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Voted America’s #1 Adult Weekly

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Taylor Vixen ;

Dallas’ own Penthouse Pet of the Year at

Club Plush by W.R. Maxwell

Taylor Vixen is a hometown girl who’s done good GREAT! She is from the DFW area and only started her exotic modeling career in 2009. So how did she start? With a great pair of natural breasts and a camera. It’s true. She is self discovered and her climb to the ‘Penthouse’ started with a few nude photos mailed to the magazine. She also sent pictures to Hustler and Playboy, but Larry Flint and Hugh Hefner must have been asleep at the switch that day. Since taking the erotic world by storm, she has been in over 50 xxx-videos, made dozens of personal appearances and has been on the Howard Stern show, twice.

While in Dallas she will be hosting the Naughty Santa Contest (hottest dressed lady in red and white fur) at:

Club Plush 1400 Main St. Dallas, 214-606-1203 www.plushdallas.com on Friday Dec. 23, she also found time to chat with me about what it means to be a sex-superstar. And after the first 10-seconds, it was painfully apparent to Miss Vixen (and me) that I do not have a clue on the ins and outs of sex-superstardom, but Taylor was kind enough to talk with me for 40-minutes anyway. What a sweet girl. If you guys have oggling over the cover, let me tell you, those hooters are 36 D to DD, but since my interview was over the phone, I could not get the exact dimensions. Taylor’s secret to a killer body is good genes, and lots of sex-ercise. Honest – she says the way

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she keeps in shape is with lots of sex. Makes you want to throw you stairmaster out the window, doesn’t it. Taylor confesses that she does not have a significant other person in her life at the moment but also she says she is not looking very hard. Okay guys and gals, here is what you have to do to score points with Taylor. 1) Be yourself; she really hates people who try too hard to impress her. 2) Be cute and in your late 20’s. 3) Enjoy snorkeling in Hawaii, but not spear fishing; she would rather photograph the fish. 4) Be a better than average beach volleyball player; she’s the set, you’re the spike, and finally 5) Give her lots of lip gloss in her Christmas stocking. Despite her sexy looks, Taylor is still on Santa’s ‘nice’ list, so she may not jump into bed with you right away. Between photos shoots and xxx video filming, Taylor dances at various gentlemen’s clubs around the country, so I guess if you have a private jet and an appreciation for good pole dancing, that might catch her interest. Miss Vixen is working on getting some time in the spotlight at a Dallas strip club in February, but details have not been finalized at this time. (Keep reading METRO ANE I’ll let you know where and when.) She has a performance – dance routine where she dresses as a sexy Judy Garland (Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz) but she needs co-stars for this act and will give consideration to people with a scarecrow, tin-man or cowardly lion costume, however, don’t come dressed as Toto. In the mean time Taylor will be hard to spot, because she does not drive a red Ferrari, wears plain jeans and covers her fantastic hooters with regular T-shirts; not a rhinestone or sequin anywhere. Images provided by:

taylorvixen.com

Editors note: Taylor Vixen will will also be at Jaguar’s Thursday night, Dec 22. FIRST 100 GUESTS to arrive will receive a COMPLIMENTARY AUTOGRAPHED Pinup of TAYLOR! Festivities kick off at 9pm with a 5-Star Buffet, Naughty Giveaways, Taylor Hosting Naughty Ms. Claus and Much More. Join Jaguars for DIRTY SANTA and his REINDEER GAMES! Voted America’s #1 Adult Weekly

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Voted America’s #1 Adult Weekly

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Adventures in the Erotic Underground ™ With The Not So Desperate Housewife

