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“.....orders through the roof. WOW. THANKS METRO ANE! Dallas/Fort Worth METRO Area we love you.”

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Adventures in the Erotic Underground ™ With The Not So Desperate Housewife

Hey kids, it’s me Mardi, “The Not So Desperate Housewife”, wondering why guilty dogs invariably bark the loudest particularly when personal choice is involved. Yes, when it comes to all things erotic, it too often seems to be the self-righteous who have sinned. Haven’t you ever wondered why all those “family values” political hacks have been many times divorced or caught in countless affairs? Or how about the stream of gay-bashing blowhards who are eventually outed? Yes, the parade of pathetic finger-pointers seems endless as drug-addled pundits perpetuate the “war on drugs”, duly elected congressman are conspicuously bought and sold, and even the organizations we once joined so that our numbers could give us voice are now nothing more than a highly-paid playground for politicos. We have heard so much rancor lately concerning rights and freedoms one wonders if all the noise isn’t just another way to distract us all from real and more pressing threats because too often the who ones cry “freedom” are those who work hardest to deprive us of that very thing. And amid all this hypocrisy, we hear from our friends who work in the wondrous world that is the erotic underground, that their ability to do business is being challenged once again. But, since raids and trumped-up charges too-often fail to dissuade the deviants, the powers-that-be have chosen to take a page straight from the playbook of the not-so-news news channels and the lecherous Leviticans who support them, and adopted a creed of contentiousness. Yes, it seems that deception, disinformation and devisiveness are the key components of this latest assault on our citizens of sensuousness. It works like this, there’s nothing illegal about consenting adults choosing the way they play so, instead, the bureaucrats, at the behest of their bombastic benefactors, choose to perpetrate an insidious game of what was once known as “work-to-rules”. For those who don’t know, work-to-rules has a long history as a tactic employed by the oppressed to force concessions from their masters for trifles like a working environment that isn’t hazardous to one’s health or a reasonable participation in the success of the enterprise. In any case, the city hall equivalent of work to rules is to knit-pick every rule and regulation until the beleaguered business owner can no longer tolerate the intolerance. Someone running a business that the fat cats don’t

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want festering in their fair city? Easy, just find enough arcane passages in an equally arcane book of rules with which to pester the petulant business owner until the only option is to quit or go broke trying to fight for what’s right. And so I say, cast a middle finger to the meddlers and support your perverse purveyors of licentious liberties. Now is the time to come together so as to retain our rights to eroticism and support those who choose a different path. Whether it is your local dungeon or party house or body-mod maven, show your support during this notorious no-man’s land between the hectic holidays and the looming of Lent and make it a point to visit your preferred purveyor of kink. Show your numbers and, in the process, show the suits at city hall that we are not afraid or ashamed and, just maybe, we should also provide a gentle reminder that we’ve seen more than a few of them at our favorite haunts in the erotic underground. Yes, in times like these, it’s not too crass to contemplate the number of politicians and celebrities and legal professionals and, yes, more than a few religious leaders, who regularly make the trek to the wilder side. Doubt you can make a difference? Let me remind you of a classic example. It wasn’t so long ago that those who tempt tourists to our fair city were caught up in the unenviable paradox of courting conventioneers to a place lacking assets of nature without leveraging its natural assets. Yes, when it comes to conventions, nothing sells like a little nudity, and so the hypocritical hucksters had to choose between towing the line on fake morality or capitalizing on the natural wonders of a city that, like it or not, is most well-known for its world-class gentlemen’s clubs. Ha! Funny how when money and morality meet, it’s usually the almighty dollar that flexes its pecs. I’ll forgo this week’s list of things to do in favor of leaving you with you with this thought; regardless of where or how you like to play, it is your choice and, barring any interference with the freedoms of others, your choice should not be made for you by meddlesome morality-mongers. That’s a scene of which we’ve seen too much. Exercise your right to choose your places to play and find them in the latest copy of Metro ANE or online at: www.anemagazine.com Vote yes for sensual freedom with a visit to the erotic underground at my blog: http://eroticunderground.wordpress.com Look for my new book “Adventures in the Erotic Underground: Confessions of a Not So Desperate Housewife” at a preferred purveyor of literary licentiousness. Know of great places or events of interest to women or needing a woman’s perspective? Contact me at eroticunderground@gmail. com

