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1.800.847.7831 www.healingthespirit.org Lif eNet Health and Healing the Spirit are registered trademarks of Lif eNet Health, Inc.

FALL 2012

In This Issue of DFQ Lori and Linda make Woman's Day Comforting the Soul - Autumn doesn't have to mean fall Make a Memory Box for the Holidays - Sign up for a workshop SOS for grieving military families - You will never be forgotten Healing Tears - Son seems "fine" after Dad's death Save-the-date for Holiday Remembrance Ceremonies Special Meetings - Inspirational stories of donation News from LifeNet Health Florida

Linda and Lori make Woman's Day

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If you heard them speak at the In Celebration and Remembrance ceremony in Richmond, you may recognize these two incredible women featured in the August 2012 issue of Woman's Day. Donor mothers Lori Wyatt and Linda Kennedy had their incredible donation and transplantation experiences documented nationally. It all started when Lori's son Nicholas died in1995. After years of mourning, she trained as a LifeNet Health Grief Companion, hoping to help someone else on their grief journey. Lori was paired with Linda Kennedy in 2009 after Linda's son John died. Lori helped Linda during those difficult early days of grief. The two formed a special bond. Lori helped Linda to "feel her pain" and eventually helped her learn how to live and laugh again. Suddenly, Lori's health declined in 2010. Her kidneys were failing due to an undiagnosed genetic problem. Lori's doctor said she would need a kidney transplant. Linda insisted on being tested to see if she could be Lori's living kidney donor. Ultimately, Linda was the most suitable donor. The transplant took place in 2011 on Linda's birthday, February 1st. Both did great and today they're closer than ever. Amazingly, these two incredible women may have never met if something terrible had not brought them together. To Lori and Linda, thank you for sharing your story of hope and archiv e.constantcontact.com/f s014/1105614745895/archiv e/1111098766882.html

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compassion. May you have continued good health and many blessings!

Comforting the Soul: Autumn doesn't have to mean fall

We call autumn fall for the leaves falling during nature's transition to winter slumber. Fall is such a simple description of the season. But just as the leaves change, so can our moods. Feelings like melancholy and longing can sabotage our efforts to care for ourselves physically, mentally and spiritually. The word fall can also mean to descend, to suffer, to be defeated, to fail or to decline in quality. Who hasn't found themselves identifying with these meanings while mourning the loss of a loved one? Sometimes it's easier to fall than to be well, but taking care of yourself is essential to honoring the memory of the one you love. Since everyone's grief is unique, self-care can begin by allowing yourself to feel as many emotions as there are colors in the leaves. Giving yourself this permission doesn't mean you're falling. It means you're giving yourself the right to feel, to talk about your grief, to be silent, and to be fully present in the moment. With all this emotion, don't forget to rest, eat well and take a balanced approach to life. Fatigue is a sure way to fall. As C.S. Lewis said, "no one ever told me about the laziness of grief." He must have known the sheer exhaustion of grieving. To lessen the blows of grief, author, educator and grief counselor Dr. Alan Wolfelt recommends: archiv e.constantcontact.com/f s014/1105614745895/archiv e/1111098766882.html

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Exercise Limiting fatty foods Quitting smoking Getting plenty of sleep Scheduling a physical Drinking plenty of water Building strong relationships LAUGHING This autumn, think of it less as a time to fall, but more of a time of beauty and transition. Maybe even a time to nurture ourselves and our memories, just as mother earth nurtures herself and prepares for change.

Make a Memory Box for the Holidays In anticipation of the holiday season, memory box workshops will be held at LifeNet Health regional offices across Virginia. Join with other donor families to create your own personal shadow box in honor of your loved one. Richmond - 3609 Saunders Avenue on Friday, October 12th from 5:00 pm to 7:00 pm Roanoke - 1948 Franklin Road on Thursday, November 1st from 5:00 pm to 7:00 pm Virginia Beach -1864 Concert Drive on Thursday, November 15th from 6:00 pm to 8:00 pm To RSVP, email Tina Pierce or call 1-800-847-7831 ext. 4903. Please give your name, phone number, number of participants and which location you would like to attend.

SOS for grieving military families

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We salute our veterans and their families for their sacrifice on Veterans' Day... and every day. Some have made the ultimate sacrifice for freedom. You will never be forgotten. Survivor Outreach Services (SOS) is a support group for surviving families of military service members who have died in the line of duty. Call 1-804734-6446, ext. 6388 or email Donna.Engeman@us.army.mil for more information.