Hey kids, this is Mardi, “The Not So Desperate Housewife”. While it’s hard to believe that another year has come and gone, the good news for those of us who enjoy a little adult fun is that it’s time for another great New Year’s Eve celebration. With so many wild, crazy, and kinky NYE celebrations going on all over the Metroplex, the only problem will be deciding which one to attend. So, to get you started, here are just a few of the happenings around town that are likely to spice up your NYE celebration with something a little more exciting than the usual glass of champagne and another off-key, and slightly slurred, rendition of “Auld Lang Syne”. The newest couples club on the block Basic Instinct will be ringing in the new year with a Masked Ball. For more info see the ad to your right. Iniquity will be featuring a balloon drop at midnight with plenty of cash and prizes as well as the talents of world-renowned body painter Pashur. If you get tired of the outfit you wore to the party, Pashur can help you out with one of his gorgeous originals to wear home. I know from experience that while you may get a little bit chilly as he puts it on you, you’ll definitely be looking hot in one of his masterful creations when he’s done. The 13th Floor will also have a balloon drop and a buffet featuring prime rib and all the trimmings. Combined with their usual sexy fun, this is sure to help you ring in the new year in a very special way. The Velvet Curtain also has planned what promises to be a delicious buffet and they’ll have some interesting games and prizes. And for all you naughty boys and girls who like to party until dawn, they’ll be hosting an

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after party that’s sure to cause you to break a few New Year’s resolutions within a few hours of making them. After Midnight requests formal attire for their upscale NYE celebration complete with hors d’oeuvres and a champagne toast at midnight. They also have made arrangements with a local hotel and will have shuttle service to and from the club and an official after party for those who want to keep the party going. I know we’ve all been busy getting ready for the holidays and you may not have even thought about what you’re going to do on NYE but now is the time to decide, especially since all of these parties have discount pricing if you purchase your tickets in advance. Over the years I have attended many great NYE parties, including some listed above, and more than a few after parties that cropped up at hotels afterward. While NYE may be derided as “amateur night” by some of the more dedicated partiers among us, I am always impressed by the vigor with which many people celebrate this one night each year. NYE just seems to bring out a lot of pent up passions that many people don’t feel comfortable expressing on any other night with the exception, maybe, of Halloween. More than once we have made our way back to the hotel on NYE well into the early morning, only to find a spontaneous party has taken over an entire floor. People in various states of dress roaming the halls, doors propped open as party goers hop from room to room where makeshift bars and entertainment have been arranged, each with its own vibe and plenty of variety from which to choose. Say what you will, NYE does provide its own special, infectious sense of fun that seems to bring out the party animal in even the most “vanilla” party goers. Wherever you go, please be safe. Making arrangements for transportation and staying at a nearby hotel is always a great idea since you don’t have to drive and, in my experience, the craziest parties usually break out once everyone is back at the hotel anyway.

For more information on fun stuff happening around town this New Year’s Eve, check the latest copy of Metro or go to metroane.com Questions, comments or suggestions? Know of great places or events of interest to women or that need a woman’s perspective? Contact me at eroticunderground@gmail.com Voted America’s #1 Adult Weekly

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ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,

Giggle, Grin, Groan

submitted by: W. R. Maxwell

(Send your most tasteless, dirtiest and sickest jokes to wr_maxwell@ hotmail.com . If printed, it will prove I am not the only one with a twisted sense of humor.) A man is stopped by the police around 2 A.M. and is asked where he is going at this time of night. The man replies, “I am on my way to a lecture about the evils of alcohol, tobacco, gambling and burlesque.” The officer then asks, “Really? Who would be giving a lecture like that at this time of night?” The man replies, “That would be my wife.” ********** If the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the ‘Jags’ and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the ‘Bucs,’ does that make the Tennessee Titans the ‘Tits’? ******** The following deep thoughts are from ‘uncle’ Jack in Paris, Texas. *** If the people from Poland are called ‘Poles’, why aren’t people from Holland called ‘Holes’? *** Do the employees at the Lipton Tea factory take coffee breaks? *** If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would the new company be called Fed UP? *** At the DMV, what hair color do they put on the driver’s license of a bald man? *** You never really learn to cuss until you learn to drive! *** If a person who plays the piano is called a pianist, why isn’t a person who drives a race car called a racist? *** If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea, does that mean that fifth person enjoys it? *** If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? *** When lawyers get in trouble, they are disbarred and when clergymen get in trouble they are defrocked, so doesn’t it follow that cowboys are deranged, tree surgeons debarked, dry cleaners depressed and prostitutes delayed? *** There are 3 universal religious truths: 1) The Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah, 2) The Protestants do not recognize the Pope as