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Hard Photo Galleries Released for

‘McGyver XXX

VAN NUYS, Calif. — DreamZone Entertainment has released a series of hardcore photo galleries to promote its upcoming parody of the classic ABC action-adventure series “MacGyver,” set to street Jan. 29. “We’re excited to be making these sets of hardcore photos from ‘MacGyver XXX: A DreamZone Parody’ available to adult media and porn fans alike,” DreamZone Entertainment Vice President Adam Hasner said. “The galleries display some incredibly hot hardcore sex, and will go a long way in whetting fan’s appetites for the upcoming release.”

MacGyver,” about a secret U.S. government agent, who opts to use everyday objects rather than firearms to execute dangerous assignments, ran on ABC for seven years (1985-1992) and starred Richard Dean Anderson. Richie Calhoun plays MacGyver in the parody, which finds him on a mission to rescue both his girlfriend and ex-girlfriend from an evil nemesis, using everyday sex toys and objects. Costars include Ella Milano as his girlfriend Friday, Jayden Lee, Sabrina Taylor, Sasha Sweet, Earl Slate and non-sex character actor James Bartholet.

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2013 Gentlemen’s Club Owners EXPO to Focus on MONEY Make More. Keep More. Learn How. “Club owners like me want to know what they can do right now to make more money. How can we make more in profits? What company’s product or service will help us do that? That’s what we want to see and hear at the EXPO.” — quote from EXPO 2012 attendee “MONEY—Make More. Keep More. Learn How,” is the theme of the Annual Gentlemen’s Club Owners EXPO this coming August 20-22, 2013, at the luxurious Mandalay Bay Resort & Casino in Las Vegas. The 2013 show will mark the 21-Year Anniversary of the multi-billion-dollar adult nightclub industry’s only national convention and tradeshow. “Now that the elections are over and the economy is starting to slowly come back to life, we thought it was time to focus our Annual EXPO on the different ways that club owners can increase revenues, decrease expenses and maximize profits,” says Don Waitt, publisher of ED Club Bulletin, the producer of the EXPO. “EXPO 2013 will be about money, plain and simple.” Following the 2012 EXPO, attendees were surveyed and an overwhelming number of respondents said they wanted to hear more seminar discussions on how to make more money and how to save more money. They also wanted more Tradeshow exhibitors at the show to feature the latest products and services that will them to accomplish those goals of making more and saving more. The Annual Gentlemen’s Club Owners EXPO draws more than 3,000 attendees, including over 1,700 club owners, general managers, and club personnel from individual clubs and club chains. Other EXPO attendees include liquor, beer and wine distributors; food and beverage companies; club furnishings and bar products companies; attorneys, architects, club brokers and insurance specialists; and sound, lighting and staging companies. EXPO 2013 attendees can count on three days of mustattend workshops and panel sessions geared toward club owners, general managers and other key club personnel; two days of a 300-booth Tradeshow with vendors showcasing their latest products and services; two evening parties that are equal parts networking and enjoyable fun; and the Annual ED Awards Show honoring the industry’s top adult nightclubs and entertainers. For the latest details on EXPO 2013 call ED Publications, Inc. at (727) 726-3592 or log on to www.EDpublications.com METRO ANE

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T H E H A RD SC OR E on. Next season will be different, and I don’t care if he wins the Super Bowl this year, next year more will be known and more calculated pressure will be brought.

