Cross equals love edition September 2019

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OIRS

I ns pi r at i onal Li f es t y l e Magaz i ne

Memoirs Inspire += Fashion +Style lley 5 Fashion forward

The cross a sync of Love, Forgiveness &more.

Date ideas.

Communication la ClĂŠ Talking in Marriage & Relationship.

Pamper me: Spa treat Manicure in the comfort of your home.

Ex lusive on A From Ghetto to Graced

Relax… 2|Page

CONTENTS SEPTEMBER 2019/VOLUME 2/ISSUE 2

ON THE COVER Memoirs DIY SPA 8 Pamper me: Home style manicure 14 Cross equals love Memoirs MEET 27 From Ghetto to Graced Exclusive feature on Afy Douglas Memoirs Inspire 43 Communication la Clé FASHION AND STYLE ALLEY 67 5+ Fashion tips & Date ideas

MEMOIRS INSPIRE 5 Greatest Love 40 The Book Stand 53 Why We Act the Way We Do

LIFESTYLE FEATURES Memoirs Homes 19 Home Décor this season Memoirs Health 21 I Am Physically Fit 49 Memoirs Delicious Recipes For the love of grills & street food 3|Page

Editor‟s Note Reflecting on the theme for this edition I recalled every year at Easter the Hillsong church champions a campaign tagged “Cross equals love” to simply tell the world Jesus did all He did to show us His love for us. Following this, for our second edition this year we considered two highlight events of the first quarter of the year Valentines’ and Easter and found a unique correlation, “Love”. Fusing the thoughts together we decided to adopt the “Cross Equals Love” as the theme for this edition. Therefore, every article is poised to tell a story of Love in different dimensions; Love from God, for God, for ourselves and for the people we are privileged to have in our lives.

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Every edition is a journey, we start out with simple words and nudges here and there, as we take steps we find God in the midst of it; we see His finger, we see His hand in things, we feel the warmth of His embrace, encouraging us to carry on. Truth is we wouldn’t be here without You- Jesus…

This is indeed my heart when I reflect on this edition of Memoirs Magazine because the love of God towards us is so profound.

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Email:memoirsofa21stcenturyprov31 woman@yahoo.com Follow:@memoirspr31

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or a start we have lined up beautiful pieces on the love; from God and for God. It is true that several love stories have been celebrated at several points in history, but the greatest of all love stories is what this edition centres on with our piece “Greatest love”. As we explore the practicalities of the love of God and how powerful this is. Similar to this is one of my favourites, an article “Cross equals love” ; which puts a spot light on a not so popular miracle of Jesus which has so much insight on the power of love and forgiveness. Want to know why it is my favourite? Well it taught me a lot about the role forgiveness plays in love, so for more flip the pages and delve in. Moving on It gets even better! With another favourite of mine as the spot light of Memoirs Meet beamed on the renowned award-winning “Saviour” crooner Afy Douglas. It was our immense privilege to have him share with us on his journey coming from A Ghetto to being Graced and to draw from his wealth of wisdom and insight as a seasoned Award winning gospel music minister. This is one piece you do not want to miss for anything.

Next, are articles on loving yourself and yours; Are you up for some ‘you’ loving? Remember to love you is wealth, plus a healthy you is a wealthy you, and a healthy you is an active you. No need to worry about how as Memoir Health has this covered, with an article that tells you just how. More on you and meus, ‘ I love me just for me, but why do I act the way I do ?’ find out a bit more about yourself and others in our insightful piece “Why we act the way we do”? we have got a quiz right afterwards. Another piece to watch out for is the lovely Memoirs DIY SPA “Pamper Me” which explores tips on how to pull off a spa style home Manicure and pedicure treat. Off to loving your personal space ‘your home’ as we take a look at “ Home Décor this season “ on Memoirs Homes.

Additionally, we zoomed in on some pieces to enhance our relationship with loved ones and particularly our significant other. To kick this off is something in the language of love “Communication la Cle” – fear not the piece is in English – it simply outlines helpful tips for effective communication. Likewise, on “The Bookstand” are featured great reads for everyone; husband or wife in waiting or married and for wherever you are on this journey of Love and relationships.

More sparks to the fire as, we share Date ideas and tips to step out in style on Memoirs Fashion and Style Alley .

Finally, something refreshing to eat and drink on Memoirs Delicious Recipes bringing your favourite grilled street food to the comfort of your home with “For the love of grills” not your favourite? Promise you it would soon make the list and top it.

Massive gratitude goes to God my source, help and everything. The entire memoirs magazine team, ‘Mrs Paul’ -Sharon PaulOjinigbo -,Editor- Lifestyle section for your brilliant and creative touch on your article Memoirs Homes. Thank you for being beyond a friend, being so warm and simply amazing. A huge thank you to Award winning Music minister Afy Douglas for the privilege to sit and glean from the wealth of wisdom you have been graced with. By God’s grace everyone we have had the privilege to interview has been a transforming experience and we can say the same for this interview. Only you felt like our uncle, sharing your life testimony with no air, down to earth and it really blessed us to have this privilege. Thank you sir we appreciate you immensely. Final thanks goes to you for constantly downloading and being a part of our journey so far, as always It means billions to us and so thanks a billion. Every edition is a Journey this one is no exception and so on this journey we hope to deliver an experience with not just sights, but sounds.

Hence, do look out for audio attachments on the upcoming pages.

Enjoy our best edition yet

Love

Tamunoboma Ikiriko

Greatest Love S

ometimes we try to lay down our lives for certain people and find ourselves picking it back up, as we run out of strength to even bear our own burdens and always need grace. Yet, one man bore burdens, betrayals and more. Also, when misunderstood in that heated argument or that rather friendly debate on what is better or who did what best? It usually comes down to the point where you say “no you do not seem to understand what I meant when I said …” For some that statement marks the end of the argument, for some others it is the beginning of the end of a relationship or friendship. Boy! was He misunderstood so

many times in His life time and beyond still, He loved and continues to love. He waits patiently for the perfection of His bride and for some, a lost bride unaware that she has a groom who is eagerly waiting to have her receive His love. A love so deep we cannot get under it, so high cannot get over it, so wide cannot get around it … because this great love, the greatest love, is always there.

A song writer refers to it as reckless, such an abundant love, it envelops you beyond your every scar, hurt, pain or disappointments… so much so it amazes you how you are a recipient of this love and how undeserving of such love you seem yet, He thought you were deserving of Him.

Love So Powerful It Heals …

“Jesus loves me this I know, for the bible tells me so, Little ones to Him belong they are weak but, He is strong”

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Memoirs Inspire

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nce a minister from Oregon was appointed as the counsellor

at a state mental institution, upon his arrival he was to be in a padded cell alongside a group of the facilities clients. Some of who were so ill they had difficulty coordinating bowel functions, as a result the cell had a stench. Attempts to engage these clients resulted in groans, moans and some laughed, as Most of the people there could not communicate or take care of themselves physically. Then, the Holy Spirit prompted him to get in the centre of the cell and sing the above popular children’s song on the love of Jesus. He sang for an hour it appeared nothing happened the first day, he continued still over the subsequent weeks singing with an even greater conviction.

Surprisingly, the clients joined in singing one after the other. At the end of his first month there, 36 of these clients underwent transfers to the self-care ward .In a year all save two clients had been discharged from the facility Just by simply singing of His love. *culled up from Power of Right Believing by Joseph Prince That love which made Him take those stripes deliberately for our wholeness.

Imagine a boy who was being bullied by a school mate and he goes home to get his big brother to face this bully. On getting to the bully the brother realises this bully is twice his size and rather fierce, he turns to his brother and whispers “why did you miss out the part where he is twice my size?” Turns to the bully and says “hi by the way I am Jim Luke’s brother, I just thought to say please do not bully my bother anymore. I felt to come see you in person to plead with you, thank you so much “ Now Jim as a wise big brother saved himself the embarrassment of been beaten up /bullied by his younger brother‘s bully, he would not even as much as take a blow for his brother. Thank God that Is not the case for us, even when Jesus struggled in the garden of gethsemane He submitted His Feelings and every hurt He felt to God’s will, Laying down His life for us all instead.

Sacrificial love

He was rich, yet He became poor so that … 2 Cor 8:9 A popular UK reality show ‘Famous, Rich And Homeless’ features rich celebrities paired with homeless people on the streets of the United Kingdom. One of the aims is to get them to empathise with them, basically help them get off the streets and start earning enough to keep them off the streets. There are certain rules though, one is, you have to leave the comfort of your luxury home and live on the streets with the homeless person paired with. An interesting pair was two men after spending time trying to adapt to the life on the street, the celebrity got fed up and checked into a hotel with his partner.

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Up until that time this partner had not had access to such in a rather long period of time. Although, he was previously well off before going bankrupt and commencing living on the streets. His celebrity partner gave up because, he was not accustomed to living on the street, and the discomforts overwhelmed him. This is merely switching standards of living within the same country possibly even the same city not to compare leaving Heaven where there is no illness, no lack, no worries, no one is in a “mood”, it is joy all the way to mention a few. Plus, Jesus was not an angel He is God, He left all that to take up a more inferior life nothing like what He was used to, made such a huge sacrifice to make things happen for us. Interestingly He did not quit on us even when the experience was so overwhelming

Patient love “You loved me till You loved me to the truth, yes you love me like you …” Donnie Mcclurkin ‘All I ever really wanted ‘ A love that is patient, looks beyond flaws, does not give up on you, stays strong walking you through and through till you become all God has designed you to be. A love that is not judgemental of your actions, understands “we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathise with our weaknesses, but, was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin * Heb 4:15…” “Grace teaches us to say no to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age*Titus 2:12

Memoirs Inspire

“The truth is that the love of God is simply amazing” “but as people sinned more and more, God’s wonderful grace became more abundant. Rom 5:20b …

Picture a woman who came out at a time when she will be alone to draw water from the well. Obviously, she had something she was hiding away from, but love Himself was there waiting in time to show her the way out of the situation she was in. He deliberately sat there waiting for her and with one conversation she was bold to run into the city and tell of Jesus.

Love Conversations

‘I have loved you with an everlasting love’, Jer 31:3 ‘you are the apple of My eyes’ Zec 2:8, I have you engraved on my palm ... Isaiah 49:16 We see lovers get excited about each other and go on to make permanent tattoos of each other or each other’s names. Sometimes they are stuck with it even when that relationship is over, even greater God has us tattooed on His palm.

The truth is the love of God is simply amazing, God is love personified if you

feel you have not received this love and want to have this love relationship. Simply say “ Thank You Lord for loving me this way and the price you paid for me to be free in Your love , I believe Jesus died for my sins , He was buried, resurrected and is seated at the right hand of God . I repent of my sins to receive Your forgiveness and the new life You have for me .Today I receive Your love and receive you as my Lord and Saviour. Please help me continue to bask in Your love as You mould me lovingly into the person you made me to be , I love You Lord , thank You for loving me”.

Congratulations you are now in a love relationship with God and you can boldly call Him your Father. You need a church family just like when a baby is born and needs a family and a continuous commitment to this relationship. We would love to hear from you and help you in this beautiful journey you just began.