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the leader of Christians, and 3) The Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store. ********* In Saudi Arabia, this week a woman was executed for being a witch. This explains why our Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton, has not visited Saudi Arabia. ********* Of the presents received at Christmas, 10% will be broken by the New Year, only 50% will make it to March but amazingly, 15% will be intact after 12 months, where upon they will be rewrapped and re-gifted to someone else. ********* How do you know Santa Claus is a man? No woman is going to wear the same outfit year after year! ********* At the north pole, when Santa takes the male reindeer out on Christmas Eve the female reindeer go into town, and blow a few bucks. ********* Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? Because the little guys in the back room do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit. ********* A reindeer walks into a bar in Texas and orders a martini. Without batting an eye, the bartender mixes the drink, sets it in front of the reindeer and accepted the $20 bill from the reindeer’s hoof. As the bartender hands the reindeer some coins in change, he says “You know, I think you’re the first reindeer I’ve ever seen in here.” The reindeer looks at the few coins he received as change and says, “Let me tell you something, buddy. At these f_ _king prices, I’m the last reindeer you’ll see in here.” ********** The average wage of a shopping mall Santa is $11 per hour; however, a Santa with a real beard makes $20. ********** To deliver 1 gift to every child in the world in 1 night, Santa would have to make 822.6 visits per second and his sleigh would be traveling at 3,000 times the speed of

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sound. Due to the air friction at that speed, Santa and his reindeer would burst into flames. ********** Sometimes on Christmas Eve, it is so cold Santa has to jumpstart the reindeer. ********** Q; What do you get if you cross a Playboy Bunny and Santa Claus? A: A thank you card from Santa. ********** While it is true that the name Santa Claus was an American ‘invention’ sometime before 1870.  The original name for the ‘figure’ associated with the mid-winter festival was Saint Nicholas, or St. Nick. Also, Santa’s red coat is modern. Before 1860 he wore a green coat and to this day, the Russian Father Christmas wears a blue coat. ********** The 5 Signs there is Trouble In Santa’s Marriage 5. Mrs. Claus calls him “that fat freak in the red underwear”. 4. He traded in his sleigh for a van

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with a waterbed. 3. He’s been spending a little too much time with the life-sized holiday Barbie. 2. Stockings aren’t the only things he’s been nailing in front of the fireplace. 1. Not a creature is stirring except in Santa’s pants. ********* When do kids stop believing in Santa Claus? When they start getting clothes for Christmas. ********* A little girl is on Santa’s lap, Santa asks her, “And what would you like for Christmas?” The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped: “Santa, Didn’t you get my E-mail?” ******** A little girl goes to see Santa Claus at the local shopping mall where she tells Santa, “I want a Barbie and a GI Joe.” Santa replies, “But Barbie comes with Ken.” “No, Barbie only ‘cums’ with GI Joe! She’s been faking it with Ken.” ********

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THE HARD SCORE them. Phil Jackson’s triangle offense in the NBA and Peyton Manning’s offense with Indy.

So, it’s almost Christmas, and for the sports minded of you out there it’s been a year filled of naughty and nice, with severe highs and lows liberally tossed around. As usual we have teams ranging from the poor to the powerful, one of which has been let off the hook, one exalted on high, one accused of having magic, and everything else in-between. Let’s take a look around the league. Who was let off the hook, and for no apparent good reason? The Indianapolis Colts. You betcha. How? Nobody made them accountable for flat out quitting. Why? Because the media and analysts gave them a pass because of Peyton Manning not playing. I’m not exactly sure when the last time Peyton played defense, maybe second grade, but he sure as hell didn’t play on that Colts defense with several ProBowlers, and they gave up the game, the season, and the team. Did they get nailed in the media for it? Not a bit. Oh, I barked at their heel’s a time or three but I’m not ESPN, the NFL channel, or the big media so it didn’t make a nudge on them. What contributed to the Colts failure? Success. That’s right. Success is a known factor in business failures because the leadership didn’t know how to plan for it nor how to accommodate it. Indy didn’t make any plan B’s in case their star QB ever went missing, how’s that for brilliant? Who was exalted on high? Obviously the Green Bay Packers. How did they get there? Well, remember when the leadership began making plans for life without Favre? They brought in Aaron Rodgers, whom Bret promptly and steadfastly ignored. Then