In sports, and playing within the rules, is it ok to do anything to win? For example, is it ok to take what your opponents are having success with and use it? Sure. If, and this is an IF that most owners, GM’s, and coaches seem to forget, if your team has the ability to use that tactic within its practiced system. With the annual NFL changing of GM’s and coaches, there will be new systems installed and while at it there will be pressures to add new elements to it. Like all the glamour that’s being associated with two offenses: the “success of the rookie running and gunning quarterbacks”, and New England’s version of the hurry up. I know it’s exciting. I know it can make a defense look foolish. I also know that only one NFL running quarterback has ever had long term success, while the vast majority have had their careers shortened because of it. The tactical advantage of the quarterback that can both pass and run is not new. In the very early days of football, before the merger, there were QB’s that could sling it and bring it. They didn’t last long either doing both, but a big part of that also was they wore leather helmets with no face masks and no mouth guards. After the merger one finally came to the forefront and became a national hero with the nickname that claimed his fame, Roger the Dodger. That being Roger Staubach of the Dallas Cowboys. His heroics included pin point passing and the ability to flit and dart like a gazelle and break off a long one like a deer. He posted two Super Bowl wins. He lasted ten years, from 1969 to 1979.

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He was forced to quit because of the beatings to his body and all the concussions. Of today’s top pocket passers, like Brady, Brees, Rodgers, and the Manning’s, who is willing to say that their careers and teams have suffered because these guys aren’t the Jesse Owens of QB’s? I sure won’t. Tom Brady and Peyton Manning have had long and successful careers because of how they understand and play the game, and Rodgers, Brees, and Eli are following in their tracks. Now some say Aaron Rodgers is also a runner, and yes he will take off, but you watch him. He’s using the threat of breaking out of the pocket to manipulate the defense to help his receivers. What about all the success these rookie run and gunners are having? RGIII may never reach his potential because of injuries. If he does succeed it will be as a pocket passer and that takes away a significant portion of what he’s been successful doing. Russell Wilson helped take the Seahawks to the Divisional Round and staged a rally that almost dropped the Falcons, but a larger amount of that rests on the shoulders of the designated running back, Lynch. A running game that lasted all year without an injury to Lynch is why Wilson was able to stay successful. If Lynch goes down and Wilson tries to do more, the defenses will be able to change their strategies and take him down. And San Francisco’s Kaepernick only took the reins the last few games so he’s healthy and defenses don’t have a lot of film on him. He also has Gore as his running back and that’s who defenses key in

What about a couple of sophomore shoot and scooters? Newton and Tebow. Cam’s the Panthers starter and hasn’t been able to do better than 6-10. Defenses had him after the first few games last year, took away his passing lanes, and he cratered. Tebow can’t get anybody excited, except his delusional fan base. That brings us to the major point of all this, and that’s what you’re about to see from some teams this coming season. Owners are scratching like chickens in the yard to get their coaches to bring this level of QB excitement to their teams. Here’s what’s wrong with all that. Notice that the top successful teams, regardless of all the hype about the NFL being a passing league, all, and that’s ALL, have top level running games. But the biggest point here is that the NFL, which is the owners, have changed the rules several times to do what? Protect their major investment in the quarterbacks. If the QB’s are going to be able to turn into running backs the NFL needs to erase the “run and slide” rule that protects them. Why? Ah, c’mon, you already know the answer to that one. Coaches are taking advantage of the rule, and I don’t blame them one bit, that allows their QB’s to take off and run. It can freeze defenses for critical seconds. But with these QB’s that are deliberately set up to run, that’s a different story. If running backs are fair game to be hit, and I mean helmet to helmet and ran over with street pavers, then QB’s that break out of the pocket have just turned into running backs and should be totally open season, slide or not. What’s the other big deal owners are go-