Simply email us or send us a message on any of our social media platforms.

Remember God loves you.

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“Interestingly, sitting position is significant for a stunning finish�

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Unwind

Cross Equals ove L

ove is amazing, just as it is funny to wink at someone you love in the dark, the same sentiment backs our usual tendency to want to go public about how we feel about the people we love. The crucifixion of Jesus centres on the greatest love expression gone public and so we zoom into a not so popular scene of one very profound moment leading up to it.

In the time of Jesus’ ministry on earth , He performed so many miracles, healed the sick; made whole haemorrhage, opened blind eyes , restored withered hands, cleansed lepers, raised the dead to mention but a few . Nonetheless, one miracle stands out as slightly uncommon, not quite often discussed, but all so amazing and reflecting the immense love of a saviour who loved(s) those who intended to crucify Him. The recipient of this was a member of the betrayal entourage, Judas, you guessed?

Interestingly, we were not told his name or his reaction to this miracle. He was only in this situation for a few minutes quite a short time and before he could even begin to think of how to live with the situation, Jesus in His love steps in. It is an example 14 | P a g e

of a love move not for the faint hearted, but for love Himself. In our world today only by God’s grace and help could this even be a consideration thankfully we have His grace and Him available to help us .What miracle is this? Here it goes …

“And while he was still speaking, behold a multitude, and he who was called Judas, one of the twelve, went before them, and drew near to Jesus to kiss him. But Jesus said to him, Judas, are you betraying the Son of Man with a kiss? When those around Him saw what was going to happen, they said to Him, Lord, shall we strike with the sword? And one of them struck the servant of the high priest, and cut off his right ear And Jesus answered and said, “Permit even this”. And he touched his ear, and healed him. Then Jesus said to the chief priests, and captains of the temple, and the elders who had come to him, have you come out, as against a robber, with swords and club?

When I was with you in the temple, you did not try to seize Me ,but this is your hour, and the power of darkness”. Having arrested Him, they led him, and brought

Memoirs Inspire him into the high priest's house.

But, Peter followed at a distance.”

Luke 22:47-54NKJV What are your thoughts; if you were Jesus would you have done same? Or just simply walked past and pretend you did not see the man’s ear chopped off or you would go forward to somehow give thumbs up for being proactive to your (His) disciples. After all the sword’s man did not wait for Jesus’ directive /response he simply took the initiative. Isn’t that any leader’s dream; that you have staff who just know how to take the initiative, especially when it is in your defence.

Surely, that would have given Him so much Joy, you think? Interestingly, Jesus did not overlook it, He went beyond acknowledging it, He condemned it and reached out to heal the man.

Did the man even pause to say, thank you? we have no record of it. Yet, Jesus did not even mention it … Not only did the man not express gratitude, he also did not

say “everyone please this man just healed me, He is a peace loving person, let’s cancel this arrest …”

Truth is we can go over this healing moment, playing it out in our mind’s eyes to see even beyond the words written in the verses. Still, one thing stands out, LOVE, LOVE beyond who the recipient of this love is, beyond their gratitude or even acknowledgement of it.

Going forward Jesus went on to die for the world, was resurrected and now sits reigning and ruling at the right hand of God (and lives in us in the Person of the Holy Spirit).

The last verse said Peter followed at a distance, His disciples were scattered, not exactly there for Him in love and support. They did not even stay up to pray yet; in His love this did not change His mind about His mission. In our everyday lives there is so much to learn from this, one massive one is Love as a choice.

Forgiveness is another theme that comes up in this scene, not only is

Jesus coming to die for our sins about love it is also about forgiveness, not to separate the two themes, because they are interwoven. For instance: Forgiveness is also a choice; on the journey to the cross and beyond Jesus consistently forgave many people. He forgave this man and healed his ear , His disciples for not being there for Him , the leaders , government / the chief priests, and captains of the temple, and the elders … the people , really ,where were all the people He healed ,the 5000 He fed ?you would think … He forgave them . As a matter of fact part of His mission was this, forgiving everyone and making it possible for us to forgive as well.

Forgiveness, now that is a huge one when it comes to this love walk we have been called to, thankfully we have help from God. “Forgive and forget”, “Let go”, “release that person”, “give them another chance” , “Mend a broken heart”… these are common to hear when talking about

forgiveness, but what does it mean to truly forgive someone?

Someone defined forgiveness as releasing someone from a debt owed; this could be emotional or actual. They did something, said something, made you feel in a certain way … and well they deserve a certain response, but you choose to restrain from giving them what appears as what they truly deserve. Therefore, they owe you that liberty to respond or retaliate, but you release them from that debt.

Zooming in on forgiveness and some important questions.

“Forgive and forget”, is that really possible?

Being that we have an active memory that like a computer has archives of stored files, Does saying ‘I forgive you’ means an automatic delete of all offense folders? I wish that were the case ,Sometimes over time we forget what we have forgiven, other times we can still recall the place and the event for 16 | P a g e

instance where it took place, the music playing in the background, the people present etc. How about emotions? Do they simply disappear just because you say, I forgive you? In some cases they do, other times like a wound you might just allow the process of healing, recalling that you have already made the decision to forgive and feelings will gradually catch up with the decision you have made.

Thus, despite the fact that we can recall or even feel the hurt, does not override the decision to forgive. In other words do not think,” boy, I just saw Stacy and the emotions just came back rushing, I haven’t truly forgiven her” The key is to remember the decision.

A young lady once went on a date with a man while studying at a university, this man attempted to rape her, she was able to escape, but held the thoughts for a long time which made her fearful, cry often and impacted her health .She enrolled into bible school and in one of her sessions

learnt about forgiveness; after the class that day she decided to forgive the young man who tried to rape her. She felt peace that day in a way she hadn’t felt for a long time and slept very well. Then, the next day she got a call from an unfamiliar calling ID. She answered only to discover it was the man she had forgiven, he called to thank her for praying for him.

Apparently, he had been in an accident and was at the point of death, but for God’s intervention and he heard God say to him that he was saved because this lady prayed for him*1.

What wonderful thing forgiveness is, for the person forgiving and the one being forgiven, even if they do not know you have forgiven them.

What if they do it again?

Recall the decision you have made, no one wants to have people walk over them or take advantage of them, but you must release yourself from the temptation to be bitter towards someone

“God I choose to forgive my brother for sexually abusing me. I repent for harbouring the anger and unforgiveness for so long and I give it all to you.”

because you love yourself too much. This might mean drawing grace to forgive over and over again, this is not something without challenges, but by God’s grace it can be done. The same issue not repeated again might need forgiving more than once also, someone described this like an onion, remove one layer of hurt and you find another .Thus, it is important to deal with it till you know it is completely settled.

Although, it is important to let go, it is also important to sincerely evaluate the situation, what happened, how did this make you feel? Then address it, as it helps in 17 | P a g e

the letting go process.

For instance, I forgive ….

For making me feel embarrassed /taking to me … chose to forgive and release the debt: ‘But I choose as an act of my will, because I am a forgiving person in Christ , to forgive him/her and release him/her from anything that he/she owes me, even if he/she does it again’. Thank you lord for the opportunity to forgive … I ask you to remind me in the moments I need it the most, of the decision I made today ‘Bethany, was sexually abused by her brother for over a year, this resulted in her having nightmares and flashbacks as she got older. She developed a fear for her brother that became worse as they both got older because he became an alcoholic. “I had heard about forgiveness, but I wasn’t sure how to do it. Then one day a mentor explained to me how Jesus had forgiven us everything. She told me forgiving my brother could set me free from the torment I was

experiencing. She helped me pray a prayer of forgiveness. I prayed something simple like, ‘God I choose to forgive my brother for sexually abusing me. I repent for harbouring the anger and unforgiveness for so long and I give it all to you .’ At that time I remember thinking, ’Sweet!’ This is it! I won’t have to deal with nightmares or flashbacks or the fear anymore’. “But that’s not what happened, the first night I prayed, all those feelings came back! My mentor said that sometimes you have to forgive a person several times-it’s like an onion where each time you forgive someone you’re getting into another layer of healing. So I kept at it and was determined to not let unforgiveness take hold in my heart.” “One night I remember praying and felt a deep relief in my heart. I did not tell anyone, to make sure it was really God and really worked. But the peace remained, and within two months of that night my alcoholic, drug addicted brother was sober and making a better life for

himself .As far as I know, he quit cold turkey. He got married this last summer and is the father to two wonderful kids. Do I think he got delivered the night I was finally able to forgive him? Well, that’s between him and God, but you have to admit, it’s quite a coincidence. All I know is that forgiveness brought freedom to me and to him.

their situations around. feelings would eventually From Jesus we learn to catch up with the choice love, forgive and do good you have made to even to those who have forgive. hurt us, which is not a The cross equals love natural response but, by campaign is championed His grace we can do as He by the Hillsong church, at strengthens us.

God Easter every year word is before we apologised spread; through posters forgave us, cancelling ,signs in the sky to every debt we owed, mention a few. Just to tell forgave us completely the world that Jesus and chooses not to dying on the cross simply remember our wrong. reflects His Love for us.

We also with His help are Beyond the Easter season to forgive as we have Forgiveness brings peace, we join in as well to do been forgiven, as quickly freedom for you and also the same and to highlight as we would love to be like Bethany and the that through His love we forgiven as well and the previous story it helps have obtained manner in which we you release such a person forgiveness and now can would love to experience to God, enabling Him to move on to love and forgiveness. You might work in them and turn forgive by His grace. not feel like it but, the And be ye kind one to another, tender hearted, Forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.

Eph 4:32 KJV

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Sharon Paul-Ojinigbo.

he things to consider when the thought of decorating your space pops up are first, what is my budget? How far is this decoration going? Is it a major overhaul or major highlights or just some touch-ups.

Once these questions are clarified, then we are good to go.

1. COLOUR SCHEME. What are your favorite colors? Do they do well for home décor or they are strictly for clothing? If they do well for home décor, then what will it project when people come into my home. Is it warmth that says, ‘you’re welcome’, ‘I’m glad to have you in my home’ or ‘chic, classy, modern do-nottouch-anything-or-else-you-will-break it’.

Next thing to consider is what look you want to go for. That is, what style of design- contemporary, antique, rustic, earthy, Victorian, royals, middle-eastern, Asian or African. I particularly feel every room has a personality and should be designed as such if your budget allows it, so you could design each room with a theme. When you enter each room you feel you are in another place, but you are still in your house. Another thing to consider is colour pairing and matching.

What colours go well with what? What colours will soften or highlight or contrast greatly and you can play with all of those effects. A sharp contrast here, a tone down there and an highlight here.

2. WALLS. I usually say that if your walls are well painted then you’re half way done with your decorating. That means you would want to invest in some well done wall job. Call in a professional or make it your next girlfriends’ hangout or couple bonding task if you’re married. I personally prefer white walls, because you can always be flexible with your décor at any season. May I warn you though, that you would need periodic touch ups to give it that excellence look always, as white picks on dirt fast and if you have kids, I’ll say this is a no-no, let’s try buttercup yellow or cream. The beautiful thing about

Walls is that they can be painted, murals can be painted on them, or they can be wallpapered. So, you have a variety of options within each style you want. Then again who says you can’t have them all.