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when the time came, yep, they phased the Old Gunslinger out (not to a chorus of boos but from an entire symphony orchestra), and put the reins in the youngsters hands. They didn’t make the playoffs his first year, but won the Super Bowl his second, and are making the case to go back and win it again this year for their second in a row. Favre never went back to back and didn’t take two rings home. Who’s been accused of having magic, or maybe even divine intervention? Ah, yes, the Denver Broncos. I have to concede that there definitely has been some sleight of hand going on, and that’s when Denver dumped Orton and began molding an offense that would play to Tebow’s skill set. Some may want to claim wizardry for those fourth quarter rallies and wins, but the real rabbit in that hat was the opponents breaking down on defense and making some poor offensive decisions. That, and a schedule against weakened teams. What do all three have in common? The different way they use their systems. There’s an old saying in organizations and that’s “it’s not the system that fails the people but the people that fail the system”. That of course is ludicrous and used by people who are weak and need a structure because they’re deficient in making decisions in live situations. A system should be a guide line not a fixed plan, and the strength of it should be the coaches with the ability to flex it to the people playing in it. Green Bay is a great example of coaches being able to modify their system and game plans to fit the abilities of the players they have available. Is there an example of a system that’s great but has a dark side? Yes, two of

Jackson developed the triangle offense with the Chicago Bulls and won several rings there with Jordan, then moved the show to LA and won with Kobe. Just what do you think is going to happen now that Phil’s retired and the new coach has to put a new system in because he doesn’t know the triangle? That ain’t a transition for the coach to a new system, that’s a transition for the Lakers away from the triangle they’ve used for many years. That’s the dark side and the train wrecks on its way. LA had no contingency plan for losing the triangle, or Phil. Smart, huh? Peyton Manning and Colts (then) offensive coordinator Tom Sullivan developed the offense used by Indy. It’s not just a no huddle, it has Peyton totally involved with the game planning and calling the plays on his own, not taking directions from the sideline. No other NFL QB has the license to do this, and, unlike QB’s of old, never had that freedom of decision making. Yes, they can all audible at the line, but that’s a different situation. The dark side? Manning can’t play and there’s been absolutely no development of a backup QB to this. Why? Aside from the fact the Colts lost all sense of how to keep an organization functioning through continued development? Mostly because what Manning does can only be learned through experiencing it in live action. Denver was basically put into a position, because of losing games early and fan pressure, of having to dump their lead QB and system, then promote Tebow up and come up with a plan that fit Tebow’s skill set. The good news? Obviously they’ve enjoyed some success with it. Is there a dark side? Sure. How many QB’s ever come up available that have Tebow’s physical stature and running

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ability? Not very many. And it wouldn’t be like finding another Vick. Why? Because of the pounding Vick takes is already shortening his career. No, if Denver wanted to keep the kind of system they are developing, they’d have to draft and develop another Tebow style QB. That’s just simply not possible. So what position does that leave Denver in? Not a good one. QB’s take unprotected shots anyway, but those that run take even more. Tebow’s career expectancy is only 3-4 years. Indy’s offense players had only played Peyton ball, so they were forced to change to a system that none had used in years, most since college. If Denver decides to stay with Tebow’s option game, they’ll find themselves in the same situation. The question that has to be asked right now is, are you ready for what Santa’s bringing you this coming Christmas weekend? On Saturday you have a heavy duty NFL and NHL lineup, and on Sunday you get an NFL game and the beginning of the NBA season. You don’t have to go to bed Christmas Eve waiting for some sugar plum fairies dancing in your head, which oughta make you nervous anyway, but after a day’s worth of some great football and hockey action to relive, and thoughts of the NBA cranking it up. Man, here we go. NFL Week 15 review For those that don’t think Dallas did enough against Tampa Bay because they didn’t add another 28 points during the second half, well, you don’t know that much about what you’re watching. Dallas allowed a couple of trash TD’s, but they had that game totally under control and they did it with

