids” of only adult ages, welcome to what promises to be the spectacle of all spectacles better known as the Queensryche Cabaret. The Queensryche Cabaret — heralded as “the first adults only rock show” (21 and over) — will be Teatro ZinZanni meets Cirque du Soleil with the band performing their hits and never-heard-before selections accompanied by Go-Go dancers, burlesque dancers, drag queens, a juggler, ballet dancer, trapeze artist, a contortionist and others. Definitely a fun-filled evening like no other full of freaks and shrieks! What good is sitting alone in your room? Come hear the music play! Those who attend the Queensryche Cabaret will have the option of just sitting back and enjoying the music and theatrics or actually being a part of the elaborate stage show! Prior written consent will be required as it won’t be for the faint of heart… It’ll be sights and sounds coming at you from all angles like never before! See some evil, hear some evil, speak some evil and have some fun. Life is a Queensryche Cabaret, old chum, come to the Cabaret!

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Want to party with hot chicks and get laid in a video game? Play BoneTown, the 3D Action Adventure PC Video Game where anything goes! In this naughty role playing game with the free roaming atmosphere of GTA,”The Man, Inc.” is trying to “moralize” the free-loving, hard partying city of BoneTown. Fighting alongside such BoneTown heroes as Jesus and Ron Jeremy and armed with mighty fists, tasty booze, crazy drugs, and a big cock, you are the town’s only hope. The possibilities are endless in BoneTown, so make sure to get the video game the Man doesn’t want you to play--before they shut them down! A video game to combine Sex, Drugs and Debauchery into one hilariously hardcore experience. Party your way through Bars, House Parties, Trailer Parks, and Drug Forests to unlock outrageous physical and sexual powers that have never before been allowed in a video game. And of course, bone your way to the top as you seduce and pleasure thousands of unique and beautiful girls. Want to nail a nun, do a dominatrix, jizz on a juicer or even eat out an eighteen year old?

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You’ve come to the right place. In BoneTown sex on the sidewalk is a common as sex

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Play the Game and Shoot Lightning From Your Ass! In BoneTown, you fight for everything from settling disputes to getting drugs to finding women. Hitting someone with a mannequin leg or a flyswatter is as common as throwing an uppercut, and the most skilled fighters can even toss farts, spit fire, or shoot lightning out of their ass to keep their opponent on his toes. In the drug fueled paradise of BoneTown, illicit substances give you extraordinary, magical powers and can impart fantastic abilities. From the Weed that lets you leap high buildings in a single bound to the Crack bought in dark alleys, in BoneTown, the only drug problem is not having them. Explore a hilarious, sexually explicit and sometimes offensive world alongside a host of wild characters. Then, steal their identities to take the personality of a Stoner or a Rocker, a Pygmy or a Mormon, and even Ron Jeremy or Jesus! www.bonetown.com

Voted America’s #1 Adult Weekly

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Out of Town~ XFANZ Expo’s Hard Rock Hotel Sells Out Rooms, day passes available LAS VEGAS — With two weeks left before the show, the worldfamous Hard Rock Hotel & Casino has sold out of rooms for both nights of the premiere outdoor erotica consumer event of the summer, XFANZ Summer Expo. XFANZ Expo attendees were offered a special room rate of $69 for a night’s stay at the Hard Rock Hotel’s luxurious main tower. With the jam-packed schedule of star appearances, contests, poolside activities and exclusive special events, the Hard Rock Hotel is the official headquarters for attendees that don’t want to miss all the fun.

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The uniqueness of the event — as well as the growing number of top adult stars scheduled to appear — promises to draw record attendance. The event has received an outpouring of industry support with adult studios, talent agencies and toy manufacturers taking all the available poolside exhibition spaces. With one-day and two-day VIP passes available online and at the door, attendees get to meet their favorite adult stars and will be able to participate in the voting for the Miss Summer 2010 Bikini Pageant, the first-ever XFANZ Awards and many other contests, activities and special events.

For more information, visit XFANZExpo.com.

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18th Gentlemen’s Club Owners Expo 2010 By: Ms. Misha Morê The theme for this year’s Exotic Dancer Gentlemen’s Club Owners Expo (August 22-25, 2010, at The Mirage Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas) is ‘Positively Expo,’ Positive Panel and Workshop Series. Each panel session and evenings will carry a new approach, new events, new attitude theme throughout the event. But the ultimate goal is apparent: Adult nightclub owners and every member of their team will be able to take the steps they can take today to establish a positive relationship in their community. ‘Every aspect of this year’s convention is going to reflect the ‘Positively EXPO’ theme,’ says Exotic Dancer (ED) Publications’ Publisher, Don Waitt. ED Publications has produced the Annual EXPO for the past 18 years. ‘We will have an agenda of panel sessions, special events, parties, exhibits and an Awards Show that will focus on the positive ways to motivate club owners, their staff and the entertainers. Think the smiley face’s ‘Have a nice day!’ and Bobby McFerrin’s song, ‘Don’t Worry Be Happy!’ It’s time we let our hair down, have some fun, and talk about how to positively improve club operations and increase sales at EXPO 2010.’ To breathe more fresh air into the EXPO, the convention has been moved to The Mirage Hotel & Casino, which means new restaurants, nightclubs and surroundings, and the lowest room rate of the past 10