Remember the tip to theme each space?

Voila.

3. FLOORS. The next most important thing are you floors. Chic walls and dirty floors, are a décor faux pas, invariably you need to pay attention to it. Most houses come with already tiled floors, some standard, and some very good quality tiles while some are wooden. Whatever, it is ensure it goes well with your decorating theme and it sits well with your color choices. I would love to add at this point, that you do not forget your centre rug pieces for the perfect homey finish. Adding rugs to your décor is multifunctional;

It keeps the cold away from your feet if you have light coloured tiles and you do not wear flip flops in the house. It makes the room look fuller and not bare. It really does give a homey feel to your home aside from adding some pizazz to the overall look. In selecting your rug, try to

strike a balance amongst your color scheme, ease of cleaning, airing and durability.

4. CURTAINS. A personal favorite of mine.

I call them window’s wall hangings.

Artworks and clocks are wall’s hangings while curtains are to windows. The same consideration for your rugs can be applied for your curtains, but I personally love to play with contrasting colors with the walls and curtains and with any chair or couch that may be propped against the curtain.

The three elements all contrasting theme ,but a harmonious one nonetheless. Say, a white wall with red and gold curtains and a navy blue couch. Don’t you just love the contrast and pop of color?

I am Physically Fit

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eing physically fit for various reasons; the perfect size, move sizes lower, be buff ‌ have become a trend and in many ways fashionable. It reflects also a movement to be more deliberate about being healthy for ourselves, our loved ones and society. So much so, it has become a priority of policy and funding of various governments globally. To achieve this goal we want to get on diets, signup to the gym , join fitness groups , weight watchers clubs , read books , downloading apps to mention a few. In all this it is true this culture has come to stay and as such this article focuses on one aspect to attain physical fitness, Physical activity. We would journey through, the importance of it and some easy ways to get on the fitness wagon.

which is of utmost importance to lead healthy lives -whether opting for taking walks , or taking the stairs (instead of the elevator) or jogging to mention a few.

Benefits

The benefits of opting to be more active are numerous ; for starters it is great for the heart -Increased activity makes the heart pump more , meaning better blood circulation .Also, it is great for preventing ill health as exercising reduces the risk of several diseases such as 13 different types of cancer , cardiovascular diseases to mention a few and relieves stress which is a leading cause of several diseases .The most common benefit (as earlier mentioned )is it helps maintain a Let’s get active!! healthy weight via At the heart of weight loss as being physical activity is overweight getting ACTIVE, the increases the risk of world has evolved in certain health many ways that we challenges.

Plus, find ourselves exercising Source: Cancer Research UK proper adapting to lifestyles which lean more to helps improve the mood and you simply feel being sedentary. As opposed to being active great when you are more active.

Memoirs Health Besides the direct benefit it is a way to make more friends and socialise ,particularly if you chose to join a group or chose to exercise with friends. Not to mention you get to develop new skills. These are only a few of the endless benefits of physical activity.

Off to a good start.

“I want to get more active, lose weight, ‘I keep getting on plans and stopping halfway’, ‘consistency is my issue really, I start taking the stairs and then I just rush off to the elevator when I am running late, which is practically now nearly every day …” the list goes on, on some thoughts that might come to mind when getting more active comes up. Truth is it can be a bit challenging getting off to a good start, Nonetheless it is very possible to get on and also be consistent. We have a couple of not necessarily all exhausting tips, but rather helpful.

Start simple If you are just getting started from a long line up of being less active, then start simple. It is interesting the simple activities one can engage in that would just go a long way and count as being active. These include, taking brisk walks, doing some work around the house and making slight changes to daily routine.

Let’s meet some lovely people Hi I am Jim, i work as a pilot and travel the world, every now and then I get to rest and relax. I own a tread mill which I use once in a while, I consider myself generally a fit guy. I also, joined a basketball team; we meet up every Saturday shoot some hoops and sweat it out. I am not really tidy around the edges when it comes to my personal space and so I order housekeeping services at a fee. Funny story, we had a health training at work about being more active and all, It wasn’t quiet new to me, but surprisingly it was highlighted that simply changes to daily routine can impact your health. Now, I love to play with the guys and all ,but I only get round doing that when I can get myself out of the house .Plus , when I am away from home due to work , I rarely get around exercising or maximising gym facilities. So, I decided I would try out the simple stuff , first I got myself a ‘fit bit’ watch to check my heart rate , steps ,.. and basically track the effect of these small stuff. Since, I was starting a new life improvement plan I decided I might as well attempt being more organised and tidy up my personal space

more often. Home alone I got tidying, vacuum cleaned, did some dusting here there, to be honest I spring cleaned (lol). I Ended the whole exercise with a nice cool glass of lemonade, not water I have a bit of a sweet tooth and frankly I do not want to get ahead of myself.

Surprisingly, I checked my fit bit piece and found all I did around the house alone was almost the same as when I spent time on the treadmill two nights before. Yeah, it took a lot cause I am not such an organised chap, but to be frank it actually did add to accomplishing my fitness goal. I have decided to do some cleaning every now and then, plus it saves me the money I spend on housekeeping. I have also gone on a small stuff spree; I try not to sit down for too long, get up when am watching TV for too long, do some small stretches here and there. I also have started doing a bit more walking instead of driving down to the neighbour supermarket which is barely 100 meters from the house.

Elevator usage has been minimised to times when it is unavoidable. I am gradually becoming a bit buff.

My name is Rhoda , I have always been plus size for all I can remember ; first, ‘baby fat do not worry she will outgrow it’ , then I got a bit chubby or chubbier in high school , then uni days had me a bit stressed . Then, I got a job as a customer care representative in one of the leading telecommunications companies. I basically sat all day and the only activities I did were talking to customers, often resisting the temptation to scream at some of them and of cause getting up to head out for lunch, leaving for home and with very few occasions to do more moving. Since my first job I have changed jobs but, the sedentary nature of work has come to stay. Particularly, as I have moved up the career ladder, which in itself has come with some more privileges that favour the sedentary life e.g. having lunch brought to me, and eating oh so lovely food from any restaurant I want. I live in a busy city , I head out early ,plus I met the most amazing man (who loves me for me) and happily popped out three lovely children who I have to supervise them being dropped off at school while pickups are Dad’s call . Basically I have a busy sedentary life, this got me thinking ;I need to be fit for my kids and husband , they need me healthy and I also need to ensure they are healthy as well. My husband and I talked about it and decided to join the local country club, and then there is a fitness group for women I joined there. Also, the kids are taking swimming lessons, I love to swim learnt to swim when I was a lot younger, but I haven’t been doing any swimming at all. As a family our Saturday routine is; wake up, do a bit of relaxing cause it’s the weekend no early heading out and then off to the country club.

This has helped us all get more active, have more family bonding time. I get to play with my husband and kids, like when we are in the swimming pool I sneak up on the kids with some surprise splashes. Funny, we have made new friends at the country club and my

husband Dave has done a bit of networking while spending time at the golf course and has struck some amazing business deals from referrals. It is safe to say my family is fit, I have lost quite a couple of pounds in such a short time and I did it while having fun.

Jim and Rhoda’s stories are just a few examples of simple decisions one can make towards being more active that can go a long way. Truth is regardless of how long one has been inactive for, it’s never too late to be off to a simple start at being healthier.

TIPS TO A SIMPLE START Develop a simple easy routine , before running off to get another gym registration at the gym where you often do not get past the reception more than thrice before you say , “ I will start next month” a time marked in history that never really comes . Simply start with small changes which help you become more active such as walking, cycling as a hobby /to work/to the shops. Setting out a specific time and location can also be helpful and makes it easier to make such activity into a habit.

Picking out activities I hate exercising I can’t love it, no way, well that might be true to some extent. However, besides the gym and all the activities your friends are involved in , there are other fun ways to stay active .

Research on things you love, football? Tennis?

Swimming? ,what sport have you always wanted to learn to play? , go on and enrol ,even while learning a new sport ,it still counts for physical activity . Think outside the box; get creative; enrolling in a dance class for example. From Jim and Rhoda’s story we see several factors were put in place in picking the right activities. In making a choice as much as possible pick an activity that you love, are passionate about and you enjoy.

Only bear in mind you require 2 and half hours or 150 minutes of moderate activity per week to get general health benefits attached to physical activity.

Source: Change4lifeUK Music once you settled in on a routine, having some music on while doing your workout can also be very helpful. You can make a workout playlist for the number of minutes you want to spend so it keeps you in check and motivated as you go. Time goes by really quickly when you have good music on.

Stay motivated, to stay motivated isn’t a piece of cake but, It can become just that if you firstly, do not join in a bandwagon movement when choosing an activity ,but actually pick an activity YOU LOVE or a sport you have always

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wanted to learn. If you do not like your chosen routine activity and you are just off to a start at being more active. It might be a bit more challenging getting you up and going. Another way to get fit is by getting a fitness buddy or coach, this is basically someone who already is well accustomed to being consistent at staying fit and the activity of your choice. This could even be family and friends buddying up to explore ways to stay motivated while exercising more like Rhoda’s family did.

Furthermore, fitness groups can be a great way to go

and a preference, it all depends on you really.

Another motivation can come from keeping track of your progress, set a goal and then track like Jim did several gadgets and apps can help this process. It has been proven that keeping track of progress can be helpful in keeping up a long term change.

Another motivation can be the reason you made the decision to become fit in the first instance, you can take this and develop weekly reflection reminders on your mobile phone or simply write it down and place it somewhere private,

“you can schedule activities to be spread throughout a day or week if you are having Challenges doing a lot at a go�

but you can see often as motivation.

What is moderate activity?

This is anything that makes you a bit warmer, slightly out of breath, and causes your heart to beat faster. One can start with doing 10 minutes daily by the end of the week you would have had 70 minutes in cumulative time, this is a fair start that can be built up over time Finding it challenging to keep active?

Tips

Some people find it challenging to Like Jim try to avoid sitting for too long at a stretch at home or at work. keep active aside from the usual When it is unavoidable reserve short pause periods when you simply tendency to not pick up a fast pace get out of your sit and stretch or make a cup of tea , do a bit of house because this is a new habit. As work or take a short walk whichever works best for you. such for some the challenges can be traced to certain existing health conditions. Nonetheless, there are quite a couple of things you can do if this describes you ; Firstly, see a doctor and discuss your intention to be more active , your options and whether there are any precautions . Again start small then build up with time, begin with lower impact activities such as swimming. Also, you can schedule activities to be spread throughout a day or week if you are having challenges doing a lot at a go. If you are opting for joining a fitness group or weightwatchers club, it is advisable you have a meeting with the instructor before your first session regarding any support you might need.