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ing to push for? If you don’t have a young gun to prance all over the field, or you don’t want to convert the one you have, then there’s another opportunity out there. Ah, not just the no huddle. Not just the hurry up. They think they want what they think Brady’s running in New England. And what they think they see is Brady bringing them all back to the line as soon as the last play is whistled dead, start hollering out the next play and hike the ball. It looks brilliantly simple. Unfortunately for those owners wanting to install it right now, it’s not. There are many complex things out in the world that look very simple to do, but the reality is far different. With everything it’s always a process of practice, practice, and more practice. With as many of the same players as you can each time. Over and over again. Year after year. The glory of success is based on the toil of practice. And it does get beaten. You watch what New England’s doing. The passing game is mostly timing routes designed for quick releases. How can a defense stop it? You get bigger cornerbacks and knock the crap out of the receivers at the line. Brady gets sacked. He gets knocked down. He gets pressured. Mostly when his receivers aren’t available. It’s that way with Brees, Manning, all of ‘em. If offenses want to run quarterbacks and have hurry up no huddle offenses, I guarantee that the defenses will get bigger and faster and nastier. What’s the best way for an offense to take a defense out of the game? Keep them on the field. Beat them up with the running

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: TheHardScore : TheHardScore : TheHardScore : game then burn their lungs with the passing game. But if you want to rely just on passing, you’ll play frog and croak. And if you want to have a running quarterback, you’ll have him for a season or so, then you’ll be eating guaranteed money while he’s rehabbing in the Bermuda’s.

best and needs an offense that doesn’t ask him to win games, but manage them. NFL Conference Games Sunday January 20 NFC 2:00 CST FOX

NFL Division Round 49ers at Falcons Heck’uva upgrade over the wild card round. Good games. Maybe not the results everyone wanted, never is, but some good contests. Of the four survivors, three played in last year’s Conference Championship games. That would be New England, Baltimore, and San Francisco. Denver’s game started off at 12 degrees and when the game hit the first OT the temp hit 6 degrees. The football was like a brick made of granite and the lungs were hit with air 91 degrees lower than their body temperature. Body collisions were like running full speed into steel walls. For the players it was a game based on sheer will and toughness. I thought Denver played the better overall game, and revealed some aspects of the Ravens game that the Patriots are going to seriously look at. Denver knows it has to upgrade its two weak player areas, the secondary and the running game. They also need to get a new head coach. The Ravens defense isn’t what it used to be, it’s older and slower, and Flacco still isn’t elite. Was he able to take advantage with the deep ball? Yeah, but Tebow or Newton could’ve done that with fast receivers. I thought the Packers were in over their heads and they were. Started off game, sure, but both lines need help, and the second half they were squelched.

This is where San Francisco was last year and they know exactly what happened to stop them there. The Falcons finally won a playoff game to get here. The 49ers have two things they didn’t have last year, both at receiver. Crabtree is finally working like a first round draft choice, and Randy Moss is actually playing football. If these two guys stay the course, the Niners win this game. Take it to the bank. The Falcons got the first round monkey off their backs, but the second half revealed what a strong running game and strong defense can do to them, and that’s what they’re faced with in this game. AFC 5:30 CST CBS Ravens at Patriots After you analyze both offenses and defenses, and break it down to linebackers, corners, safety’s, running backs, receivers, and quarterbacks, this game is going to come down to two men. Brady and Belichick. Belichick needs to design one of his best games plans ever, and Brady needs to come out breathing fire. If those two are at the top of their game, Baltimore’s out of it. That simple. If either one isn’t, the Ravens take it. Watch and see.