Healing Tears by Dr. Lani Leary Dear Dr. Leary, My husband passed away July 10, 2012. It was our son's 24th birthday. I'm not sure how to handle his birthday next year. Our son seems fine with his Dad's passing. His Dad had been sick off and on for a long time. -- Kimberly Dear Kimberly, My sincere condolences on the recent death of your husband. It sounds like your son may see his father's death as a release from a slow decline or chronic illness, and a relief to any suffering. When there is meaningless pain associated with continued life, it is not uncommon to look to death as a reprieve. Nevertheless, your son's feelings about his father's absence in his life will probably surface at different times in his life. Your son may miss his father most acutely during family celebrations, life transition points, and anniversaries. Though your son "seems fine" after his father's recent death, your son's grief work may ebb and flow with different intensities depending on what is happening in his life, and the support he needs. You can assist your son best by allowing whatever feelings emerge, and help him to express and move the grief from his body. You know your son best, so encourage him in the way that is most authentic for him; that might be writing a song, running a race, or building a memorial bench. It sounds like you are concerned that his next birthday celebration not be confused with the grief of his father's death. Perhaps the best way to "handle" the anniversaries is to acknowledge the complexity of life. Talk with your son well before his next birthday and ask him his feelings, his needs, and his preferences. These may all change year to year. You will honor him best by listening as he finds meaning to both events. And then archiv e.constantcontact.com/f s014/1105614745895/archiv e/1111098766882.html


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you can help him commemorate both in ways that are most helpful to him. One of life's lessons may be that each event is separate and distinguishable, yet when woven together can create a strong fabric for a life of compassion, empathy, and service. We can use our losses and sadness to bring more joy and meaning to our lives, and the lives of others. Your son's next birthday need not be one shrouded in sadness. Wouldn't it be an amazing birthday if you were to help him identify the ways his father's life continues to bless and strength him, and the ways that he is carrying his father in his heart?! Love lives on,

Lani Dr. Leary is a psychologist and certified grief therapist who consults with LifeNet Health. Her responses reflect her professional opinion to general questions. Individuals struggling with complicated grief are encouraged to seek the care of a professional. Please sub mit your questions to Rob in Cowherd, LifeNet Health, 1864 Concert Drive, Virginia Beach, VA 23453, or visit Healing Tears at our web site.

Save-the-date for Holiday Remembrance Ceremonies

Nights are getting cooler and football season is here. Before you know it, the holidays will be upon us. Take this time to remember your loved one during this bustling season. We hope you'll mark your calendars for the annual Holiday Remembrance Ceremony in your area. Fredericksburg - Mary Washington Hospital's annual Angel Tree Celebration will be held on Friday, November 16th from 6:30 pm to 8:00 pm at the Fick Conference Center Auditorium on the Mary Washington Hospital Campus. If you have any questions about the event, please call Amy Dahart at 540-786-4092. Richmond - Donate Life Virginia will host their annual Tree of Life Ceremony at the UNOS building on Thursday, December 6th from 5:00 pm to 7:00 pm. Please call Georganna Kelly at 1-800-847-7831 ext. 4305 for more information. archiv e.constantcontact.com/f s014/1105614745895/archiv e/1111098766882.html

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Roanoke - LifeNet Health Western Virginia and Old Dominion Eye Foundation (ODEF) will host the annual Holiday Tree of Remembrance Ceremony at Hotel Roanoke on Sunday, December 9th from 2:00 pm to 4:00 pm. Please call Tina Pierce at 1-800-8477831 ext. 4903 for more information.

Special Meetings Allen Simmons, at right, beloved husband of Bonnie "Kay" Simmons, recently met Joseph King, recipient of his wife's heart, in Charlottesville at Carmello's, Kay's favorite Italian restaurant. If you attended last year's Holiday Tree Ceremony in Roanoke, you may recognize Joe as the guest speaker.

Leo Flaherty, donor father and double lung recipient, and John Adair, also a lung transplant recipient, shared their inspirational donation stories with staff at Flagler Hospital in St. Augustine.

LifeNet Health Florida to host In Celebration & Remembrance Ceremony LifeNet Health Florida will host their annual In Celebration & Remembrance Ceremony on Thursday, November 1st from 6:30 pm to 8:00 pm at St. Francis Barracks Officer's Club in St. Augustine. An event will also be held in northwest Florida. Watch the mail for your invitation. CC-12-1347

Visit LifeNet Health's website for more grief and loss support www.healingthespirit.org

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Donor Family Quarterly - Fall 2012  

The donor family quarterly newsletter for LifeNet Health members

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