Be Inspired…

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Meet Afy Douglas A

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From Ghetto To Graced

Memoirs Meet

I

n our world today several unique songs and sounds grace airwaves and various platforms on which good music is sort and enjoyed: often originating from a variety of gifted, skilful and anointed artistes. As a result, some of the best complexities of musical genius the world has heard, experienced and grooved to, are the headliners of the day.

However, when simplicity meets depth, a heartfelt, outcry and praise streams from our beings, expressing our yearning for God, this in many ways describes the song ‘Saviour’. The voice behind this simply deep song is Afanya Douglas, popularly and also officially known as Afy Douglas, a versatile award winning Gospel music minister with many other great songs to his credit. He is also a great Husband to the delectable Ayiba Douglas and father to three lovely children.

Studied Petroleum Engineering, passionate and purpose driven he has leaned more to his passion as a music minister.

On top of this he wears many other different hats ; as he is a pastor by training, recording artiste , vocal coach, music director, talent discovery consultant , event host , story teller and loves to describe himself simply as a born again Christian and child of God .

Originally from Rivers state, Nigeria, Kalabari to be precise, He was born and raised there in the city of Port Harcourt where he schooled and has lived for the most part of his life.

“It was rough you know, we grew up in Diobu when all the cults you hear about today were been formed”

Growing up Years “Growing up in the part of Port Harcourt where I did, Diobu , … well that is not the only ghetto area in Port Harcourt there are others too , but it was rough , tough and eye opening . It makes anybody tough when you come out to the real world and then I met God, discovered singing and all of that. So, it is like a potpourrieverything is mixed.. Growing up in Port Harcourt taught me everything I know today”.

Despite the challenges of growing up in the Diobu area of Port Harcourt Afy Douglas has a vast testimony of the transformational Hand of God’s intervention even in his growing up years. “ As a child growing up I said earlier there were lots of things , it was rough you know, we grew up in Diobu when all the cults you hear about today were been formed. We were part of some of their birth; the birth of some of those cults, but somehow through the process God was able to save us from all of them.

“I actually discovered my talent in the church.”

Mine is quite unique, because I was part of like setting up of these things, but I never participated in activities.. So I was more like a consultant; they would come to me to ask for ideas, it was like the case of an ‘Evil genius’ kind of thing. I will sit down and say ‘ok let’s do it like this and ..do it like that and we won’t get caught’, they will do it and they won’t get caught, when they do not listen to me they would get caught… I was more like the go to guy when you want some crazy ideas ,.. We would sit down and would form it, but I never participated in all of these activities.”

At these points he believes that God was simply shielding him. “ I know if I had gotten involved, it would have been terrible.

Then sometimes when I want to get involved, somehow my family would move , that happened a lot 29 | P a g e

so I know it is not a coincidence . The first time I saw a gun on the street, we had just moved like two weeks earlier. Some of the boys I call ‘boys’ stopped me on the street , threatened me and then obtained meseized all my things and then I was looking at them. My thoughts were “These are boys I could slap and beat up right now” so I know that leaving that place at that time was not a coincidence, because if I was still there, they won’t have done that and then I would have looked for a way to maybe retaliate and all of those things. At different points, somehow God would just take us out , take us away , something would just happen to take me out of that scene so that’s my testimony .God just saves me at every point in time…”

Although, God had been at work shielding him, he was yet to have a relationship with Him, it would take beyond being in the church and an encounter with God in the most unlikely circumstances to inspire this relationship.

“My relationship with God, that is another unique one, because I actually discovered my talent in the

church. I came into the church, I wasn’t born again, I just liked that I could express my gifting here. I was just going to church and I joined the choir, ok .. this was interesting, I was just there over the years and a lot of things happened, but the main thing that happened was when I had just moved from Port Harcourt to Eket . At some point it was so much I couldn’t take it anymore ,like what is going on? I knew I was supposed to be serving God, but I knew we did not have a relationship .

Then, I had become a star, let me not say I was becoming, ..

I was celebrated; I was being invited everywhere, I was singing about Jesus, but I knew I did not know Him.. so it mounted pressure and at some point I had to say ‘ok I have to leave everything and go away’…Then, I went to Eket to stay there for a while, I also did my IT (Industrial attachment training) in Mobil …Somehow I got into a relationship with this lady, she got pregnant, long story short, she gave birth …At that point a lot of things happened and I was suspended from church, amidst many things.

The play out of events led to many thoughts coming to mind he recounted ’ I said ok I am trying to run away from this life and then I come here and this is like the climax’.’ ok maybe I came to a smaller city where the girls are naïve ,because if this happened in Port Harcourt , not like that was the first time someone had gotten pregnant , but of cause they knew what to do , but now I was in this smaller place where people were naïve . Following these the decision to man up, accept and not run away was made. “So I stood with her throughout everything and then I told myself ‘ I am going to end all of these; ministry , music and I am just going to get a job and do that…Somehow God did not let me, because the more I ran the more it came back. Then, one day the climax of it all, I was ministering in the University of Uyo , in all of this, that was the first time in like two years, I was rejecting singing events and all that ,but this one I just couldn’t escape it; I had to go there , they were my friends and all of that. Right there while I was singing, four cult people without an altar call came out on their own,

dropped their guns gave their life to Christ and it was like ‘see me needing ... do you understand’ , that broke me. I think that was like the beginning of a real relationship with God, at that point in time I said ‘no more playing games, let’s do this for real because God’s hand is obviously on me. That was the time I began to think back, you know I told you when God would just take me away from a scene before I get involved in evil and I just …all that just came back to me and I said ok obviously the hand of God is on me, so no more games, no more running, so that was when a true relationship with God began.” Having such an encounter with God has led to a life transforming perspective to life in every way for Afy Douglas as he highlights “For me now this is real, this is no more games and that is what I help people do everywhere I go, because I see a lot of me play out in young people; young people are just in church just enjoying all the gimmicks and all the games and It is not real for them.

When I share my story, when I speak with them, some of them get touched and get to turn around. It

has done everything for me: transformed me totally.”

It is indeed remarkable the way grace has transformed the life of Afy Douglas . So much so, one word of many which resonates with this transformational encounter with God is Purpose. Consequently, we went on to ask on his thoughts on purpose and how to live a purpose driven life.

‘Purpose … as a subject is very broad yet, it is very narrow because it is something I teach. What I tell people is discover your purpose, discover your SHAPE. SHAPE is the acronym for

Spiritual gifts Heart (Your Heart or your passion)

Abilities

(Your Physical

Abilities)

Personality (Your Personality)

Environment (The environment where you grew up in) this is because you do not choose your family, you just come, it is for a purpose and it is for a reason.

God would have dropped you somewhere in the US, I know a lot of us wish we were dropped in the US, but it is for a purpose. We come factory fitted, God creates us, He designs us, He predestines us like the bible says so your design is already there. If you can sit back, evaluate and analyse your life; from where you grew up, your environment, all the influences you have had throughout childhood and then your spiritual gifts, your passionwhat are you passionate about ?

In fact what annoys you most? that is a pointer to your purpose, For instance; you could sit down watching a TV show, a magazine show or maybe similar to what you are doing now and … whenever you watch them on TV, the standard is not high and it annoys you, it is always ‘… but they can do it better’ . It is a pointer that you are supposed to do something about that and there are lots of things like that. Also, there are things that come easily to us, like God cannot have given me a natural voice for singing and then I do not think there is anything I have to do in that line . God won’t have given you a natural speaking boldness and courage which some people have to go and learn and you have it naturally; you are bold, you can speak, it is a pointer. A lot of these natural gifts are pointers to where we should be; On the other hand, on living a purpose driven life he outlines “I just keep myself always remembering ‘this is what I have been called to do.’ I wake up every morning and remind myself, this is your purpose, this is where you are going, do not deviate focus, because there are lots of distractions. Like I am in Lagos

now, I am moving around then, if I decide ‘this is an opportunity I can be making money here’… that could become a distraction, because at the end of the day if I make all the money and lose my purpose it is not going to get me anywhere. Hence, when you remind yourself everyday it keeps you focused.

Passionate about music this focus reflects in many ways in his music ministry being an award winning Gospel music minister and a mentor to several upcoming and A list Gospel musicians.

As such we took a closer focus on how he started doing music and the major influences on his Genre of music.

“I think if you can do a proper evaluation of your SHAPE you can discover your purpose.”

“Ok I will tell you because it is something I have been thinking about recently too, because a lot re-evaluation is going on. I turned 40 last year, of cause when you get to that age you have to sit down again, you are going into a new phase so you have to sit down and re-evaluate everything. What are the values I hold? should I still hold them ?.

What are the changes I should make and all of that .So Music I would say I started… like 30 years ago that was because 30 years ago someone spotted me in a crowd and said you have a good voice and I had never thought about it. I knew I could... dance when I was little ,yeah I won lots of dance competitions , got books, got school fees and so I literally when through primary school winning dance competitions ,not buying books, not paying fees like that . If anybody asked me then who i would be .. I would have told them I would be a dancer; I knew all the Michael Jackson moves ,but even at that time I knew I could carry all of his tunes, I could hum all Michael Jackson songs , but I never thought of it like you can sing… I was just in a gathering.

started was when I came into the Pentecostal fold that was like 1996, that is when I count from so in 96 I came into the Pentecostal fold. I started singing in the choir; leading praise and worship and then everybody started inviting me for events and I started headlining concerts you know. I came into the choir like January by October, November I was already like invited everywhere. From 96 I started headlining concerts so that’s my journey.

“ Then this man comes and says „who is that person?

You can really sing I said , „me ? How?‟ and that‟s how they invited me to the children‟s choir” Then my parents were in ‘Brotherhood of the cross and star’ we usually have these meetings where there is a lot of this singing and I was just there minding my business. Then this man comes and says ‘who is that person? You can really sing I said , ‘me ? How?’ and that’s how they invited me to the children’s choir .I was about 11 so, I joined the children’s choir and then rose, I became the best alto singer in the whole of rivers state . I became the best alto singer in the whole of ‘Brotherhood of cross and star’ world , yeah because we had to go for competitions and I was the only male among all the females who sang that part -alto part- and so for a male to beat all the females I said ok that guy really noticed ,maybe I could really sing and all of that . I went through that phase, but when my career really

The gospel music scene has in recent time seen a diversity with regards genre, when it comes to genre Afy Douglas is renowned for his unique R&B style of gospel music.

Following this, he also elaborated on the influences of his R&B style of music and a possible new genre he is looking to explore.

“Growing up I know that the greatest influences I had was traditional music, because my parents were involved in local groups .They would come to the house, have meetings and all of that .. As such It is a huge influence I had, but of cause as a teenager, as a

young person ‘Boys 2 men’ became my crush -let me use that word. I fed on their music I sang like them and so my genre till today that people know me for is R&B , but I know that whenever I hear this local thing there is something it does to my soul. Yes you will be shocked if I got up stage and started singing local music ,because that is not what I am known for.People would be like ‘what is going on what’s wrong with ..’,but whenever I get to hear it, I know that there is something it does to me. So I am thinking I should do something with that, I shouldn’t just, you know let it disturb my soul and then I walk away, because I met ‘Boys 2 men’ along the way and I have left my original love, ‘it has gotten me thinking really’ , maybe there should be a blend somewhere. So that is my musical influence that’s my genre R& B that is what I am known for.