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years. Exclusive evening events and parties, where you can network, relax and have a great time with other fellow indutry professionals that includes a poolside Hawaiian Luau Party and a ‘Swinging Sixties’ rock-and-roll party as well as exclusive membership meetings for ACE, the Association of Club Executives. There will be a continuing focus on club staff as well, with specialized training and motivational workshops and new Awards Show categories for other key staff positions. Also, the return of The STOREROTICA ‘What’s New Marketplace’ Convention & Tradeshow, which was a part of the Annual EXPO from 2007-2008. When combined, the Annual EXPO and Annual STOREROTICA conventions represents the largest convention and tradeshow for all adult retail venue owners and operators including adult retail stores, lingerie boutiques, erotic toy and apparel stores and adult nightclubs. It’s the only event of its kind in the world. The Annual EXPO attracts over 3,000 attendees, including over 1,700 adult nightclub owners, club executives, general managers, bartenders, floor managers, DJs and club personnel from individual clubs and club chains. Other EXPO attendees include liquor, beer and wine distributors; food and beverage companies; club furnishings and products companies; attorneys, architects, club brokers and insurance specialists; sound, lighting and staging companies; health, beauty and apparel companies; and computer and internet specialists.

Another highlight of the EXPO is The 2010 ED’s Awards Show that will be held on Tuesday, August 24, 2010, in the Grand Ballroom at The Mirage Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas featuring brand new Awards categories. The ED’s Awards nominees are determined by a ballot of previous ED’s Awards winners and nominees, as well as by select industry professionals. The Final Ballot for the ED’s 2010 Awards will be posted online at www.EDpublications.com, some time in July 2010. Check back at a later date to watch as to who the Awards Show host, presenters and other details for the evening’s festivities.

Voted America’s #1 Adult Weekly

For more info on the 2010 Gentlemen’s Club Owners EXPO, including early registration discounts for attendees and tradeshow exhibitors, call (727) 726-3592 or visit www. EDPublications.com today. To book your room at The Mirage, call (800) 499-6311 and ask for the discounted Club Owners EXPO rates.

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If you missed the Masturbate-athon put on by the Center for Sex and Culture in San Fransico this past Memorial Day weekend, you can find highlights at Tube8.com or if you are a little more adventurous you can attend the 10th Annual Portland Masturbate-a-thon on June 12, 2010. Darklady Gets “Back to Basics” with Revamped 10th Annual Portland

Masturbate-a-thon Portland, OR – May 30, 2010 – Darklady events began as house parties. Due to ongoing tension between the City of Portland and the nightclub originally selected for this year’s event, the 10th Annual Portland Masturbate-a-thon will return to its house party roots on June 12th, 2010. Located two miles from the nowunavailable nightclub (and a mere two blocks from the infamous Pirate Flag House), Darklady Estates and Wonderground will literally pack the house with sex positive socializing, non-coital sexing, and charitable fundraising. “Back to Basics: and What’s More Basic than Masturbating in a Basement” is the new theme for this year’s soiree, which will feature Thrillhammer, Sybian, and Monkey Rocker rides by guests and porn stars Noname Jane, Amber Chase, and Sophia St. James, as well as a Real Touch demo by either a lucky guest or male porn professional Dick Tracy or Tyger Hudson. San Francisco DJ Zulu and Portland DJ Ralphaliscious will contribute mood enhancing mixes and a wandering gypsy swing duo will provide softer sounds throughout the soiree, while the Naughty Barber offers intimate shaves, the Naughty Baker serves up oral delights, the Tarot Wizard shares glimpses into the future, and “Sola, ” April Flores’ one-woman video, adds visual inspiration. “While it would have been wonderful to have partied in an upscale nightclub, the Darklings and I agree that bringing it back home for the 10th anniversary

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feels good. The Portland version of this event started in my home, so it’s appropriate to celebrate it there yet again,” Darklady explains. “Regardless of location,” she continues, “my guests are the ultimate reason for the success of my events and I’m delighted to welcome them to my humble Estates. Returning to the historic BYOB/potluck nature of this party favorite will allow us to focus

more on the delicious art of self-pleasure, including an array of innovative erotic stimulation devices. It will also leave us with more pocket money to put toward silent auction items, which will help the worthy local and national sex-positive organizations we’re supporting this year.” A percentage of the door, in addition to all silent auction funds raised and hygiene, household, pet, and food donations collected during the event, will benefit Esther’s Pantry, the Woodhull Freedom Foundation, and the newlyformed adult-consumer focused nonprofit, Free Speech Alliance. Current sponsors include Fascinations, Taboo Video, HotMovies, GrrlToys, X-Rated Toys, Cascade AIDS Project, and Wet. Sponsors, silent auction donors, and others interested in contributing to or participating in the 10th Annual Portland Masturbate-a-thon are encouraged to contact Darklady for details. PRE-THON SOCIAL: Darklady will host a free pre-thon Naughty Karaoke social on Thursday, June 10th from 7pm – 11pm at GLBT/BDSM friendly Julia’s Café, located at 2130 NE Broadway, Portland, OR. Attendees can learn more about the Portland Masturbate-athon and other Darklady events, as well as get as “naughty as they wanna be” while singing karaoke. www.Darklady.com www.Masturbate-a-thon.org twitter.com/TheDarklady As Woody Allen said, “Don’t knock masturbation, it’s sex with someone I love.” Voted America’s #1 Adult Weekly

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METRO ANE 06.02.2010