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: TheHardScore : TheHardScore : TheHardScore : Ware and Ratliff out the second half. Piling on the points served no purpose. The Titans loss to Indy was the most bizarre upset out there, even over the Giants and Jets losses. Tennessee fans have every right to be calling for Chris Johnson’s head. They probably won’t get it, but they can look under the tree for it. Because of some teams slow starts, injuries to others, and the Giants inconsistency, whoever wins the NFC East will face either the Falcons or Lions. Yep, they own the two wild cards and nobody else is near taking them. The Cowboys should take the East, regardless of how hard the east coast media want to try and insert the Eagles into the mix. Philly wins one game and now they’re owners of the East? Please. Baltimore’s loss to San Diego, while weird, wasn’t totally unexpected and neither was Pittsburgh’s loss to the 49ers. The Ravens hiccup at odd times, and Ben’s high ankle sprain, unless he recovers quick (which isn’t the nature of those things), is going to cost the Steelers. Week 16

ers (7-7, road 4-3) at Chiefs (6-8, home 3-4); Cardinals (7-7, road 2-5) at Bengals (8-6, home 3-3); Giants (7-7, road 4-3) at Jets (8-6, home 6-1); and, Dolphins (5-9, road 2-5) at Patriots (11-3, home 5-1). What Ravens team is going to show up, and do they lose it again? The Bills have a decent defense but it’s more about how the Broncos respond, and now they have all three of their division foes hot on their heels. Oakland’s defense has picked the wrong time of the season to grow pickles between the ears and the Chiefs are on an emotional high. Arizona has a tough top tier defense that has gained confidence, but the Bengals are pushing the one AFC wild card that’s left on the table. Miami’s defense is hoping to catch New England in a wee bit of a slump after that emotional win over Denver, but Brady knows he has to win out to get the bye and home field both. Here’s what’s either gonna be a hell’uva game or stupid and the problem for us, and them, is none of us know which it’s gonna be. The Giants and Jets each are in must win situations and there’s no down playing it, the question is, will they? 3:15 CST

Thursday 7:20 CST Texans (10-4, road 5-2) at Colts (1-13, home 1-6). Houston’s going to use this to give Yates more experience with the offense, that’s about all for this one. Saturday Christmas Eve Day Noon CST Ten games to fill your stockings with care: four that don’t matter and require a clothespin for the nose, and six that for different reasons hold interest. Don’t bother: Vikings (2-12, road 1-6) at Redskins (5-9, home 2-5); Bucs (4-10, road 1-5) at Panthers (5-9, home 2-5); Rams (2-12, road 2-6) at Steelers (10-4, home 6-1); and, Jag’s (4-10, road 1-6) at Titans (7-7, home 4-3). No, the Rams aren’t a trap. Let’s get ‘er goin: Browns (4-10, road 1-6) at Ravens (10-4, home 7-0); Broncos (86, road 5-2) at Bills (5-9, home 4-3); Raid-

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It may be cold out, and some of you may have snow or even a blizzard, but you better have taken the morning to heat the grills and get things fired up because these are the action games of the day. Chargers (7-7, road 2-4) at Lions (9-5, home 4-3); 49ers (11-3, road 4-2) at Seahawks (7-7, home 4-3); and, Eagles (6-8, road 4-3) at Cowboys (8-6, home 5-2). Detroit is hosting a San Diego team that’s found the switch and they need one more win to protect the wild card spot. The Chargers need some luck and some division losses but they’re hungry while the others are hiccupping. The 49ers want the win to get the second bye week but Seattle’s pushing incase Atlanta or Detroit falls. Philly’s coming to Dallas. The Cowboys have no intention of letting the Eagles play spoiler and are going to exact revenge for that earlier beat down. This will be a game. Sunday

consistent public display of his faith? And what of the NFL’s attempts to stop any and all religious displays?