Furthermore, for every song writer and creative person being inspired and staying inspired is key. For Afy Douglas spontaneity best describes this as he is a spontaneous song writer who by the grace of God has several songs and albums to his credit.

Thus, we had the privileged of having some insight into what it typically is like writing his songs and how he stays inspired.

“Yeah, I do I write my songs, inspiration? Typically when I have to write a song I walk into a studio. What happens is that sometimes I just get ideas, I am able to work up a chorus and then when I get into the studio I write ; as I am recording, I am writing and so I am more of a spontaneous person .My biggest song so far which is like the only song people know me for world over, yeah if you call other songs maybe it will just be in Port Harcourt and somewhere around the southwest .The only song the whole world seems to be knowing.. is ‘Saviour’ I wrote standing on stage, I just got up stage with all the plans and everything, I just got up stage and started singing the song and so it was spontaneous .Today it is like the biggest song I have ever written, so I am more of a spontaneous person , I am always inspired by different things .

A bit on a personal take to music is the question, do artistes have a favourite song of all their songs; that song that has a story behind it that they have a soft spot for among all their songs? And so we thought to ask Does Afy Douglas have a favourite song? “Yeah, I have a favourite, well It is my favourite, because it is a song I wrote during that time I told you my relationship with God began, it is an R&B song it was written in 2003. I think that is what makes it my favourite, because it came out of true repentance like, No more games, no time to waste, God is calling you, Just embrace Him and then the song came it is called ‘Only Jesus’ it is typically R&B I have tried to remix it, I have tried to bring it back ,but its ok” Additionally ,If given an opportunity to recommend any of his songs? He responded “ I would choose all of them ,if I am asked to recommend, I would recommend all of them .I wouldn’t have a particular one ,because different songs speak of different things that would be a blessing to them in different ways so i would just recommend all of them” At the heart of every musicians journey lies a core message they want to communicate which drives all that they do and are involved in for Afy Douglas he expresses “Mine is love ,the love of God” .Aside from being a music minister as earlier stated Afy Douglas wears many hats and is involved in several

projects, he went on to tell us about these and the passion behind them. “It is the same thing that drives me, young people, training, because I knew what I went through. I did not have like anyone mentor me and so I know that young people need mentors.

Young people need people to put them through and let them know, ‘see this, this thing is real, it is not a game; believing in Jesus, being born again, being a minister is different from being an artiste, ok if you want to be an artiste, you can just… , but what you are doing is real’ . You cannot sing about a Lord you know nothing about, there are implications. Yes, because there is an enemy camp, then you come out and profess that you belong to this camp. The other camp will come after you, but if you are just there, they will keep beating you and you do not even know what is going on.

“Saviour‟ I wrote standing on stage .. I just got up stage and started singing the song…”

Empathetic to the young upcoming music minister he further highlights “You know growing up I knew I did not have people to look up to, I just came into to church and they just embraced me like ‘oh this voice ‘and that is what happens, you know, when people have gifts.

However, there is always a preparation process Jesus was 12 years old and He was teaching professors, but He did not start His ministry at 12 . In fact that incident earned Him reprimand from His parents and if you read the bible after that incident ,everything was quiet about Jesus until He turned 30 .The scripture says He learnt obedience ,He was Jesus, He knew everything, but He had to learn ; you are a man now so you will obey your parents , you will wash the dishes, you will wash clothes , you will go to school , you have to go through the process . That is what the bible says He learnt obedience He had to learn it because at 12 He just left them and went into the temple. His parents you know, they were worried

when they saw Him, they scolded Him and He told them ‘do not you know I will be about my Father’s business’ which Father? You are talking about Your heavenly Father, you have an earthly Father here that you must account to you understand that’s what it is

. You have to go through the process, you do not just , jump out and … you will get burnt . So for me why I do ‘Worship Life College’ which is to train people on some of these things, I do some of the talent hunt shows ,any project I am involved in , it has to involve young people getting to

know how to do this thing better.

A reoccurring theme when it comes to projects Afy Douglas is involved is mentorship as he clearly has a heart for young people, particularly music ministers. As a result we enquired on his thoughts on ‘Mentorship and music ministry’ and his response was “There are lots of people especially people in my generation, we did not have mentors, and everybody was like on your own. Presently, people are taking it serious , because young people are taking music ministry or industry… they take it serious. You know while we were growing up ..it was more for fun and then everybody grew up, went to school, left music and got into some business to feed .However, the people who are up now are doing it full time. Hence, who is going to coach them? , who is going to teach them? Then, some people who from my generation try to coach them, they do not particularly know what the

right thing is because they did not even practice it properly.

Yeah, so we have to go back and learn the processes, read the bible, because it is ministry and it is not different from what the Pastor does. We have to go and learn; go to bible school, go and learn all the ropes so that, we can properly teach them. Thus, I believe people who have been trained should deliberately mentor others.

Conversely, It is dangerous if you just run without mentorship, because there are lots of questions that you can’t answer that you need help with. For instance; now there is a debate on whether or not gospel artistes should charge a fee? The ones who do not are they holier than the ones who do? All of those things … we have to have a platform to discuss that and if you are going to discuss that you must have knowledge. The other time I took one very, I won’t mention his name, very big music minister, he is in the US, and he came up, he made a post …

Referring to people asking to give them scriptures that back him charging for fees and then he couldn’t come up with a scripture.

Everything he was coming up with was still the regular, ‘I pay for studio session, I spent money to learn how to sing’.

He highlights although these were valid points and important expenditures, these responses did not directly address the question, which was to give a scriptural backing. Elaborating he explains “More or less if you can’t back it up with scriptures it means you have to go (if need be) learn, go search the scriptures and look for something, because you can’t do something outside the scriptures. I took him up and I said ‘you haven’t answered the question, I support you , but do not come out saying it is because I do this ; ‘the recording , the music you people see and love, I paid for the hall it was a church ,but they asked me to pay’ . That is not the standard, that church is not the yard stick for you . You have to come up with other ways, search the scriptures and see why you should do that. The bible still even did not say you shouldn’t charge a fee in the first place, when you come out relaying it , some intelligent people would still come and say, ‘but you did not answer the question, are you telling us your actions are based on these indices you are giving us? There are people who do ministry for free , they live they pay rent, they buy fuel, they buy cars , they pay fees, they do all of those things ,yet they come out and they do outreaches so what’s the deal with yours?’ … So people especially the older ones should go and learn, study before they come out and

mentor the younger ones , but mentorship , you can’t overemphasise it , it is very important.

Being a mentor to some of the great worshippers of our time, we went on to delve into how one can choose a mentor? Bringing it home, is Afy Douglas currently open to mentoring? Also, mentors tend to look out for certain traits in mentees and have expectations on how to approach mentorship with them, we asked what his thoughts were on these , he responded saying “I wish I could have a formal mentorship platform… , but what I usually advise young people is, you could be a mentee from following. You do not have to come to me and say I want you to be my mentor I may not have the time. Even if I have the time there are lots of people who say they want mentorship, the truth is they are looking for platforms to blow..

Thus, emphasising the fact that mentors have been channels through which certain mentees grace great platforms. However, this should not be the primary focus when approaching a potential mentor for mentorship.

Instead traits of being

teachable, prioritising and seeking ways to improve should be the focus of mentees.

Additionally, persistence, patience and consistency are equally important owing to the fact that in most cases mentors are usually busy people and mentees should put this into consideration. He describes a wrong approach to mentorship in this light “ some people when they come, they say hello and you do not respond for three days … after they say hello, Honestly maybe you have read it, but then something else comes up. Three days later you see ‘whenever I chat with you , you do not respond, always forming too busy’ , you understand and you are like what is going on here? That is the attitude many have. On the contrary, some people who have over the years followed and then they see you and tell you, you are my mentor and you say how? Then they begin to tell you, how they have grown just by watching how you do what you do. In other words unofficially they are following you and they are getting mentorship.

Also, there are times we come up with like a program like ‘Worship Life College’,… you can’t say I am your mentor and you do not take advantage of that. Other times we create time, ok let’s have this, people come; there are times I have breakfast with young people in Port Harcourt. Interestingly, some people show up and then the other people I see them and … I say ‘ok did you come for.. , they say ‘ok I heard about it o but but but’ you see now? In all, mentorship is very important, but if you can’t have direct mentorship from someone follow them. If you are like ‘i have identified, maybe physically a potential mentor’, you see that their spirit tallies with yours, you see that they are doing the right thing, follow them closely, whatever they are doing watch, sometimes ask questions and be patient.

More so , In recent times the Gospel music scene has welcomed more and more talented young acts committed to towing this path or developing interest in doing Gospel music.

For such individuals he quite interestingly and insightfully had this to say “It is an honourable path you must know that, just like pastoring, forget about what people would say it is an honourable path… In addition he highlighted the fundamental role of planning saying “Whoever wants to go in Jesus says you would have to sit down first and count the cost; you have to think about it… In the same vein, for whoever wants to go into music ministry, first of all, I would say be convinced that you are called to do this because it would require patience. It would require trying times and .. I would advise them to study business because a lot of times people do not realise that ministry has a business model. Without a structure your ministry

doesn’t work well, you know even in business school they teach Christian principles. So yeah, so if you study, come with a business, not profit, I am not taking about profit but come business minded; that this is serious I need to create structure. Sit down and count the cost, do not just run into the studio when you haven’t planned till the end… As you finish writing the song, you are already planning how you are going to promote it… how you are going to tour.

Have like a 5 year plan, before you even start , but you know what we do is we come , after recording from the studio that is when you are now looking for money to go to the radio, then when you have done three , four radio stations , you are now looking for money to pay bloggers .

“Whatever they are doing watch, sometimes ask questions and be patient.”

No no no, it just shows that you did not plan , and before you know time; one, two years has pasted the song is no longer , then you go and record another one same process , there are people who have been there 10, 15 ,20 years going through the same cycles, you understand , that is not how a business man thinks.

The kingdom of God, it is God’s business, so whoever wants to come into this should come with that mind-set you have to be structured, you have to plan, and you must make sure you are called. In fact go to school and learn how to run a business, then you can do ministry proper.

Moving on Afy Douglas’ Journey as a Music minister has been highlighted with several phenomenal moments as he has shared the stage with several remarkable artistes and ministers on several platforms. Following that, we were interested to know what would be his most remarkable moment so far and why? “That’s really hard. Maybe my mind works differently, I have had such moments, just recently I was at COZA for the first time in Abuja and then of cause it was like a wow moment; the reception, the everything; the kind of cars

they use to pick you up, you get into the room and they have… designed bath coats , a towel with your name , with your wife’s name, … and, they have a picture of your family. All of that it can make you cry and then getting to the church, getting up the stage.. But, one thing with me, as I get up the stage everything pales at that moment, I am no longer thinking.