The Chiefs. Andy Reid needed to be in a new place, for many reasons. Then he turned around and got the Packers Dorsey to be the new GM. His staff is filled with those familiar with his systems and game plans. Kansas City has several top draft choices, they have cap room, and they have many good players including a solid running game. The question on Reid is, will he ignore the running game as long as he did in Philly or will he build a balanced offense? He’s got the cards, now we see if he’s still got money in the bank to draw down on. The Bills went to the neighborhood college and hired the coach. Why? No professional coaches wanted to go there. TD Two Dogs: Defenses want the offense to wait until the very last seconds on the pay clock to hike so they can hhide what they want to shift into. Offenses beat this by snapping the ball as soon as possible, catching the defenses before they can shift. But the Cowboys continue to wait until the last second allowing the defenses to hide there plans. I don’t think they have to go to no huddle but they could at least vary time so defenses don’t have the edge. Jones fires the defense coordinator. I don’t get it. Brian Dallas Brian: Game management has been the consistent knock on Garrett. Besides giving the defense time to cover their scheme, Romo gets minimal time to do pre-snap reads or audible, both of which are critical to his position. Ryan’s defenses aren’t based on getting turnovers, they’re based on minimizing opponent’s points, which they mostly did. Folks believe the offense appears to be getting a pass.

As Captain Kirk said to Kahn, “like any poor marksman you keep missing the target”. TD Two Dogs: Why did Kelly stay at Oregon, I thought his offense was supposed to revolutionize the NFL? Nelson Tucson Nelson: It was a smart move on his part. Only the Browns and Bills showed any real interest, the Eagles balked, and the NFL told him what they thought of his math based system. TD Two Dogs: Will Vick now go to the Chiefs? Would the Jets want him? Thje Cardinels need one.and the Raiders, Jags, Browns, and bills. all need one. His the bgest availbel. Shark Appleton Shark: First he wants to be the starter and he needs a team already built to win. That maybe fits the Raiders, but I think his days as the man are over. That said, the Bills aren’t all that smart, and the Jags are a step above rebuilding. TD Two Dogs: Jones is just the owner of the Cowboys, he’s not God. Bruce Dallas

Readers Response: Seattle has a lot to be happy about. That second half was more about what the Seahawks should be next year, and told us where the Falcons are weakest, like the offensive line and quarterback. Houston was never really in the game. Brady shredded the defense and Houston’s QB, Schaub, showed again he’s average at

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TD

Bruce: Think how disappointed he must be.

Two Dogs: What team did the best job of hiring a new coach? The worse?

Two Dogs: Wghat to you think of Jones firing Ryan?

Nick Morristown

Merrill Duncanville

Nick:

Merrill:

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orilla gadgets odd : cool : interesting : insane stuff!

POLAROID IM1836 ANDROID CAMERA Not content to live life as an Androidpowered pointand-shoot, the Polaroid iM1836 Android Camera ($400) combines the power of a smartphone with the flexibility and optical quality of an interchangeable lens camera. It comes standard with a 10-30mm zoom lens, and offers compatibility with all Micro Four Thirds lenses via an adapter. Specs include an 18 megapixel sensor, Android 4.1, built-in

2014 MERCEDESBENZ E-CLASS COUPE

Plenty of cars receive a mid-cycle facelift — but the 2014 MercedesBenz E-Class Coupe ($TBA) has more up its sleeve than just a new look. Accompanying the new, sportier front end — which holds new single-lens LED headlamps and large air intakes — redesigned rear fenders, and all new interior is a host of new safety features, dubbed “intelligent drive”. Included in this new pack-

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Wi-Fi and Bluetooth, 1080p video recording, a 3.5-inch capacitive touchscreen, and one-button shar-

ing to Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, Flickr, and Vimeo. The countdown to the first Android-powered DSLR starts... now.

age is Collision Prevention Assist, a radar-based collision warning system with adaptive brake assist systems, Attention Assist, which can detect when you’re getting drowsy, Distronic Plus with Steering Assist

But Always Fine Bourbon Book Price : $50.00

Discover the story of the Van Winkle family and their bourbon heritage. Written by Sally Van Winkle, this beautifully compiled work brings together first-hand accounts and historical records to tell the fascinating tale of one of America’s most famous bourbon families. Available in Hard Cover only. New to the world of absinthe? Get a jump-start on your green fairy education with these Absinthexplore Kits ($35-$80). Included in each set is either three or six 50ml vials of various high-end absinthes, as well as at least one spoon, all packaged in a handsome black box. The six-vial sets include two spoons while the three-vial sets include one; if you don’t see a set that interests you, you can also build your own, with as may as three spoons packed in. which helps to keep the car in its lane and can track multiple lanes of traffic, and a bunch of other futuristic systems that come just short of letting the car drive itself. Available in hardtop or Cabriolet versions, with engines ranging from 300 to 400 hp.