Christmas Day 7:20 CST With the Bears minus their QB and lead rusher this isn’t what Santa was supposed to deliver, especially when Green Bay’s looking to bounce. Bears (7-7, road 2-4) at Packers (13-1, home 6-0). Chicago’s owners and lead personnel people have ruined this team. Flat out ruined it. Maybe Santa will bring new suits. Monday Night Football After a day of playing with your new toys, you wanted to sit back and have fireball tossed into your den to liven it up. Well, it’s here. Falcons (9-5, road 4-3) at Saints (11-3, home 6-0). This is a key division game with New Orleans battling to get the second bye, and Atlanta’s fighting Detroit for the second wild card. This will make that rum eggnog go down a lot smoother. Readers Response: Two Dogs: If the Colts take Luck first ini the draft, will they keep Manning? Should they? They need a running game and defenes. Ranze Talladega Ranze: I don’t know, and probably not. Keeping Peyton would be a lot of weight on the purse strings, and even with a cap on the rookies the two combined would take a lot of space. I know Manning’s a great quarterback but here’s the deal, at least in my mind, he’s got the only offense of its kind. Here’s the question: do you want Luck to develop as his own QB or as a clone of Manning to run that system? Look what happened this year and Painter had been around that offense for a couple of years, but from the sidelines with Manning running it. That’s where Luck would be, on the sidelines with Peyton running it. Indy may have to change its system and if it does, Manning’s out, or should be. TD Two Dogs: In your opinion, has Tim Tebow made a positive or negative impact with the

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Raylene Dallas Raylene: You know what might help you is if you actually did some research before asking dumb questions. Athletes at all levels have been expressing their thanks to God for decades and Tim is just one more that shows his faith. The NFL has a rule that prohibits players from going to the ground in celebration after a scoring a touchdown, but allows those who wish to give thanks to touch their knee to the ground without penalty. That, in my book, is allowing them preferential treatment over others, which is a sign of respect not persecution. TD Two Dogs: Tebow’s total confidence in his faith and his words has allowed him to turn an entire team and organization around. You’re like all the others that can’t stand a faith based winner. Tarrin Azle Tarrin: The only thing Tebow’s said that I disagree with is when he strongly claimed that “in the fourth quarter, will not skill, is what wins”. Really? That’s just about the stupidest comment I’ve heard, and believe me, in sports you hear really dumb comments all the time. So the loss to the Patriots meant what, that they didn’t have any will in the fourth? Not enough will? Their will was weaker than the Patriots? That’s just stupid talk. What he said denies the training and experience and coaching that got him on the team and playing as a starter. At a certain point your mind and body take over all the “training” that you go through and you begin to execute without thinking of each move, this can allow you to aggressively go after a target without thinking of the steps. But to say you can win with will not skill is just college rah rah crap that works with juveniles and shows just how much more little Timmy has to grow up to succeed in the pros. TD

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Agent Provocateur $24,000 ‘Playsuit’ is most expensive ‘bondage-style lingerie’

of hand-embellishment…It’s really fun…I get to use very beautiful fabrics.”

Agent Provocateur, has launched its high end ‘Soiree’ collection that consists of a Playsuit which costs $24,000. Agent Provocateur is well known amongst elite circles for its sexy lingeries, and this time the brand has created one of the hottest playsuits ever. This kinky lingerie is handmade form tassels and Swarovski glass beads. This piece has been quoted as “ultraluxurious” by the creative director of Agent Provocateur Sarah Shotton. He says: “It’s about dressing up, luxury and a lot

The 2013 Mercedes-Benz SL

($TBA) is all-new, shaving 300 pounds in the process, while adding a more powerful, economical V8

engine producing 429 hp and a 0-60 time of 4.5 seconds, a new front fascia with upright nose, the Magic Vision Control intelligent and highly efficient wipe/wash system, and the new FrontBass system, which integrates the sound system into the body itself. Arriving just in time for 2012’s drop-top season.

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orilla gadgets odd : cool : interesting : insane stuff!