Consequently, although amazing, focus shifts he explains, the manifest presence of God, the power of God … takes over and becomes the highlight of the moment and by the grace of God this is consistently the case. “ it is more like ok it is the same thing , it is the same power of God …, it is the same presence of God … , so you know , the way I think just tends to dull all of those high and mighty moments .If not I have had quite a few , hosted (Port Harcourt city in worship with) Vashawn Mitchel for the first time he ever came to Africa Nigeria while he was still.. ‘Nobody greater’ , not the church ,but as an individual .. That was like a moment of pride. I have been on stage with Israel Houghton, I have been on stage with Kurt Carr we were like the two main guests, but.. it just happens

that once I get to start ministering.., for me maybe because that is the most important part, it just dulls this star moment and all of that. For me that is why I said it is difficult, because I am really trying to ... If I would say any moment was like that for me, it was when ‘Saviour’ came. I was just on stage, then the song just comes out and then the reaction, I almost ran away yeah, because I wasn’t thinking. I just sang ‘Saviour, Saviour the man you saved has come to ..” and then the crowd just goes up in an uproar and I opened my eyes , my eyes were not open, I just opened my eyes , what is going on? The uproar was really like everybody went like.. like they just connected you understand, like … that was what was everybody’s mind, so they just went wow. If there was any moment for me that would be it” In some ways a music minister is similar to a traveling evangelist as it involves quite a lot of traveling among other things.

Subsequently resulting in a busy schedule and as such different people find unique ways to relax.

Afy Douglas fits perfectly into this description of a music minister, does he relax and how does he relax? “Well I do, like now am relaxing, I just.. I find time , I create time , like they say you create time for what you love. Our team had this interview at a time when he was relaxing and so he further correlated the play out of events “I came to Lagos for a Saturday morning event, I would have gone back with the Saturday evening flight ,but I just thought, because I have been traveling a lot since January, so I said ok I am going to stay back some more, so i stayed back and fellowshipped with a closely knit church family . I wasn’t like an invited guest, they just told me ‘ah you are in town now, fellowship with us’, I replied ‘ok why not’ . It

“First of all a move, i am leaving Port Harcourt , because God has told me my assignment there is finished” wasn’t a big church he describes his sentiments “…doing this artist thing, it is a lot of pressure people do not know, you think we just enjoy it ,no it is more pressure than you think ... so worshiping in a small church where , ah they are excited , you are also so excited, you get to laugh .It is not the big church they are trying to get everything perfect , these people are just small, they are just having fellowship. You know it is like going home to mummy’s house where nobody is trying to be impressed by you , they know you, they gave birth to you , they grew up with you , everybody can just let their hair down and be real, I worshipped in a place like that and I loved it I enjoyed myself. Also, I am going to

sleep a lot, my flight is tomorrow so even when I get back to town, I try to at least find a day or two every week to just rest . This is because when I am not ministering I am maybe writing something or maybe .. so I find time to just relax ; pick my children myself , take them to school , all of that is relaxation. I do the school runs myself bring them back , sometimes from there I take them out we just go.. they jump on my head sometimes at night I do not let them, they just sleep on my bed all of that. It just helps ..because sometimes when you go two, three weeks they are not getting that moment, so you have to create that time .. I do I make time , it is important so I relax “,

2019 and beyond what do we expect from Afy Douglas ?

“First of all a move, i am leaving Port Harcourt , because God has told me my assignment there is finished. I have done a lot ;I have coached , I have mentored, I have inspired and I am glad .I was telling them the other day ‘so I can actually retire and they said no oh there is no retirement. I said ,’but see all of you the Mercy Chinwos , the Preye Odedes all of them they are just there, at some point they have worked with me backup or one time or the other and today they are out there. So that is like a joy for me, like see my children are out there .In fact, we were nominated on the same category and I thought ‘ how am I going to ask for votes me and my children are competing for artiste of excellence west Africa’. I said ok, I just put it out there and I said me and my colleagues have been nominated you people should vote. I did not ask anybody to vote for me , that was funny for me , but you know God has said it is time to move .

He started saying that since last year and I did not understand it , but when I made the move just late January, I just went to Ghana by myself and It was shocking. I just thought I was just going to Ghana to see ok what is going on and then they already knew me, the song ‘Saviour’ was already very big in Ghana ;so everybody that hears you were in town ... they were just dragging me from everywhere It was like wow! so God this is what you are saying, like I should go out and share ministry, there are lots more people that need my ministry, so I am moving out to that place. I am also doing lots more; I am doing more , I am writing more songs already , I am going to have a live recording … there would be a live in Lagos this year and err many other live in other places. Now my evangelistic ministry is beginning really, because I have just been in one place for 40years ; yes from nursery till date I have been in Port Harcourt .. I have never .. and then it is not just like I did not have opportunities to travel, but it was always like God just pulling me back. I have had offers, if I have wanted to come to Lagos it is not now, somebody was telling me he said ‘.. you know there was a time that in the 90’s and in the early 2000’s nobody knew of some of the people you know of today.. like you know you should be bigger than this’ I said well is not like that , I do not walk with God like that like ‘ah ok see all the people you are older than today they are like the A list artistes and all that’ .Ministry doesn’t work that way ,you understand, it is in phases I have done the work I have been called to do and like I said the people God has given me the privilege to raised are part of the A list, is that not joy for me ? Why do I have to compete with people I consider children; my children. So God has said ‘ok this phase is over, so now my more evangelistic side is coming out ; I am going to be doing a lot of traveling, a lot of outreaches . Then there is the pastoring side, it is also beginning I do not know if I am going to sit down and start a church not yet ,if God says that, why not , I will always obey ,but just expect all of that .Expect the evangelist, expect the pastor , expect more music and all of that. So there is so much more to expect in fact at the end of the day we would just be following God’s word.

“Ok this phase is over, so now my more evangelistic side is coming out”

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The B Stand W

k

Love. Relationship. Marriage. Edition

hat makes a good read this season? Something to rekindle the fire of love in relationship or marriage? Or something that brings that much needed wisdom for significant progress and promotion in relationship/marriage? Isn’t it interesting that the experience of a great relationship/marriage may just be a book away. Hence, this edition we hope we have you covered as we span through excellent reads to enhance the experience of relationship/marriage. Basically, a book for everyone really , whatever phase you are in; be it wife/husband in waiting, married etc. Spanning through categories; from novels to inspirational books we have it covered. Without further Ado here are this edition’s books line up.

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First on the line-up is a classic novel „The Last 10 Percent‟ by Michelle McKinney Hammond Bestselling author Michelle McKinney Hammond presents in her first novel a rather captivating and insightful story of 5 girlfriends. It Begins with a lady Tracy waking up to hear interesting new statistics on a morning radio report, stating a slim ratio of eligible men to single women. Following this and combined with an experience of painful heartbreak in the past, Tracy and four girlfriends; intelligent, beautiful, having rather great careers, lovely urban homes and highly fashionable wardrobes, journey to being found by love with the news of the eminent shortage of men. As events unravel they discover beyond statistics of the last ten per cent of eligible men, faith is what would bring an experience of the gift of a hundred per cent love. This is a great read for everyone both single and married available on most online bookshops.

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Next on the line-up is yet another „first‟ and a classic from this renowned phenomenal author. Her first book re-released with the same wit, attitude, wisdom that is associated with her books and a whole new classic front cover. ‘What to Do Until Love Finds You’ gives practical insight for single women on; dealing with sexual temptations irrespective of previous experiences, developing godly expectation, waiting yet, embracing life while getting to know more about God’s ordained purpose.

Michelle in this book unravels biblical truths, whist offering frank personal insights, an inspirational approach to love and a single’s lifestyle. This new edition is as fresh, insightful and as applicable in today’s world as with the initial edition. Are you waiting for love to find you? or looking for love? here is a great read for you.

Massive spot light is on our next read. A modern twist to the experience of the biblical character Ruth is ‘The Ruthie Project’.

Author Sotonye Odugbemi recounts a story of loss, love and life in many ways highlighting similarities between ancient Israel, Moab and modern-day nations of the world; from terror attacks, economic downturn, to reports of refugee crisis. In the midst of these challenges confronting families, ordinary people deal with these everyday issues.

As such alongside friends the author tells these encounters of Ruth (Ruthie) and her mother in law ,Naomi, unravelling a life surrendered to God whole heartedly using food , travel information, photography, art, poetry and prose .

“I am written in your ancestry, Dark eyes hidden behind hooded veil. stranger … No one in here.

Jericho betrayed by Rahab, Israel rescued by Rahab, red line tumbling from a window …

I am written in your heritage -redemption woven into treasured tapestries, narratives of feasts and festivals of celebration, as I reflect on death, love, lost, and love found, in golden fields of grace, Ruth.

Enemy, foreigner, widow.

Friend, because I loved you.

So redeem me, save me, protect me, hide me under the tender metal of your gold and silver wings… following the crisscrossed blood lines as they tell their own stories of Heaven, Bethlehem, Egypt, Nazareth, and Calvary… As you selflessly inscribe redemption in the legacy of the day after tomorrow.”

‘Story of her life’ … Poem from ‘The Ruthie Project’ A glimpse into what some people think about the book “I loved it! So inspiring and thought provoking”.

Paula Gooder, Author and Theologian in residence, Bible Society “A glorious surprise, full of unexpected insights presented in even more unexpected ways”. David Ingall, Rector, St. Sepulchre’s Church, London 41 | P a g e

The Book Stand “A precious labour of love and creativity”.

Amanda Jackson, Executive Director, Women’s Commission, World Evangelical Alliance”

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From the above comments we see that the Ruthie project is indeed a great read which cuts across boards. Thus, it is a great read for everyone, single /married you would love this.

The journey gets deeper and wider taking a look at another phenomenal read.

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Communication is key in every relationship and marriage; effective communication begins with understanding who you intend communicating to. Hence, we dive into the world of understanding temperaments with the classic book “The Spirit Controlled Temperament” by Tim Lahaye. Discover your temperament (melancholy, sanguine, choleric, phlegmatic), if you have, unravel more about you with fresh insights on each temperament and how God uses the uniqueness of each temperament. This new edition has new revised and exciting chapters and questions appropriate for study sessions.

Thinking of a good read for a group or as a couple, there you have it .

Bringing it even closer home, Ladies?!! why not journey with wife of renowned author Tim Lahaye, Beverly Lahaye in the classic book „The New Spirit Controlled Woman’ as she brings a rather insightfully twist to understanding temperaments similar to ‘the Spirit controlled temperament’ Beverly’s book has sold over 810,000 copies. Now bringing a more modern twist is an updated and expanded version of the book presenting a timeless message of personal growth and development. As with both books authors help people and in this case particularly women in discovering areas of strength and weakness. Equally, revealing how with the help of the HOLYSPIRIT one can maximise and minimise these in order to fulfil God’s purpose. See how temperaments influence singleness, marriage, love life /relationship, communication and ministry. In many ways this reflects the love of God and His wonderful plans for everyone. Making available all the needed resources and strength to live out His will. In all, success is linked to being Spirit controlled relying on the Holy Spirit to directs one’s affairs. So, Ladies and gentlemen, there you have it two great reads to add to your list of ‘to read’ books.