Yogi Berra said 90% of baseball is half mental, and if that’s true, then clearly 45% of snowboarding is

three-fifths mental. Don’t try to

figure that out, just psyche yourself up for the slopes with the Nike Snowboarding Special Edition Zoom DK QS Double Tongue Boot ($350). The unique double tongue system sets it apart from the original Nike Zoom Force 1 Boot, and the fierce motivational artwork is clearly inspired by the classic American dogfighting planes of years past.

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Club Favorite Feature Entertainer: Shay Lynn By: Ms. Misha Morê

Shay Lynn is one of a handful of Features in the circuit today I enjoy taking photos of and a joy to watch perform as well. The camera loves her magnetic personality. Exotic Shay Lynn is a busty sex kitten born in Michigan and currently lives in Vegas. Growing up, she was a little shy and describes herself a tomboy till high school. Shay went to the military for two years. She worked at a gay bar rainbow room and learned from the drag queens lessons in performing before entering the adult industry. Shay Lynn made her debut in the comedy called Skid Marks in 2006 and made her mark in the adult industry since then. A professional entertainer and performer with a list of accomplishments such as Shay’s is sure to be the consummate crowd pleaser in any venue. Shay enjoys nice and toned men and women. Her favorite genre of movies to do are horror. Her latest work is Slasher Gusher Crossbearer at the Chicago Film Fest three months ago. The wildest place she has had sex at was at an elevator hotel after a show and at a very kinky show at the Helsinki Convention. Shay Lynn has a passion for high heels, shopping, spas and exotic islands. Her favorite foods are pepperoni, green pepper and sausage pizzas. Her hobbies include gymnastics, snowboarding and working out. If stranded on an island, she would bring a vibrator and a radio. She would like someday to influence new talent in the adult entertainment industry. Her future plans is to have her own clothing line. Her ultimate fantasy is to fuck in space.

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Halloween & Party Expo By: Ms. Misha Morê There were over three hundred exhibitors that showcased the latest products to the industry’s best buyers at the Halloween Expo that incorporated many new events to draw in even more exhibitors and attending buyers. The wildly popular Halloween Costume Style-Show, produced by Lenz Talent of Las Vegas with participation from Dance Houston and attending exhibitors dazzled everyone again this year. For early risers, Early Bird Educational Seminars were available on a range of industry topics, such as: “Clever Cashand-Carry Balloon Designs,” “Make your Customer Service Contagious,” and “Social Media-It’s about Relationships.”

too early to plan your next Halloween or other theme parties because there are so many fun exciting new eyecandy products out there now for everyone to choose and get creative ideas from. But for now, enjoy these numerous visual tradeshow exhibitors, products, fashions and highlights at the Halloween and Party showcase.

There were plenty of exciting attractions on the show floor, too. Attendees sampled the New Product Areas, which showcased the hottest new products by exhibiting attendees. After a hard day of sales writing, attendees cooled their heels and listened to music at the Expo’s Boo-Hemian Lounge, or get a massage at the “Zen Den” and Green “Scream” Photo area. And the daily Guessing Contest Area and a cruise vacation for two added a touch of suspense and even more excitement to the show days. Over a hundred of the newest and most anticipated costumes and licenses flooded the stage amid pyrotechnics, an aerial artist and even a live snake. After the Halloween Costume Style Show Saturday evening, hundreds of people convened at Little Woodrow’s to mingle, dance and network on the sights and sounds of a professional video DJ. Attendees enjoyed the body painting sessions offered by Liquid Latex with one lucky party-goer being chosen randomly for an Xbox 360 Kinect. On Sunday afternoon, Dina Manzo, a former member of The Real Housewives of New Jersey and currently stars in her own party-planning show on HGTV, Dina’s Party made a special appearance for fans of the popular show. And on Monday afternoon, was the drawing of Leg Avenue’s Mini Coop car giveaway to one lucky winner. Many attendees were introduced to the ease and convenience of following the Expo on the Social Media Cafe. The show featured important and interesting information regarding the show as well as promotions and advertisements. So fellow revelers, it can never be

