Do it – or don’t – yourself feeling handy? that sense of accomplishment may be hard-earned “Remember, if the women don’t find you handsome, they should at least find you handy.” – Canadian comedian Red Green
I
am pretty sure there are only a handful of people in the Methow Valley who couldn’t build a 7,500-square-foot, threestory McMansion in two days with only a pick-up load of 2x4s, some duct tape, a measuring tape and a framing nailer. This is handy land. Everybody knows how to do everything. We’ve got lefthanded monkey wrenches and buckets of elbow grease. We have hydraulics and pneumatics and big rigs and dovetail jigs. We turn
monster Doug firs into tea tables with pocket knives while splicing cable with one hand, sweating copper elbows with the other and mixing sheet rock mud with the other. But if by some bad stroke of dumb luck you were asleep or deep in a Gucci daydream during the briefing, this is for you, you happy few wannabe do-ityourselfers. I am an English major, and if I can do it, so can you. Trust me. I know toward from towards. I’ve just spent the last eight months being pretty much a full-time remodeler. I’ve learned a lot, and not always the easy way. I have gained a huge appreciation
for the expertise of the people who do this for a living. I’ve spent some pretty harrowing and depressing moments sitting there thinking, “I’m a moron and I’m screwed.” But in each case I’ve sucked it up and got it done. I stiffened a floor with a 16-inch laminated beam levered down the basement through a coal chute, set ceramic tile, installed electric radiant heat, opened up barn door-sized passageways, hung pocket doors, re-did some plumbing, painted, varnished, laid hardwood flooring, epoxied a shop floor, added electrical outlets, wainscoted a dining room, hung drywall, taped and skip-troweled, installed light fixtures, smashed
By Patrick McGann
Illustration by Erik Brooks
thumbs, glued fingers together, broke 107 drill bits,
scared the beejeepers out of my cats, and somehow man-
Land Use/Development Permits Master/Landscape Plans Highest & Best Use/Valuation Trail Designs 38 years experience in WA State, 28 years in Okanogan County
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