That about wraps up our classics for this edition we leave you with a little something to reflect on.

The expression of love should be season less thus, while maximising celebrations to enhance love relationships, remember to never go out of the season of love because, love is always in season.

Finally, step out of yourself and give not just to your spouse, children, fiancé /fiancée but, also to people who cannot reciprocate your love cheers.

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Communication La Clé A round the world we all communicate yet, speak different languages.

Thus, a key to communication is ensuring one is understood.

Hence, we have translations to the different languages spoken globally all to enable and enhance effective communication.

Same applies in a different sense with relationships, at some point we might need a way to decode human behaviour especially those of our loved ones to ensure we are communicating effectively. Therefore, we delve into communicating effectively taking a closer look at the first couple and learning lessons from how they communicated with each other.

Imagine living a life without lack or want simply because, you have all you need provided as a couple, better than winning the lottery you think? You bet it is. That was the case of this unique couple who had all they needed, their world was perfect living in a sin free beautiful residential area (the garden of Eden) excellent landscaping surrounded them due to the lush garden they lived in. Living in a world free from trouble; liars, deceivers and cunning individuals, the only restriction came with the instruction on what to and not eat. Picture an all

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you can eat buffet, now picture having that everyday no closing time, transition from breakfast to lunch to dinner yet, no need to make additional payments. Living your dreams? This did not scratch the surface. However, the only disclaimer /precaution/ singular „do not‟ was to avoid eating from a certain tree of which consequences for this were thoroughly spelt out to the husband*1. Despite this a day came when the wife separated from her husband is confronted with an intruder who probed and questioned the instruction laid down. Prior to this, this couple in question would have countless times seen or passed by this same tree. Thus, giving ample time to discuss the tree and the importance of the instruction given, a mere four words sentence “You shall not eat “. With Temptation seldom appearing crystal clear and often unexpected, using the serpent, satan launched a sly attack presenting concealed slander and false statements against God. Quite interesting is the fact that the wife (Eve) was not perturbed by this, apparently this might have been a familiar presence.

God gifted them with life and order; on the other hand satan introduced death and chaos.

Memoirs Inspire Clearly a miscommunication of the initial instruction might have been the pitfall or wife Eve forgot or chose to have selective hearing towards the instruction. Either way another version of the instruction emerged when she included “ Nor shall you touch it, lest you die” which was not in God‟s original command . Whatever way the blame pendulum swings, this led to a minimised expression of the privilege of dinning freely in the garden also, downgrading the initial instruction repercussion for disobedience from “you will die “ to “You might die”.

The snake deceived her and she ate the fruit in disobedience a first step sliding into sin . The next step happened when she offered her husband the fruit, who ate the fruit knowing fully well his actions were wrong *2. It is clearly known wifey Eve was fully aware she was wrong to eat and then presenting to her husband Adam. Plus considering she did not die instantly following eating the fruit there might have been that desire to share with her husband. Regardless of the reason, Eve gave husband, boo, hubby … Adam and he ate it resulting in instant awareness of sin instead of gratification , being that both their eyes were opened*3. Sadly this horrific tale story would go on to affect the lives of all people -couples- even today being sin was introduced into the world separating mankind from God. Adam and his wife Eve interestingly were the first married couple privileged to have so much blessings beyond their imagination. For a fact so much of their experience might be challenging to relate to, Being created

by God from dust and from bone,

living in a perfect world , privileged to talk and walk with God literally!

Nevertheless, every couple still can relate with their failure to one another and to God. This might bring to mind bad choices made which left lasting consequences on marriage, children, health and even jobs. Also, some can point to things done or failed to be done which went on to change the course of life forever. Keeping these in mind here are some life lessons we can draw from the life of this couple.

“Order in assigning roles is key for effective running of a business, organisation and even a marriage.”

Ladies …

Ask (talk through stuff with husband) A massive error could have been averted if Eve had asked for clarity from husband preventing the mother of all blunders. A reflection of the speed with which events can nosedive when couples fail to effectively communicate or do not communicate at all. Order in assigning roles is key for effective running of a business, organisation and even a marriage. The bible explains the role of a man first having His head as Christ and the head of the woman being the man *4. In other words a Husband has the responsibility of looking out for his wife being she is his responsibility so, when in doubt or not sure ask your husband.

Let this be a reminder always, scream at yourself if need be “Do not be an Eve” Ask …..(fill husband‟s name) what he thinks, Ask first, and then act second. It is important to note a common goal of couples should be to have the same mind.

Note it is a lot easier when you seek your spouse‟s opinion and it is something favourable to you i.e. you like his take. Even so learning to listen to responses from him, his reasons yet, respecting his line of thought especially when not in agreement with yours or not agreeable with yours is golden. Thus, when in doubt run by husband, even in the absence of doubt it is great to keep him in the know of issues, concerns and decisions intended to be made. From issues confronted with or contemplating for instance how to discipline your children, money matters e.g. saving or allocating an amount for an item, going back to school, thinking of a change of jobs, joining an organisation, serving on a committee – simply ask. The whole idea is to be partners, partnering through life basically 45 | P a g e

moving forward in step and as a unified force.

Gentle Men!!

Be there -available and open always.

Mr Adam, happened to be there but, unfortunately unavailable truly he really wasn‟t there he had a job to do.

However, he either was not aware his sweetheart was talking to the serpent or he might have seen them talking and decided not to get involved. Being he was still in line with God‟s instruction and men generally have a nomadic nature; enjoy hikes, love to go on adventures, make trips and have no challenge going from place to place. Women on the other hand have an affinity for roots and routine, loving everything to be in place, neatly and

orderly placed having little or no ripples.

Bringing it back to Adam and Eve, He might have been in the nomadic nature been some where naming animals while, his wife was alone wandering in the garden. The key is to ensure partnership all through your life and as partners be in tune moving forward as an integrated force (in unity). So how then can one ensure this unity and availability for her considering both (or one) of you might be working, resulting in being apart for almost the entire day or for a long period of time?

First approach to this could be imbibing certain ground rules which ensure you always there for her for instance; calling a couple of times during the day to check on her basically see how she‟s doing.

“One of a woman‟s most important needs is for communication.”

Renowned authors Jim and Elizabeth George stay in touch in this way on “amazing days” , they recount on several occasions how a phone call just in time has helped solve problems, deal with concerns, facilitated discussions on ways to proceed regarding projects, responsibilities or even tackle matters arising with the children or the very best of all it gives that chance to share a special moment and just say “I love you”. With men a tendency to become non-communicative is high thus, if this is the situation it is encouraged that a conscious effort be made to reveal and communicate your heart. God‟s intention is for two individuals to become one, this can only be when husbands allow their wife access into the inner thoughts of their heart (to really reveal his person in totality). Otherwise, what would foster a fantastic friendship developing; making you best of friends would be withheld, as this done properly makes couples better friends. “One of a woman‟s most important needs is for communication. It is as important to women as sex is for men . I did not understand this concept very well when Karen and I first got married. Our marriage struggled in those early years. It wasn‟t until I began talking to her- truly communicating- that our marriage turned around. Patient, loving communication connects her to my world” Jimmy Evans , Marriage today .They say, a problem shared is one partly solved, talking about problems with your spouse makes solving easier even if you both talked of seeking help elsewhere.

Communication is not only fundamental to marriage but, also key to planning for growth as a couple. Encourage discussions on areas needed for growth for instance, talking through what is needed for spiritual growth individually and as a couple, what each one hopes to be in place in that regard and what needs to be done to have that. Talk about the needed materials and tools e.g. a study bible, bible reading plans, devotionals (with several themes). Every couple is unique as such always tailor plans to your specific needs as a couple and ones which work well with both parties.

How?!

We have established that communication is key (la Clé), now how do we practically effectively communicate? here are more helpful tips to ensure effective communication.

Key 1 : Be caring Very simple as this may seem, it is extremely difficult communicating with someone you know does not care. As such it is not enough to actually care, be deliberate to show it; let your body language show you are paying attention, listen and give feedback you, could ask questions to clarify your understanding of what is being said is accurate.

Key 2: Praise Most dignitaries have a protocol on accessing their presence, God‟s has this as well and praise is priority for access Psalms 100: 4 explains this, enter His gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise.

He clearly does not allow a negative mind set in accessing His presence; we are made in His Image. Hence, negativity doesn‟t go well for us as well when it comes to communication especially it actually destroys the chance of communicating as a whole.

Now, we cannot completely avoid negative discussions in marriage, but, we are to earn these with positive words focusing on one another‟s strengths, the attributes that made you fall in love with each other. As a rule of thumb try speaking ten positive words for every negative word.

Key 3: Truth Ephesians 4 tells us the manner in which we should communicate the truth which is in love; in communication both truth and love are essential.

“Mercy without truth is like being a cheerleader without a team” there is no point to that role now is there. However, “truth without mercy is like surgery without anaesthesia” very painful and basically cruel.

Key 4: Faith Faith in God and in each other is essential in communication in marriage, in the event of problems we might confront them in each other. However, there is the place of allowing God be the enforcer No nagging, punishment or browbeating, it is

not in our position to enforce.

Instead, yielding to the Holy Spirit allowing Him to convict them into the actions intended is the best way to see transformation.

Key 5: Surrender Surrendering our hearts, minds and mouth to God, allowing Him use us in speaking kind words into our marriages.

Communication is key in experiencing a great marriage for both men and women. Speak with kindness, speak the truth and positive words to each other, and see how God will use these things to draw you closer than ever before.

References *5ways in 5days to become a closer couple by Jim and Elizabeth George. * 5 standards of successful communication Marriage today by Jimmy and Karen Evans. 1. Gen 2:15-17 2. 1Tim 2:14 3. Gen 3:6-7 4. 1cor11:3.

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Relax . Unwind & Be inspired

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For the Love

Of

Grills

C

& Street

food

Bole& Fish Ingredients

Sauce and Grilled fish ingredients

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Special

Memoir Delicious Recipes s Directions

obo Fiesta INGREDIENTS

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Directions

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Follow the Music

Relax , Unwind and Be Inspired … 52 | P a g e

Why we act the way we do

S

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Memoirs Inspire

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“No temperament is superior to another each have strengths which can be harnessed and weaknesses that can be overcome�

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What is your Personality Type?

D

i

1

2

3

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11

P A R T A

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P A R T B

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P A R

T C

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P A R T D

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Done?

Now it is time to do a little maths, add every 3 ,4 and 5 excluding every 1 and 2 you have under each section (since these are low we won’t be adding them). The sections with the highest scores represent your primary temperament and second highest section is your secondary temperament. If you have a tie, then look out for the section with the highest number of 5’s of the two sections as the section which is your primary temperament. By now you might have figured out that each part represents the four different temperaments. Part A Sanguine, B. Choleric temperament C. Melancholy Temperament D. Phlegmatic

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More To know more about temperament blends we recommend ‘Why you act the way you do?’ and ‘The Spirit controlled temperament’ both by renowned author Tim Lahaye . There are other great books and materials on personality types which make great reads as well, so feel free to research along that line

MEMOIRS Fashion & Style Alley

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Date ideas. Fashion With

Forward Tips

T

he concept of “Dating” is an age long tradition with a rather fluid definition depending on the phase of life one is in.