Agent Provocateur playsuit The Soiree’ collection was actually launched two years ago but was

2012 JAGUAR XKR-S CONVERTIBLE The fastest rag-top in Jaguar’s lineup, the XKR-S is the fastest Jaguar convertible ever, featuring a supercharged 5.0L V8 good for 550hp, a 0-60 time of 4.2 seconds, and a top speed of 186 mph, as well as an aggressive front end treatment, suspension upgrades galore, a high performance

braking system, and 20-inch wheels.

www.jaguarusa.com

sold in selected AP boutiques. ing that there are people who are Now the collection has been willing to spend around launched $20,000 to $30,000 on online and lingerie shopping. the brand is selling Agent Provocateur is faeverything mous for creating some of – right the most amazing lingerie from $312 and had earlier launched knickers this collection in New to $24,000 York at an extravagant leather fashion show exclusively playsuit. for the brand in 2009. The playThe collection featured suit is on seductive models clad in sale excluskimpy lingeries studded sively at with crystals and sparHarrods, kling nipple cap. Each and which every item of the The Bullet also from Agent Provocateur is collection is high known priced and already for exists in many retailing most expensive items. The celebrity wardrobes. company justifies the high price of www.agentprovocateur.com the bondage style playsuit by stat-

Cold War Era Intercontinental Ballistic Missile Silo/ Adirondack Airpark MISSLE SILO-Home Built on Former

acres NEW LIST PRICE $125,000. 7 Building Lots Ranging From 3 -9 Acres Overlooking White Face Mountain NEW LIST PRICE $68,000 Per Lot. PHASE 2 (125 Acres of Land) NEW LIST PRICE $150,000. Log Home on 4.1 Acres with Runway Access for Airplane NEW LIST PRICE

Missile Base (19.20 Acres) Offering Underground Living & Access to Missile Silo NEW LIST PRICE $750,000

$259,000.

Aircraft Hanger Building on 10.75

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Voted America’s #1 Adult Weekly

Total Package $ 1,760,000

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Spanksgiving Festival 2 Gallery II By: Ms. Misha Morê

The Black Widow Burlesque hosted a night of exotic entertainment at the ND Venue. Black Widow Burlesque was founded in January of 2009 and has since grown to be one of Austin’s most popular and diverse troupe of burlesque beauties. Since it’s inception these ladies have burst onto the Austin burlesque scene and been seen at events such as Erotic Carnival, Austin Variety Show, Hot Rods and Heels, KLBJ Pleasurefest, Dallas Burlesque Festival and many more spectacular shows across Texas. The spectacular list of performers at this year’s festivities are as follows: Ginger Snaps, Miss Fahrenheit, Betty Blue, Lily LaFleur, Sailor Cherry (Black Widow Burlesque), Coco Lectric, Goldie Candela, Pearl Lux, Ruby Lamb (The Jigglewatts Burlesque), Sherry Bomb, Mistress Charlie, Lilly White, Strawberry Tart, Pixie Stick, Ferrah R. Ray, Dolce Dream (Bay City Bombshells), and Gemini Galactic, Merci Fa’tale, Norah Leans (Head Over Heels Burlesque). Other burlesque and variety performers included: Double Down Dixie, Eva Strangelove (NZ), Delia Dread, Breathless LaBelle, Remi Martini, Stephan (San Antonio), Lashonda Lester (Comedy), Hank E. Panky (Aerialist), Jade Love (Glow Poi), Mojo Queen (60s Girl Quartet), Andrea VonFrankenstein, Buffy, Cardinal Cyn, Duke City Gypsy, Queertini Time and Smalls McCoy. The emcee this particular evening was Nicole Lucas who did a fantastic job and provided some comic relief. And many thanks to the great line up of sponsors: Cindies, Dreamers, Gourmet Body Treats, Kumillion Lingerie, Casa de los Muertos, BASH photobooth and The Austin Academy of Burlesque for making this event the best it can be.


A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, ‘Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there? The father, surprised, answers, ‘Well, son, there are three kinds of boobs: In her 20’s, a woman’s are like melons, round and firm. In her 30’s to 40’s, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions’. ‘Onions?’ ‘Yes, you see them and they make you cry.’ This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said,’ Mum, how many kinds of ‘willies’ are there? The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, ‘Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In his 20’s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30’s and 40’s, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50’s, it is like a Christmas Tree.’ ‘A Christmas tree?’

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