A2 Monday, December 20, 2021 — DAILY REPUBLIC
My Christmas wish list for Santa Now I had never been to the Golden 1 Center before and its peculiardon’t usually ities helped me wait this long make up my mind. before sending Our seats were in Santa my wish list, that layer of the but with the sky right before modern forms of you go into outer Tony Wade communication we space. Now, that The last laugh have at our was fine, I chose disposal, I’m not them. My wife Beth and that worried about him I have seen TSO twice receiving it in time. before so we didn’t need to I actually had planned see the performers’ facial to go all old school this expressions, they put on year and break out some an enormous entertaining lined paper, a No. 2 pencil spectacle so there really and write a list out in – isn’t a bad seat. wait for it –cursive. Well, until we saw that I was concerned at the stairs going up to ours first because writing stuff were at a near 90-degree longhand was not someangle. Me and Beth have thing I had done for a long lost significant weight so time. Cursive went from it wasn’t a struggle with being something I masgravity getting there, it tered in third grade and was just freakin’ terriused frequently to just fying to attempt to scale another font among huna steep indoor mountain dreds of others. without a harness or paraAnyway, with a mere chute or something. five days left I am having Invariably there were this printed in the newsthe weed smokers too. paper, posted online and I ain’t mad at people I’m going to send a private who use weed, but message on the Santa there’s no smoking and I Claus Facebook page that have asthma. is run by his elves, er, TSO was great as working little people. always, but on the whole the hassle outweighed the enjoyment. Now, to Holographic be sure, I will continue virtual reality live to attend the awesome concert portal Frazier Trager shows So I have now been at Fairfield’s Downtown going to live concerts for Theatre where I can be 40 years. My first was home in 10 minutes, but Def Leppard in Novemthe big shows I have to ber 1981 and my last was drive the better part of an Christmastime rockers hour to get to? Uh, no. Trans-Siberian OrchesSo I want Santa and tra on Dec. 3. Actually, his worker little people to I had decided that a Joe whip me up a holographic Bonamassa show I saw in virtual reality live concert San Francisco in 2019 was portal so I can enjoy a live gonna be my last, but I show in the comfort of my wanted to make sure, plus own crib. It would be just I love TSO. After the show like being there without I am definitely done. having to scale the MatDon’t get me wrong, it terhorn, park or suck in wasn’t a bad show, quite secondhand smoke. Plus the opposite. It’s just that you could pause it to go to at this age, any enjoyment the li’l boy’s room. that I receive from a live concert has to be weighed Men in Black Flashy against how much of a hassle it is. I mean, we got Thing/Matrix blue pill to Sacramento and then I need either one of there was the hassle of those handheld Men in traffic. Then the hassle of Black Flashy Things that having to park. Then the you hold in front of your hassle of having to wait in eyes and when it flashes line to get in, the hassle of it wipes out your memory being searched, the hassle or a blue pill from “The Matrix” that would make of finding your seats me blissfully unaware of and on and on.
Tony Wade
Daily Republic correspondent
I
certain things. I would need them to be able to be dialed into certain memories, not a blanket erasure of all my cranial recordings. In this case I want to delete the memory of watching the 2021 Netflix documentary about TV painter Bob Ross called “Happy Accidents, Betrayal & Greed.” I am a huge Bob Ross fan and it messed me up hearing about how allegedly he was and continues to be exploited by a family that gained legal access to his likeness and legacy. It made me look at the Bob Ross calendar, Bob Ross Happy Accidents Bandages and Bob Ross T-shirt I have with something resembling shame for being duped.
“YOU HAVE THE RIGHT OF WAY! DID YOU GET YOUR LICENSE FROM A HAPPY MEAL?” Or when I see those kids who travel in packs pulling wheelies, riding in the middle of the street and causing problems: “IS IT THE BIKE THAT MAKES YOU A MORON? OR YOUR LACK OF HOME TRAINING?” Or when I pass a pedestrian wearing a Boss Ross T-shirt: “WATCH ‘HAPPY ACCIDENTS, BETRAYAL & GREED’ – THEN TAKE THE BLUE PILL!”
Self-balancing roller skates
I saw a commercial for a smartphone that can translate different languages back and forth in real time. I want one of those that speaks woman. That way if my wife says, “I’m fine,” the little artificially intelligent voice would translate it as, “I am definitely not fine. I’m upset and angry and annoyed and you have to figure out why.” Or if she said, “Sorry, what?” the little voice would say, “I heard exactly what you said and you have seven seconds to change it.”
I had a love/hate relationship with roller skating back in the day. I mean, on the one hand roller rinks blasted music I liked and there were girls there. On the other, I never learned how to skate. You know how you’re taught to get your balance on a bike? I never received that instruction or mastered it for roller skates. Flailing wildly then falling and dragging anyone else near to me to the hardwood floor? I’m all over that. Skating? No. I want some self-balancing roller skates that will not allow you to fall and do the work for you so I can finally truly enjoy the classic 1979 tune by Vaughan Mason & Crew, “Bounce, Rock, Skate, Roll.”
Blues Brothers car speaker Remember in the movie “The Blues Brothers” when Jake and Elwood drove around Chicago with that ginormous speaker on top of their car to let people know about the show they were doing that night? I want one of those, but not for promotional purposes. I just want to be able to say at an intersection when someone is too hesitant:
Womanspeak translator
Fairfield freelance humor columnist and accidental local historian Tony Wade writes two weekly columns, “The Last Laugh” on Mondays and “Back in the Day” on Fridays. Wade is also the author of The History Press book “Growing Up In Fairfield, California.”
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It took Bixler more than five hours to scoop up all the bees and collect all their honey, which she was hauling away in buckets and trash bags, she said. “There was honey everywhere – walls, doorknobs, my shoes,” she explained. “It was a sticky mess.” Bixler said the hive was one of the largest she has seen – and the first one that she has removed from a shower. She said she transported the bees to her personal property, where she is rehabilitating them before relocating them to a working aviary where they can once again make honey. As for how the bees got into the bathroom, Bixler said the homeowners told her that they had their roof redone several years ago and believe that a small hole may have been left behind that allowed the bees to enter. Bixler said this was not the first time that these homeowners found a hive in their bathroom. But the first one was small and the husband removed it on his own, she was told. In Florida, discoveries such as this one are not that uncommon this time of year, Bixler said. She explained that from March to November, when the weather is warmer, bees are the most active, so homeowners are more likely to see them.
ST. PETERSBURG, Fla. — A Florida couple had a massive beehive containing some 80,000 bees behind their bathroom wall, where the insects had been living, likely for years, and had produced roughly 100 pounds of honey, a bee removal expert said. The 7-foot-tall hive was hidden behind a shower in Shore Acres, a neighborhood in St. Petersburg, Fla. Beekeeper and bee relocation expert Elisha broke bathBixler room tiles to expose the huge swarm. Bixler, who has her own bee relocation service called How’s Your Day Honey, said the homeowners called her in October, explaining that they had known there was a hive in the wall for some time but were not too concerned until recently, when the bees slowly started to escape into their bathroom. The husband was stung at least once, Bixler said. The couple wanted to have the bees relocated rather than exterminated, Bixler said. Bixler said she used a thermal gun to find the precise location of the bees, then started removing tiles. “As I was breaking the tiles, the beehive just didn’t stop – it went floor to ceiling. I ended up pulling all the tiles out down to the studs and all that was left was that ginormous 7-foot beehive,” she said.
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Bee relocation expert removes 7-foot-tall beehive from Florida couple’s bathroom wall
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