Whether it is being Single and getting acquainted with a person, or getting to know more about a person you are acquainted with, or being married and finding time to bond with the person you love; relaxing, unwinding and discovering

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more about them. Or Neither: as in group dates or basically spending time with friends and loved ones; father- daughter dates, girls night out (girlfriends hanging out), boys night out (when men gather). Regardless, all are fantastic for unwinding and relaxing, basically great for stress relieve. However, while planning, questions pop up like where to go,

what to do, what to wear, how much to spend … As usual we have you covered on the first three questions making it three less things to bother about. As we share a few tips to help get you ready for that special date with that special someone or soon to be special someone, some ideas to explore before you hop on the train to dateville.

MEMOIRS Fashion & Style Alley

#1 .To start let’s call a truce, some people do not believe in “dating” (for single people) if you are one, congratulations you made it to this line where we tell you it is ok, we respect your opinion on this and we come in peace. Going forward we hope these tips will help you prepare for occasions generally not necessarily a “date”. #2. is a myth buster, Dates do not have to be expensive. You do not have to leave your home to have a date. Singles, the break the bank part is cool; the other part is grey. For instance: you are meeting someone you know but, not very well, bringing them home is not exactly the safest thing to do. If you know them, it is cooler if you both are not the only ones in the “home” or better still go someplace nice and safe (do not mean to lecture). Being true to yourself you can have a nice date without breaking the bank. As a result of #1 and #2 we would be sharing some rather interesting date ideas and tips, especially fashion and style tips.

What to wear?

Probably the most FAQ of all times especially after you have been asked on a date, Ladiess?! and gentlemen of course (not leaving you all out, because you are stylish like that as well). Now the best way to go is to think of where your date would hold. As what you wear is heavily dependent on where you are going and the kind of activities your date will entail. A classic example is going to the beach for a picnic or a garden; this will require an outfit totally different from a date to a black-tie event for instance, often requiring a lot more dressing up. Next, while thinking of the location, also key is you are comfortable in what you are wearing, and you have a great aura (the ambience around you and how confident you feel). This is closely linked to being comfortable because, if you are uncomfortable you rarely come across as confident. “Well, i am married and I am not trying to impress anybody by being confident”. Yes, you are actually, remember you want to not just enjoy your date with wifey or hubby, but also, make a culture out of it. Sadly your discomfort may just communicate the wrong message. Thus, dwindling the frequency of “date time” you have. Truth is these two would help in making the date enjoyable and very special.

Wear Comfort and Appropriate In house Date ideas To tick the outfit box, your outfit must be appropriate for where you are going, even if you are staying home or remaining indoor (Please Ladies and Gentlemen make it special and actually dress up even indoors). It doesn’t have to be black tie, it could be if you want, but do not have it in an old beat down pyjamas. For instance, if you are having a movie night at home try to get a new pair of PJs (if you must wear them). The flip side is you do not have to be uptight about it, in a bid to make it special try not to lose the essence of the date. Have fun, try fun activities like board games, cooking together, seeing a movie (indoors).

Tip #1 Stay Home/indoor Date Ideas Dinner dates Setting: Candle Light Dinner Dress Code: Black tie or corporate causal.

Games/Movie night Dress Code: Casual

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I

n the great outdoors are many even more phenomenal options here are some that made our list

#1. Movies

Go see a lovely movie you both enjoy or a movie outside your comfort zone you are willing to explore.

#2 Paint balling, This is fantastic for group dates because, it is fun when you have a lovely team. The key is to make it a couples thing, possibly have the men on one team and ladies on another, then have a mix as well .

Another fun thing to do is going

#3 Bowling, this you can do as a couple or still pull the group date card.

Up for some more fun

#4 “Go-Kart Racing� is another really fun activity to try or visit a theme park.

#5 Visit somewhere educational like a museum or explore nature; visit a zoo or nature park/resort.

Tip #2 Trying out an activity on your date for the first time? Don’t let it ruin your date, do a prearrival research on the fastest way to pick up the skill. Also, be open to learn and finally, it is ok to laugh at yourself when you goof.

Remember, the whole idea is to have fun, who knows you might just discover one more thing you are really good at.

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Now here are our outfit suggestions for these outdoor dates. We suggest Keeping It Simple, a nice T-shirt and a pair of jeans are a winner any day. You can’t go wrong go that way because, it basically ticks all boxes; trendy check, comfort check and place appropriate.

Especially, when going bowling, Go Kart racing or paint balling ‌ for the movies you can pick out a lovely causal shirt dress paired with a pair of sandals or sneakers (same footwear suggestion goes for the T shirt and jeans option).For men a nice shirt and straight cut jeans is also in order.

For colour, explore dark coloured T-shirts / Tops such as brown or black or navy blue, these colours tend to flatter various complexions. Alternately, go bright with the shirt dress and shirt option. Ladies for a little extra get your nails done using brightly coloured nail polish such as pink, yellow, turquoise blue or orange. Remember to splash on a lovely scent so you smell awesome, giving you a nice aura: for that why not try out a musk scent for daytime movie dates, activities #1-#5 .

Go Sunflower versus Pinkie Black

Movie Date

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Pink wood and resin statement bracelet, 2.Lipsy envelope clutch bag , 3.OPI Yellow nail polish, 4.Brown V neck dolman top 5.Blue denim Jeans. 6.Black three quarter sleeved top 7.Gold tone resin detail multi earring 8.Bright coloured nail polish pink 9.lady the outfit up a bit by pairing with white coloured / New look multiprint pointed toe ballet pumps. 10. Nude signature point court shoes

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Tip #3 step up outfit with high heels.

Going to a deluxe cinema?

Then there might be room for some for kitten heels, If you do not feel up to going all the way with high heels. If it is a really special occasion (because every date is a special occasion) this will make you look all dressed up.

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Black long sleeve t-shirt, 2.Black check slim cuffed joggers,

White trainers,4. Black Nike Ebernon shoes

#6 Sports Date Go play a sport together; football, tennis, or better still go watch a game together get tickets and head on ‌ appropriate for this is something sporty and comfortable. If you are going to watch a game, then do a/the team’s jersey, ladies match up a nice pair of heels (remember comfort is key).

#7 other public events This is where we would love to categorize comedy shows; go on and have a massive laugh alongside that special someone, concerts; get tickets to see your favourite music group or artiste or theirs.

Casual Dinning The next category of dates is what we like to call casual dining dates where you enjoy and explore delicious meals. These could be home

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cooked meals, or visiting a lovely restaurant having breakfast while you both enjoy the cool of the morning. This is particularly exciting as restaurants tend to be slightly quiet at breakfast. Unless of course it is a breakfast place and so if you like a little peace and quiet while dinning then voila. If you have a sweet tooth then, another option could be to explore your favourite dessert in a nice sweet and treats spot or in your favourite restaurant. Treats such as delicious yoghurts, ice-cream, cake, waffles to mention a few can be a great way to indulge your senses. Better still why not try out a delicious new spot for a sumptuous dish you are yet to try out, possibly a street food. To make it more fun you could get a picnic basket, some disposable plates, cutlery, a picnic mat and head to a park for a picnic or to the beach for a nice day at the beach.

Here are our suggestions of what to wear

Ladies A nice picnic dress may seem fine. However, because of the nature of your picnic location you might want to lose the dress for something more comfortable. For instance, if you are going to a park that has sits then its

fine to have on your dress. However, if you are likely to be sitting on a picnic mat then, try wearing shorts or a jump suit. If going out on a really warm day, choose fabric with textures that won’t cause you to sweat a lot.

Wear bright colours as darker shades tend to absorb heat making it very likely you will have a sweaty one.

What to wear Picnic Date

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Tan weave circle across body , Petite blue tropical button front jumpsuit , Wide fit white leather look hammered ring sandals, 4.

Gold tone bead expander bracelet, 5.

Blue earring from gold tone resin detail multi earring collection 6.Navy blue Mesh Polo Ralph Lauren shirt, 7.White shorts, 8.Brown leather snickers, 9.Black matte square sunglasses 3.

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Breakfast Date

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Accessorize green beaded twist bracelet, Mix or wolf and moon wildflower studs 3.

Pale Pink work wear tote (laptop compatible) 4.

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White sleeveless shirt , Navy linen look crop trousers 6.

Turquoise bar strap flat sandals 2.

Men Although it might appear this date requires you to be a little dressed down. Why not surprise her coming out looking causal, relaxed yet stunning. With a .White short sleeve oxford shirt, Pale grey skinny stretch trousers and Grey suedette colour block boat shoes .

Tip #4 Makeup Go for a natural look with your makeup on your breakfast date or a pin up girl look (splashing on some red lipstick). If you feel a natural look does not quite cut it for you.

Dinning Etiquettes

Beach wear 1 .Pieces floral beach cover up kaftan , 2.

White crochet hoop earrings, 3.

2 pack pink paisley print and yellow flip flops, 4.

Ray ban rose gold aviator. .

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Take some tissue to wipe of lip makeup before your meals to avoid leaving stains on the cutlery, mugs, glasses etc.

Go along with your lipstick or lip-gloss for a touch up after your sumptuous meal.

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Grey denim short sleeve shirt and white t-shirt , 3.

Black belted cargo shorts, Ted baker brushed rose 4. gold Ariel sunglasses, Dark green colour block sliders

Sunglasses These are a huge accent if you might be out when there is a bit of sunshine. Whether its walking from the car indoors to walking a bit more ... first is go a bit out of your comfort zone and wear something stunning that you might not usually consider, but suits your face shape excellently. Next is remembering to wear it and most importantly remember when to take it off. Let every door which leads outside be a reminder to put on and take off these beauties. You do not want to go all ‘hip-hop superstar’ on everyone wearing sunglasses indoors. If you for some amazing reason forget to take them off, simply push them over your head as head bands, nicely take them off or confidently go hip-hop superstar.

Surprise!!

Sometimes you know you have a date , but do not know where you are going because it is a surprise. The black dress might be the option to consider. Dress it up with earrings, go in flats, but slip in your hand bag some stunning heels just in case it is a really fancy surprise.

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Jaeger cuff detail crepe dress, Gold 3. abstract faux pearl bracelet, Mid pink premium 4. diamanté long earrings, Silver premium diamanté twist 5. drop necklace, Rainbow club Harley glitter bomb 6. stiletto heel sandals multi , Radley gallery leather croc effect multiway handbag neutral.

Simple and yet fun dates Cook / Bake together ;Try out a new recipe with your special someone.

Take a walk Not only is walking very healthy for you, it is fun and gives you and that special someone quality time to take a nice quiet walk.

Remember to wear very comfortable footwear so the walk doesn’t end prematurely. Voila These are just a few date ideas, have some more fun suggestions? Share with us @MemoirsPr31 on Facebook, twitter and Instagram.

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