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: : Escorts : : Escorts : : Escorts : : Escorts : : Escorts : : Escorts : :

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: : Escorts : : Escorts : : Escorts : : Escorts : : Escorts : : Escorts : :

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: : Escorts : : Escorts : : Escorts : : Escorts : : Escorts : : Escorts : :

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ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,

has dresses in junior’s sizes. *** Girls at a catholic school are a diverse group. One girl may nibble at the forbidden fruit, and another may devour it core and all, but the nuns don't understand any of this because never seen the tree. ha,ha,ha,ha,ha they’ve * * * Giggle, Grin, Groan My perverted dictionary define submitted by: W. R. Maxwell Remember, send your funny jokes to ‘kiss’ as a contraction of the mouth wr_maxwell@hotmail.com due to an enlargement in the pants. and your bad jokes to *** wr_maxwell@hotmail.com (A German limerick) A young German farmer near Munich, One day *** wore a scarlet tunic, A bull took ofThings were looking up for this one fense, And now the poor gent’s, An old Arkansas moonshiner. Busiunfortunate Teutonic eunich. ness was so good, he started selling * * * his home brew in crockery instead “How much are the dogs?” asked of mason jars. The moonshiner's the little lady in the pet shop. The daughter was very proud of her owner replied, “The Pekinese bitch father's success. When she made is $50 and the Cocker Spaniel bitch deliveries, she'd carry 2 one gallon is $75.” Noticing the lady winched containers and say “How do you at the ‘b’ word, the salesman added, like my new jugs?” The teenage son “What’s the matter, madame, aren’t of one of a customer said, “They you familiar with the word ‘bitch’?” look pretty good, but bring 'em over The lady answered, “Of course, but here and let’s see how they taste.” I never heard it used in connection *** with dogs.” How is a call-girl who travels back *** and forth between customers in The aggie got back from his HawaiNew York and Miami like a Charles ian vacation and told all his aggie Dickens novel? (they are both a buddies, “I sure am glad to be back 'Tail of Two Cities.') home where a lay is a lay and not a *** bunch of flowers hung around your Uncle Hugh started a small night neck.” club in the late 50s. He was so un*** der capitalized, he could only afford They have a new coffee for really to hire 2 bunnies, but everything huge, athletic supporters, it’s called worked out fine – you know how Chock Fulla Nuts. rabbits multiply. *** *** An old hillbilly in Arkansas said, Three guys were all bragging about “There ain’t knutin nu under the their manly equipment. One guys sun. And those youngins are doin’ said his was like a foot-long hotdog, the same ol’ thang in the moonlight, the other said his was like a kielbasa too.” – long and curved. The third said *** his was like a fire breathing reptile – Three verbs walk into a bar; past, always a dragon. present and future. The situation *** was very tense. (from Peggy at the Which are better; hormones or theatre) vitamins? Hormones, 'cause you *** don't need vitamins if you can make “Getting old has some strange efa hor-mone. fects,” said the old sea captain. “Top *** side I feel wonderful, but down at (Another dirty limerick) A fruitthe waterline, I ain’t worth a damn.” eating fellow named Terry, Was *** eating a peach beside Mary, He said You know a girl is promiscuous “it tastes very good, I'd eat more if I when even a professional explorer could, But I prefer them more fuzzy can’t find a place where no man has than hairy. cum before. *** *** You know sexual promiscuity is out An old man heard that sesame seeds of control when the maternity shop will help his limp sex life. He went

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